I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes, cringe and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 124: Sonic Shorts Volume 5
"Okay, now let's watch somw Sonic Shorts again." Nova said.
"But you already showed us the last of them. Why would you show us one of the previous?" Blake said.
"... Shut up."
[Sonic Paradox intro]
(SatAM-like title card)
(It shows the Olympic Swimming Pool.)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! The Beijing Olympics are well underway! Now competing, Sonic!
"What sport is this?" Pyrrha said.
"High Diving."
"High Diving?" Jaune said.
"Uh huh."
"In a pool. With water. While he can't swim." Blake said.
"I didn't make the game."
(Sonic jumps off the springboard and dives spectacularly into the water.)
Announcer: What a spectacular dive! Now we go to our judges. (The judges give him a 10, except for Elise who gives him a 'call me', and Amy who gives him a 'have my babies'.) A perfect score! Let's go to Sonic to ses his reaction to his score.
"And he doesn't come up." Yang said.
(Sonic comes up, but starts panicking, struggling not to drown.)
They all laughed a little.
(Mario sees him and throws a life belt so he won't drown. But the life belt looked like a gold ring. It disappeared and started panicking again.)
They all laughed.
"That was a clever joke." Jaune said.
(Next short)
(A fine day in Green Hill Zone. A Motobug was with his son.)
Motobug: Well, son, today I think you're ready to ride on your own. Without your training wheels.
Motobug Jr.: But daddy, I don't think I'm ready.
Motobug: Nonsense! Just give it a shot! (He removes the training wheels.) There you go.
Motobug Jr.: I... I'm doing it! I'm doing it, daddy!
"Yay, he did it!" Ruby said.
"Robots grow so fast..." Nora said, making Weiss facepalm.
Motobug: That's it, son! Ride like the wind!
(A Roller comes into the scene.)
Roller: Hey. What's with all the ruckus.
Motobug: My son is riding on his own for the very first time!
Roller: I see, but... should he be riding near those spikes?
"Spikes?" Pyrrha said.
(They see the little Motobug running into the spikes and getting impaled.)
Everyone was shocked.
"Shouldn't a small animal come out?" Yang said.
"I think it's dead too." Blake said.
Roller: I totally called it.
(Next short)
News reporter: Sonic is destroying the city!
Sonic: That's not me.
(Later)
News reporter: Sonic has stolen the Chaos Emerald!
Sonic: That's not me!
(Later)
Knuckles: (sees Silver) Whoa! Sonic is flying!
(Sonic then goes insane. Screams, rips his own ears, mouth foaming and passes out.)
They all laughed.
Amy: (dives at Silver) Sonic!
"Did he really got mistaken for another hedgehog so many times?" Pyrrha said.
(Next short)
(It was a stormy night. Sonic was fighting Metal Sonic. He was attacking form everwhere, but Metal was protected by his force field.)
Metal Sonic: It's no use. My design is flawless.
Sonic: Hmph... There's only one thing I haven't tried yet. (Sonic runs at him... and kicks him in his metal balls.)
Metal Sonic: Oh, man! Ah, son of a... (A couple of nuts fall down... and a huge screw. He then turns off.)
They all laughed again.
"They all fell!" Yang saod while laughing.
(Next short)
(When Sonic first met Shadow.)
Sonic: Say something, you fake hedgehog!
"Za Warudo!"
Shadow: Chaos Control! (Nothing happens.) Chaos Control! (Nothing happens again. He looks at the emerald and sees two AAA batteries missing.)
Some of them laughed.
"Ah, I fell for that once." Ruby said.
"Yeah, and it was hilarious. Why isn't it working?! And dad is like 'It needs batteries'."
Shadow: What the- (Sonic knocks him down.)
(Next short)
(Back at the Olympics. Eggman was laughing at Sonic for that incident. Sonic had enough. He shoryuken'd Eggman into the pool. Eggman was drowning.)
Some of them laughed.
"That's weird. You think that he would float because he's fat." Nora said.
(Next short)
(Sonic was about to eat a chili dog... but the Knuckles punched him in the face.)
"Ooooooh..." most of them said.
"That was uncalled for." Ruby said.
SONIC HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT
OWNAGE 1
(Sonic then turns super.)
"Knuckles is fuckled." Yang said. "What? Nothing this time?"
"We don't care anymore." Weiss said.
