Jim and Len were the last to return to the farm. By the time thy pulled up the only light on inside the house was in the entryway. "Jim, let me take a look at that cut before we go to sleep. All you need is an infection right before the wedding."

"Alright, but I think you're over reacting."

"Did you see how filthy you are? God knows what pathogens are in that basement. Meet me in the kitchen."

There was always a medics bag in the hallway closet. After Tim's run in with the bull years before, the doctor decided there should be a full kit kept downstairs as well as upstairs. Jim turned on the kitchen lights, and grabbed two beers before sitting at the table. "Here Bones. I thought you could use one."

"Thanks. Let me see that arm."

Jim took his shirt off. It was a rag now with the three-inch rip in the sleeve. "I'll throw it in the rag bag. I hope Des can stay."

"He's a good man." Len went to the sink. Sometimes warm water on a soft towel was better that all the modern medical gadgets. He rang out the wash cloth, put on gloves, then straddled the bench as he sat next to Jim. "We'll make sure she has nothing to complain about. I'm going in the morning." He was gently cleaning around the wound.

"Good time to talk." He took a swig from his beer before looking at the doctor.

Len didn't look up from what he was doing. "It is. Not sure I'm looking forward to the therapist my lovely wife scheduled for us." The disinfecting beam was run down the length of the gash.

"Something we can agree on. I had to change the appointment. I'll be on my honeymoon."

"I wouldn't want to hold that up either." He had started the regen unit. "Where are you going?"

"Don't know." He looked down at his arm. The gash was turning into a thin pink line. Just then Gil walked in. "Hey, I didn't know you were up."

"Couldn't sleep. Edith's lawyer called."

Len turned his attention from Jim's arm. "I really wish you would just tell her to call your lawyer."

"That's the thing, my lawyer recused himself." He grabbed a beer from the fridge and joined the two men.

"Why would he do that?" Len stopped working and began to put the units away as he continued to dig for the hypos.

"Seems one of her lawyers is the daughter of the head of the practice I use."

"I really wish you would let the deadly duo upstairs help you. They have some very heavy hitters in their practice. There is this one young guy they stole from Daner and Daner in London. He has a reputation."

"Ouch, what the Fuck! Bones come on!" Len had stabbed him in the neck while Jim was paying attention to their conversation. "You already hit me with the tetanus shot."

"Prophylactic antibiotic and antiviral, only God knows what was down there."

"Len's right Gil, you should talk to them when you go shopping for new counsel."

"I will. Oh, Jim, where are you and Cal going after the wedding?"

"I don't know. Cal said it was up to me."

"So just staying in bed for a week?"

"I was also told that wasn't one of my options. Thought we could start making Len an uncle again."

Gil was laughing. "Or at least practice."

"You two know she's my favorite." He tried to sound reproachful but the other two knew better.

"I told her I would start looking around for a place. Your sister said she wants it to be a surprise. I'd much rather leave it up to her."

Gil finished his beer. "I have an idea. Don't say yes if you don't like it."

Len flipped his leg around so both men were facing their friend. Jim leaned forward as if in anticipation. "Well, are you going to save me?"

"Possibly, look at it as my wedding present. You won't have to plan anything."

"You are a true friend. What is it?"

"My family has a house in Edinburgh. It is very old, but it is located near some of the sites." Len was trying not to snicker. "We have a staff there and it is opened to the public, but I can close it for a week. Cal loves the city and there are plenty of places you two can go instead of staying in bed, but there is a wonderful bed with the best mattress."

"It really is comfortable Jim. Plus, there is a cannon that goes off I think around one in the afternoon. You'll like that. And there's that little shop near the river."

Gill was smiling. "The one with the custom Aran sweaters? I love the way that place smells. And you can see the northern lights from the top of the castle."

"Cal likes it there?"

"She loves it. When we walked the mile, she would run up to the castle then run all the way to the statue of William De Bruce and curtsey."

"I remember. She said he looked like a real king. There's someone to compete with kid, the King of the Scots."

"I think I'm pretty safe. Remember I'm Captain Kirk." He was laughing at the idea. Captain Kirk, if he said that to Cal, she might hit him, or worse yet look at him with sad eyes. The laughter stopped. "Thanks Gil, it sounds wonderful. Scotty keeps telling me how beautiful Scotland is. Now I'll find out if he is exaggerating."

"I'll call the staff and get it ready. Are you leaving the day after the wedding?"

"That would be perfect. Thanks again Gil. That is a perfect wedding present." Jim got up. "I need to get to bed. Spock and I are heading to Lancaster Pennsylvania tomorrow."

