Chapter 80: Disobeying Orders

Derek would have never predicted how quickly they would repair the damage in their relationship. Three weeks after they made up in the intern locker room, their connection was more solid than it had been before the breakup, growing stronger every day. Mainly due to the fact that they sat down and talked, at least twenty minutes a day, every day. Their life was fast and irregular, but the conversation time was a steady unchangeable point in the program. Some days, it was important stuff, other just a light drabble. It brought about progress.

Outside the hospital they were inseparable, practically living together just as they agreed on. Practically, because the choice of the place to do the living together part was harder than it would seem. Derek assumed he would simply move in with Meredith, but she surprised him again by insisting to spend a considerable amount of time on his land. She was apparently in love with his land. She even enthusiastically agreed to be taught how to fish when it got warmer. The amount of sex they were having was not on this earth. They were like bunnies on drugs, especially now that Meredith was back on the pill. They fucked whenever and wherever they wished.

Like now, for example. Derek's mind was happily drifting between the worlds of dream and reality as he kept pounding relentlessly into Meredith's warmth, his swollen balls slapping against her. She was on all fours with her cute butt in the air, offered just for him. Didn't he fully take advantage? He was totally crazy about her, about the way her slick walls enveloped his length, spasming around him; about the way she was succumbing to whatever he was doing with her body, about the guttural uninhibited screams and moans.

Her body shook with pleasure and her arms gave in letting her face sink onto the pillow. Derek tightened his grip on her hips not letting her fall as her trembling legs also threatened to surrender. His thrusts doubled in force, they both liked it rough. Her orgasm seemed to go on and on forever, challenging and teasing him into his own release. He was unyielding though. He waited patiently, sweat working up on his brow, until the wave crashed over her. Feeling her fall into the postcoital bliss he pumped into her hard and succumbed into the pleasure spraying her channel with his seed. Once done, he managed to steer himself slightly on the side so as not to crush her inert body and sank down spooning her. They lay in the tight sweaty embrace for quite some time, the only sound filling the trailer being their heavy respiration slowly returning to normal.

"Amazing," she murmured breathlessly. "You're amazing…"

"Of course, I am," he snickered. "I am a sex god and I'm huge."

"Arrogant much?" she giggled reaching behind her to slap his ass.

"Nope, just repeating your own words, love," he smirked.

"Huh, I guess I had to feed your ego, so you took me here," she shrugged.

"You really love this place," he stated in wonder.

"I do," she sighed contentedly rolling to her back in his arms. "It's just the two of us in here. Like a lost world. It's beautiful, it's magical."

His eyes sparkled as a sudden thought occurred in his mind. It was a bit crazy but blame the recklessness on the orgasmic high.

"Would you… like to live here?" he asked breathlessly. "Permanently?"

"In the trailer?" she laughed. "I do love it. But it's too small for the day to day. Half of my wardrobe wouldn't fit in-"

"No, I mean," he looked at her enthusiastically. "I have a lot of land. It could be… our land… we could have a house on it…"

"A house?" she repeated gazing at him curiously and her eyes lit. "A house… Just for us, made for us, just the way we want…"

"Just the way we want…" he nodded and brought her hand to his lips.

They contemplated the idea in silence until Meredith said quietly. "Let's build a house… a home for us…"

He shook his head at her in reverence and locked his lips with her in a sweet kiss full of promise.

"Am I a genius too?" he asked cockily.

"What, being a sex god with a huge cock is not enough?" she smirked.

"Oh, well, you don't need to say this," he shrugged. "I'm a neurosurgeon, being a genius is a part of the definition."

"Keep telling yourself that. Just so you know, this," she sat up and patted his messy head, "is not the one head I'm with you for," she giggled and leapt running out of bed.

He rested frozen in the bed for a second before he jumped after her with a roar. "Now you're asking for it!"

He cornered her in the already steamy shower, eyeing her like a predator before lunging on his prey.

"Asking for what?" she battled her lashes at him innocently, her arms together in front of her chest.

He smirked at her wickedly, "You're so easy-"

She faked an indignant huff.

"- to decipher, I meant," he finished with a naughty grin. "Your thoughts always seem to run into one direction only."

"Seriously?" she squinted challenging him.

"Seriously," he murmured and plunged his hand between her legs turning her to face the shower wall. "Now, let's get to do what you lured me here for," he whispered hotly into her ear. "Bend."

