A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 78- Rich Girl- Part 2

"You could get along if you try to be strong"-Hall and Oates

Late Friday morning, Johanna stared down into the coffee mug she had just filled as she lingered in the break room, basking in the fact that it was empty for a change. She sighed deeply, her eyes still on the hot liquid in her mug. She needed the caffeine; sleep wasn't coming easy the past two nights…but then again, she hadn't been sleeping well for at least two weeks now. Wedding plans and worries about fitting in and being good enough and living up to expectations had been working on her nerves although she hated to admit it. She had tried so hard not to become one of those crazy brides, consumed with every detail and making everyone around them miserable…and even though she didn't feel she had reached the lofty heights set by Colleen or even Sharon; she had still managed to make it a miserable experience so far.

She frowned; perhaps so far wasn't the right turn of phrase to use considering that Jim had called off their entire relationship. Johanna breathed deeply; she hadn't seen him since their encounter in the lobby Wednesday afternoon…and she ached to see him…to touch him…to bury herself in his arms and stay there for awhile. But she didn't have that option now; all because August suddenly seemed entirely too soon. She squeezed her eyes shut, God she hated herself. Why couldn't she just get it together? What did it matter that his family hated her? Why couldn't she just pick an ugly dress and be happy? Why did she have to be filled with anxiety?

And most of all…why couldn't he just help her through it all? He always had before…and this time, a small part of her felt let down. It was like once he had put the ring on her finger, a part of him had tuned out and assigned her a role that she was to carry alone without input from him. It hurt…but she didn't want it to be the way it was now. She just had to find a way to get those anxieties and doubts out of her head. Spending these last few days alone only served to make her wish that she had taken the ultimatum and said August no matter how many knots she was tied up in. She needed Jim more than she needed some fancy wedding…and she wondered if that wasn't the answer within itself. Maybe the problem all along was that she was trying to create something she didn't need. She needed Jim…wanted to be his wife…but they only needed a license and someone to perform the ceremony to accomplish that. Knowing him, he'd probably prefer it that way.

Johanna rubbed her fingers against her brow; her eyes were tired and she desperately wished she had called in sick…it wouldn't really be a lie; she hadn't felt well since Tuesday when this whole mess started but she couldn't rearrange her whole schedule just because she wanted to go home and wallow some more on her sofa. Besides; Maggie had told her just that morning that she needed to snap out of the wallowing unless it was helping her figure out the situation. In some of ways it was…in others it most likely wasn't. Space was helpful for allowing you to think without being expected to share just what it was you were thinking of…and then being judged for it; but space was also good for showing you how quickly you could get lonely when the person you love is out of your reach.

As if the universe sensed her longing, Jim walked into the break room, pausing for the briefest of seconds as he spotted her and she feared that he was going to turn around and leave…but he didn't; he moved toward the counter where she stood to fill his own coffee cup. "Hey," he murmured.

"Hey, she echoed softly; her gaze meeting his.

Awkwardness filled the air between them as he poured his coffee. "You hiding in here?" he asked; grasping for something to say.

"A little," she admitted.

"How come?"

"Sharon's on my last nerve."

"Fire her," Jim replied.

"It's tempting but I have depositions to take this afternoon and I can't be short a secretary."

He nodded. "Understandable…I know depositions have saved Sally once or twice."

She gave him a small smile even as emotion choked her. "Are you hiding?" she asked him.

"No; just needed some more coffee…I have to leave for court in a little while."

"The Mitchell trial?" she asked; trying to recall which cases he had in court this week.

Jim nodded. "Yeah…I don't think I'm going to win that one."

Johanna shook her head. "You always think that…and then you pull it out in the end. You'll win…I know you will."

He scoffed slightly. "I don't know about that…I'm not feeling like much of a winner this week."

Her gaze lowered, shame filling her. "Me neither."

"Didn't you have a case wrapping up yesterday?" he asked.

"Yeah…I lost."

"I'm sorry," Jim murmured.

"Seems to be the way my week is going," she admitted; trying to make the words sound lighthearted but her voice cracked and tears welled in her eyes without warning.

He sighed a little; the internal battle of what he should do in the face of her tears given their current situation began to be waged within his mind but he gave in to the impulse of his heart and wrapped his arms around her; pulling her into a tight hug.

Johanna sank into his embrace, her eyes closing as she breathed in his scent. She missed this…it had only been a few days and yet she was starved for his affection. She needed him…she needed everything weighing her down to go away…she needed the assurance that he'd take her back when she got it all sorted out but she wasn't sure of it at all and it made everything worse. She wanted to cry but couldn't…not here, not now…she'd have to hold it in as she had been during working hours for days now.

Jim gently pulled back but didn't release her; giving in to the urge to dip his head and capture her lips in a soft kiss. A small sense of relief filled him when she returned his kiss and he wanted nothing more than to stand there all day and kiss her…maybe it would convince her to marry him after all. He kept trying to think of a plan that would end this standoff but he kept coming up empty…and he was becoming desperate to think of something as he caught her lips for a second kiss. Even if he had a plan, he couldn't execute it here…too many interruptions at any moment…and he had to go to court. With the thought of his court date in mind, he forced himself to step away from her. "I have to get ready for court," he said quietly, meeting her gaze.

She nodded. "Good luck."

He gave her a small half smile. "I don't think I have enough luck to do me any good with this one."

"You'll do just fine…I believe in you."

An ache spread through his soul; it always felt so good to hear her say those words…to know that no matter what, win or lose, she'd still have faith in him. "I'll do my best."

"You always do."

"At least at work," he muttered; "I seem to screw up in other areas of my life."

"You don't," she said with a shake of her head. "That's my area of expertise."

Jim shook his head. "I don't think so."

"I do."

He picked up his coffee cup and took a sip of the hot black liquid. "I guess I better get going."

Johanna nodded; the words slipping through her lips before she could stop them. "I love you."

He hesitated for a split second, the remark catching him off guard but he recovered quickly. "I love you too."

She offered him a small smile; hoping that she hadn't dimmed his feelings for her…but of course, there wouldn't be anyone to blame but herself if she had.

"I better go," Jim said once more; knowing that if he didn't; he'd wage the battle once more in hopes of getting her to recommit to August…and they didn't have time for that today…and he needed a better plan than just waging a battle that had already gotten him nowhere twice.

Johanna reached out on impulse and smoothed a wrinkle from his suit jacket. "Good luck."

He nodded. "Good luck with your depositions."

"Thanks," she said as she picked up her coffee cup.

Jim blew out a soft breath, giving in to the urge to press another soft kiss to her lips and then he turned and left the room.

Johanna watched him go; her heart aching and weariness weighing her down. They couldn't go on like this for much longer.

After work, Johanna had declined an invitation from Jeff and Maggie to go out and hear a band that was playing at a bar. She didn't feel up to being a third wheel…nor did she feel like sitting in some bar, listening to a band without Jim. It just wouldn't be right not to be there with him. She didn't know what his plans were; hadn't seen him since their encounter in the break room and she wouldn't have been able to ask even if she had. She sighed deeply as she walked down a familiar hallway. Instead of going out or wallowing at home; she had made the trip to Brooklyn…to lay her troubles at the feet of the one person she could trust above all others. Sophia Calabrese wouldn't yell…she wouldn't judge. She would just listen and console…and help her figure out her life and how she had gone wrong.

She stepped up to the dark wooden door and knocked; hoping her grandmother hadn't gone off to some bingo game or senior center dance. It was Friday after all…she might have gone out. A second knock and she was starting to lose hope but then she heard footsteps and the chain lock being taken off before the door cracked open.

"Johanna," her grandmother said warmly; a smile on her lips as she opened the door further. "What a nice surprise, darling."

The sob welled up in her throat without warning and she couldn't keep from bursting into tears as soon as she met her grandmother's eye.

Concern swept across Sophia's features as she reached for her hand. "What's wrong, Bambina?"

"I ruined my life," she cried.

Her grandmother gave her a patient smile and tugged her into the apartment. "I'm sure it's not as bad as all that."

"It is," Johanna said with a nod.

Sophia relocked the door and tugged her granddaughter into her arms for a tight hug; allowing her to cry without disruption for a few minutes before she guided her to the sofa and they settled down together. "Alright now," Sophia soothed softly as she wiped a few tears off of Johanna's cheek. "Tell Grandma all about it."

Johanna met her eye. "You have to promise not to tell Mom…I don't want her to know yet."

"Alright, darling; I promise as always," she said with a nod. "Now what's wrong?"

She rubbed her fingertips against the bare ring finger of her left hand. "I called off the wedding…I told Jim I needed more time and he got mad and broke up with me. I'm so stupid, Grandma. So very stupid."

"You're not stupid," Sophia replied firmly; "Now you tell me what happened that led to this; all of it. Don't sugar coat it; just tell me what happened…because something had to have happened for you to feel like you needed to do this."

Johanna took a shuddering breath and explained it all to her grandmother; the feeling of being overwhelmed; the lack of support she felt from her fiancé and the dinner from hell with the Becketts and then the fight with Jim; their break up and their few encounters in the following days.

"Oh, darling," Sophia said consolingly once she finished; "It's no wonder you got cold feet."

