"I really was trying to be open and honest with her. I know that's important to her." Gray's voice was low as they spoke into the night. "There was nothing for me to be dishonest about, really. Her parents were out, and we usually don't have that kind of time to, uh... enjoy each other like that."

Cliff couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at the look that his friend cast him. There was a bitterness and envy to it that caused him to raise his defenses.

"I felt so stupid for showing up late. It made it risky to try anything too involved." Gray felt his face flush at his bluntness. He shook his head. "We're all adults here. You know what I mean."

Cliff gave a nod, swiftly shoving aside his own feelings about Claire on the matter. "Was she upset you arrived later?"

"That's what made me mad!" Gray confessed with a sigh. "She was so damn nice about it!"

He was given a sideways glance in response. "I don't see how-"

"... And she kept changing the subject!" Gray interrupted with a groan. "Kept taking about you and how I should spend time with you instead of her."

Cliff frowned. "Me?"

So that's why he's mad...

"I've been nothing but trouble." Cliff's words were barely audible.

Gray shook his head, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. "No, I've been an ass. And... she kept deflecting when I brought up her parents. I asked why it was such a big deal for us to be seen together or to spend time alone. She kept going on about how we 'needed time'. Time to sort out ourselves or some... other bullshit." His voice died down as his anger did.

It was a while before Cliff responded. His words were carefully selected. "So... there's something she feels needs to be figured out before she can allow herself to be with you again."

"I was afraid she thought I wasn't being faithful."

Cliff gave him a confused look. "Where would she get an idea like that?"

Gray's relief and vindication that his best friend immediately defended him quickly faded as he felt his ears turn red. "She's just misreadin' shit. You know how it is. No one ever understands me!"

His friend was surprised at the volume of Gray's voice. "Did you explain to her that she's the only one you're interested in?"

Gray nodded. "Yeah, but she kept pushing. When I brought up her caring too much what her parents think, she kept talking about..." He let out a heavy sigh.

The silence was unbearable. Cliff looked down at Gray. "Talking about...?"

You.

Gray couldn't meet his gaze. "W-well... you see..." He felt his cheeks blaze as his voice died down. "Well... r-remember when you first moved into town? I mean, of course you do. That was a stupid question. It's not like it was that long ago... It's just that... I... well..."

Cliff looked back at him, puzzled at how this was tying into the conversation at all.

"I picked on you a lot and I could have been a lot nicer. I was always hot and cold with you. But... it's because I was frustrated and confused."

"We were both going through a lot," Cliff admitted with a weak smile.

"I've cared about Mary for a long time, but when you showed up... things got kind of complicated."

Cliff's smile faded and worry lines formed on his forehead.

Gray gripped the fabric on Cliff's sweatshirt. "No, no! I mean, it wasn't because of you. It was me. I, uh, kinda had a thing for you." He averted his eyes, feeling his cheeks warm. "It was complicated because I already had someone on my mind that I wanted to go further with, but you..."

"M-me?" Cliff was pointing at himself, his eyes widened in surprise. His cheeks were dusted with pink.

"Ugh, that's the expression that reeled me in!" Gray confessed with a laugh, ignoring the heat in his own face.

"I couldn't tell if you just felt sorry for me or if you wanted to shove me out the window," Cliff admitted, a slight smile playing at his lips.

He was given a fond grin in response. "A little bit of both." Gray turned his head away. "Y'know... I wasn't really into smoked fish until I saw you making it..." His voice was muffled by the pillow. "Your little makeshift smoking racks over by the lake... You were always trying to give it to me for free..."

"Well, I wanted you to like me," Cliff responded honestly. "I thought you hated me."

Gray groaned. "Of course I didn't hate you. You tried too hard! You rolled over too easily. I was trying to help you retain some dignity!"

Cliff could feel himself pouting. "So you ordered it from me because you felt bad for me? I really am pathetic, aren't I?"

Gray shook his head. "I... I wanted to support you, but... I was so afraid of getting too close."

I always lose everyone if they get too close...

"If it helps, I was afraid, too. Of getting close to other people, I mean." Cliff's voice was gentle. "It's easier to get hurt."

