What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."
Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar...
Part LXXXVI…
"Hey." Curt nod to camera. "I want you fellas to know I'm only allowing this at the request of our sainted leader's best friend and his daughter. And only I am to be photographed here…At our new secret…"sigh as he realizes camera has caught the address.
"Our temporary new location…"
Stare as director notes their past encounters with the Hunter team, questioning the need for secrecy…
"Fine, right…But then we were just trying to test Guillermo and keep him at ease. Everyone photographed then was a volunteer…And a crack member of my team."
Sound of crossbow firing and striking wall next to the surprisingly lively figure of the presumed dead Derek. He letting out squeal of fright, jumping aside.
"Oh, shit…Sorry." Squeaky voice. Shanice, the former roommate of the late and Undead Jenna, dropping crossbow.
"Ok, and a few somewhat expendable trainees…" Claude sighs. "However it's non-negotiable that Derek's survival remains a secret."
Derek waving cheerily at camera.
"Jesus, c'mon, man…I'll need that shot erased." Claude, shaking head.
"No, of course Derek's not important…No, I don't mean that, Der…" As Derek looks over, a bit nonplused…
"We have our reasons, ok? Just lets be cool here." Claude tells camera. "Ok? We're good? Great."
He settles into chair…Interestingly a swivel not unlike Simon's…
"So, you want to know why we are taking an interest in the Cravensworth-Relentless community? And why our greatest ally, the one and only Dracula…Say his name with respect for the man who won his soul back, y'all…" firm nod.
"Dracula!" Several team members, plus Tonya, the blonde young team member who'd encountered Guillermo and joined in his test assault, cheering…Shanice, a bit uncertain…Still not quite yet used to the notion of the famed Dracula as a hero…And Derek, somewhat miffed, though at Claude's previous urging to conceal his past as William the Bloody, killer vampire/William Soames Walthrop, husband to the Slayer, trying not to show his slight annoyance.
Not the only vamp hero, you know, people…Nor the only vamp who won soul back.
"Well, details you can't have right now, but lets just say…These vamps are special. They have a chance, a shot, to do what needs to be done…And most important…" Claude, sternly. "They've won that shot themselves, if they can seize it, with our help. We're not here to kill them, whatever they think…This is a rescue effort."
"I think you'll find us a bit more capable then we seemed the other night…That was to force Guillermo to use his instinctive skills…" nod.
"Well, ok…" shrug… "We were a bit surprised by that group. Word on the street was they were mostly just human familiars of the twin girls. Guess they must've got lonely and turned em."
"But De la Cruz stepped up and proved himself a true Van Helsing." Firm nod.
You might mention I wasn't quite the total nerf herder, Angel…Derek, remembering his unseen part of the evening...
Cut to shot of Derek stumbling into a trio of vamps dressed as a pleasant if rather Bradyish family…Attractive thirtiesish mom type in rather 80s pants suit, teenaged reasonably handsome son in 70s bell bottoms, Michael Grosish slightly greying late fortiesish, father type. All smiling pleasantly before showing fangs…
"A guest…Welcome." The "father", adjusting spectacles perched on noses. "Some folks might take this visit as trespassing, you know but we're not that kind of folks."
"We'd love to have you and your friends over for dinner…" the "mom" beams.
"Screw you, you…" racial epithet… The "teenager" sneers. "You have him, I'm going for the white meat." Gives mock look of fright as Derek nervously shows stake, the others a bit more cautious.
"Oh, look…The boy has a…" dusting, the stake clattering to ground, kicked away by the "mom".
"Thanks…Please don't think that Greg's sentiments reflect ours. That punk was an asshole." The "father" nods appreciatively. "Die now." Lunging at him.
"Welcome to our family…We really have no prejudices." the "mom" grabbing at him.
"Wait?" she blinks.
"William?" staring as he rams her back…Tossing the "father" back as well.
"Now, now…" the "father" wagging a finger. "You were the one who disturbed our rest. Who's 'William'?" turning to "mom" who'd nervously backed away.
"No, my name's Derek, love." Derek, blinking at his sudden British accent.
