AN: So this morning sort slipped by without noticing and ups.. there you have 5800 something words. This tends to happen when I really should be writing something else. Ups again. I want to thank you for your input after chapter 86, some of which really helped.

I know Logan and Jess being away is getting kind of old and the methods against that (phonecalls) can only do so much. But I'm working on it. Expect a few surprises in the following chapters.

I love reading your reviews!

"So, did you read it?" Jess inquired the following afternoon an hour before his next book signing, knowing that Celeste usually went through his drafts pretty quickly, curiosity often taking reign. But as long as he'd stared at the shared document, there wasn't a single comment, nor edit, which there normally would've been by now. Jess was worried it was a bad sign.

Celeste was holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear, just finishing up packing Evies things to take her over to Liz and TJ's for the night. Finny was going to sleep over at Lorelai's despite the first floor still needing some work, while Hallam had driven Cathy over for a couple of days to help Maya out with the twins. This meant that for the first time Rory was going to attempt to take a night off. Convincing her of that and putting a solid plan together had taken some serious debate, but Celeste had once again pulled the 'you told me to do the same' card which she already knew would work. The two of them were going to stay at the main house - Rory in her study where G had slept before, finally having a girls' night and the twins would be just across the backyard in the chief's house in case they needed her.

"Sorry, I really haven't gotten around to it. I've had a couple of long days at work and I've been helping out Rory with the kids and all this opening stuff…," she explained apologetically. It had all been a bit overwhelming but still she felt bad for not having gotten around to it. She knew how much her input meant to him, especially if it had been something that had developed so fast as he'd described. Those quick pieces were usually some of his best work.

"I'm sorry, I know you have a lot going on. It's just easy to forget when I'm out here," Jess explained, as he sat at a coffee roaster's cafe in Richmond, that had attracted him in for his pre-signing break for its architecture. This too was an old repurposed firehouse, though about half the size of the place they had. He'd spent the past twenty minutes observing it's interior and functionality, along with his coffee, pondering whether they still needed to adjust something in theirs, hoping to learn from them.

"But there's a reason I need you to read it," Jess began, realizing he needed to explain why he was so impatient this time. He was glad that the corner of the cafe was pretty secluded, enabling him to actually address the topic in public even if it was over the phone.

"Okay," Celeste focused more of her attention on him, waiting for him to elaborate, holding a pair of Evie's leggings in one hand and a small tote in the other, that already held her favourite plush elephant.

"It has a lot of you in it, not by name of course, but I just need your 'okay' on it before I move further with it," Jess explained.

Celeste still didn't quite understand why he was in such a hurry, but what she didn't know was that it was in part Lauren that had already begun getting several inquieries about his book. There was demand even before he had submitted it, and he too wanted this particular book out there.

"I thought you weren't going to write about my drama," she replied referring to her past ordeals with her family, and especially her brother. Jess had already written a book about that and since signing the agreement with Henri, her brother, that book had been buried under some deep layers, never to be published. That too had been pretty good, just at this point against her NDA.

"It's not about that," Jess sighed, realizing that he just needed to rip off the bandaid and explain it himself fully. "It's about depression, but from the point of view of the bystander. But it's a lot lighter than it sounds. More focusing on the 'getting back up' part than the 'hitting rock bottom' part. I really wish I had told you this in person - read it with you," he began, realizing more and more that she wasn't going to take this well. There literally was a very slim chance she could take this less than horribly. "I'm sorry, I know I should've asked you sooner - I just needed to let the story out, I couldn't help it," he added, his voice sounding genuinely apologetic.

"Oh…," Celeste sank down to the pink velvet armchair in Evie's room. For a moment his wording made her think how long he had actually been hiding this from her. But it didn't really change what he was asking her now. It was certainly not what she'd expected. Sure, she knew he tended to use bits of her in his stories, but not like that.

"Will you give it a try? Please," he pleaded, in his low tone, which she knew his voice made only when he was really desparate.

"Okay," she replied hesitantly, letting out a deep exhale. One shouldn't judge a book by its cover, or by it's summary - that much she knew.

