It was just before dinner, when Rory was again united with her other kids, the whole point of keeping her distance having seemed more and more ridiculous as time passed and her boobs ached for actual suction besides the breast pump. It was funny how something physical like that made the mind miss Emma only so much more. And Celeste could see in Rory's face how needy she was for showing her affection to Finny as well once she did. Having a kid hadn't really been what Celeste had expected either, the dynamic between Evie and her had been much different in many ways than it was for Rory and her kids. Rory's kids had just happened - they'd just let them happen. Evie was the child she'd wanted for a long time, planned for and hoped for. And the fact that she was the only one, made her even more precious to her.
The firehouse's large main floor was built for entertaining dozens of people as its original function. Now that function had somewhat been altered as the place was full of children's laughter and babies giddy "eh"-s. The teenagers were involved in cultural immersion - Doula listening to G's stories and feeling a little envious of all the travelling G had done in her short life. There was a sharp contrast in living standards between them, and while Doula might not have seen it right then and there, G had also paid a high price for the wealth and travel, largely feeling very alone in the world most of the time. Unlike before, now there were plenty of adults around - Luke and Lorelai having arrived an hour earlier with Leo who was currently playing on his Nintendo console by the dinner table, clearly being a little curious about what G and Doula were talking about at the same time.
Lorelai was sitting on the floor with Rory, both of whom were observing the twins interact during their tummy time, some glittery rattles drawing their interest. With them it was never just about Rory missing any one of them, it was always the two of them missing each other as well, even if they didn't quite have the means to express it yet.
"So what are you going to do with the downstairs?" Rory asked Lorelai, having heard that they'd had a burst pipe incident in the morning.
"It's just wet and humid right now - Luke set up some heaters, but it looks like we might have to change the flooring if there's a lot of damage," Lorelai explained, retelling Luke's estimation of the problem. While Lorelai had nothing against renovations, she hated making the choices that came with it.
"So you'll, what, stay above the diner while Luke fixes it?" she asked.
"Yeah, probably. Or the Inn," Lorelai replied.
"You could probably ask Celeste to stay at the chief's house too if needed. Once I'm back in the city...I mean," Rory mentioned. She knew Celeste wouldn't mind - the house was there, empty and it was more like a home than the Inn or the one-bedroom above the diner. Surely, all involved would see it was a more convenient solution.
"Maybe," Lorelai replied, tickling Emma's cheek and then Leigh's, playfully. She always just assumed things like this sorted themselves out - if it came to it - they'd lived amongst construction before.
"How did the bottle feeding go?" Lorelai remembered suddenly to ask.
"She was a little reluctant at first, making this grumpy, 'what sorcery is this!?' face, but once she got the first mouthful in she drank it beautifully," G pitched in, hearing what she'd asked, knowing more about the actual feeding than Rory did. She'd sat right by Celeste when she'd tried feeding Emma, holding the wipe to clean up anything that missed her mouth, which was quite a lot. But at least in the end Emma had been content and seemed to have accepted the fact that mommy just wasn't there right now.
"Good, so now you have some flexibility at least," Lorelai commented.
"I guess," Rory replied a little hesitantly.
In the meanwhile Luke was downstairs helping Celeste with the food. They'd been the main cooking team at a lot of family events by now, either here in Stars Hollow or when they'd visited them in Brooklyn. And while their definition of healthy food wasn't identical, they got along very well in the kitchen.
"Can you get the chicken out of the oven?" Luke said to Celeste, while he was beginning to pour a large pot of egg noodles into the sieve. Celeste had made some roasted vegetables and oven-baked chicken tenders. It was safe to say the food looked delicious.
Celeste complied, appreciating the stainless steel countertop which gave her so much freedom in this kitchen to place things anywhere without worrying about burns or stains.
"You know," Luke began, stirring the vegetables into the same pot as the noodles were and added some lo mein sauce Celeste had made earlier. "I think I just need to tell you something - can you keep it to yourself or well you and Jess, I don't want this travelling very far?" he added, certainly raising Celete's interest.
"Sure, what is it?" Celeste asked while she used a pair of tongs to transfer the chicken into a bowl off the oven sheet, glancing at Luke in between motions.
"We're going to look into adopting Leo," he shared, sounding excited. He was happy for their decision to go for it, and he desperately felt like sharing it with someone. Lorelai had in no way objected, but was a little hesitant in getting her own hopes up, hence having decided not to tell Rory yet.
"Wow, that's cool. Did you talk to him about it?" Celeste asked.
"Yeah, and that's what he says he wants. But it's kind of amazing to hear something like that, you know," Luke replied, smilingly. It was more amazing than Jess returning to Stars Hollow after having run off to New York after one of their fights asking if he could come back. That too had been a pretty sweet moment, which Jess would certainly never admit to. But this felt better. Leo would be their kid and he was young and resilient - hopefully someone they could grow together with.
"That's great, I'm happy for you guys. It's like a birthday present for you," Celeste added, teasingly, Jess having reminded her about it being his birthday. Both of them knew that just wanting to adopt Leo wasn't enough, there were a lot of factors and eventually it was down to the court and social services. It was too early to really celebrate.