"I thought only men got cold feet," she cried.

The old woman shook her head. "No; women get them too…and I'd say it's justified in your case…but there's no need for it to be permanent."

"I don't know if I have a choice in that."

"You do," Sophia said with conviction. "He's not going to give you up that easily; but we'll talk about that part later. Why are you feeling so overwhelmed with this wedding planning? What's getting in your way?"

She sighed deeply. "Nothing seems to be going right. I can't find the things I want…and Mom hates the colors I picked and she tells me they're hideous and keeps trying to talk me out of them. I hate every wedding dress I've looked at…Jim won't go look at reception venues with me…and I'm running out of time. I just…I can't keep up this time. I kept up in law school easier than I can keep up with planning a wedding…I mean how stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid at all," her grandmother replied. "The pressure you had in law school was a pressure you could deal with because you knew it was necessary to get where you wanted to be."

"But isn't that the same with wedding planning?"

Sophia shook her head. "Not exactly…in law school, the only voice in your head telling you to push harder was yours…I think you have more than one voice in your head about wedding planning; don't you?"

She nodded. "Yeah…I guess so…but what does it matter? Everything keeps going wrong; I can't find what I want and the things I do decide on, everyone has to make an issue of; Sharon's still miffed about not being maid of honor. she keeps telling me my colors are horrible too and making her specifications for the color of bridesmaids dresses and bitching about how we haven't looked at any yet. Mom keeps trying to talk me out of my color scheme…wants me to use baby pink and I don't want that; I want bright pink accents that will pop and she says it's gaudy. I can't find the kind of dress I want and she says I'm just not giving anything a chance. The only thing Jim will give me an opinion on is the meal and he won't hear of anything but steak…and he keeps wanting me to ask Dad if he's paying for the wedding and I'm doing that. It would be different if he offered but I just won't go to him and ask. I just can't…and this money issue just keeps coming up everywhere I turn; with Jim; with his parents…with everyone but the people I need it to come up with…although I don't need him to pay for it. I just…I don't know."

"Oh my, you do have a lot of voices in your head, Bambina," Sophia said as she took her hand. "Let's start with the easiest one; tell Sharon to shut up. This is your wedding; she'll wear the color you pick just like you were going to wear the one she picked. Tell her if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to be in the wedding. I'm sure you have another friend who could take her place. Bring up a list of things you didn't like about her wedding and see how she likes that."

"I already did that the other day."

"How did she like it?"

"She didn't…she said at least she had a wedding because I'm not having one now."

Sophia waved a hand as if she was waving away a pesky fly. "Oh tell her to go jump in the lake. She isn't anyone you need to worry about and her damn opinions aren't worth anything. Don't give her space in your head, Johanna; she hasn't earned it."

"I know…but the real problem is me I guess. I just can't get it right, Grandma…and I've been thinking; maybe it's because I don't need all of it."

"Maybe…or maybe it's because you've allowed too many people to crowd into your head, darling. This is about more than not being able to set details in stone at the moment."

"Then what is it about?" she asked.

"Oh, I think it's a lot of things," Sophia replied. "Let's talk about this issue that keeps coming up about asking your father if he's paying for the wedding…why don't you ask?"

"Because I can't."

"Why not? Because of how things are between you and Frank at times?"

"That…and because he paid to put me through Columbia and that wasn't cheap. He's put out a lot of money for me already…I can't just hold out my hand and ask for more like I'm fourteen and asking for my allowance."

"Darling, I'm sure Frank plans on paying for your wedding."

"He hasn't said so to me," Johanna replied; toying with her emerald ring. "I'm not going to ask."

"What are you of afraid of happening if you did ask?"

She smirked softly. "Obviously I'm afraid he'll say no…and that would be a new form of rejection…and I don't know if I could deal with that. I mean I would…and I will…but if he looked me in the face and said no…it would hurt…and it would make it hard for me to let him walk me down the aisle. So it's better to just to pay for it myself if he doesn't say anything…because despite it all; I want him to walk me down the aisle and give me away…and I want it be a nice moment…not a bitter one. So I'll pay for it…if it ever happens."

"What if he told you he'd pay for it without any prompting from you?" her grandmother asked.

"That would be different."

"You would accept?"

"If he offered; yes, because it's tradition…but I won't ask him…and don't you ask him either."

"I promise my lips are sealed," Sophia stated; "But despite your father's faults; I'm sure he intends on paying for your wedding. He paid for Colleen's; he paid for Frankie's honeymoon…he's not going to deny you. That would go against his pride."

"I can't be sure of that though…and Jim brings it up a good bit; he wants me to ask and I can't…and usually he understands why I am the way I am about my father…but this time it's like he thinks I should just look past it all and ask him…and I can't. I know it's stupid…but I can't. I can't just go ask him to give me more than he already has."

"It's not stupid," her grandmother said softly. "It's how Frank's made you. He's jerked you back and forth like a yo yo all of your life…he's been hard on you…harsh too…he wanted you to grow up to be a fighter…and you are; but he did it in the wrong ways. He made himself the one you're always fighting against. It isn't fair to you…and I understand why you can't ask him. I don't blame you for not asking…but I know in my heart that despite it all, he loves you and he'll pay for your wedding."

"I want to believe those things…but he's burned me some many times, Grandma; and I don't like saying that…but it's true."

"I know," the old woman said with a nod as she took her hand once more and gave it a soft squeeze; "And it's something I wish you didn't have to carry in your soul."

"Every so often we do better," Johanna said quietly; wiping away a tear that slipped down her cheek; "And every time, despite telling myself not to, I get that little flicker of hope that it's the moment when things change and we can have a stable relationship for more than a week or a month…but every time he burns me…the really terrible thing is; he's not even the issue here. I'm just used to dealing with him…he's not the issue…because I know I can pay for my own wedding. People are trying to make him the issue but he isn't."

"What are the issues? Besides not being able to find what you want…and let's not even go with the angle of Jim's family at the moment; although we will get to them…but what else is bothering you? I agree that it's not really Frank; so what is it?"

"I told you; nothing is going right. I can't find what I want."

"I think it's more than that…and you know it too…so come on, let's get it out."

"I don't know," she sighed.

"Yes, you do…come on, tell me."

She frowned a little, flicking at an invisible piece of lint on her skirt. "Jim won't help me…he keeps telling me it's my job…that the wedding is for the bride and that I should just pick everything…that his father told him it's woman's work so he shouldn't be doing any of it. The only opinion he'll give me is that he wants steak for the meal and I said it was too expensive so he says it doesn't matter if he gives an opinion or not because I just veto it so I shouldn't ask. I finally told him I'd do the steak dinners…but I was hoping to find something a little less expensive since I'm the one paying for it. I mentioned that he could share the cost and he said it's not his responsibility; he's only responsible for the rings, license and honeymoon. He wouldn't even go look at venues for the reception with me last weekend because his father had tickets to some ballgame…and it isn't like they don't go to ballgames all the time. He just doesn't want to give me any input and it's supposed to be about both of us…but to him, it's just some big show for me."

"I see," Sophia remarked. "Maybe he feels that way because he wants it to be your show."

"It's not a show; it's a wedding and it's for both of us," Johanna retorted as she got to her feet to pace the room. "But he says it's all for the bride."

Sophia smiled a little. "Well, darling, I know it's hurtful, but it's not an unusual attitude for a man to have. He wants you to have what makes you happy…and he's not overly concerned about it because he's already gotten what he wants. He has you."

"Not since he dumped me."

"Oh he'll be back," the old woman replied. "History shows that he can't stay away…and you wouldn't ask him to leave if he showed up at your door, now would you? I mean you told me he was kissing you this morning and I'm sure you didn't slap him, did you?"

"No!"

"So you wouldn't ask him to leave if he showed up at your door, would you?"

"Of course not," she murmured. "I wish he would show up at my door. I didn't want to break up; I even told him that. He's the one that made it that way."

Her grandmother nodded. "I'm sure he regrets it…I'm sure he wishes he hadn't taken it that far. You know he still wants to marry you…and I believe wholeheartedly that he'll come around; and when he does, you open the door and let him in as always."

"What if he pushes about August?"

"Tell him you'll marry him in August," Sophia told her; "Because, darling, you know it's what you want. You're just overwhelmed…you're scared about moving to that chapter knowing that these people you try to avoid are going to be a part of your every day life now to some extent. Maybe you're even a little worried about things you haven't acknowledged."

"Like what?"

"Like your independence," Sophia said with a smile. "You've always been a girl who has valued her right to do as she pleases…and you've been living mostly by your own rules since you left home. I know Frank still pulled some strings while you were in college; but overall, you did as you pleased…you've lived alone for awhile and you're used to it."

"Jim's with me most of the time," she argued. "He stays a good bit…and I stay at his place. We're together more than we're apart."

"Oh I know…but you mentioned that you sent him home Monday and it made him angry…and that he mentioned once you're married that you don't have that option anymore.

"So? I needed some space because he wasn't helping me...it felt like he was instigating more than anything."