"Ah yes, Cal and her quilts. Night Jim."

"Good night kid. I'll see you when you get back. Where do you want to hide them when you get back?"

"Joce and Evan's place? I'll comm them."

"Oh, she'll keep them from my extremely nosey sister. Night."

"Good night Bones." They watched Jim as he started to climb the back stairs.

"Gil, want to join me in the sunroom?"

"I like that room. I'll grab some tea." Gil got up to make the tea. It wasn't long before the two men relaxed in the front room. "So, Lenny, what is this about?"

Len slid down into the couch. "I'm talking to Des tomorrow. I don't know. He just…" There was dead silence for a few minutes.

"Just what?"

"I need something and I doubt the psychologist can help me with it."

Gill knew this game. They had been playing it with each other for decades. "But a priest can?"

"Or an Iman, a minister, or Rabbi; Des knows me. I don't know why. He feels safe."

"And he has a heavy background in psych. No, I get it. This is more than the torture isn't it?"

Len had been sipping the tea. He knew Gil was studying him. For some reason it didn't bother McCoy, he knew the man cared. "It isn't about the torture. You know I think that is the least of it."

"Pavel?"

"Yeah. How long are you sticking around?"

"I don't know. How long do you want me?"

"Don't you have to go back to work soon?"

"Hell, I've been working every day. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not telling Jim about their honeymoon accommodations. Has Cal ever seen the northern lights?"

"No, we always came up in the spring. He'll love it. Gil, you can stay as long as you want. It's nice to have you here. So, Miranda?"

"Yeah, I keep looking around corners for Tucker."

"Don't worry, he won't do anything…most likely."

"Very funny. She said her contract is over and she's moving back to Earth. I think she's homesick."

"Never pictured her getting homesick. You should have married her years ago."

"Neither of us was ready. Now I can't."

"Give it time."

"I am going to try to get the kids. I decided that after the last message she left."

"You need to talk to the uncles. Did you ever think we would end up here?"

"In the sunroom sipping tea?"

"Very funny. No, responsible adults."

"Now that's uncalled for." He stood up and took Len's empty mug. "It's going to be alright Lenny. No matter what happens, it will be alright."

Len had been looking up at his friend before he stood. "Are you going to be around tomorrow?"

"Miranda and I are going to see Geoff."

"Really?"

"I'm done waiting. I'm asking and then I'll take her shopping."

"Can I offer a suggestion?"

"Sure."

"Ask her under the snow-covered pines near the pond. The scenery may distract her enough so she'll say yes."

"Funny."

"Worked for me; and I didn't have the benefit of the snow."

"Well, if it worked for you, I should be guaranteed a yes."

Both walked into the kitchen. "All kidding aside, you two were always meant for each other. You just needed to see who you really were."

"I know. I hope Jim likes Holyrood."

"He will. Cal's going to give him an entire history lesson."

"I hope she doesn't break out the skull." They were walking to the kitchen.

"Just don't remind her." The mugs were placed in the sink before they went up the stairs. "Night Gil."

"Night Lenny. I'll keep my comm with me tomorrow."

"No, you enjoy your day."

"I'll keep my comm with me." With that he left for his room as Len opened his bedroom door.

The lights were on. Seri had on a full-length white cotton nightgown with long, full, lace cuffed, sleeves. The fire danced in the fireplace. She was curled up in the far corner of the couch reading one of the books from the library. "I thought you were asleep. You look comfortable."

"I am. I wanted to wait up for you. You are filthy."

"Yeah. Give me a few minutes. I'll join you. Hey, you opened some wine."

"Is that a hint." He took off his top before smiling at her. "Alright." She went into their sitting room to get a glass as he climbed into a hot shower. A glass of the pinot noir was poured and placed next to hers on the coffee table, both hallway doors were locked. It wasn't long before Len joined her. He had dried off and hung his towel up, but didn't bother to dress before sitting down. "Aren't you cold?"

"No." His voice was dark and inviting. Len was sipping his wine as he continued to drink in the sight of his wife. The fire flickered its amber light onto her gown and skin. "I'm glad you stayed up."

Seri could feel him deep in her core. She slinked across the couch to him, turned and slid in backwards so she sat between his leg that was still on the couch and the one on the floor. "Now this is comfortable." She had pulled her nightgown up so her naked ass rested in front of his dick and balls. The garment was full, allowing for easy access.

"Do you want a sip?"

