CHAPTER 86:

It's a long story

Jay had been pacing the room before Kai walked in. He'd been so tense, thinking upside-down about all the things he'd say, imagining Kai's reaction and therefore trying to pick the best way to phrase everything… But all his concentration had vanished when the monarch threw his clothes onto the couch and disappeared through the bathroom door.

After thinking it thoroughly, Jay reassured himself that Kai just hadn't noticed him, the monarch was just as busy as always. But as the boy had come out minutes later, zeroed in on Jay, and then ignored him again to sit in front of the vanity, Jay had gotten worried. He'd expected many reactions from Kai, but none like that one.

For a moment, Jay had considered to exit the room and ask the guys for help, concerned that he'd hurt the Maharaja to levels he wouldn't be able to fix ever in all of his lifetimes, but that would be what he'd always done; admitting defeat before he even tried.

Kai's breakdown as they locked eyes again in the mirror left Jay speechless. How could the sovereign be kicking him out without at least one chance to talk? Had Edna's sixth sense failed?

And then it hit Jay.

"Get out of my head, please…"

He'd covered his mouth to suppress a gasp. Kai had thought Jay was a figment of his imagination. Oh, Gods! He'd never thought things would have been that bad!

The boy went on, crying rivers, and Jay couldn't get himself to stop him. He had many things to tell Kai —really important matters— but so did the Maharaja.

"I truly loved you, and I still do! You weren't just a whim to me…"

Sweet Brahma! Jay was having enormous trouble holding back the tears that burned his eyes. Kai was coming clean to him —to a hallucination! It was obviously important to him to voice what he'd never told Jay.

Only after the boy seemed to lose his strength did Jay manage to break out of his trance.

"Your feelings aren't bullshit," he'd said.

The way Kai then had pulled away from him, averting his eyes, shaking his head vehemently, only confirmed Jay's theory that Kai couldn't believe he was there in the flesh.

Jay had gotten desperate, he couldn't lose Kai. Not again. He couldn't give up after all he'd gone through —after all they had gone through.

He'd pulled Kai's face up and forced him to stare into his eyes, hoping, praying that whatever thing his orbs gave off would strike Kai genuine and convince him.

And it worked.

"... Jay?"

The pain, but also the weak hope in that whisper had grabbed at Jay's heart.

"I'm back." He'd nodded, crying from happiness that Kai was finally acknowledging him.

When Kai threw his arms around Jay, the boy almost lost his balance, but he did an extra effort to stay upright. Kai's hands gripped the clothes on his back as the monarch cried his name out loud and buried his wet face in Jay's neck.

Jay could only reciprocate, his voice still not as loud as the other boy, but his fingers dug into Kai's back as he sobbed onto him. His heart swelled so fast that Jay thought it would explode inside his chest for real. There was no other way to describe the feeling of holding Kai so close other than utter happiness. Weeks ago, he'd feared he'd never see the king again, and now they were reunited finally.

Kai's ruined face pulled mere inches away, the boy tried to speak but his emotions were getting the best of him. Jay cupped his cheeks and had Kai rest his unsteady hands on him as their foreheads touched. After a few series of gasps, hiccups, and snorts, Kai managed to let out some words.

"What are you doing here?... Why are you..? H-How did you…?"

Jay shushed him as Kai's whole body trembled alarmingly, he couldn't have Kai passing out from hyperventilation at that right moment, first Jay needed to…

Oh, no!

The speech he'd been preparing had vanished into thin air as soon as he'd found himself in Kai's arms. Jay wrecked his brain to re-do it again, only finding bits and pieces scattered through the complexity of his mind. His only option was to improvise.

Jay licked his suddenly dry lips and prayed for the best.

"I… I missed you." He made sure to readjust his hold on Kai, both for the Maharaja and his own stability. "I couldn't go a day without thinking about you or the guys, I just… My mind wouldn't stop screaming at me. I needed to see you again."

Jay wiped some tears out of Kai's eyes with his thumbs. The monarch pushed his face back against Jay's neck, holding onto him for dear life as he started a new fit of sobs.

"I've missed you too... so damn much."

Jay wrapped his arms around Kai, his nose instinctively rubbing against the Maharaja's mahogany hair, inhaling his royal scent. Jay couldn't believe the jumps and twists his stomach did at that smell. The clothes Kai had gifted the Walkers had been a decent substitute for a while, but nothing compared to the real source of that exquisite aroma. It made Jay want to stop Time and just stay like that forever, locked in a heartfelt embrace with the object of his desire.

But he had things to do, or better yet —things to say.

"There's… there's something else too."