"Ain't that the truth?"

Cliff hesitated. "So... is that why Mary said she needed time?"

Gray recalled the conversation and his brows stopped furrowing. "I think... she wants to work on her relationship with her mom first. I think... I might have misunderstood," he realized. "I was so scared she thought I had picked you over her for a partner, or that I wanted to juggle the two of you at once."

"You're the one who told me that I needed to be clear about my feelings with Claire," Cliff reminded him. He saw the young man's expressions relax further. "There's no reason for her to think that we have something going on on the side. You're dedicated to her. And I know me and Claire haven't been really... loud...? …about our relationship, but... I know some people have caught on easily enough."

"Yeah, I just figured Mary knew, but she doesn't talk about other people much because she's determined not to become a gossip like some people in this town..." Gray's words were soft as he paused, pondering. "But... now that I think about it, maybe she knew but others didn't and she got insecure." He let out a heavy sigh, his eyes moving toward the ceiling. "Anna..." The name was bitter in Gray's mouth.

"Does her ma not approve?" Cliff's stomach twisted as he wondered about Claire's parents. If they weren't exactly happy about her farming and living off the land, maybe there was also a chance that he was part of their disapproval as well. After all, that was how the two of them had originally bonded...

But I stopped caring about Ma's disapproval...

His heart stopped.

And look where it got me, though.

Gray continued. "I'd go over there for dates... if you can call them that. Not much fun to be had with two parents watching your every move."

Gray recalled those nights, sitting at the dining room table across from her parents. The food rivaled Doug's, but the atmosphere was definitely more uptight than the local eatery. Gray wasn't sure what was worse – Basil's stilted "easygoing father" facade or Anna's severe gaze. All indoor activities were limited to the first floor of the house... at least when her parents were home.

"I don't even know whether or not her parents would freak out if they knew we were sleeping together or if she's just psyching herself out about it. People are a lot more accepting of it out in the city – hell, it's the norm out there. And we're both grown adults!"

I don't have the guts to tell her parents that to their faces, though...

Gray let out a frustrated huff. "Mary's made it clear that I've got my own issues with being open and making decisions."

"What do you mean?" Cliff asked.

Gray let out a heavy sigh, retelling the events that had happened Midsummer's Night.

The top floor of the library was silent save the crickets singing into the night. The lights were low as Mary fussed with the notebook in her hands, clutching it to her chest and averting her eyes. Gray had learned by now that her notebook was a security blanket of sorts; there was something serious she wanted to discuss.

"I hope you know that I almost said 'no'."

Gray couldn't help but feel his blood run cold as he tried to read her expression. "No? To who? What?"

"To whom." Mary's voice, though quiet, was sharp. "And the answer to that, or rather the question, is you... when you asked me to be your girlfriend."

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. "Wh-why?" He wasn't sure how he managed to choke out the single word – it felt like there was an invisible hand around his throat.

"I can't help but wonder if you would've hesitated longer if that dance was never announced." Mary's voice was calm, collected. Rehearsed.

"You think I asked you to be my girlfriend just because I wanted a date for the dance?" Gray's vocal chords strained, but he pressed on. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! I asked you to the dance before I asked... you to be mine."

There was a coldness in Mary's eyes he had never seen before. "You're assuming a lot. You chose me because you couldn't put it off any longer, correct?"

Gray could feel the color rise in his cheeks. "I-I..."

He hated that she was right.

"There's no rule that says you couldn't have asked me to be your boyfriend if you were getting so impatient." His words came out much sharper than he meant for them to.

"Impatient..." Her voice conveyed no emotion as she leaned her back against the wall and let out a soft sigh, refusing to look up at him.

There was a long silence before she continued.

"I suppose that's one way of looking at it, but..." Mary nudged her glasses on the bridge of her nose, looking up to meet his eyes. "We've known each other for a few years, Gray."

He wasn't sure what she was getting at. "Yeah."

Her smile had a unique sadness to it. "We've gotten to know each other really well over the years. It was great to have a close friend, but I started getting butterflies when afternoon came around here. I knew I'd have someone to talk to, someone who I could relate to."

