Chapter CXII – The Downpour

The storm didn't let up even the next day.

Karnwyr was hardly as excited about it as he'd been before. The minute that he heard Bishop's whistle, he rushed back to them into the cavern, only to start barking wildly and fidgeting nervously when he reached them. It was clear that the traces of the werewolf's scent riled him uncomfortably.

He stayed vigilant the entire night. It gave Bishop and Aeyrin time for a comfortable secure sleep, but the wolf looked a little worse for wear after all that time awake. He traipsed after them morosely the next day on their way to Whiterun while the raindrops continued soaking his skin continuously.

"What if we stopped by a giant's camp? Would you like that?" Aeyrin rubbed his fur encouragingly, but he only huffed in disinterest.

"He's just pissed off because the werewolf didn't come back. He didn't get his chance to assert his dominance," Bishop chuckled, eliciting a rather antagonistic growl from the wolf.

It looked like Bishop was right.

"Maybe he'll feel better in the city. We can hide from the rain at least," Aeyrin shrugged. In the meantime, Karnwyr rubbed himself on her leg as if he was attempting to have her soak up some of the water. It was not like that was happening with her armor on. He gave up, after a spell, and he walked to do the same to Bishop's soaking leather armor instead.

"Yeah, you can annoy Lydia and get underfoot while she's doing her melee practice," Bishop chuckled.

At that, Karnwyr finally barked excitedly. Who knew that bothering Lydia was more fun for him than bothering the giants?

Before they could continue towards the city, a familiar roar echoed through the plains from distance.

Their heads snapped immediately towards the horizon – in the direction of the mountains between the plains and Morthal, right by the small hunter's rest where they had spent the night after their first dragon encounter.

The beast soared around the peaks around the pass. It was far from them, but its roar still managed to boom across the plains, despite the raging storm.

It was hard to see in that weather, but it looked a little small and… colorful.

Recognition dawned on them instantly. It was the same one that had rendered her unconscious near Solitude. Well… at least it was the same type… or whatever.

Aeyrin started to fidget nervously and Bishop threw her a concerned look.

"Let's… let's just go on, sweetness. It's pretty far. Maybe we can get to the city before…"

"Before it can start to attack travelers or before it gets to the outskirts and I get called to kill it anyway?" she gave him an exasperated look, but it was obvious that she was still uneasy about facing that beast too.

She looked at him uncertainly. She seemed to be looking for assurance, but honestly, he didn't have any. What happened with that small dragon the last time was awful enough and, as much as he hated Casavir's presence, he was a pretty decent healer. What if she passed out again? What if she needed that healing to rile up from it afterwards?

She was at least well rested now, but the last time it took days before she woke up. It would maybe take a little less time now in the best case scenario. He didn't even want to think about the worst case…

He sighed and he only gave her an uncertain shrug: "Look, I know you can handle a lot but… fuck… I just got you back, princess…" He didn't even know why he was convincing her. It didn't matter that she was afraid too, he knew how this was going to end. The roars were already getting louder and when he looked back over his shoulder, the beast was now soaring around the plains menacingly, moving slowly towards them.

"I… I know… I'm scared too… but…" she sighed in resignation. It was too close now anyway. It would have spotted them while their backs were turned in any case. And even if they managed to get away, she was right. The dragon was clearly on the hunt, looking for its next prey. If no travelers came upon it, it would have inevitably headed towards the farms on the outskirts of the city.

Bishop sighed in turn and he gave her a brief encouraging kiss before he nodded at Karnwyr to make himself scarce. "Alright… just… leave most of the fighting to me," he said determinedly while he readied his bow. Any exhaustion could render her unconscious again after she absorbed the soul again. Or worse…

They rushed across the plains towards the beast. It didn't take very long before it noticed them in its flight and it let out a vicious roar before it flew straight towards them.

"Nu, Balaan Nir." The beast stopped right above them. The tone of its voice was strangely pleased and excited.

