* Fata Morgana – Serie de Fragmento (vocals)

Chapter LXXVIII: With You

* Fata Morgana – Serie de Fragmento (vocals)

Silvelune felt like an old rag doll so worn out that the colours had faded from it.

This described quite accurately the exhaustion and weakness which permeated every fiber of her being. It was a feeling she was well used to. At time like these, she might as well be a soul trapped inside a useless husk of flesh and blood; punished for overexerting herself.

That was the curse of this accursed body, the root of all her misery.

She had not lost consciousness, though she was teethering between dream and reality. The myriad of thoughts flowing in and out of her mind were senseless, inarticulated and very often unrelated to one another. In truth, it had been a very long time since the last time her condition had gotten this bad. After all, she had spent her entire life trying to avoid this pathetic situation. Even during the Holy Grail War she had done everything to pace herself and commit to as little effort as possible.

Yet, even so, it wasn't as though she had a choice. She had inserted a Shard into her body to make up for her Servant's costly upkeep, but using roudabout methods like this one was already a burden on her. By becoming a Master, she had worsened the hell that was her everyday life.

Nonetheless, she held on.

Struggling through and bearing with these circumstances was what she did best. She had done so since her birth and took what little pride she could in that fact. Thus, the chaos of her mind eventually put itself back in order and she regained her wits.

What awaited her in the waking world was nothing comforting, unfortunately: the feeling of the wheelchair beneath her, usually omnipresent, was now gone. Though she was too tired to lift her head and look around her, she could tell she was being carried by someone. But she could also tell these arms weren't as big as Berserker's, and she didn't feel the cold sensation of his skin against hers. This should have been alarming but Silvelune was not afraid. On the contrary, she felt oddly safe: she was cradled in a familiar, comforting smell. It was enough to soothe her weariness as if she had slid from a nightmare into a gentle dream.

But she was not dreaming. When that fact finally hit her and she realized who was carrying her on their back, her heart filled up with dread. A fear ten times worse than facing death. But she could not run away, no matter how much her heart was telling her to; she didn't even have the strength to scream.

This was the one thing she had wished would never happen but... she had always known it would eventually.

"... ...Maria...?" Silvelune's voice was as feeble as her.

Nonetheless, when she said her friend's name, the shoulder she was resting her head on shook slightly.

"Silvy! Are you awake?!"

It felt like years since she had last heard this energetic voice. For a second, just one, Silvelune could have though she was back in her house in France and the last few months had never happened. This only made her heart ache all the more.

"Can you... hear me...?"

"Loud and clear! ...Actually, no, not loud and clear! Are you sure you have enough energy to talk?"

"So you can, huh..."

There was no more doubt about it: Silvelune's spell had been broken. That was a surprise, actually. It was good enough to keep working even while she was sleeping, so why had it disappeared all of the sudden? Maybe she had been hit just that hard...

"▄▄▄..."

Behind her, Silvelune heard the low rumble of Berserker's voice. She could also hear his footsteps; the three of them had to be walking around in the Ark... the Ark...? This did not match the last thing she could remember before her brain became a mess. But more importantly...

"...Wh..." She gasped for air a little. "Why...?"

"Sorry, I'd like to lay you down on a bed but I'm not sure where to find one." Maria chuckled awkwardly. "I don't know this place at all, actually. This big guy just kind of dropped us somewhere, so I've been looking around. Oh, maybe you're uncomfortable on my back?"

"Why... Where... your father..."

"Ah... haha, right now dad is... I don't know if I can reason with him right now, so I thought I'd let him cool his head first. You know, since he might try to harm you and all..."

"No... that's not it...! Why... are you here? Why are you with me?" Silvelune finally managed to say it. "You're finally free... and you were reunited with your father... so why are you here with me...?"

"..." Maria took a deep breath. "Well, who else is going to look after you?"

"Maria...! I'm serious...!" She raised her voice, making her throat throb with pain. "I... kidnapped you and I forced you to stay with me. I almost harmed your family... Because of me, you..."

Even saying those things out loud wasn't enough to describe how much she had wronged her one and only friend. Silvelune had though that, when the time would come for her and Maria to talk face-to-face again, the latter would spit all of her anger and hatred at Silvelune's face. But to be treated considerately, as though nothing had happened... it was even worse.

"... ... ... ... ..." Maria was quiet for a moment. "...Well, you sure did."

"That's it...?"

"No, it's not. It hurt, you know? It really, really hurt me." At last, the bitterness Silvelune had expected peeked through Maria's voice. "You did all of that shady stuff behind my back and then you abducted me without any explanation. Do you have any idea how scared I was?"

"..."

"What do you have to say for your defense?"

"I..."

...

But the words wouldn't come out.