Just like every other day for the last three weeks they carpooled to work together, bought a cup of coffee at the cart near the entrance and made their way up to their floor, their pinkies hooked discreetly. They didn't really care about the gossip anymore. Everyone seemed to get used to their bliss by now. The looks they were getting, even if sometimes still curious, were all kind and friendly.

"Ah, I need to go," Derek read the message on his pager as they exited the elevator.

"See you at lunch then, barring any complications," she smiled and gave him a little sweet kiss on the lips before they parted in opposite directions.

Fifteen minutes later, already in his scrubs, Derek entered the CT room to find one of the lab tech specialists already there.

"Morning," nodded Derek. "Is there something for me?"

"Dr. Shepherd," nodded the man in grayish scrubs.

"Isaac, if you don't stop calling me Dr. Shepherd, I'm seriously going to have to cut you off."

"Right, forgot," smiled Isaac. "I have your scans, Derek."

"I didn't order any scans," he frowned slightly.

"I think they're for a consult," the man hesitated for a second. "I can come back if you're busy."

"No, it's okay," assured Derek and waited for Isaac to put the images up. His eyes opened wide with the first look at the scan. They moved carefully inspecting every line and he couldn't help letting a deep sigh escape him. "It's a tumor on the spinal cord," he explained expertly. "Possibly a hemangioblastoma."

"You've seen one before?" asked Isaac quickly.

"Not this big," he shook his head, an expression of professional fascination overtaking his features. "You see how the tumor has worked its way up the spine? It's taken over the blood supply. It's a perfect tumor. Do you know if the patient still has leg function?"

"Yes."

"Incredible," Derek shook his head. "He shouldn't be walking. He should be paralyzed, dead."

"You'd have to operate quickly, then, to take the tumor out?" took up Isaac.

"Oh, I'd love to operate on this," he smiled gently eyeing the image of the tumor. "But no. No, you have to cut the cord, paralyze the patient, to kill the tumor. Who's the doctor on this one?"

"You," replied simply Isaac.

"I'm sorry," chuckled Derek turning to him.

"These are my scans," admitted Isaac. "The tumor is mine. I'd like you to take it out. I'd like you to try. One doctor said it was bad circulation. Another one, pinched nerve. But when the pain started to interfere with work, I decided to run an M.R.I. on myself."

Derek's face fell as he listened to his colleague, "Isaac, had I known this was your scan, I wouldn't have-"

"I have been to every doctor, Derek. Every time, it's the same thing. They look at the tumor and they're defeated. But not you. You were inspired. That's why I know I was right to come and work here. I needed to meet you. "

"You got a job here to meet me?" frowned Derek, torn between feeling flattered and sorry for the man in front of him.

"I have researched every neurosurgeon in this country," went on Isaac. "I know their statistics, I know who wins the most prizes, who's not afraid to take risks for their patients."

"Isaac, I know you believe I can take this tumor out, and I wish I could. But this surgery will kill you," Derek argued rationally.

"Take the scans. Look them over." Isaac was relentless. "But stop your mind before the part where it gets to "no." Think "yes."

Derek swung in his chair pensively waiting for the new set of scans to appear on the screen, hoping they would help him make the right decision. Would he really dare to reach out for something that others judged impossible? The chances were Isaac wouldn't make it through the surgery. On the other hand, it was only a matter of time before the tumor took away his life. Ah, the dilemma surgeons had to face only too often. He needed another opinion, he needed advice.

"Now, you've got your life back on track you've gone in search of some crazy ass tumor?" drawled Mark hovering behind his back and sipping on his coffee.

"I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm just looking," shrugged Derek. Mark probably wasn't the one he should seek advice from.

"The lab tech guy has a tumor?" Cristina Yang stormed into the CT room, driven by avid curiosity. "Oh, it's awesome!"

"Awesome in a bad way," frowned Callie Torres as she joined them. "It's eaten five levels of his spine. Wait, you're not seriously considering…?"

"Of course he is," shrugged Cristina giving Derek a pat on the shoulder. "He's Shepherd."

"Isaac's got a bone spur or a herniated disk, not a…" trailed off Izzie as she marched in with a worried face. She didn't have any more illusions when she glanced at the picture that was travelling from hand to hand. "He diagnosed an osteosarcoma case for me a month ago. I thought it was a shadow, but it turned out to be the tiniest little lesion on an x-ray."