"No, I already had a couple of glasses." She wiggled in closer.

He finished his glass then put it on the table. Seri's head rested back on his chest. She could feel his breath on her forehead. "I was wondering Mrs. McCoy?"

"Yes Mr. McCoy?"

"Were you doing anything early tomorrow morning?"

She stretched her neck back so she could look into his eyes. "No, I am going into town with Cal to finalize the flowers and the caterer." He kissed her on the forehead again. "Mama said there were some reporters in town again." Len's grip relaxed as his brow furrowed. "Don't worry, they're gone. They heard we got married is all. I think they are starting to give up on Taccoa."

He pulled her in flush with his front. His face softened. "They are protective. You think we can get Jim married without the press finding out?"

"I think so. We only have a few more days. Mmmmm, this is nice."

"Gil is giving Jim and Cal a place to honeymoon as a wedding present."

Her head dropped down to cuddle into his chest under his chin. "Where?"

"Edinburgh, you remember the place. We stayed there right before we left for the Enterprise."

"Oh! The pretty place with the ornate plaster ceiling?"

"Yes. He'll love the ruins that are attached. Plus, she'll have fun walking the mile to the castle. Cal loves the mile. Gil said the northern lights will be putting on a show then."

"Very romantic. We should make sure their room is filled with flowers."

"And maybe have them put some scotch in the room?"

"That would be perfect. I'll have a snack basket sent as well. You know something?"

Len's eyes were closed as he drunk in the smell of his wife's hair. "What Mrs. McCoy?"

"I could get used to this, just us in front of the fire."

"I don't think Scotty put one in our quarters."

"You should talk to him about that." She could feel him poking against her lower back. She shifted until she was lined up with him. Anticipation caused him to inhale and close his eyes.

Len tuned them so they were both facing the fire, her inbetween his legs, all of their feet flat on the floor. It took her less than a minute to line him up and join with him. Seri leaned back until her back was flush with his front. No words were necessary as they each lost themselves.

She knew what was bothering him, but he didn't want to talk about it. There were times Len didn't want to talk, didn't want to feel. His wife knew when it was best to leave him and when she needed to force him to confront his emotions. Tonight, there was no real need to force the issue. He wanted to talk to Des. Tonight, they would enjoy themselves.

He could feel her. The bonding had taken and there was really no time that he didn't feel as one with his wife. He held her tight against him as he thrusted up, filling her. Their cheeks touched as she put her weight further back onto him. It wasn't long before their moans needed to be swallowed into a deep kiss. Slender fingers entangled themselves in thick dark hair pulling him in even closer.

She came first milking him towards his own orgasm. Everything went white for the doctor. It was a white fire that enveloped him, consumed him. All of the days fears and doubts disappeared if only for a time. This was home, this was all he needed. As his orgasm hit, he thrusted hard into her, holding her tighter as he filled her.

"Fuck that was amazing."

"I'm glad I waited up."

"I love this nightgown. You should wear it more often."

Seri rested back against him. He was still in her. Ever since their complete bonding she noticed he would usually have multiple orgasms. "I can tell you like it." She stood up carefully then turned to sit in his lap This time she faced her husband. "I could get used to this."

His fingers traced the hem of her nightgown. "Arms up Peaches." The nightgown was removed allowing her to feel his skin against hers as she leaned against his chest. His hands danced along her back. Skin as soft as rose petals shivered under his steady touch.

He buried his face into her neck. She always smelled like home. He felt her giggles before he heard them. His face pulled back. "Your beard itches."

"Oh, how does this feel?" Lips crashed together as he slammed into her. "No more giggles?"

Seri felt as though all of the air had left the room. "No, no more giggles." She moved her hips with his help. As she rode him, she thought about all those years ago when she slept next to him at the Academy as friends. She knew now that her love for him began at that coffee shop and wouldn't end until she was in the ground under the pines. The came together, holding tight, loving as one.

In the end she rested against him, their sweat mingling in a line between their chests. "I was thinking." His fingers played with her long wavy hair. "You probably should stop having drinks."

She sat up quickly. "Why? I don't drink that often."

Len chuckled as he moved her hair to behind her shoulders. "No, but we have been playing a lot, and Joseph did deactivate your birth control." He was looking at the freckles on her shoulders as he spoke. With his last word he stared into her eyes.

"Dr. McCoy, you know the chances of me getting pregnant within the first month after deactivation is almost nil. Even I remember that from my obgyn. rotation. There is a good chance I won't even be regular for a few months."

"True, I was just thinking."

