Sorry about that absence, I was on a trip the past couple weeks! Hopefully I can get back into an update a day now!
This entry is a reference to my story Long Night and features Hiccup having a hard time with his leg. I promise, the next one won't be as depressing lol
Enjoy!
Entry 96
Yesterday was not a very good day. Just when I thought I was finally understanding how to function with one leg, I fell on another setback.
I suppose I should've listened to Gobber, since he's kind of an expert in these things (not that anybody WANTS to be an expert). He told me to expect some weird feelings every now and then, which I have. But he also said that if I don't give myself a chance to rest, then those feelings can turn into something a whole lot worse.
So, what did I do, being the genius I am? I ignored his warnings. For the past week, I've been working with the new Berk dragons, and I've been so exhausted by the time I get home that I've just gone to bed. Which is upstairs again, since I convinced my dad a few days ago that it would be fine. Which means, I've been too tired to even THINK about caring for my leg, let alone taking off the prosthetic. And last night, it finally came back to bite me.
I think I noticed it around midday, but tried to ignore whatever I was feeling, because I'm just smart like that. But what began as just tingling had grown to almost a stabbing in a foot that isn't even there anymore. By time I got home (later than usual, of course, because Hookfang decided to run rampant), I could barely even stand without Toothless.
I had hoped my dad was asleep already, but of course he wasn't. So, I tried to play it off and go to bed, but I couldn't even imagine climbing the stairs, so I went to sit by the fire instead. And… my dad immediately figured me out.
I didn't want to at first, but after a short argument, I let him help. Of course, he scolded me for not taking care of myself, and I just said I was scared about losing all the progress I've made in Berk. He said that I've already done more in the last two weeks than he's done in his entire chiefdom… and Berk will still be here if I take one day off. I admit, I didn't think about that; I guess I've had it in my head that I can't take a moment's rest if I want to keep up what I've done. But I suppose it does make sense that taking a little break won't change anything… heck, I kind of took a few months break without even knowing it.
Finally understanding, I gave in to my father's wishes, letting him carry me upstairs and get some of Gothi's medicine. He said I have to stay in bed for the next couple days, and Toothless hasn't given me a choice either. The useless reptile has been standing guard, occasionally laying himself over me to remind me who's the boss.
I admit that this is a little disheartening. My leg still really hurts, even with Gothi's medicine, and I don't like being constantly reminded of what's happened to it. I don't want to even LOOK at it right now… but Toothless has made things a little better. For how seriously he takes his job as warden, he's also been extra affectionate. Not that I ENJOY being covered in dragon slobber, but it is nice to have him close.
I've found myself looking at his tail a lot more. It makes me wonder… if humans have days like this after losing limbs, do dragons? Has Toothless ever felt like his tailfin is still there, or has it ever hurt him? I really hope not. A while ago, he caught me looking at him, and hid his tail from sight. Does he ever feel insecure? As happy as he is, which I KNOW he is because he's found his ways to tell me, are there moments when he feels… inferior? I can imagine that being forced to be grounded as a DRAGON has to be hard sometimes. I know some dragons are flightless, but Night Furies aren't one of them. Does he ever feel lesser because of what I did?
I didn't think I would feel lesser if I ever lost a limb. And for the most part, I'm glad to say, I haven't. But in a moment like this, where I quite literally cannot walk, I don't know exactly how to feel.
I'm just grateful I have someone who understands what I'm going through, too.
Until next time…
-H