Bishop's arrow flew towards its head instantly, lodging itself in between the scales under its jaw. The beast let out a roar at the impact, but it didn't waver. It stayed in the air above them as its eyes gleamed menacingly.

Why did the dragons seem more and more like they were… taunting them? The creature never descended, only circling them while Bishop attempted to take it down. It never even stopped to attack and its movements were surprisingly fast. No matter how big a target it made, it was too agile to be an easy one.

"KRII!"

It looked like the Shout had missed at first. Aeyrin was still uncertain of its range – it was much more difficult to study it and practice it when she needed a proper target. And she was certainly not going to try it on Bishop or Karnwyr – what if it did some permanent damage that she wasn't aware of?

At last, she noticed the red light at its tail before it started spreading across its body steadily. Huh… she never knew that the Shout worked that way.

Bishop shot another arrow and, this time, it finally hit the fast moving beast into its flank.

This time it definitely hurt. With the combination of the Shout and the arrow, the beast stopped its circling, and it roared in pain and. It turned to face them quickly while its wings continued flapping a little unevenly now.

Bishop aimed again immediately while its maw opened. A menacing purple light formed at the back of its throat in a matter of seconds.

The arrow flew straight into its jaw, but before it hit, the purple orb shot straight at Bishop, swirling in the air at great speed. The beast managed to let out its attack surprisingly fast. They've always had more time to act when they saw the light form at the dragons' throats previously. It seemed like these colorful dragons were much more dangerous than they had feared.

It was sadly funny. They were so concerned with what happened after it was dead that they completely forgot to consider the actual power of the creature while it was alive.

Bishop jumped out of the way instantly, but the orb was too fast. The purple light managed to graze his left arm in his tumble and the magic seeped into his armor, enveloping his limb in a tight squeeze.

He screamed out in pain as the strange power paralyzed his arm. The pain stopped rather faster than he had expected and then it felt like the purple magic actually seeped under his skin, stopping his blood from flowing, making his arm devoid of any feeling at all. It refused to listen to his commands, as if all his nerves got disconnected from it. He would have expected it to go limp, but it was clenched in a perpetual desperate spasm. Was that what Aeyrin had felt when she absorbed the soul near Solitude? The arm was bad enough, if she actually felt this all over her body, it must have been torture.

Aeyrin's eyes went wide when she saw the purple orb hit Bishop. She instantly remembered the fate of the soldier that they had seen getting the same treatment – he slumped down dead in a matter of seconds. She got the urge to rush to Bishop and to try to heal him in any way she could, but before she even managed to move, the dragon landed on the ground right in front of her. The red aura was already slowly dissolving around it.

"Dovahkiin, Grind Hin Daan."

The beast crawled towards her on swift limbs and she met it halfway with her charge. She instantly smashed her mace into its maw. She managed to barely graze it before one of its wings rose in a swift motion. It swept her away from the dragon's head with great strength and speed, sending her sliding over the muddy ground some distance away.

The dragon's maw opened again and the purple light started forming at its throat once more as she frantically tried to collect herself from the ground.

"FEIM!"

She Shouted in panic, but the purple orb never came.

Her head snapped towards the dragon only to see Bishop clinging to its neck, viciously stabbing his sword into it while small crackling lightings enveloped his weapon, sending the beast into a fit of rage. It tried to swat him off with its head but Bishop was quicker. He lodged his sword into its neck firmly, using it as a leverage to straddle the dragon and he continued his stabs instantly.

There was no way in which she could help him while she was in her ethereal form. She rushed towards the dragon and waited anxiously with her weapon ready, watching Bishop with wide eyes. His hand, which had been previously hit by the orb, was clenched on his flank – he wasn't using it at all. It was all the more impressive that he managed to climb on the beast's neck with just one hand.

The dragon seemed fed up. It stood on his hind legs, sending Bishop falling flat on his back instantly without enough leverage. He tried to hold onto the neck by keeping his sword lodged between its scales, but it slid out of its flesh instantly.