"It's alright. I won't drink anymore. Probably shouldn't if we are trying. I guess you are just going to have to help me relax since I can't use alcohol." She started to trace along his sternum to his abdominal muscles.

"I could do that. But tonight, I have to get to bed. I don't think I could go again."

She contracted her walls around his still hard dick. "Alright, but we could both use a shower. This bonded thing definitely has its perks."

"What, if you're horny so am I?"

"And the other way around. I'm glad you're talking to Des."

"I just feel I don't know…safer with him. And there are a few things I need to talk out."

"The nightmares?"

"Among other things. You have to know what I've been thinking."

"I do, but you need to say it and I won't force you. There is something I need you to know."

"That no matter what you love me and are with me?"

"See, it does come in handy. I'm talking to Ms. Troy tomorrow. Dad set up breakfast for me and her. She said she can tell me how to control the bonding so we won't hear everything the other one is thinking, unless we want to. According to dad it will take a lot of practice. But as he made clear to me, he was never blessed by the deities so he never had a bond."

"After what I saw I believe that. I do like that I can feel you no matter where I am." He had started to soften. "We should get a shower before we can't move."

Carefully Seri stood. Len stood after she moved to the side. His ass was as round and firm as the day the met. She loved to watch her husband when he was naked. Every muscle was perfectly defined. "You know this working on the farm has been good for you."

He was almost at the door to the bathroom. "You like what you see?"

"Always." His head motioned for her to join him. They spent time relaxing under the hot water before drying off and crawling under the soft flannel sheets. Sleep came quickly.

Roscoe and Athos were up at their usual time, and even though they were in their coop, they still managed to wake the household. Seri pulled the pillow over her head. "Stay in bed Peaches, they'll stop soon enough. I want to talk to Jim before he and Spock leave. Shit!"

She moved the pillow. "What?"

"The PADD is flashing. Let me go see." He swung his legs off the bed and opened the PADD. "Oh, well that is interesting."

"What is? Your thoughts are everywhere, and I'm still half asleep." She shuffled herself to his side of the bed and sat up, trying to read over his shoulder. "Is that from Jake?"

"Yeah, He wants a meeting with all of us. It says it needs to be tonight; you, me, Jim, and Cal."

"He also suggests we bring in George, and Jaz. This is definitely interesting."

There was a knock at the bedroom door. Len threw on underwear as Seri put on her nightgown. He opened the door to disheveled Jim and half asleep Cal. Jim pushed past him to flop on the couch. "I need to learn to turn the PADD to mute. I assume you got Jake's message. Oh, morning Seri."

"Morning, Jimmy, Cal." Cal climbed onto the bed as Len joined Jim on the couch.

"Morning Sis. Sorry about this."

"It's fine, Roscoe and Athos were both up already." She snuggled into her brother's pillow.

Len flopped down. "What's up kid. I doubt you'd be banging on our door this early just because of Jake's message."

"I got the schedule for the press conference. It is tomorrow."

"At least it isn't the day before the wedding. Let me see that." Jim handed him the PADD. "Oh."

"Yeah. I'm changing this. You will be with me, and Spock will be with Sulu and Scotty. Seri and Nyota are together. They can take it this way, or not at all. Their choice."

Len was staring at the PADD. "Ok."

"Bones, I've got this. You are with me." Len's eyes held the fear he felt deep in his soul. What if they did separate them, what if he had to go in alone the way Starfleet was insisting. "Len, did you hear what I just said?"

"Huh?"

"I thought so. Listen to me. You won't go in there without me. What's the worst they can do to me."

"Court martial you for insubordination."

"Me, the greatest captain in Starfleet history?" Cal and Seri looked at him skeptically. "That's according to the media not me. They won't. Right now, I have some leeway. Might as well enjoy it while I have it. Trust me, I have this. Wish it wasn't this week, with the wedding and all, but at least we can get it over with sooner."

"Yeah. It's fine. Dress?"

"Civilian, semi casual; I'm not allowing video or pictures. That was already agreed. Wonder what Jake wants?"

"What? Oh, no idea. It must be something if we all have to be there." He was still nervous, but if Jim said he would take care of things, Len needed to trust that the kid would. McCoy looked a Jim. "I trust you Jim."

Kirk knew what that meant. Len trusted very few, but he trusted him. "I know. I've got this." He got up and patted the older man on the shoulder. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"You are going to town today. Can you go to Geoff's and tell him Cal and I will be there later this afternoon? I should be back by fifteen hundred at the latest."