(He fricking sends Knuckles flying away.)
DON'T MESS WITH THE CHILI DOG!
Some of them laughed a little.
(Next short)
Omochao: You got the Light Speed Shoe! You can run along a trail of rings at super speed! (Sonic gets the Magic Hands) You got the Magic Hands! They're useless though, so ignore them. (Sonic gets a ring.) You got a ring! (Sonic gets another ring) You got another ring!
"Does this thing ever stops talking?"
"No." Nova said.
"Why would someone create this?" Yang said.
Omochao: You got the Fighting Gloves! They're yellow.
Knuckles: What the hell?! Why don't you just give me some gloves with 'I Am Gay' written on them?
Omochao: You got the 'I Am Gay' gloves!
Knuckles: (growls)
Some of them laughed a little.
Omochao: (to AoSTH Robotnik) You got mail! (to Sonic) You got herpes! (to Elise) You got serious issues.
"She does." Nora said.
Omochao: (to Toon Link) You got the Iron Boots! (to Big) You got the Life Belt! It'll stop you drowning! (Froggy pops the life belt) (to Knuckles, who can't lift his gloves) You got a serious spinal condition from carrying so much junk. (Knuckles again) You got a tombstone! (to Shadow) You got the Omochao Gun! (Shadow shoots Omochao at the ocean and an orca eats him.)
"Thank you, Shadow." Weiss said.
"Thank you, piss lover!" Nora said.
(Next short)
(Outside the house of Amy Rose)
Vector: Aha! A key! I'll bet this means there's treasure around somewhere! (He gets attacked by... something.)
"What was that?" Ruby said.
(Inside the house.)
Sonic: Uhh... Amy? The reason I run away from you... is, well... uhm...
Amy: Yes~?
Sonic: Is because I don't... "go" that way.
Amy: Wha... What do you mean?
Tails: Heya~.
(Amy grabs Sonic.)
Amy: YOU'VE GOTTA BE F*CKING KIDDING ME!
They all laughed.
"Sorry, Amy. I'm gay." Nova said.
"Your cunt stinks." Yang said and she laughed even more.
(Next short)
(It was Rouge and Vector in a dark alley.)
Vector: Come on.
Rouge: For the last time, I'm not a hooker! (A ring comes out of her chest.)
"She's not, huh?" Blake said.
(Next short)
Bunny: Sally girl, are you sure sugarhog will recognize us with these on?
Sally: Sonic's a smart guy, it should be no problem for him. Quick, someone's coming!
(Sonic stopped and saw two SWATbots, who were actually Sally and Bunny.)
Sonic: Huh? SWATbots here? Oh well, more for me! (He spindashes at them destroys them.)
"Oh my god!" Blake said and then laughed, along with some of them, while the others were just shocked.
"He fricking destroyed them!" Yang said.
Sonic: Oh yeah, two for one! (He starts laughing, but slowly stops when he sees the blood.) Blood? Ohhhh... (Runs away)
(Next short)
(It was Smash Bros match with Sonic and Knuckles, who had Ike. Sonic in the game runs at Ike. But Ike hit him, doing 1337%.)
Sonic: You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you, since I know everything you're going to do! Strange, isn't it?! Grrrrrr!
(Knuckles punches him in the head.)
SONIC HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT
OWNAGE 2
Some of them laughed.
(Next short)
(Sonic was running to a cliff, with a black bar on his crotch.)
"Why does he have a black bar there?" Ruby said.
"Are we finally going to see his tiny penis?" Nora said.
Sonic: I'm free! (The black bar, or tape, gets blown away, revealing... nothing.)
"Oh. What a letdown." Yang said.
"Or maybe it's so tiny, we can't see it.
(Next short)
(Sonic and Tails were on a bridge and they see Knuckles behind a big switch.)
Tails: Sonic, look out!
(Knuckles chuckles (WHAT?!) like a little bitch, witch confuses Sonic, and presses the switch, dropping them at Hydrocity Zone.)
"What was that laugh?" Blake said.
"*gasp* He chuckled!" Ruby said.
Sonic: I CAN'T SWIM! FOR THE LOVE OF CRIMINY, TAILS, DO SOMETHING!
Tails: Oh, for crying out- (Tails catches him, but struggles to hold him.) Sonic... you... think you can... stand to- ahhh... lose a little weight?