Having Rory around and so much to do with everything the past week, Celeste had hardly had the time to dwell over her feelings outside of therapy. But suddenly she felt very apprehensive towards reading it - it really was like ripping off a large, very sticky, bandaid revealing a nasty open wound. Even without reading it she felt exposed, even the slightest thought towards something like that becoming public seemed like the most frightening thing she could imagine. She knew her diagnosis was not something to hide, but she didn't quite feel like announcing it to the world either. Yes, she needed to read it to see what he was talking about, but the very act itself and the idea of having to flush his book down the drain just because of her insecurities, she was pretty sure she would need to do, made her want to postpone the act of reading it indefinitely.

They said their 'I love you's' in goodbye, but Jess could sense her mind was elsewhere already, leaving him heavy with worry.

"Are you sure, Jess won't mind? I know he used to hate the smell of Indian food," Rory asked, as he climbed the stairs from the kitchen to the living room, holding two bags of takeway in his hands, they'd just had delivered from Sandeep's.

"But he isn't here, is he?" Celeste replied, half jokingly, taking one of the bags of food from Rory and began to open the boxes one by one, placing them onto the coffee table.

"Everything okay there?" Rory asked, sensing some passive-aggressiveness in her tone.

"Ah..," Celeste replied, she didn't particularly feel like jumping in the deep end with her issues, hoping to spend at least a couple of hours sticking to lighter subjects with Rory. But she knew that she might not really get another chance to talk about it if she didn't. "Jess is writing another book. He just told me a week ago or so, asked me to read it. But I didn't get around to it. But then he told me why he was so desparate for me to read it - and apparently he's been writing about my depression from his point of view. And he wants my 'okay' on it. And I honestly just keep wanting to postpone reading it… I don't want to read it, I don't want to be the person to tell him he can't publish it," she explained, and opened a box of salmon pakora and another containing Saag paneer that smelled delicious. Jess was definitely going to notice the smell - she thought.

"Oh wow," Rory reacted, already having a bite of cheese in her mouth. "I'd thought the man would've seen this coming, I mean seriously - he should have more tact than this," Rory commented, frustratedly.

"I mean he hasn't been writing it very long as far as I know. He said it just poured out of him, and that's what makes this so hard - it is usually those that he writes in a matter of weeks that are usually the best. They're short, sharp and contain nothing excess," she spoke from the experience of his former short novel collection, which he had a drawer full of. Many of them were put there on hold to wait for the right time or just the drive to finish them to return. There were some he was probably never going to finish.

"So you haven't read it yet?" Rory asked.

"No," she replied, pouring herself a glass of Pinot Noir.

Rory had decided to forgo the wine, the night alone already seeming like a privilege. At least this way she didn't need to waste any breast milk.

"I don't want to - I know he's hoping me to, and I should but it..," she began, picking her words.

"It's too painful?" Rory finished her sentence for her, seeing it from her face.

"That too," she replied, loving how Rory could always do that. "But it feels like I'm being exposed by him, it's like betrayal almost. I'm not perfect - and he's telling everyone," Celeste added.

"I don't want to take his side in this, I am not - but on his defence maybe there's something in the way he's written it that it isn't an expose. I mean the idea itself - he really should've discussed it with you earlier and considered your feelings more, but I can imagine that the reason he didn't was that he too was scared to do it. I remember how scared I was to talk about the book I began writing a few years ago to my mom. She wasn't very happy about the original idea at all. I don't think Jess would ever do something to purposefully hurt you," Rory tried to offer an alternative viewpoint.

"I guess," she hesitated, taking a bite of the spinach sauce with her rice.

"Take your time, but maybe just try to read it? Stop if it is too much and tell him just that. If you tell him you were unable to finish it because it hurt too much, I'm sure he'll just get the message," Rory advised.

Celeste nodded, knowing that she was probably right.

"How is everything otherwise?" Rory inquired, feeling like this entire visit had been all about her and not enough about Celeste, who clearly, based on their earlier phone call a couple of weeks ago, needed her just as much or more.