The beast was back in the air just as Aeyrin's ethereal form dissipated. It hovered right above them again, facing them directly. Its flight was still a little crooked since one of its wings was slower than the other and it looked like it couldn't move its neck much. That did not stop it, however, from heaving again as the purple light appeared in its throat one more time.

Aeyrin lunged towards Bishop instantly to envelop him in a tight embrace. They only had seconds to act.

"WULD!"

The purple orb seeped into the muddy ground. They watched the purple spectacle from some distance away now, still a bit in shock.

The dragon seemed… frustrated.

Aeyrin didn't hesitate any longer. They needed to kill it now, before it managed to attack again.

"IIZ!"

The tip of the beast's slower wing got encrusted in ice instantly and it started to flap the other wing frantically. It would surely fall back to the ground soon, giving them the opening that they needed.

But it didn't.

It looked like it threw a hateful sneer at the both of them and its voice was now palpably… strained.

"Ni Daar Tiid, Dovahkiin."

It turned away from them with effort before it started heaving and waveringly flying back towards the mountains. They had no way of attacking it now. It was too high for any more useful Shouts to reach and Bishop was incapable of drawing his bow. They watched it retreat for a while as they both breathed heavily after the fierce battle. They kept wondering if it would come right back for them.

Aeyrin realized herself shortly after the dragon disappeared behind the fog near the snowy peaks and she turned to Bishop's clenched left arm. She very carefully pried his tense fingers open and slid his glove out of the way to see the damage.

"No need to be gentle, sweetness. Can't feel a thing…" he scoffed bitterly. His entire arm was still clenched in a strained spasm – what was it? Perhaps a very powerful form of paralysis? But why did the previous dragon feel like death to her before? Paralysis usually felt… different.

She felt around his arm while she barely managed to contain the panic in her movements. It wasn't cold and there were no visible wounds. She tried to think back on the awful sensations that she had felt when she absorbed the soul of the last of these colorful beasts. If she could only determine what was affected, she could focus her magic on it. It would be easier to reverse the damage like that. It was the first thing to do anytime one tried to heal. If the spell would remain without proper focus, it would have to be a lot more powerful than hers to actually heal anything properly.

His arm was in spasm and he had lost all feeling in it. It seemed to point to nerve damage. Was that even possible without a powerful shock spell? It would, however, explain why that soldier fell dead instantly – if this happened to his entire body.

Gods, she didn't even want to think about that.

It still didn't explain the connection to the feelings that she had before but maybe… maybe the magic was simply killing everything it managed to reach… nerves, bones, organs. Thank the Divines that it only hit his arm!

She pried his fingers open forcefully again when they automatically clenched into a fist once more. She gave him a hopeful questioning look after, but he only shook his head. He still couldn't feel it. She concentrated on the spell as her hands lit up with the warm-white soothing light. She slowly ran her hands over the affected area – from his elbow down to the tips of his fingers, massaging firmly every inch of his skin and pressing into his muscles meticulously.

Bishop watched her work with strange resignation. She seemed much more in panic than he did. Maybe it didn't hit him yet what this could mean for him. He watched her discard her own bracers and the gauntlet parts of her underchain before her delicate fingers began kneading his forearm again.

He didn't remember the last time someone worried this much over him… if anyone ever did.

He gave her a weak smile. He was still more fascinated by her care than concerned over his arm. Why would he be? She always fixed things for him. Whatever it was, she made it better. He only wished that he could let her do that with everything, but putting her in such danger would never be worth it.

Suddenly he felt a jolt of electricity course through his hand and the crook between his thumb and forefinger vibrating briefly before the fingers twitched. Aeyrin's eyes went wide and she gave him another hopeful look, almost pleading him with her eyes for the answer that she wanted to hear.

"I felt that," he smiled at her weakly.

"Oh thank the Eight! I was so worried that this wasn't reversible!" Instead of continuing her work, she draped her arms around his neck in relief. She pressed her lips to his cheek firmly before she buried her head in his neck. He could only chuckle at her reaction and he patted her head with his healthy arm in gratitude.

"Let's get you to the temple as fast as we can," she disentangled herself from him after a brief while and, once they both stood up, she grabbed his spasmed hand in hers. They were both covered in mud from head to toe, but that was the least of their concerns now. She entwined her fingers with his and her hand lit up again while she began squeezing him periodically.

She was obviously intent on continuing the treatment all the way to Whiterun.

…

Aeyrin dragged her feet around the market, still filthy and exhausted.

She's been giving her all to healing Bishop's hand all the way to Whiterun. By the time they reached the gates, he already felt his fingers a little and he could stop them from spasming around her hand.

They continued to the temple right away, paying the rather outrageous price that Danica charged for fixing nerve damage. Aeyrin suspected that the priestess was still a little bitter about the tiny tree blooming in front of her temple. She wouldn't even let her stay there with Bishop, claiming that she needed calm and room to maneuver.

She left Karnwyr in Breezehome right after that, providing him the needed reprieve from the rain and some place to finally rest. Lydia must have been somewhere outside and Aeyrin didn't feel like being alone, left fidgeting about Bishop's condition. She knew that the priestess would help, but she still hated that she was not able to be there. If Bishop felt the same the entire time she was staying at Castle Dour, she really didn't envy him.

The markets were somewhat emptier in the rain, but the vendors were still diligently selling their goods.

She walked from the vegetable stall to the one belonging to a Bosmer hunter, hardly even paying attention to the goods. It was not like they didn't get their own meat rather than paying for it. She moved lazily to the jewelry stall and the old Nord woman tending it gave a kind but uncertain smile. She probably didn't expect someone in full armor and covered in mud to shop there.

Then something caught Aeyrin's attention.

There was a set of silver rings, all decorated with carved heads of animals and creatures, just like the one that Bishop had given her. He had mentioned before that it was from Jules. These might have been made by the same person. She wondered just where Jules got it. They were likely avoiding the cities mostly, due to their… profession, and maybe even because of the bounties.

She couldn't help but smile to herself at the thought of Bishop's brother stealing it from someone only to give it to him later as a gift. It was strangely heartwarming. They must have been so close. She's never heard Bishop talk about anyone that fondly. Maybe only about Karnwyr.

It still wasn't clear to her why Bishop gave her that ring. It must have meant so much to him. He had told her that it would suit her better, but that was obviously not the reason – at least not the whole reason. Whatever happened with Jules, he clearly hasn't made peace with it. Maybe he even blamed himself, to some degree, for not protecting his brother when he needed it.

Her eyes fell on the shiny silver ring with a dragon's head carved on it.

Bishop had showered her with meaningful gifts and she realized that she's never given him anything like that. Maybe he would like it. Perhaps in the spirit of the New Life…

The thought occurred to her that she could steal it, but she's never taken something right from under someone's nose like this. Besides, the woman looked very nice and she kept giving her the kind smile, despite her appearance. She couldn't.

She quickly fished around her pack for her coin purse. It likely didn't matter how she got it. The intent behind it was more important.

She stashed the ring after she had paid the woman. She was already excited about giving it to Bishop. She worried briefly that he would see it as her attempt to replace his old one – to make him forget about her brother, but she dismissed those thoughts. He knew her better than that, even though this was a touchy subject. Hopefully, he'd see it for the gesture that it was meant to be.

"Pup!"

The familiar voice interrupted her musing and she spotted Farkas rushing towards her with a wide grin on his face, outstretching his arms to invite her into one of his bear hugs.

She met him half-way, letting him envelop her with his arms and squeeze her with the heavy black armor. Luckily, she had her own this time, but she never understood why the Companions put it on even when they were just walking around the city. Maybe he was heading out on a contract, but she had noticed them wearing it casually before. Perhaps it was to distinguish themselves as the Companions among the people.

They were always so proud of their status and deeds. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, but sometimes it felt a little much to her.

"Oh sure, pup, just get that filth all over me, I don't mind," Farkas chuckled at her heartily.

"You were the one greeting me like that!" she laughed while she punched him playfully in the cuirass.

"I thought you'd be all polite and stuff and refuse to get me so filthy. Speaking of, how'd you get like that?" he smirked at her, looking her over in her sorry state.

"Hmm, I don't know… Mud? Rain?" she laughed again, gesturing to the skies with a wry smile.

"Don't you have a house where you can wash up?"

"Yeah… I'm just… waiting for Bishop," she shrugged noncommittally. At least Farkas's company distracted her from that for a while. Maybe she could visit the Jorrvaskr, although they have been planning on doing that together the next day. She was pretty sure that Bishop wouldn't mind seeing Aela at least, despite his feigned disinterest.

"Ah… I was wondering where the mongrel went. He's usually always at your heel," Farkas scoffed.

"Hey! Be nice to him. I don't get why you and Vilkas and him keep barking at each other like that," she scowled at him admonishingly. That wasn't strictly true, she knew why Bishop was like that around them, but she wasn't going to mention that.

"He's got no honor, pup. You can see that just by looking at him," Farkas folded his arms across his chest, and he raised his chin a bit with a knowing nod.

Pfft… what did that even mean? He was being ridiculous. And Aeyrin had no desire to discuss this with him further.

"Anyway… we'll stop by tomorrow, most likely, for some stories and some contracts," she changed the tone eagerly with an amicable smile. Why was Bishop such a touchy subject with so many people? And why did everyone keep assuming that they just knew what he was like?

Farkas gave her a strange expression. For the life of her, she couldn't decipher it. He seemed a little upset but… something odd flickered in his eyes.

"Ah… not this time, pup. The Circle will be heading out for a big job soon. We might take several days to come back," he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. Was he… avoiding eye contact with her?

"Oh… well… I'll just go say hello now, at least…" she shrugged a little uncertainly. She's never seen all of them go on one job. It must have been really dangerous.

"No, pup. Uh… well… the others are already there… It's just me and the whelps in there now… and I'll be heading out soon," he still kept up the same expression, still avoiding her eyes. What was happening? Was he making excuses? This was so strange. Did she do something? He obviously didn't want her to see the others.

"What's the job?" she raised her brow at him as her friendly expression turned decidedly sadder. She kept pondering on their last visit when they all suddenly disappeared for the 'Circle meeting'. Did they talk about her? Or about Bishop? Did they not want them around anymore?

"Just… just some bandits, pup. No need to worry yourself over it…" he still didn't look at her.

This was making her a little angry. Why such blatant excuses? He could at least give her a straight answer if there was something wrong.

"Oh yeah? You need help? We don't have any urgent plans," she gave him a challenging look as her brows furrowed.

He finally looked at her, but he only shook his head wryly. For some reason, he looked a little regretful. She was getting more and more confused by this bizarre interaction.

"I… should head out too, pup. Take care of yourself, you hear? I'm sure we'll get a chance to catch up soon," he clasped her upper arm under her pauldron amicably, but he turned on his heel before she could answer him as he began walking towards the gates.

Huh… he really was leaving.

But still… she was sure that he was lying. But why? Did someone have a problem with their presence at Jorrvaskr? She knew that some of the junior members complained about her getting… special treatment, but the Circle never seemed very concerned with the 'whelps'' opinions.

And it wasn't like they had to give them contracts.

She sighed dejectedly as she felt the back of her head burn uncomfortably. She needed to take her mind off this.

Hopefully Danica would be done with healing Bishop by now.

…

They spent the rest of the day and night in the bedroom of Breezehome.

Sadly, the stay was much less exciting than they might have wished. Bishop's arm was largely healed but he still had the occasional twitches and lessened feeling in it. They both needed some rest and recuperation after the battle with the dragon.

They needed to be especially ready if the beast decided to come back during their stay and the Jarl would ask them for help again.

After giving them a strangely fidgety welcome, Lydia volunteered to make sure that they would want for nothing during their rest. She was making them her delicious food constantly and she was always asking if they needed anything. She also asked numerous times if she should make herself scarce to give them some privacy, much to Aeyrin's embarrassment.