"So you see, it's not alright. You scared me for real." Maria chided her.

"...I'm sorry..." Silvelune was quivering. She was using what little strenth she had to grip Maria's coat while her tears were overflowing. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...!"

"I know you're sorry, Silvy." Maria's voice softened. "That's why I'm still here."

"But... you ran away before..."

"What else were you expecting? I had no idea what was going on and it was terrifying! Especially your crazy stalker act!"

"You don't know if it was an act... for all you know, I could be pretending to be helpless right now..."

"I'd have to hit my head pretty bad to believe that." Maria puffed. "I know you better than anyone else. If you want to fool me, you'll have to try harder than that. You're only good at deceiving people who don't care about you, you know?"

"..."

"And you've always been like that. You'd always pretend that you don't care when you're embarassed, or that everything's fine even when it's not. It's really infuriating, that pride of yours."

"It's all... I have..."

"But it's not the good kind of pride! Don't go acting like a maniacal villain when you're just little ol' Silvy. You're just a blokehead."

"I'm hardly... innocent..." Silvelune's tears wouldn't dry. "We're not kids anymore... I've hurt a lot of people this time..."

"Especially yourself. I swear..." Maria shook her head softly. "I saw all of it, you know."

"Saw what...?"

"I couldn't move or talk, but I could still hear and see what was happening. I know about aaaall the times you talked to yourself or did something stupid."

"Huh...? But... but..." Silvelune's face warmed up. "I put you under hypnosis..."

"You underestimate me!" Maria puffed up her chest. "I managed to break free once, did you forget? It was a bit harder than before, sure, but I wasn't going to do nothing! And you overestimate yourself: did you know your spell is weaker when you're asleep?"

"What...? But, then..."

"Yep. If I'd wanted to escape, I could have done it at night. Your Servant would have noticed but I still had my chances."

"..."

"I also heard all of the stuff like that:" Maria took on a funny voice that was supposed to sound like Silvelune. "'Honestly you should have abandoned me' or 'Maria's safer with me'."

"Shut up..." She burrowed her face in her friend's shoulder to hide, even if there was no one to see her.

"I had a lot of time to think as well, because of you. So after all of this, how was I supposed to give up on you?"

"Stop... That's not true at all..." Silvelune clenched her hands and her teeth. "I really did hurt plenty of people. Everything I did, I've done it of my own volution. I was ready to kill as many as I had to... I still am. So don't talk as if I were a victim in all of this..."

"That's your problem, not mine."

"Maria..."

"I know what you did. Well, more or less. I was here, remember? I don't know why you're taking part in the Holy Grail War or what you've done before that, but I'm also acting of my own will."

"...Are you saying you'd have helped me if I had asked you...?"

"That's not what I said. If you had been honest with me from the beginning, I would have tried all I could to dissuade you. Or at least, I could have prevented you from acting on your own."

"...Heh. I knew it..."

That was cruel, Silvelune thought. If someone had gone back in time to tell her Maria wouldn't have rejected her, the the past her wouldn't have believed them. And she hadn't been completely wrong either, although that wasn't quite the reaction she had expected. When she had thought Maria would completely reject her, that had been her expectation for a normal human. But it seemed she had forgotten just how stubborn and relentlessly benevolent her friend was.

...

...

...

"It's... also your fault... you know..." She muttered.

"Huh? What is? What did I do?"

"It's because of you... that I did all of this..."

"Wha– Is it because I rejected you? Is that what made you go ballistic?!"

"That has nothing to do with it!" Silvelune cried. "That's... I'm sorry for acting like I did back then, okay...? But I've already given up..."

No matter how much and for how long Silvelune had loved Maria, she had been forced to accept the latter could never love her in the same way. Her feelings hadn't diminished one bit but she knew better than to cling on desperately. Getting rejected had hurt enough as it was, she didn't want the girl she loved to see her as a pathetic wreck too. But, it was true that Silvelune had played that part; rather than bare her true feelings, it had been easier to hide behind that excuse.

Being ridiculed or pitied for her true intention would have hurt so much more, after all.

Maria was right.

That fear had always existed within her, nestled comfortably like a parasite.

But...

"...I'd accepted my fate. I was born unfit to live in this world, I'd live out my life stuck inside this body and I'd reach the end of my life span before anyone else. That's the scenario I'd been resigned to... until you came along and filled my head with weird ideas."

"..."

"Talking about the future, what we'd want to be when we grow up, what kind of life we'd want to have... do you remember that?"

"It sounds a bit indelicate when you put it like that, hahaha..." Maria laughed embarassedly.

"It was. It made me wonder if you were doing it on purpose to make fun of me."

"It wasn't like that at all!"

