A/N: Ow. This one hurt to write. I love it. I wrote out a future scene in short story form for a class a year and a half ago, and it was really hard to fit the material of this chapter into that format. It didn't have the weight it should. I have higher hopes for that scene now, whenever it happens.

As always, enjoy your weekly infusion of bittersweet hopedrama. I love the ending to Inside Out. Best ending ever.

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Nagato

I am going to thank Kakuzu for this stone platform as soon as I see him. Nagato laid the scythe down on the platform. The air above its red-hot blades was visibly distorted, shimmering like he was trying to look through water and not air. Nagato was glad there was somewhere safe to put such an object down while he made some of those hand signs Yahiko used.

The heat waves stopped as soon as he channeled water chakra into the scythe. Nagato smiled. I'm getting a lot better about moving the chakra around without casting a jutsu. I think I'm ready to try my space chakra techniques again.

He had no problem channeling the chakra for his Push technique into the weapon. Not so much as a blade of grass moved. He threw the scythe across the backyard and ran after it. He was already in the air when it came to a stop, and landed on it securely. The scythe did not drop beneath his weight. He scurried off of it before it could, leaping down to the grass. He heard the scythe hit dirt behind him.

It's good if I need an extra jump in midair, but it doesn't stay up long enough for me to be confident about it. I need to make it stay longer. Maybe if I gathered more chakra, or I started channeling more chakra into it as soon as I landed, it would stay up. Nagato decided to practice setting up a sustained flow of the chakra he used to Push. So far, he only gathered as much chakra as he would need to use the technique, and used it in one burst just like he would use that technique. Could he even create a sustained flow of that kind of chakra?

He would find out. In the meantime, there was other stuff to test. Nagato picked up the scythe and took a deep breath. The chakra he used for his Pull technique never actually left his hand. It was the twin to his Push technique, so its chakra should theoretically have the same effect on the scythe. But that was only if he could get it into the scythe in the first place. Nagato wanted to see if he could. Can I move a technique that pulls stuff toward me out of my body? If I can, maybe I could use it to pull things towards something other than myself. And if I can do that… He couldn't actually think of any practical applications for that, but he felt sure he could find some.

This was going to be a lot trickier than trying to move chakra that was meant to move. He took another deep breath and immersed himself in the memory of Pulling the door to the roof off its hinges. It had felt natural, just like pulling something with his arms. Nagato felt his chakra change. He tensed, stifling himself before he could actually Pull anything, and tried to channel that chakra out of his hands and into the scythe.

That wasn't the way his chakra was supposed to be used. He could no more do that than he could pull an object with his arms and simultaneously straighten his arms, without moving the rest of his body. The two aims contradicted each other. The technique broke up.

Nagato wiped his brow. So Pushing and Pulling with my chakra works the same way as it does normally. There are some things that are just physically impossible. Even chakra has limits. Wow; I didn't expect that to be such a relief!

Now came the scary part. Nagato laid the scythe down on the stone. He swallowed nervously. He'd delayed long enough. It was time to buck up and face his fears. He needed to try using his scariest technique in the scariest way on the scariest weapon he knew, which was all too likely to result in one of the scariest consequences he could imagine. Please, gods, Jashin sama, or whoever can hear me: please keep Hidan from getting as angry with me as he got with Deidara.

Nagato took several deep breaths, moved to the far side of the platform so that he would not be between Hidan and his scythe if the worst happened, and raised his arms. He winced at the feeling of vibrations traveling along hidden metal in his forearms. I hate this chakra rod technique so much. He whimpered at a sudden spike of fear. What am I doing?!

In the sunroom, Hidan's eyes flew open. He had been sleeping well, having a good dream. But now his insides twisted, and he knew somehow that something was wrong. He did not question his instincts as he got up from the chair and went to the back of the building. What was the point of asking how he knew to go out there? He just knew, and that was all that mattered right now.

Nagato stopped projecting his chakra. His bones felt normal again, but he couldn't trust that. He shivered. If the scythe had reacted at all to his projected chakra, he didn't know, because he'd been too distracted by his own feelings to notice any subtle vibrations in it. He would have needed someone else to hold the weapon and tell him if anything had happened. He was relieved to think that. It gave him a great excuse to never try this ever again.

