I was fairly confident that rain was all that was likely to fall the first night of the next summer. The clouds didn't seem volatile enough for there to be any lightning or wind or anything. On the outside, it was just a gentle rain falling from the night sky.
Or… maybe, if there was going to be a storm, it'd decided to spare Stardew Valley its wrath by moving to my heart instead.
Only love could make something so… trivial break me in two like this, I suppose.
Sam hadn't come by today. Not even for a hello. I mean, I knew those were lofty expectations to have for a person, for them to come by and say something to me every single day of their life, but… inadvertently, Sam had gotten me used to it. It had become a routine, perhaps my new favorite.
…Well, maybe "routine" was an understatement. A severe one. Sam, no matter how briefly he showed up, had become a drug. And this first night of this summer, the withdrawal felt like a piranha swimming around in my heart.
After reeling in the second clump of seaweed in a row (was it a coincidence that I was reeling in a lot of seaweed tonight?), I simply couldn't make the next cast quite yet. I channeled this stupid pain in my heart into tossing power, and yeeted that clump of seaweed to the middle of the ocean. Then, I brought my knees to my body and my feet to the dock and wrapped my arms around myself, imagining what was left of the town's light reflecting off Sam's eyes.
It… almost ended up hurting more, though. The warmth I may have been giving my frontside made my back feel cold and empty by comparison. It was a stark reminder that no matter what I did, no one was here. Sam wasn't here. And there was nothing I could do to change that.
I think this is when I can safely say the thought of confessing my feelings started to reach a breaking point. After all, I thought, maybe there was a chance I'd never be forced to be without him at a time that I needed him, and in order to make that chance a reality, I had to say something.
If he'd been here, in fact… there was a very real chance I wouldn't have been able to hold back. My feelings must have been clear in my facial expression, right? In the way I was hugging myself? Taking deep breaths and trying to expel my feelings out through my lungs?
As if this was a fanfic or something, it was at that moment that footsteps radiated across the dock.
The burst of shock I felt could have landed me in the briny deep, with how quickly I dangled my legs over the water and picked up my pole again. One wrong move, and I would have landed more than a hook into the water.
I looked behind me, expecting for Sam to come to my heart's rescue like a knight on a stallion, of fucking course… but I somehow should have expected the truth.
"Hey," said Sebastian, walking over to me with an umbrella in one hand.
"H-Hey," I replied, dropping my line in the water right in front of me.
"I hope you're having a better night than me," he sighed.
"Uh oh," I said, shifting into comfort mode. "What's up?"
He didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then, he took a breath so deep that I was impressed.
"I… I fucked up," he told me, the words riding a smaller sigh. "I… said something I shouldn't have to Sam."
"What was that?" I asked.
"He…" he said before pausing and sighing another sigh. He then continued "He was bugging me to hang out this morning, but I had a fuckton of work, and Abby and I got into a fight last night, and…"
My heart broke even further upon hearing that last thing. Broke in a different spot, even.
"And I… snapped at him," he continued. "When he just wouldn't quit… I told him he was annoying. That doesn't seem like much on the surface, but my… I know my tone was harsh. At the time, I… meant it. I think I may have gone a little too far. When he backed off, he seemed a bit down. I think…"
He sighed again, but this time, it was quick.
"Fuck it," he said. "I have to go apologize. He's usually still up at this hour. I got to apologize now if he's still up."
He totally sounded like he didn't want to, but knew he had to. I could relate; apologies are essential, but could really suck ass.
"Yeah, that's a good idea," I said with an encouraging tone. "Good on you."
Fully expecting him to leave at this point, I looked down at the water, watching the ripples of water coming from my bobber.
A good ten seconds later, though, I realized he was still standing there. I was surprised, but if what I was thinking was true, I completely understood.
"Apologies are sometimes needed, but… it's totally valid for them to hurt, too," I said, not knowing what else to say. "Admitting you're wrong is difficult. That's okay."
"Yeah, but… it's not that," said Sebastian. "It's… ah… Maybe you could come with me?"
"Hm?" I asked, looking up at him, caught off guard. "…Is it that apologizing's a little easier when someone's got your back?"
"…Yeah, sure," he said.
"Then yeah, just give me a moment," I said, packing up my stuff.
In a few minutes, we were at Sam's window. The light was on, but Sam wasn't in there yet.
