Emmett is most distressed today.
At lunchtime he brought out his customary dozen eggs and started examining the shells very closely, talking about how you 'can't see where they picked them'. Jasper's ears immediately perked up and he focused all of his attention on Emmett. The conversation ensued thusly:
"When you say picked what do you mean Emmett?"
"Well on an apple or a banana you can see where it came out of the tree. But with eggs you can't."
"No, you can't. Why do you think that is?"
"Maybe they grow under the ground like tomatoes, but how comes they don't crack when they dig them up then?"
At this point Rosalie and Alice halted their conversation, wanting to see where this went. We were all fascinated, as we always are on the rare occasions that the murky inner workings of Emmett's mind come to the light of day.
He continued "On the egg farm, when they grow the eggs and they pick them, well, I mean, are they a fruit or a vegetable? And don't give me any of that apples are really a vegetable nonsense, I want a straight answer here."
"Emmett, have you ever seen an egg seed?"asked Jasper.
"Yes. Well, no, but I know they're there. They're Inside the eggplants."
"And another thing. We're in Washington, there are millions and billions of pine trees, so what I want to know is, who is stealing all the fucking pineapples? Because I have looked and looked and I haven't found one yet."
Jasper tried to suggest we plant an eggplant and see if we could grow some eggs and Emmett was totally on board, but Alice spoiled our fun, saying "Eggs come from chickens Emmett."
He got quite agitated at this assertion saying "Chickens?! But how do they dig the eggs up then? Their hands are all covered with fur. Is that how they hold their drumsticks? I've never heard a chicken drum but they must be good because their drumsticks are famous. Everyone knows about them."
At this point Rosalie felt she had to intervene "Babe, eggs come from inside a chicken. A hen, a lady chicken lays the eggs. That's where baby birds come from, inside the eggs."
Emmett laughed incredulously at this and ahoy Jasper and I a look as if to mock Rosalie's idiocy, clearly not believing a word.
After school we had to get Carlisle to sit down with him and explain all sorts of things about fruits, vegetables, and of course eggs. Emmett got ever so angry about it all, though none of us are all that certain as to why. He's been off in the woods kicking down trees for the last several hours now
A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade! What other weird things do you imagine Emmett believing?