Hidan flew out the back door and over the steps. Without a word or a glance, he came to the stone and snatched his scythe and held it close, as if comforting it.

Nagato swallowed. "Sorry. I wanted to test it, just once."

Hidan looked up at him. "I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, but if it's that thing that felt all shitty just now, please don't."

Nagato nodded. "I didn't feel any better myself. I don't like this technique."

"Then why'ja use it?"

Nagato sighed. "I was exploring my powers. I decided to run through the whole list of them, at least once."

Hidan tilted his head. "All the elements and shit? And the pushing and pulling? And whatever you were doing just now?"

Nagato nodded.

Hidan smirked triumphantly. "About fucking time!"

Nagato blinked at him. "Time for what?"

"Time you explored. Time you found out what you were capable of." Hidan's grin widened, and his eyes glowed. "When was the last time you went out and just played? Just to see what would happen?"

Nagato blushed. "I've never been that adventurous, even as a kid."

Hidan swung the scythe up so that it rested on his shoulder. "You should be. I can teach you how to be, if you want."

Nagato's blush deepened. He isn't talking about my powers anymore. "Maybe later."

Hidan shrugged. "When it's time, it's time. I'm just glad to see you trying shit out now." He sat down on the platform. "So whadja find?"

Nagato described his findings. The elemental chakra had been difficult to figure out, because he only knew the water techniques she had taught Yahiko and had had to guess at how to make his chakra into any of the other 4 types. But once he made his chakra work, the scythe had done just what it was expected to do. Sharpened, heated, cooled, all of that. Nagato demonstrated what the chakra for his Push technique could do, because Hidan hadn't seen it earlier.

"Fucking shit!" Hidan clapped after Nagato leaped off the scythe. "That's awesome!"

"I know, right?" Nagato beamed as he came back. "That's where the good news ends, though. I can't move the chakra for my Pull technique out of my hand, and projecting my chakra… Well, that was what I was doing just before you came out. It makes my arms feel strange too." He shivered.

"Projecting your chakra?"

Nagato nodded. "Remember how she said I could make chakra rods, and put them into dead bodies, and project my chakra like radio signals in order to control them? That."

Hidan shuddered. "Why the fuck would you test that?"

"Because I made the decision to test all my powers before I remembered that the list of my powers included that one. I didn't want to go back on my decision," Nagato admitted.

Hidan held up his fist for a fist bump. "I like that. Not going back on promises is a good reason."

Nagato fist-bumped him back. "Thank you."

Hidan looked down at his scythe. "You want to keep it for anything?"

"No!" Nagato said at once. "I only borrowed it because you were asleep. I don't want to separate you now that you're awake. I have other things I can do."

"Not sure I want to stay awake. That paper was comfy."

"What?"

"The paper that was under my head. It was comfy." Hidan said this as if it made perfect sense for there to be paper under his head while he was sleeping.

"Why was there paper under your head?" Nagato asked as he accepted the scythe back.

Hidan shrugged. "I'll ask who put it there later." He went back inside.

Nagato suppressed the urge to giggle. He left me with his most precious scythe, even after I projected my chakra at it! I must never abuse such trust, nor waste it. He immediately set to work channeling Push chakra into it as steadily as he could. It was great to have Hidan look at him so proudly. He wanted more.

Yahiko

Sasori gave him a ride back after attending to the bicycles. Yahiko didn't know exactly how long it had been, and did not care. The amount of time Sasori spent working had been just the right length. He waited until they were both off the bike and it was securely returned to its spot before giving Sasori a massive hug. "Thank you!"

Sasori pushed past his freeze response enough to hug Yahiko, who surely lacked the ability to touch his soul. "You're welcome."

Oh, right. Doesn't like to be touched. Yahiko stepped back in a hurry. "Do you...have any corners in...there?" he stammered while waving vaguely behind him. Sorry!

"Yes," Sasori replied. "As long as you don't touch anything of mine, anytime."

