Chapter 83.
Jules, Cas and Jack had been talking about Star Wars. Well, mostly Jack had been talking and Jules and Cas had been basking in his boundless enthusiasm, enjoying his happiness. Jules thought even Cas could tell the happiness was not about the movie he had watched, but the knowledge that Jules was not returning to the exile of Sarah's farm.
She was torn between letting him have the hope that all would be fixed and gently reminding him that Cas had not changed his view and seemed determined not to do so, but in the end, the choice was easy.
Jack was a creature of hope and possibility. He was not blind to the dark side of the world, not unaware that hearts and lives could be easily broken and were not so easy to fix, but he thrived on his belief that better was possible, that healing could happen.
Even in her world, Jack had believed things could be put right. Here, where the grass was still green and the air not wholly choked with dust and poison, he knew it. Hope shone from his eyes and fell from his lips when he spoke encouragement to others. That hope was the soul of the child, the legacy of his mother and Jules could not crush it, because she could not bear to crush him.
Besides, that hope was the best chance to change Cas's mind. As long as he saw that light in his son's eyes, a little voice in his head would be whispering, "Perhaps there is another way." So she smiled at Jack and did not try to tone down his optimism and she saw Castiel smile the smile he reserved for his beloved son and she let a little hope take root in her heart.
It was getting later and soon, they would be back in the room they had always shared so happily and she must be careful, not to ask too much or challenge his decision or do anything that would awaken Castiel, implacable angel of the Lord. She needed to appeal to gentle, trusting, open-hearted Cas. She needed to make him understand that it was not weakness to need someone at his side and that the Empty could not be allowed to rob him of everyone he loved before it claimed him.
It was possible, likely, even, that they would part the next day, with hugs and kisses and mutual regret, but not with any hope of reconciliation. It was possible that she would fail him and that he would sink into this Empty Lite of isolation and sorrow. That would break all three of their hearts. Another good reason not to accept defeat until she had to. The weight of the possibility was almost unbearable already. To assume it was fact might obliterate her.
"I need to shower." said Cas suddenly.
"What for?" said Jules. He never showered. He never needed to.
"Lack of grace has some very unpleasant side effects." he said, "I sweat now. If we're to be in close proximity, I should make sure that I am clean."
"A little bit of sweat won't bother me." she said, "You never get offended by mine. If the scent of sweat troubles you, there must have been nights when ... "
"You always smell wonderful." he said, "It's not just the sweat it's the ... " He looked around, as if hoping for the right words to be written somewhere, then he looked into her eyes and said, "I feel unclean."
"Is this about yesterday?" she said.
"This is about everything." he said.
"Do you think your doubts make you unclean?" she said.
His eyes studied the table in front of him. "An angel should be resolute."
"Resolute angels. Yeah, they've been great for both our worlds. I'll take an angel who questions, who doubts, who cares about things. I love that my angel cares about me."
"You always tell me doubt is nothing to fear." said Jack, "You said it's how I know I am thinking my own thoughts and exercising free will."
"Yes, I did." said Cas, "I'm going to take a shower."
Jules nodded. "Whatever makes you comfortable."
When he'd gone, Jack said, "If I were at full power, I think I could take out the Empty."
"Would that be safe ... for existence, I mean?" she said.
"It would be a calculated risk, but I'm not denying, risk would be involved."
"So, we need to calculate a little more?"
He nodded. "Yes, but when we go up against the Empty for Castiel, it wouldn't hurt to be able to mention the fact that I can probably destroy it."
There were times when she could hardly believe how perfect the kid was, breathlessly innocent and hopeful, with a gift for strategy she was only beginning to recognise and beneath it all, that unaltering devotion. "That wouldn't hurt at all." she said.
"I doubt it wants to hold on to Castiel, more than it wants to exist." he said,
"No, I think you and I and maybe the Winchesters are the only ones that obsessed with him."
"He knows I'm looking for ways around the deal. He made me promise not to put myself or the universe at risk."
"Good. I think those are sensible parameters."
"I'll break the promise if I have to." he said, "But I'd prefer not to. He trusts me."
"Jack, if you die, he'll never recover. You need to stay alive." she said.
He smiled. "You assume it's my life I'll risk, not the universe."
"I know you. I know it is."
"You really do, don't you?" said Jack, "Half the world can't understand me, but you always do."
"You're not hard to understand. You're a truly good person, rare, possibly unique, but easy to understand, because you will always do the right thing, the selfless thing. It's why he loves you so much and why I do. You remind me of him, but he says your mother was the same."
"She was a very good person, filled with love and kindness." he said.
Jules patted his arm. "She must be so proud of you."
"Yes, she said she was, when I met her in Heaven." he said.
"My good, sweet, kind, Jedi stepson." she said.
"Too many syllables." he said, "Just son is fine. I have one mother in Heaven and one on Earth and I want to make them both proud."
"You do, every single day." said Jules.