Gray approached her and gently took one of her hands in his. "I want us to always have that, Mare."

"So do I!" she replied, her voice cracking. "I just... I wonder if we really can."

He could hardly hear her over his heart pounding. "Why couldn't we?"

"I'm wondering if I agreed too easily because I was so excited you asked." Mary took her hand back and laced her fingers together so tightly that Gray was aware of her white knuckles. "Gray... Is this a case of you being torn between two people and feeling pressured to ask one of us out?"

"Why would I do something like that?"

She didn't hesitate. "Because you're lonely. I can see the way Claire looks at you... and I noticed you've been talking about her farm a lot recently..."

Gray stared at her incredulously. "Wait, you think I've been debating on whether to date you or Claire?"

Mary knitted her brows. "Well, you definitely haven't given her the idea that you had your sights set on someone else. Besides..." Mary hesitated, frowning. She set down her notebook, her fists clenching. "Everyone talks about it! Mother and the others are always going on about how Claire visits the men upstairs..."

Gray shook his head emphatically. "I'm not the only person she talks to up there!"

Mary continued, undeterred. "They say they've overheard her asking Doug or Ann if you're in..."

"Goddess... you're buying into gossip now? Is that where we're at?"

He was surprised when she cocked an eyebrow. "Do you deny it?"

Gray gulped. "W-well, no... I mean... she used to come by to talk... but she spends more time talking to Cliff than anything else." He turned his face away, rubbing the crook of his neck. "Nothing's going on between us."

"Then why do you look so guilty?" she pressed.

"What the hell, Mare? I don't know what you want me to say!"

Bitter tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook her head.

He grasped her wrists as she turned her vision to the floor. "No, you don't get to do that! If you want honesty, it has to go both ways!" Gray quickly lowered his voice, remembering that her parents were in the house that shared the same wall.

"I want you... to pick me. To chase after me if I run... T-to be my... only." She shivered as he gently wiped away her tears. "I-I... I take dating very seriously, Gray. I've always seen it as a genuine attempt to... find a partner. F-for life..." She covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry! I know that scares a lot of people, but I... I need to know where you stand."

"Then why did you offer me up to dance with Claire like I was some kind of livestock? Like a stud being loaned out? Was that some kind of test?"

Her eyes went wide. "Goddess, Gray! It was a dance!"

"Well, you're the one goin' on about partners for life!" He bit his tongue, but it was too late.

For years they had been weaving a delicate, complex web of flirtations. It had started with polite greetings and stolen glances amid blushing. With time, they had advanced to casual and playful taps on the shoulder and the occasional hand brushing against one another when reaching for the same book. More smiles and eye contact had developed. With their brazen words, Gray couldn't help but wonder if they had swiftly taken a torch to the beautiful creation they had worked so hard to build together.

Are we best admiring from a distance? Any time I get close to someone...

I ruin it.

"She did apologize for that," Gray explained. "Said it was a bit of a test – something about 'wanting to see if there were any sparks', and she had a moment of insecurity. Am I really that hard to trust?" Gray let out a heavy sigh.

"I guess it depends on what your relationship was like at the time," Cliff murmured in reply. "I trust you."

"Took you a while to get there, though."

It took a few moments for his friend to respond. "Takes a while for me with everyone, though. I'm not happy that's the way I am."

Gray indulgently leaned into him. "I guess that's fair. You're getting better at it, though."

"Same for you. I take it you had a rough place to begin from?"

Gray let out a bitter laugh. "Do you really wanna hear it?"

He was surprised at the lack of hesitation in Cliff's voice. "Yeah."

He remembered his attempts at socializing back in trade school. His empty apartment had left his heart equally so.

Living alone was supposed to be freeing...

The loneliness that crept in at night left him awake for days on end. Never a particularly outgoing child, he had often waited for others to make the first move when it came to making friends. Multiple classes and juggled schedules meant that the sea of faces he saw every day was ever-changing, inconsistent.

