Severus swept through the Hogwarts corridors, feeling annoyed. He hated it when Albus summoned him. Though it be just words delivered by an owl or a student, it felt so similar to the searing pain he felt in his left forearm.
It was the lack of choice, that rattled his cage.
Severus, my office, nine o' clock.
Not any explanation, or even asking if Severus was free. He could have plans for all he knew!
Severus thought with a pang that he hadn't taken Serena out for dinner that month as he had planned. They hadn't done anything as a couple since Christmas, three months ago. He gritted his teeth as worry flittered in his stomach. Would she forgive him? Was three months a lot? Was he failing at being her husband?
Stop! He ordered his over-active mind to calm down.
It was rather difficult to venture into the muggle world at the moment, even in disguise, he thought rationally. He couldn't take her anywhere, he simply couldn't and that was that. Things in the castle had been rather calm for a few weeks, but they could all feel that danger bubbling below the surface.
He heard footsteps coming towards him from further along the corridor and he slipped into the shadows of a tapestry carefully, his senses on high alert. He glanced at his watch. It was nine o' clock; the students' curfew.
The figure was still several metres away when Severus recognised the messy black hair and arrogant swagger of Harry Potter, giving Severus ample time to casual step out from behind his hiding place and make the boy wet his pants.
"Potter!"
The boy stupidly moved as though to go for his wand, but one look from Severus stopped him.
"I-you took me by surprise," he spluttered ridiculously.
Severus raised an eyebrow, thoroughly enjoying himself. "You, Potter, are out past curfew. Have we not told you enough about the importance of security in the castle, security to protect you, might I add, or are you just too ignorant to care?"
Severus smirked as the boy turned red with anger and he could see the inward battle of will, as he forced himself not to say all of the insults Severus could just read in his mind.
"Well?" Severus drawled, poking him a little further.
"I was with the Headmaster, sir," Potter said in a tone that Severus did not appreciate.
"Is that so," Severus sneered, taking two steps forward and standing up as straight as possible, intimidating the scrawny brat in front of him.
"Professor Snape." Albus' voice made his stomach sink. Always ruining his fun. "I see you have crossed paths with Harry. You are indeed correct in saying that he is out of bed past curfew, but it was unfortunately all my fault. Run along now Harry."
Severus glared at Albus as Potter sidestepped around him and retreated towards the seventh floor.
Albus raised his eyebrows and Severus felt his temper crackle beneath the surface.
"Well?" Severus sighed, trying to appear bored rather than angry. He knew that annoyed Albus the most. "You ordered me here, are we going to spend all evening in this corridor or are you going to invite me to your office?"
Albus gave him a reproachful look, but his eyes started that infuriating twinkling and the old man gestured behind him to his office with his ever-blackening hand. Severus just managed not to roll his eyes as he strode towards the gargoyles that hid the spiral staircase from view.
Severus sat down in his usual chair, but for once, Albus stayed standing, preferring instead to linger over his penseive that was floating just outside of its cabinet, fresh memories twirling on the surface of the hazy silvery glaze.
"I asked you here tonight, Severus-"
"Ordered," Severus muttered under his breath, but Albus continued as though there had been no interruption.
"-because I wish to confide in you… I wish to confide in you a heavy weight I have been carrying for months now, a theory, if you like, or an idea, which thanks to a memory Harry acquired for me, I can now confirm with almost certainty."
"Stop speaking in riddles."
"What I am about to tell you is of the upmost importance." Albus had begun walking in slow circles now, around Severus' chair and his desk, disconcerting him. "Harry must not know until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?"*
"But what must he do?"* Severus asked with more urgence. He hated it when Dumbledore skirted around the facts.
"That is between Harry and me."*
Severus did roll his eyes this time, but Albus was too engrossed in his thoughts to notice.
"Now listen closely, Severus. There will come a time- after my death- do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake." *
Severus barely noticed the pain the name caused him. "For Nagini?" he said, astonished at the sudden turn in the conversation.
The next minute of conversation was almost like a blur in Severus' mind. He listened more attentively than he had ever listened to Albus. He hung on to his every word. His eyes followed the man around the room as though his life depended on it. He stored every detail of information carefully in his mind, but when he assembled all of the pieces the conclusion stunned him.