When their eyes met again, Jay started to sweat. He'd only been this close to Kai one time, the night where the young king had lowered his walls and spiritually stripped naked in front of Jay —a night he'd probably ruined due to his internalized homophobia. The memory was still strong in his mind though, and the jitters it ignited were messing up Jay's ability to form sentences, not to mention the anticipation of what he was about to do as well. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and concentrated.

"I had to come back because… I needed to tell you something." Jay tried to get back on track. "W-When you left… I was so confused. I couldn't stop thinking about you; what were you doing, how was everything going around here… I was so distracted I couldn't work properly! All my thoughts always brought me back to you one way or another and I didn't even know why…"

Kai was intently looking at him, eyes glossy and obviously tired from going through so many emotions, but still doing their best to keep their focus on the other boy's nervous blabber.

You're stalling, Jay told himself. Stop being a scaredy-cat and say what you've come to say —what you've risked your life for.

Easier said than done...

Jay's breath quickened as the moment of truth finally manifested. Kai had just assured him there were still feelings on his side, Jay had nothing to worry about in that sense, yet he couldn't shake the excitement off his veins. It would be the first time he said that to a boy.

"Kai, I…" He stuttered. "I love you." The three words rolled out of his lips before Jay could even start to regret them.

The Maharaja's perfect eyes widened immediately, but other than that… he didn't move an inch. It was almost like he'd turned into stone. He stared back at Jay, frozen and flabbergasted.

Jay swallowed a thick lump in his throat, his brain wasted no time wondering why Kai wasn't saying anything, or even reacting at all, and so Jay resolved to fix the situation with the thing he did best in the world; talking.

"I- I still don't get it! A part of me says it m-makes no sense, but the other says there's no other explanation to what I feel! So I- I must have fallen in love with you if all I want is to be next to you and… and for you to hold me in your arms while-"

His lips got covered in warmth without a warning. Kai was kissing him, pressing his mouth against Jay with force as his weakened fingers threaded through the ginger locks on his nape. It took Jay by surprise, so much that he needed a long moment to respond, but eventually, he started pushing back against Kai's lips. His hands flattened on the monarch's chest, wanting nothing more than to curl up behind his neck and bring Kai even closer, but being too nervous and scared to screw up. He'd never kissed someone that way.

The Maharaja pulled away and struggled to regain control over his respiration, once again tears were staining his face.

"S-Sorry, I couldn't help myself," Kai apologized as he rubbed a sleeve all over his face nervously.

Jay was too dazed to even care, the kiss still fresh on his lips, sparking off every inch of his skin. The kiss had been short-lived, but the thrill ran thick through Jay's veins yet, making him yearn for another dose.

"It's alright…" He reassured Kai with a tiny whisper, Kai though stared hesitant at Jay for a beat longer before he obviously gathered up the courage to lean in and connect their lips again. This time, Jay did reciprocate the monarch's affection right away to the best of his abilities.

Their arms went around each other, wrapping tightly like a second skin, none of the two boys wanting to break the trance they were sharing under any circumstances. Kai's lips felt so soft against Jay's, they brushed and pressed with an astonishing mix of passion and tenderness that was taking the boy's breath away. The subconscious fear of not having enough experience to be a good kisser was completely forgotten, Jay could only focus on how delicious Kai tasted. Who would have thought that kissing a guy could feel this sweet and addictive?

Pants and low-key moans were exchanged during the flashing moments when they pulled away to breathe. Kai's kisses grew a fraction hungrier within minutes, pushing with more force against Jay's body, grabbing at the boy's lower lip with his teeth. Unbothered by the increasing temperature around them, Jay didn't try to stop Kai. There was no trace of his homophobic past self, actually that moment they were sharing only convinced Jay that this was how he wanted to spend the rest of his days.

They were deep in their passion when they fell on the bed as a result of the overwhelming sensations. Jay yelped as they landed on the mattress with Kai pressing on a particular spot on his side along with the fall. The Maharaja quickly moved away, face painted with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jay repositioned himself and hugged his aching rib. "Just don't squeeze too hard."

Kai stared at him. "Are you hurt?" He asked, confused.

"Uhm… something like that," Jay mumbled.

Kai's hand snaked towards Jay's on his torso and laced their fingers together, careful not to trigger any painful reaction a second time.

"What happened?"

The softness in which he asked that, combined with the worry in his eyes, made Jay's heart flutter —something he'd felt dozens of times during his previous stay in the palace, but he hadn't known how to decipher at that time.

The gingerhead reached a hand up to Kai's heated face and caressed his cheek.

"It's a long story." Jay sighed.