What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."
Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar...
Part LXXXVII…
"I can't believe the ingratitude with which I am surrounded…" a peevish Simon notes from his swivel chair in the former "fancy room" of the renamed Castle Devious. Already a number of rugs pulled and repainting…Black, paint it all Black! Simon had responded earlier that day to the painter crew captain's query.
Well…Belay that…On reflection, Simon had mused. "A nice shade of gold here, mauve here…Blue in my bedroom…That royal blue I like, you know? The stairway there that nice crimson you boys did in my club restoration? But that crypt…Lazslo's crypt!…Er, that big room below with the dark spots that look like coffins had once been there? Paint that black, all black!" to crew chief.
"Oh, yes…Coal black, not night black…Make it look dirty…Filthy…Not sleek and shiny. No, Laszlo, no…Your room will be an Unliving Testament to your filth and bad faith. Thanks, fellas. You guys are the best." He'd beamed.
Sigh in present…Swiveling in chair a bit…
"First…Carol leaves me, for redder pastures no doubt…"
Not what my sources tell me…Todd reflects. And those big-eared vamp assassins are pretty good at hearing death screams.
"Now…Samarta the Goth…Betrays me to that documentary crew. Though very nice fellas, all, really. I so admire their artistic dedication to the project…"
"At least she didn't run to the Cravensworths or the Hunters…" Lesley, videographing from the side, notes.
"Oh…This is even worse in its way. She forsakes me…For her career." Simon, fuming.
"And now those guys know Colin Robinson is involved with you…" Lesley, hastily seeking to avoid that subject. "If they should talk…"
"The one thing that would raise my spirits…To see Robinson torn to pieces by the old gang or staked, then fried…You really have to fry a daywalker to finish him…Like that poor Martian or whatever he was in that sci-fi movie?" Simon beams for an instant.
The 50s flick? Plant-man vampire invaders…? Personally, I found it just a bit offensive…Todd, sniffing.
"You don't think it would…" Lesley shrugs as the others in the room…Rappula, Todd, Raymond, formerly incapacitated by bad back, vamp…The Shriek Sisters…The somewhat reserved Harris, still not fully in on the plan…After all, Neal and Patrick had turned thumbs down. All frown.
Ruin the plan? Of course, it ruins the plan…And opens us up to attack if the Hunters find out. The one thing worthwhile about the Plan being we were just gonna watch and lick up the human remains…
"Ruin my plan? Why should it? People…" Simon sits upright, looking around. "Such long faces…Even if these humans break their oath to remain impartial and objective…And that's so wrong to assume in such dedicated artists. And I should hope Samarta maintains at least her journalistic standards, if not her loyalty to friends of long-standing. Having our erstwhile allies and my dear old friends and especially their devoted minion slave girls know Robinson is a traitor, out to betray them, doesn't change all that much. Nandor and his pals know I want them Unlive Essences and thus condemned to Hell one day…The Hunters suspect I'm opposing them in secret. If they focus on Robinson…And these daywalkers are tough to kill, I'll grant the little creeps that…It can only divert them from us and increase the danger to the little human minions, the true essential piece here."
"They've all sworn, much as they can, to protect them, Simon…" Lesley notes.
"And therein lies the trap…" Simon beams. "No vampire worthy of Redemption would betray such a trust…But my old pals will. I have faith in their miserable, cowardly essences. Push comes to shove against a stake, they'll abandon their pets and run, dooming themselves forever. Aha, ha, ha, ah, ah…" Coughs… "Sorry…"
"But if the Hunters have proof we violated our arrangement with them…" Rappula, grimly. No rhyme this time, fool. This be Unlife or Eternal Death.
Plus my chance with the Slayer girl and to rule as the new Augustus of Europe…
I was Emperor once, after all, till I got poisoned by my own sons, then turned in York, in the 200s…
Yes, that African emperor was in fact, part black…Nods.
And Europe needs me again, a soldier Imperator, to restore Order…That Brexit thing is crazy, man.
I blame Afanas' weakening grip…Man should have retired decades ago. Me, I'd have eaten that Putin jerk in the 2000s, along with Farage and Johnson and put the Union's house in order.