"So the boy… the boy must die?" he asked, quite calmly.*
"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus."*
Severus felt bile rising up in his throat at the knowledge of what Albus was relaying to him. This couldn't be true. Albus surely wasn't capable of such a thing.
"I thought… all these years… that we were protecting him for her. For Lily."
Just saying the name brought up old feelings that he thought he had learnt to set aside.
As Dumbledore tried to justify his words, Severus felt as though he was falling. Lily's son would have to be murdered. Lily's son would die. Her only heir.
"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?"*
"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"*
The horrific implications at what Albus was saying made Severus tremble. Bright blue eyes and young, innocent hands flashed before his vision. Her screams echoed in his mind and it took all of his force to pull his mind away from Malfoy Manor and back to Albus' office.
He stood up, his hands shaking at the realisation of what was happening. "Lately, only those whom I could not save. You have used me."*
"Meaning?"*
"I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in danger for you, put my wife in danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter-"
"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore in an infuriating tone. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"
It was too much. "For him?" he shouted, his anger and pain and confusion boiling over. "Expecto Patronum!"
He couldn't take his eyes off the silvery doe that bounced around the dark room, lighting up the space all around her with her innocent, pure glow. She had represented so much. She had been his first love, his obsession, his anger, and then, his conviction. She represented all the reasons he had chosen the light. She represented his second chance at life, his opportunity to redeem himself, to put things right. And now, Albus was telling him it had all be for nothing.
As the doe made a final leap for freedom out of the window, the bright light faded and they found themselves in darkness once more, lit only by the pensieve.
He turned his anger on Albus, but the tears he found in the old man's eyes made him pause.
"After all this time?"
"Always."
…
Severus ascended the steps. One foot in front of the other, he climbed until his thighs burnt, until the wooden door opened before him and cold, crisp air filled his lungs.
He stepped out onto the platform and caught his breath, stretching his legs and gazing out over the castle grounds. His feet carried him forward towards the metal barrier that was dangerously low and he leant over it, out of the turrets and looked down.
He had found Serena here once, he mused as his head span at the great drop that stretched out beneath him. He hadn't understood, at the time, why she had run to hide at the top of the astronomy tower, but now he did.
The thrill of the danger was exhilarating.
He could jump at any moment. He could lean over a little too far. He could cast his wand aside and leap into the night.
Would anyone care apart from Serena if he jumped right at that very moment?
Albus, perhaps. But only because it would fuck up his plan, Severus thought bitterly.
And what a plan it had turned out to be.
Severus clenched the railing tightly as his felt anger and grief shake his body.
Lily had died protecting her son.
Lily had thrown herself in front of her baby, begged to be killed in his place, and she had been murdered in cold blood, despite Severus' attempts to keep her safe.
Lily had chosen to give her life to keep Potter alive, and now Albus was ready to kill him, as though her sacrifice meant nothing.
Always.
Lily was the reason he had changed sides and he would always fight for her. It wasn't about love, not anymore. It was about honour and conviction. It was about her memory and her sacrifice.
Perhaps Albus was wrong. Certainly, The Dark Lord was fond of Nagini, and he definitely had an impressive amount of power of her, but he didn't even keep her close all of the time. She was often sent to do his bidding, spying and killing for him, the Dark Lord didn't seem to fear for her safety at all, quite the contrary.
Severus brought up Albus' words once more and let them replay behind his eyes. It just couldn't be true.
And Lord Voldemort himself must do it.
Severus racked his brains but he couldn't think of a single type of magic where one had to be killed by a specific person. And how in merlin's name would that help them kill the Dark Lord? If He killed Potter then surely the dark would have won.
Severus pushed himself away from the railings and paced the width of the tower, the wind blowing his hair across his face and whipping his cloak back behind him. The wind was warm for the beginning of March.
He raced through every branch of Dark magic he knew, he thought of every spell he had seen the Dark Lord use, every conversation he had overheard… nothing.
Potter needs to be killed for the light to win the war, he thought. And the Dark Lord must kill him.
His mind whirred through thoughts as fast as lightening.
Could Dumbledore be imperiused? No, too powerful, he pushed that thought out of his mind as quickly as it came.
Could Dumbledore actually be on the Dark Lord's side? He scoffed at that one.