"You probably don't want to be distracted -"

"Don't tell me what I want," Sasori said sternly. Yahiko flushed. In a milder tone, Sasori continued: "I'm hard to distract."

Yahiko looked down, still flushed. Assuming what he wants? That's not very kind of me. When did I start doing that? Why am I like this? "I might be a little bit of a mess," he whispered.

Sasori smiled. "Just don't touch my stuff." He punched Yahiko in the shoulder and walked off. Yahiko's stomach growled; it seemed to be near lunchtime.

He made a sandwich and took it out to the backyard, where he refrained from waving and greeting Nagato as he normally would have. Nagato had his eyes closed as he gripped the scythe tightly. Yahiko ate his sandwich and waited.

Three quarters of a sandwich later, Nagato sighed and lowered the weapon. He sat down next to the stone platform for a break, and noticed Yahiko. His eyes widened and his cheeks became a little more colorful. "Yahiko? How long have you been there?"

Yahiko held up the remains of his sandwich. "Not long." He patted the stoop, inviting Nagato to sit by his side.

Nagato did so. "What'd you think?"

"Of what?"

Nagato sighed silently. "Of my practice just now."

Yahiko wondered what he could possibly have to say about it. "It looked hard. What were you concentrating on?"

Nagato gave up on ever impressing Yahiko. It was close to the 800th time he'd done so in their entire friendship. He could push away the desire for a while, but he never could stop wanting to impress Yahiko. Never could stop hoping that if he did, Yahiko might look at him differently. But that wasn't worth thinking about. "I was trying to create a steady flow of the chakra I use for my Push technique." He went on to explain the problem with the scythe falling out of the air, and what he hoped to be able to do.

"Maybe Dei's right about living in a video game," Yahiko said. "We've created a floating platform for it!"

Nagato chuckled. "Now all we need is a floating box with a treasure inside that will give you goodies in exchange for a concussion."

"I don't think I want a concussion." Yahiko patted his head. "It would hurt, and Konan says I'm not allowed to do anything even remotely like hurting myself or putting myself in danger."

"I agree with her," Nagato said. He put a hand on Yahiko's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Yahiko looked back at him. "For what?"

Nagato looked away. "When she explained that she wasn't actually going to be doing anything to me, that it was all to see if you'd let yourself get hurt in order to keep me safe…" Nagato bit his lip. "I'd never thought you would. That was the first time I'd ever heard of you doing that for me. I couldn't believe it. I don't… Don't get hurt for me. Please."

"But you're important to me," Yahiko protested.

"You are orders of magnitude more important to me." Nagato started to hyperventilate. "Please. When she said that Other You died, I couldn't stand even the idea of that. It felt like I would die too if that happened. Protecting me by letting yourself get hurt isn't protecting me. It's like your body is my own. Please!"

He started to cry. Yahiko gaped, barely able to breathe. I'm that important to someone. I'm that meaningful. He teared up too. When did I become so important? He's always said I was important to him, but I never thought… Yahiko pulled his lifelong friend in for a hug.

Nagato clung to him. "Yahiko, I…" He hesitated. Then he took a deep breath, and swallowed. "I worry about the same things Konan does."

Yahiko closed his eyes. "I know. You two, and Hidan, you three all look at me like I'm important. You care about me so much, more than I thought. I mean… It's not like I thought you were lying when you said you cared about me, but…" He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know what changed, but it feels like I have a different understanding of what you meant now. Like it's more...real?"

Nagato slumped against him. "It's always been real." His voice was flatter. He sounded disappointed all of a sudden.

Yahiko gasped. "No, I…" He groaned. "It's not like I, not like I didn't believe you or, something. I did. I just... " He sighed. "It's not your fault."

Something dimly sparked in Yahiko's memory. Something important. Nagato mumbled something consoling, and Yahiko remembered it in a flash. Hidan said that he has problems too. He's working through something just like I am. Because he knew that, Yahiko suddenly knew what he had to do, as clearly as if the plan had been outlined to him. All he had to do was follow it. First, he interrupted Nagato's attempts to console him. He pulled back from the hug and took Nagato by the shoulders. "Nagato."