"William the Bloody…" "mom" gasps. "You're…Not Undead?"
"Who?" "dad" stares. "You know this guy?"
"We dated." Nod.
"Did we?" Derek, back to normal tone.
"You were blonde and shorter…" she notes. "And Dead…Undead…"
"Lets settle for Dead…" "dad" lunges, Derek dodging him with graceful ease.
"William, when did you reincarnate?" the "mom" asks, curious.
"When did I what?" he blinks.
"You know Dracula took out your old girl…?" she begins, as the now somewhat annoyed "father" attacks again…Several other vamps in 70s and 80s style clothing entering from another room. "Mom" keeping her distance.
"My girl?" Derek blinks. But sends "dad" flying with a hard stomach kick.
"Turns out Dru was his wife's counterpart all the time…" shake of head. "It's me…Harmony…" "mom" notes, friendly smile. "Say, was that Angel, the big guy Rolf was spinning round downstairs till that other Hunter took him out? How's he been?"
"Who?" Derek blinks.
"What's going on here?" a small male child of rather vicious appearance, but about nine or ten by his looks, eyes Derek. "Did we have Hunters violate our rest?" Nervous look about… "Is She here?"
"Nah…And they've fled but for Will here…" Harmony notes, with smile. "Guys, this is William the Bloody, my old boyfriend…Well, we did date at least…" fond look. "Kill him…"
Mass attack by the group, Derek leaping to dodge, grabbing up stake and striking left and right…
"You bastard!" the "child" rages at the heaps of dust about him now. "Harmony?! Finish him!"
"Don't be a fool, girl…" Derek, again in British accent, holding stake. "Get out now, for old times' sake."
"Aww…Will. Thanks. Enjoy your resurrection, you foolish silly mortal." Harmony, beaming, raced back to crash through a rear window to the ground.
"Bitch!" the "child" cried…Spinning back to face Derek's stake. "No! I am the Anointed…" he begins…
"Yeah…You always were the Annoying One, kid…" Derek, staking.
"Wow…" he stares, accent gone.
"Derek!" a hiss from the stairs, Claude's voice. "We gotta go. Now!"
Derek hurrying back and down, dusting two vamps attacking from bedrooms…Racing down to confront Claude with stake…
"No, it's ok…" Claude, raising crucifix. "I'm still Claude."
"Fitting…And still a clod, Angel." Derek, smiling.
Claude frowning…Shaking head.
"Finally…You took your time, Will."
…
"That's really all I can or will tell you right now." Claude eyes camera. "You know Van Helsing's alerted us to the Redemptive state of your friends. This being a once in a lifetime…Though several times allowed in an existence…Opportunity, we had to act. You know Dracula is involved, and yes it does matter that Nandor the Relentless is his old pal and frienemy. A bit of Jacob Marley there, yeah…" he smiles at a comment from one of the crew. "And you know his daughter the Slayer is backing us up. Though the main job belongs to our Abraham's descendant, Guillermo De la Cruz, Master Vampire Hunter. Why? Well, I think you've guessed. It's gotta to be someone who cares…Which, yes, makes it all the more dangerous. And yes, we have enemies at work trying to stop our effort. Among them, Simon Devious, killer vampire, Manhattan entrepreneur, all-around son-of-a-bitch…And yes, winner of the heart of our finest Hunteress, a descendant of Van Helsing herself, and a rather fine actress/singer, Lesley Ciara Van Helsing. Well…" shrug at question. "Personally I think it's his gift of gab…Heck, it worked with our Slayer in her last time here before Althea showed. There was one in particular, William the Bloody? One badass dude, truly…" grin to Derek who gave wry sidelong glance.
"Though he did happen to be her husband from her life before…Long story but…Oh, you heard about Cicely. Good. Well, William's gift with the patter kept Elisabeth from killing him for years till she learned who he was, really. What?"
"Yeah, the same fellow on TV…But…Don't believe everything you see on 'Buffy'. I mean that Angel guy was real and he did have a little 'time' with Elisabeth after he got cursed with a soul but we…They never got serious. And he reverted for a bit to Angelus because her Watcher lifted his curse by accident. Guess her nephew the Whedon boy didn't think that was romantic enough." Frown. "Nice girl but she never really did it for me…Though I admired her enormously, really."
