A/N: Takes place shortly after the Ready Player One review episode.
In this fourty-second review episode, team RWBY discuss the trailer of the viral-marketed and ingeniously secretive 2008 found-footage movie produced by J.J. Abrams which later formed a franchise off of it, known as Cloverfield, and they decide to review it while their friends were out spending time at the moment.
Team RWBY's Commentary of Cloverfield
BEACON ACADEMY
2:35 PM
After Team RWBY, Ibuki, Cameron and Baiken had reviewed Ready Player One during the social event, despite there being a proclaimed playfight between Cameron and Baiken that went rough by accident, Athena, Maka, Cameron, Baiken, and all the other guests that RWBY had invited now went out to go around Vale and/or spending time in the Academy with team JNPR for the time being.
To pass the time in their dorm room, team RWBY decided to do another movie they wanted to discuss, which was a film called Cloverfield.
"Hello, I'm Ruby..."
"...I'm Yang..."
"...I'm Blake..."
"...and I'm Weiss."
Team RWBY introduced, "We remember it so you don't have to."
"Usually we have talked about many good and bad flicks that came out many years ago, and we still look forward to in the midst of our huntress training here in Beacon. Remember that heavily-marketed film back in 2008 that released a trailer before Transformers back when it came out in 2007? For those of you who don't, let's check it out.", Ruby began.
Yang said as they describe the trailer once they started watching it, "Alright, so it starts with a handheld camera shooting a surprise party for some guy named Rob. Mostly it's people joking, talking, drinking and all that stuff and saying how much they're gonna miss Rob after he leaves the city."
"When suddenly, the power goes out, and a loud as hell explosion is heard outside! And people start yelling and screaming and running downstairs as the camera goes a little Blair Witch on us. As everyone exits outside they hear a thunderous roaring sound. VERY intense.", rated Blake during their viewing of the teaser.
Weiss asked frantically, "A thunderous roaring sound? What could that be?", as they watched the trailer to see a building blowing up, "Oh, it's a building blowing up. THAT'S what it is! Dude, it's a building blowing up. Holy shit!"
"As the building blows to smithereens, bits of debris and fiery death are raining down on the onlookers. Within seconds, everything's being thrown at them! A car, a house, a restaurant, a store, a gas station, other bits of rubble, a cow- Okay, maybe not a cow, but a lot of stuff!", stunned the leader of team RWBY whilst seeing the intense secretive teaser.
Ruby's elder sister then said as they watched the climax of the trailer, "And last, but not fucking least, the head of the goddamn Statue of Liberty.", amazed afterwards, "D'oh, we just pissed ourselves. That's the scariest thing we've ever seen in my entire life! We mean, it was terrifying, it was incredible it was suspenseful it was so scary it was just..."
"Oh my gods, you just wouldn't believe it! What could this horrible creation of Beelzebub be?", the Faunus wondered before the teaser credited From Producer J.J. Abrams, "J.J. Abrams? The co-creator of Lost and the director of the 2009 Star Trek and Star Wars: The Force Awakens? He might be a monster, but he's not that big to be one.", and it then showed text saying In Theatres 1.18.08, "Please, pretty please! There's gotta be more then that!"
The heiress notices, "Well, are they forgeting something? The title? They forgot the title of their movie! How can they forget the title of your movie? What kind of a rip-off is that? They build us up, they scare the shit out of the audience, and then they don't even tell us what we're supposed to be afraid of!"
"That's bullshit!", Ruby objected, "We mean, what could it be? What could the giant thing that destroys buildings and tosses the head of the Statue of Liberty everywhere possibly be? Is it a demon? Is it a bear? is it a lion? Is it a wolf? Is it a machine? Is it a Grimm? Is it Donkey Kong? My money's on Donkey Kong or a giant Grimm!"
Yang theorized, "Maybe it's the black smoke, from Lost! He got off the island and now he's looking for a nice industrial plant to call home."
"No, no, no. I bet it's J.J. Abrams' production logo, the Bad Robot!", Blake thought, "Maybe he's searching for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man or something.", snickering.
Weiss said, "HIGHLY IMPROBABLE! It's actually a lot harder than it sounds figuring out what's running amok. The movie's title, from what we've known, was finalized as Cloverfield, but it was claimed that it was the fake title they came up with so no one would be able to find out any information about this thing."
"Which I feel is...kind of bad advertising when it first came out.", Ruby ensures her three teammates, "How can some people back then, say, see the film, purchase a ticket, go into a theater and watch this motion picture experience, if...THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S FUCKING CALLED?!", calming down, "With that being said, we're gonna give Cloverfield a go and give our thoughts on it."
Yang, Blake and Weiss smiled, "Best of luck.", as the four of them proceed to start watching Cloverfield on Blu-Ray.
One viewing later...
4PM
Ruby, after seeing the film with her teammates, then began their analysis with the film, "Well, the four of us finally saw Cloverfield, and we feel it necessary to talk about the film that we, ironically, help evaluate. So, what is it that's terrifying all of New York in the middle of the night after all the built-up suspense? We'll tell you what it is...a monster. Just...a monster. Not Donkey Kong, or a giant Grimm...It's just a monster. It's not even a famous monster, like Godzilla or Rodan or anything, it's just a monster. No twists, no backstory, no surprises, just a monster."