"So maybe sometimes it scares you to think of not having the option of sending him home when you're exasperated," Sophia replied knowingly; "And darling; it's a very natural feeling to have. Loving a man and wanting to live with him and be with him all the time is wonderful…but we all have those moments of needing to send him away for awhile so we can breathe. It's something all women think of before they get married…the fact that their alone time is going to greatly dwindle. It doesn't mean you love him any less; it doesn't mean you don't want him there…it just means you're human."

She retook her place on the sofa, her head falling into her hands as she rested her elbows on her knees. "Sometimes I do just want to enjoy my apartment while it's still mine," she admitted softly. "And then I feel terrible for thinking that…because I want him to be home with me…and yet once in awhile there's this little voice saying 'enjoy it while it's still mainly just your place because it won't be in a few months'…and I don't like thinking that or feeling it. It makes me feel terrible.

"It's not terrible and there's nothing wrong with thinking and feeling those things…he probably has those feelings too; maybe that's why he's going to so many ballgames; he thinks once he's married he won't get to do it as much."

"I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go do the things he wants…he wouldn't do that to me."

"Oh, I'm sure he knows that deep inside…it's just pre-marriage nervousness that no one wants to acknowledge. Everyone goes through it, Bambina; it's perfectly normal…so are these little spats that spring up easily right now. Getting married is stressful…as you well know; but you'll get through it."

"Doesn't feel that way right now," she muttered. "I'm currently un-engaged."

"That won't last much longer," Sophia said with conviction. "A man who spends a small portion of his day kissing you in a break room isn't going to just let it go. I wouldn't be afraid to bet that he'll be knocking on your door by the end of the weekend."

"I hope so."

"Trust me; I know these things."

Johanna gave her a small smile. "I hope you're right."

"I am. Now what else is bothering you about this wedding planning besides what we already talked about?"

"There's more?" Johanna asked.

Her grandmother eyed her. "You know there is. Now what is it?"

"I don't know," she said; her brow furrowing.

"Yes, you do," the old woman insisted. "Come on, let it out. You'll feel better if you acknowledge it."

"I don't know, Grandma; I guess it's because I feel like I don't have enough time to get things done and in the beginning I thought I would."

"What's making you feel that way?"

"Mom," she confessed. "It's like she has to constantly give me a countdown and telling me I'm running out of time…telling me that Colleen had more done at this point."

Sophia nodded. "That's what I thought. Your mother is pressuring you…you need to stop letting it happen."

"But she's not wrong," she cried. "I am running out of time. I haven't gotten as much done as I should."

"Maybe that's why…you're so focused on time that there's nothing left for what you need to focus on."

"I'm starting to wonder if I even need a wedding," Johanna admitted. "I want the marriage but getting through this part is harder than it seems to be for everyone else."

Sophia smiled. "That's because your heart feels everything; some people don't have that gift."

"I wish I didn't have it…but of course I don't need to worry about it now because there's not going to be a wedding," she said softly; "Because it's over…and it's not what I wanted. I didn't want to lose him over a wedding that I can't even get planned right."

"It's not over," Sophia assured. "He loves you and he's not going to let you go that easily. I just told you, he'll be around before the weekend is over…and I like I told you; you open the door and you just let it happen. Don't argue…don't bring up that night and how you told him you didn't want to break up. Just take him back because it's what your heart wants."

"I hope he comes soon…I don't want to keep going on like this," she cried.

"I know, dear; and when you're back together…then you can figure out how best to handle the wedding. Because it is your wedding…not your mother's…not Sharon's…not Jim's parents…yours. It should be done the way you want. I love Naomi more than the moon and the stars…but I know how she is…I know all about her comments about the colors you've chosen…I know her remarks about how long it's taking to plan…how she thinks you're being difficult…and that's making it more difficult for you. Bambina, it's your day, you get to make the choices…not anyone else."

Johanna breathed deeply. "I just want to get married…maybe I don't need some fancy wedding…or even the cheap one that Jim thinks I'm trying to accomplish."

"There are many ways to get married, cara mia. I want to see you have a wedding…but if you decide to have a simple ceremony in a back yard, or decide to elope…I'll still love you just as much and I'll be happy for you. I can't promise your mother won't take a swing at you…but she'll get over it. It's your choice, Johanna. You need to decide what exactly you want and need. It doesn't matter what Naomi wants, or Jim's parents, or what Colleen did for her wedding or what your friends did. It's your choice…you decide what's important to you. What you need."

"I just need Jim," she murmured as she turned to face her grandmother.

Sophia smiled. "Then you start from there…you two get back together and you decide what kind of wedding you need and want. Too many voices have gotten into your head, Bambina…it's time to kick them out and listen to your own."

"I know," she said as she drifted back to the sofa and sat down; "But it's hard to kick out Jim's mother. Elizabeth hates me so much…and then she was talking about my family…acting like we're beneath her; that my parents don't care enough about me to pay for my wedding. I don't need them to pay for it, I have my own money…but she thinks I'm some money grubbing slut out to take Jim for everything he has plus what his family has. I know one day she'll ask Jim to choose between us and I don't want to be the reason his family disowns him."

"You wouldn't be the reason…she would be the reason," Sophia said firmly; "And she has no right to treat you the way she has; especially with the things she said at that dinner…and she'll pay for it. She'll pay for all of it."

Johanna scoffed. "I doubt that."

Sophia met her gaze. "Trust me, darling; she'll be sorry…I promise you that."

"I wish that was a promise you could keep…she did call me Brooklyn born trash…I'm more offended by that than when she just called me a slut."

"You're not trash; no one in this family is trash," Sophia said firmly. "Miss Elizabeth is going to get taken down a peg, one way or another. Don't you worry about that. She's nothing but a nasty, miserable human being who needs to thaw out her cold heart and learn to be a human being. Don't you let her do this to you…don't let her come between you and Jim; don't let her ruin your wedding plans. You worry about getting you and Jim back to where you need to be…Elizabeth will be dealt with in other ways."

Her brow rose. "What do you mean?"

Sophia smiled and patted her hand. "That's not for you to worry about, darling. A higher power will deal with her. She'll learn that she's not dealing with trash…she'll learn that you are cherished in this family. Don't you worry; she'll get her comeuppance."

Johanna eyed her. "Are you going to put the eye on her? Because I'm not opposed to that."

Her grandmother merely continued to smile. "Don't you worry anymore about Elizabeth; bat her away like a pesky fly. And as for Jim's siblings that you mentioned briefly while telling me about the dinner; well, the one who lives out of the country and only comes home once in a great while; you don't need to waste any time thinking about him. He's no one and most likely jealous of his brother. The ones that refused to be a part of your wedding party; they're merely cowards who can't think for themselves; you don't have time for cowards so don't let them take up space in your mind either. The sister; she sounds like she's trying to live up to her mother…slap her if she gets out of line; other than that, ignore her. In regard to Jim's father; this little break up might be enough to make Jim wake back up and realize that his father doesn't pull his strings anymore and that he doesn't need to follow his word like the gospel. I know you worry about how they all feel about you…about how it affects Jim; but honey, Jim made his choice; he chose you…and he'll keep choosing you. You're not going to be with those people every day…and when you are with them; just remember that you don't have to be anything other than what you are…and she's a wonderful girl in my opinion…and my opinion is the only one that matters. Don't let them get in the way; it's not what Jim wants and it's not what you want. Put up a boundary line and don't let them cross it. It'll all work out, I promise."

"I want it to work out," Johanna murmured.

"Wanting it is the first step…the next step is to let it happen. You figure out what you want and need and if Jim doesn't come to you by the end of the weekend, you go to him and get this resolved. You're both miserable and you don't need to be; you get it fixed by the end of the weekend; okay?"

"Okay, Grandma…I'll try."

"You do more than try; you do it."

Johanna nodded. "Okay…I'll get it worked out."

"Do you feel better now that you've gotten some things off your chest?"

"Yes," she admitted; "But I still don't want to tell Mom."

"We're not going to tell her…there may be no need to tell her. By Monday all of this could be in the past," Sophia told her; "But I'm glad you feel better, Bambina."

"You always make me feel better, Grandma."

"Of course I do; that's my job," Sophia stated. "Now; let's get us some dinner…and tomorrow, you come back and go to the beauty parlor with me and do a little shopping…a little relaxation will do you good, okay?"

"Okay," she said with a nod; "You call me when you're up; I know you sleep in on Saturdays. You can be getting ready while I'm on my way here."

Sophia smiled. "That sounds like a good plan. Now you come into the kitchen and let me get us something to eat; we'll have you feeling better in no time, darling; and like I said; don't worry, it's all going to be alright."

Johanna breathed deeply and followed her grandmother to the kitchen; she hoped she was right.

Jim walked the city streets aimlessly that evening; trying to sort out the mess he was in…trying to find a place that would inspire a plan to get Johanna to marry him. He sighed deeply; why did things always have to spiral out of control? Why did he never see the warning signs?

Because he was never looking, he thought with a frown. He just kept brushing things off…and really; hadn't he seen the signs that she was headed for a meltdown? Hadn't they had enough little tiffs about wedding planning? Hadn't she already cried easily several times over things he didn't think were worth her tears? Hadn't he seen her frustration growing? Hadn't he brushed off her pleas to help her with the excuse that it wasn't his job?

