No matter how much Celeste had wanted to spend the rest of the day with Rory, she'd promised Michel months ago to exchange shifts so Michel could go to see Elton John in New York with Frederick that evening, and knowing she needed the income and Rory was in town for more than a few days, she just needed to suck it up and keep her promise. Besides, it wasn't like Rory was in Stars Hollow just to see her. There was Lorelai, Luke and of course Lane. She was even going to see Paris, as Hartford was just a short drive away. Celeste knew that Rory simply missed the town buzz as well - how there was always something going on and this Celeste really hoped to explore together with her one of these days, as to her it was still something she couldn't quite figure out every time, despite trying. And Jess really was no help in that department - becoming in a way the next town loner. But he really didn't seem to mind.
Doula had come over to keep an eye on Evie for a few hours and with Finny around this really wasn't a lot of work, the two mostly entertaining themselves after the initial shyness had worn off. Doula hung out a lot at the firehouse these days, even if Jess wasn't around and it was kind of nice. Celeste always imagined that Rory must've been that kind of 13-year old like Doula, perfectly content to be helping out or simply entertained by another book.
Rory had just finished feeding the girls in the chief's house and Lorelai was now stepping from one foot to another holding up Emma to burp her, enjoying her time with the babies. Rory, however, was seated on the couch, her legs propped up on Celeste's old exercise ball she'd dug out, just in case, Leigh happily resting against her chest, the wrap blouse she was wearing wrapped around the 3-month-old. She still did skin-to-skin contact with her - people said it would help to connect - and perhaps it was helping a little, evening out some of the unfairness compared to Emma.
"Are you sure they're twins?" Lorelai pondered, still not quite believing how the girls could be so different in size, appetite, loudness, preferences and even appearance. While when they were born they'd had more or less similar hair and eyes - by now Emma was looking more and more like Finny who in turn looked a lot like Logan. And Leigh's originally greyish brown eyes were beginning to get that blueness that Rory had along with the slightly more light brown shade in her hair, though nowhere as dark Rory's.
"Yes, mom," Rory muttered. Sure she knew Lorelai wasn't dead serious but this seemed to be a running joke with the girls - every time she went to the doctor's with the girls there'd at least be one person pointing out how different the girls were and frankly she was just sick of it.
"Because I read about this woman who conceived like a few weeks apart and ended up having two babies with different due dates - siblings, not twins," Lorelai explained.
"I think the numerous doctors that looked at me during those 35 weeks would have pointed it out if that was the case," Rory replied.
"Hey, Leigh - don't go to sleep - not yet," Rory said worriedly as she glanced down at Leigh. While sleep was almost always welcomed - it was not welcomed when it threatened to put the girls in different sleep schedules.
"Who wouldn't want to fall asleep on mommy's chest," Lorelai cooed to Emma, who was entertained by Lorelai's earrings.
Rory stood up, and nudged Leigh's cheek, hoping she'd just dozed off for a moment, letting her wrap shirt fall open. She usually wore just a nursing bra underneath and by now she really was quite used to a broad audience seeing her in her bra or less - with doctors, nurses, nannies, friends and family - she no longer cared. She wasn't too proud of her slightly squishy and loose belly skin that along with some remainder of the babyfat made her look like she was a couple of months pregnant. Lorelai hadn't really seen her like that before, just while she nursed, but when she stood up, like now, it showed quite clearly. It was unusual for Lorelai to be tongue tied - was she supposed to notice? Sympathize? Assure that time would make her look as good as new? If not - money would?
"I don't want them to have different schedules," Rory explained with a deep sigh, still stuck on Lorelai's last phrase. She was sure she'd explained it to her mother before, but she knew well enough that her mother's mind tended to wander - especially when there were cute babies in the room.
"But they're not both dependent on you, you could just let them have this night - you don't really need to get up every night to feed both of them," Lorelai tried to rationalize.
"Technically - no, but I don't want to treat them differently, they both deserve equal time…," she began to reply, realizing she needed to turn that sentence around. "I want to have equal time with them," she added.
"Sure, but it's not like one night would make a big difference. You could get a little more rest," Lorelai explained.
Rory could tell she was essentially meaning well, trying to help, but Lorelai really was rather grasping at straws than trusting something they'd perfected in the last three months and what every person who had actually had twins before had sworn by. And while in theory one night wasn't huge - it felt huge to her.
"Well, if they're on their schedule I get just the same amount of rest, the only extra time this takes for me is changing another diaper or pushing a button at the machine," Rory huffed, getting a little agitated. Besides, she had the help to push that button for her on most nights. Her tone, however, definitely woke Leigh, who let out a little whimper.