It was the middle of the night when Bishop heard the door to the bedroom open very slightly. Lydia's head poked out in a second and she looked over Aeyrin first, likely to determine whether she was asleep, before she motioned for Bishop to follow her out of the room.

What was she doing now? She was really bad at acting casual. Now she wanted a fucking cloak and dagger nighttime meeting.

He tucked Aeyrin into the fur blankets and he got up from the bed silently. Thank the Gods that she was always sleeping so heavily. This could not be more conspicuous.

Although… an unpleasant thought crossed his mind. Did something happen? Was someone looking for Neeshka? That was ridiculous… who would? But still… Lydia looked rather nervous when she spotted them at the door.

"Lydia, you need to calm the fuck down. Ever heard of being subtle?" he growled at her quietly when they finally sat down by the table on the bottom floor.

"Sorry… I know… I just… I need to know if something… is everything alright? No one… no one knows, right?" she sighed with a somewhat exhausted shake of her head.

Was she really so rattled by all that? Fuck… that kinda made him feel even worse about the whole incident. She looked so nervous. He couldn't really blame her though, now when he thought about it. He had hardly told her anything, he just thrusted her into a bad situation without any concern for her. All he cared about was Aeyrin's safety, but now when the stress of keeping things from her passed, to some measure, he couldn't help but feel guilty at what he had done to Lydia.

She deserved none of this.

Yet again, his mistakes dragged an innocent person into a shitstorm of trouble.

"Fuck… look, you really have nothing to worry about. I'm… I'm sorry I dragged you into this, I really am, but I couldn't think of another option. But I promise you, no one will bat an eye at what happened to her," he sighed while he attempted to give her a reassuring look, but he was pretty sure that it didn't come out as comforting as he had intended.

Lydia stared at the table, listening to his words. She kept nodding thoughtfully, but he could see that she was far from reassured.

"Whenever I see you, I see her dead face in front of me…" she kept staring into the table with her brows creased deeply. He couldn't tell if she was angry or… disappointed. He wasn't sure which was worse right now. And it probably didn't matter. Whatever that look meant, it made his stomach sink uncomfortably.

"I… Lydia… have you ever killed someone?" his question made her snap up to look at him in surprise. He honestly wasn't sure if she had. She was a warrior, but she made it clear that she only had basic training. It was likely that she had never killed anything but a training dummy.

"I… I have been on an… outing with the guards once. To ensure I could… I could do this if I needed to protect a thane on the road. It was a bandit camp. But that was different," she shook her head at him.

"Why? I told you that she was a bandit," he said bitterly. It wasn't exactly the mentality that he would want her to have, in case she ever found out about his own past, but he wasn't sure how else to ease her mind.

"She wasn't attacking anyone on sight! It wasn't self-defense!" her quiet voice turned into an angry hiss. At least now he knew that she was pissed.

"No… she would have done something much worse. You can deal with a lone bandit attacking you, not so much with several entire fucking clans hunting you for sport," he scoffed.

"So what? She was going to send her bandit friends after you? Or after Aeyrin? How do you even know that?"

"Because she fucking conveniently taunted me with that! Lydia… fuck… you didn't kill her. No one will ever know that you had any part in this, I promise you. You… you did nothing wrong," he sighed. He was uncertain of how else to convince her.

"It doesn't feel like it…" she shook her head and she promptly turned her eyes back to the table.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence between them. Both of them were at a loss for words for a long while.

"How did you know her?" Lydia's eyes met his again after some time. Her expression was palpably suspicious.

Silence.

How could he answer that without getting her even more tangled up in this?

After his adamant refusal to answer, she started to speak again with a deep sigh: "Look, I'm not stupid. I get that you're not exactly… well… I mean… you were carving that symbol and you talked about the… the Guild… I kind of filled in the gaps. But Aeyrin trusts you and that was good enough for me. Now… now I'm not so sure that she even should…"

"I didn't do this to save my own neck, you know. I've already explained this to you," he shook his head, but she gave him that disappointed expression again. Fuck, it made him feel so fucking guilty.