Several book clubs on various subjects posted fliers on the bulletin boards at school, or stapled them to phone poles by the crosswalk. Classic literature, mystery novels, westerns, romance novels – he joined them all, his pockets lined with slips of paper listing times, phone numbers, and locations.

The meetings always had more people than he expected.

"Grayson? Do you have anything you want to add?"

He hated and loved the faces that turned toward him. He could feel the heat rise in his cheeks. They were smiling, interested, engaged.

It was terrifying, he quickly decided.

I don't want this.

"Book's shit." His words were mumbled, not audible.

A curious set of blinks was given in his direction. "What? Could you repeat that please?"

Gray flipped his thumb along the edge of his paperback. "I said the book's shit. A primary school student could write better than this garbage."

"Care to elaborate?" The head of the group's eyebrows furrowed and Gray realized that he had likely insulted her favorite book. A thrill came over him as he noticed the attention he had garnered. It still frightened him, but he felt a rush of adrenaline he thought he could never feel again.

"The symbolism of the toy ship being too heavy to float felt a little heavy-handed, y'know?"

"How so?"

He hesitated, irritated that she had pressed him for more information. "Just is. I mean, after Janice's best friend drowns in the swimming pool, it feels like the writer's analogy is way too on the nose."

Half the room groaned; he had revealed the end of the novel when they had only been assigned a few chapters.

He continued, his voice gaining momentum. "Childhood lost. A sinking feeling in the pit of your gut. A direct analogy to the drowning. It coulda been more subtle."

The woman sitting across from him gave him a strained smile; it looked more like a grimace than anything else. "I think... you might be further ahead in the book than others." She raised her eyebrows.

Gray wasn't listening. "I mean, it sucks when you lose a loved one, but do they really have to compare it to drowning? Kinda lame. It's like the author got hooked on one idea and refused to let go of it-"

"Seems like now might be a good time for a break. I made some oatmeal cook-"

"It's kinda stupid when you think about it, really." Gray's voice had only grown in volume. "They could have used like... any other symbolism there, but they were stuck to the damn water..."

Her voice was stern. "I think you should go."

Looking up in surprise, he saw several pairs of eyes glaring at him in indignation.

Swallowing back the jabbing pain, he forced himself to brush it off, rolling his eyes. "It's cool. I know when I'm not wanted." Casually tossing the paperback over his shoulder, he walked out the door, not bothering to see the expression on anyone's face or where the book had landed after spinning in the air.

The oatmeal cookies were probably shit, anyway. Just like the book.

He had gained a bit of a reputation in the area, and it had gotten to the point of him being barred from book clubs. His source for attention had been taken from him.

Anxiety creeping up on him, he pulled a cigarette from his jacket and lit it with trembling fingers. He exhaled menthol and stared out his window at the building across the street.

Library. Libraries are free.

He just had to come in on that fateful day.

"I'm just saying I don't think that this book belongs in the children's section," a woman set a book on the counter with a loud slap.

Gray shamelessly stared at the drama happening behind the librarian's counter.

"It's a classic," the librarian replied.

"That doesn't automatically make it good," the woman's voice was terse. "My son was in tears when I read it to him."

The librarian was quick to defend. "There are sad moments in there, but I think they're good talking points and people of all ages can get something out of it."

"It has a toy on the cover! It's misleading! I thought I was getting a happy book about a cute velveteen rabbit!"

Gray's interest was piqued further as he slowly approached bookshelves closer to them.

"What kind of parent would get a kick from making their children cry? My boy is now afraid to let anything happen to any of his toys!"

"It's not about making someone cry," Gray spoke up.

The pair looked at the young man in surprise. The mother cocked an eyebrow. "I don't believe I was speaking to you."

Gray ignored her. "Book's good."

"And I should care what you're saying because...?"

Gray found himself floundering. "W-well, because I grew up on it. Mom read it to me all the time. It's about... taking the bitterness with the good?" It came out as more of a question than anything else and he immediately hated his response. "B-but-! Nurturing something and helping it grow into its own..."

He couldn't remember the look on her face. "Are you a parent?"

"Well, n-no, but..."