"Sorry," Lorelai replied a little childishly.
"No, I'm sorry - I know you mean well, but just trust me that this schedule thing is for the greater good," Rory said, calming her voice, positioning Leigh the other way around, her back to her, hoping that perhaps seeing Emma would cheer her up like it usually did. The twin bond was magical.
"I just thought that now that you're here, maybe you'd like a chance to get, say, 6 hours of sleep one night. And I know Emma is fussy about the bottle, but sometimes when babies are not given the option of the breast they just relent. When you are around you'll likely have a much harder time hearing her cry. Here, with this two houses thing - you could sleep in there, and we could team up and get you the freedom to skip the occasional feed," Lorelai explained, gesturing towards the main house.
"Huh, I hadn't thought of it like that," Rory realized.
"You could have a glass of wine, sleep, just relax - I do remember how valuable 6 hours of sleep can be. One baby or more - it's still 6 hours," she reminded her.
"I'll think about it," she replied, feeling a tad disappointed in herself for having dismissed that idea so fast. Perhaps she was on to something. "Thanks," she added with a weak smile. She wasn't quite sure if she should though - just thinking of the bonding aspect she was still struggling with Leigh. Getting Finny to take the bottle had given her the freedom to continue her studies, and in a way it had been amazingly liberating. But now - she was pretty sure that once she got a taste of the freedom she might just crave for more - diminishing the likelihood of perhaps ever bonding with Leigh the way that she wanted. It was a fragile balance of guilt for their differences which she could in no way influence of course, wanting to be a good mother while still not forgetting that she had a purpose outside of the nursery. Right now the latter still seemed like months, if not years, away.
It was the following day as Rory finally gathered up her courage to take her kids for a walk around town. It was so much more than just a walk to the nearest playground and she knew it, preparing herself for both practically and mentally potential disasters when it came to the babies and a lot of questions. Thankfully, the weather was nice and sunny - perfect for a stroll.
G had decided to explore the town on her own and Evie was in daycare that day, hence there was one less toddler to worry about, and Celeste came along just for the fun of it.
The town was full of pumpkins and zucchinis, in various shapes, colors and sizes, with the approaching Autumn festival. This town never failed to impress when it came to town events, they both had to admit that at least that was one thing Taylor, however annoying, actually did a pretty good job on.
"Incoming," Rory inhaled, holding her breath for a moment. She'd both wanted this and dreaded at the same time, she wasn't even sure why - the communication that the town offered. It was well-meaning, yet coming from a fairly anonymous New York, the only person she really talked to in their neighbourhood being Hugo and his wife, this took some getting used to all over again.
Rory pulled down the stroller canopy on the upmost bassinet, not wanting people to at least start touching the babies that had just dozed off. Finny held onto Celeste's hand and was skipping rather than walking, which Celeste was quite used to with Evie.
"Rory, honey!" Babette approached with Morey, carrying a basket of vegetables, clearly having been doing their shopping.
"Babette, Morey, hi," Rory replied, hugging them both.
"Lorelai mentioned you were in town," Babette explained. "How long are you here for?" she asked. "Did you bring that gorgeous husband of yours," she added, shamelessly.
"A couple of weeks," Rory replied. "And no, it's just us this time," she said, gesturing at the party of three kids around with her glance.
"Aw… they all look adorable," Babette sighed, pinching Finny's cheeck with endearment, attempting to peek into the bassinets but barely got a glimpse through the mesh canopy extension.
"But Rory, honey - everything is still alright with you and that hubby of your's? Just know that you're always welcome back here, we all know how this is your safe haven," Babette whispered to her, but still loud enough so Celeste could hear.
"Oh, no, Babette - Logan is just in Europe right now, on business. With Jess out of town we just thought it'd be a good time to catch up with my friends," Rory explained.
"Just never forget it, doll," Babette added.
"I won't. Thanks," Rory replied smilingly, realizing that with her it was almost always easier to just accept what she was saying than argue about how unnecessary that was.
"And Jess? He's out of town too?" Babette continued, her nose slightly squinting as if that was problematic somehow.
"Yeah, he's on his book tour - he'll be back for Thanksgiving," Celeste replied.
"But that's almost a month away, those men should know better than to leave gorgeous women like yourselves alone for such a long time - if you know what I mean," Babette continued.
The two had a hunch, but considered it wiser not to inquire further.
"We'll be fine, Babette," Rory smiled.
"See you around!" the Babette and Morey said almost in unison and trailed off in the opposite direction.