"Eh…Hunters." Simon waves a hand. "So, if they hear anything I'll tell them I was luring Robinson in to…"
"In to what? Hey, guys. You know really should remember to turn that alarm system on." Colin in beige coat, cap, beams as he enters the room. "Doesn't do any good if you don't, though I know there are anecdotal claims that just the notice of the system on your lawn or in a window is a deterrent. But the stats say no…"
The group eyeing him…
"Just had a few last things I wanted to pick up, including my old bed if Ray is finished with it?" pleasantly, nodding to Ray who nods back...
Big help, thanks for the loaner…
"And, of course wanted to see how things were going after that bitch of yours turned on us, Simon." Smiles… "Sounds like you've come up with a bang-up plan."
"It's just back-up, Robinson." Simon frowns. "And you can't drain us all enough to keep us from killing you if this is a confrontation."
"Be fun to see, eh?" friendly smile, chuckle. "But no, we're good. The documentary guys won't violate the impartiality agreement and your ex-Goth girl doesn't want to be dust so she'll settle for observing and maybe a human save or two at the end to win a few brownie Redemption points, Schindler style. Nice that one of us will cover the story, really."
"All right, then…We proceed as planned." Simon, determined to resume charge.
"I'm good with it. Hope you all are." Colin beams.
"It might help if you told us where they are…" Rappula eyes him. "We could get the Hunters over in a minute, bo-binit…Yo, we're assertin…Their destruction is certain, without pity, without mercy…They enter the valley of the shadow of their final curtain…"
"You're not gonna do this when you're Emperor again, of the EU Council at least, if you manage it, right?" Colin eyes him. "Cause it's really not an imperial style, just sayin'."
"It's cool, beige man. When in Rome, I'll again be imperial, when in Staten Island I am material, salt of the earth, a dude among dudes, hidin' my light in the blackness of my bushel. Fightin' the fight in my chameleon pose…Only in victory let my true nature be exposed…An imperial imperator I again will be, rulin' all Europe from Atlantic to our Sea…Mare Nostrium, yo." Rappula, spinning to quick stop.
"I don't envy you…The European Parliament's known for its bureaucracy, makes the Roman Senate look efficient. And I hear tell the EU Vampire Council is worse…" Colin smiles as Rappula rises to confront him.
"I'll deal." Rappula, grimly.
"Good luck with that…Imperator Severus." Colin shrugs.
Ah…The little bastard's not been totally wasting his time…He's found a way to block me off. Colin eyes Rappula's look and careful nod.
But an ex-Caesar Augustus ought to have a few tricks up his sleeve…And I've wondered why he'd hang around Simon as he has. Given he's been around for centuries and ought to know something about building an empire…
Of course, Afanas did have the lock on the European Council…And did kill three-quarters of the "Count" Rappula's supporters when they last challenged him in 1587. Before you ran off as far as you could, to Roanoke Colony with your ex-imperial tail between your legs…
Oh, right…He eyes Rappula…
You want the Slayer, the warrior Queen you need to make your Roman dreams come true again…All these years, like me, you've been waiting your chance. And I bet you could've shoved Simon off his little clubhouse throne decades ago since you two met up. But Afanas would've caught on and caught up to you…Along with his dear mate, that old Hunteress…
Ok, pal…We'll talk later, given I do get your request, nods. I'm always open to negotiation…
Lesley, eyeing both.
"Guys…If you're gonna fight, could you do it in the basement?" Simon frowns. "I have a documentary to work on.
"No, we're good." Colin beams. "Though Rap man the Severan has a point. It might help if you knew where they are now…Simon?"
"What? I don't know…You know that…" Simon glares. "What is this? Are you trying to divide us, Robinson? You're the one who knows where they are…"
"Not even a guess? Come on…If you're close, I might offer a clue."
"Robinson…Even I, a model of patience and wise leadership, could lose my cool with you." Simon, coldly, signaling to the others. Lesley tensing as well…
"Eh…I'm just yanking yer chain here. But I won't tell you, for my own reasons." Colin notes. "Oh, heck, well…It's mainly 'cause I know you lunkheads would screw it up…Half of you would attack…Well, that's a bit too much praise…Say a quarter. The rest would call in the Vampiric Council."
"But we want the Council there…" Simon, insistent. "Die, die, everybody die. Except your little friends, Lesley, don't fret."