"That says more about you than it does him," jabbed Mark.

"Huh, I'm sorry. Do you even know who Isaac is?" Izzie squinted at him venomously.

"No idea," he shrugged disinterestedly.

"Hey, what's everyone..." Addie peeked into the room curiously. "Oh, a spinal tumor."

"Hey, I've just heard," she was closely followed by Owen. "Isaac has an inoperable tumor?"

"It's Isaac's tumor?" she asked with concern.

Derek sighed, he almost prayed to take Isaac to the OR right then right now, to dive into the quietness of the sterile environment.

"Boo hoo," snorted Cristina. "Who says it's inoperable?"

"Hey," Derek raised his voice to silence their bickering as the image started to appear on the screen and everyone gathered close to take a look. The first scan certainly didn't lie.

"Oh, come on. It's all the way up to t-2!"

"See, this is why I got into plastics."

"Oh, that's gotta be..."

Suddenly a stern voice-imposed order once and for all, "Why aren't you all at your surgeries?"

Derek glanced gratefully at Meredith who was standing at the door with her arms crossed over her chest. "Go, get to your ORs."

One by one they left, leaving Derek and Meredith alone in the CT room.

"What's going on?" she demanded leaning on the edge of the desk and bringing her hand to caress his temple.

"Just look," he pointed at the screen, looking at her face intently. Meredith was definitely the one person whose advice he needed. One neurosurgeon to another.

"Oh, wow," she got to her feet, her eyes trained fixedly on the image. "This tumor is dangerous… Complicated and smart… Beautiful… This tumor is the reason I got into medicine in the first place. To successfully take out this tumor would be an achievement you could hang your hat on for the rest of your career…" suddenly she lapsed into silence as though hit by a realization. She looked at Derek and back at the screen. "You want to…?" she cocked her head.

He nodded with a small smile. Her reaction was all he needed to make him sure he was right in his decision. "Yeah, I want to try. The patient, it's Isaac. He's one-"

"I know who he is," she cut him off, her face serious as she frowned at the representation of the tumor.

"So," Derek looked at her expectantly. "It's a major surgery. I need your approval."

"I…" she took a deep breath and turned to face him. "I wouldn't go near it. It's a beast."

His mouth opened in surprise, but she continued before he could say anything.

"It's a malpractice suit waiting to happen, even if we could get his insurance to cover it," she shook her head.

"Did I mention he was an employee?" asked Derek wondering if her sudden reservations were purely of financial nature.

"Our pro bono budget can't cover high-risk surgeries for every employee in this hospital," she replied indifferently.

"What happened to you?" he asked quietly, standing up.

"Excuse me?"

"I thought you'd be convincing me to go with this surgery," he stated frankly. "But now you're telling me no?"

She sighed uneasily, her eyes travelling between the floor and his face. "You came to me as the chief of surgery and I said no. As for my medical opinion, it is also no."

"A minute ago you were telling me something completely different," he reminded firmly.

"There is such a thing as an inoperable tumor, Derek."

"What if it's not? What if I get in there, I open it up, I look around-"

Meredith only shook her head. "There is no way. Anything other than cutting the cord would kill this man."

"Meredith-"

"I don't know how many times you want me to say it," her regard was unyielding. "You are not operating on an inoperable tumor. I'm sorry, Derek," she finished gently. "I'll see you later, okay?"

With the last apologetic look, she walked out leaving Derek alone with his very confused thoughts. Once he made up his mind, once he was sure in his decision, Meredith of all people made him question his resolve. What now?

As he was filling in the chart of his patient, Derek kept questioning his own sanity. Did he really decided to do what he was about to do? Did he really scheduled the surgery disobeying the Chief's orders? Meredith's orders, his girlfriend's orders... Hell, their professional relationship never interfered so acutely into their private life, not since they were sworn enemies during her first days at Grace.

They just recovered from a major crisis; they were doing good, wonderful even. They lived together, they were talking about marriage and as of this morning building a house in the wilderness. Was he just about to blow it big time?

"The word on the OR floor is that you've gone rogue," said Mark lowering his voice as he propped himself against the counter.

He sighed and replied trying to sound more confident than he really was, "I'm doing a surgery I fully believe in."