Is Potter immortal? Does the Dark Lord need to see that he will never beat the child? Perhaps he had kept some of the philosopher's stone or something. That would certainly explain how he's managed to survive so far… but very improbable. The brat is so big-headed he definitely would have bragged about it to someone by now.
A frustrated sound escaped Severus and echoed out into the black night.
His anger had dissipated now.
He wasn't sure what was left, but these negative thoughts and feelings were nothing knew and he knew how to handle these more regular emotions.
His mind flashed to Serena and he had to push her firmly to the side. She couldn't help him process this revelation. She couldn't ever know, he decided. It might be one step too far for even her.
Did this mean that Severus would do as Albus asked?
He already deeply regretted promising to kill the man, so could he actually pass on this strange and cryptic information? And why did it have to be when the Dark Lord started protecting his pet snake? It all sounded very improbable to Severus.
He turned, pacing between the railing and the door, sorting his thoughts and feelings systematically into boxes inside his head, ordering them depending upon their urgency, placing them in different towers and classrooms and store cupboards until everything was neat and tidy.
Everything except…
"Expecto Patronum."
He couldn't help himself. He hadn't seen her in so long, hadn't allowed himself to gaze upon her beauty and innocence, hadn't needed to, he realised.
He used to spend hours, locked in his office, letting her dance around him, keeping his office feeling warm and occupied.
But not since Serena.
Not since a real light had come into his life.
Lily had never loved him, and everything he still felt for this beautiful doe was linked now to his beliefs, to his regret, and to his determination to do what was right.
He watched as the elegant animal pawed at the ground with her hoof in front of him, cocked her head to the side slightly, as though listening to him, and then dissolved slowly into the winter air. When she was gone it felt like it always did… lonely.
Severus closed his eyes, breathed in deeply and harnessed all of those thoughts and feelings and stored them safely away in the deeper depths of his mind palace.
He felt saner, all of a sudden.
…
Serena shrugged off her robes and changed for her more comfortable black leggings and a white Nirvana crop top. She settled on the sofa with a glass of wine and a stack of essays from the sixth years.
Miss Granger was the only student alert enough to have realised that Serena had stopped teaching them the official school program months ago, and she had finally voiced her concerns earlier that day.
"And why do you think I am teaching you concealment and disillusionment charms instead of showing you how to tidy your rooms and dye your eyebrows?" Serena had replied lightly, the hint of a smile on her lips.
At this, Miss Granger had given her a small smile too. "That's what I thought, Professor. I just wanted to be sure, I was curious."
"And don't ever stop being curious," Serena had smiled. "Don't talk about this to anyone that may be too interested, though, I would like to keep my job."
"Yes Professor," the girl had smiled. "And… thank you Professor."
Hers was the first essay Serena pulled towards her. She always liked to start with a mentally stimulating one before reading the droning, uninteresting lines scribbled by the rest of them.
Dunderheads. She smirked as Severus' voice echoed in her mind.
She hadn't seen Severus since the previous day. Elizabeth had appeared late the previous night, scaring her witless by her unsubtle apparition, but delivering a message from Severus that he would see her the next day.
She knew he had seen Albus last night. She wondered if he had needed time away from her because of whatever they had spoken about, or if it was something else entirely. Perhaps he had been summoned, she thought.
Either way, she hadn't had much sleep and the glass of wine was definitely needed to keep her brain stimulated.
They were at the beginning of March now, and the tensions in the castle were high. In usual times, everyone would be worried about the exams and finishing the curriculum, but this year was clearly different.
Fear and mistrust were slowly getting a hold of the castle, and had even begun to show cracks in the fragile friendships between the staff members.
More than once, she had caught Pomona and Minerva whispering about Horace Slughorn and how he was an ambitious Slytherin. Charity Burbage was overheard accusing Filch of not being thorough enough with the school rules, and Hagrid had a shouting match with Firenze about the forest boundaries.
The students were also on high alert. They weren't just learning their spells to pass their exams… the majority of students were working extremely hard trying to master complicated charms and curses, preparing themselves for a life on the other side of the castle walls, with much less security.
The library books on defensive charms had all been taken out and Madam Pince had put new restrictions on some of the darker books, removing many of them from the shelves due to a sudden over-interest.
Serena moved her attention back to Granger's essay on the weaknesses of shield charms and their alternatives.
