Chapter 81 - On The Edge

It wasn't quite dark yet by the time Pete stepped out on the rooftop. Maybe he should have waited a little longer, maybe he should have waited for the cover of the night, but he just couldn't bring himself to sit still for another minute.

Ever since Pete had left the courthouse, there had been a low frequency buzzing right underneath his skin that was driving him up the walls. He just couldn't ignore it. His limbs kept twitching, his hands shaking, and his mind... His mind just wouldn't stop turning. From Mr. Stark to Ben. From Ben to May. From May to fucking Clarke and back to Mr. Stark. And then it would start all over again.

Or it had, until their fight. His fight with Mr. Stark had been bad. Pete couldn't feel his body by the time he had stormed back into his room and slammed the door shut. His back pressed against it, he slowly slid down along its surface until he came to sit on the ground. He just couldn't deal with it anymore. Any of it. How was he ever even supposed to be able to look at May again? Things had been so bad before. Worse than Pete could have ever imagined, but now...

His knees pulled up to his chest, Pete had buried his face in the fabric of his pants, arms clasping his legs tightly. He had sat there for a while, not sure for how long. He had just sat there, lost, so completely out of options. The room behind him had been quiet except for Mr. Stark's pacing, his low curses, mumbling to himself like Pete couldn't hear him through the door.

Once the door to Mr. Stark and Pepper's bedroom clicked shut, Pete tried to focus. He couldn't have everyone make decisions for him anymore, couldn't have them control him, never giving him the option to think and decide for himself.

His legs were still shaking as he got back to his feet. One thing was clear, Mr. Stark surely locked him in once again. He shouldn't even have said anything, should have just left. Checking with FRIDAY would be a bad idea, just in case that might trigger an alarm or something. No, once he had heard the door to Mr. Stark's bedroom close he waited, basking in the silence until his eyes flickered up to the ceiling.

"Hey FRIDAY? I'm kinda hungry." His heart was beating in his throat, hoping this would work. "Can you ask Pepper if it's... if it's okay for me to get some food from the common room kitchen?"

"Yes, Pete, I can ask her right away."

There was another moment of silence that Pete spent focussing on any noise that might echo from outside his room but the quarters remained silent.

"Miss Potts confirmed that you are of course welcome to eat as much food whenever you like. She offered to order something for you or-"

"That's fine," Pete hastily pressed out. "I just want something small. Something from the fridge. Tell her..." He pressed his eyes shut. "Tell her not to worry."

He would be fine. It would just be better this way. They wouldn't need to worry about him anymore and he could go back to who he truly was, back to helping people and feel useful. It was a win-win for everyone.

There wasn't much that he took with him. His phone would have been good to sell but Mr. Stark would likely track it before Pete even had the chance to. He packed some clothes, the rest of his Poker money, and the two screwdrivers he had brought to the courthouse. He would have to build new web-shooters but that was okay. He'd done that before.

It was how Pete found himself on the Compound's rooftop, backpack flung over his shoulder looking out over the grounds that led towards the river. The riverbank might be the most promising escape route. Maybe it was the adrenaline buzzing through his veins. Maybe it was the numbness that he had felt ever since he and Pepper had made it out of that courtroom, but it had made Pete sloppy.

"And where do you think you're going, little spider?"

Pete froze, knuckles white as he clutched the edge of the building. He knew that voice but a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed it. Hawkeye. To Pete's surprise, he was not lying in wait like he would expect a spy to do. Legs spread wide, he was lounging in a camping chair, a beer in one hand, the elbow of his other arm on the rest, his head leaning on his other hand. The lazy smirk on his lips at least didn't strike Pete as outright threatening, but it was still Barton.

"Wow," Pete pressed out. "Mr. Stark has really amped up the security system."

Barton's smirk only widened. "You think Tony needs me to secure the perimeter?"

Pete crossed his arm tightly across his chest. "I'm out here, ain't I?"

There was little Mr. Stark could do now that he was out of the building, other than have him forcefully restrained. And Barton didn't particularly look like he was up for that job. Even if he would try, Pete was so much stronger than him, suit or no suit.

"You're on the rooftop, not off the perimeter. Even you know better than that."

"Than what," he hissed. "Than to piss him off?"

Barton's eyebrows slowly moved up to his forehead. The silence was uncomfortable, had Pete shift from one foot to the other, shooting glances in different directions to his side and over his shoulder.

