Chapter 81
Finn's birthday came and went - the house decorated by Lily with yards of paper chains which stayed past the event - and the day of Rosie's results arrived not too far behind it.
"You nervous?" he asked her when she appeared back down after breakfast wearing her day dress from London and appearing to have actually put some make up on her face.
She shrugged and bit her lip, thinking for a minute before saying, "I don't know how to say this without sounding arrogant…" and trailing off into silence.
"Sweetheart, you're the least arrogant person I've ever met - now, what are you trying to say?" he replied, almost tempted to go smack her for her nonsense.
"Well - I'm not nervous about the results, I felt like I did alright on the day for the most part. But sometimes they have people there on results day - you know, from different factories and things, potential employers - and I just, I want to make a good impression if anyone from the council is there. I'm wondering if maybe punching Becker on the exam day was a bit of a mistake - if he kicks off today…"
She was twisting her hands and chewing her lip and her vulnerability, so rarely shown, hit him square in the chest, where something in him rose up, desperate to protect her.
"He won't," he told her, his voice coarse and sharp.
"Tommy - you haven't blinded him have you? I asked you not to!"
"No, I haven't bloody blinded him," he replied, rolling his eyes.
He had sent a few junior Peaky boys to rough the lad up a little - but Becker had been left wholly intact, just bruised and bloodied.
"Then what do you mean he won't kick off? You can't guarantee that, Tommy, and if he makes a show of me in front of the council…" she trailed off again, shaking her head in what seemed to almost be verging on to despair.
"I can guarantee it," he replied, nonchalantly, lighting a cigarette and inhaling.
She raised an eyebrow in question and he exhaled before explaining, "I'm going with you to collect the results. He'll keep his mouth shut whilst I'm there."
"Don't you have work?"
"Joys of being the boss, isn't it? Setting your own hours and having people to run the business for you?"
"I suppose that's fair."
"When are we going then?"
"Anytime after ten o'clock."
It was just gone nine and the school was only fifteen minutes away.
"Are you going to settle anytime before ten o'clock?"
"Probably not."
"Come on then," he said, stabbing his cigarette out and going to her, threading an arm around her waist.
"Come on where?"
"We'll go for a walk, keep you distracted until it's time to go. Same as you've been keeping Katie and Lily occupied for the last few weeks, keeping them out of trouble, don't you think I didn't notice your sudden daily activity plan."
"Well better daily activities than then wandering down The Cut."
"Ah you gotta let them play their own way Rosie, they need to be able to keep themselves away from The Cut or they're not learning anything - no point in you keeping them so busy they don't get the opportunity to go and choose not to, eh? That was your advice about Ada - she needed to be given the opportunity to make the decisions if I wanted her to make the right one, wasn't it?"
"Well yes," she grumbled, slightly put out, "But they're a lot younger than Ada."
He steered her out the front door, pulling it closed behind them, "Plus, once you get these results today, you'll be back working and they'll just need to be able to amuse themselves. Surprisingly good at that, kids."
"It's whether they can amuse themselves safely or not."
He snorted in response.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
He stood outside the school, smoking a cigarette and eyeing up everyone who turned up after her. Which was plenty of people given they'd been outside the school building at ten to ten and she'd been the first one through the doors.
He noticed Peter Long arriving, accompanied by, he presumed, his father - a man who carried the look of being just slightly upper working class and very much proud of himself for the rise, casting superior looks around at anyone else who was there, as if he was somehow above them all despite them all being in the same place at the same time for the same reason.
A few boys he thought he recognised from Ada's birthday appeared and reappeared, and Peter and his father were soon coming back out the main entrance, the man's chest puffed up, seemingly pleased with whatever Peter's results were.
Another round of teenagers, another cigarette later and Rosie's vibrant copper head still hadn't come back out the doors he had seen her walk through. He knew she'd been hoping someone from the council would be there and he presumed her extended stint inside was to do with her talking to them, but everyone else seemed to have come and gone quickly enough.
He shifted, lit another cigarette and decided he'd give her till the end of it to reappear, otherwise he was going in. They'd agreed he would wait outside mainly in case anyone they didn't need seeing them together was there to represent the police - apparently they were also ones who usually sent representatives to invite kids who got certain marks to come have a look at the station and have a chat with the likes of Campbell, to see if they fancied police work. But the decision was also made so that none of the teachers saw her with him and asked any awkward questions. He was of the opinion that none of the teachers from the secondary school would care about who a girl who had finished and left school happened to be stepping out with - but she was insistent that somehow they might draw attention and that that somehow would trickle down the education system to bringing attention to Lily, and alerting the council to the fact that their mother was long gone. But he'd damn their reasons and be going in if she didn't reappear - just in case something had happened, in case that Becker kid, who he hadn't seen, had somehow made something difficult for her.
His worries came to nothing though, as they so often did - as if she knew of his intentions to burst through the doors, rifle in hand and demanding to know what had happened to her by the time his cigarette was done, she appeared out to see him chucking the butt onto the pavement.