Yang, all of a sudden, suddenly bursts with her lilac eyes turning blood red, "...BULLSHIT! ALL THAT BUILD UP, ALL THIS TIME, ALL OF THAT JUST FOR A FUCKING MONSTER? I'LL BE FUCKED! If we wanna see monsters, we'd go practice on our huntress skills and kill Grimm!"
"Oh, hell. You don't care about what it is, all you wanna know is, is it a good movie? Let us tell you something... This. Film. Was. Okay!", Blake critiqued, "Just...okay. Not good, not bad, it's just...okay. How's the monster? It's okay. How's the acting? It's okay. How are the special effects? IT'S ALL OKAY!"
Weiss evaluates, "It's like a giant, flaming, nuclear ball of adequacy! So if you like shaky cameras and monsters going 'ROAR!', chances are you're gonna like Cloverfield."
"In fact, we could probably just imagine reenacting the movie right now. And it's actually not a bad idea...", the leader of team RWBY said.
The four of them partake in their own reenactment of the movie entirely taken place in their dorm room.
Ruby was holding a camera saying whilst shaking it like a found footage film, "OH MY GODS, THERE'S A GIANT MONSTER OUTSIDE, THINGS ARE BLOWING UP AND I CAN'T HOLD THE CAMERA STRAIGHT! I WAS JUST AT A PARTY, WHERE ONLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IN NEW YORK COULD SHOW UP, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, ALL THIS WEIRD STUFF IS HAPPENING!"
"LOOK OUTSIDE- OOH, OOOOOOOHHHHHH!", Yang panics during their reenactment as visual effects showed the textless Cloverfield poster of the headless Statue of Liberty overlooking New York, "LOOK OUTSIDE, SOMEONE TOOK THE HEAD OFF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY! WHO WOULD DO THAT? WHO WOULD DO THAT, A MONSTER!"
Blake then acted as they showed a printed image of the Leviathan Grimm from RWBY: Volume 6 as the monster in their reenactment, "OH MY GODS, THERE IT IS, IT'S SO BIG AND HORRIBLE- IT'S KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, WE GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO PAY THE EIGHT BUCKS TO SEE IT IN THE MOVIE THEATER BACK THEN... THAT'S, UH, THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF INGENIOUS... WE THINK WE'RE GONNA SHAKE THE CAMERA AND SCREAM SOME MORE. OH MY GODS!", screaming.
"NOW I'M GONNA TAKE A MINUTE TO HAVE A DRAMATIC MOMENT...", Weiss said before taking the camera as she turned it to face her, as she cried, "Oh...it's all gone...it's all gone...", before switching, "...OKAY, MOMENT OVER!", turning the camera back and shaking it while pretending to panic and scream, "SCREAMING AND RUNNING, SCREAMING AND RUNNING, AHH, AHHH!"
The red-black-haired huntress continued during their reenactment of Cloverfield, "OH MY GODS, THE BIG MONSTER IS ACTUALLY SPITTING OUT LITTLE MONSTERS! OH MY GODS, ONE BITES YOU AND YOUR HEAD ACTUALLY EXPLODES! ALRIGHT, ACTUALLY THAT'S PRETTY COOL!"
"OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED THE MONSTER, THEY ACTUALLY KILLED IT, THEY DESTROYED IT IN THE CITY, HALLELU- OH NO, WAIT, NO, THEY DIDN'T! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!", the blonde huntress shrieked as she focused the camera on her.
The black-haired and white-haired huntresses panicked when they cut back to the printed image of the Leviathan Grimm, "OH MY GODS, THE MONSTER IS ABOUT TO EAT US! DON'T EAT US, MR. MONSTER! AHHH, AAAAAHHHH, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!", as the shaky camera zooms in on the image and then is flopped onto the former's bed and then moving the camera over near the TV, "OH MY GODS, IT SPAT US OUT, IT SPAT-", and then showed an excerpt from the show Lost, "OH MY GODS, IT SPAT US ONTO THE ISLAND FROM LOST! LOCKE, LOCKE, DID YOU SEE THE GIANT MONSTER? HE WAS SO CREEPY!"
"HEY, IS THAT GUY FROM LORD OF THE RINGS REALLY DEAD? I LIKED THAT GUY! HE WAS COOOOL!", Ruby finished their enactment of the film as they finished with the camera and went back to talk about their conclusions on the film, "And that's pretty much the movie. Well...except for that last part, that did not actually happened, but you get the idea. It's pretty much JUST a monster movie, nothing else. If you like monster movies, you'll probably like Cloverfield."
"Especially since it even got a franchise out of it and had two sequels, one being 10 Cloverfield Lane which its trailer came out with 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, and Netflix's The Cloverfield Paradox originally known as God Particle.", reported Yang.
"We heard that Overlord was once rumored to be the 4th Cloverfield movie, but it was debunked by Abrams himself. Still, we can't wait to see how the true sequel to the first Cloverfield film turns out to be.", anticipated Blake.
Weiss simply says, "After all, it was an immensely intense flick that we're sure it'll end up as a cult classic for many years to come, even if people like the ingenious secrecy films like Cloverfield incorporated."
"Anyways, I'm Ruby..."
"...I'm Yang..."
"...I'm Blake..."
"...and I'm Weiss."
Team RWBY said, "I remember it because it's...adequate.", as they left to go meet with their friends.
End of Team RWBY's Commentary of Cloverfield
Up Next: Team RWBY's Commentary of Hulk (2003)