AN: Here we are, another chapter here.
This is, admittedly, a little winter weather family fun time.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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"Daddy?" Sophia asked to get Daryl's attention.
She had a way of drawing the word out that made it clear that she was still getting used to it, at least when it was directed at Daryl. More than that, though, sometimes it sounded like she was savoring it—like she liked the sound of it on her tongue.
Daryl liked the sound of it, too. He liked the way it sounded when she said it affectionately and sleepily as he carried her into bed. He liked the way it sounded when she laughed at something he said or did and the word came out of her mouth rippled by laughter.
He liked being "Daddy," and he liked the idea that he would, one day, be Daddy to even more precious little beings in the world as well.
Carol was inside, right now, making hot chocolate for all of them. Sophia would be happy to have it, and so would Daryl, but it was really the other little being that was barely in existence that had seemed to want it desperately. Carol hadn't really been overly enthusiastic about them needing to buy any particular food for their weekend stay at the cabin, but the minute they'd passed by the hot chocolate, she'd acted as excited by the hot drink mix as anyone ever had been over a beverage.
Daryl was outside with Sophia, sitting on the ground and smoking a cigarette—keeping her company while she built a tiny snowman with what snow she could scrape up from around the cabin's little yard. They'd come up here to see the lights and snow. What they hadn't banked on was the fact that there had been a few unusually warm days and very little snowfall. Still, there was more snow here than in Liberty, and the lights in the nearby town square promised to be beautiful when the went later this evening to see them all lit up.
Sophia, at least, was happy with the snow, even though there weren't several feet of snow covering everything in a heavy blanket of white.
"Yeah, Soph?" Daryl asked.
"You would want me if…you was my…Daddy?" Sophia asked.
Daryl furrowed his brow at her, and she furrowed her brow right back at him.
"Huh?" He asked. She repeated the question, but the repetition didn't clarify it. "Come here—Soph. Leave that a minute. Come here." Sophia obeyed, petting her partially built snowman before she left him alone, like he might find that a comforting promise that she'd come back and construct his head later. Daryl reached a hand out to pull her over closer to him. She stood in front of him, and he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe her nose. "What you talkin' about? I am your Daddy, right?"
"I mean—I don't mean—" Sophia huffed.
"Take your time," Daryl offered. "I ain't goin' nowhere. My ass is froze to the ground anyhow."
Sophia laughed. Her giggle was welcomed and comforting to Daryl. He smiled in response.
"I don't know how to say it."
"Just say what'cha want. We'll figure it out."
"If you was my…real Daddy…"
"I am your real Daddy, Sophia," Daryl said. "Or—I'm gonna be. Soon as everything's finalized, but those are just details. They gonna let me be your real Daddy. I'll be as real as anybody else."
"You know who I'm talking about," Sophia said, leaning close to Daryl and whispering it like they were sharing a secret. Maybe they were. Maybe Sophia had waited until her mother went to make hot chocolate to have this very secret, and very serious, conversation with Sophia. Daryl nodded his head at her.
"He was your biological father, Soph," Daryl said. "Means he made you in the way Mamas and Daddies do…but it don't make him no more real than me. You understand that?"
Sophia shrugged.
"I guess…"
Daryl swallowed back his amusement. Sophia was five, going on six as she always said, and even though she could make him forget that quite often, there were other times that he remembered it well.
"I want you, Sophia," Daryl said. "And—I love you. I can't wait 'til it's all official and so much my kid that can't nobody in the whole damn world deny it. And if I was your biological Daddy—your first Daddy? I'da been outta my mind bein' so damn excited knowin' you was gonna be born. I'da wanted you night and day. And when you was born? I'da wanted you even more than I ever thought it was possible to want anything."
Sophia stared at him, her little brow furrowed. After a moment, her features softened slightly and she brought her arm up to wipe her nose on her sleeve.