"Alright. I have to get to Des's early. Scotty and Jayla said they would put everything together. I don't think he trusts me."

"He may have a point."

"Thanks, I'm not that bad."

"No, but they are better."

"Alright. I wanted to know about when you'll be back, but you answered that. See you at the kitchen table say around nineteen hundred?"

"Perfect. It's going to be a long day. Hey where are the women?" They hadn't noticed Seri grab her clothes and follow Cal out of the room.

"God only knows. We should get ready before the entire house is up."

Len and Jim got dressed quickly each headed down different staircases to the kitchen. Both Seri and Cal were finishing breakfast. Cal grabbed their plates and put them in the dishwasher. "Before you ask, we are going to town to firm things up. Also, we have to go for our final fittings."

Seri finished her juice. "We'll grab the tuxes. They were all supposed to be done by late this morning. Also, Jayla will need another dress. She said she would be at St. Basil's with Scotty and would meet us at the dress shop near Uncle George's office. Nyota is coming with us."

Len had made a bowl of oatmeal while Jim fried some bacon and eggs. "Make sure the bill for the dresses comes here."

Seri nodded before giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to the coop before we leave. We're running low on eggs." Jim turned quickly to look at her. "We didn't have many yesterday. It isn't because of you." She leaned over her husband who was concentrating on his bowl as if he were studying an open chest cavity. "I'll be in town for awhile if you need me. I'll be meeting with Mrs. Troy for an early brunch. She will go over ways to block each other. If you need me…"

"I'll reach out." He kissed her on the cheek before turning back to his breakfast.

Cal called across the kitchen. "You're meeting with Mrs. Troy?"

"Yeah, that's why I only had a little fruit. You should join us. She'll love you. I know she liked Jim the first time they met."

"Jim put her on the guest list."

"Kiddo, I didn't think you would mind and she is one of the funniest people I have ever met."

"Uncle Jaz will be happy I hope." Cal looked a little concerned.

"Oh, dad loves her. The Troys are a terrific family. Plus, they can't stand my mother or sister."

Len snickered. "Your dad must love that."

"More than you know." She took the two baskets from the counter before gabbing her coat and leaving for the coop.

Cal gave Jim a quick kiss before following her sister-in-law. "Bones, those two are going to be the death of me."

"I'll be in the ground right next to you. Hey Spock, Nyota." The couple walked into the kitchen. "The ladies are heading to the coop."

Nyota smiled. "That's my cue. Lenny, I need to talk to you later. When will you be around?"

"Later this afternoon. I have a meeting here at nineteen hundred, but I should be back around fourteen hundred. I don't know, catch me around then."

She kissed Spock on the cheek, smiled at the other two then ran after her partners in crime. Jim's eyes followed her out the door. "Now, that's concerning."

"I believe doctor she wants to discuss the possibility of us having children in the future."

Len finished his breakfast. "I'll talk to her."

Jim seemed a little shocked. "Bones, you aren't even a little surprised?"

"Naw, we are all getting to that part of our lives, and I know she always wanted kids." He stood putting his bowl in the sink. "I'll see you when you get back." With that he left for town.

"The doctor does not seem well this morning."

"He'll be alright Spock. He just needs to sort some things out. Let me finish eating so we can get going." It didn't take Kirk long to finish breakfast. He relished the farm fresh breakfasts, but this morning he knew he had to hurry if they wanted to catch the first shuttle out. "I'll drive."

"Are you sure. Vulcan's have better eyesight in the dark."

"And we have headlights." They left for the shuttle just as the ladies came back with the eggs.

They all piled into the van. Cal got into the driver's seat. "I hate this thing, but we need it to hang the dresses and tuxes." With that she pushed a control button and a bar extended across the back near the rear doors.

The street lights cast an amber glow over the main street as Len took in the sight of the darkened shops. The light from the St. Basil's basement was the only building light in the town. He pulled the truck into the church parking lot and looked at the time. It was six thirty in the morning. He didn't realize how early it was when the crowing started. No wonder Seri wanted to hide under the pillows. Roscoe and Athos were getting up earlier every year.

McCoy could hear cursing from the basement as he exited the car. Half laughing, he came to the outside basement door. "Des, such language!"

"You should have been here earlier."

"How long have you been here?"

"Since about four, Mustafa's coming after Fajr. He said he can help with the shelves and organization after he talks to Allah."

Len tried but couldn't stifle his laughter. "Smart man. Let's see what you have. All the trash seems to be gone. The dumpster is still here if you have anything else."