Yeah; the signs had been there…staring him in the face like neon blinking lights and he had turned a blind eye. It was no wonder she had changed her mind…but he could do better…he would do better if she'd just agree to put her ring back on and marry him. He'd show her that he could do better.

But how was he going to convince her?

Jim blew out a breath; she was a hard woman to convince when she was determined…but he could be just as determined…if he could figure out how to do it right. The only problem was, he kept proving that he didn't know how to do anything right. If he had a clue, he wouldn't have made her go to his mother's with him and then they'd still be together. He should've just let her go to her sister's like she had wanted. Why did he keep giving his mother the benefit of the doubt and subjecting Johanna to her? If he would've just gone without her, he wouldn't be in this mess and Johanna wouldn't have been hurt.

Now they were both miserable…all because he never learned his lesson, Jim mused as he stopped in front of a bar. He just kept screwing up over and over…kept trying to convince himself that Elizabeth Beckett would come around and give her blessing…but that wasn't going to happen no matter how much he wanted it. She wasn't going to like Johanna…and Johanna wasn't going to just be meek in her presence to keep the peace; and he didn't want her to be. She had every right to defend herself…just like she had the right to refuse to be around her and yet he hit the right soft spots to make her do his bidding. He scoffed; yeah, he was showing her what a good husband he was going to be. One who issued demands and gave ultimatums; it was no wonder she was having second thoughts.

Well, he was going to change all of that, he thought to himself as he pushed through the door and made his way to the bar; signaling the bartender as he settled onto a stool.

"What will it be?" the bartender asked.

"Whiskey," Jim answered.

The bartender nodded. "You look like a man with problems."

Jim scoffed. "You could say that."

The bartender poured his whiskey. "Woman problems?"

"Yeah…among others."

"Did she dump you?"

"We kind of dumped each other," Jim replied.

"You regret it?"

"Every second of the day."

"What about her?"

"I don't think it's what she wanted either."

"Then what are you going to do about it?" the bartender asked.

"I'm going to sit here and think up a plan to get her back," Jim remarked.

"Make it a good one," the other man stated.

Jim took a sip of his drink. "I'll do my best."

"What are you going to do if you can't think up a good plan?"

"Beg…and disown my mother."

The bartender's brow rose. "You got mother problems too?"

Jim gave a short laugh. "Buddy, I have more problems than you can imagine. I have fiancée problems, mother problems, sibling problems, father problems, wedding planning problems."

"You better make your drink a double," the bartender stated. "You've got more problems than one little glass of whiskey can handle."

"Tell me about it," Jim muttered before downing his whiskey. "Give me another one…just keep them coming…because I have to think of a way to get her back…even if it means eloping and disowning the family."

"She means that much to you?"

"There's no one else for me; it has to be her."

The other man nodded and poured him another drink. "Then you go win her back."

"I intend to…I just have to figure out how."

"That's always the problem," the bartender said before he was called away.

Truer words had never been spoken, Jim thought to himself…it was always a problem figuring out how to get out of the problem you had created.

"What are you staring at?" Jeff Campbell asked his girlfriend as she stared back at the bar after the band had finished its last set.

"I think that's your best friend back there drowning his sorrows," Maggie answered. "At least it looks like Jim; it's a little dark in here."

Jeff glanced back at the bar and nodded. "Yeah; that's Jim…wonder how long he's been there?"

"From the look on his face, I'd say it's been awhile…maybe you should go talk to him."

"You better come with me," Jeff commented. "I don't want you sitting here alone…I don't like the looks of some of the people in this crowd."

"Yeah; maybe you're right," Maggie said as she glanced around. "Maybe we should talk him into leaving and we can too."

"Good idea," he said as he rose from his chair, his hand grasping Maggie's elbow as he guided her through the crowd until they reached the bar.

"Jim," Jeff said as he stepped up beside his friend.

Jim glanced at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Maggie and I came to hear the band…what are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm drinking," he said with a grin as he raised his glass.

"Yeah; I can see that…you look like you've been doing a good bit of that tonight."

Jim nodded. "And I'm going to do more."

"Why?" he asked.

Jim scoffed. "Why not? Who do I have to care? I lost Johanna…I lost the only thing I ever wanted."

"Johanna didn't want to break up," Maggie said gently. "She just wanted to slow down the planning…you broke up with her."

Jim glared at her. "Thanks for the newsflash," he said sarcastically. "But just remember, if Johanna doesn't marry me, you don't get to get married either."

"What?" Maggie asked.

"Me and Jeff made a deal; I had to get married first…remember, Jeff; that was our deal, you couldn't get married until I did so if Johanna doesn't marry me, you can't get married either."

"I think we can overlook the deal," Maggie remarked.

"No, we can't," Jim said; "And you don't get to say so; you weren't in the deal."

Her brow rose. "I think I was part of the deal…I'm the one who wants to marry him."

"Doesn't matter!" Jim exclaimed. "It's our deal; keep your nose out of it!"

"Mags," Jeff said with a laugh; "Don't argue with him when he's like this."

"Yeah; Maaggie," Jim said, dragging her name out. "If you want to argue, go argue with Johanna and make her marry me so we can all be happy."

"She does want to marry you…she just needs your mother to shut the hell up," Maggie stated.

Jim huffed a little. "I can't punch my mother…I thought about it but I can't do it. Do you want to do it? You could wait for her outside her garden club and just pop her one," he said with a smile before he took a sip of his drink. "You could do it."

"Only as a last resort," Maggie replied.

"I think we're at the last resort, Maggie!" he exclaimed. "She cost me a wife."

Jeff shook his head. "You're not out a wife yet, buddy. Forget about your mother; focus on getting Johanna back."

"Why do you think I'm here?" Jim asked. "I'm trying to think of a plan to get her to marry me."

"I don't think this is the best place to think of a plan," his friend replied; "You're only getting drunk here."

"I think up some of my best plans when I'm drunk," Jim stated.

"That might be a matter of opinion," Jeff remarked. "You didn't drive here, did you?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I walked."

"You walked all the way here from your apartment?"

Jim nodded. "I tried to think of a plan while walking but I couldn't think of any so I figured I needed a drink."

"That was a hell of a long walk," Jeff commented.

"And I didn't see Johanna at all."

"That's because she's at home…we invited her to come out with us but she doesn't feel like going out."

"Good; why should she have fun," Jim replied; "I'm not having any fun."

Jeff clamped a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Jim; you and Sassy will work things out, you always do."

"It's taking too long."

"It's only been three days."

"I need her back, Jeff."

"We'll get her back," his friend assured. "Why don't you let me and Maggie take you home before you fall off of this bar stool…I think you've had enough to drink."

"But I didn't think up a plan yet because I don't think I can get her to go to Vegas with me…she never wants to go places with me when she's mad. I have to think up a plan."

"You can't think up a plan here," Maggie said; "It's too loud…that's probably why you can't think of anything. You need some quiet to think up your plans."

"Maggie's right," Jeff stated; "It's too loud and you can't think…you go home and have some quiet and you'll think up a good plan. Come on, let me take you home."

"You think if it's quiet I can think of something?" Jim asked.

"I'm sure of it…and if not, I'll help you think of something tomorrow, okay?"

Jim picked up his drink and finished it off. "Okay."

Jeff smiled. "Good, come on, let's get out of here."

Jim stumbled a little as he got off the barstool and Jeff steadied him. "You okay?"

"I'm good," Jim said with a nod; "Just didn't see that step there."

Jeff laughed. "Yeah, those invisible steps are hard to see."

"They shouldn't put them there," Jim replied; "That's dangerous."

"It is," his friend agreed, steering him to the door; "But you don't have to worry about it in the car."

"Can I think of a plan in the car?" Jim asked.

"You can try, buddy. We'll be quiet so you can think."

"Okay, let's go."

Jeff led the way to the car, putting Jim in the backseat as Maggie got in on the passenger side. He got into the driver's seat and looked back at his friend who appeared to already be lost in alcohol soaked thoughts.

"That went easier than I thought it might," Maggie whispered.

"Yeah; I expected a fight too," Jeff murmured as he started the car.

"You said you'd be quiet," Jim said as he laid his head back against the seat. "I got important things to think about and you said I needed quiet to do it."

"You're right, we're sorry," Jeff said with a nod. "We'll be quiet now."

They drove through the city quietly until Jim's voice broke the silence.

"Take me to Johanna's," Jim demanded from the backseat.

Jeff glanced in the rear view mirror. "Why?"

"Cause I got a plan. Take me to her."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Jeff asked. "You're kind of drunk."

"I need to go to her," he remarked. "I'm going to make her marry me."

Maggie stifled a laughed as she turned in the passenger seat to look back at him. "You're going to make her marry you tonight?"

He scowled at her. "Not tonight; no one will marry us tonight. I'm just going to make sure that she'll marry me."

"And how are you going to do that?"

"I got a plan," he said.

"What's the plan?" Maggie asked.

"I'm going to get her pregnant," he answered. "She'll marry me then."

They laughed. "That's your plan?" Jeff asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.

"One of them; it's the best one at the moment."

"What if she isn't open to that?"

"I can seduce her," Jim said confidently.

