Today for show and tell I took Bella some of my sketchbooks and journals. Of course I had to carefully edit what I brought to the library, but I showed her as much as I dared from the time since we moved to Forks.
She was very eager to look at my artwork and seemed quite impressed with a watercolour landscape I had painted of the coast nearby. I said she could keep it, but she refused, saying she couldn't take something like that.
I wish she would have. I wish I could shower her with gifts and indulge her every whim. She knows I come from a very rich family and also knows that I paint often, so it would be no great thing for her to take such a small token. Perhaps if I find an excuse to give her a gift, a holiday or occasion to thank her, then I can at least give her some small trifles that may please her.
She sorted through the sketchbooks and papers I had brought her and looked curiously at the musical manuscripts I had written in a notebook. She asked what piece it was from and what kind of music they were.
From the look in her eyes she had not realised they were original compositions and had thought I had transcribed the pieces from somewhere else. I did my best to explain the ideas behind my compositions, focusing on how the one for Esme and gave a vague description of the lullaby I had written for her. I should have known that by now Bella can sense when I am holding back.
"So are they both for Esme?" She asked. I cannot lie to her, so said no and she asked who I had written it for directly. This was not a question there was any answer for but the whole truth, and I long so to play it for her, even though it is such folly.
Sheepishly I admitted that I wrote it for her in the spring. She was understandably taken aback and immediately asked if she could hear me play it some time. I agreed. I had wanted this, but suddenly started to doubt that it was such a good idea at all. It is just music, but it reveals so much of me. She must not know how deeply I still feel for her, I am certain it would scare and repulse her. No good can come of it.
A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade! What's your favourite piece of music from the Twilight soundtracks? Mine is Roslyn.