"You're gonna piss the Chief off," observed Mark innocently.

Derek's pen halted on the paper. Hearing his fears spoken out loud felt terrible. "You're concerned because?" he said with annoyance.

"I don't want to pick up the pieces of you from the floor again," answered Mark, deadpanned.

"She's not going to dump me for this," argued Derek heavily. "It's professional. It has nothing to do with supposed cheating."

"It's professional cheating," Mark shrugged his shoulders. "A woman like Grey can take it harder than cheating proper."

Derek shook his head at him with pity. "We're too strong for something like this to come between us. Even if there's an argument," he conceded, "we'll talk it out. Have I told you? We're going to build a house on my forty acres."

"Well, let's hope you won't have to build a separate bedroom for yourself when she gets wind of this."

"Have you gone rogue?" asked excitedly Cristina as she appeared in the lobby with Addison, straight from a surgery the oversaw together.

"I'm doing a surgery I believe in," Derek repeated tiredly.

"Against the Chief's orders," Addie stopped beside to scowl at both him and Mark reproachfully. "She's going to freak when she finds out."

"Hey, I told him!" Mark raised his hands.

"I-" started Derek.

"Shh!" Addie silenced him. " 'Cause me, Meredith, secrets? Bad idea."

"Hey, I think it is bad ass," shrugged Cristina and walked off.

Badass… from the two of them Meredith was always the one to be described badass. Although, she clearly said she wouldn't go near this tumor. But he believed he should. He closed his chart decidedly; he was not making a mistake.

He was making a huge mistake, that thought seemed to completely overtake his mental processes. Another full hour passed, and he still didn't make a single step to attack the tumor. It was impossible, it was an inoperable tumor. He couldn't do it. He felt absolutely powerless, and the pointed looks and whispers coming to him from his team like through a fog didn't raise his morale. Where was his inspiration now? Meredith was surely on his trail by now, seeing as he disappeared for hours on end, missed lunch, didn't meet her for a quickie in her office…

He was behaving irrationally. He was tired, frustrated, confused, barking mad as he was talking to himself, oh, and apparently mean.

As he stared fixedly at his foe, the apparently inoperable tumor, he vaguely registered someone talking to him. Insistently. Irritating him even more.

"What?" he snapped, exposing his dreamy reputation to a risk. He took his eyes off the microscope and noticed it was Miranda.

She flinched slightly but said with understanding in her voice, "Okay, I'm sure it's a completely authorized surgery but you might like to know that the Chief is scheduled to do a surgery across the hall in OR 3 shortly. So, if you're planning on doing something, anything, you might want to do it soon."

He breathed out deeply fighting back his nervousness and nodded with gratitude, "Thank you, Dr. Bailey."

Where that knowledge left him? How was he supposed to act knowing Meredith was just a step from discovering his insubordination? He couldn't predict her reaction. Just like he couldn't predict any way to handle Isaac's disease.

The day sucked, grumbled Meredith inwardly as she trudged her feet to OR 3 for her procedure. Who would have thought given how well it started? She woke up in Derek's arms in his trailer and then her boyfriend unceremoniously proceeded to take her from behind, twice. Her boyfriend who was currently going M.I.A. on her. She didn't see him all day, since that awkward moment when she refused to let him operate on Isaac's super-tumor.

Was he mad at her? Possibly. She definitely would at his place. But she just couldn't let him take the risk… She shook her head. It was not in Derek's style to get moody and broody. Withhold sex yes, but not avoid confrontation. They definitely needed to sit down and talk, explain everything calmly.

She turned around the corner noticing Mark, Addison and Izzie Stevens trying to peek through a door to one of the ORs.

"This is why you don't go rogue," Mark's words reached her ears as she got closer. "Look at him. He's cracked. Could've told you this was gonna happen."

"Don't be smug. This is one of our people's lives at stake," berated him Izzie. Meredith's eyebrow arched up. One of our people's lives?

"Oh, this is so depressing," groaned Addie. "Ten hours staring into his spine and he can't figure out what to do."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. "What did you just say?"

The trio before her looked at her with wide eyes.

"What? No! I didn't… Did I?" stammered Addison.

That said it all. One wouldn't have to be a genius to figure it all out. Derek's absence and them covering his ass. She elbowed her way to the door and pushed it open brining a surgical mask across her face.

"Dr. Shepherd!"