"Come over here, go on." Barton waved him closer, but Pete had no intention of getting sidetracked like that. He made his feet stop, glued firmly to the ground. No web-shooters meant he couldn't just jump. Well, he could and maybe he would be lucky and wouldn't break his legs but it was a failsafe way to get himself caught. His plan had been to climb down the wall, hoping to be fast enough. Teeth gnawing on his lip, he was running out of options, so he dropped his arms reluctantly and stepped a little closer. He could at least pretending he would go along with this.

"There you go." Barton gestured towards the spot on a low wall next to his camping chair but Pete rather stayed standing. "Sit. You want a beer?"

Annoyance got the better of him and he clucked his tongue. "No..."

"Good." Barton took a sip. "Wouldn't have given you any. Sit."

Pete's legs gave way at the sharp command and he sat, dropping his backpack next to his feet. It rattled him more than anything. It was just Barton after all. He had no authority over him. Pete crossed his arms tightly in front of his chest, mostly because he didn't know what else to do with them.

"So, where's the fire?"

Pete huffed, his mind racing trying to figure out how he was going to get out of this one.

"I am curious. If we pretend for a moment that you would get off the property without FRIDAY tipping off Tony, where did you think you'd go, hm?"

Pete's gaze was firmly on his lap, fingers picking at the fabric of his jacket. "Like I'm gonna tell you..."

Barton snorted. "Right. Secret hideout, hm?"

"Something like that."

His cheeks were hot with a flush he couldn't suppress. There was no need to point out that he had nowhere to go. He'd make it work. The gurgling sounds from the bottle suggested that Barton took another sip of his beer, but Pete kept his head down.

"It's fine to be mad, you know. It doesn't mean you have to throw it all away though."

Pete sniffed out a huff. "Yeah? Isn't that exactly what you did?"

The silence that followed had goosebumps pop up on Pete's arms. He shuffled a little further away from Barton before he dared to glance up. The expression on Barton's face was composed more than angry.

"And how did that work out for me, hm?"

Peter swallowed hard. He uncrossed his arms, holding onto the wall he was sitting on instead like it would make his nerves disappear. The bricks of the low wall were still warm from the day's sun. "I'm not breaking any laws."

"No, only your parents' hearts..."

"They're not—" His hands squeezed the wall a little too hard. The crunching sound it made as pieces of it crumbled onto the deck had Peter's face heat up a little more. "Mr. Stark doesn't give a fuck about that," he growled. "He only cares about himself, about what he wants."

"That's bullshit." Barton shook his head. "He loves you, Pete."

"So what?" Pete let go of the wall and folded his hands in his lap instead. "I don't care."

"Right..." Barton snorted, "I can see that. You don't care at all. No, you're super chill about the whole thing."

"Well, why should I be chill, huh?" His chin was wobbling with emotion he struggled to suppress. "He treats me like a completely different person now, like I'm supposed to forget who I am, only listen to what he says when before he—"

"When before he made you stop going out there for weeks on end," Barton interjected, his eyebrows raised. "Didn't he? So Steve and Sam wouldn't come looking for you? Didn't he tell you to stay put after Lagos? Monitored your suit. How else did he find you in Brooklyn when you came for us, hm? When he sent you home?"

Pete's heart was beating in his throat. "That was different!"

"Oh yeah?"

"It was... was reasonable then. Because... because of Rogers and Wilson." Pete shook his head. "I told him that I didn't want him to do all this stuff for me! I told him not to go down to the courthouse, not to listen to Ross, not to-"

"And you think that would have stopped him?"

Barton chuckled but Pete couldn't bring himself to look up. Why was his opinion such a joke to all of them?

"Hey, Pete... look at me."

He fought with himself, took a moment to collect his emotions before he looked up at Barton.

"There was nothing you could have said or done to stop Tony from trying to protect you. I get that for some reason you think he shouldn't do that but I have a secret for you, this is never going to change. Tony loves you more than he loves life itself. He would walk into open fire for you. You know how I know that? Because I've seen him do it. And so have you. Down in that basement when those bastards had you. He was beside himself."

"He was wearing a vest." Pete shook his head. "He didn't even know then. He said he didn't know till afterwards back at the Compound."

"He didn't need to know. It didn't matter. It only mattered that he cared for you. That he was determined to keep you safe!"

Peter sucked in a short breath through clenched teeth. "But I don't want him to-"

"Jeezes, boy! Do I really have to spell it out for you? There is no scenario in which you asking Tony not to do whatever he can to protect you will make a difference because to him losing you, means he'll lose himself. That goes for you, Peter Parker, as well as Aiden Stark."

Pete shook his head, eyes back on the ground.