"Oh, not you too," Luke grumbled, already having hoped that nobody else besides Lorelai would remember it. But clearly his 'torture' was not through, and Luke was beginning to fear there'd be singing involved once they went back upstairs.
Celeste smiled, cheekily, and hugged him, saying 'happy birthday' quietly when she did. She certainly got Jess' appreciation of him - Luke was the very best kind of father figure, even for her.
It was just after dinner, when Lorelai was helping Luke clean up and Rory had said goodbye to G, who'd left with Hallam to ride back home to the City. Doula had also headed home, saying she had some homework to finish up.
The kids were watching Frozen, and Rory and Celeste were finally just sitting on the couch observing the kids. Even the babies were on the floor, quite happily entertaining each other by playing with some sensory cubes.
"I wonder if Finny and Evie will be friends when they're older," Celeste pondered quietly, every now and again liking to imagine what Evie would be like when she was older. With such a small age difference that almost seemed inevitable, but she knew friendships formed out of common interests and simply clicking as a person, not just from having spent a lot with someone.
"Whoknows, they might even want to date…," Rory chuckled quietly.
"Oh no, don't even go there," Celeste exclaimed. She didn't want her going there for a number of reasons - first of all there was just the simple fear of Evie ever dating anyone - G's adventures of the past few days clearly in mind which she'd promised to keep to herself. She might have been open minded, but she felt very protective of Evie nonetheless. But there was also the accompanied pressure that she didn't like. She would never pressure Evie into dating anyone who might have been 'suitable' or 'appropriate', even if the match that she wholeheartedly liked. She would never do that to her, like her parents had done to her. And she could sense that if people kept mentioning this to the kids from early on - how cute they looked together, how adorable of a couple they'd make - that alone would be more pressure than any child or teenager needed. Growing up was hard enough.
"Jess sort of sprung something on me today," Celeste began, changing the topic, not wanting to elaborate.
"Yeah?" she responded.
"December 6th is the opening. He said it on live radio this morning. I mean it's great publicity and he said he'd try to squeeze that information into the two other show's he's doing later in the month as well. But this means I have to pull this whole thing together - find some musicians, organize appetizers and drinks. Oh and I need to get the place cleaned and polished and finish stacking those books," Celeste added, sounding a little overwhelmed once she'd read through Jess' list that afternoon.
"Wow, it makes it so real, doesn't it?" Rory noted. "You think you can handle it?" she asked, meaning it more ways than simply the time constraint.
"I'll try - I mean, what choice do I have?" Celeste replied.
"You could always aske Lane to play," Rory suggested.
"I know, but I don't know - I kind of want something different - more topical to the place, you know," Celeste explained, her mind having already begun to imagine the feel the band needed to have.
"You know, Finn also knows a lot of musicians," Rory mentioned.
"That's an idea...," she replied, making a mental note. She'd been meaning to check in with Finn nonetheless, and this might just provide the convenient excuse.
"I'll probably try to make the appetizers myself, cleaning I could probably manage too - it's not that much work, though I have to say I've never washed windows before," Celeste admitted, going down the mental checklist, feeling a little silly for her lack of experience in some aspects. There were a lot of small things she was still a real rookie at.
"Why not hire in?" Rory asked, knowing that Celeste wouldn't mind her being a little blunt about it. Besides, this way she hoped to offer her a chance to tell her what was up with their financials. Maybe she could help?
"Well… you know when I went off my meds," she began, finding the topic a little difficult. "I kind of got a little sloppy with keeping track with my stocks. So what happened was… that I lost a chunk of it. My mistake - simple as that. And a lot of the rest went into renovating this," Celeste admitted, gesturing around the room. She'd be so wrapped up with her own mental health issues that she'd not paid enough attention to what was going on, having missed a major scandal at one of the companies she was a shareholder with losing almost all of their value. She used to read the Financial Times diligently, follow up on several blogs and forums to keep up - but she'd just dropped the ball, and it felt so difficult to catch up. Evie's trust fund was safe, and she really didn't like the idea of using any of it for her trading.
"That sucks," Rory replied. "How much did you lose?" Rory asked, quietly, unsure of the seriosity of the situton.
"60 k," she barely mouthed. It was painful to say it out loud. When she'd realized, she'd panicked quite badly but thankfully Jess had been home and after an hour of cursing herself and shock had managed to calm her down, reminding her that Jess had made ends meet by far less. And they would always have the option of selling the townhouse.
"Auch," Rory commented. She knew that it wasn't pretty cash for her, not anymore. And while it wasn't like the disaster Logan had once caused with the investor's money, it was still enough to rattle someone who'd worked hard for that money - even if that hard work had all happened on the computer screen and had been based on the family money she'd had at the time. "You know you can always ask…," Rory began, not really needing to finish her thought.
"Yeah, but I don't want to ask," Celeste shook her head. "We're not poor, we all work and we have our income from the townhouse, but I just want to be responsible with what we have," Celeste explained.