Oh…Yeah…Well…Slight shrug…
"I mean what I've seen and read of her, naturally."
Oh, that's right…Derek ponders. He never called her back after two dates…And it had nothing to do with "Angelus" returning, though later he tried to claim that.
…
The "mom", Harmony…Held off by crucifixes but quite willing to talk a bit, though pleased by an offer of several blood plasma bags…Facing camera in side-street not far from the vamp house.
Always nice when people offer something to eat…Common courtesies do matter.
"So, you really document us? I mean a bunch of us Undead peoples? Nice. I'd heard something about a modern film about us but I figured it must be fictional 'cause it was set in some place called New Zealand. I mean is that another planet or what? Anyway I think we deserve it, our Unlives are pretty special." Nod… "So, who…?" stare… "Oh, those guys? In the big place two miles back? With the Gypsy girl? Them, huh?" sidelong glance away. "Well…I mean, no offense…" sheepish wave of hands. "I just think they're not exactly the most interesting Unpeople I've ever met…Really, no offense…I'm sure they're wonderful people…In their way."
Hmmn? "Oh, once at an orgy at their place…Sam, the guy Will killed back in the house, the one who looked like Michael Gros from 'Family Ties'? Yeah. He took me…" Ummn…
"Not the most successful orgy I've ever attended…" shrug.
"Oh, sure…I was that Harmony, the one on 'Buffy'…Only you should know it was the late 50s and I wasn't that kind of a girl, though my TV counterpart wasn't a slut, you know. She only got together with guys in a serious way after she was turned. Which is pretty much the truth… Also, I got pretty good grades, especially in Home Economics and English? This blonde bimbo stereotype stuff can be a little offensive at times, you know." Slight sniff. "But at least they didn't make 'Buffy' out to be a supergenius and me the dumb broad. You know, actually, we were rather close at school, Elisabeth and me." Fond tone. "Oh, no, quite by chance after Dracula killed poor ole Dru…Or 'gave her peace' as you people say." Roll of eyes… "And I felt it was best to head out of Cleveland…You know that's actually where…Oh, you heard." Nod. "Well, Angelus had lost his place again to Angel who'd then gone to Boston to fight some nasty dudes who liked to turn kids…Something I object to…" Solemn look. "Then dusted in a fight with the local Vampiric Council. No, not really…Not to save the world perse. More about parking spaces. I think they didn't like shoving snow and they'd spent a long time doing theirs when he grabbed it one near-dawn while racing after the bad dudes on their way to seek allies. Will, dead in Cleveland , fighting with Elisabeth…With as in, beside her, not against her, you know? And of course they'd learned they'd been married and he'd got all 'Redemptiony' like Dracula and won his soul back. No, in Reno, Nevada, not Africa. It was some kind of a thing with the Catholic Church, I think. He doesn't tell about their Vatican Bank deals with the Mob, they stamp his Redemption ticket, something like that. Angel once told me he was innocent anyway, murdered by some guy to get him away from the Slayer and they've never stopped seeking each other. I guess it was Love, then." Slight look of despair. "What? No…No way would you ever catch me on that train." Another eye roll…Puh…Lease… "Though I always did like New York. Always thought I'd make a great actress. I even did a community theater thing here on Staten, just a couple of years ago. 'Pippin', I wasn't bad." Smile.
"And here they are, my ole pals…Well, Undead they were. I mean, we dated a little. Though Angelus got all brooding and mopey after he was cursed again and Will was always looking for his wife, really, even though he denied it then. It's nice I guess…the 'Love Never Dies' thing…Vlad Dracula and his wife, William…And the Slayer…" slight grimace.
Guess it happens in the best of vampiral clans…
"Oh, Will nailed Colin, the little Anointed One? Well, they never got on and Colin always was a bit of a prick, so pompous about his title. Which really meant nothing except the guy who sired him dosed him in virgin olive oil before he was going to eat him but then Garth the Vampire who has this thing about protecting babies and kids? Oh, you know him? What? Redeemed? Whoa…" she stared. "But not all that unexpected…He was pretty stinkin' with the Humanity."