"It's what any decent father would do. I'd rather rip my heart out and sell it to the highest bidder than lose one of my kids. Tony's already had his heart ripped out. You really want to add on?"

"That's not..." Pete's eyes burnt. "That's not fair."

"Is it fair that Tony had to live through a decade of thinking you were dead?"

"Yeah well I wasn't, was I? I was never really—" He stopped himself. It was a shitty thing to even think, he was aware of that, but he was just so... Pete bit his lip, hoping the sting would drown out everything else he was feeling. How annoyed he was, with everything, with himself. How helpless he was to do anything to stop it, how lost.

"Come on, Pete." Barton's tone wasn't unkind. "You're smarter than that. You were to him. Even if he tried to tell himself that one day he'd find you, Tony mourned you. Pepper mourned you."

Pete pressed his eyes shut and pushed the thought away. He didn't want to picture them like that. It wasn't fair. "Like you would even know that. You don't even know what happened back then, nobody does."

"Well, Barnes does."

Pete froze for only a heartbeat before his eyes shot up at Barton. "Wh-what?"

"He remembers," Barton shrugged. "Apparently."

"B-but-" The images from that bunker in Siberia flickering in Pete's mind.

Do you even remember them?

I remember everything.

A cold shiver ran down his back.

"You okay there, kid?"

"Y-yeah, I..." He shook his head. "Don't call me that!" Only Mr. Stark got to call him that. Before. Pete wiggled his shoulders, sitting up a little straighter like that would chase away the memory of that video. "Barnes told you then? What happened?"

Barton cringed. "God no, I make an effort not to cross paths with the dude." He took a sip of the beer. "I bet Steve does. He talks to him. A lot."

Pete was staring at his fingers where they picked at each other in his lap. To think how many people knew so much more of what had actually happened to him than he did himself.

"You're a good kid, Pete," Barton said into the silence. "Your heart's in the right place and you have some real spirit. And you're smart. You may not like it, but you know what this all comes down to. What you need to do."

"Why, though, huh?" Pete hissed, nowhere near ready to forget and forgive. "Why should I have to..."

"Because it's the right thing to do. You're mad at Tony but even if you had a point." Barton threw up a hand at the idea, like him being mad at Mr. Stark over all this was such an alien concept. "Even if there's something that you think Tony did wrong, you know why he did it. Even if you want to cling to that silly notion that you should get to decide whether Tony gets to protect you or not, you do know why he'll never listen to you on this."

Pete swallowed hard, his face turned away staring back out to the riverbank of the Hudson. Before he could say anything let alone digest Barton's words, the door to the rooftop flew open. At once, Pete jumped to his feet. He had gotten sidetracked. His plan... he was supposed to be gone.

"Oh, thank god..." Pepper stood in the doorway, one hand holding onto the frame, the other clutching her heart.

A few quick steps and she had crossed the distance, pulling Pete into a hug. Her heart was beating so fast, Pete felt it flutter against his own chest.

"You okay there, Pep?" Barton sounded casual enough but when Pete glanced over Barton's eyes were dark and squarely on him, not Pepper.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, sorry," she mumbled, then hastily let go of Pete. Both her hands came up to frame his face instead. She hesitated before she bent down and pressed a swift kiss against his hair. "Sorry. I just... I was looking for you and..." Her breathing was still fast.

"I... I was right here," Pete whispered, his ears hot with... something he couldn't quite put his finger on, not wanting to admit even to himself that it was shame. He kept his eyes low, trying not to notice the way Barton exchanged a look with her. Or the way she shifted on her feet when she noticed Pete's backpack that still sat next to Barton's chair.

Pepper's hands moved off his face, only one of them came to rest on his shoulder, holding onto him. "FRIDAY said you wanted to eat but when I asked she said you hadn't." The soft smile on her face did nothing to hide the shadow of fear still blazing behind her eyes. "I should have checked on you. I'm sorry. I should have thought to prepare something. I can still do that. Cook something. Whatever you want, darling?"

"I'm good, I... I'm not hungry." His legs were twitching but he fought his instincts to pull away and stayed close to her, his head bowed low.

"You could still come and sit with me. Me and Rhodey. Or... or just me. If you want."

Scratching the back of his neck, Pete shrugged. "Yeah, well, I..." Barton was still staring at him, sipping his beer. "That... that sounds okay. I mean... good."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them as Peter shuffled back to the wall he had sat on and picked up his backpack, careful not to meet Barton's eyes. His cheeks were blazing as Pepper led him back into the building, a hand on his shoulder like Pete might otherwise make a run for it. She did make an effort, listing a few things they could cook that might interest him but even though he hadn't really eaten all day, his appetite had never been lower. Not since the spider-bite anyway. The distinct rattling of pans and dishes was echoing down the hallway before they arrived in the communal kitchen.

