May 16th 2021

Chapter 136
Our Arms Around Fear

Just hours ago, Maya had been looking forward to a relaxed Saturday, with her daughter, with her students' sketchbooks… Now, she was exhausted, and that exhaustion may have been born of emotions, but it felt genuine in her body as well. She couldn't put it off any longer. Not that she had been purposefully withholding information, no, but she had waited, until she could provide the thing she would need to give. She had it now, and she knew her voice would follow, so it was time. She had to call her parents.

Leaving everyone else behind, she walked out of the hospital, went until she could sit somewhere and breathe, and she pulled out her phone. To her knowledge, they wouldn't be filming today, so her mother would have to be home, or somewhere else, but in all likelihood, she'd be in the same place as her father, which was the really important part. She much preferred to think that her parents would be together for this. After what felt like forever, with her thumb hovering over the keys, she put in the call. A few seconds went by, and Maya sat back on the bench as she listened to the ringing.

"Just a second, baby girl!" her mother's voice came along, followed by ambient noises which gave Maya the immediate impression of someone moving with loaded arms, then a door, and her father's voice, both of them laughing… "Sorry, we were just coming back from the market, you wouldn't believe who we ran into, do you remember…" Katy came back on the line, still chuckling as she spoke. Maya took a breath.

"Mom," she cut her off. Silence hung for a moment.

"What's the matter? Is everything…" her mother asked, the laughter gone from her voice now. In the background, Maya was sure she heard her father speak, likely something along the lines of 'what is it?'

"Listen to me, okay?" Maya went on and, in her mind, she tried to mold her voice as though she was reaching to hold her mother's hands, or squeeze her shoulders, so she might hold her gaze. She knew that no matter what, this would land like a ton of bricks, and the best she could do was to allow the good to seep in first, like a shield to soften the blow. "Gracie is going to be okay, but she's been hurt."

"What do you mean she's been hurt, what happened?" Katy asked, and there it was, in her voice, the feeling, the weak knees… Shawn's voice in the back was growing clearer. He was standing right next to her now, and the phone must have been put on speaker, as the next one she heard was him.

"Maya? Who's hurt? How bad…"

"Gracie went to walk the dog, Una got away from her, ran into the street. Gracie ran after her, there was a car and… she was hit," she explained, leaving no space for misinterpretation. She heard her mother, who gave what felt like a mix between a gasp and a strangled cry. "She's going to be okay," Maya went on, bringing what the past few hours had granted them. "The doctor said she was lucky, and the impact could have been so much worse. She didn't hit her head, they checked twice because Grandpa insisted. She broke her leg, messed up her hip, so she'll be here for a few days, but after that she can go home. She'll be out of school for a few weeks, recovery will take months, but she will recover," Maya promised. In her heart, it felt like she was reassuring herself as much as her parents. The words were about the only thing that kept her going. "She's awake now, a little loopy from the pain meds, but she's a trooper. She told me if it had to be anyone, she was glad it was her and not the others." This notion was so like Gracie that hearing it felt like being with her, which told Katy and Shawn that their girl was indeed doing well, and it was received with an inevitable chuckle, a swell of relief.

Maya instructed her parents to go ahead and call to Grangie's phone, so they could be put in contact with Gracie as soon as possible. Her primary concern right now was going to have to be the lone figure she saw standing in the distance, just outside the hospital's main entrance. She went off to go and rejoin Nellie at once, and her little sister hurried to bridge the gap. Maya hugged her close, closed her arms around her and pressed a loaded kiss to the top of her brown-haired head.

For not being the one who'd suffered the actual accident, Nellie had been an emotional wreck from the moment she'd heard about her twin, even before. Maya would not soon forget the moment when she and Cara had sped into the hospital in search of Lucas and the others. She hadn't even made it to her husband, hadn't gotten to hold and be held by him, as she'd almost desperately needed to be, that her little sister shot into her arms and nearly made her lose balance. It was already so startling to see her, to hold her. She and Gracie may have put their features to different functions, so that they were easy to tell apart by those who knew them, but they were identical, and now here she was, Nellie, while somewhere nearby…

The two of them, they'd always been so in sync with one another, for all the days of their lives, and then today… Nellie looked like half of her heart was no longer beating, and the distress was palpable. They knew so little back when they had all arrived at the hospital. All they knew was what they'd been told on the phone, they hadn't even seen her, and for all they knew… For all they knew…

Maya knew how desperately Nellie needed for her to say the words 'she will be okay,' and it had pained her so vividly that she couldn't do it. She wanted to say them, she really did, for both of their sakes, but it was about the one thing her brain seemed able to retain, this awareness. She wasn't supposed to make this promise, not until she knew that she could keep it, and right then… Right then, she didn't know.