"Do you have any idea how delicate the balance is when you are raising another human being? What things can imprint on them? Look at you, you're just a kid yourself. What are you? Early twenties?"

He could feel his brows furrow. "I don't see how-"

She interjected. "The human brain doesn't stop developing until you're around 25."

"You callin' me stupid?"

The librarian stood up from their seat. "I'll just mark the book as returned and I can help you find another-"

The mother glared at Gray. "Do you really want to start this with me? I don't want to be the kind of parent that unintentionally harms my kid. Does that make me a bad person? Children hold onto their parents' words – it's a lot of responsibility. One you couldn't possibly understand!"

My parents' words?

Dad couldn't even look me in the eye...

"All the past died yesterday; the future is born today."

Gray's head spun as he gripped the counter top, reeling. Tears silently poured down his face as he struggled to pull himself from the kitchen back at his childhood home. He sniffed, wiping his face with his sleeve, but his knees went weak as a heavy sob emanated from his throat.

"A-are you serious?" Mother took a step back, a hand on her chest as she looked at him with shock.

His face burned with shame as the tears couldn't stop.

He didn't remember how he left the library, or how the crying ceased. He had vague memories of sitting in the grass on the empty side of the public park, trying to catch his breath as the sky spun. He woke up during sunset, sprawled on the grass, his eyes crusted shut with salty tears. He laid there for a few moments, steadying his breathing.

Well, I guess I can't show my face in there again...

He had returned to his quiet apartment, his mind empty as he stared at the messy stack of mail that had gathered. It would topple almost every day, but it didn't spur him to further deal with it. After all, it was nothing more than another pile of problems.

The eviction notice because he was still on leave from his job repairing appliances. His boss had caught him with his bare hand dangerously hovering over a life wire, his eyes flickering. He was sent home with instructions to take care of himself and get some sleep and "some help". Gray was just frustrated he had been thwarted.

I just wanted to feel something, anything again...

Just something to forget the deep pit of loneliness that slowly eats away at the edge of everything.

When he realized with horror he had been written off of the weekly schedule, his heart sank.

So, I'm just a liability...

"Get some help"... More like "get yer ass outta here before we have to pay workers' comp".

There were others among the heap of mail sitting on his kitchen counter. The less-than-stellar report card and the notice that his scholarship was being revoked due to his poor grades. A stack of letters from his paternal grandfather in Mineral Town sent biweekly, talking about a quiet life in the middle of nowhere and offering him an apprenticeship, room and board.

The letters were written in a careful stylized hand.

"I heard about what happened with dear Feena. I've had you on my mind since the funeral..."

I don't even remember seeing him there. He must have been one of the faceless people I encountered during the wake, mumbling well wishes or whatever bullshit people say when they don't know how else to respond.

Because, in the end, we're all just grateful we're not the ones making the funeral arrangements.

He stopped opening the letters after a while.

Dad's his son. He probably just feels guilty he did a shitty job raising him. Goddess knows the horrible sayings he brought him up on...

Gray threw himself down on his mattress, staring up at the blank ceiling. He hadn't made his bed in weeks, and his textbooks still sat at the foot of the bed. He kicked them off the mattress with his bare foot, letting out a relieved sigh as they fell with a solid thump.

He hadn't attended class in over a month.

Can't exactly pass classes if you don't show up to them.

He lit a cigarette from the pack sitting on his nightstand and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke escape his mouth in a puff.

He could still hear his father's voice over his shoulder as he attempted to focus on his high school homework.

"A full ride would have you all set and taken care of. Any other subjects you have homework in?"

A teenage Gray could feel his jaw clenching. "No, this is the last of it, Dad."

"And what about your scholarship essay to Ridgebrook Engineering Academy?"

His stomach tightened. "I'm... working on it."

The light reflected off of Airu's glasses as he reached out his hand. "Lemme see it."

Gray gulped and ducked his head. "I, uh..." He sheepishly handed over an open notebook with shaking hands. "There's more in my head!" he sputtered.

He was certain that the three sentences he had written weren't enough to appease him.

Gray wasn't sure why he had flinched as his father slammed down the notebook with such force it mangled the wire binding.