"Well?" he asked expectantly.
"I did alright."
"What took you so long?"
"I eh - well - they were giving me this," she said, holding up a small bronze plaque mounted on some dark wood, "And the head wanted to talk to me and then the teachers wanted to talk to me and then some people from the factories and stuff wanted to talk to me and it just went on a bit…"
"Everyone else has been in and out in half the time it took you," he replied, rolling his eyes, "And what's that?" he asked - indicating the plaque.
"I eh…" she blushed bright red, her face blending with her hair, and stuttered, "I got the best results in the district, so they gave me this."
He swiped it off her to get a better look, raising an eyebrow and saying sarcastically, "Did alright, eh?"
'Rosalie Jackson. 1st in Birmingham 1921. Small Heath Upper School.'
"This you officially the smartest girl in Birmingham then?"
She nodded, still bright red, a discomfort with the title radiating off her, stumbling over her words as she told him, "Usually it goes to someone from a fee paying school - or at least, well, I don't know but no one's ever got it from Small Heath before. There was someone from the city council there and everything."
"I could have told them you'd get this," he said, smiling at her, trying to diffuse her tension and discomfort, "Come here."
He drew her to him, kissing her head as he pulled her tightly.
"Proud of you sweetheart," he murmured into her ear.
He held her for a minute then released her, letting her draw back from him. She looked vaguely like she might be about to cry, though he wasn't sure why.
"So," he asked, making his tone as jovial as he could, "This all you get? No grand cash prize or anything?"
"I got a book token!" she replied, suddenly bright, holding up the stack of papers, amongst which he presumed was the bloody token, "I can get any book I want at the book shop in town!"
He laughed at her sudden earnestness, "I reckon I'd have preferred a lump sum of cash if it was me, but I can see you're happy enough with a book."
She gave a small laugh of acknowledgement, "I know. But yes, I am happy with a book. Plus the woman from the city council told me to go make an appointment with a man called William Arterton, he heads up the social care division. She said if I want to get involved with helping abandoned kids or women who are in dangerous situations he's the one I should speak to. I mean, I think she thought I was absolutely mad when I said that was what I wanted to do - gave me a look like I'd said I wanted to dance naked around the city centre and get paid for it - kept trying to get me interested in becoming a nurse."
"I'll pay you to dance naked around my room but I'd have to take the eyes of anyone who saw you doing it in town."
"I don't know if that would bother me so much - I'd have most likely died by frostbite by Christmas."
"So - social care's the way forward for you then?"
"I mean," she bit her lip, suddenly not smiling, "Obviously I'll still do the ledgers for you and if you need me to do anything for you I'll make sure to get it done but…"
"My love, I know you want to do something that makes a difference. I'm not saying I wouldn't rest easier if I could absorb you into my business and then I'd be able to keep an eye on you and know where you are at all times, but I want you to be happy first and foremost."
She slid her hand into his and squeezed, "Thank you Tommy."
She took the plaque back, tucking it under her arm along with the papers and they took off, meandering slowly in the direction of the house - going the long way so as to avoid potentially being seen by Grace.
"When are you going to go see your man?" he asked, lighting another cigarette.
"Well I need to make an appointment with his secretary so I suppose I need to go see them first of all and then I'll get told when I can see Mr Arterton."
"And when do you plan to go see this secretary then?"
"I don't know - I suppose I could go this afternoon."
Something in her tone indicated she wasn't entirely keen on the idea.
"Why don't you give it a day, let it sink in and then you can make sure you want to go for social care - and not nursing or whatever the people from the factories wanted you for."
"Payroll, clerks, secretary roles, assistants to various men. Nothing of interest."
"Does no harm to think it over."
"I don't need to think it over, I know what I want to do."
"You don't sound sure."
"No, I'm sure," she replied, "It's just…"
He inhaled and exhaled, waiting for her to go and prompting her when she didn't, "It's just what?"
She sighed and took a sideways glance at him, "Promise you won't laugh at me?"
He raised an eyebrow but nodded, wondering what in hell she thought he'd laugh at her for.
"I know what I want to do - I know that I want to do something that helps women and children from normal, working class backgrounds. I know that. I want to be able to think I've done something that's made life better for women in this world in a real, practical, tangible way. But the last few months, since finishing school and now - taking the summer to wait for these results, Tommy - it's been nice. I like thinking I'm helping you by taking care of the house and the food and I've enjoyed being around the house every day and seeing you every day."
"I've enjoyed it too," he told her, his voice soft.
Because it was true, he had enjoyed it. He'd miss their daily chats when she brought him in a mid morning snack, or when he stopped to take lunch or when he just managed to find reasons to wander up into the kitchen.
"I know if I made that my life it would, over time, stop being so enjoyable. I reckon the thrill would go and, well, I think I'd end up resenting it to be honest. And you pay me well, Tommy, and I don't mean to sound ungrateful at all, but I like the idea of making my own money and having that independence from you. I get so much from you Tommy, and I don't like the idea that my financial stability comes from you when I'm perfectly capable of making money elsewhere."