Lucas came up to them, and knowing Nellie would neither move nor care, he embraced his wife and her little sister at once. They didn't know anything more, they'd just gotten here, too… After a few moments more, they made their way back to where the grandparents would be. They looked so shaken up, the pair of them. They looked like it was their own child who was at risk, and maybe deep down that was what it felt like to them. Would they lose Katy for this, for not managing to keep her daughter safe? And Gracie, sweet Gracie… If they lost her…

It took a lot of convincing for Nellie to stay back, with Cara, while Maya and Lucas went to see Gracie for the first time. They didn't know what they'd find, and they didn't want to traumatize her any further. Maya would find it impossible not to think of the night when she and Lucas had their own accident, and it wouldn't be hard for her to guess that he thought about it, too, and that out in Los Angeles, when they'd know… It felt like such a terrible joke, to think how two of their girls now had been involved in a car collision, one on the inside, one on the outside… She'd been seventeen though, and as small as she could say she was, Gracie…

She looked so small in that bed. The way she was set up, her leg in traction, the scrapes on her arms… It didn't look nearly as bad as they had had time to make it up in their heads, but it still registered in their minds as wrong, like she should never have been there, small as she was. They would all have given anything to take her place. She was asleep at this point, and they were able to have a talk, all of them, about what they did or didn't know, about everything that had happened…

When Nellie had finally been allowed in to see her twin, she had held Maya's hand so tight as they walked in but then she'd released it, so she might approach the bedside. They could only imagine what it felt like to her of all people. Putting aside the fact that they were identical, so it would be like seeing herself laid out in that hospital bed, it was Gracie, her other half. She had taken up her hand in hers, not a word spoken. She'd just held her hand, so she'd know in her sleep that they were together.

Word had gone out to some friends and family members by the time she woke again. Some of them were nearby, in the waiting area, others had sent flowers, small presents as tokens of their thoughts for her until they could either come by to visit or talk to one another if they were too far away.

"Hey, Mouse-Mouse…" Maya quietly spoke, when she saw Gracie's eyes were open, barely awake but searching, like for a moment she didn't remember where she was or how she'd gotten there. Then she saw her leg, and it all came back. There was Nellie next to her, still holding her hand, and she looked like she might have gone to lie down next to her if she wasn't so concerned with causing her more pain.

"Una…" Gracie spoke.

"She's okay," Maya didn't know whether to cry or laugh, so she did both. "She's with Mrs. Talbot," she promised as she came up and carefully leaned in to kiss her sister's forehead. "How are you feeling?" Gracie gave this some consideration, tried to move just a little and appeared to regret it at once. "Careful, don't…" Maya told her, and she stopped at once.

"You'll be okay," Nellie nodded at her right then. They hadn't known it for sure at the time, but where Nellie was concerned, maybe she just needed to manifest it until it was truth. Maybe she'd done it. After what had felt like an eternity, they'd been given that prognosis, been reassured enough that Maya had felt able to call their parents. Those hours though…

Now that she'd done it, that she'd called Katy and Shawn, now that she stood outside with Nellie, it could almost feel like they were in the next chapter, like the worst was over and they could figure out what would come next. And yet… Not one of them was going to go to bed tonight thinking 'there, it's over.' They would still be in that same space, thinking of Gracie and what had happened to her, not what would come in the weeks and months to follow.

"What are you thinking right now?" Maya asked Nellie, as she brought her back to the bench where she'd been sitting.

"I… I was thinking about Desi," she admitted. "She has to know, but…" Maya let out a sigh. She hadn't even considered that part, hadn't considered how it would hit the Russell girl, who had already lost her mother, been out of school for months, and now would have been back all of a week before one of her best friends was injured and taken out of class herself.

"We'll take care of that together, okay?" she told Nellie, and her sister nodded gladly. What a rotten year… All Maya could think about now was how many people around them had been hurt, or worse… Lea's leg at the end of the summer, Khalil and Desi's mother dying, Stella's arm with the snowboarding, and now Gracie… "We'll take care of her, too," she promised Nellie. This one she could definitely keep her word on, and she would. Whatever came their way, they would deal with it, and they would see Gracie through it.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners