Chapter 131: Jake tries Skiing

Back home the flowers are blooming and the birds are gaily singing in the trees, so where does our raccoon find himself?

It was an absolutely gorgeous spring day in Tundratown, there was a nice twenty inches of powdery snow which had fallen upon the slopes, abet it was mammal made and not natural, and overhead the sun shone down from a clear blue sky. Standing in the midst of this wintery-looking beauty were two raccoons, a lean male in a fashionable black wool pea coat and a pretty female in a lavender snow jacket. "Have I ever told you that I hate the snow?" the male raccoon griped even while he stomped his footpaws in an attempt to get them warm.

"Jake, you've told me that almost a million times so far," the female named Marie answered.

"And yet here we are, freezing our tails off in the snow instead of enjoying the tulips in bloom back home."

"I used to love coming to this ski lodge when I was in college and I wanted to bring the family up here to enjoy it too. Besides, I bet you never complained like this when you were dating Melinda Velt? I believe she used to live around here?"

The male raccoon panicked and just about lost his footing when his wife mentioned the cape jackal which he once dated before he met her. "Diamonds…ah, Melinda did live nearby, but that was long before we met."

"Sure Jake, like I said, I'm sure the cold didn't bother you that much back then," Marie continued with a hint of sarcasm in her voice's tone.

"So you want me to learn to ski?" the male raccoon quickly said in a now forced overly cheery manner. "Ski…sure…ski…I'd be happy to learn to ski!" he quickly stuttered out. "Right away, let's get some gear and go skiing!" Jake was making a beeline toward a nearby ski shop.

"Slow down, Sugar!" Marie called out practically laughing at her husband's overwrought manner. "I signed you up for a lesson. You can take it while I go meet Fru Fru."

"Lesson? How hard can it be to ski?"

"Didn't you say the same thing about surfing in Pawaii?"

"Yeah, but that water moved and this is frozen, so it stays in place. What about the boys, are they taking lessons too?"

"Nicky and Freddie went off with Kevin and his sons. They are going to teach them to snowboard."

"Kevin knows how to snowboard?"

"Jake, he's a polar bear."

"Lessons…sure!" the raccoon said before he followed her toward the shop.

Forty-five minutes later Jake found himself all geared up and standing upon a relatively flat spot on the slope with a small line of similarly dressed animals, who surprisingly were all males younger than he was. Then he saw their instructor skiing towards them and she was a very, very sexy-looking young arctic vixen in a pair of very, very tight ski pants.

"So the first thing you want to do is check the bindings on your ski," the curvy instructor said while she leaned over to adjust a strap on her ski, her rear end was thrust up towards the students. When her tail wagged to the left, most of the males behind her cocked their heads to the right and when the tail wagged to the right, they seemed to follow as if mesmerized. The raccoon didn't realize that he too was doing the same thing.

"Hey, Pop?" a familiar voice called out from behind him. Startled by the intruder, along with the guilty realization that he got caught staring at the vixen's tail, Jake jumped into the air. He came down on the slippery snow and with arms waving in desperation to keep his balance, he fell sideways into the novice skier next to him. There was a domino effect when one after the other, each of the males fell into the snow.

Lifting his muzzle from the snowy ground, he looked up to see his oldest son peering down at him with concern. "WHAT?" Jake growled and then seeing the look of surprise on Nicky's face he sighed and softly asked. "What do you need?"

"Freddie and I are cold so we are going inside to play video games," the younger raccoon answered.

"Does Kevin know that you are doing that?"

"Yeah, but I need some money."

Jake hesitated before he unsteadily crawled to his footpaws, carefully trying not to slide on the skis he was wearing. He was dressed in a brand new one-piece ski suit and with a curse, he began to unzip the suit so he could reach into his pants pocket for his wallet. Everyone else in the class was watching him with growing impatience while he struggled to get out his wallet and then handed a few bills to his son before he once again struggled to return his wallet to his pocket.

"Are we done?" the vixen finally asked with an ill-concealed tone of agitation in her previously peppy voice. When the raccoon nodded, she added, "Next time use the ski suit's pockets."

"Nick, there is just too much stress in skiing," the raccoon firmly stated to the fox next to him while they sat in the den watching sports. The sun was setting on a very tiring day for Jake and he was happy to be home.

"What do you mean?" Nick replied.

"You stand around in the cold with two long sticks stuck to your footpaws and then there is that damned chairlift."

"What's wrong with the chairlift?"

"You have to wait for the right-sized bench and then struggle to get onto it while it is moving without slipping and falling on your butt. Also, why does it have to go so high off the ground?"

"Jake, you aren't afraid of heights!" the fox exclaimed even while he handed the raccoon a pillow to prop under his arm. "You go zip lining all the time."

"Not with two sticks stuck to my footpaws!" Jake exclaimed.

"Drama Queen!"

"I am not! You have to remember to keep the ski tips up and sit forward without falling off."

"So how long did you actually ski?"

"Well…" Jake hesitated.

"Come on coon, just how long?"

"After the class was over, maybe ten minutes?"

"You didn't ski at all!"

"I spent a really long time freezing in the snow before I realized that there was a nice roaring fire and plenty of hot drinks in the ski lodge."

"What did Marie say when she found you there?"

"Not much, she was already tucked in a warm blanket next to the fireplace drinking a glass of wine when I came into the room."

"Are you ever going to ski again?" Nick asked with a shake of his head.

"Nope!" Jake quickly replied.

There was silence for a moment while the two friends watched the game on the television.

"Don't you think it is about time to tell me how you broke your left arm?" the fox finally asked.

"I slipped on some ice and slid into a pole, knocking over a rack of snowboards," the raccoon answered.

"Wait, are you saying some falling snowboards broke your arm?"

"They were really, really, big snowboards but they didn't break my arm."

"Then what did?"

"One of the boards hit a nearby hanging store sign which came loose and swung down, knocking me tail first through the store's plate-glass window."

"So you broke your arm when you were knocked through the window?"

"Actually, I rolled with the blow."

"Jake, just tell me how you broke your arm!"

"I rolled into a customer and she fell on me, breaking my arm."

"Someone fell on you?"

"Not just anyone, but it turned out to be Chief Bogo's mother, Edna. She was up there with her Red Hat Club."

"You're making this up!"

"No, they all wear fancy red hats in her club."

"Jake!"

"Chief Bogo's mom fell on top of me and my arm was angled wrong...snap!" the raccoon sighed out. "Edna is rather large, even for a cape water buffalo, but she told me before the ski patrol came that she was on a diet."

"Jake!"

"But she is okay, Chief Bogo called me at the doctor's office when I was getting my arm set and Edna isn't going to sue me."

"Why would she sue you?"

"I did roll into her, causing her to fall on me and you know the motto of Zootopia."

"Anyone can be Anything?"

"No, anyone can sue over anything."

The fox just held his paws over his eyes and gave a long groan.