"You think she won't notice the lack of protection?"

"We only use condoms when we plan ahead," he replied. "I'll pretend like I didn't plan this. Now you take me to her."

"Okay," Jeff replied; "But I hope you know what you're doing. She's probably asleep by now."

"I do," he assured as he dug his keys from his pocket. "I've got a key."

"So you're going to let yourself in and then seduce her and get her pregnant?" his friend asked with a laugh.

"Yes; and if that doesn't work, I've got another plan."

"What's that plan?" Maggie asked.

"Get her to go to Vegas with me."

"I thought you said she wouldn't go with you if she was mad?" Jeff remarked.

"I'll make her not be mad at me."

"How are you going to do that?"

Jim smiled. "I'll seduce her…then she'll go to Vegas with me and I'll get her drunk and she'll marry me."

"Wouldn't that be easier then getting her pregnant?" Jeff asked.

"No; I can talk her into sex easier than going to Vegas...and she could divorce me if we just go to Vegas…but if we have a baby, she's got to stay. So, we're going to have to get pregnant; then she has no choice. So you take me to her because I got to get this baby started tonight; I can't waste anymore time."

"Are you sure it's a good plan?" his friend asked as he made a turn to head towards Johanna's apartment.

"It's the best plan," Jim said; "You were right, I needed quiet…see, now I know what to do. We'll just have a baby; then she'll have to marry me to make everything right."

Jeff pulled up in front of Johanna's building. "Are you really sure you want to go through with this plan?"

"Yep," he replied as he opened the car door. "Thanks for the ride."

"Good luck, buddy."

Jim grinned at him and gave a wave before stumbling to the door of Johanna's building.

"There's one thing he forgot," Maggie said as they watched Jim through the glass door as he waited for the elevator.

"What's that?" Jeff asked.

"Johanna's on the pill; that's why she doesn't worry too much about the lack of condoms."

He gave a short laugh. "I'd like to see her face when he walks in to seduce her."

Maggie giggled. "I'm sure it would be priceless…just like I'm certain that she'll let him stay. She wasn't calling off their whole relationship; she just needed a time out on the wedding stuff."

"I know that, you know that, and Johanna's told him that…but Jim is convinced that if he doesn't get that ring back on her finger that they're doomed."

Maggie shook her head. "She wants to marry him, she just has to work through some things…and I think she's close to being finished with that process."

"Well I hope Jim's visit won't disrupt that."

"I don't think it will," she replied. "Let's go home."

It took Jim two tries to get Johanna's door unlocked but he finally succeeded and he smiled to himself, proud of his effort as he carefully closed the door. He moved through the dark apartment to the bedroom, his hand trailing along the walls to help guide him. His grin remained in place as he spotted Johanna curled up beneath the covers on her side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes and took off his watch and laid it on her vanity. He stripped off his clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor as he made his way to the bed. He pulled the covers off of her and then paused. He needed light; he liked to see her…he needed to make sure he saw her clearly when she agreed to marry him. He reached for the lamp, fumbling with the switch but finally it came on and he climbed onto the bed, straddling her hips as she stirred.

Johanna blinked against the light and then flinched, startled to realize that she wasn't alone. "You're awake, good, I need you to be awake" Jim said, capturing her lips in a kiss before she could even utter a word.

"Jim," she said once he broke their kiss. "What are you doing?"

"Seducing you," he replied as he reached for the hem of her nightgown.

"Seducing me?" Johanna asked with a sleepy laugh as she glanced at the clock and saw that it was twelve-thirty. He always did have a thing for showing up after midnight; not she minded but she hadn't expected him to show up with the intent to seduce…that was the last thing she had expected.

"Yep, I'm seducing you" he replied; sliding her nightgown upwards until he realized that he couldn't get it off of her. His hands circled her rib cage, gently tugging her up from the mattress. "Sit up," he demanded. "You have to take this off."

Johanna sat up and allowed him to rid her of her nightgown, thinking that maybe with the obstacle gone she could slow him down and figure out the reason for his impromptu seduction. She caressed his face for a moment and then allowed her fingers to trail down to his bare chest. "You must be anxious…usually you let me help you with your clothes."

"I didn't want to waste time," he replied; his lips capturing hers as he lowered her back down against her pillow.

Johanna could taste the traces of whiskey in his mouth as he kissed her although she wasn't surprised. She could tell by looking at him that he was drunk. She slid her fingers into his hair as his lips lifted away from hers. "Honey, you're drunk."

"That's okay," Jim said with a grin. "It'll still be good, I promise."

"I'm sure it will be," she laughed as he resumed his usual tactics of touches and kisses that always had her begging for more. "Why do you think you need to seduce me?"

"…Make you marry me," he mumbled against her skin; his lips trailing hot kisses along her collar bone.

"I do want to marry you, Jim. I just said we needed to think some more about rushing into this wedding."

He shook his head; his mouth reclaiming hers. "No more thinking," he muttered. "You think too much. You gotta stop thinking so much. You'll marry me, I'm gonna make sure."

Amusement flicked across her features. "How are you going to do that?"

"It's a secret. Take this off," he told her, his fingers fumbling with her bra, frustration on his features as he couldn't find the clasp.

"You're very demanding tonight," she said with a soft laugh.

"I don't know why you wear this to bed anyway," he muttered, tugging at the soft material.

"I told you why," Johanna murmured. "My mother always made my sister and I wear them at night; she said it was what proper girls did and that it would be good for our figures…that we wouldn't sag. It's just a habit now…I'm used to wearing a bra all the time so it doesn't bother me to wear it at night."

"You can't wear it tonight," he said gruffly. "Why won't it unhook?"

"The clasp is in the back," she laughed.

"You're hiding it from me," he accused. "That's not nice."

"I don't make them, honey; I just wear them. The hooks are usually always in the back, you know that…God knows you've taken enough of them off of me."

"You need some that come off from the front."

She giggled. "That would make it too easy for you."

"You don't like to make things easy," Jim stated, his fingers pulling at the straps. "Take this damn thing off."

"Say the magic word," she teased.

"Please. I need to finish seducing you…take it off…now."

Johanna laid a gentle hand against his chest and pushed him back a pace as she sat up. She reached around her back and unhooked her bra, slipping it off and letting it fall to the floor. "Is that better?" she asked.

He grinned; his greedy hands reaching out to caress her. "Much better," he said as he kissed her and pushed her back against her pillow before he trailed kisses along the skin he had exposed. "See, it was in the way."

"Jim," she said softly; "Can we slow down a little?"

He shook his head. "We've got to do this, it's the plan."

"We will," Johanna assured; "But you kind of surprised me you know…you have to give me time to catch up to you…and there's still something you haven't taken off of me."

"I'll get to those."

"I have no doubt."

"There aren't any hooks on them, are there?"

She laughed. "No; I've never had hooks on my underwear."

He smiled. "Good…because then I'd think you were trying to keep me out."

"I wouldn't do that," she told him; "But let's slow down a little, okay? You say you have a plan and I want it to be just right for you…so let's slow down so I can catch up, okay?"

"You won't stop?" he asked.

"No," she murmured with a shake of her head as she caressed his chest. "I just want it to be the way it always is…I want us both to enjoy it; you know?"

Jim didn't answer but he ceased to rush; slowing down as she had asked. She figured with them slowing down that he'd probably pass out before they got too far…but she was wrong. She didn't necessarily mind being wrong, she thought to herself as she realized that he was stripping her of her remaining garment. Even in his drunken state he had managed to set her on fire and after spending a lonely few days without him, she was desperate for their closeness and intimacy. Her fingers dug into his back, his name tumbling from her lips as she begged him to give her what she needed.

He pulled back, capturing her wrists and gently pinning them to the pillow above her head. "Jim," she said; her eyes opening, her voice a mixture of pleading and confusion.

"Say you'll marry me, first."

"Honey; I never said I didn't want to."

"Do you want to go to Vegas?" he asked; his voice slightly slurring the word.

"What?"

"Do you want to go to Vegas? I'll get you drunk and marry you there."

"Not tonight," she replied; "We have other business at hand…and I really wish you'd get back to it."

He grinned. "I can't give you what you want until you give me what I want. You have to say you're going to marry me. We're going to get married and have a baby like you wanted…and if you want another after that one, I guess that's okay too, but that's all. I don't want a whole lot like Michael. That's too many."

"Okay," she said with a nod, "Only one or two babies for us; whichever God wants us to have…are we good now?"

"Nope; you have to say it."

"Jim," she whined, squirming against him in hopes of making him pick up where they had left off.

"Say you'll marry me, sweetheart."

She looked into his eyes. "I'll marry you, honey."

"Promise?"

Johanna nodded. "I promise."

Jim smiled and kissed her; releasing her wrists. "Good…but just to make sure; we're going to start the baby now."

"What?"

"Shh," he shushed as he kissed her. "It'll be okay; you'll be a good mommy."

Before she could say another word, he picked up where he had left off and obliterated her thoughts.

Later on, after he had carried out his so called plan twice and the light had been turned out, Johanna laid on her side; caressing Jim's face as she watched his eyelids flutter tiredly. 'Do you think it worked?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Did what work?"