The redhead stopped speaking and looked at him. His eyes were filled with hesitance. Yahiko recognized it suddenly as the same hesitance he felt himself, when he wondered whether or not he was hurting someone and how he could stop it. He shouldn't feel like I do. He should feel strong, capable, impressive. All the things he tells me I should feel like. Yahiko smiled at him. "It's not your fault."

Nagato closed his mouth and waited, knowing that there was something else coming. Yahiko was briefly overcome by joy that he had someone who understood him this well. He lived in that joy for a moment, then moved on. "I'm a mess, Nagato."

Nagato shook his head. Yahiko shook his head more strongly. "No, I am. I have things I need to work through, and I don't know a lot of things, and I'm upset, and… And none of that is your fault. It's just a problem I need to take care of. I can't hear you properly, and that's not because of anything you're saying or how you're saying it. It's because of the noise inside my head."

Nagato reached up, took hold of both his wrists. "But… Yahiko… you're the brightest ray of sunshine I know."

"Not to myself." Yahiko sniffled. His voice cracked. "I'm struggling." He started to sob.

Nagato started to sob as well. "Me too."

Yahiko hugged him again, and Nagato hugged him right back. They clung to each other fiercely as separate but no less vicious storms passed over their heads. Nagato shuddered as if scared, and Yahiko knew that he didn't know how strong he was. Yahiko whimpered as if lost, and Nagato knew he didn't realize that he was already everything he needed to be.

Eventually, Nagato laughed. "This is just like Itachi said. We're like a couple of scared penguins."

Yahiko sniffed. "Mm." No words. I have no words right now.

They separated, and sat in silence to regain their composures. Yahiko's face started to ache. He lived with it for a minute, then remembered that he had the ability to do something about aches like this now. He looked around for water. But he saw none, and he didn't want to move. He pressed his hands to his face and channeled chakra out of them. It didn't work; the ache was too deep inside. He channeled chakra up to his face internally instead, and that eased the pain somewhat.

Nagato sniffed. "You should start carrying water on you. Just in case."

Yahiko nodded. He started to speak, but his throat felt funny. He coughed and tried again. "What - what did Itachi say?"

"We talked while you were training with Konan. He said that I was clinging to you. He said you were clinging to me."

Yahiko sniffed. "I guess I am. You're so strong, and you always know what things are, and you never run out of words, and…" And all of these are superficial things I just assumed about you. I never looked any deeper. Never asked if you were okay. Yahiko lowered his head in shame. "When Hidan told me you had something you were struggling with too, I couldn't believe it. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Nagato took quick, shallow breaths. "Itachi told me you looked unsure of yourself when I'm not around. I didn't know that. How could you ever be unsure of yourself? You always looked so at peace with the world, so in the right place, doing the right thing. How could you be unsure? I couldn't believe it either."

"I don't feel like I'm right."

"And I know for sure that there is at least one thing I have no power to change, and never will. I feel helpless. So I guess we're even."

Yahiko's head shot up. "What?! You're not helpless."

Nagato stared back at him. "In this one way, I am."

Yahiko opened his mouth to object again, but couldn't. I can feel that something's wrong, but I don't know what. Even after that breakthrough I had in the park, I don't know why. I don't know where it came from. I'm pretty sure about a lot of things, but about myself, I'm not. He nodded in mute understanding.

Nagato's eyes filled with tears again. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

Nagato wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "That you can't talk to me about it. Itachi said we both seem to have the same kind of problem: the kind we can't share."

Yahiko slumped. I can't even talk to myself about it. "Yeah."

Nagato closed his eyes. "I can't either."

They both winced in pain. For as long as they'd lived this parentless life, for most of their lifespans, they had been as one. They shared everything, or at least there was the pretense that they did. But now, that pretense was gone. The air between them felt solid, the distance uncrossable. There was division between them. Yahiko choked on fear: a sudden, high, sharp, existential fear that penetrated to his core. No! I don't want to lose my friend!