He let out yet another sigh. She deserved more. She deserved more than to be brushed off like this for what she did for him against all her better judgments and instincts.

"You're right. I… used to run in similar circles, I guess. It… was a long time ago," he started to explain. It was not as long ago as he'd like, but she didn't need to know every detail. "Me and her used to fuck occasionally. There was nothing more to it. And before you assume that I was leading on some poor naïve girl, we had made that very clear to each other from the start. Neither of us really wanted it to be anything more. But then…" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"She started to get all jealous and aggressive every fucking time I even talked to another girl. And since I still wasn't interested in anything more, I ended things for good. She seemed fine. She's always been a little… erratic, but she really didn't seem fazed by any of that. I… should have known better. Eventually, I slept with another girl in the… similar circles… it was just one night, but… everyone knew everything about each other there and so… she found out. Not that I was trying to hide that shit, but… I probably should have. I never even talked to that girl again, but she still started to torment her. It was little things, at first, but it escalated. A lot. It ended up with her setting the girl's hair on fire… she burned it all off and singed her scalp… fuck. And when the girl managed to put it out, she started to bash her head with the fucking torch. Other people got involved then and it turned into a whole fucking mess with a bunch of people dead, including the girl."

Lydia stared at him slack-jawed. He should have probably dialed some of that down… but it was a pretty regular thing in Thorn's gang – people were always settling scores over some petty shit like that. And it wasn't like he was spurring anything. He stayed the fuck away from both of them when all of this started. Not that it helped…

"So… when she showed up here and noticed I was with Aeyrin… I… needed to stop her. I know what she was capable of and I know that she'd disregard any collateral damage. I… I don't know why I told you all this… if it even helps somehow… it's just… I don't know… I thought you'd understand better… I guess," he started to stammer uncharacteristically. Despite her shocked expression, the guilt eased a little after he told her. He wasn't sure why. She must have had all sorts of ideas about him running in her head.

But for some reason, he was still strangely hopeful that she'd be… sympathetic? Understanding?

He wasn't even sure if he deserved any sympathy. What happened with Neeshka was never his fault – he had made all his intentions perfectly clear from the start and she acted despite that. And honestly, if it weren't a girl that he had slept with, it would have been one that stole five drakes from her or generally someone who looked at her funny.

She was the perfect material for Thorn's twisted gang.

But lately, he's been feeling oddly guilty about everything, even about the things that he knew weren't his fault. He had a bad suspicion that he knew why, but there was nothing that he could do about it. He wanted to tell Aeyrin. He wanted her to know everything. And more than anything in the world, he wanted her to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he was… that he was better than his past.

But he couldn't tell her.

He had to protect her from this.

"Is… is that the same 'deal' you have with Aeyrin? The whole… 'nothing more to it'?" she asked after a while of silence.

That was her question? After all that he had just told her? How was that fucking relevant?

Well… it was not like he would hide this. It was one of the few things in his life that he felt like he didn't have to hide. It was one of the few things that he didn't have to feel ashamed or guilty of. And maybe Lydia was just trying to reassure herself that he wasn't the same person that used to associate with those people and get himself into sick relationships like the one with Neeshka. Or maybe she was just worried that he would hurt Aeyrin's feelings with some casual arrangement.

"Fuck no! I love Aeyrin. And I'll do anything to keep her from all this fucked up shit."

It was hard enough to convince Aeyrin to let the whole bounty business go. If she knew about Thorn and all that shit, she would never leave well enough alone. It wasn't just about Bishop either. Thorn's gangs were practically terrorizing the entire south of Skyrim. As if she wouldn't make it her personal mission to eliminate him just for that.

"You do?! Then why don't you just tell her? I'm sure that she wouldn't just… I'm sure that she'd understand… maybe after some convincing," Lydia shrugged.

