Chapter Eighty-Eight

Confessions, Proposals and Scans

Harry and his father returned to England on Tuesday afternoon. Harry felt … strange … and wasn't ready to see Lucius, not yet. He had spent the day with his father which was nice, but he felt guilty that he was using him to avoid Lucius. Harry was sure that his father knew but he didn't confront him over it.

But then Harry realised he wasn't the only one in the manor who had been betrayed by someone who they thought they could trust. Harry left his father to find his godfather who was in his bedroom. Harry entered and immediately Sirius grinned at him moving across the room and grabbing Harry in a tight hug.

'Hi Sirius,' Harry said smiling.

'How was France?' Sirius asked.

Harry grinned, 'it was brilliant. I've got this for you.'

Harry took out a small wooden sculpture of a dog that was obviously enchanted as it chased its tail and rolled over to get a pet. Sirius beamed as he stroked the dog's belly as it lay on its back on Sirius' hands.

Sirius laughed, 'you like that ... don't you … little Paddy.'

Harry laughed, 'you would know.'

Sirius smirked, 'nothing beats a belly rub.'

'I can think of a few,' muttered Harry.

Sirius grimaced, 'and I don't want to know.'

'Can we talk?' asked Harry.

Sirius gave him a sharp look and led him over to the brown leather couch adorned with black cushions.

'What happened?' asked Sirius darkly.

Harry tried to find a way to say what he wanted without hurting Sirius further than the older man had already been hurt by Lupin.

'I … you've … I loved Ron and Hermione, but it was all lies. And now … how do you trust again?' asked Harry desperately.

Sirius sighed heavily, 'I take it this is about Lucius?'

Harry nodded the affirmative.

'I want to reaffirm that I do not like you relationship with Lucius Malfoy,' Sirius said.

Harry rolled his eyes, 'Sirius!'

'Okay, okay,' Sirius said quickly. 'But, honestly, I don't know. It's hard! Remus was my everything for so long and for almost two years he was lying to me … hurting your Dad … abandoning you – and I can't think about him without feeling sick and angry.'

'He abandoned you too,' Harry said quietly.

Sirius' eyes darkened, 'I know.'

'But recently I too have been wondering if I want him to dominate my future,' Sirius admitted.

'You mean Barty?' asked Harry.

Sirius flushed and gaped, 'how?'

Harry just gave him a bland look, 'I'm not blind.'

'Honestly, I like him,' admitted Sirius. 'But I like you don't know if I'm ready to trust again.'

'I don't think Barty would betray you,' Harry said softly.

'And I know Malfoy would not betray you. It's not really about them, though …' Sirius said contemplatively. '… It's about our hurts and whether we are brave enough to try again after being hurt so badly in the past and that is about the hardest thing anyone can do.'

'I'm sorry, you know, about Lupin,' Harry said.

Sirius nodded, 'yeah, I know, it's not your fault, Remus should have known better or at the very least been honest with me! And, even if I find it in my heart to forgive him which I am not ready to do – I will never trust him again. But I don't want him to ruin the rest of my life – you have convinced me I'll talk to Barty later. May I ask what brought this on?'

'I … I think I love him and that terrifies me,' Harry admitted.

Sirius grimaced and looked a little lost, 'and Malfoy loves you.'

Harry smiled softly, 'I know, and that makes me happy but at the same time it terrifies me. What if he … what if he changes his mind? What if...'

'It has taken Lucius Malfoy decades to find someone he … someone he loves,' Sirius said. 'He's not going to throw that away, ever.'

'I don't think I'm ready to tell him,' Harry said softly.

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh, 'you don't have to tell him straight away. He's not going to push-'

'He … when he told me he loved me he said that I didn't have to return the comment that he was happy to wait as long as I would have him,' Harry admitted.

'Then give yourself time to come to terms with it and when you are ready talk, then tell him,' Sirius said then he grimaced. 'I can't believe I'm encouraging this!'

Harry laughed, 'thanks, I know this make you uncomfortable but I'm glad you're still there.'

'Harry,' Sirius said eyes full of love. 'I will always be there for you as long as I am alive! You are the best thing in my life.'

He went to bed, but could not sleep so got up, leaving a note by the fireplace he Flooed to Malfoy Manor. Harry made his up this Lucius' bedroom where the Malfoy Lord was fast asleep. Lucius barely moved when Harry slipped into their his bed.

Harry wasn't sure how long he spent just watching Lucius sleep. Harry loved this man he had realised that for himself. But did he trust him? How could he when the people he had cared for most in the world had always let him down.