"Just my carcass after I slit my wrists." He looked around the boxes at Len. "Just a joke doctor."

"Let's get these set up for the next shift." The men began sorting the boxes. Each box was opened and a cursory list written on the end of the box. Sarah and Joce would do a more thorough job when they did their cataloguing. This would look good for the bishop and that was all that mattered.

"So, doctor you said you wanted to talk." He hoisted one of the heavier boxes onto the stack he had lined up against the short wall on the opposite side of the basement from the doors.

Len took his box to the stack where Des was standing. "I think I said I needed to talk." Just then Mustafa came in with Scotty and Jayla behind him.

Scotty had his arms filled with shelf braces. "Mornin' doctor, father. The engineering crew is here."

Jayla was carrying their tool bags and the Iman had some resealable bins to handle the overflow of things that came from the boxes that had disintegrated the night before. "You two are filthy, and Des, you look like hell. Let us finish up."

"This is my mess. I don't want to saddle you with it."

"You still have some things to tend to, let me help with this." His eyes motioned to the doctor that was helping sweep the area where the shelves would be built.

"I know. Thanks, Stafa."

"Josh is coming after the painters get to the sanctuary. That roof leak left a huge stain."

"I bet. Stafa, I owe all of you."

"You owe us nothing brother." He clapped the priest's shoulder before joining the engineers.

Len was crouched down in front of the shelves that Jim had put the statue on the night before. Des put his hand on the man's shoulder. "Follow me doctor."

Without looking at each other the men walked up to the monsignor's office. Des flopped into his chair as Len looked around the office, then out the window to the back gardens now covered in snow. "So how do we start this? Bless me father for I have sinned?"

"That depends, are you looking for absolution?"

McCoy continued to look out the window. "I don't know. Maybe? Des?"

"Yeah?"

"How long have we known each other?"

"Long enough for me to remember the time you decided it would be a good idea to reroute the stream and the Johnson back forty ended up under four inches of water. Mama somehow decided we all had a hand in it and we all had to fix it."

Len was chuckling. "That was a week. And we did all have a hand in it."

"That's beside the point." Des needed him calmer if this was going to be a productive meeting. Seri had talked to him before they got back to Earth. Len didn't know it, but if he talked, really talked to the priest he would not have to see the psychologist in Atlanta.

All the town's religious leaders were trained as therapists. They weren't full psychologists, but if Len was more comfortable with Des, he would be better served by the priest than any psychologist she could find for him. The doctor's background in psychology caused problems at times. He was a horrible patient; he always knew where the therapist or psychologist was going in the session. With Des he might let his guard down.

Len slowly walked to the couch across the room from the desk. Des moved to sit next to him. "I don't know. Absolution isn't for men like me." He was leaning forward staring a hole into the floor.

"What kind of man is that?"

"One who takes the easy way out."

Des managed to maintain his professional face. He wasn't ready for that response. "When did you take the easy way out?"

"When things get too difficult, like they did with Pavel and my dad. I do what is easier for me."

Imperceptibly Des took a deep breath. He was at the McCoy house in the days after David's death. He came back to be there if they needed him; Cal and Lena did, Len shut down completely. "Alright, lets talk about that."

Len went to stand but a firm hand on his arm kept him in place. Des knew that, for McCoy, pacing was a way to self-soothe and it could cause him to hide within himself again. It was something a psychologist unfamiliar with the doctor would have missed. Self-soothing isn't usually a bad thing, but for Len it allowed him to hide from his pain instead of facing it. "I take it you have spoken to my wife."

"You know I have. But we didn't talk about anything specific. I only know what you tell me."

Len went back to staring at the floor, arms resting on his knees, fingers laced. "Dad was dying. He was in pain and I killed him."

"I have a feeling there is more to it than that."

"Maybe, but that is the result. I killed him. Then I did the same thing to Pavel. Why watch them suffer when I can just stop it and not have to deal."

"Len, lets talk about David. I knew about his illness, my parents told me."

"Yeah."

"Tell me about his illness. All I know is the name." He was leading the doctor down the path of realization.

Len allowed him to do it, if it had been any other therapist, he would have verbally eviscerated the person. "It effects the nerves. It weakens the patient, but it also causes extreme pain. The pain is so intense there is nothing that can alleviate it. It feels like your skin is burning off your body. Nothing stopped it. You know Mama was there every day. I don't know why, but she was."

"Love?"