She nodding but watching Colin…
"When time's right, not too soon…And we've agreed I'd decide that." Colin, calmly. "That's the one non-negotiable bit…"
…
New York City…A rather swank hotel restaurant in Manhattan…
Evening of the 26th…
"So, we're here, at quite a nice place before we head…Home." Guillermo in clearly expensive evening suit tells camera, Susan and Phyllis decked out in lovely dresses, hair styled. "I guess things are quiet so far…" Slight roll of eyes… "…Jen told me on the phone that the guys love the new place and are all set for tomorrow night. Looking forward to seeing me home, she says…The human staff as well. Yep…Though while the girls were doing some shopping, I did run a quick last errand at the old house."
Cut to shot of Nandor reading Guillermo's resignation note the evening of the 25th…Movers passing bearing several of Nadja's many crates… "Sorry". "'Sorry'? What? Did he forget to pick up the laundry again on the way back from beautiful Mexico?"
Back to Guillermo, Nervous smile…
"It's nice…Of course…To be appreciated. Jen said Master Nandor was very happy to know I'd been so well treated by my auntie and the family. That's so nice. And of course I'm so glad he and the Cravensworths like the new place. And she says they have a plan…Which she didn't think she should discuss on the phone. Great." Beam.
Great…
"It sounds good, Gui." Susan notes. "I'm glad Jen didn't try to tell you all about it on the phone but it's so great they've got some ideas about how to deal with the Doctors…Van Helsing and Acura, I mean."
"Yeah, that's great news." Phyllis agrees.
"Yeah…Great…" Guillermo nods. "Eh, could I have just a mo? Some things to discuss with the crew about tomorrow night before we go back upstairs. Security and all that…Sue? Phyllis?"
"Oh…Sure…" Susan grins. "You get things all set, honey."
"But let us know if we can help, Boss." Phyllis notes. "I'll grab us a night cap. White wine, Sue? Soda water with lemon, Boss?"
"Sure, fine…"
Sigh from Guillermo to camera…
"So…I had to turn in my resignation last night both as Nandor's minion and as Chief Minion, now that things are coming to a head. It's too dangerous, me hanging round them and the ladies…And I know I have to lead the Hunters when the time comes. I just can't stay, even if it means they all find out the truth…And especially if they find out the truth. So, I figured I'd do one last night out with Susan…And Phyllis, the two most fixated on me and try to give some plausible explanation that would make them see I am still trying to protect our friends but not get them suspicious and moving to kill me. It's tricky…But it could save their lives when the time comes."
"Guillermo! The Misses Susan and Phyllis…" a hearty call…
Uh, boy…Guillermo sighs.
Phyllis and Susan whirling to face Dracula in suit and a beaming tall black girl in glasses, hair stylishly bunned, in sweater, blouse, and skirt, beside him.
"How nice we once again run into each other? This is my dearest daughter, Althea…We decided to stay in Manhattan before our friends' grand reception tomorrow." Dracula beams. "Althea…This is Guillermo De la Cruz, nephew of my dear Rosa…And his friends."
"Nice to meet you, Senor De la Cruz. My dad's talked so much about you. Hello, Althea Acura." Althea greets each in turn, nodding.
"Sue Edgerton, Gui's fiancée…" Susan beams, observing the Slayer, as Ginny and Jen had named her, carefully.
So that's Dracula's Daughter…And the Slayer…Our mortal enemy.
Seems on the small side…A quick lunge and she'd go over the railing to the main floor below us.
Though Gui doesn't seem too eager for a fight and it might not kill her outright…
Phyllis considering… "Hi, Phyllis Nugent, I'm an old friend of Sue and Gui's. In fact I work with Sue."
Think I could grab that steak knife off the table and let her have it before…Nah, I guess she's sure to be too fast for that…If the stuff about "the Slayer" is true.
…
"My heart is heavy tonight…Despite my enjoyment of the wonderful bouncy cushions of our new home…" Nandor sighs as he sits on a smaller but quite bouncy-cushionswise sofa in his new bedroom.
"Guillermo has abandoned me. Why, I do not know? Well, perhaps it's because he has suddenly become a wealthy prince of beautiful Mexico. But that's so unlike him…Not merely the wealth but the attitude." Shakes head. "Was he jealous of the new minions? I mean he was the top dog, acknowledged as the Chief of our Minions. Though perhaps it hurt him that I offered to let Lazslo's Miss Erika sexually force out my brains and not him? I only meant to show I appreciated the gesture, come on. On the other hand, he seems to be doing quite well with Miss Susan, my own minion." Ponders…
"Very confusing…And depressing as we near what may be the end of my existence, should old Vlad finally accept my offer to sacrifice myself." He looks up as Jen enters, beaming…
"Master Nandor…" slight bow.