Rory got very well what she meant about not wanting to ask. Her mother had been the same all her life, and later in life, when she'd struggled to find jobs - she too had been pretty similar. She always had the option to go to her dad or grandmother for help, but she didn't like charity either.
"I get it, just - if it gets serious, maybe Logan and I could become a partners or something - it doesn't have to be in the form of a gift or a loan. Just keep it in mind, okay?" Rory assured.
"Thanks," she replied.
It was then Emma let out a loud wail. The girl had some pipes. She'd banged her head against the floor, having attempted to escape it, beginning make her first attempts at mobility, and was quite unhappy with the development. Rory pulled herself up from the couch, and heaved the baby to her chest beginning to sooth her. Emma tended to overreact, her screams often causing Leigh to also get upset, and it wasn't much different this time but thankfully Leigh settled for Celeste showing her a new toy. It was difficult to really talk when it wasn't just the two them in the room, there were always interruptions with the kids around.
"Hey, you think we might find some one on one time, just you and me while we're here?" Rory asked Celeste, as Emma had settled a little, recalling what Logan had asked her earlier. "When I am not dead tired, that is," Rory yawned involuntarily.
Celeste simply smiled - she hoped for that too.
The streets were largely empty, containing just a little traffic, an occasional bus and some late evening dog-walkers, as G rode into Manhattan. The LED lights made the streets look vibrant, almost hyperrealistic, and G almost wished she had her camera and could snap a few photos along the way. It never usually went walking in New York this late, again making her wish she was a little older, and braver.
The late evening ride enhanced the solitude, the quiet in the car. Hallam was never much for chatting while driving, liking to keep his concentration on the road. In some way it felt liberating, almost meditative. The weekend had provided a lot of resolution in many ways, she knew she was at the verge of a different beginning for herself. She wasn't over what had happened with Finn, far from it, but she had had plenty of distraction, both the good and the bad kind. But now, as Hallam approached their street, driving down W16th Street, she knew that she was very soon going to have to deal with her emotions all by herself. The familiar street looked even more peaceful in comparison of the streets they'd passed before, many of the houses lit up fully by people inside enjoying their Sunday evening, their house waiting for her pitch black.
Hallam was unable to find a parking spot out front, but instead of circling around, G just said, "I'll just get off here, I only have one bag." It wasn't like there was a lot of traffic.
G appreciated Hallam waiting around until she got through the door, locking it after her, then continuing to disarm the security system and set the alarm on the doors and windows instead. While she'd been home alone plenty of times, she was in fact home alone for the very first time in this house at night. The place felt a little eerie frankly.
She climbed the stairs, not risking the elevator being here all by herself. It was quite a climb, but she was used to it. The elevator also painfully reminded her of Finn, the tiny emergency kit inside making her want to smile at his creativity in making something so positive out of a horribly scary situation. Just the thought of it painfully reminded her of the loss - even if it was just the loss of a friendship.
G pushed the doors leading to her apartment open and switched of the lights, having until now relied on the automated stairway lighting. She'd been so excited to get a place of her own - as much as this could be considered that, and the fancy interior had felt like a dream come true, no matter of superficial. But now - it didn't make her as happy as she would've hoped.
She pulled out her phone, texting Rory that she'd arrived, as they'd agreed. She also noted a text from her dad, asking how her weekend had been. She replied something fairly nondescript quickly, not feeling much like talking to him, adding that she was tired and was going to bed. The 13 hours time difference usually meant that at least one of them was tired, making it quite challenging to interact frequently. Her mom and her had more of an low-frequency e-mail relationship, usually taking a good few hours to write a reply. But what they wrote about wasn't so much about their day-to-day, it was about what they read, listened to or simply the life's philosophy - it was their style, but whenever they talked about the real things Sherry always came off like she was trying too hard.
G threw herself onto her bed. At least her own bed always felt good. She sighed, feeling the sorrow deep within her. She was grieving, but she she needed to figure out a way forward. But it was almost like the obligatory torture of the soul - scrolling through Finn's old messages like she found herself doing a minute later.
God - how she just missed talking to him.
Before she realized what she was doing she'd already typed it.
"I wish we could still be friends," it said, wanting to add that she missed him, but didn't.
She was just about to retract it, but her finger slipped, pressing send.
This was so like her - acting before thinking things through.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, " she muttered. "Sorry, " she texted after a brief pause, feeling only relieved he hadn't read it right away. "I shouldn't have..," she added, panicking. "Just block me or something," she continued, feeling like angry at herself, reaching the texting equivalent of blabbering by now. "I'm sorry," she added. It was bad enough that she'd insisted on calling him the other night and admitting to having feelings for him. Now she was just making a fool of herself. Again. She was clingy. She was bargaining. She wasn't doing herself any favors.
She groaned audibly, and burrowed her head in her pillow.
She then took a deep breath. There was nothing to be done. She turned her phone to no-disturb mode, preparing herself to attempt to stay strong and not glance at the conversation again for the rest of the night.