"No, I thought so, but no. I think obligation and appearance. He begged me to stop the pain. I knew there was research, but it had been two steps forward, one step back. I didn't think they would have a breakthrough. I didn't think." Tears had started, but Des didn't acknowledge them. "He begged me to make it stop. He begged me to kill him. You know he was a son-of-a-bitch. Sometimes I think I wanted him to ask me, that I wanted the research to fail. Then I could kill him without remorse."

"Without remorse?"

Len went to drag his sleeve to wipe his nose when the priest handed him a few tissues. "I guess I have a problem with that one. I'd say Catholic guilt but…"

"You're not Catholic. Len, did you want him dead? Think about this very carefully."

"What is said in here is just between us? I know this isn't actually a confessional."

"It is as far as the sanctity of the confessional is concerned."

"I wanted him dead. I wanted him to suffer, and I got that. Then I wanted him dead." His hands were shaking more than they had even during the Mylus mission. "I hated him for years. I hated him."

"What led to that hatred? Or did you hate him for no reason?"

"You know why?"

"Do I?" He did know some of it. The verbal abuse had been evident, but only Gil and Seri knew about the physical. Des knew there had to be more to the story than he knew, he just had to get Len to trust him enough to tell him everything.

"He…Des I can't."

He leaned in a little closer to the doctor. "You can. Tell me." Len was still looking at the floor. "Len, look at me. Talk to me. You can tell me anything."

"Can I? Des, I… Seri knows, so does Gil. No one else. They may suspect, but they don't know."

"I will never say anything, not to Seri, not to Gil, not to Lana. This is just us."

"I'm not who you think I am.""

"Who are you?"

"I'm weak. I was always weak. David knew it, the Mylans knew it."

Des knew their conversation was veering off, but he felt this was what was at the core of all of Len's deeply seated self-hatred. "Why do you say that?"

"Because that is why they used me as a punching bag. If I was strong, he wouldn't have beaten me bloody for years and the Mylans wouldn't have singled me out."

That was it. That was the core of the issues. "You think the fact that you were weak was why David abused you?"

"If I wasn't, he would have left me alone. He would have…" Again, he tried to stand, the hand was back on his arm.

"Would he have? How old were you when it started?"

"Around eight, maybe nine." Des handed him more tissues and moved the trash bin closer.

"So, do you think that you were weak, or were you just a small child?"

"I don't know?"

"Who did you tell?"

"No one. I didn't want anyone to know. He only went after me. I didn't want him to turn on anyone else."

"Did he tell you not to tell anyone?"

Len had to think hard. He went back decades in his mind. Everything was a little hazy, it had been so long. "Yes. He said it was his word against mine and I needed to remember who he was. No one would believe me."

"Who was he?"

"My father."

"And what else?"

"Emory's surgical director?"

"Which of those meant something to you as a child?"

Len's voice became a whisper. "He was my father. He was bigger than me then, but I let him beat me even when I could have taken him. When I was fourteen, I was taller than him, but I was weak."

"All those years and you never told anyone?"

"Yeah. Ginny adored him and honestly, I thought Mama and Cal did as well. I just had to stay out of his way until I left for University. I couldn't let anyone know there was a problem. So once a year when the ladies went away with grandma and grandpa I stayed behind. That was when it was the worst. Des, if I told them, fuck, Mama would have blamed herself. I knew that when I got older, I knew it. I couldn't let her do that. It wasn't her fault."

"And it wasn't yours either. Think about this. Who did you think about while he was beating you?"

"I…" He thought long and hard. Did he think about himself? No, he was always the least important person in his life. He never mattered, at least not to him. "Mama, Cal, Ginny, they needed to believe in him. Grandma and Grandpa couldn't know what their son was. He was their son."

"And you think you are weak?" Des shifted his position so he was ever so slightly closer. Len was falling and he might need the closeness.

"Maybe."

"You were a small child, then you were a young man more concerned with those he loved then with himself. That doesn't sound like a weak man to me." He took a deep breath before continuing. "If that man were your patient, would you think he was weak?"

Again, Len found himself forced to look at his past through another's eyes. "No, no it doesn't."

"Tell me about that man. Tell me who he was."

"He was a man who wanted the best for his family, who wanted them to love him." He started to cry harder. The tears were for the little boy beaten with a belt, told he was dirt; they were for the young man, beaten bloody, told he was a disappointment and would never be as good as his father. "Why, why would he do it?"

"Because he knew he would never be the man you were. Because he was weak. Because he was never good enough."

"Good enough for what?"

"At being a son, a husband, a father, and later a doctor. He saw in you what he wanted to be. Even in that last hospital room he knew you would have the strength to do what he could never do himself."

