A/N: Text message conversation with Bella (in italics) and Edward (plain text), it takes place in the evening of the same day as part 95

Thank you for helping me conquer my fear Bella!

You're very welcome. Do you think it made a difference?

Oh yes! I drew all the lady this time.

Can I see your pictures? I didn't get a chance before.

Of course. Here they are.

They're lovely. Are you going to finish them?

I think they're finished now. I don't want to add colour.

I didn't mean that, I meant that, well, the outlines don't go all the way around.

Yes they do silly!

What's this bit of a lady called?

[sends picture of Edward's drawing with where the breasts should be circled]

The trunk.

Edward.

I do not have a trunk. Elephants have trunks, not women.

I'm going to zoom in and maybe you will see what I mean then.

This part of the drawing. There isn't much detail here is there?

Her body didn't have much detail there.

Really? Did you check?

Oh yes.

By looking ?

Yes

With your eyes?

Well, no, but it's all there Bella. Trust me.

Edward, I know you're very shy and today was a big step for you.

You really wanted to, well, tried very hard, repeatedly to, run away.

I don't want to belittle your efforts because I know it was difficult for you.

It was very scary indeed.

I thought so. You looked quite worried. I think you were hissing at some points.

I was? Oh I'm sorry. That wasn't very polite.

That's ok. I think it was your anxiety.

Probably. It helped me when you told me what to do.

Yeah? I was worried I was being bossy.

Don't worry. I like it when you're bossy Bella.

Edward!

What? Was that impolite? Sorry.

No, I was just surprised. Usually you don't like people telling you what to do.

You're different.

I see.

Well, to be perfectly, brutally honest I'm not sure you're finished conquering this fear yet.

Why?

Because you didn't look at the parts of the model you are scared by.

Oh dear.

Oh dear?

Oh no.

Are you ok?

Well. I'm looking at the scary parts of the pictures and having trouble working out what's there.

Is it because you didn't really look?

It might be.

Ok, let's try something easier. Can you draw a butt?

Hahaha ok here you are

[sends a quick but very proficient sketch of a man's butt]

Can you draw a lady's butt?

Ladies don't have butts, silly!

What's at the back then? Where her legs join her body?

It is one of the great mysteries of the universe.

Edward, it isn't. Come on. I think you're in denial here.

Really?

Can I ask you something that might be a bit awkward?

You can ask me anything.

I think maybe you'd better go and sit in the closet under the sweaters ok?

Nice idea.

Are you settled in?

Yes, they are so soft!

Good, ok so

When you used to hang around outside my house

Yes. I've stopped doing that now

Good. So, when you were there and I was in bed

I mean

After you confessed I always thought you were imagining

Oh god this is so awkward.

Do you want to sit in your closet? I highly recommend it!

I might need to after this.

I thought you were imagining us

I was.

But what were you imagining us doing?

!

I thought so.

Bella! how could you possibly know that?!

Well, I don't have to be a mind reader to know.

OK, so changing the subject a little.

Do you want to get married some day?

Oh Bella! Yes. Definitely. When?

Well, if you want to get married you need to be able to talk

about this stuff properly, otherwise you could really get your

wires crossed and get hurt, or hurt the other person.

Communication is really important Edward, without it any relationship is doomed to fail.

I don't want to fail, I want to be in love forever.

I think most people do. So that's why you've got to find a

way to overcome this shyness, to accept that women have thighs,

shoulders, butts and all the other things you didn't draw today.

Well, when you put it like that I can see I have been quite remiss.

Oh dear.

I've never spoken to anyone about any of this before.

Me either.

You're getting better at communicating than you used to be.

Do you think so? I like talking to you.

I like talking to you too Edward. You never judge me.

That's because you're good.

I think you're good too. You judge yourself very harshly though.

Well, I have to be careful, I make a lot of mistakes.

Everybody makes mistakes, it's what we do after we make them that matters.

You really believe in redemption like that?

I think we are essentially good, at the heart of things.

You are, definitely. I don't think I am at all.

That's why I fight so much with myself.

I wonder what you would be like if you relaxed a bit more though,

if you trusted yourself a bit more. When are you most relaxed?

Probably when we are hanging out

That's nice to hear, I want you to feel relaxed around me. I can relax around you too.

Even though I did those terrible things to you?

Well that's part of our history, not part of our present.

We've come a long way since then. We've both changed.

I hope so.

Thinking about everything changing is scary.

We're changing, of course and that's good I think, but before

we know it we'll be leaving and everything will be different.

That's a good thing though. You must be excited to go to college,

meet new people, fall in love. Your whole life is starting.

What are you looking forward to most?

You must be excited about some things.

I am. I'm looking forward to having more privacy,

reading more interesting books, meeting other people

who read interesting books and talking about them, that sort of thing.

I love reading too, books are so wonderful.

Angela invited me to the library reopening,

Esme worked on it, didn't she? I'm not sure if I'll go

because I'll really need to study for finals that week.

She did, she has worked very hard on it.

She's excited about the reopening. I hope you can come.

Will you tell me about your favourite books?

I love Wuthering Heights the most.

Heathcliff is quite monstrous though.

Well I think their passion is so strong it drives them mad.