"Oh, hello, Miss Jennifer…" hearty tone. "And how are you this evening? Not staying too late with us I hope…Your husband the captain and scientist and your little daughter will miss you."
"Oh, I'm just checking on a few things and seeing if there's any last cleaning to be done before tomorrow, Master Nandor." Jen, happily. "You looked so wonderful trying on your uniform…As did Master Laszlo and Lady Nadja."
"Why, thank you…A great compliment. It was nice to have it on again… I hope my old friend Vlad takes it well, but I think we are way past old conflicts."
"I'm sure. The Doctor seems pretty easy-going on most things…You didn't need anything from it cleaned again or want anything for tomorrow? And do you need anything for tonight? Jacqueline has some of my stuff in the fridge…"
"Oh, no, dear." Shakes head. "I'm very well situated and had quite too much to eat. You ladies have been doing us proud. I'm only glad we can't gain weight. Though, confidentially…" waving her over. "I suspect Laszlo has in fact put on a few…"
"So says the Mistress…" Jen grins… "But he can't, right?"
"Legends say so, but you may want to gently persuade him to reduce a bit…"
"I'll keep a close eye…" smile. "You must be glad that Guillermo is returning here tomorrow…"
"Oh, yes…Indeed…Very glad. So glad."
"I know I've missed him. Though I'm glad to see he's showing Susan a nice time in New York…And he's loaded…" chuckle. "I still can't believe it…Though no one deserves it more."
"Yes, no one deserves to be more loaded." Nod.
"Well, I just wanted to check on you since Erika's gone and Jackie seems to be busy down in the basement. I'm heading out as soon as I say good night to Master Laszlo and Mistress Nadja."
"That's very kind. Give them my best. And a very good night to you and your nice husband and child. Oh, did Martha get home ok?"
"Oh sure…She texted me a while ago. But I think she can't wait till you have that talk with her boys…" warm smile. "You've been very good to her, sir. I know it's made her enthrallment a real joy."
"Delighted. And I hope to do so shortly. Good night, my dear." Wave as she bows and heads off, shutting door.
"Charming girl…What a wonderful choice Laszlo made in taking her, even if it was on the spur of the moment. Naturally I have refrained from telling her and the other ladies that Guillermo has left us. I don't wish to upset them and spoil tomorrow night's party." Downcast look. "I was rather hoping to have him see me making the offer to Vlad…I think he would have been proud, in a way…And perhaps he would have talked me out of it."
"Hello, burner of my village…" the Soul Doll has suddenly entered by a side door, eyeing him coolly.
"Yes, hello, soul of Nadja stuffed into straw…" Nandor, slight bow.
"Am I interrupting profound philosophical meditations?" the Doll asks, a bit sardonically.
"No, I am just kicking the backs with the boys here." Nandor shakes head.
"You look sad, my drunkenly pillaging gumdrop…" the Doll takes seat on sofa beside him.
Oooh… "These are comfy cushions." She beams. "So, what is in the letter you have folded? Another old opponent whose surrender you were too busy or drunk to accept?"
"For a soul you are a bit nasty…At times." He frowns.
"If I were alive again, as I was…Fully Nadja, soul and essence…" she eyes him. "Could be you would be roasting on these nice cushions."
"Are you challenging me?" Nandor, slight stare.
"In this form? Don't be pathetic…" the Doll frowns. "I'm telling you something important, my friend…" faint smile. "Bit of a secret, really…That, perhaps, I shoulds not be telling." Moving closer, Nandor staring…
"Is this some sort of the kinky sexual come-on for the straw-filled sort?" he eyes her.
"Please…Well, not that you are not…In your pillaging, maniacal way…Somewhat attractive. And more so since…" pauses.
"You are now very human, Nandor the Relentless. Perhaps more so than you were human." She smiles, patting his hand as he eyes her hand on his.
"I should be insulted but I suppose from a Soul, it is a nice thing to say…"
"It could save you…" she eyes him. "And my Laszlo…"
"I think Nadja the Essence has the dibs there…" he notes.