Sonic: What? And look like the 'new generation' Sonic? Are you out of your mind? (Sonic jumps on a platform. Tails drops behind him, breathing heavily.) Alright bud, let's dive! GERONIMO! (Sonic jumps into the water.)
"What? What was the point of that?!" Weiss said.
(Tails is angry.)
They all laughed.
"The shit he has to go through." Blake said.
(Next short)
(Sonic enters a dark room.)
Sonic: Hello~? Eggman?
Eggman: Good to see you, Sonic. Now, you can bear witness, to my latest, ULTIMATE weapon! (laughs)
(The lights turn on. Sonic then sees... Eggman wearing only underwear. Sonic gets his Unleashed meme expression.)
Everyone was shocked, speechless, disgusted, but most of all... traumatised.
"What the hell...?!" Weiss said.
"I didn't want to see that!" Jaune said.
"MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING!" Ruby said. She started running around in panic, towards the window.
"Ruby, WAI-". Yang tried to warn her, but it was too late. She fell off the window. Everyone went to the window and looked down where Ruby landed. But they weren't worried because, you know aura.
"Is she okay?" Nova said.
"She has taken worse hits. But I better go help her get her head out of the ground.". Yang then jumped out the window.
"GO DOWN THE BUILDING NORMALLY, YOU IDIOT!" Weiss said.
"I think that was too traumatic for her." Pyrrha said.
"Are you kidding? That was nothing compared to what I'll show later."
5 MINUTES LATER
Ruby and Yang returned.
"Hey everyone, we returned." Yang said.
"Are you okay, Ruby?" Jaune said.
"I'm fine. The grass in my mouth made me forget that... image." Ruby said. Now that that was over, they continued the video.
(Next short)
SONIC COLLECTED ALL CHAOS EMERALDS
NOW SONIC CAN BECOME SUPER SONIC
BUT ONLY DURING THE FINAL STAGE
IN SPACE
Sonic: What?!
"Well that sucks." Yang said.
AND DON'T EXPECT ANY SUPER EMERALDS ANYTIME SOON
BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU GET A CONTINUE
EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE WORTH CRAP NOWDAYS
(Sonic, in his frustration, takes the continue and throws it at the text.)
OH A TOUGH GUY NOW AREN'T WE?
SONIC HAS ERECTILE DISFUNCTION
Some of them laughed.
"Don't mess with the text." Nora said.
(Next short)
?: Sonic! Prepare to meet your doom!
"Please, not anything gross!" Ruby said.
(The light turn on revealing... Coconuts and two badniks.)
"Phew..."
"That was very disappointing." Blake said.
Sonic: Coconuts... hehe. Hey, Tails...'nuts'. (They both start laughing.)
Some of them laughed a little.
"I can't believe I laughed with the word nuts." Yang said.
(Coconuts gets angry.)
Coconuts: Oh yeah?! Attack, my Crabmeat!
Tails: Crabmeat? Is that legally your name?
Crabmeat: Right! I'm a crab! What did you expect?
Penguinator: Enough of this banter! (Evil zoom-in) We will destroy you until you're nothing but dust. I, the mighty Penguinator, will personally send you to HELL.
Everyone was surprised, but giggles started being heard.
(After a small pause, Sonic starts laughing again.)
They all laughed.
"Are you serious?"
Penguinator: What? How dare you laugh at my mighty powers?! I'll make mincemeat out of you!
"Yeah. And then you'll play with snow." Blake said.
(Coconuts, having enough of this, throws a coconut at Sonic and knocks him out.)
"Really? It only took a coconut?" Weiss said.
"People have actually died like that." Nova said.
"You're joking." Blake said.
"Not at all."
(Next short)
Eggman: (on TV) I don't like the way you attacked Chris and Cosmo! It's one thing to take them prisoner and threaten them, but when you actually hurt somebody, that's going too far!
Decoe: (on TV) You said it, doctor!
Bocoe: (on TV) Even we have some principles!
(SatAM Robotnik, who was watching that, didn't like that at all.)
"What the hell is that Eggman? He actually looks scary." Yang said.
Robotnik: Snively!
Snively: Oh no! (screams like a girl) Yes, sir...?
"That's one scary looking pingas." Nora said.
Robotnik: I hate him! I hate him! HATE HIM! (Snively screams again and types some coordinates for a missle launch.) Hate! Hate! HATE HAAATE!