"I get a lot from you too, you know that."
"I know, but it's important to me that we're equal Tommy. That time, when I'd found out about Ada and I went to see her - Tommy, it destroyed me, to think I'd lost myself completely because I was so overwhelmed by you. By the fact you picked me. I just think it's better if some element of my existence isn't fed by you - does that make sense?"
He sighed, trying to decide how to answer. It did make sense. But only in the way that he was sure she'd overthought it and Ada had managed to make it worm into her, like a rotten little maggot in her brain.
"It makes sense when you put it like that, from your perspective. And I still don't really know what was said between you and Ada, but I reckon she lashed out and said what she didn't really mean because she was, well, she is in the situation she's in," he took a deep inhale and exhale on his smoke, then clicked his tongue, trying to think how to phrase what to say before he continued, "I'm not going to stand in your way of you going and getting a job that will make you happy and make you feel like you're achieving what you want to - I told you that. That's the whole reason we're going as slowly as we are, you know, because I won't risk getting you pregnant when I know you have these things you want to do.
'But I also need you to know that I see you as my equal. I'm a fair man, you get paid a fair wage for what you do for the business. And as a fair man, it makes sense to me that the work you do in the house more than makes up for me providing the money for food and whatever other necessities come up. I want to provide for you, you know. It pleases me to take care of you. You say you got overwhelmed by the fact I picked you. You picked me too, remember - you told me that yourself, when we came back from London? You picked me as much as I picked you and it pleases me to think I'm the one you picked to be allowed to take care of you and Lily."
They wandered on in silence for a while as she digested his words before she replied, "I like when I feel taken care of by you Tommy. You know I do. I like that I answer to you, I've told you that. But I feel guilty about how it makes me feel. I feel guilty for enjoying knowing that you can take the burden of decisions and responsibility off of me at times. Because women are fighting to be allowed that burden politically, and here I am shirking it off and enjoying it."
"You're not shirking it off," he snapped, "You make most of your own decisions and carry all the responsibility of the house, it's just that you know the outcome of what'll happen if I don't agree with your decisions."
Overthinking indeed.
"But you need to see this from my point of view Tommy - if this all fell apart tomorrow, you might be left with needing Polly to step back in and run your house. I'd be left with no income and Lily to provide for."
"Do you think it's going to fall apart tomorrow?"
"No. I don't think it's going to fall apart and I don't ever want it to," she said, shaking her head and sighing, "But I have no legal rights to anything from you Tommy - and I have to think of Lily. The money from the horse idea that you gave me-"
"That you earned," he corrected her brusquely, not enjoying the turn the conversation had taken in the slightest.
"It bought the house, so I know I'll always be able to put a roof over our heads. But the rest of it I want to use to send Lily to a better school, once I've got a legal right to her and they won't be able to take her off me if I go to enrol her and they realise I'm not her mother. I don't want to have to use it for food or, well, general necessities. I want to be earning my own money to cover those things should the need arise."
"Why do you want to send her to one of those schools anyway? You got better results than anyone at those schools in Birmingham?"
"I liked the work though. She doesn't. And there's too many kids to not enough teachers in the state education system. And, well, I've told you before - I think it's my fault, how non verbal and shy she is when she's in wider company, my fault for emphasising how much she wasn't to tell people. But I think - I hope - maybe a smaller class and a teacher who is being paid to give all the kids extra attention with their issues - it could help her."
He squeezed her hand, his annoyance gone as he listened to her confide her fears to him, "I think you worry too much."
She gave him a small smile and he stopped to squeeze her tightly again, "Alright. You want your own money and you want a job that fulfills you. Fair enough, my love. Just don't be thinking that this is going to fall apart, eh? And if it ever did, I'll provide for you and Lily - if you ever decide you're done with me, I'll still see it as my job to take care of you both, alright?"
"I don't ever reckon I'll decide I'm done with you Mr Shelby."
"That right, Mrs Shelby?" he asked, bending to kiss her properly on the mouth, since the street was quiet, "What do you say then, eh? A few more days of playing house and then first thing Monday morning you can go see this secretary?"
"I think I'd like that."
Re my AN on the last chapter, I'm presuming since I still haven't heard anything that I'm not being blocked from posting on this site, though I have no idea what the usual time frame would be on these things. If I do get blocked, once again I am on tumblr at findinghisredrighthand dot tumblr dot com and I cross post to AO3. I haven't used Wattpad before but I'm not against it so we'll see what happens. At the moment my intention is to keep posting here and to AO3 because I don't really want to bring another platform into it that I have to bring up to date with what's been posted here already (because, as I keep saying, this has become an epic saga that I really never envisioned it becoming!) but if I get blocked from here then I might also go to Wattpad. If I get blocked, the place I'll link to my other locations is on Tumblr so that'll be where to check if I suddenly disappear!
Regardless of what happens, thank you as always for reading along and for reviewing - it really does make my day!