"... ... ... ... And you made me believe in it, damn you. Because of you, I realized how much I hate my life. You were so happy and hopeful it was disgusting... and I truly envied you for it. And in the end, you made me wish for it. Even if you won't return my feelings, I still want to look forward to the future. I want the same hand as anyone. I... I want to live. I don't want to settle for this farce, unable to even live as I want for the few years I have left. I want... to live like you..."

"..."

It wasn't as though Maria was very fortunate; quite the opposite in fact, she had gone through many a hardship. Silvelune wasn't asking for more than this. Her life didn't need to be perfect. She simply wanted the same chance as anyone.

All she wanted was hope.

"A solution wasn't going to fall on my laps. If I don't get a miracle with my own hands, I will spend the rest of my short life cursing the day I was born. That's why, I was ready to cling even to a foolish hope."

"...And you never told me anything about it."

"..." Maria's concern was genuine. But it didn't move Silvelune. "And what could you possibly have done for me, really? Give me your sympathy? Comfort? Even if I'd told you how I feel, nothing would have changed. It would have been a pointless burden for you too."

"That's a bit rude to say that after involving me anyway, don't you think?" Maria protested. "I'm the only one who decides what's pointless to me."

"... ...Things didn't go quite as well as I had expected. The Holy Grail War ended up happening. There's still a way for my wish to come true at the end, so I will fight regardless. That's what I had decided. I didn't have to involve you or anyone else, and yet..."

It was unlike someone like her to hold hope.

"I... I was scared, Maria. I was ready to chase my dream no matter the cost... but I never truly believed I could make it. In the Grail War, someone like me has a really high chance of dying, right? I should be used to the idea. It's always been like that. I'm not more scared of death than when I was little. But... I... I..."

"Silvy, are you okay?"

Her throat was awfully dry. Her head was aching and yet it seemed as though the pain was echoing throughout her entire body.

"I don't want to die alone! If I fought and died as a Master, no one would care! No one would even know! To you, I would have just disappeared overnight and never returned! I would just wither and die as the same me I was before I met you! I don't want to disappear... like this...!"

Silvelune had started shouting from the top of her lungs, unable to hold back these thoughts anymore. Incidentally, she also became restless. Maria had to struggle to maintain her balance all while trying to calm her down.

"Everything's fine, Silvy! I'm here!"

"If I had to die...! If I have to die... ... ...I want to be at your side until the end. I don't care what you see me as... I want you to be with me as Maria." Her breathing settled down and she eventually stopped moving. She had exhausted herself again. "But that's... selfish, isn't it...? There was no way... no way you'd come with me... for something so dangerous... I... I'm sorry... ... ... ... I'm sorry... ..."

"I know." Maria said gently. "I know you better than anyone else. But even I need some help sometimes, so it's fine if you tell me, okay? I'll always listen no matter what, and I won't reject you."

"That's not true... you've rejected some sides of me before..." Silvelune's voice grew as quiet as a whisper.

"But I'll never hate you for it. That's a promise!" Saying so, Maria walked faster. "Just you wait, I'm gonna find a good spot for you to rest. We'll think about what we'll do after that!"

"..."

...

...

...

...

...

"...Aren't you tired from carrying me...?" Silvelune whispered.

"Well, kinda. Because of a certain someone, I didn't get any exercise in months, so now I've got no muscle at all!" She replied. "But I can still do this; I've got to start getting them back anyway, so a little trek is nothing at all!"

"...You're always... full of energy..."

"I've been sleeping for a looong time, so you bet I do!"

"You'll be... watching over me... right...?"

It was funny, in a way. Silvelune had made a point of protecting her precious friend from any and all danger, but in truth Maria was the one who had always watched over her. Without her, she would never have found the strength to be here. Without her, she would have lived her life more dead than alive. Without her... there would be no holes in her armour.

"Of course I will. If I'm away, you might get weird ideas again, so I can't leave you on your own! And if someone tries to attack you, they'll get a taste of those hands! Even if I'm rusted, I'm stronger than both my dad and Leo put together!"

"And if I leave you alone... you will bite more than you can chew..." Silvelune sighed.

"You're one to talk! You know your limits better than anyone, right? So why would you even try to be a Master? Even if you're desperate, that's too harsh on yourself..."

"... ... ..."

"Mh? What did you say?"

"It..."

"Silvy?"

"...It wasn't supposed... to be like that..."

Silvelune found herself shivering from head to toe and her body was covered in gose bumps. She felt very cold all of the sudden, even though the wind wasn't blowing any stronger than before.

But there was also a fire burning, with hatred as a fuel.

"There wasn't supposed to be a Holy Grail War."

Thanks for reading.

This short chapter is a continuation of the last sort of, but it would have been too much to include it last time.

~Legends Storyteller