Pepper sighed in relief. "You're a lifesaver, Rhodey."

She ushered Pete towards the chair and reluctantly he hovered over the seat, glancing into every corner of the room but Mr. Stark was nowhere to be seen. Breathing a little lighter, Pete quietly sank onto the chair. Pepper asked him again if he was hungry, but he had only shaken his head. His stomach felt like cotton, too full even though he hadn't eaten since the night before.

Pepper put a plate filled with steaming rice and a too healthy look pan-fried vegetable and chicken combo in front of him anyway. It was easy for him to just stare down at it, trying to identify one vegetable after the next while the soft conversation between Pepper and Rhodey just washed over him.

He had missed his chance. Should have never gotten distracted by Barton. But every time he imagined exactly that, his escape, the panicked look on Pepper's face as she had stood in the doorway to the rooftop flashed before his eyes. The way her heart had raced echoed in his ears as uncomfortable as the screeching of a squeaky door.

"...Pete?"

"Hm?" He looked up, at Rhodey first who had called his name, then over at Pepper. "Sorry... I..." He shook his head.

The corners of Pepper's mouth moved into another not quite convincing smile. "I said while we're here, maybe you want some company? Invite one of your friends over maybe? Some... some normalcy?

"Oh..." Pete blinked at her. "Right, yeah..." His hand reached for his fork in reflex. He didn't eat as much as he pushed the food back and forth on his plate for something to do with his hands, wondering if Ned's mom would even let him come out here. Wondering what Ned would say, about the Compound, about his new life, about him. Would he have even more questions? Would he know about Ben?

Pete rapidly blinked away the burning sensation in his eyes. He missed his friend, he couldn't deny that. But it was one thing to talk to him on the phone. That had been hard in itself. How was he supposed to explain any of the things that had happened to him face to face?

His plate was half empty before his stomach complained like it was full even though that was practically impossible. Pepper had quickly ducked out of the room to finish a couple of things in the lab but Rhodey was there to watch him.

"Just wrap the rest and put it in the fridge," Rhodey said while he put away the other dishes. "I can't promise that Barton won't steal it though."

Pete scrunched up his nose but went straight for the drawer with the clear wrap.

"You do know your way around here, hm?"

Lips caught between his teeth, he shrugged. There had been so many weekends over the last months that Pete had spent here, always eager, always excited. How things had changed.

"So, I guess you didn't just want to check out what the roof looks like then. Probably been up there before..." Rhodey was leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I just... didn't know he'd be up there."

"Clearly."

"I just... I just went for some air." His cheeks were burning hotter again and he turned his back, rummaging inside the fridge like he was organizing room for his plate.

"Right. Some air." Rhodey blew out an exaggerated sigh. "Any particular reason you needed to get some air?"

Pete slammed the door of the fridge shut. "I don't want to talk about it." Again.

"You and Tony have another fight?"

"I just said—"

"Hey, listen... you guys fight and you want to mope about it, that's all good..."

Annoyance was bubbling up again. "I'm not moping..."

"...but when you pack a bag and head for the exits, it's a different story."

Pete crossed his arms, eyes on the floor.

"You don't just hurt Tony with something like that, you know."

"I didn't... I didn't want to hurt him, I just..."

"Well, you would. Both of them."

He knew that now. Well, he might have known before but now... he didn't want to hurt Pepper. He didn't really want to truly hurt either of them. "I don't need another lecture. Barton already chewed me out for it, okay? I'm sorry that I was angry and..."

"No, Pete..." Rhodey rubber a hand across his face. "You're not angry. You're hurt. I understand that."

Pete chanced a glance at him, not sure what to think.

"I'm familiar with that pattern and I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told your father when he was 14 years old: Only the people you love most can hurt you like that."

It stung him in ways he couldn't quite explain. Shaking his head in defiance, he pulled his arms a little closer around himself. There wasn't anything he could say, anything to counter that.

Rhodey spread out his arms, palms open and wide like he could see the panic that was rising in Pete's stomach. "It's okay, buddy. We'll figure all this out, alright? Just..." He sighed, his arms dropping back to his sides. "When you're angry or you're hurt and you don't think you can talk to Tony or Pepper, there's still me you can come to."

"Right," Pete breathed.