But then memories flooded into his mind. Lucius questioning the scars on his back before he even really liked Harry. Lucius supporting him when his whole world fell apart. Lucius following him to where the Dark Lord was remaining despite knowing if Harry's father found out about them, he could very well kill Lucius. Lucius refusing to stay away despite his father, the Dark Lord's, ire. Lucius holding him as he cried over killing. Lucius' pale face when he woke up after almost dying. Yes, Harry realised he could trust him, and he wanted to.

Harry lay his head down on Lucius' shoulder and fell asleep in the man he loved's arms never feeling safer than when he was with Lucius. Lucius shifted naturally to accommodate Harry which made Harry smile.

Lucius awoke at just after two in the morning (according to the hasty tempus) instantly feeling that something was different but not sure why nothing felt different, but he instinctively knew it was. He was lying in his silken sheets wrapped around his young lover.

Ah there was the difference – Harry had not been there when Lucius went to sleep – he must have come in late. Lucius smiled as Harry curled up against him instinctively in his asleep. Lucius closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Lucius woke up properly at just before eight. Harry was still fast asleep, draped over him. Lucius picked up his book from the side table not wanting to move and disturb Harry. Harry woke up about half an hour later yawning and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

'Mornin',' Harry yawned.

'Good morning, Harry,' smiled Lucius. 'How was St. Christophe's?'

Harry beamed, 'it was wonderful. The mountains were beautiful. I wish I could have stayed longer.'

'Good,' smiled Lucius. 'You deserve the world.'

'Lucius …' Harry trailed off looking nervous. 'Something happened when I was away. I … okay, I was kissed.'

Lucius' felt immediately angry and hurt that Harry had kissed the same time. But at the same time, he knew that Harry was not his and was so very young, is it any wonder that he might want to be with someone his age. Merlin only knew that at Harry's age Lucius would have had two different lovers every couple of weeks.

'Do you … do you want to see more of him?' Lucius asked keeping his mask carefully in place.

Harry, for his part, couldn't believe that Lucius was actually scared that Harry would be interested in any kid when he had Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. Maybe to a bystander they would think that Lucius was neutral, but Harry knew Lucius and knew that his politician's mask was used to protect himself when he didn't want people knowing what was going on in his head. And the look in those grey eyes was the same one that he had worn when refusing to back out of the relationship despite Harry's father, the Dark Lord, directly ordering him to.

It was impossible to think that Lucius – one of the most desired men in Wizarding Britain – might be just as scared as Harry was. But maybe that was what truly loving someone was – allowing yourself to be vulnerable, letting them in despite the risks because you loved them more than you feared the worst.

'Lucius,' Harry said taking Lucius' head in his. 'Of course, I don't. Why would I want him when I have you? I've never wanted anyone else. I … I love you, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to-'

Harry's words were cut off because suddenly Lucius was kissing him.

'I love you too,' Lucius said huskily pulling away from him.

'I know,' Harry said smiling. 'But it's … nice to hear.'

'Just nice I think I can do better than that,' Lucius chuckled.

You're a Gryffindor.

You're a Gryffindor.

Sirius repeated to himself over and over again as he flooed to the Crouch Manor. Merlin, who would have thought Sirius Black would be scared of seeing someone that over the last two months had become a good friend to him. Who would have thought that the rebel Black would have had feelings for the Pureblood Lord of the Crouch House? His mother and father would have been thrilled! That thought alone almost had him turn around, but he had to stop living to spite his bastard parents but despite them! And his talk with Harry had made him realise that he had to the bite the wand as the saying goes.

Sirius found Barty seated in the small private parlour that had a handsome round mahogany table that could seat up to four people. Sirius didn't miss that Barty was starting his day with a rich hot chocolate and a selection of selection of French pastries which the theme seemed to be chocolate. Sirius often did the same when the chill of the Dementors felt so very close, now that he was in a safe place with House-Elves who were more than happy to provide almost whatever their master's guest wanted.

'Bad day?' asked Sirius softly.

'That obvious?' asked Barty bitterly.

Sirius smiled sadly, 'only to someone who also has days like that.'

Barty nodded, 'twelve years – I couldn't imagine that! A couple of years almost killed me.'

'I could numb it in dog form,' Sirius said. 'And spending a decade being Imperised by your own father isn't exactly what anyone would say is nice! Honestly, I thought my mother was the worst parent anyone could have, but your father was worse!'

