Chapter 102
Amanda woke blearily to orange light, soft sheets and the strange sound of… was that someone crying? Moving to rest on her elbow, Amanda felt her muscles burn with pain and flopped back on the mattress. The sound continued. Despite the protests of her neck muscles she managed to lift her head to see…
"T'Pen?"
The girl lay crouched by the side of her bed, holding Amanda's free hand with her forehead pressed against it. A strange moaning or was it a groaning sound? coming from underneath the child's headscarf.
Amanda struggled upright.
"T'Pen, what is it? What's wrong?" she said, highly alarmed by this behavior.
T'Pen finally glanced up showing eyes bloodshot green. Her small fingers gripping her hand so tightly it almost hurt.
"My lady, it's all my fault," she whispered.
Amanda blinked. Her fault?
T'Pen lowered her head again to look at Amanda's hand and with her small fingers she gently caressed the palm and fingers crisscrossed with hundreds of tiny paper cuts glowing angry and red. Amanda suddenly realized how much those burned.
Amanda bit her lip to stop herself from frowning.
"I'm so sorry," T'Pen whimpered.
Amanda's heart felt like it had suddenly dropped through the floor. Surely, she wasn't thinking…?
"T'Pen, this is not your fault…" she tried to explain but T'Pen interrupted.
"I should not have let you come to my recital. If you had not come then you would not have been punished," T'Pen's voice broke.
Amanda pulled lightly on T'Pen's hand and the girl reluctantly allowed herself to be pulled into Amanda's lap. As T'Pen's head rested on Amanda's shoulder, she quietened.
"You can't take responsibility for events outside of your control, T'Pen," Amanda whispered gently. "I chose to see you dance. It was not up to you to decide."
T'Pen made as if to speak but Amanda continued.
"Besides this was not really a punishment."
Amanda lifted her free hand and turned it inquisitively to look at the scratch marks that had already sealed themselves overnight.
"It was more of a chore and these scratches will be gone in a matter of days. I have had to do much worse in my time," she said, comforting.
T'Pen still looked unsure.
"And it was a privilege to attend your recital. I have never seen anyone dance as beautifully as you," Amanda complimented. "And if I had the same choice again, I would have done exactly the same."
T'Pen cast her eyes down, looking troubled.
"But I am a missing piece," she said as if that explained everything.
Amanda couldn't help the corner of her mouth pulling up at that.
"You're not a missing piece anymore T'Pen because you fit right here with me," Amanda said, squeezing her upper arm reassuringly.
T'Pen's eyes widened before nodding in agreement. Then almost shyly, she asked:
"Does T'Sang fit with us too?"
Amanda froze, the question catching her off guard. Consciously she relaxed her shoulders before replying:
"She will always have a place here but I'm afraid it is time for her to walk a different path."
Later that evening, Amanda followed T'Pen's small form out of the compound. Amanda's feet dragged with dread at the knowledge of who they were going to meet and what for. Amanda had slept until late afternoon to recover from the pla-savas ordeal and a rotten headache that had threatened her whenever she had tried to stand. She guessed it was due to being too dehydrated from the night before. Even though she felt better now there was nothing that would prepare her for what she was about to do. Or more accurately, what she was about to try and do.
The diplomatic dinner was less than two weeks away which left Amanda little time to practice her promised performance of the evening – dancing. She shook her head as she walked. She was a fool to have considered this a good idea. She had some talent for yoga, that was certain, but dancing required coordinated movement to music. She was going to make a fool of herself and she knew it. However, T'Pen wasn't going to let her worm her way out of it. She had insisted they start practicing right away so that meant at night when it was the coolest part of the day. This part Amanda had no quarrel with but the real problem Amanda found with T'Pen's plan was that T'Pen insisted they enlist the help of her mistress: T'Nerrin.
Amanda gripped her satchel as they walked through the empty clan hall and towards the classroom that T'Pen trained in. The corridors were so dark that when Amanda had slowed down to carefully feel her way along the passages, T'Pen had reached out to grab her gloved hand to lead the way.
When they arrived at the appointed place the room was lit with a number of lamps dangling at varying heights around the outside of the room. Amanda saw on the far side of the room her old rival's lean form kneeling in a meditation position. At their arrival, she strode forward impatiently. She looked her up and down, calculating.