"Here," Daryl said, intercepting and wiping her nose again with the handkerchief. "You feel better now?" Sophia nodded her head, but it was very clear to Daryl that her mind hadn't wholly been put at ease just yet. "What is it? Out with it…"
"You woulda wanted me as much as you want my brother?" Sophia asked.
Daryl chewed his lip. He glanced over his shoulder toward the cabin to see if Carol was on her way out. There was no sign of her. She was still inside. It was entirely possible that, in addition to hot chocolate, she'd found something else to occupy her for a few moments. Since the baby had come into existence, she could sometimes get more distracted than she used to. Sophia followed Daryl's line of sight and then looked back at him when he looked at her.
"I don't know where the hell to start with this, Soph," Daryl admitted.
"You just—you just say what you want," Sophia offered. "We'll figure it out."
Daryl laughed to himself to hear her echoing his own words back to him.
"Fine," Daryl said. "Then I'ma start with—Sophia, I love your Mama. And I love you. And I love Pea Baby. And each one of them loves is a little different, because I don't know that I've ever known how to love anybody exactly the same as somebody else. But—different don't mean better or worse, you know? Just means different. And it don't mean more or less, neither. I love you, Sophia, as much as I'm ever gonna love anybody, OK? And I ain't gonna love the baby more'n you…or you more'n the baby, either. I'm just gonna love you different because you're Sophia and the baby's the baby. But—you do got somethin' that makes you pretty damn special."
"What?" Sophia asked.
Daryl smiled at her and brushed her hair back with his hand.
"You the first person that ever—ever—called me Daddy. And there won't never be nobody else that ever gets to be the first person to make me a Daddy…no matter how many babies we ever have around here."
Sophia smiled at that, clearly pleased with the distinction.
"We good?" Daryl asked.
"You want me now, even though I'm a girl?" Sophia asked.
"Of course I do…"
"You'da—but you wouldn't want me then," Sophia said. "Or you would?"
"What I want is to understand what the hell's goin' on," Daryl said. "Soph—just—tell me, OK? Somethin' you worried about?"
"You want me even though I'm a girl, as much as you want my brother?"
"Where the hell you got a brother?" Daryl asked. "You talkin' about Pea Baby?" Sophia nodded. "You know somethin' I don't know, Sophia? Because—we don't know if Pea Baby's gonna be a boy or a girl."
"Uh huh! Crockett said."
"Crockett said what, Sophia?" Daryl asked.
Sophia suddenly looked worried she might have said something she shouldn't say, so Daryl wiped her nose again, hugged her against his body, and reassured her that he wasn't mad at her before he pressed her to tell him what Crockett had said.
"Crockett said Merle's baby is a boy," Sophia said.
"It ain't neither," Daryl said. "Well—it might be, but…they don't know. Remember? They don't wanna know 'til it comes. It's a surprise."
"He's gotta be a boy, and Pea Baby's gotta be a boy, too. Crockett told Kickstand they gotta be a boy," Sophia said. "Crockett said that…he said that there ain't no man that wants a girl because girls can't do all the things that boys can do, so they gonna want a boy, and not a girl."
"Well, that's bullshit," Daryl said. Sophia shook her head. "Then you tell me—what's one damn thing that boys can do that girls can't do?" She stared at him, brow furrowed. "Girls wanna—be in the club? Look at Alice. Look at you. Not every damn body gets to wear that patch, you know, but you get to wear it. Alice? She's—savin' people's lives every day, Sophia. And…Andrea? She gets people what they need. Whether they need to be punished or…they need good things? She does that. Hell—she's the one that got it so I get to be your Daddy. And look at your Mama, Sophia. She damn near keeps the whole ass club goin' by herself. If it weren't for your Mama, we mighta had close things down. Give up some of the stuff we love. Maybe we wouldn't have the money to keep everything going. She runs everything, and she makes it look easy as shit, too. On top of that? She made you, Sophia. From scratch. She's makin' Pea Baby right now, ain't she?" Sophia nodded. "Boy or girl—she's growin' Pea Baby from scratch. I couldn't do that. Merle couldn't do that. And Crockett sure as shit couldn't do that. Couldn't no boy do that. So—there ain't shit that boys can do that girls can't, but there's sure as shit some shit that girls can do that boys can't."