She had just finished the third paragraph when there was a quiet rap at the door and Severus let himself in.
He swept down upon her and kissed her lips sweetly, before straightening up and unfastening his outer robe.
"Good evening," he said in a silky voice that send a slight shiver through her body.
"Good evening," she replied, her voice slightly raspy as she recovered from the kiss. "Did you miss me?"
Severus raised an eyebrow at that and went into the kitchen. Surprisingly, he came back with a glass of red wine for himself. He sat down on the sofa next to her and they clinked glasses.
He leant over to look at what she was marking.
"Granger," he said distastefully. "You'll be here all night then."
She gave him a reproachful look. "She is really making an effort with the length of her essays now, I'm sure you've noticed. I told her I'd stop reading at the required amount of inches, and that she needed to learn to be more succinct."
"I've been telling her the same for years."
"Well, she's improving."
Severus frowned, leaning over to check the title of the essay. "Professor Lake," he drawled in fake astonishment. "Are you teaching non-Ministry approved spells? My, my, dear Professor Umbridge would not be happy."
Serena couldn't help but smile at the thought of Umbridge's outrage. "You sound just like Granger, she remarked the very same thing today."
She burst out laughing at the face Severus pulled at the thought of being compared to Miss Granger.
"You're in a good mood, is this what twenty-four hours away from me does?" she teased as she wrote a comment in the margin.
"Has it only been twenty-four hours?" he said smoothly, "it's felt like a lifetime."
She spluttered a giggle. "Now I really am worried. Haven't had any of Romilda Vane's chocolates recently, have you?"
He groaned, "oh please don't talk to me about that girl. I'd rather talk about Granger."
They bantered back and forth whilst Serena marked a few essays, but after half an hour she set the pile to the side and picked up her wine. "Well, I give up, it looks as though I'll have to mark them tomorrow."
"I have been known for my distracting qualities," he purred, looking her up and down suggestively.
Severus leant over slowly and took her glass from her hand, before putting it down on the coffee table in front of them.
"You're going to need both hands," he murmured, clasping them both in one of his and leaning in to kiss her deeply, his soft lips moving against hers and sending butterflies into her stomach. His other hand came up to cup her face and tuck her hair behind her ear, before enveloping the base of her neck and holding her to him firmly, taking his kisses, barely giving her time to breath as his lips demanded a response from her and his tongue pressed his way in between her wet lips.
Her breath caught in her throat as his excitement jolted through her, and startled her own, slowly building arousal. She slipped her hands from his grasp and brought them up to thread in his long hair as he leaned over her body, supporting her neck with one hand, and letting his other discover the revealed, smooth skin of her stomach. When his fingertips grazed over her scar, she shivered, but it was not unpleasant.
She pressed her hips up, trying to have some sort of friction with his lower body and he chuckled at her neediness, stopping his kisses so he could smile at her and give her a look that melted her heart.
"Patience, my love," he whispered against her lips, before lowering his head and slowly kissing her again, his lips moving in purposefully, calculated ways, caressing her lips so tenderly that she thought she might melt with the perfection of it all. His warm hand had reached up to find her breast now and he seemed pleased that she wore no bra.
She groaned helplessly as his large handed kneaded the soft flesh and his thumb grazed back and forth over her stiffening nipple. Her back arched into his touch and Severus' lips moved to her neck now, trailing flaming hot kisses along the thin skin before sucking her earlobe into his mouth.
She sighed with satisfaction as her own hands managed to undo the buttons of his shirt, and she finally made contact with the hot skin of his chest and stomach. Her fingers explored delicately, tracing the scars and burns as though she was discovering them for the first time. Her fingers knitted themselves into the sparse layer of black chest hair, and then squeezed his muscles with her fingernails, causing him to inhale sharply.
He smirked down at her, his eyes a molten black haze of fire and desire, and then he began to move, thrusting very slowly forwards and backwards over her body, going through the moves but barely touching her all the same. His weight was supported by his right elbow, as his other hand continued their attentions on her breasts, and Serena found herself craning up to him for more friction, needing him to rub himself against her.
"Stop teasing me," she whispered, her bottom lip catching between her teeth as she lowered her hand down Severus' chest, following the line of black hair to where it disappeared into his trousers. "If you tease me, I can tease you too, you know," she breathed, the clasp of his trousers springing open at her touch and allowing her to push her hand inside, rubbing deliciously against the thick, hard cock that was hidden only by the thin layer of his black boxer shorts.