"Is this a joke to you, Gray? What about your essays to Adams? Northwestern?"

Gray's lips moved, but he couldn't form words.

"You're too distracted – I get it. If we limited hospital visits to weekends only-"

"No!" Gray's voice escaped him in a sob. "Pl-please no! I-I'll try harder!"

Airu's back was turned toward him. "Do you know what your grandfather would say in times like this?"

Gray swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes wide as he remembered the kind old man that lived near the horse farm. He couldn't remember why they stopped going to visit.

"All the past died yesterday; the future is born today." Airu wiped his glasses on his shirt. "The old fool might have done some stupid and horribly irresponsible things, but he's right on the money there. Even a broken clock's correct twice a day, eh?" He let out a bitter laugh.

Gray dropped his pen, his vision blurry. His eyes were strangely dry.

"We have to think about the future, Gray. Make sure that you have a way to support yourself. It's a cruel world out there." His father's voice was muted, muffled. "You need to learn a trade. Engineering is a good field."

A good field...

Gray sighed as he realized his shirt was covered in a trail of cigarette ashes, the pale glow of the rising sun painting the room in muted shades. He snuffed it out and pulled his shirt off, tossing it on the floor.

Dad hasn't checked on me since I started school.

Bills, school, memories of Mom... I feel like I can't keep my head above water.

Almost like... drowning.

He stood up, running a hand through his messy hair, letting out a loud curse. "Damn toy boat bullshit!"

He heard a heavy stomping on the floor above him. "It! Is! Five! In! The! Morning! …. Shaddap!"

I think...

He thought of his grandfather's tidy handwriting.

I think I want to do some reading.

Mineral Town was smaller than he remembered it being as a child. A mountain to the west hugged the town lined with cobblestone streets and tidy little houses. It reminded him of the cute little villages in the fairy books his mother read to him as a child.

Strange I didn't see it that way at the time...

"You still go by Gray?" Saibara's voice was warm, familiar.

"Yeah."

His grandfather didn't look like he had aged a day since his childhood trips to town. He had good posture, a sturdy build, and based on the way he swiftly grabbed one of Gray's suitcases, his reflexes were as sharp as ever. It was curious how one viewed age as one grew older; he couldn't help but notice his grandfather was in excellent shape, and he might have some catching up on his own to do.

They had their first dinner at Doug's. It was strange seeing Ann being able to reach over the bar counter and having a pair of feminine hips, no less.

His hand rubbed the stubble on his chin.

Weird. But then again, I probably look different to her, too.

"I can't believe how long it's been!" she gushed as she bounced on the balls of her feet.

Some things never change.

He felt a natural smile curl at his lips, but didn't let it grow too wide. "Yeah."

Gray couldn't remember the last time he ate real food. It was so good he had to pause a moment; his eyes welled up with tears.

"Studying is good, but it's best to stick to something you choose to do," Saibara was saying, washing down his food with a glass of sake.

Gray nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "Yeah..."

The old man caught the emotional look on his grandson's face and turned his head to the side to give him some privacy. "Doug, the salmon is top-notch, as usual!"

He was met with a gentle chuckle. "Glad to hear it." He gave a smile in Gray's direction – it seemed the young man was having what Ann declared as "a food moment".

Dinner had been lovely, and Gray's face hurt from biting back a foolish grin.

This can't be real.

"It's been a long time since we've been able to spend time together like this."

Gray's voice cracked. "Y-yeah." He started to wonder if he was capable of saying anything else. He shoveled food into his mouth to keep from saying anything stupid.

"I imagine things have been rough. I sincerely apologize for my son in particular. I know that he didn't make things easier."

Gray blinked, his mouth full of rice.

"There's something I want you to know. Even though you've been through a lot, I want you to know that you will always have family here and we can start fresh... After all..." Saibara gave him a friendly toast with his sake glass, "All the past died yesterday; the future is born today."

Gray struggled to swallow his food.

It's the inflection. It's... kinder.

They sat in silence as Saibara waited for him to finish his drink; Gray had swiftly moved toward drinking some water to hide his misty eyes.

