Chapter 87

There's always more time

Disclaimer:I don't own GG

Background: takes place in the episode where Lorelai is gone for the weekend and Rory eats in her house with Jess and Paris, which is when Dean comes, Jess leaves and they start fighting. All starts going down after that.

Warning: Some chapters may be really triggering

Note: What better time than a fresh new year to take this full circle? Planning on wrapping this in couple of chapters(it has so many chapters it can be a book by now...) and get a fresh start. There will be a new story that will continue Rory's recovery as well as include Lane and Abigail as main characters with their own main storylines. All the regular people like Paris and Sookie will be there of course. It will also serve as fresh chance to see how things between Luke and Lorelai will develop. For now, let's get back to where we left off...

p.s. Only this chapter, maybe 1 more and an Epilogue and we move on, to the sequel :)

1.

Everything stopped. Life stopped.

Except, it didn't really. It never does, does it? Life keeps going. But there are times in life when it seems like it stops. Everything gets quiet. Lane stared at her mom, wondering if she was having a dream. It wasn't a joke, her mom wasn't the joking kind. Time seemed to still and Lane held her breath, tears starting to prick at her eyes.

'What?' The word was so quiet that for a moment she wasn't sure she had even managed to speak. She shook her head suddenly. 'No. No. I mean. No. I spoke- spoke to him the other day...'

'You're not against this?' She had asked, disbelieving. Her father surprised her. For all, she knew he was as strict as her mom. Hence the reason none of them had ever known about the music she listened to and the clothes she wore. Or that she wanted to pursue music as a career. Now that she had told him everything, he seemed surprisingly levelheaded.

'It's not my place, to be against it. As a parent? Sure, maybe. But as a person who was once your age, I know the control we have with your mom is limited. Her parents thought we were betraying the whole family, moving to the States. And you never go against family. It's all you've got in life. Do you know why we did it anyway?'

'Why?' Lane couldn't believe she was having that discussion with her dad. Even more so, to imagine her mom rebelling.

'It was our dream. Starting our own family, here. Trying to make a better life for ourselves. And we thought eventually our family will accept it. They didn't. We got to have our dream. You will have yours, with or without us. I would prefer if it was with us.'

'I would, too.' Nodded Lane, relieved.

'We'll talk to your mom when I get back. She can be a little strict, can't she?' He winked at her. He'd never winked at her. He smiled, and for a moment, he seemed a lot younger, and she could imagine him, barely 20, leaving to come here with the woman he loved. 'Promise to always follow your dreams. No matter what.'

'I promise.'

'He's gone.' Her mom repeated, trying to stay calm for her daughter. 'You have to come home, follow the rules you've got. Come home. We're all we've got right now.' "Promise to always follow your dreams,' came back to her mind suddenly. Lane shook her head.

'Mom, dad knew. He wanted to talk to you. He wanted me to follow my...'

Her mom shook her head bitterly. 'Lane, you come home, you follow the rules. I'm your mom and you have to respect that. I'm all you've got now.' She turned around, walked away, hurt by the idea that she not only didn't know her daughter but her husband too. Her life was breaking apart every day, piece by piece. All she knew was falling apart, and all she knew how to do was hold on to the rules she'd lived by all her life. The rules that her family had lived by, and had managed to survive all kinds of hardships. The rules that got them to survive when they had come to a new country, barely speaking the language and dirt poor. They had built a business and a life here. Now that life was falling apart. First, she discovered her daughter had been lying for so long. Then the police called about the plane crash. All that was left of her world was these rules. Her daughter had to respect that, or else.

'Mom!' Lane yelled after her, hopeless, helpless.

The pain went through ms. Kim but she didn't turn back. There were some lessons you only learned in life the hard way. Life threw hardships your way when you least expect it. She hadn't been strong enough. She had to make sure Lane was. Even if it hurt her. Because these are the things we had to do for our children, prepare them for life.

Lane stood there, hurt, struck, and in shock.

She felt Lorelai and Rory hug her, but it all felt to come from afar as if she was really dreaming and couldn't feel them or hear what they were saying. She could see the pain on their faces, but she couldn't process her own pain, let alone listen to anything they were saying. In one very short moment, she had suddenly lost her mother and her father and her home all at the same time.

2.

Lane let herself be led away by Rory. They were in Rory's room, laying on her bed. The quiet air hung over them. It was one of those times when nothing really seems right. Rory twisted in the bed to face Lane, and Lane intuitively followed. She felt like she was high or drunk or dreaming. Like everything was far, and everything was distorted.

'Lane,' Rory said, pausing, unsure what to follow with. Her heart was breaking for her friend.