"The baby? If we have a baby then you'll have to marry me. Do you think it worked?"

She smiled. "I don't know yet but I'll let you know when I find out for sure. You go to sleep now, you worked hard, you're tired," she told him as she pressed a kiss to his lips.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, keeping her tucked against him. "We'll get married soon," he muttered.

"Soon," she repeated. "I promise."

"And we'll have our baby."

"I still have the booties for our baby," she murmured.

"Good; because we're going to need them soon…but don't worry; we'll get married before anyone can tell the baby's there."

"Okay," Johanna said with a smile, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. "You sleep now…you need your rest."

"I love you, sweetheart," he murmured.

"I love you too, Jim."

His eyes closed and his breathing evened out as Johanna remained awake; her arm around him as she remained tucked against him. She blew out a soft breath; what a mess they were in…but despite his best efforts that night she knew things wouldn't be further complicated by a baby; she had been taking her birth control pills religiously ever since he had proposed. She didn't want to be pregnant at her wedding…if she ever got to have one.

The next morning, Johanna laid awake; her fingers raking softly through Jim's hair as he slept beside her. She smiled a little; he was completely out of it; hadn't even flinched when she had wiggled out from under his arm over an hour earlier so that she could go to the bathroom…and after her morning routines, she had gone to the kitchen and took her pill; guaranteeing that his plan to get her pregnant had failed; but she was sure he wouldn't mind once he sobered up. She had come back to bed though and tried to doze back off but couldn't. Instead she had just laid there in the silence, watching him sleep…that odd feeling that had hung over her apartment the last few days had dissipated now that he was there but still she was worried.

Johanna sighed softly and pressed a soft kiss against Jim's forehead. She didn't know where things stood between them now…if he'd be mad about her letting him go through with his planned seduction or if it was the reset button they needed. Between her talk with her grandmother and Jim's surprise visit she was feeling some better…and she had thought some things through before falling asleep. They needed to talk…but she needed to prepare for it. She didn't want to make things worse before she could make them better…and she worried he'd be mad when he woke up. If he was mad, he wouldn't be in any mood to talk…and he was definitely going to be hungover which wouldn't do either one of them any favors.

The phone rang, startling her and she quickly studied Jim to see if he stirred but he remained still and undisturbed. Johanna grabbed the phone before it could ring for a third time. "Hello?" she said softly.

"Bambina," her grandmother answered; "You told me to call when I was up and about to get ready. Are you still coming to go out with me?"

She had almost forgotten about that; and with Jim lying next to her she was reluctant to go…but she didn't want to disappoint her grandmother…and it might be best to give Jim some space while he dealt with hangover. "Yeah, Grandma; I'll be there. I just have to get dressed and then I'll be on my way."

"Alright, darling; I'll be ready when you get here."

"See you soon," Johanna replied before ending the call. She glanced at Jim; she hated to run out while he was still asleep but she was hesitant to wake him…afraid of how he'd react once he remembered his plan and that she had allowed him to see it through.

With that thought in mind, she slipped out of bed and got ready for her day out with her grandmother. When she was finished, she took a piece of paper and a pen out of the nightstand and wrote him a note; propping it up against the lamp so he'd be sure to see it when he woke. She brushed a soft kiss against his lips and then grabbed her purse from the vanity and left the room. She'd have her afternoon with her grandmother…and then she'd concentrate on getting things settled.

It was nearly eleven when Jim blinked against the rays of sun that were stabbing his eye lids. He groaned and rolled over; his head aching and the memory of the night before coming back to his mind quickly. Another groan slipped across his lips…how stupid was he? Johanna must think he was a complete and total idiot with the stupid plan he had came up with…and executed since she hadn't tried to stop him at all. He blew out a breath…maybe the fact that she hadn't stopped was a good sign but he still felt stupid…and he was lying in her bed alone now. He sighed; he had made a fool out of himself…again.

"Jo?" he called out as he pushed himself upright in the bed.

Silence greeted his ears…not even the distant sound of the television could be heard. He frowned and called her name once more. "Johanna?"

No answer. His gaze swept over the room; his clothes had been picked up and folded…placed at the foot of the bed on her side where he could easily reach them. Worry gnawed at his gut until he caught sight of the note propped up against the lamp. He grabbed the sheet of paper and hurriedly read her words.

Jim,

Please don't think I ran out on you; I didn't…not the way you're probably thinking that I did anyway. I made plans with my grandmother last night and I didn't want to disappoint her…and I figured with past history of your hangovers that maybe it would be best if I just let you sleep and have some space to yourself before we talked…and we will talk, I promise. I turned on the coffee pot; the coffee will be ready for you when you get up and as always, there's plenty of food in the fridge; get something to eat…and get something for your headache that I'm sure you have. I'll see you later. I love you.

She didn't seem mad in her letter; he was grateful for that…and she said she loved him…not that he had doubted that, but it was still good to know. He didn't blame her for thinking about past hangovers when things hadn't gone well between them…maybe it was best if they had some space for a little while before they saw each other again. He just hoped she planned on seeing him sooner rather than later…because he was ready for this to be put behind them. He still wanted to get married in August…but maybe he could find something else that he could make a concession to make it easier for that to happen. He'd give her time to come to him later in the day; if she didn't…well, he'd just come back to her…sober and without grand plans but hopefully they'd work it out anyway.

Johanna hesitated for a moment but then raised her hand and wrapped on Jim's door early that evening. She held her breath as she listened to the sound of his footsteps crossing the apartment. Finally the door opened and he stood before her; a flicker of surprise in his eyes at the sight of her. He looked tired, but she wasn't surprised; his drunken stupor the night before had probably taken a toll, as had the nights when sleep had most likely eluded him as it had done her. There was remorse in his blue eyes and she itched to reach out and caress his face; to smooth away the worry that furrowed his brow but she held back. She could just imagine what he was reading in her own expression. She offered him a weary half smile; unsure if she was going to be welcome or not as tears filled her eyes. She was still worried that he might be angry with her for not being there when he woke up that morning…or angry that she had allowed him to go through with his 'seduction'.

"Why didn't you use your key?" Jim asked as he stepped back to allow her inside; closing the door behind her.

"I didn't know if I should," she replied quietly. "With the way things are…I just thought it would probably be best if I knocked."

He shook his head. "You could've used your key…it's just as much your home as it is mine."

Her worried gaze met his. "Is it still?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

She laid her purse on the stand near the door; her teeth worrying her bottom lip as she faced him; struggling to find the right words to make everything all right again. "I was afraid you might be angry with me for last night and this morning," she admitted softly.

He shook his head. "I'm not angry; you didn't do anything wrong. If anyone should be mad it should probably be you. I'm the one who came to you drunk and…"

She gave him a small smile. "It wasn't anything I didn't want."

"I missed you," Jim said softly as he took a step towards her; sensing that she was still unsure of where she stood.

"I missed you too," she whispered; the ache of longing for him pushing to the surface.

His hands slipped around her waist, pulling her against him. It had been a long, lonely few days without her and he just couldn't fight the urge to touch her despite spending the night before with her; or the urge that had him lowering his head to capture her lips in a long awaited kiss. She returned his kiss; her hand sliding against his chest slowly before settling at the back of his neck; her fingertips finding their way into his hair. When their kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against hers for a moment until she pulled back; her eyes meeting his.

"Can we talk?" Johanna murmured.

Jim nodded as he allowed her to slip from his grasp. "I think we probably should. Sit down."

She moved to the sofa, perching on the edge of the cushion; her hands fluttering against her denim clad knees as she tired to find the right way to begin. Jim moved to the opposite side of the sofa, giving her some space as he sat down; hoping that they were going to resolve this issue in a way that would make both of them happy.

"I'm sorry," she told him; the lump in her throat making it hard for her to swallow her emotions.

Jim shook his head. "No, sweetheart; I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have let things get so out of hand and I shouldn't have let it turn into a fight between us."

"It's my fault," Johanna replied. "I let Elizabeth get to me. I let her get into my head. I should've walked away instead of fighting with her. I know I made a fool out of myself and that I embarrassed you."

"You didn't make a fool out of yourself," he insisted. "I'm sorry I said that; I didn't mean it. I was embarrassed but not of you, Jo. I was embarrassed because of my mother and her tendency to be a snob. I was embarrassed by the way my brother fell in line with her and helped keep it going….the things they all said. I love her but they made me angry, and I ended up taking that out on you and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that they hurt you."

Her lip trembled as she struggled to keep her tears at bay. "That doesn't excuse the way I acted though. I just...I felt so unwelcome there; and so uncomfortable and when she started in on who was paying or not paying for the wedding...I tried, Jim. I tried not to get angry; but I couldn't let her sit there and act like my family is so far beneath her. If she wants to think I'm trash that's fine; but not my family. I know they have flaws but they're mine and I love them."

"I know you do; and you have every right to defend them but I want you to know that no one thinks your family is trash. No one thinks you are, either."

"Yes, they do…at least that's the way it feels lately. Your mother goes out of her way to make it clear that she doesn't think I'm good enough for you."

"That's not her call to make."

"Not in her way of thinking. My family doesn't have as much money as yours and apparently we don't have the social standing she requires for admittance into her family...and then of course is the simple fact that she hated me from the moment she laid eyes on me."