"Dad thinks you're an asshole."

He wasn't sure why it was the first thing he said.

Maybe it's because I love sabotaging myself so much.

Gray thought he could see a smirk under the old man's beard. Saibara's voice was calm, collected. "Well, then, you are at liberty to tell him that the feelings are completely mutual."

A grin cracked across Gray's face. "You and me – we've got a lot in common."

Apparently, too much in common.

After a handful of petty rows over sharing space and buying groceries (Saibara's daily breakfast of natto and bitter matcha caused Gray to dry heave), Saibara insisting Gray give up smoking ("the forge'll kill your lungs plenty enough!"), along with seeing a little too much of his grandfather's skin, both of them decided that booking a room at the inn for Gray was the best course of action.

"You walk around in your underwear all the time," Cliff accused.

"Yeah, but..." He shivered as he recalled his grandfather preparing tea in nothing but his undergarments. "I don't wanna see that old wrinkly ass."

"There's nothing wrong with a fundoshi," Cliff huffed, although there were the beginnings of a smile on his lips.

"But he's old! And my grandfather!" Gray paused, giving his friend a severe look. "And you dress like an old man!"

Cliff looked down at his borrowed sweatshirt. "Okay, Gramps."

The two friends talked well into the wee hours of the morning, the beginnings of the sunrise slowly illuminating the room.

"I still think she cares too much what Anna thinks. What's the point of living life if you're too afraid to do anything?"

Cliff didn't miss a beat. "In general? Because you might do something you regret."

A pair of pale blue eyes met his. "That happen to you, I take it?"

He was given a bitter laugh in response. "More times than I can count." Cliff felt the tightness in his stomach relaxing a bit. "But... you do have a good point. I took a chance moving out here."

"Yeah, and I'm glad you took that chance." Gray looked back at him and noticed his hand was still on his slim waist. "You're my best friend and I'm relieved you're here. I hope I didn't make things weird by what I said earlier... That crush I had on you, I mean."

A smile crept across Cliff's lips as he shook his head. "I'm pretty flattered, honestly. I was a mess when I first moved into town." Cliff's eyes met his, and Gray was grateful to see the sincerity in his expression. "I was still reeling from a sour... acquaintanceship... and didn't really think I was worthy of being anyone's partner."

Gray smirked. "Until your blonde bombshell sashayed into this room at the beginning of spring," he snorted.

He awaited a flustered insinuation that he was wrong. Pensiveness reflected in Cliff's eyes and voice. "She had grass stains on her knees and mud on her shins. She had gotten a little too much sun – her nose was pink. She was wearing this cute peach color on her lips and she didn't have a single blonde hair out of place. Her eyes... they were like stars..."

Gray's snort turned into a full-blown laugh. "So much for your weak excuses insisting you were focusing on that field guide!"

Cliff blushed deeply. "I think I read that same paragraph a dozen times while she was in the room, and it still didn't make sense."

"Goddess, do I know that feeling..." The smile left Gray's face as his chest began tightening once more, a cold, sinking feeling taking over. "It was hard to focus knowing Mary was just a few steps away..." He let out a heavy sigh. "What I'd give for that comfortable awkwardness again."

"You'll get there. It wasn't fair for Mary to pressure you into jumping out the window like that, but if she's trying to improve herself, that's on her. She's not trying to change you – she's trying to change herself." Cliff gave his friend a sympathetic look. "It's important to allow her to do that, to grow."

Gray felt the lump in his throat dissipate. "I guess it makes sense... Where did you hear that one from? Carter?"

Cliff shook his head. "Someone old and wrinkly."

Gray laughed. "At least one of us is willing to listen to him."

And maybe I should more often, too...

Gray awoke as he felt the sunlight on his eyelids, but he refused to open his tired eyes. The bed was warm, and so was the body he was leaning against.

His eyes snapped open, revealing the back of his friend's head – thick, tousled brown hair. Cliff's breathing was slow and steady, the covers rising and falling with him. Gray absentmindedly realized his arm was around his sleeping friend's waist and he removed it, vaguely feeling a wave of embarrassment for his clinginess and outburst the evening before.