"I still go to therapy, take my meds and the occasional glass of wine," she raised her glass in that sentence, taking a sip, knowing how it was not exactly contributing to her treatment. "I'm, like, doing everything I'm told and I'm definitely immersing myself in all these activities. The work, Evie, I tried volunteering a little with your mom, and I do feel it's much easier to connect with people here. I feel like there is this 'village' around. Even if it's mostly just relatives who I mostly interact with besides people at work.

"But that's not enough?" Rory inquired, sensing there was a 'but'.

"Right," Celeste replied, feeling so relieved that Rory always got her so effortlessly. "I mean before this book thing, Jess and I were good - really good," the statement making her smile. "But it's the work - it's something I need to do and I am glad I am doing it and I hope maybe with the store will feel different. But I haven't felt that 'click' yet - that this right here is what I am supposed to be doing. It's more like doing it on autopilot, more like just being a decent human being and helping people out. I want to get that recognition you know - even if not from others just form within me. I want to feel like I'm doing something that makes a difference," Celeste explained.

"Well, thankfully this is something I know from experience," Rory replied, smilingly, and took a bite of pakora in between. "I mean when I graduated I was so all over the place, all I knew was that I wanted to write. And sure, I worked from some very respected publications, but except for a few of those stories that I really felt like I connected with, it was just like The Art of Getting By or something," Rory added. "Writing the Gilmore book was almost that," she said. "But it was just when I got to the actual research scene where I felt it. It was this all consuming drive. It was something I'd want to do for free," she explained.

"Yeah," she agreed. That was what she wanted too.

"So you just keep on experimenting with different things - as much as you can. I know things are tight right now and you need to keep a paying job and also the store is a lot of work, but when you do get a moment - see what else is out there, take internships, short term jobs, contact temp agencies," Rory suggested. She hated to admit it out loud but even she'd done all these things in her early thirties.

"Yeah, like who will hire me for an internship?" Celeste chuckled. Overall she agreed with her suggestion, she just needed to try. Not that she hadn't, but just try more. After all she couldn't just expect for things to fall into her lap.

"Well if they judge you by your date of birth that's grounds for discrimination in some places, and then they really don't deserve you," Rory explained. To her this was plain and simple. She hated to see her struggle with this, but knowing what it was like first hand, she knew that eventually Celeste was going to find it.

"How's Logan?" Celeste asked her, taking a few bites of salad for a change. They'd already talked about Rory's issues with the twins a little, the guilt and the slowly forming affection that she was beginning to feel for Leigh.

"It sucks that he's away, but I have a feeling that if there wasn't that distance between us, he probably actually likes it. Though he did say that the HPG is a little tense at the moment, some internal affairs…," Rory said, continuing to explain as much as she knew.

Celeste probably knew more about the inner workings of the HPG than Rory, especially when it came to the London office from years ago.

"So how long do you think he'll stay?" Celeste asked, feeling sorry for the undefined deadline of their physical separation.

"I assume he'll be back for Christmas at least, but other than that..," she shrugged.

"It sucks," Celeste replied.

"If it ends up being longer than that, I really think I need to start thinking about taking the kids there too, to get a place there. I mean it isn't even all just about me - they miss him too and he misses them. He's missing so much already," Rory explained, biting into another piece of cheese.

"That would really suck, but I do get it. So if that's what it comes down to, I really don't blame you for it," Celeste commented.

"We've never really been very good with distance - despite having that experience and knowledge that we can do it. It's difficult to connect over the phone or even video. It's like I don't sense his energy, the touch," Rory continued.

"Oh, I know what you mean," Celeste laughed with a naughty smirk.

Rory frowned at her, as if asking what was so funny.

"You do sexting at least right? Or phone sex, video?" Celeste asked, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"We texted a little when we were in college, but I don't know - it's always like he is expecting me to initiate or something, and just don't have that confidence right now. I've always been the shy one when it comes to actually speaking about it. And I know how silly it sounds," Rory explained.

"You need to get your confidence back up, but you really shouldn't feel bad at all - you look great, nobody could even tell you've had three kids," Celeste tried to be optimistic.

"Well you haven't really seen my stomach," Rory said, tilting her head, discouragedly. The physical appearance was influencing what went on in her mind and even when it was about just talking sexy. Even that required her to feel sexy.