Sophia, sitting in Daryl's lap now, straightened her back a little with pride. She smiled at the thought that she was capable of so many things that boys couldn't do.
"Merle says boys can pee standin' up," Sophia offered after a second.
Daryl laughed to himself.
"So can you," Daryl said. "You just—maybe make a lil' bit bigger mess of it. But, judgin' by the bathroom at the Chambers sometimes, even that ain't too damn different."
"Does that mean Pea Baby's not my brother?" Sophia asked.
Daryl shrugged.
"Don't know," Daryl said. "We gonna—have to wait and see. You want a brother?"
"I don't mind," Sophia said. "But—it sounds like maybe bein' a girl is better…"
Daryl swallowed down his amusement.
"Maybe it is," he said. "So—I got a question for you, Sophia."
"What?" She asked.
"You still love me, and want me, even though I ain't no girl?" Daryl asked.
Sophia smiled at him and wrapped her arms around him.
"I love you, Daddy," she assured him, "even though you're a boy."
Daryl hugged her back.
"I love you, too, Soph," he assured her. "Come here—lemme wipe your nose again. Then you better get you a head on your snowman so we can find some eyes and all—otherwise, it ain't gonna be able to see nothin'."
"Thanks," Sophia said when Daryl wiped her nose again. He helped her get up and she trotted off toward her snowman. "Maybe I'ma make a snow-GIRL," Sophia called back to him.
"Might be the best choice," Daryl offered.
Daryl jumped when he heard the whistle behind him. He turned around to see Carol on the porch of the little cabin. She laughed.
"I didn't mean to scare you," she said. "Come on, you two—I've got hot chocolate."
"I'ma have some, but…later," Sophia said. "Please…"
"It won't be hot then," Carol said.
"It's OK," Daryl said. "We got a microwave; we'll warm it up." He made his way to the porch and up the steps. He took the mug that Carol offered him from the three she'd placed on the little porch table, and he sat down in the swing. She came over and sat with him. "My ass is froze," Daryl said with a laugh.
"Mine thawed out inside," Carol said, snuggling against him.
"Does it make me a bad Daddy that she's usin' a cigarette butt for that snowwoman's nose?" Daryl asked.
Carol laughed and rubbed her face against him before she sat up enough to drink some of the hot chocolate out of the mug she was holding in her hands.
"No," she said. "It makes you resourceful. Besides—that won't change anything in Sophia's life. But—it's going to change a lot that her Daddy was willing to throw his whole gender underneath the bus to make her feel better about being a girl when someone like Crockett suggests it something she ought to be ashamed of."
"You heard all that?" Daryl asked.
"Bits and pieces. I've been in and out for a minute," Carol offered.
"Well—Crockett's an asshole," Daryl said.
"He is," Carol said. "And…you're still a good Daddy. But—do you really have any preference for what Pea Baby is?"
"Does preference matter?" Daryl asked.
Carol stared at him. When she spoke, her voice was low and barely above a whisper.
"Ed wanted Sophia to be a boy," Carol said. "I think—he would have loved her more…maybe he would have loved me more…if she'd been a boy."
"Well, he was an asshole, too," Daryl said, leaning to kiss the side of Carol's face.
"You really don't care if—we have a girl?"
"I don't care if we have ten girls," Daryl said with a laugh.
"Ten might be a few too many…"
"Fine," Daryl said. "We'll compromise. Six girls it is."
"Six?"
"Make it even," Daryl said. "That way—everybody's got somebody to ride with when we like—go to the fair and shit."
Carol laughed.
"I'm not sure that's a good reason to have six children," she teased.
"Then we'll work on our reasonin' woman," Daryl said. "For right now, though…what we got ought to do it."