"What she thinks doesn't matter," Jim insisted.

"Yes, it does," she replied. "It matters to you…you can say it doesn't all you want but somewhere inside it does. She's your mother; of course you want her approval."

"Would I like to have it, yes," he admitted; "But it doesn't change anything that I don't. It's my life, not hers. I love her dearly…but she doesn't rule my life…that ended the day I moved out to go to college. I don't care what she thinks of us. She's not in our relationship; we are…her opinions of it don't matter to me and I wish they didn't matter so much to you."

"They only matter to me because I love you," Johanna told him. "I don't want you to be caught between us."

"I'm not…you're the woman I love. You're the person I want to be with and I don't care who likes it and who doesn't."

A tear broke free and tumbled down her cheek. "I feel like I don't fit in with your family, Jim," she whispered. "Your mother hates me; William is just like her or worse…Michael and Natalie refused to be a part of our wedding because they don't want to go against her; they won't even let the kids participate. Your sister bounces back and forth like a ping pong ball. I thought your father liked me well enough…but lately even he doesn't seem to think much of us being together…acting like I'm making you do all the work for the wedding and bringing up giving us money for it like I can't afford it which got this whole thing started the other night."

"I don't think that's how he meant it," Jim said gently. "I think he just wanted to contribute to the honeymoon as a gift."

"Yeah, but this money issue keeps coming up with your family…just like when you wanted us to go away for the weekend and he got on your case about it so we didn't go. Your mother acts like I'm some pauper that just latched on to you to use your money…and I can just imagine what your siblings think now."

"What they think doesn't matter," he replied. "I know you. I know your heart and your mind. I know you love me and I know you don't need my money or want it. Mom acts like we're on par with the Rockefellers and we're not, Jo. Please don't let them do this to you. As for Dad, he does like you a great deal…but that doesn't mean he's immune from antiquated notions, sweetheart. I'm sure your father has a few as well."

"He does…but for once, he's not the problem."

She was right about that, Jim thought to himself…the trouble wasn't coming from the person she had expected it to come from back when they had first started dating. Frank McKenzie had done his fatherly duty and interrogated him, found him acceptable and had moved on with life. Johanna's family had accepted him easily…it would've been nice if his family had returned the favor. "How do you feel about my family, Jo?" he asked. "You told me how they've made you feel but you haven't told me how you feel about them."

She wiped away the moisture on her cheeks. "I like your father a great deal and I would be happy to claim Andrew as my brother. I like Michael and Natalie when they're not hurting your feelings…I love your nieces and nephews. I even like Madelyn well enough when she's not being snippy. I can do without William…and I think I could learn to get along with your mother if she'd just give me a chance…but she won't…and I have to make my peace with that. Its not that I don't like them or want to fit in…it's just that I don't feel very welcome. I don't feel like I fit in with them."

His heart fell a little. "Is that going to be a deal breaker? Are they running you off, Jo?"

Johanna shook her head. "No. I love you too much to be run off without a fight…although I understand if you find that hard to believe after the other night."

"I'm the one who flew off the handle and ended things that night," Jim replied; "And I'm sorry for that, Jo; I really am. I was so angry that I didn't even try to talk you down…all I could focus on was you saying that you wanted to slow down and postpone the wedding and I just took that as you saying you changed your mind and that you didn't want to marry me."

"That's not true…and I never said I didn't want to marry you. I just…I had so much in my head and knowing how your family feels about me and the pressure of wedding planning and how I can't seem to get anything figured out fast enough for anyone…I…guess it just got to be too much in that moment. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he murmured. "I know how it feels to get overwhelmed…I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding of that feeling."

"It's alright…we were both caught up in the heat of the moment," Johanna replied as she raked her hand through her hair. "I've been thinking about all of this these last few days…thinking about what I need and don't need…and what it comes down to is that I need you, Jim. I just need you. I don't need some fancy dress or a church. I don't need a color scheme and a fancy meal. I don't need some big cake or bridesmaids or flowers. I don't need a ton of guests or some great reception venue. I don't need any of it…I don't need a wedding. I just need you, Jim."

He swallowed the lump in his throat, fearing the worst as he met her eye. "Are you saying that you don't want to marry me?"

"No; that's not what I'm saying. If you'll still have me, there's nothing I want more than to be your wife," Johanna replied. "Will you still have me?"

"You know the answer to that," Jim remarked. "You know there's nothing I want more. I want to marry you, Jo."

"Then we'll get married," she said; "We can just go to City Hall and be married…we don't even have to wait until summer for that. We can go this week or next month…whenever you want…because I don't need a wedding. I just need you."

He moved closer to her, his thumb wiping away the tears on her cheek. "But that's not what you've always dreamed of, sweetheart," he murmured. "Getting married in the church is important to you; not just because it's the tradition in your family…but because you said it was important to you to be married in the eyes of God."

"I know," Johanna replied, doing her best to hold back another wave of tears; "But what's most important to me is being with you. I don't need a wedding…and maybe that's why I can't find a dress or settle on details. Maybe I've known all along that I don't really need it."

Jim chose his words carefully. "I think that you've been having trouble with planning things because you won't ask your parents if they're contributing financially…and I understand why you don't want to ask. Your father hung your education over your head once to make you do his bidding and you're afraid to hand him a second opportunity. You have your pride…and yet it's struggling against what you know is tradition…and you want all the traditions because that's who you are."

"If I was all about being traditional, I'd still be a virgin," she retorted.

He smiled a little. "I didn't mean it to that extreme…but I think the money issue is what's putting pressure on you."

Johanna shook her head and rose from the sofa, going to the stand to collect her purse. "Don't go, Johanna," Jim said. "We can work it out."

"I'm not leaving," she told him as she carried her purse back to the sofa. "This money issue is such a big deal with your family…and me asking my parents seems to be a big deal between us…and I figure if we're going to be married you should know exactly what I have that's mine," she said as she opened her purse and took out her checkbook and a few bank statements. She opened her checkbook first, flipping through the register to find her latest balance.

"Jo, I don't want to look in your checkbook…that's your business."

"No, it's our business," she replied; holding it open to the right spot for him to see. "This is what I have in my checking account; you can also see where I paid my rent and my other bills."

"Jo, we don't need to do this."

"We do," she said with conviction as she closed her checkbook and began opening up bank statements. "How can I expect you or your family to know what I have if I haven't really shown you exactly what I have sitting in various accounts? I'm not going to show these papers to your relatives to satisfy them…but I'm showing them to you…because I want to; because I want you to know what I have going in to this marriage. Now this statement here is my savings account; it's an account that my parents started for me when I was born and that I've added to ever since I started working. I have taken money out of it at times for vacations and things but you can see that I do save money."

"I know you have savings," Jim said; barely glancing at the balance she tapping her finger against.

"I know you do but I want you to know what I have," she remarked, laying the statement aside and reaching for another. "This shows the most recent balance of the trust fund that my mother's father left me…look at it; don't just barely glance at it."

"I feel like I'm invading your privacy," he remarked, a flicker of anger in his tone along with resentment that she was making him do this.

"You're not invading my privacy. I'm showing you what I'm bringing to the marriage. You have a right to know. This trust fund was set up when I was eleven; I didn't gain access to it until I was twenty-one. I've never touched it…my father wouldn't let me use a dime of it for school or even for my apartment. He wouldn't let me use any of my savings for school. As you can see, the account has grown nicely."

Jim scoffed a little; twenty thousand dollars was more than just nice. "If that's what you consider just 'nice', then I'd hate to see what great is."

Worry knitted her brow. "Is it a problem that I have this money?"

He sighed deeply. "No; it's just more than a nice sum. Christ, Jo; that's almost enough to buy a house with."

"I know…and that's what I intend to use it for one day if we decide to buy a house but it's not like I sit and think about this account every day because I don't. I know it's there but I don't bother with it. Now this next statement is the current balance of the trust left to me by my great-grandmother when I was fifteen. I was also allowed access to it when I turned twenty-one but again I was told not to touch it and I haven't."

Jim blew out a breath; another ten thousand, he noted. His bride to be had thirty thousand dollars just from two grandparents. He wished he could show those papers to his mother because she'd choke on them for sure.

"Nona also left me a few pieces of her jewelry…a diamond ring, a diamond pendant necklace and a diamond bracelet. The pieces are old and valuable; you've seen two of them…but I could never part with them unless it was a dire emergency and I had no other options."

"You don't ever have to worry about that," Jim told her. "I'd never let you sell your grandmother's jewelry."

"It would always be an absolute last resort," Johanna went on; picking up the next bank statement. "This is the account that the dividends go into from my grandmother's stocks; I've only had them for almost two years so it's not a lot of money in there but you can see that there is money going in."

"I know about your grandmother's stocks, Jo. I helped you get it sorted out."

"I know…but I want to be completely honest about everything," she told him, opening up the last statement. "This is the money my grandfather left me; you remember that he left me five thousand dollars…it's collected a little interest in almost two years."

"Are we done with this now?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes, now you know where I stand financially."

"Yeah; now I feel like you should be asking me to sign a pre-nup," Jim remarked.