"So show me. I'll be honest," Celeste replied.

Rory rose, lifting reluctantly her t-shirt, exposing her belly. "It's not diastasis recti, they've checked," she added, showing her twin skin. Her belly still showed a little rounder, hence the suspicion of diastasis, but the skin and her belly button looked nothing like it had looked before. She was stretched out, simple as that.

"I mean, it's different alright, but you're just three an a half months in. But I've seen worse. I'm sure there are specialists who could help with supplements or some non-invasive treatments if you want to skip the nip-tuck version," Celeste replied, trying to be constructive but still careful. It was not like she'd seen worse live, but she'd seen pictures.

"I haven't had the time to go looking into cosmetics, and I know that while plastics is probably the quickest solution to this - I don't really want to fall into that pattern. It's like announcing to the world that I have the money to 'fix it' and just… I don't know…," Rory blabbered, unsure herself why she was still worried about what others thought. It wasn't like Shira was around and judging anymore.

"So you try to work on the mental part of this," Celeste suggested. "Attempt to overcome this with your mind. Accept, listen to what Logan says and don't hide from him - he won't lie to you. Men think differently, they have the incredible ability to overlook a lot of faults. They see the woman that had their kids, not some extra skin," Celeste explained. She'd read so much about these things when she herself had been expecting Evie that she was like a living encyclopedia by now. "And you know, maybe phone sex or something like that would be good for you two - I mean you'll just use the imagination, get yourselves some intimacy and you hear how much he wants you, that can only help, I can imagine," Celeste added, finishing her meal, while Rory kept going.

"Yeah, but I don't feel like initiating it. It's like I don't know - we hardly even initiate it with words in real life these days, it's always about the touch, you know," Rory explained. It was some strange false shame, it had been there for a while after having Finny but then it had resolved itself more easily than now.

"So you text it, say that you want him to speak - let him control you, at least for the first time. Have him jump start you, I'm more than sure he won't object," Celeste assured.

Rory had decided to grab the bull by its horns that same evening, really not grasping the concept of getting a lot of sleep on her free night, at least saying to herself that she needed to try to do what Celeste had suggested. She had been less apologetic that evening when she'd called him, using her earphones, having sent a tentative message earlier asking if he was asleep. Clearly he wasn't or didn't want to be.

"Do you remember what we did, when you were in London just after your graduation?" she asked coyly, after some shy small-talk.

"Threw ourselves to work?" he played innocent for a second, teasingly, actually really liking where this was going.

"Logan…," she scolded playfully.

"I have a faint memory of some interesting texting if that's what you mean," Logan replied humbly, testing the water.

"I'm just…. I'm not the most confident at the moment. I just feel like I need to ease into this. I don't even know why I have this block about speaking about this," she added apologetically. "But what I do want is some of that intimacy back that we had before, and not just the physical," she added.

Logan felt a little surprised to hear this. On his side, he hadn't really realized there was a problem. Sure she was preoccupied a lot, but that was to be expected with three kids, right?

"Rory - anything you need," Logan said. "If you need time... or if you need me to come home for a weekend, just tell me, okay?" he assured her. A weekend at home would've mean spending one whole day on the plane and barely a day at home, but if it came to it - he would do it if she asked.

"I don't need time, Logan," Rory stated firmly. "But I do really miss us, and I just think that maybe there are things that you could help me with - I don't know, things that might make me feel better about my body, so I'd feel more comfortable in it again," she added, hesitantly. She hated to be asking him this. She didn't want to be flooded by compliments, that was not what she needed and she doubted she could even take that very seriously if he did that.

"Alright," Logan pondered, wondering how to go about this. He could sense that she wasn't too confident in her request even and even bringing this up was probably quite hard for her.

"Talk to me, try to get my head in that right place. Tell me what you want me to do… or something," Rory whispered, hesitating.

The twenty seconds that it took him to think of what to say, seemed like ages.

"Close your eyes," he said. Rory could sense his smile in his tone. He always was very confident in that position - he was a man of power down to his genetic code. They'd tried a little power play before, but not quite like this.