Barty smiled tiredly, 'sometimes I would wake up a little … remember who I was … but father would reapply it before I could do anything. But most days I couldn't do anything – the elves fed, changed, bathed me. I couldn't even pass waste without aid. It was utterly humiliating! Sometimes in clear moments I would wish I was in Azkaban.'

Sirius nodded, 'sometimes … on visitation days when I had to turn back into a human all those memories that I couldn't feel properly as a human came back … it was horrible … I'd …'

Sirius felt his throat closing up unable to go on the room seemed to … fade around him … the impression of his dank cell filled the smell of bodily fluids that he couldn't always control when Dementors were near filled … the cold chill of the Dementor's seemed more real than the smell of chocolate.

Barty reached across the table and grasped Sirius' both hands with his. The feeling of warm hands in his grounded him. There was no contact in Azkaban … it was just you and all your worst memories. But he wasn't there anymore – never again.

He would die first.

'Drink,' Barty said.

Sirius found himself having a very large mug of rich hot chocolate pushed towards him. Sirius had drunk had two mugs of hot chocolate before he stopped shaking. It was only then did he realise that Barty still had one hand in his.

'Better?' asked Barty.

Sirius nodded, 'better.'

He felt embarrassed by his loss of control. Sirius tried not to let anyone realise how affected by Azkaban he was even after having escape two years ago. Sometimes Sirius wondered if he would ever be okay again.

'Sorry about that, overreacted a bit,' Sirius said trying to grin.

Barty squeezed his hand, 'you didn't overreact! You can't overreact about Azkaban! You don't have to pretend you're okay, not to me! Azkaban is … hell. If anyone understands the effect that place has it's me!'

'So, how is lesson planning going?' asked Sirius not wanting to talk about Azkaban anymore.

'Good,' Barty said smiling, worried eyes still on Sirius. 'Luckily, I had the last year to get to know the students and get used to the stupidity of the timetable.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows in question.

'There are some periods I am booked for teaching two or three classes at once,' Barty griped. 'The over-extensive time-turner use must have been aging me at least a year.'

Sirius gave the other man an appreciative look, 'you look good, though.'

Barty blushed.

'And I can't believe you managed to get your Mastery after only a year out of being imprisoned,' Sirius said.

Barty shrugged, 'well, I was an Auror back in the war.'

Sirius frowned, 'how corrupted was the Auror office, anyway. I mean you and James …'

'Honestly, not really,' Barty said. 'James and I were the only ones who were in there and only because we were from known Light families. They were actively turning away people from Dark families.'

Sirius nodded, 'yes, I got turned away initially. It was only after Dumbledore vouched for me that I got in.'

'It's just another form of bias,' Barty said angrily.

Sirius snorted, 'you would say that! It was a war - we had to take precautious-'

Barty barked out a laugh, 'please, Dark families have always been highly discriminated against, from being Aurors and Healers and other things. That's part of what we are fighting to change! To be free to be ourselves! You of all people know that it isn't as black and white as the Light liked to pretend!'

Sirius held up his hands, 'okay, okay. I get it, sorry.'

'Anyway, you would be able to get a Transfiguration Mastery if you went for testing,' Barty said obviously changing the subject. 'Are you not an Animagus – that is a Master-level because of transfiguration, and I have seen the map you made when you were a teenager. Those two things alone would give you a Master if you wanted.'

'Sure, but then I would have to be registered!' sneered Sirius.

Barty rolled his eyes, 'it's likely to come out anyway at Wormtail's trial as you have already more than served your time for that minor infraction, then it is unlikely to mean much but they will probably demand you register.'

Sirius frowned, 'why are you so insistent on me getting a Mastery.'

'Well, McGonagall is retiring at the end of the term-'Barty began.

Sirius barked a laugh, 'me a teacher.'

'I think you would be a good teacher, actually,' Barty said.

'What makes you think that?' snorted Sirius.

'Because you care deeply and passionately,' Barty said. 'You would be good for them.'

Sirius rolled his eyes, 'I think it takes more than caring to be a good teacher.'

'You can't say you are not willing to put the work in,' Barty said. 'Becoming an Animagus isn't something that just happens!'

Sirius couldn't refute that, 'I think you just want me to be at Hogwarts.'

Barty blushed, 'I would actually.'

'You would?' asked Sirius surprised.

'Yes, I would,' Barty said not looking away from him.

Barty's hand suddenly felt very hot in his.

'We should go out,' Sirius said suddenly.