"He was too weak. He physically wasn't capable."

"Are you sure? From what I have seen during my time ministering in hospitals it wouldn't take much for someone who knew how to operate one of those units to turn it off, even if they could barely move."

"Are you condoning suicide Monsignor?" There was a coldness in the doctor's voice that Des had never heard directed at him before this.

"No, just pointing out that if that was the path he wanted to take he could have. He chose to have you do it. Why do you think that was?"

"I don't fucking know. Why don't you tell me?"

Des had been waiting for this. It was better than him falling down his rabbit hole, but now Len felt cornered, and when cornered this man, the man who thought himself weak, always came out fighting. "No. You tell me."

This time when Len tried to stand, Des allowed him. McCoy walked to the window. "Because he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to do it."

"Why did he choose you?"

Flurries floated down from the grey-white sky. "Because he knew I would do it. I would do it and it would destroy me."

"Because he knew you were strong enough. Because he knew you."

"He hated me as much as I hated him."

"He hated you because he couldn't be you. Why did you hate him?"

"Aren't you supposed to tell me I shouldn't hate, that it's a sin?"

"No. Why did you hate him?"

"Because he beat me."

"Partially correct, but far too easy don't you think doctor?" There was a very long silence as he waited for McCoy's answer.

"Probably. I hated him for what he wanted me to be. I hate him for trying to beat me into being him. I hate him for what he did to all of us. I hate him for what he did to Mama and Cal, but more than them, I hate him for what he did to Ginny."

Des noticed the tense shift. The hatred was still there, tearing at the man through the experiences of the boy. "In the end you were the better man."

"Was I? I still hate him. Damn it, I still hate him."

"I pity him."

McCoy turned so fast he almost lost his balance. "Pity him? How could you pity him Father?" The venom was back.

"Because he was a failure. Because he died knowing that. He was forced to ask compassion from the man he tortured for years. He was forced to beg you for help. For that I feel pity."

Len had never seen it that way. He had never seen that side of it; always believing David wanted to destroy him from beyond the grave. He never thought of his dad being the weak one, the one who needed to beg. After a couple of minutes, the falling snow regained his attention. "I was the strong one. I was the one my grandparents chose. Damn."

"Damn?"

"I should have seen it. Fuck."

"You see it now. Forgiveness will come in time."

"Forgiveness? Why should I forgive him? He spent my life trying to destroy me."

"The forgiveness is for you, not for him. Let it go and you can move forward. We can work on the damage that was done, but forgiveness will help you."

"I know. I know you're right. I guess they're right."

"Who are?"

"Jim, Seri, Gil, all of them."

"About what?"

"They said I am the strongest man they know. I won't go that far, but maybe I am stronger than I thought."

"There's a start."

"I guess we're done."

Des got up to join the doctor. "For now." Len looked confused. "I'll talk to Seri. If she agrees you will be seeing me once a week. She didn't want to release you to an unsuspecting psychologist if at all possible."

"That's my wife." Len laughed slightly as he wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. "You think she feels the same about Jim?"

"She does, but I am not the right therapist for him. Even I can't handle both of you. Come here." He led Len to his private bathroom. There were a few hand towels in the cabinet. He turned on the warm water as he handed Len one of the towels. "We should at least wash our faces. Lana will say we look like chimney sweeps."

"We are slightly dirty." The hand towels were quickly turning black as the men worked on cleaning their faces. "Des, thanks for today. I know I have a way to go."

"But it's a start. Think about what we talked about. Let me know about your conclusions at our next meeting. It will be after the wedding. Where are they going on their honeymoon?"

"Gil's place in Edinburgh. I just know Cal is going to show Jim the skull. She won't tell him it is a plaster cast until she does the whole King of the Scots speech."

"I remember that speech. I think the wife hanging in a cage outside of some castle was the end of the history lesson for Lana."

"Cal enjoys making it gruesome. How do I look."

"Ugly as ever, but clean. How about me?"

"Same. They should be done the basement by now."

"I hope so, it's been two and a half hours."

"Oh, maybe we should grab brunch. My treat. Then I need to drip by Geoff's"

"Let's go." The two men went to the basement before they left. It was perfect, shelves lined the walls holding boxes labeled for cataloging. "I need to thank them. I never thought it could look this good."

"Miracles can happen." Brunch was calm. Both men enjoyed the relaxed feeling between the two of them that had been missing for many years. Des was convinced that this was the beginning of a better life for the good doctor.