"They're closed," she replied, licking her lips. It was funny how something so simple could already have that effect on her, already making her a little impatient.

"Remember how we were at that conference cocktail party in Hamburg," he began. They had reminisced a lot about their college days, but those 'Vegas' years had somehow been the years not much spoken about. But there too had been a significant amount of time where things really had been quite simple and straightforward before things turned complicated. In the beginning they'd both been unattached and they'd just succumbed to the draw. Adults doing adult things while keeping it casual. "We'd been glancing across the hall at each other all evening, talked briefly a few times before being interrupted, and there was just this tension. I'm sure you felt it too," Logan described.

"I did," she whispered.

"And we just tried to go on with our schedule and mingling, but I just couldn't get my eyes off you. How that red dress hugged your waist, that sexy librarian look…," Logan continued. He had kept seeing those amazing, intense eyes throughout the day - he always could get lost in those eyes.

The mention of her waist was not ideal, but as Rory didn't expect Logan to be a perfect mind reader, she let it go.

"I was just about to leave, and then you held up the elevator," Rory pitched in, wanting to at least do something on her part.

"I just couldn't let you leave," Logan replied, the corners of his mouth curving upwars as he shook his head as if scolding someone. They both knew that the emotions going through their minds at that moment had been complex, some hurt and regret mixed into it, lingering from their break up, but they were past it now enabling them to just think of the physical part of that encounter.

"I remember how you kissed me then," she recalled. He'd slammed her against the elevator wall, wordlessly, devouring her like water after walking the desert for years.

"I was so close to taking you right there, if we hadn't reached your floor when we did and those damn Chinese tourists hadn't been standing right there," Logan continued. It had been convenient that the conference had taken place in the same hotel they were staying at, making their way to Rory's room a rather short journey.

That statement certainly moved something within her, creating that knot in the bottom of her stomach. She recalled clearly how good his arousal had felt against her abdomen, recognizing the feel of him instantaneously.

"Damn your dress had a lot of buttons," Logan said, his smirk being audible.

"You tore at least two," Rory added, the corner of her mouth curving upwards too.

What he had been fearing the entire time had been her telling him to stop, that they shouldn't do this. Because what right had he over her body after making her choose between marriage and splitting up. But she didn't, and for that he was utterly thankful - because he'd never wanted anything as badly as her at that moment and he wasn't even sure if he could've stopped if she had. The thought was a little scary.

"I needed you so bad, I still do," Logan exhaled.

"I do too," Rory replied.

"Touch yourself," he instructed her. His voice wasn't suggestive, but assertive, making the last shred of hesitance scatter from her brain.

Somehow giving up the control felt just like what she needed. The truth was that while she'd had sex with Logan on a few occations since having the girls, her own relationship with her own body had not quite been the same since. And this was in fact the first time that her fingers slid down between her thighs and up the into her loose pyjama shorts and underwear, shoving them aside. Even to her surprise the dryness that has become the norm there, there was actually a certain dampness confirming again that the mind was the most sexual organ.

Logan paused, listening to the silence at her end. She licked her fingers, adding some additional lubricant.

"How does it feel?" Logan asked, as his own cock already twitched at the plain thought of her.

"Just like that night. I remember how you just demanded to touch me, you just slid between my lips," Rory replied, still not feeling entirely comfortable with the most detailed vocabulary out loud.

"You were so wet, it felt so delicious," he replied. "Do you know what was best about it?" he asked, but didn't really give her time to reply, "the way you moaned when I touched you," he added, speaking in a low tone.

Rory slid her fingers up and down her slit, circling around her clit, then sliding back down again, careful not to enter.

"I'm rock hard, you know. And that's all you," Logan smirked, stroking his member slowly. He could hear her breathing, more rapidly than before, that alone making him imagine vividly what she was doing.

She wished she could feel how hard he really was. Rory slowed down a little, realizing that she wanted to offer him at least a fraction of what he was doing to her.

"I loved how you directed me, how strongly you held me. We never made it past that desk, did we?" she said, recalling how he'd simply pushed her against the humble hotell room desk, forcing her to feel even more of him.