They walked past the school and headed towards Kim's antiques, Rory hoping to say a quick 'hi' to Lane in passing. However before they reached it, it was Celeste's quick thinking that let go of Finny's hand for a split second and grabbed a hold of Petal's collar, as she rushed past her. Petal looked a lot less like the cut piglet she had been three years ago, but she was still small, just fatter and slightly wrinkly around her face.
"Kirk, you really need to look after her better, this is the second time this week," Celeste scolded the approaching man.
"I'm sorry, I swear she's so smart she's learned how to unhook her leash," Kirk apologize. "Oh, hi Rory! Long time, no see," he added, awkwardly.
"Hi, Kirk," Rory replied, having positioned Finny on the buggy board by now.
"You really should try some type of dog harness on her, like a no-pull harness or a back-clip - maybe that'd work better, and she'd also be easier to spot and catch if she does get loose," Celeste advised.
"Hmm.. maybe you're right," Kirk commented, and headed off continuing to scold Petal for running off like that.
"Since when do you know so much about dog harnesses?" Rory asked with curiosity, somehow this topic having never come up.
"Oh," Celeste reacted. "My dad had two bull terriers and three beagles, he used to hunt with the beagles," she explained.
"Oh wow, I can't believe I didn't know that," Rory commented. The image she had of Celeste growing up had been pieced together by a series of hints from her and Jess, who clearly knew a lot more. But still, she could really picture it - a 16th arrondissement classical house with well-pampered dogs, maids and nannies.
"It's not like I talk about my family much," Celeste replied with a shrug.
Rory rubbed her shoulder assuringly, across her back, wondering if that whole thing still bothered her. But as they reached Kim's Antiques the next moment, with Lane already bouncing out of the front door at the sight of them, despite having had customers at the same time, Rory left the topic at that for now.
The two jumped around like teenagers for a second, that was what their relationship was - it still lingered in those early years - while with Celeste, it was something more mature. But on their own - they were both valuable to her. Rory really didn't have that much in common with Lane these days - okay, fine - they both had twins, liked a lot of the same music and neither of their lives had quite turned out as they planned, but on a day-to-day level they no longer really connected, Rory in a way feeling like she needed to hide her wealth and downplay her lifestyle so it wouldn't feel like rubbing it in.
Mrs. Kim had passed due to breast cancer roughly a year ago unfortunately, but that had left Lane with the chance to take over her mom's store. Which of course had undergone a bit of an alternation. Sure, it still carried antiques - this was what Lane had grown up with and could do in her sleep, but on the side she and the other members of her band used the space to give music lessons to kids, which formed a decent share of their income.
"Oh my god, I can't believe how big this little guy is," Lane crouched down in front of Finny.
"Tell me about it, he's always hungry and I swear I keep buying him larger clothes like every month," Rory exaggerated a little.
"Listen, I kind of have to get back, those two in there were just about to buy a whole dining room set, but I'll see you later, okay?" Land added, hurring off inside after another hug. That was one of the benefits of being the only furniture store in town - if people wanted to save on delivery it was the place to get it from and people tolerated a lot of less-than-idea customer service from the place, and having Lane there, compared to her mom, was a significant improvement on its own already.
"So, what's the town scoop," Rory added, as they continued down the street towards the shops, nodding in passing to a few other people that either of them knew. It was interesting for Rory to observe how Celeste had blended in, knowing people even she didn't know. Celeste hung out with Sarah, Heidi and Lela for example, out of whom Rory only really knew a little more about Heidi. Sure she knew them by face and name, but they weren't really even 'hello' acquaintances. And overall Celeste's circle of aquaintances was more of that of Lorelai's as she had been the one to help her immerse into the town life by getting her involved with the Inn and also many of the town events.
"Mrs. Patty is thinking about retiring, she's having a series of interviews for who might take over next week, and it's not looking too good," Celeste said.
"That doesn't sound good," Rory commented. She really couldn't imagine Stars Hollow without the functioning dance studio.
"I mean they'll probably still be able to use the space but I have to admit, the dance practices and the music does liven the place up," Celeste admitted. "If there's no one, the school might perhaps use it for their drama classes or something," she recalled someone suggesting that at the last town meeting. She went to every single one of them, unless of course she was working, while Jess never did. She liked to know what was going on and at the same time learning little by little how the place functioned. While they hadn't had much trouble from Taylor concerning the parking spots out front, Lorelai had helped her convince him by reminding him about the time he wanted the no-parking zone lifted from the front of Doosey's, but with actually getting the business going, she had a fairly good idea, that their potential clashes were not over. Essentially she was doing homework.