It was pretty clear that Lydia herself wasn't that certain of Aeyrin's forgiveness. She might just pretend to be alright with everything, because she'd think that she should, but it wouldn't stop bothering her and gnawing at her. Bishop knew. He saw the face that she made every single time when the conversation accidentally steered towards his bandit days, even though she pretended to be fine with it. It may have eased his mind telling her, but it certainly didn't ease hers. And now it felt like he just pushed his messed up issues onto her.

"Even if she did… she'd never leave well enough alone. She'd want to know about everything and eventually, just her knowing that there are people like that… Believe me, it would end badly for everyone… especially her…" Bishop sighed dejectedly with a determined shake of his head.

He hated getting into all this again. Even though there were other concerns to worry about in Solitude this time, he felt so blessedly free of his past with the bandits for the moment. Well… aside from all that shit with his family. It made him feel so shitty just talking about this. So guilty for keeping things from Aeyrin. So scared of what would happen if she ever found out. And the worst of all… it made him sorry that he had ever dragged her into his fucked up life.

He just wanted to go back to enjoying being with her, to have her affectionate embrace erase all these thoughts.

But he owed Lydia.

If there was nothing else he could do, he owed her an explanation.

"Does… does she know about any of this?" Lydia asked him nervously.

"She knows… what I used to do… about the 'circles' that I used to run in. She knows I used to sleep with… her and I told her that all that I did that night, was making sure that she had left Whiterun without… harassing Aeyrin. I just… can't have her chasing after the people from my past. Whether to help me or… just to rid the world of them. They're too dangerous. A horde of dragons might be fucking preferable…" he scoffed hatefully.

If only he knew where exactly Thorn was hiding.

But even if he did… his gangs may have been too loyal. Even if he somehow, by some miracle, managed to get rid of Thorn, all those scores of his lapdogs might have just hunted him down out of spite. And no Guild protection would ever help him in that case.

"You really love her?" Lydia asked after another bout of thoughtful silence.

"Yeah! Fuck, Lydia, if I was lying to you at any point tonight, believe me, I'd think of something much more believable…" he scoffed bitterly.

"What… was that woman doing in Whiterun? Do bandits just… come into the cities like that?" Lydia frowned, as if she was trying to poke holes into his story.

"Some. She was a runner. Sometimes when someone wants someone else found and captured or killed, not really legally, they hire a bandit group. The bandits usually ambush them on the road or something like that. Runners are in charge of finding the targets and getting their location." He wasn't sure if any other bandit clans ever did this. He's only ever seen this 'service' in Thorn's gang, but then again, Thorn's operation was unlike anything he had seen before. His connections alone ensured him lots of avenues like these.

"Who was she looking for? You?"

"No… that… Redguard barmaid I think…Saadia? I've gathered as much, at least, but I don't know why," Bishop shrugged.

Lydia gave him an alarmed expression and her brows creased in worry instantly.

"I warned her… somewhat," he quickly explained. "I told her not to leave the city. Besides… the runner never actually made it back," he let out a scoff before he propped up his hand to rest his head against it for a while. He still had no idea where he stood with Lydia, but she did seem somewhat… calmer.

He looked at her for a while. She was staring into the table again and a myriad of complicated expressions were playing on her face. But he didn't see that angry disappointment in there anymore. It made him more at ease.

Finally she looked up at him, gazing into his eyes with odd determination.

"Thank you… for telling me this."

She didn't say anything more. There were assurances of her silence, or no confirmation that she would get over this. There were no words of forgiveness or understanding.

But somehow it was enough.

Somehow, he felt like she did understand and, as much as his mind told him that it was just wishful thinking, he felt like she did forgive him. At least a little bit, perhaps.

He nodded. It wasn't as if she said anything so touching, he was probably just imagining the subtext, but it still moved him.

"Thank you… for… fuck… for everything," he sighed. All this mushy crap was threatening to really get to him. He got up from the table abruptly before he, Gods forbid, actually got emotional around her.

"Good night, Bishop," she gave him a very weak smile. Her brows were still creased in deep thought.

But it was a smile nonetheless.