Last night...

Gray's head was pounding, but he didn't remember the bed being this soft. He slowly began replaying the events from earlier as Cliff rolled over in his sleep, facing him.

Drinks.

Crying.

Spilling out his whole heart and opening wounds that had been festering for years.

Purging poison.

We both slept that hard, huh?

He buried his face into Cliff's chest, remembering the comfort it had brought him before.

A solid, steady heartbeat.

This is nice.

… And I'm being selfish again. This is his first day back at work and I had to bother him like this and keep him up late...

His friend murmured something unintelligible and stirred in his sleep. Gray could feel him stretching and he was greeted with a pair of deep blue eyes as they sleepily blinked open.

Gray felt his cheeks burn as his mind sped up, recalling all of his tears and spilled secrets. It suddenly felt more real to him, and he gave him a little more space, embarrassed.

Cliff was unfazed. "It's okay, Gray. I grew up in a family of cuddlers. Half the time I couldn't tell whose arm I was hugging and who was spooning me."

He moved back in; the warmth was nice. "I'm sorry for keeping us both up so late."

"I'm not."

Gray considered his friend's words. "Thanks."

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for reading, and welcome to the latest update! I wanted to make an update kinda as a birthday gift to myself, but it also helped me push through this domino-effect angst fest that was set off by Cliff's hospitalization. I wrote a majority of this chapter over the course of one night and I was so excited to have that flow again after being stumped on this chapter.

There was so much I wanted to include here – I knew that I wanted to have Cliff returning to work next chapter, but I wanted to give Gray a proper backstory and outline all the problems going on in his relationship with Mary. Most importantly, I wanted to let readers in on Gray's inner thoughts and what goes on in that enigmatic brain of his. I juggled a couple ideas around, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I was eager to share that Gray's love of reading was something he got from his mother and I might have had a little too much fun making Gray be kind of a bitch in the book clubs he participated in, spoiling the book for the other members and being eager to tear into how the author wouldn't let go of a single idea, all the while doing the same thing himself.

I also was soooo relieved to lighten things up a bit by the time he began talking about moving to Mineral Town. It's been so long since I've really written humor that I worry sometimes I've forgotten how. I made myself laugh, at the very least. I hope it made you crack a smile. :)

In all, I'm looking forward to writing Gray being a little more open with everyone about his feelings. That includes telling his friends he cares about him. We already know that Cliff slept with his whole family growing up, but I wanted to carry that over in this chapter, using physical closeness for platonic and emotional bonding. It's one of those things that I feel there's a double-standard in our society for, but guys can be friends and cuddle, too. :) I've really enjoyed writing Gray and Cliff's friendship and watching it grow, and I hope you have as well!

I didn't want to brush off Gray's crush on Cliff, even though that wasn't the root of the problem in Gray's relationship with Mary – Gray admired/still admires his independence and humility, and Cliff was genuinely flattered that someone saw him as having any worth at that point in his life.

Also, I have a question for y'all!
INTEREST CHECK!
I've been practicing narrating as a hobby, and I'm curious how many of y'all would be interested in me reading my chapters aloud and posting them on You tube. I'm trying to get more comfortable with speaking and getting comfortable with the sound of my voice as I've been working on myself and trying to gain some confidence. I've been having a blast doing it for loved ones, and I think it could be fun to do this! I'd need to clean up the first chapters for ease of flow before reposting them online and reading them for an audience. I'd love to know what you think about the idea. I might put some of my one-shots on there, as well!

For music inspiration, I listened to a lot of "Plants" by Crumb and Fur's "What Would I do?"

A special thank you to everyone who let me bounce ideas off of them, the kind words of encouragement, the listening to my ramblings, and the beautiful fan art! Feel free to check out my tumblr ( durotoswrites) for ramblings on my writings and my own art, too! I'm hoping to illustrate some of these chapters someday. My art's a little... rough, but I'm learning more with each sketch!

Thank you all once again for reading, and I hope you have a great Mother's Day! Take care, and I hope this chapter made you feel all sorts of things, and hopefully a smile at the end! :)