"Don't be ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "We don't need one of those! What is ours before the marriage will remain ours if we should end up divorced one day…what we gain during the marriage can be battled for in court if necessary but any future children are mine, I'm telling you that right now. You can have my money but you won't get my kid."

"I don't think we need to discuss this."

"You're the one who brought it up."

"I know and I'm sorry I did."

She glanced at him a hint of nervousness in her eyes. "Does it bother you that I have some money in the bank? I mean I've never kept it a secret, you knew I had trust funds that I haven't touched."

"Yeah; I know…I just didn't think they had that much in them," he admitted.

Maybe she had made a mistake in being completely honest about what she had, Johanna thought to herself. "I can always put the money back into trusts for any children we might have one day…if you still want to marry me. I didn't really think you'd have a problem with it…you never seemed to be that type of man to care if a woman had her own money."

"I don't care; I just didn't realize that you had so much of it."

"I'll put it back into trusts so that it can't be touched…then it'll be like it's not mine anymore."

Jim shook his head. "No, Johanna; don't do that. That's your money from your grandparents…it's not a problem for me that you have money. It was just a surprise that there was more of it than I thought…not that I asked to know because that's your business."

"It's our business…and I feel better that you know."

"I'm glad you feel better about it but can we get back to talking about the wedding?" he asked.

"I told you, I've been thinking about it and I don't need a fancy wedding, Jim. I just need to be with you…I want us to be married…I want to be a good wife for you. We can just go before a judge and be married whenever you want."

Jim shook his head. "That's not your dream."

"You're my dream…the rest are just extra things that aren't needed especially if they're going to cause so much trouble. I want us to go into our marriage being happy."

"That's what I want too…and if I thought it didn't really matter, I wouldn't hesitate to take you to City Hall next weekend and marry you…but it does matter, Jo; I know it does. It matters to you."

"Not at the expense of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere…but I don't want to think about us going to other peoples weddings through the years and you sitting there thinking about how you wished we would've had something more special than a five minute ceremony in an office. That's not what I want for us…it's not what I want for you. I want you to have a wedding."

"Why?" she asked; a touch of anguish in her voice.

"Because it's going to be your only chance to have one…because I'm not going to let you go once I have you. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams."

"I don't need it," she began to say but he laid a finger against her lips to silence her.

"You do," he said; meeting her eye as his finger remained against her lips. "You do need it…and I want you to have it. I need you to have it."

"Why?" Johanna asked as his finger fell away from her mouth.

Jim smiled as he brushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Because I'm looking forward to seeing you in a wedding dress."

She scoffed. "I can't even find a damn dress and knowing you, you wouldn't care if I walked down the aisle in a silk nightgown."

"I can't deny that I enjoy seeing you in silk nightgowns," he replied; "But you can save that for our wedding night. I want to see you walking down the aisle in a wedding dress…I want to see you wearing that veil you fell in love with in Baltimore. I want to see you have your moment…I want everyone to see that I'm marrying the most beautiful girl in this city. I want us to have our wedding…I want us to look back and know we did it right; not regret that we allowed people to ruin this moment for us. I know you want it too…don't you?"

Tears spilled down her cheeks despite her best intentions. "Of course I do…but I don't need it."

"You do," he said with a nod. "And I want us to have it…and I'm not taking no for an answer, sweetheart. We're going to have our wedding…you're not getting out of it."

Johanna resigned herself to the idea that he wasn't going to let her make the sacrifice to keep the peace in his family.

"We're going to have our wedding, right?" Jim asked.

"Yes," she murmured. "I'll pay for it…when my grandfather left me that five thousand dollars, he said in his letter to use it for my wedding. It should be more than enough as long as we don't go overboard with an overblown guest list."

"I'll help pay for the wedding," he told her. "We'll both pay for it."

"No. It's the bride's family's responsibility. My family hasn't offered so it's going to be the bride's responsibility. I'll pay for it with the money my grandfather gave me…we'll have the steak dinners but there are some things I had ideas of that I might need to cut back on because it could be too expensive."

"We can have whatever you want but I could pay…"

"No…I won't budge on that, Jim. I won't have your family lording that over me the rest of my life. I'll pay for the wedding, you pay for the honeymoon."

"Jo…"

"No," she said firmly. "It's either that way or we go before a judge."

"Alright, sweetheart," he relented.

"I'm glad we have that settled," Johanna said quietly as she put her checkbook and bank statements back in her purse. "I want us to be able to put this behind us."

"We'll put it behind us," he said; "But I think there's more to it than what we've talked about."

"What does that mean?"

"What else was bothering you that night?" Jim asked. "Because I feel like this was something more than an issue of money and who's paying for what. I have money and you have money and we both know it whether we have assistance from either set of parents…so what else was it, Jo?"

She got to her feet, carrying her purse back to the stand and laying it down…wishing they could just leave well enough alone.

"Johanna," he said, watching her as she lingered by the door, her fingers toying with the strap of her purse.

She turned to face him, raking her fingers through her hair once more. "I just wonder when you're going to start looking at me through their eyes."

"What are you talking about?" he demanded to know.

"I just wonder when they're going to get in your head…I wonder what happens when you start to see me through their eyes. Your mother looks at me and sees me as high maintenance…a user…a slut…trouble…worthless. Two of your brothers look at me the same way and one of them didn't used to…I think even Natalie is starting to look at me that way. So when do you start looking at me that way? When do they get to you? And what happens when they do?"

"That's never going to happen," Jim said as he got to his feet and moved across the room to where she stood.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you," he replied. "I know who you are, inside and out. I know you're not any of those things you listed and my mother would know it too if she'd just get to know you. I love you and the only eyes I look at you through are my own…I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. So if you're worried that they're going to change my mind one day, you can just stop worrying because that's not going to happen."

"I worry about coming between you and your family," Johanna confessed. "I'd never be the one to make the ultimatum…but I know your mother wouldn't hesitate. I don't want to come between you and I feel like one day I will...and yet I can't make myself walk away because I love you and I want to marry you."

He reached for her hands, holding them tightly. "The only person that can come between me and my mother is her…not you. It wouldn't be your doing, it would be hers. I don't see it ever happening…and if it did, it wouldn't last for long because she wouldn't be able to stand it. I know you worry about it and I wish I could make you stop because I don't worry about it at all. I'm a grown man; she doesn't rule my life just like your mother doesn't rule yours. We're adults, not school kids. We love each other and we're getting married…no one can stop us and anyone who has a problem with it…well it's their problem, not ours, sweetheart. So please let those worries go…it doesn't matter what my family thinks, it doesn't matter if your family isn't paying for anything. Nothing matters but us, okay?"

She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks once more. "I'm sorry I'm like this," she cried.

He smiled as he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "I'm not. Now just to be sure we're on the same page again, we are getting married, right?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"August eighteenth like we planned?"

"Yes…I'm paying for the wedding; you're paying for the honeymoon."

"It doesn't seem quite fair to you but I know how to pick my battles," Jim murmured as he brushed a soft kiss against her hair.

"Good…because you won't win."

He laughed softly. "I don't doubt that."

She held on to him tightly; drinking in the feel of his arms around her. "Just so you know; I took my pill this morning so I'm pretty sure your plan to get me pregnant last night failed."

"Yeah…I remembered that detail when I sobered up this morning," Jim replied. "I'm sorry that I thought up such a stupid idea."

"I'm not," she murmured. "I was glad to see you."

"Even though I was drunk and trying to make you marry me through a pregnancy attempt?"

"Oh most definitely," she said with a nod. "Why should I be the only one with slightly embarrassing drunk stories…besides, like I said, it wasn't anything I didn't want…and I can't deny enjoying it."

"I enjoyed it too," he quipped; "The hangover not so much but your participation was enjoyed."

"I should hope so."

He smiled at the warmth in her tone as he held her tightly. "Will you stay tonight?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Johanna whispered. "There's nothing I want more."

"You'll put your ring back on?" he asked.

Johanna slipped her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out her engagement ring. "You're carrying a two thousand dollar diamond around in your pocket?" Jim asked in horror.

"I wanted to have it with me…if you didn't want to give me another chance, I was going to leave it here because it wouldn't be right to keep it; and if you did take me back, I wanted to be able to put it back on if you said I could."

Jim took the ring from her hand and slid it onto her finger before raising her hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss against it. "We're okay now?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

"And no one is going to get in your head about us again?"

"No…we're getting married and nothing else matters…I just needed some time to sort myself out but I'm okay now."

"Good," Jim said with a soft sigh of relief. "I say we spend what's left of this weekend ignoring phone calls and not going anywhere where we might run into people we don't want to see."

"I'm all for that," she said, weariness washing over her. It had been a long few days and she was anxious to feel settled once more. "I'm tired."

He nodded as he pulled her back into his arms. "Me too…we'll just ignore the rest of the world until Monday when we're forced to rejoin it."

"Sounds good to me…seems like things are always best when it's just the two of us."

Jim held her tighter, brushing a kiss against her hair; he couldn't agree more with that assessment.

A/N: It's not over yet…Jim isn't the only person who has been thinking up plans…stay tuned ;) Part three is already started!