"This one has serious issues!" Pyrrha said.
(The coordinates for the 4Kids building are uploaded.)
Robotnik: (presses the button) Die!
(Several missles are launched. A wormhole opens to their target.)
"Is he going to blow up the building?" Blake said.
"He's actually doing a favor to society." Nova said.
"The shows were that bad, huh?" Yang said.
"The censorship only."
(Meanwhile, at the 4kids building.)
CEO: 4Kids executives, once again we've done it! Sonic X is our most popular show on the whole lineup! What with our wonderful editing work, and not hiring those god awful voice actors from the video games.
"But that Eggman was from the video games." Ruby said.
"All of them were in the video games, but they didn't use the old ones. But at least they were good."
CEO: There's only one way I can think that we can make it better. Which is, we need a spin-off!
(The missles were still going.)
"That's not a bad idea." Jaune said.
Monopoly Man: Oh, yes! And what character should we use? Tails? Knuckles? Shadow?
CEO: Oh, pffffft. Noooo. None of those boring characters.
"Huh? How are they boring? How is Shadow boring?! He has guns! GUNS!" Ruby said.
CEO: What we need is a spin-off of the most popular character of all... Chris Thorndyke!
"Who is that again?" Yang said.
"The kid." Nova said.
"... Is he stupid?" Weiss said.
"Obviously."
(The missles were pretty close. The building was visible from the other side of the wormhole.)
Annoyed executive: Okay, that's as far as I can stand. That is without a doubt one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard of in my entire life! No one likes Sonic X! Nobody! Are you... purposely trying to piss people off even more?!
CEO: *babbling* And what are these so-called people gonna do about it, huuuh? *babbling*
"Very mature." Weiss said.
"Blow you up probably." Blake said.
(He sees the wormhole and the missles coming.)
CEO: Oh crud...
(The screen turns black and the building is destroyed.)
They laughed a little.
(Meanwhile, at Robotropolis, the signal was lost.)
Snively: Target has been completely destroyed, sir.
Robotnik: Oh, it just makes me tingle all over... YES!
"Yang, I'm scared." Ruby said.
Snively: Oh, very good, sir. I'll see if anything else is on. Hmmm... (He changes the channel, and puts Sonic Underground. Robotnik doesn't like that too.)
Robotnik: Snively!
Snively: I'm working on it, sir!
"Eggman will save television!" Nora said.
[Credits]
(We see Mighty and Ray in the bar, like usual. Then Knuckles comes.)
Knuckles: Ugh... give me... I don't know, just... lots to drink...
Mighty: Woah, Knux! Uh, what's the problem?
Knuckles: I don't believe it, she left me! My life is OVER!
"He had a girlfriend?" Pyrrha said.
"It was the bat, probably." Weiss said.
Mighty: Hey, hey, slow down. Tell us what happened.
Knuckles: (drinks some beer) It was supposed to be a romantic evening.
(Flashback)
Knuckles: Hey, sweet thing. Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. *gasp* What the...? (He looks up at the altar and sees that the Master Emerald is missing. There was also a note that said: Dear Knuckles, I'm leaving you. The Master Emerald.)
"What?" Blake said.
Knuckles: Why did... Oh no!
(End of flashback)
"Oh my fucking god..." Weiss said.
Knuckles: Can't believe it, after all this time... It's gone forever! (Starts crying)
Some of them laughed a little.
"He can't be that stupid..."
Mighty: Um, Knux, the Master Emerald didn't leave you.
Knuckles: I... what?
Mighty: It's an emerald, you moron! It can't just walk away on it's own!
Knuckles: Well, I guess you... I... uh... you... huh. (Breaks his cup) EGGMAN! Darn it, this is the LAST TIME!
"I doubt that." Yang said.
(And so, at Eggman's decidedly phallic base.)
Knuckles: Hey Eggman, did you steal the Master Emerald?!
Eggman: (on his bed, hugging the Master Emerald.) No?
"What?!" Jaune said.
"NOT AGAIN!" Ruby said.
Knuckles: Ah, fair enough.
(The e-)
Knuckles: WAIT A MINUTE!
Some of them laughed a little.
"Okay, it's official. He's a dumbass." Yang said.
And done! Like, follow, leave a review AND NOT A REQUEST, send me a PM if you want and READ THE NOVA FORCE. See you soon!