"Even if it's just to rant, okay? I know... I know Tony can be a lot. We all can be, okay? Especially with everything we're dealing with right now."

Pete shrugged like it didn't matter, but in reality, it mattered a lot. He just couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

"I promise, Pete. Things will get easier. They arrested Clarke, you know? He'll pay for what he did. We'll do everything we can to make sure that he will."

Pete gnawed on the inside on his lip. "You think... you think it's really true?" His eyes were on Rhodey trying to figure out if he was trying to spin this, trying to lie. "You think he knew that... he sent Barnes? That he..." His voice was trembling but he pushed on anyway. "That he killed my uncle?"

"About tipping off Barnes, I'm not sure." His nose had crinkled as he said it but then he looked right at Pete, his face open and sincere. "What I do know is that he was involved. I've seen the documents they found at your old apartment. I know Tony was trying to figure out how Clarke was involved. It seems like he did because with this, with your uncle..." Rhodey shook his head. "Tony would never lie about that. Never."

With a nod, Pete bowed his head. He didn't really want to think about Ben, scared that if he did he might cry again, and maybe this time, he wouldn't be able to stop. Maybe this time it would break him once and for all.

He was almost relieved when the sound of Pepper's heels echoed down the hallway again, changing their conversation abruptly from the murder of his uncle to what movie Pete might want to watch.

Not that he was in the mood for entertainment. He was in the mood for going back to his room and hiding under the covers, hiding away from the world. From this life that was his but that he didn't even recognize anymore. But he had already run once today. So instead, he stuck it out. Rhodey had put on Back To The Future, which was great because Pete could tune out without much trouble. It wasn't like Pepper or Rhodey paid much attention to the movie either. Rhodey had his phone hidden next to himself, scrolling through what Pete could only guess were news stories of the day. Pepper was sitting between them, one arm around him, her eyes a little unfocused and staring slightly to the side of the projection surface.

Leaning against her, Pete could almost imagine that this was where he was supposed to be. It felt so normal, being close to her. Like this was where he belonged. Like they hadn't spent 11 years apart. It felt just as comfortable as it had when he watched this for the first time snuggled up to May instead, Ben repeatedly telling him to watch out for the best part that was coming up next. He could almost remember how uncomplicated and normal his life used to be. How easy and uneventful. How May would run her fingers through his hair and laugh at Ben's commentary every time.

His eyes flickered up at Pepper. The look on her face as she had stormed out onto the rooftop just wouldn't leave him alone. How scared she was. Was that what it had been like back then when Barnes had taken him? Or worse? Worse, right? It had to have been worse. He hadn't been gone this time after all. It had only been a few moments. Minutes, not years. He'd probably never know what it had been like for them. For her. And for his father.

"Pepper?" He kept his voice low but it didn't seem like Rhodey was paying attention anyway.

She twitched a little, her eyes meeting his right away. "You okay, darling?"

No, but that didn't matter now. For a brief moment, Pete contemplated asking her about May. About whether Pepper thought she was to blame. If she did blame her, but he couldn't bring himself to.

"Do you... Do you really think it's... okay for my friend, for Ned to visit?"

The expression on her face softened. "Of course, that's okay. I can arrange everything. Have Happy pick him up. I'd be happy to."

"Okay," Pete nodded before his head dropped back down against her shoulder.

Maybe that would be a good chance. A chance for things to turn around. Maybe this was the time when things could finally get a little better.

###

[author's note:

First of all, that for your patience, guys. I know I've kept you waiting for a bit.

Secondly, I want to say a mega huge thank you to everyone who nominated this story and my account for the Iron Dad Creator Awards on tumblr. "If They Knew All About You" was nominated in 7(!) categories and my AO3 account in another 2 writer categories. Plus, my Endgame time-travel Fix-It and the corresponding series were nominated for best time-travel story and best series.

That's honestly super flattering and I can't thank you enough.

If you want to vote for my stories & me - or your own faves - you can still do so here until tomorrow (April 21st) at midnight PT:

A huge thank you goes once again to Spagbol99 for all her help! She is also about to publish her own Bio!Dad take and since I've read the first chapter, I can only recommend you go make sure you don't miss it! Find her on AO3.

In the meantime, I've been posting a few one-shots for the webpril 2021 prompt series, if you're looking for something a little shorter to read ;) There are some very light-hearted stories, a few with my normal amount of whump and one that is quite dark and should be read with caution. (Also on my AO3 account).

And as always: thank you so much for reading and commenting. I've been absolutely shitty with keeping up with responding to all your awesome comment but please, do keep them coming cause I love them ;)]