This was probably the first look I'd ever gotten at his room, and I was taking in the sight a little more than I ought to have. I guess seeing the bedroom of the guy you seriously like will do that to you. I was impressed by the keyboard and the drum set as well, but more than anything, I was trying to pick out the titles of all the books on that giant bookshelf of his. I could see one elementary school math workbook, a music theory textbook, what looked like a "Solarion Chronicles" guidebook…
As soon as I picked that one out, though, the door opened, and Sam came in.
I couldn't tell you why my instinctual response to this was to hide against the wall beside the window so that I couldn't be seen.
Sebastian, looking at me like I was the village idiot I was, whispered "Why are you hiding?"
"I dunno, my brain assumed we were spying on him or something," I responded, coming out from hiding.
"I guess that's fair," he shrugged.
Still didn't stop me from feeling deathly mortified, though. All I could do was tell myself there were more important matters right now… like getting the chance to see that Sam was alright with my own eyes. If Sebastian had snapped at me like that, I quite frankly would have hated myself. I knew Sam was a different person and may have been completely unscratched, but… if they say to treat people how you want to be treated, I had to assume they felt the way I would feel.
Sebastian lightly knocked on the window. As if Sebastian had done this before, but not too often, Sam immediately looked to the window and saw us with a surprised expression on his face. He then came over and opened the window.
"Hey, guys," he said. "What… What's up?"
I immediately shot Sebastian what I hoped was a look of encouragement. It was his turn, after all.
"I… I wanted to apologize for the shitty way I talked to you this morning," he said. "It was uncalled for, you're not an annoying person… I was pissed at multiple different things, and I shouldn't have taken that out on you. I'm sorry."
Somehow, that was a way more mature apology than I was expecting. It warmed my heart.
Sam looked down at his windowsill and thought for a second. His face told me he was recalling how hurt he must have felt.
"…It's okay," he said, looking back up at Sebastian and smiling. "I'm glad you apologized, but… I was pushing a little too hard, too. I'm sorry, too."
There was probably only a second of silence, but it felt like a minute. I saw only the slightest of smiles appear on Sebastian's face, too, but it was a smile nonetheless. Now, it seemed like in addition to rain, the air was filled with love and relief.
The next person to speak was Sam again, who said "You know what? You guys are going to get soaked. Get in here."
"Alright," Sebastian said, hiking his knee onto the windowsill as if this definitely wasn't the first time he'd climbed into Sam's room this way. Meanwhile, my pulse probably tripled. I mean… I was going into my crush's bedroom. Come on.
As soon as Sebastian successfully slipped into the room, it was my turn. And I was quite frankly getting performance anxiety, of all things. Only a crush will give you performance anxiety for climbing through a damn window.
That same anxiety probably made the whole thing more difficult than it had to be. By that, I mean the process would've gone smoothly if I hadn't hit my head right before slipping into the room myself. Thankfully, my pride hurt more than my head, but considering the fact that Sebastian chuckled and Sam asked if I was alright, my pride hurt pretty badly.
As soon as I got in, though… a weird sense of comfort washed over me, one which made its epicenter in my heart. It was plenty bright in this room, so I could see the bricks in the wall, as well as the green of the carpet, vividly. I could only see the rainfall outside, though, thanks to the occasional reflection of light.
I saw Sebastian sit on the floor by the keyboard, so I decided to sit under the window between the bed and the desk.
And suddenly, this room, the rain outside it, Sebastian, and Sam were all that existed. Farms? Shops? Gardens? Blinding sunlight? What was all that? It was like nothing I'd ever felt before, like I'd somehow managed to shift to a reality made just for me. I had to admit, part of it was how… fluffy Sam's carpet was. I hadn't noticed it until I saw it up close, but the carpet was one of those where the material came up in slightly longer strands than normal.
When I'd just realized this feeling was called feeling at home… Sam went and made it even better. He went and turned on the lamp by the drum set, then turned his overhead light off, to make the lighting in the room gentler. He then went and laid down on his bed, his back propped up by his headboard.
I had to admit, seeing him lay on his own bed like this… it brought out something… animalistic in me, but not in a horny way. Not completely, anyway. More than anything, I felt an overwhelming desire to lay beside him. Lay my head on his shoulder, have his arm around me… maybe place a kiss or two on that face of his…
Essentially, my entire existence was three things right now: basking in the feeling of having most of the world melt away, dreaming of being beside Sam, and being one of two shoulders for Sebastian to lean on.