"What about Lulu? I swear, when I was over her last time and showing, she kind of seemed like she was ready to, you know…," Rory asked, indulging herself momentarily in the type of gossip that was hardly her thing. But having been away for as long as she had, she kind of missed knowing these things.
"I think she might be… but if she is, I don't think that guy knows it yet," Celeste replied, gesturing with her thumb towards Kirk who was once again chasing the pig around by the gazebo.
"Well, that's going to be interesting," Rory noted, with a chuckle.
"Andrew...," she began to whisper just as they passed the bookstore, "has been a little surly or… I don't know. He tries to act like he's okay with the store but I can tell he's a little bitter because of it. I just wish he would see that we have like zero stock overlap. Doula checked even," Celeste explained.
"Using child labor and espionage!?" Rory scolded playfully.
"Only essentially in his benefit - this way we didn't order the two books that actually would've overlapped. I just wished he saw it," Celeste added.
"Well as far as I remember Andrew used to blame Jess for being a bad influence on his son's class, so maybe he's just inclined that way. I'm sure once you open, things will ease up if he sees there's no real drop in business," Rory discussed.
"We'll see," she replied. Celeste knew that there still might be some level of competiton, just by mere novely or people deciding to take their Christmas shopping to them instead.
"When are you opening anyways?" Rory asked. She'd briefly glance around Apparatus Bay last night, but hadn't gone too much into detail with the actual selection or asked too much about it.
"If things go according to plan - December 6th," she replied. They hadn't announced it yet, just sort of kept it in their minds like a potential date. They would've been stupid not to do it before Christmas though.
It was funny how every time Rory reached Luke's her stomach would grumble, as indicating the correct location and time to fuel up.
"Luke should really get some sort of a stroller or handicap friendly access to this place," Rory sighed, realizing that actually going into Luke's was a little bit more tricky. With Finny, one would just carry the kid in, but with three - even if there were two adults, the chances of one of the girls waking in the attempt wasn't worth the trouble.
"Just go in and order, we'll go sit on the bench or something," Celeste suggested.
"Right. Finny, can you wait out here with Celeste? I'll go get you a muffin," she said, getting a cheerful smile in return.
Before Rory really had time to return, however, Luke and another waiter that worked for him were already carrying one of the smaller tables out to the street along with three chairs and positioned it under one of the windows.
"Here you go, stroller access enabled," Luke said, gallantly.
"Thank you, Luke," Celeste replied, positioning Finny into one of the chairs while she parked the stroller so it wouldn't get in the way. It was quite warm for early November, and the idea wasn't bad at all - perfect for people watching in fact.
Rory emerged from the diner empty handed, slightly baffled of what had just happened. The Luke she knew, was fairly reluctant to alter anything about this diner, et alone be creative with the table placement. But apparently... there were exceptions.
"I'll go get you your muffins. Celeste, you want anything?" Luke asked.
Everybody else had already gone to sleep, but G was curled up on the large flaxen colored U-shaped couch in Celeste's living room, just off the study that was her bedroom temporarily, having picked up one of the books Celeste had recommended to her from her personal collection, the internet speed being not quite up to her streaming standards. But it was fine, she hadn't complained or made a big deal of it, instead asked if she could read something - the place clearly being packed with books on all three floors. It was late, dark, but she'd lit just the lonely arching floor lamp that was creating a fairly interesting setting with the sage colored curtains against the red brick wall - she'd even photographed it. The place was definitely cool compared to the conventional residential homes.
The book was pretty good - Shirley Jackson's 'We Have Always Lived in the Castle', but every once in a while her mind still wandered, glancing down at her phone, hoping to hear back at least something from Finn. Other than one other week when Finn had been in Europe at the end of summer, there really hadn't been silence between them for this long. And she couldn't help but to feel a slight panic. Had she ruined it by asking for his attention like that - not in passing, but quite directly? What if something was wrong? What if she'd been too intense? What if he was bored with her?
She made it through another half a chapter, until she just couldn't.
She could see Finn had read her message that same morning that she'd sent it.
"Please," G typed, pressing send before she had a chance to reconsider. Now she was just making a fool of herself. Begging.
"It doesn't have to be in person," she added. Feeling like perhaps that could've been one of the reasons he hadn't replied. She must've sounded desperate enough now.
Still no reply. She then saw him read the message. She held her breath. But as there was no typing that followed, her mind went through a whirlwind of emotions - blame, anger, regret - all aimed at herself.
"Did I do something wrong?" another message arrived on Finn's phone.