He had been planning on leading more into it but Sirius had never been anything less than direct.

Barty blinked, 'out?'

'Together,' Sirius clarified. 'I like you, a lot, I want to go out with you.'

Barty blinked, 'I like you too, Sirius. I'd love to go out of you.'

A couple of days later Harry found himself lying on his bed with his father, godfather, Lucius and Draco around him. They were all looking excited at the prospect of seeing Harry's baby despite the fact that thanks to Dumbledore's attempt on his life they had already seen it. Draco had even come back from Greece to attend which did please Harry that Draco wanted to be part of his baby brother's life. Of course, he was also there to pick up his school things so that he didn't have to compete with the last minute rush next week.

'I'm glad you are here,' Harry said.

Draco rolled his eyes and sneered haughtily, 'I wouldn't miss my baby brother's first scan!'

'Well, technically it's not the first scan,' Harry reminded them.

'Don't remind me,' muttered Tom. 'You could have died!'

'Anyway, this is the proper scan that we can actually celebrate,' Draco said.

Tom nodded, 'the Death Eaters will be having a proper celebration tonight.'

Draco nodded and rolled his eyes, 'I know, Mother has been preparing for it all morning.'

'Cissy always did love any opportunity to get dressed up,' Sirius said knowledgeably. 'Despaired that Andy and Bella hated them. Bella, despised being made to sit still and Andy was too much of a tomboy to enjoy being made to wear the dreaded dress robes. I remember one year, just before she ran off with Ted, she actually came to the Ministry Yule Ball wearing a Muggle suit with all her hair chopped off. It actually made the scandal of me being sorted into Gryffindor that year less important. Andy always was my favourite cousin.'

'Hey!' Draco said furiously at the perceived slight on his mother.

'Not that I didn't care for your mother, but she was always so prim and proper and Slytherin,' Sirius affected a shudder, 'whilst I was the Gryffindor rebel.'

'You do remember that three out of the five of us here are Slytherins – and I am only not one because of mind-altering potions, and even then, the Hat really wanted me in Slytherin,' Harry reminded Sirius.

Sirius was saved from answering because Healer Whitehead walked in with his Healer's bag. He smiled at the sight of Harry surrounded by his family.

'You look well,' Whitehead said. 'Any, issues since the attack?'

'No,' Harry said.

'I can assure you that I would have contacted you immediately had that been the case,' Tom said.

'Okay, your magic levels are looking stable,' Whitehead said.

'I haven't been doing much magic – it's the summer,' Harry said,

'Are you going back to Hogwarts in September?' asked Whitehead.

'No,' Harry said. 'I'm going to be home-schooled, at least for this year.'

Whitehead looked pleased, 'make sure you tutors know of your condition. Male pregnancies are delicate and powered by magic – using too much would put you and your baby in danger.'

Harry nodded, 'of course.'

'Okay, and you have put on a good amount of weight – sticking to your diet?' asked Whitehead.

'Mostly – cravings,' Harry said shrugging.

Whitehead nodded, 'good.'

'Harry's not showing yet,' Draco said. 'Should that be a concern? At sixteen weeks would you not expect them to be showing?'

'If he were a witch, yes,' Whitehead said. 'What do you know about wizard pregnancies?'

Draco shrugged, 'a little.'

'Well, are you aware that first male pregnancies are eleven months?' Whitehead asked.

Draco nodded, 'hence, why Harry is due to in March and not January.'

Whitehead nodded, 'well the reason for that is that when magic forms a zygote – the fertilised sex cell – which then forms into a collection of cells called a blastocyst that would in a female pregnancy attack itself the uterus at about six to ten days after fertilisation. However, in male pregnancy there is no uterus, so it has nowhere to go.

'Thus, the wizard's magic does the only thing that it can; places the zygote in stasis and grows a womb. This takes about four to six weeks, which is why this first month is extremely delicate. Because if the stasis is broken before the womb is functional the cells will not be able to grow and so spontaneously abort. But at how early in gestation that is you wouldn't notice.

'I have had more than one wizard come to me surprised that they have magical exhaustion due to performing the complicated human transfiguration involved in creating a womb but no having an early foetal growth.

'Thus, the proper stages of pregnancy don't begin until the womb is grown at about four to six weeks. It means that, although, Heir Slytherin is sixteen weeks pregnant he is at the same stage of growth as twelve weeks in a female, so it is fairly standard not to be showing at this stage. Although, I would expect that to change in the next few weeks.

'Now would you like to see the baby?'