Severus' eyes fluttered shut and he inhaled quickly again. "Oh witch…" he breathed almost painfully, before lowering his hips and allowing his crotch to thrust hard against hers now, just as she wanted it.
She leant up and kissed him hard, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him down to her, taking control of the situation, her other hand moving around and sliding under his boxers to clench his hard bum cheeks and caress them firmly.
"You are the sexiest man on this planet," she sighed between kisses, and she loved the surge of pride and contentment her words and praise caused him.
With difficulty, she pushed off his white shirt and then, getting annoyed, vanished her own top. She sighed as their skin made contact and Severus made a small moaning noise in the back of his throat, as though he'd tried to contain it but hadn't been able to.
When both their trousers vanished and she felt his large hands fondling her pussy lips, her eyes fell shut.
"This is heaven," she murmured, craning into his touch as her own fingers explored every line and curve of his body, before cupping and rolling his hot balls in her palms.
"Heaven," Severus murmured in agreement, and as she felt him position himself at her entrance, her eyes flew open to meet his, ready to connect with him in every possible way.
She gasped as he pushed himself slowly inside her, and Severus gave a deep moan when he was full seated, panting slightly and gazing at her with such wonder it could have been their very first time.
The emotions were so intense that Serena was already teetering on the edge of an orgasm, and Severus seemed so overwhelmed, that he seemed to be having trouble controlling himself too.
She hugged him tightly, whispering sweet promises in his ear as he finally began to move, each thrust like jolting lightening throughout her entire body.
"Severus… Sev, I'm…" she fell silent as she came hard, biting down on her lip and staring up at him in amazement at the power of her orgasm.
As she started to come down from her high, Severus began to move quicker, sending more powerful thrusts, withdrawing all the way before pounding into her again, his eyes never leaving hers, his gaze so intense and his grip tightening around her arm as he cried out, a raw, uncontrolled cry of pleasure as he jerked inside her.
She pulled him down against her skin, hugging him tightly to her body, not even noticing his weight.
She kissed him on the ear and then the cheek and then on his red, swollen lips, before finally letting him go. He slowly pulled out of her and cleaned them both with a flick of his wand. He gave her a smirk before walking stark naked into her bedroom.
She summoned some more clothes and dressed slowly, a happy smile on her face.
When Severus came back, he was wearing his black pyjama bottoms and a long-sleeved black t-shirt and he was carrying a strange, small vial in his hand.
She looked at it questionably.
Severus crouched down in front of her spot on the sofa and looked at her with shining eyes.
"I need to give you something," he murmured quietly. "It is very important."
She sat up a little straighter and glanced between the vial and up to his eyes again. "Ok."
"It is a copy of a memory. I need you to keep it very safe for me. It needs to be kept somewhere no one will ever find it."
"Okay," she repeated, frowning.
"I cannot tell you what it contains, and I must forbid you to ever look at it. It is very important for the war… We both know that I may well die in this war, and Albus has given me a task to do. It would be idiotic to not have a contingency. Therefore, in the event of my death, I need you to give this memory to Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter?" she interrupted, startled.
"Harry Potter," he repeated quietly. "Only in the event of my death. Do you understand me?"
She looked into his eyes that held so much love and determination.
She nodded.
"Put it somewhere safe. Somewhere I won't find," he murmured, handing it over to her carefully.
She didn't need to ask him any questions, she knew he would not be able to answer any of them, and that he would have told her more if he could, so she got slowly to her feet and went into the bedroom. Once out of sight of Severus, she tapped the silver chain she wore around her neck, and it transformed into a rather uglier necklace, with a little pouch. It was Hagrid that had given her it for her birthday. The contents of the pouch could only be accessed by herself. She, of course, had added many other curses and protection jinxes to it, and she was confident that none could touch it.
She opened it carefully. Inside lay the black business card Severus had made her, Kingsley's gold ring, her Gringotts's key and a small bottle of poison. She placed the vial of memory careful inside and transformed the pouch back into her chain, wondering how she could be making love to him one minute, and planning for his death the next.
Their relationship was seriously fucked up, she snorted.