Now that stung, making it impossible for him not to react. He was probably doing the right thing by ghosting her, interacting with her in the opposite way that he wanted to. But it really wasn't her fault. He was the one who should've known better, and earlier. And the last thing she needed was to blame herself for any of it.
"Facetime?" he texted back, with a deep sigh. He needed to explain - at least in part, apologize, and he needed to allow her to say what she needed to say. And typing it, just didn't seem enough.
"Ok," was a swift reply in return, feeling a little relieved, having at least gotten his attention. She headed to the study, closing the door behind her for privacy, despite Celeste having gone to bed already.
Finn headed to his roof deck, somehow feeling like the coolness of the fall made him more alert, he needed to be awake - conscious of what he said. He needed all of his strength now.
He attempted to put on his best face, not show how awful he felt inside.
"Hey!" Finn greeted, almost sounding too cheerful, having overdone it a little by trying to bury his own emotions.
"Hey," she replied, suddenly feeling very nervous again. She almost just wanted to forget about what she had meant to talk about and simply ask how his day had been or talk about hers. It would've been so easy to fall into that pattern.
"You okay?" he asked, stopping himself from adding a term of endearment in the end that would've felt so natural when talking to her. For a moment he felt guilty for delaying his response - what if she actually had needed him?
She sighed, audibly.
"I'm sorry that I didn't write you back, I just...," Finn began to explain, but he really didn't have a good explanation except his cowardice.
She could see it in his face that he was troubled - maybe he had sensed it? Maybe something else was wrong?
"I…," she began, feeling like the words were stuck. "I needed to talk to you…," she added, not quite believing that the entire time she'd waited for him to contact her she hadn't even tried to think out how she was going to phrase what she needed to say. "I don't know if it's something that's even news to you - or maybe it's just all in my head," G spoke, everything she said coming to Finn as words he both wanted to hear and didn't.
"I can't stop thinking about you," she exhaled, bursting into tears. "And I know… it's so messed up. I'm so sorry. I just can't help it," she whimpered.
Finn was amazed by G's bravery, she was braver than he was - for sure. He couldn't stand seeing her in tears like that, feeling it in his chest. But at the same time he knew that it was good that he wasn't in the same room with her - because if he was - he would've just held her and that alone would have meant more than it should.
"And I don't even know what I aimed to achieve by saying this - I guess.. I just felt I couldn't do this anymore - go on pretending that I don't feel anything, to downplay how much talking to you means to me," G exhaled, wiping her cheek. It did feel easier just to have put it out there, but she knew there was no easy when it came to this.
She just observed Finn - she needed him to say something. Some slight part of her hoped there was an outcome in this that wouldn't mean hearache, but that really was just an illusion. But what she saw was a man clearly uncomfortable, his palm running over his forehead, cheeks and mouth, as if wanting to hide. His eyes were so sad.
Finn honestly just wanted to cry right there. The battle that went on inside him - was one he'd never experienced before. He could've, part of him wanted to - desperately, just admit that he too felt it, but the moment he would've said it he knew it would've turned him into that monster. That grown man that took advantage of girls like her - at least that would've been the portrayal of him. He would've been the man her parents would hate, that her sister and brother-in-law, his best friend, would hate, and he wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't despise himself as well. Maybe there was some glimpse of the Yale introductory course on ethics that had stuck after all. No matter what they felt - the timing wasn't on their side and adimtting to anything wouldn't have changed that.
"I guess I did know that. And I'm sorry," Finn said, putting out his best poker face - slightly less emotional than what he felt, colder. "I'm sorry that I didn't nip this in the bud. You're a good friend and I didn't want to hurt you," he added, swallowing everything else that he would've wanted to express.
"I'm sorry too. This is so embarrassing…," she sniffled, wanting to hide her eyes. He had warned her in the beginning that he came off overly friendly, maybe she just should've known better. She should've known a grown man could never think about her like that. "I better go...," she added, feeling like she just wanted to burrow into a hole and hide. She didn't even wait for his reply, simply disconnecting the call.
She was in it for a night of sobbing, feeling sorry for herself. In a way she did feel better - the tension was off, there was no chance - however impossible it had been to begin with. It was all her and maybe with knowing that she could indeed move on. Someday.
Finn, on the other hand, did the only thing he knew - opening up that bottle Macallan on his home bar cabinet, he hadn't touched in weeks.
AN: So what do you think? Did Finn do the right thing? Or did he come off as a complete jerk here? I have a few ideas in store for that storyline... but a that will take a bit of a back seat for a while.