"I suppose he got the Defiler devamped as well? They were together in the Council prison here quite a while. You don't know? Well, I'd bet he did. She may have Defiled a lot but she was not much for killing human. I think she much preferred defiling them and eating cows or rats or something. Eehew…Not that I judge anyone, except my food when I'm kidding around with them before I eat them. Oh, you know…" shrug. "I pretend to be a former judge or TV judge and pass sentence on their lives, before I kill them. It kills the time and gets them worked up. I think I even let one or two go, just to give the others some false hope." Nods.
"And hope's what you gotta have, right?" slight downcast look. "It must be nice to have someone believe in you and your chance at the Redemption wheel. Not that I'd ever…Just it must be nice. Say?" she blinks. "If Will is back as that cute black kid, then maybe Elisabeth…Do you know? She must be back, she'd never let him wander about alone. Very jealous type, really. You sure you don't know?" stare…Sigh… "Well…If you ever do meet her, tell her Harmony says hi and hopes she's had a nice life or two after she abandoned me to my fate. Hmmn…Guess I gotta find a new home, again. As well as a new clan…" shrug. "Shame, it was a nice group of guys. Really wouldn't have thought the Hunters would target us, we were pretty peaceable as vamps go." Shakes head. "Well, I sure hope Angel and Will thought killing my whole clan was worth it…Was somebody plotting mass murder or something and didn't tell me?"
…
New York City, Wall Street…
Guillermo in suit seated on couch in outer hall of one of NYC's highest-rated financial management firms…
Susan in suit beside him to his right, Phyllis to his left…
A receptionist eyeing the group a bit sourly from her desk…
Another fat playboy with his dames and his entourage…Look at those cameras.
Some dictator's or cartel boss' dimwitted son no doubt. Those these two look a little outta his league, a bit classier than the usual, I'll give em that.
"Ok, well…" Guillermo addresses camera. "It's the 26th and the big reception is tomorrow night. At the…My Boss the powerful Romanian business guy, Mr. Relentless' urging, along with Susan and Phyllis here…" Both beaming…
"His assistant…" Phyllis noted solemnly. "And fiancée…" smile to Sue who gave grateful look back.
"Well, anyway…" Guillermo, nervously… "They all suggested I speak with a good wealth management firm here in Manhattan so long as we had to come through on our way to Staten Island and this is one of the best, the ladies and Colin Robinson, say. And they seemed pretty throughout. But that's done and we'll be headed home, to help out with what's left to set up. Though the other ladies seem to have everything in hand."
"Meaning we have the rest of the day and evening to paint the City red…Figuratively." Susan beams.
"While I'd best be getting home and see what damage Greg's done to the house trying to cook and to my bank account." Phyllis notes.
"Oh…Stay, Phyl." Susan urges. "We want you to…Right, Gui?"
"Oh, yes…"
Definitely, absolutely…Guillermo thinks. Anything to keep Sue from going too far with this fiancée thing.
"Three's a crowd, guys." Phyllis wanly. "But I'll see you on the little island in the big house."
"I really want you to stay, Phyl. Sue does too…"
"Please…" Susan nods. Comic whisper… "Gui's scared to be alone with me just yet."
"It's an order, Phyl." Guillermo notes, firmly as he can.
"Well…If you're sure…Boss." Phyl, just a bit eager underneath her resignation.
Really was ready to throw in the towel, guys…Within the limits of whatever relationship Gui would want.
"Yeah…Lets let Gui finish playing the megawealthy type and see what's what to see today." Susan suggests. "We'll be right over there, Gui, when you finish."
"Oh, ok…" he nods. Watching as they head over.
