I'm in the doorframe when she gets up, hair in a bun, flushed cheeks from the cold outside.
Icy eyes melt when she sees me.
"Hi." She greets me, hands in the pockets of her puffer coat.
"Hey."
There's an awkward silence I'm not used to with Rose. We're never awkward, she's never silent.
"So... you want to come in or?"
She steps in, black Ugg boots with bows, toes tattered because she can't throw them out.
"I'm sorry, Bell." Her eyes water. It's been a week since I saw her, talked to her. "I'm so fucking stupid, I'm an ass." She shakes her head, tendrils of golden curls fall from their red, ruffled confinement.
"You have an ass. A great one, in fact." Rose glares at me, arching a brow. The little smile falls straight off my face when I see the wheels turn inside her head.
"Did you dr—"
"Stop it, right there. Unless you want to straight back home." I take a deep breath, cover myself up more with my blanket. It's smooth and so soft but I'm longing for rough hands, tight grip. "I made a fucking joke, not down a bottle of scotch, Rosalie."
She purses glossy lips and looks down. I know she knows she's being a judgemental bitch.
"Fuck, Bella. Are we really gonna fight like this?" She throws her hands up, shaking her head. Tears stream from thick-lashed, blue eyes.
"We're not fighting. I'm simply standing up for my fucking self. I've let you trample all over me for far too long, with your gorgeous looks and easy fucking life." I bite. It's a mistake to make it this personal, but she hurt me. Besides, I'm right. I know I am.
"Oh, that's what this is about now? You want to stand up for yourself by leaving me here? By moving to a different fucking state? For a guy who has as many issues as you, if not more? What do you even know about him, anyway? That he's got a pretty face and a nice cock?" Rose bites right back. "What the fuck?!" She chokes on her last words, looking at me like I just destroyed her world while she's the one who's throwing punches.
"See, you're doing it again! Leaving you? Get a fucking grip! You have a fucking husband who would die for you, Emmett would fucking kill for you! Don't you get it? Maybe I want that too, Rose. Maybe I want a fucking shot — a legit chance in this life, someone that makes me feel happy." I take my smokes and light one up even though I just brushed my teeth.
"You have a chance, you've always had a chance. You just never had the balls to take it! Do something with it."
Her words cut like a razor blade, her eyes spitting fires — her face marred by a frown.
"I can't believe it." I laugh but it's humorless. It's fucking hurtful. "You know, if you really cared, you would have noticed I wasn't alright. Yet, you didn't and took me out, played fucking wingman for my addiction by getting me free drinks. Such a good nurse you are, Hale. Not even noticing your supposed best friend has a drinking problem — took a fuckton of drugs..."
"Yeah, blame me for your fucking problems. I bet that'll help you, Isabella Swan. As if you need it, as if you need a reason. You're just looking for someone to blame. Guess what? Self-pity is not cute. You might think it is, that it's getting you flown to fucking Miami, that he's gonna worship the ground you walk on just because you chose to live another day?" She huffs and turns around. "Pathetic." She spits.
"Get the fuck out." My voice sounds weak, yet I feel like I could punch a hole through the door.
"I can't believe I came here tonight..."
"I didn't ask you to."
"You know, next time you're passed out on your bed — overdosed and sick of it all, remember me, that I stayed with you every fucking second. That I came to pick you up at rehab, Bella." She takes a deep breath that comes out shaky, and it's like she wants to say something else, but she chooses her words too carefully. "By the way, my life isn't fucking easy. If you only knew what just happened to me today..."
"You have a fucking God complex, Rosalie." I shove her out of the door and throw it shut before I sink down on the ground, cold and alone. I can't stop the tears from falling down, can't stop them coming out. My hands tremble as I take a shaky drag from my cigarette, ashes falling down on the bare skin of my thigh. It burns and it's hot, but I don't care.
I welcome it. It doesn't hurt nearly as much than what Rose just did to me.
A while later, my body is stiff and my face feels dry and itchy from the tears. I can barely keep my eyes open and crawl in my bed. The blanket's not thick enough, the air too cold, the bed too empty. I look at the screen of my phone one more time. I see his face, the last time I'll have to go to bed without him.
I know a few of you were rooting for Rose — that you wanted her to step up... Trust me, Rose isn't a bad friend, and she loves Bella. She just can't grasp the fact that Masen is able to make Bella feel 'happy', and she wasn't enough... It's very common for people who deal with loved ones who are/were addicted to anything. It's like you're completely unworthy, because you were not enough to help him, you couldn't do enough. Keep in mind, you're seeing Bella's POV only here — and I always say: there's two sides to a pancake, so don't hate her please. I've been through it myself, and it's really hard to see someone you love go through what Bella's gone through.
Rose will come through, big love!
See you tomorrow xoxoxo