Chapter 85.

Cas knocked on the door that had been his and then went cautiously inside. Jules was sitting on the bed in a loose top and sweatpants, but she got up as he closed the door behind him. "I was a little worried." she said, "You were a long time for a shower."

"I spoke to Dean." he said.

"Did it go okay?" she said.

"Yes. He helped me to clear my mind."

"Well, that sounds ... good." she said uncertainly, "Will you take off the coat, or do you need to keep it on?"

"I don't know what the rules are for sleeping with someone after you break up." he said.

"To be honest, it doesn't usually come up." she said, "But our relationship: our rules, right? So let's say that for tonight and only for tonight, the relationship is reinstated and we can wear or not wear and do or not do anything we like."

"Does that mean we can kiss?"

"That means we can kiss, if you're comfortable with that."

"Are you comfortable with it?" he said. That seemed to be far more important matter.

"I will never not want to kiss you." she said.

He took off the coat and hung it on the door. "Tomorrow," he said, "We have to give it all up again. Can you do that if we have the relationship back for tonight?"

"Think about that, for a moment." she said, "Either, we have no kisses and no snuggling and tomorrow more of the same, but forever, or we have a night of all the things we're about to lose and we make some good memories, instead of ending with that terrible argument when I said those cruel things."

"When Sam was getting the demon blood out of his system ... "

"I'm demon blood now?"

"No, but ... I think they call it cold turkey."

"I'm not your addiction, you're not mine and if you want me to stop loving you, you'll have to kill me, or erase my memory, which would be worse."

"So you think this is the best way?" he said.

"Yes. So, what's the dress code?" she said.

"Maybe, just as we are for now." he said.

"Okay. But if we're agreed that the relationship exists again for tonight, would it be acceptable for me to wear the ring? Last chance to do that and I kinda love it."

He took the ring from the nightstand and put it onto her finger. She put her hands on his waist and brushed her lips against his. "I love you." she said.

"I love you too." he said. It felt good to say it. The part of his mind that kept replaying movies of them walking under trees together approved. At the same time, he felt a pang that they would not be able to say it after tonight, but then, when the Empty took him, he would not even be able to feel love for long.

She looked into his eyes for a long time and then said, "You're still wandering around in your head, aren't you?"

"Thought and contemplation come more easily than other things to an angel." he said.

"Come to bed." she said. taking his arm and leading him there. He let her lead him. She seemed far more at ease than he was and her human instincts were more in tune with the emotions of the situation.

He lay on the bed and she took off his shoes and socks. Her own feet were also naked, he realised.

"Do you like your feet to be touched?" she said.

"I don't know." he said, "Nobody has ever touched them."

She put her hand on his right foot and the reaction of his very human body with no angelic self-control was direct and powerful. "No!" he said, moving his foot from under her hand, "I don't like that. Sorry."

She gave him a look that suggested she knew he had liked it too much, but mercifully, she made no mention of it. "Some people like it, some people hate it." she said, "I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

It was all too awkward, too uneasy. He was making her feel bad without wanting to and he wanted this one night to be as pleasant for her as possible. He took her hand and said, "I wish I could be better at this. I wish lack of grace made me human enough to know how to handle this."

"Kissing has always worked." she said.

He put his arm around her and tentatively kissed her lips. That did work and in his underpowered state, there was no rush of angelic confusion and fire, but there was a depth and sweetness to his feelings that he had not noticed before. He continued to kiss her and she responded with her usual warmth and affection. For the first time since Jack had fallen ill, he felt safe and secure and as much at peace as he could with a loud metaphorical clock ticking away the hours of the night.

Soon, they were stretched out on the bed together, arms around each other, kissing each other tenderly. It felt natural and easy and right. Their bodies fitted naturally into a close embrace and between kisses, she whispered, "Castiel, I love you." He saw the ring on her hand as she raised her fingers to stroke his hair and he imagined how perfect it would be if they could stay together ... if the Empty had no claim on him.

It felt unfair and he knew he was stupid for feeling that way. After all that he had done, he deserved the pain of this loss. He deserved the Empty and he deserved losing her first. He had sinned and he would be punished and that was right, but how was it right that her faultless heart must break?

But that was more of his sin, that he had drawn her into his life, knowing he had no right to love. This, as much as all the rest the singed wings of his fellow angels, their deaths, their fall, was his crime.

Then, she broke off a passionate kiss and said, "My Cas, my angel." and he felt a quiver run through his flesh. Sin or not, he could not have helped loving her.

He heard her gasp and worried that he was holding her too tight, but before he could ask, she said, "Cas, your eyes just went a little glowy."

"You mean like angelic powers glowy?" he said.

"Yes," she said, "Does sex charge your batteries, Castiel?"

He thought about it. "I don't know." he said, "The only time I ever had sex, I was so underpowered there was no grace left, nothing to charge. I suppose it's possible."

"Maybe we should experiment." she said, "We could make love and get you angeled up in no time."

It was a tempting suggestion, but there were two good arguments against it. "Tonight, it would not be appropriate." he said, "And then, there is the risk of too much happiness."

"I'm good, but not, I think, good enough to trigger your deal." she said, "But if you're not ready, that's okay. What about a few of our special kisses?"

"I think that may trigger the deal. When you kiss me like that, it triggers all kinds of things. But I could kiss you."

"It's more fun when I can reciprocate." she said.

"We have one night. I don't want the Empty to rob us of even that." he said.

She stroked his cheek again. "It's your night. We'll do whatever you want."