"You are not in the appropriate attire. Change. Quickly," she instructed.
Amanda, not wanting to pick a fight with T'Pen's beloved teacher, merely nodded and began to quickly remove her blue robe. Standing in bare feet, leggings and a vest, she approached T'Nerrin again.
T'Nerrin paced around her to examine her stature. Amanda stood still, a little entranced by the way her plaited loops swayed as she walked. If she hadn't been looking at her so sternly Amanda admitted that she would be rather beautiful.
"You do not have much muscle strength," she finally commented.
Her harsh words seemed at odds with the softness of her voice.
"Show me how far you can stretch," she instructed.
Amanda looked to T'Pen for guidance and followed her through a series of stretches both standing and on the floor. T'Pen appeared to have no limitation but Amanda was not so lucky. Although pretty good by human standards she was far more limited than T'Pen.
T'Nerrin made no comment as they finished. Walking forward she presented Amanda with a copper-colored belt with chimes dangling from it. She fitted it around Amanda's waist before handing her bracelets and anklets in the same design. As she moved around the chimes jangled in an awful fashion. Amanda had the sinking realization that this was more than just coordinated movement to music. Her movements would be the music.
"You will copy my movements exactly," T'Nerrin instructed, before spinning round neatly.
Starting with her core she demonstrated how tilting her hips produced a different sound from twisting her hips, lifting her ankles, rolling her ankles, lifting her wrists and flicking her wrists before proceeding to combine these in different combinations all together. Once Amanda had grasped that, T'Nerrin then began to move about the room, spinning and gliding in a kaleidoscope of different figures.
T'Pen followed this all effortlessly, appearing to not even need to look at her teacher to be able to anticipate her next move. Mesmerized by their synchronized movement, Amanda hadn't realized that she had stopped until T'Nerrin chastised her.
"Stop staring, human. You are not here to watch," she said, glaring at her with eyes like daggers.
Amanda flinched. Ever since she had become a shu-pal talsu she had not experienced any overt discrimination. Amanda clenched her jaw. She was about to lecture T'Nerrin that her species shouldn't be used as a derogatory term when T'Pen gestured at her to carry on. Sighing, Amanda shrugged off the impulse and settled back in place behind them.
"I will demonstrate one more time before you must perform this without me so pay attention," T'Nerrin instructed.
Taking a deep breath, Amanda attempted to clear her mind before settling herself in the starting position. This was going to be a long night…
It was a few days before Amanda saw T'Sang again. After spending the day working with the Vulcan cook that Sarek had recommended to determine the dinner service for the meal, Amanda had spent the evening in the great hall with the rest of the clan.
T'Sang had been serving at the clan meals but had not made eye contact with her even once. Tonight, however, she approached the ring of seating where Amanda and T'Pen sat. She looked pale and withdrawn as she knelt next to Amanda.
"It is good to see you again, T'Sang. I was beginning to worry about you," Amanda said softly, trying to show the girl that she bore her no ill will.
"I apologize for my absence, my lady," she mumbled, staring at the floor.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before a couple across from them in the circle said goodnight and retired to their rooms.
Now that they were alone in the ring, Amanda turned to face the girl that had once taught her what it was like to be an unbonded and kept her out of trouble all those months ago.
"T'Sang, I owe you an apology. I should never have lost control of my emotions as I did. I hope in time you can forgive me,"
"There is nothing to forgive," T'Sang said uneasily. Her eyes shifting away, unable to return Amanda's gaze.
Amanda was unsure what to say. It seemed that the distance between them loomed large even though they sat so close that all Amanda had to do was reach out and touch her. Amanda had the urge to crush her into a bear hug but knew that was totally unacceptable. Just how was she going to convey to this girl that she didn't hold her infatuation with her husband against her?
"I did not come to demand an apology. In fact, I carry a message from your master," T'Sang said quietly.
Amanda's spine straightened. A message?
"He says that the arrangements have been made. The concert will be held outside the city limits in the nearby canyon to a select audience in three days' time. Both yourself and Ambassador Sarek have been invited."
He had really done it, Amanda thought. Socran will have another chance to audition for the guild! Amanda's toes curled in excitement. She turned to thank T'Sang but the girl had already left. In an instant her happiness fizzled out and a deep sadness tugged in her gut as she realized: there was no way they could go back to the way things were before.