"Not before me." Calm smile. "Oh, I can say no more…It's not right."
"Really? You've not said anything…" he glares.
"I have said…Enough. Oh, and you should see to my counterpart's minion, Miss Jacqueline…She is unconscious down in basement. Her duties, the blood drainings…I noticed her on Colin Robinson's mattress." Slight shudder…
"I should shudder myself at such a thing…" Nandor blinks. "In Colin Robinson's room, in the basement? What was she doing in there? Did he drain her? We have his strict promise…"
"Can't say, no he did not." The Doll shakes head. "No…Not that either…" smiling at Nandor's horrified stare. "Please…I would not allow it and even she is not that submissive."
"But the man I do not like. Beware him, Nandor the Relentless." Smiles. "I never thought to like you, you ruthless old thing, but I do. Well, you'd best send one of the ladies to help her."
"They've gone home, I think…Unless Jennifer is still… Jennifer!" he cried. "Oh, Miss Jennifer!" both look about them.
No eager rush into the room…
"She must have left…" Nandor notes. "She did need to get home to her child."
"Oh, right, yes. Well…I see I must bring the other back myself. Don't let Laszlo know." She put finger to lips, then went limp.
"What are you doing?" he stares. "Soul lady?" touching doll.
Hmmn…
"Jacqueline! Miss Jacqueline?!" he calls, rising.
I hope Soul Lady is right… Surely she hasn't come to find Colin Robinson attractive…The poor girl has been rather submissive since her taking but really…
No one is that submissive…
"Nandor? What is it?" Nadja's voice from her and Laszlo's bedroom. "Are the Hunter peoples attacking us?! Laszlo! Get up! Our doom is upon us!" He pausing…
"Need a hand, old chap? We've retired early but…" Laszlo's voice from the room, rather weary as Nadja prods him.
"Oh, no…I just need to fetch forth your minion Miss Jacqueline from Colin Robinson's bedroom…"
From?…Nadja in her new bed/coffin eyes Laszlo next to her. Slight gasping…
"She has become quite the submissive, my darling…" Laszlo notes. "Could be she and Colin Robinson…"
"No…Oh, no…" Nadja, rising up in her nightdress…Cap on head. "I should have thought of this before. Jacqueline!" loud call… "I command you not to make the whoopie with Colin Robinson!"
"It's quite all right, Mistress." Jacqueline's voice from the stairs. "I've not made the whoopie with Colin Robinson. I just fell asleep in his room, I'm so sorry, I was very tired. Sorry, Master Nandor." She eyes Nandor before her on the upper landing.
Yes…Sorry…Sigh. But I am married and it would be truly unRedemptionist to do this to poor helpless girl, she reflects.
Bell rings at front door.
"What? Is that someone? Here? At our new home? At this hour?" Nandor blinks.
"I will get it, Master." Jacqueline notes.
"No! It is the Hunters and the Slayer, now! They've come early!" Nadja cries.
"No, I only sense one person…Bit hard to read but only one." Laszlo notes. "Nandor? Would you be a good chap as we're not dressed to receive…Just in case Miss Jacqueline can't handle it? Oh, he's already flown down…Good chap that."
"Laszlo? Get dressed. We can't die in our nightdress…"
"I did, if you recall…It's actually quite comfortable." He notes.
"It's fine! Just a nice postal man coming rather later than usual!" Nandor calls. "Hello, postal guy." He turns to face the man…Ah, no… Unman as Jacqueline stands at open door, in her maid's outfit, nodding politely.
"Laszlo?! Go and see!" Nadja hisses. "But don't get staked without me."
"Fine…" Laszlo rising wearily… "Yes, my darling I shall endeavor to try."
"Hello…" Jacqueline possessed again by the Doll smiles at the Fed Ex vampire in brown uniform bearing card who offers it to her.
"No, no…Let me. Besides you can't welcome him in." Nandor steps forward. "You can drop your post into my hands, thank you for your postal delivery so late at night."
"There you go. Good night." The delivery vamp nods to Nandor, smiling at Jacqueline who returns smile, closing door after him.
"Master? Wasn't he?" she turns to Nandor…He opening the card given to him.
"Yes…An Unguy. And this is from Unpeople…Oh, my…Laszlo, Nadja!" he calls.
I sense that at last, things begin to move to the non-sexual climax…She thinks.
…