He reached out and grabbed Nagato's hands. To his horror, that wasn't enough to close the gap. No! They no longer shared a life, and he couldn't do anything about that. Yahiko started to hyperventilate.

Nagato was already hyperventilating. "I'm such a coward," he whispered. "I've been avoiding this since we were 11. But it wasn't real."

Yahiko clutched him tighter. "I don't want to lose this!"

"I don't think we ever really had 'this.' I think we might have been pretending the whole time."

Yahiko gasped. "You mean we've never been just the same? Never together? Never the two of us?"

Nagato shook his head. "Not the way you think. I know you and you know me, but we're not the same."

Yahiko let the tears drip down his face, off of his chin. He hardly even noticed them. "But...you...I… I'm not sure who I am without you."

"Me neither."

I'm alone. Yahiko wrapped his arms around himself. We're not like one person after all. I'm alone. I have to fend for myself. I can't talk to him. We can't find out what's wrong together. I'm alone. He couldn't help but feel like maybe if he wasn't so broken, maybe if he wasn't so confused, this wouldn't be true. If only he wasn't so…

Nagato tried to breathe evenly, but his breath trembled. He got up, retrieved the scythe from the platform, and sat back down. He patted its blades softly as he murmured, "Hidan gave this to me. He said it was good I was exploring my powers. Said I should be more adventurous, should try out new things."

"Don't leave me behind." As soon as the words left Yahiko's mouth, he cringed. I sound so pathetic!

"I won't!" Nagato cringed at the thought. "I won't. I'll come back and tell you."

"But you'll have them without me."

"Please have some too," Nagato begged. "Something you can tell me about."

"I don't want to have to tell you about things."

There it was. A bald, blunt, uncovered statement of truth. We have never told each other about things before. They'd never had to. They'd experienced those things together. Talking about nonshared experiences, ones of great importance, was not something they did a lot of. But ever since Konan appeared and told them they had completely different powers, more and more, they had been forced to. There were an increasing amount of things they had never experienced together, could never experience together.

There had always been such things.

"Is that why we don't talk about our families?"

They both flinched. Yahiko's eyes widened. He hadn't known he was going to say that. But now that he had, there was no taking it back. There was no going back to pretending that was just a courtesy they did each other. No going back to pretending that they hadn't led completely different lives before, and that those lives didn't matter. Those lives mattered. No matter how well they knew each other in the present, they would never know the sources beneath who they were. I don't know about his past, and he doesn't know mine. We don't know where we came from. It's like we just popped into existence together as one person. We didn't really, but we act like we did.

Nagato pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

Yahiko hugged himself tighter. "Me neither." How could he begin to explain the dead to someone who had never seen them? I don't have that skill with words. I can't bring dead people to life. No matter how well I describe my family, it'll never be as real as if he met them himself.

Nagato buried his head in his knees. He was thinking the same thing. "You'd never understand it the way I do."

Yahiko sniffed. "Why'd I ever talk to Hidan? I didn't want to know about this." He was trying to joke, but it was too true to be a joke.

"I needed to." Nagato's voice deepened, quickened, became urgent and hungry. "I needed to talk to him. I'm starving out here. I need to know. What am I? I need to know that. I can't live in your orbit forever."

Oh my god. Have I been hurting him? Yahiko's eyes widened. "Oh, no. I didn't mean to…"

Nagato shook his head. "It's okay. I didn't really realize. I'll just… go out and find what I need. Alone."

Yahiko looked at his hand. Was he really as amazing as Nagato said? He couldn't know with Nagato around to cover his weak spots. Yahiko was pretty sure he knew what his weak spots were, but he didn't know how bad they were or how extensive or anything else about them. He couldn't get a good look at them. "I think I'll do that too."

They sat in silence. It was a deep, quiet, empty silence that drained all life from the air. Had they been drifting side by side this far apart the whole time? And if they had, would they ever really be together? More importantly:

Who is he? Who am I? Who can ever see me if not him?

The silence hurt. It sliced into them as cleanly as assassin's blades. Or, perhaps, like surgeon's scalpels.

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A/N: *sobbing*