"Well, that's really about it for now. We parted company with Dr. Acura in Mexico just before we left and things seem ready for the big reception/dinner…Human dinner…For not on humans I mean…Tomorrow. It should be nice, the ladies say our guys are going all out. Lazslo's got a tux, if you can believe it. Nadja's been fitted for a gown. And of course my…Boss…" he eyes passersby quickly. "Has got his uniform all cleaned and ready. That outta be something. And to see him with Dra…Dr. Acura. And his daughter…" pause. "I'm sure it will be a nice evening…We'll get to meet Dr. Chu, Jen's husband and their daughter…Ginny's bringing her daughters…" Slight nervous twitch.
"It'll be fine…No problems I'm sure…"
"Oh, Mr. De la Cruz!" a distinguished-looking man had hurried out from the inner office. "We've one last document for you to sign." Waving paper in hand.
"Oh, thanks…" Guillermo nods.
"Initial here, sign there." The gentleman indicated on the paper now spread before Guillermo on table.
"You really sure about my staying round?" Phyllis hisses to Susan as they watch.
Lots of zeroes on that one…Susan notes with wry smile.
"Yeah…I can see he's gonna panic any time we're alone till we get him home. Besides, this is Devious' country and you never know." Shrug. "I might need some extra support…"
"Ok. I won't make trouble, honest. Just let me help."
"Defending him sure…Anything else, I'll gut ya." Susan, smiling.
"Fair enough…"
…
"Well…Here I am, back in the journalism business…Samantha Jenkins, pleased to meet ya." Samarta in modern clothes, brown hair neatly brushed with comb, seated among the camera crew. "It really was my legal name about thirty years ago before I had to change. It allowed me to pass myself off sometimes as 'Sam Jenkins' which in my earlier reporting days was crucial for a byline. Well, I've cast my lot with you boys and girls and hope for the best…" pausing to suck on a straw inserted into a bag of blood plasma. "…While covering what I intend will be the story of several lifetimes. The rescue of those guys on Staten, the defeat of Simon Devious and other Evil working against this Redemption, and my own return to Humanity…Not bad for an old lady of 1631 years more or less." Beam.
"Of course the little matter of my said return awaits a talk with the Vampire Hunter Corps but by all accounts they're happy to save any vamp asking for Redemption…And should be especially open to the idea in exchange for help regards Simon's plans and retrieving Ms. Ciara Van Helsing." Eyeing interviewer behind camera as he puts a question…
"As much as any vampire without a spouse or kid in the world or afterlife laboring to help them…" she shrugs. "Maybe my motivations aren't as romantic as some but they're as sincere. If a guy like Vlad Dracula or William the Bloody can kill thousands and win redemption for loving a wife…And a few self-sacrificing, world-saving acts…And The Beguiler can do it on his dustbed, repenting sincerely in his last moments…I, who've avoided mass killings and always tried to be a factual and honest reporter since I first sent my accounts of captured Rome back to my dad's war council, outta be able to win a few points for the sincerity of my wanting to continue my career and willingness to help save the other folks. If more comes along the way, great." She beams. "I'm open to the idea of a nice spouse…Of whatever gender…And kids."
She nods at the next question…
"And give up Immortality? To have just a few years in the sun again? It's a great question. And the answer is…I've seen 1611 or so years of this 'Immortality' and here I am, kicked around by every petty little vamp prince 'cause I can't keep a real job more than thirty or forty years at best. Drinking blood of people, animals, bugs occasionally…Not really as bad as it might sound but after 1600 years? A little boring. Besides…" wan smile. "I've seen the Redeemed, like Dracula…And the peace they've won. And I've seen proof that you, you little mortal meatboxes…" raising a hand… "No offense, I really do love you guys, in my way…Really do have an Immortality that makes my existence look like shit. I want a crack at that…And maybe I'm not a Romantic like these Draculas or Cravensworths or that Nandor…A rather sweet guy, really…" smile. "But I know a good story when I see it and I know a good thing when it charges over me…So, I'm askin' my own kind, my colleagues, you guys. Help me out, fellas. Just let me have a shot to prove myself and convince these Hunters that I mean what I say. You won't regret it, I swear. And if I am lying, they'll do a neat job of sending me to Hell, so…?" wan shrug.
"And maybe I wanna a chance to see my Dad's face again…And my Ma's, telling me she knows I didn't mean to kill her."