"You had this most incredible black mesh underwear," Logan added, recalling in great detail the way her nipples had stood pert through the fabric.

"Which was soaking wet," Rory replied, her mind already thinking below the waist.

That black thong had indeed been incredible, and conveniently stretchy for what he did next.

"I know, I felt it," he murmured, his own up and down strokes gaining some momentum.

Rory's fingers continued to run along her labia, finally reaching inside, making her let out a whimper of pleasure, which Logan could easily hear. She knew what had happened next of course, still sensing the determinedness in which Logan had pulled the thong aside and roughly entered her. Had it been anyone else she'd insisted on a condom, even if it killed the moment a little and even while being on birth control herself, but with him her sense of caution was thrown overboard. His firmness flashed in her mind, the wave of fullness she felt each time burnt into her brain.

"And then I thrust into you hard," he said, being actually a little behind compared to Rory.

"I wish I could feel you now," Rory purred, her back arching, her hips pressing upwards against her hand, as if reaching against him.

"What does it feel like, when I am inside of you?" he asked, wanting to tease some details out of her.

"Like you fill me completely," she exhaled, already feeling very close to her high. Her two, then three, fingers were applying pressure to the G-spot while her thumb kept nudging her clit almost unintentionally, her breathing sounding rapid and shallow.

He wasn't really obsessed with the tightness, which there was plenty of both before and now, for him the best part was her softness, her warmth - the flesh to flesh contact being what he used as the definition of amazing.

The rest of the conversation really needed very little words, just grunts, moans and whimpers.

Just then his physical pleasure matched the thoughts of their past adventures. His body quaked with a grunt, leaving him only thinking how more wonderful it would've been to still linger inside of her, throbbing, pushing her over the edge.

Rory's pace hastened, and then it overwhelmed her - her body pulsed, her core flexed and feeling of warmth came over her, feeling that wonderful post-orgasm glow spreading across her skin.

Rory giggled as she finally realized that they'd broken some of that invisible barrier down. It hadn't been difficult at all, once she'd gotten past the inital shyness.

"That was great," Logan murmured, hoping it was as good for her as for him. It was no replacement for the real thing, but for now - good enough.

"You know, it kind of was," she replied, a slight hint of embarrassment still lingering because she'd done it under Celeste's roof, not even her own bed.

"Well.. I hope we do something like this again, and feel free to text - anytime," Logan suggested, feeling like he was in his twenties for a moment.

It was certainly good to hear that he still wanted her to do these things. While rationally thinking she hadn't doubted it, it was still nice to hear, prefering him saying what he had, instead of simply telling her how hot she looked, which she refused to take without a grain of salt.

"Listen, I've been thinking," she began a moment later.

"Uh?" he responded, unsure where the serious tone came form suddenly.

"I want you to know that if it comes down to it, I'd be willing to move to London with you. I don't like being away from you, Finny misses you. This is larger than just my friends and family being close by," she said.

"Ah..," Logan sighed, his head falling back. This was in a way good to hear, that she'd be willing to do something like that for him, but he didn't like the idea of uprooting her, either one of them making sacrifices for the other like this. There had to be a better way.

"Hear me out, okay?" Rory said, realizing that the next words out of his mouth were going to be along the lines of 'you don't have to do that'. "You came to me before, while clearly I could've, just the same, moved to London. We didn't even have that discussion. It's not like my career is going anywhere right now. Nannies can be found anywhere, and it's not like I have anything against London. I just don't want this few weeks to turn into a month and soon that month will turn into a year. I know you love the company, you want to do what's best for it. I just want to say that I'm not stubbornly standing in the way just because of the location," Rory explained.

"Rory," he began, somehow his nickname for her seeming less and less fitting of the mother of his children. "I don't want to do this full time. I promise a month is not going to turn into a year. I'll rather sell it than do that, though my dad might kill me in that case," Logan explained. A week of late nights was fun and pushing through a difficult project was fun, but doing it every week, six days a week and 16 hours a day when he'd just be getting home after the kids had already gone to bed was not the day-to-day he wanted. He wanted his flexibility, he didn't want to become his father. "Don't worry, I'll think of something," he assured.