Lane focused on her friend's face, and her words brought her out of the haze. Suddenly she scrunched her face, and she started crying. It wasn't the quiet slow crying that builds over time. It was like all of a sudden everything hit her like a ton of bricks and she started sobbing, shaking violently against the knowledge.

'My d-dad is dead...'

'I'm sorry, Lane...' Rory felt tears start to fall on her cheeks too. She'd rarely seen Lane cry, ever. And never like this. It was that kind of ugly sobbing that we rarely want other people to see. It was like she couldn't stop, even to breathe, her whole body shaking in pain. Rory encircled her in a tight hug, burying her face in Lane's shoulder, cradling her head, and stroking her hair while Lane sobbed in her arms. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry...' She kept holding her, letting her cry it out as if that could soften the blow. But she knew it couldn't. There was a hole in Lane's life now, and there was nothing she could do. Death had a way of putting everything in perspective.

Time was passing, Time stood still.

At some point, the door opened with a slight squeak, and Rory and Lane turned their faces towards it. Lane faced away from the door again, still unable to stop sobbing. Lorelai came in with a tray with some burgers and fries from the food Luke had brought earlier, and 2 big mugs with burning hot tea with lemon and honey. She put the tray on the night table and knelt next to the bed to be on the same level with Lane, and gently squeezed her shoulder.

'Sit up honey. Come on. Just for a bit. You need to drink something, so you don't get dehydrated. I brought food too. Come on' She gently helped Lane up, tears prickling at her eyes too, but she kept them at bay. Lane sat up in the bed, with a few pillows supporting her back, and pulled her knees closer, breathing heavily, trying to calm down enough, to say anything, or drink anything. Food wasn't an option at all. She took one of the mugs with shaking hands, heaving from trying to breathe, her fingers appreciating how hot the cup was. It felt soothing. Lorelai kept her hands around hers to steady the cup while she brought it to her lips, and she drank.

She didn't think she'd be able to, but she felt herself drink in big gulps, the hot liquid sliding through her and soothing her body.

Finally, she felt Lorelai let go of her hands because she had settled a little. Every once in a while she felt her body shudder as if it was cold.

'Honey, you need to eat something, it's good for you.' Lorelai squeezed her hands. 'Do you need anything? What can I do?'

Lane shook her head negatively, feeling sick. Then she buried her face in her knees, hugging her arms around them. She felt someone hug her again, Rory or Lorelai, or both.

Time was passing, Time stood still.

She was laying facing Rory, the tears coming silently now. Rory was holding her hand quietly, gently stroking her hair from time to time. The blissful feeling of detachment wasn't constant. It came in waves, and between the waves, random thoughts came crashing down on her in bursts. She scrunched her face.

'I was a terrible daughter, I'm a terrible daughter.'

'What?' Rory examined the dark circles under her friend's puffy eyes, trying to figure out if she was serious.'Why would you say this?'

'I don't know how much I even knew about him. I always- he was always travelling and I was always out the door, to hang out with you or go to the music store or something. He always said it wasn't a problem. We'd have time to do more together.' She started sobbing again.' We-we's all out of time Rory.'

Rory hugged her again. What do you say to that? There was nothing she could say.

'I didn't know him much.' She tried to think back, and all she could remember was ms. Kim. But also one other time... 'I didn't know him much, but he was kind. I was upset once when waiting for you. I must've been 8 or 9. I was saying I'll never get to travel.'

Rory got up, opening one drawer and searching. Then she got back in bed, putting something metal and cold in Lane's hand. Lane opened her eyes. It was a pin with airplane wings on it, and the name of his airline on it.

'He gave me this and told me to never give up on my dreams, whether it's about travel or anything else. You should have it,'

Lane took a ragged breath, just enough to speak. 'T-thank you.' Her face felt puffy and swollen from the crying, and her throat was all scratched and raw. She had cried so much that her stomach and her ribs hurt. She slid back down the pillows until she was fully horizontal, exhausted and spent. There was only so much you could be upset at one time. She'd used all her energy for several times over, and she felt like there was nothing left. She'd feel like that ofr few minutes, until the next overwhelming wave of sorrow would come, claiming her senses and ignoring how much her body hurt already.

'I'm alone Rory, I'm all alone.' Rory hugged her tightly, nodding negatively.

'I'm here. My mom is here. You're not alone.'

'But we're always alone at our worst, aren't we?' Somehow Rory knew she was talking about how she had pulled away after everything with Dean, and scrunched her nose, fighting the tears. 'Do as I say, not as I do.' Rory chuckled dryly and kept hugging Lane with all the warmth she could. 'You're not alone. I promise you're not alone.'

Time was passing, Time stood still.

Eventually, somehow, Lane slipped into a deep sleep and let the darkness claim her. Rory laid next to her, one hand still holding her friend's to comfort her. Sleep evaded her.