"Abby and I got into a fight…" Sebastian sighed.
"No… really?" asked Sam.
"Yeah," said Sebastian. "That's… probably most of why I snapped at you this morning. I…" He pounded a fist into the floor. "I hate this! I hate being angry at the girl I love!"
"I can understand that," Sam nodded. "It's really lonely shit."
"…I think I know the answer to this, but…" I interjected hesitantly. "Are you really angry at her? Or are you angry at the situation? Or just angry at what she said?"
"…I guess… maybe I'm mostly angry at what she said," Sebastian replied. "But what she said made me feel like my feelings were being ignored. As if she was right and I was wrong."
"Hmm…" I said, in a tone that hopefully made it clear I was sorry he had to feel that way.
"What were you guys arguing about?" asked Sam.
"…I don't really want to get into it…" Sebastian replied. "Family matters, pretty much."
"Oh, yeah, sure, sorry," said Sam.
"…Did you tell her how you felt?" I asked. "That it made you feel… Well, like your feelings were disregarded?"
"…I did, actually," Sebastian replied. "I asked her if she'd even thought about taking a second to put herself in my shoes. She insisted she was just trying to help and that I was flying off the handle."
"Hmm…" I said. "…Well… admittedly… maybe you were."
"Huh?" Sebastian asked, seeming a little offended.
"W-Well, okay, you asked her to consider your feelings, and that's good," I said. "But were those the exact words you used?"
"Yeah," said Sebastian. "I asked her if she'd considered putting herself in my shoes."
I took a second to make sure I was probing the right part of the problem. Confirming to myself that I was, I continued.
"Maybe the word choice was a little off," I said. "…Did they ever teach you in elementary school that you should use phrases like 'When you did this, it made me feel this' and stuff like that? Maybe something like 'I just kinda feel like you don't really understand my position' or 'I feel like my feelings are being disregarded' or 'I feel like, having had this experience, this solution is better for me' or…"
"Something more adult," said Sam.
"…Yeah, sure," I said, resisting the urge to chuckle at how short yet accurate that was.
"I think I get what she's saying," said Sam. "Asking Abigail if she'd 'taken a moment to consider putting herself in your shoes' sounds like you're really accusing her."
"THAT'S it!" I said, a little more enthusiastically than I'd intended. "…Er, yeah, that's what I mean. I couldn't think of the right way to put it."
"…I mean… it's not like I can take back what I said," said Sebastian. "But… I'm already almost not angry anymore. Maybe I just needed some time to cool off, and… I can… what you said."
"I'm glad to hear that," I said.
"…You seem to have all the answers," Sebastian said. "Thanks for always talking sense into me."
"You've done the same for me, you know," I said without realizing it.
Shit. When he'd done that, it'd involved Sam, who didn't know, and I wanted it to stay that way and he was sitting right there.
Thankfully, though, he asked no questions. I had to hold back a sigh of relief.
"So… sorry if this is a bit insensitive, but…" said Sam.
At this moment, to my horror, I woke back up. After starting to doze off without realizing it.
"Are we still good for Tuesday?" Sam asked Sebastian.
"I… I hope so," said Sebastian. "I'll let you know."
"If nothing else, you and I can go over that one part," said Sam.
I'm honestly kinda pissed that this is when the clock struck 2am and I passed out on Sam's bedroom floor. This was the most I'd heard about the band in a while, and I was legitimately invested in what little I had heard.
Author's note: So… I was going to take a little break from this to focus on other fanfics. However, basically, I was already in a mood. Then, I ran into a video that had Stardew Valley music. Then, I found myself in a mood where my heart was thirsting for Sam, and there's something special about cranking out a piece of writing in the wee hours of the night fueled on emotion alone, so… here we are. I couldn't split it up, either; I had to crank this whole thing out while I was in this mood, frantically switching back and forth between the Stardew Valley OST and the Va-11 Hall-A OST, because my regular writing playlist just wasn't going to do this justice. It was around 10pm when I started, and it's 1:30am now (but I'll wait until people are awake to publish it). I'm gonna go to bed now, but I hope my heart vomit is at least somewhat enjoyable; I'm actually kinda proud of it.