Nobody except Cathy ever really sees Heathcliff for who he is or

respects Cathy for who she is. The whole world is against them.

They love each other so much it makes them hate everyone else.

Do you think you will love someone like that one day?

Well, it's not healthy, to be so consumed by love like that.

It ruins them. And though I know it's not the same,

my dad never got over mom leaving and in a way it's ruined part of him.

He could have been so happy all these years if he hadn't loved her so much.

I guess he couldn't help it.

Mom is a free spirit, I can see all her energy and passion is appealing.

Dad wants a stable life, he's quiet and warm in his own way, but he's not

wild and passionate like mom. It was never going to work between them.

Who are you more like?

Neither of them.

Well, both of them I guess. I want all that passion and wild

abandon mom has, my emotions are passionate I think.

They feel very strong. But then I can't cope with all the change

she always craves, the chaos drives me nuts, so I'm more like dad

in that way. Dad is very protective, that's why he's such a good policeman.

I'm protective as well I think. He's consistent and responsible,

and I think I'm like that, or I try to be.

They've both got terrible tempers and I definitely have as well.

You never shout at me.

I would have. In the summer I wanted to punch you in the face so badly.

I wanted to key your car and slash your tires.

You just didn't see it because you told me by email.

You would have had every right to do those things, though I'm glad you didn't.

I'm glad I didn't now too. Of course I am.

But you think it's romantic, that kind of all consuming enduring passion?

Wouldn't anyone?

I guess that's why it's such a popular book.

Have you ever been in love?

I don't know. I think so. He didn't feel the same though.

That must be very painful.

Yeah.

He's an idiot.

He definitely is.

So what do you think is romantic Edward?

Lots of things, making surprises for the person you love,

making art or music for them, reading to them, taking

care of them and protecting them, Have you read Neruda?

No

His poetry is very romantic.

Yeah?

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

XVII- Pablo Neruda

Wow, that's so beautiful.

I think so.

I hope you can read it to someone you love one day.

Me too.

Do you think you're ready to fall in love?

I don't think you have much choice over it.

It just happens whether you want it to or not.

You can't help it or make it go away.

That's true. I think it changes you.

I think so too. We are always changing.

On the inside at least.

How do you think you've changed since we started the biography project?

We're getting close to the final writing phase now.

There aren't many activities left to go.

I'm less nervous than I was, I've changed my opinions about a lot of things,

meditation made me realise that I worry a lot and helped me deal

with it better, gardening made me think about the passing

of time and my connection to nature, today and talking to

you has made me realise a lot about my relationship to women

and how much I need to grow in that respect. Pottery class helped

me learn to let go a bit, though doing that in daily life is still difficult.

I learned I'm terrible at cooking, and that I need to work on it and

juggling different tasks and timings, I also surprised myself about how

much I wanted to show love by cooking and watching someone enjoy

what I made. Learning sign language has been interesting, it made me

think about how I express myself and how it's hard for others to

understand me because they can't hear my thoughts, so I need to express

myself more clearly than I was doing.

I'm glad the project and working together has helped

you grow like that. It's what we hoped for when we started.

I've grown more than I ever thought I could.

That's wonderful.

How has it helped you grow?

I think it's taught me to see things from a new perspective.

Gardening was fun and it's taught me patience, and to be nurturing.

I can't have things happen on my own timeline, sometimes I've

just got to wait and hope. Cooking helped me think about doing

things for myself and how I can still care for Charlie and make time

for things I want to enjoy. Pottery was so fun, and it made me realise

that creativity isn't just about making a perfect end product, but the

process itself as well. Learning sign language has taught me how language

affects the way we process our feelings and that I should make the effort

to look at people's body language and facial expressions carefully to pick

up on their emotions, so I hope that makes me better at communicating.

Meditation was probably the most interesting and surprising, I didn't

realise how scared I was of leaving Charlie alone and how much I worried

about him before.

And of course I got to know you better and learned about how people

have reasons for doing things that you often don't know. That everyone is

fighting their silent battles.

I trust you now and I've thought so much about forgiveness

and what drives us to do things.

I've learned how much people can change through watching you grow.

So I'm less intimidated by you than I used to be.

You are?

I was very intimidated by you before. I'm not so much now.

Why?

Well you used to act like you didn't like me. Sometimes you still do.

I'm not sure why.

But I do like you.

Sometimes you'll talk to me and everything is fine, then other

times you'll shut down and look like you're disappointed and

angry at me and I don't know what I've done wrong.

Please tell me if I upset you. I never mean to.

You don't upset me.

Then why do you get so quiet? What aren't you telling me?

I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it.

I thought we were past this Edward. Come on, you know you can trust me. You can tell me anything.

I can't tell you everything.

I'm sorry, I just can't.

Oh, I see. Well, don't worry about it, it's fine.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Bella?

Yeah.

When do you want me to buy you that pizza? You went to a lot of trouble today.

Oh, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

Ok

Bella are you alright?

Yeah.

You stopped talking.

Yeah, it's late. I'd better get some sleep.

I'll talk to you in school then.

Sleep well.

Goodnight.

A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade! Have you ever tried life drawing? There are pictures of Edward's drawings on my Deviant Art page, just search for LogLadyJ, they're in the featured gallery.