Chapter Title: Pieces

Series Title: Unlikely Brothers

Ages in this chapter: Tanner (12) Dashen (18)

POV: Dashen

Chapter Summary: Back in his old apartment, Dashen finds a piece of his past.

It was here. Had to be. I wouldn't have forgotten it. Ugh!

"Dash!"

I jumped, literally three inches off the floor.

"Damn it, Tanner. Don't do that."

"What? Call your name?"

"Yes, that, no, sneaking up on me like that."

"I wasn't sneaking. I've been calling your name for five minutes. You were going to give me a ride to Dec's store."

My head turned, long black bangs falling in my face, hiding the ridiculous worry in my eyes. Tanner was there, dressed, ready. I had promised him that, hadn't I?

"I did, huh? Yes, I did. Ah, well..."

I was emoting like crazy and it didn't take Jedi magic to see that. Tanner didn't mention it though, considerate kid that he was. Instead, he jumped in to help me.

"You're looking for something. Tell me what it is, I can look too."

"Yeah, um, well..."

It was silly. The thing I'd lost. But Tanner would understand; of all people, he'd be the one.

"It's something Kossi made when he was seven. This stupid little carving of a Ronto. You know those big greeny-browny, giant lizardy bantha things? No idea how to describe them."

"I can see that. Green-browny? And yes, I know what they are."

Of course he did. The kid was a freak for animal knowledge.

"Yeah, so Kossi made one as an art class project. It was ugly and crooked with this weird lump on it's back - Kossi said it was a saddle, no idea - but he'd made it. For me. And I kept it after he died. And I can't find it now. I know I brought it with me when you and I ran for our lives to escape that old room I used to rent. I had it in my travel bag. I did. Had to. But I can't find it. And I need to find it, Tanner. I have to find it."

There I went, losing my mind. Eyes welling up and everything. Typical me when I had Kossi on the brain. There were very few things important to me in this world. That stupid, ugly Ronto was one of them.

Damn it, all! Where was it?

"Looks like you checked every last corner of our place. Are you sure you brought it here?"

I was. Wasn't I? But we'd moved so quickly to escape that old apartment and at the time, Tanner had only been with me a month and, ugh! No, no. I hadn't grabbed it. It was still there. At the apartment. In my head I could see it, right there, stuck in the far corner of the galaxy's tiniest living space, partially hidden by crappy, broken furniture. Yeah, it was all coming back now. I'd thrown it there one night in despair after one of my failed efforts to end myself. I'd gotten angry with everything - the galaxy and all. Myself mostly, but I'd also gotten mad at Kossi for dying on me. There was literally nothing in my life except my little brother and then he left me too and that damn, ugly Ronto... and I hadn't moved the thing after I'd thrown it. Just let it sit there, collecting dirt and dust, thinking that would make things better. That it would suddenly bring Kossi alive again and back to me where he belonged.

I shook my head, looking at Tanner, my eyes starting to burn.

"It's back there. Damn it, it's right there. I left it. I didn't... Tanner, I need to go back, see if I can find it. Maybe the room is rented out again or maybe not, it wasn't the most attractive of buildings, I mean people weren't flocking to rent there. But if I lost that stupid, ugly thing..."

"It's okay, Dash. It's okay. I'll come with you." Tanner said, trying to calm my rising anxieties. He was ten times better at keeping his cool than I was.

"You will?" I asked.

"Of course I will. I can see Dec anytime. I'll just com him to let him know I won't be there today. Come on. Let's go find your Ronto."

—-

I kept Tanner near me. No lie when I say I literally kept him within two inches. This had never been the best part of town even though it had been perfect for me after Kossi died. It looked exactly like I felt, so it worked.

"Lesedi!"

That voice. Garbled and gruff and it could only ever belong to one person, thing, creature. I didn't know what the hell Pojo Chezit was. I'd always thought of him as a cross between a Wookiee and a Hutt. It's the best I could come up with. Big and blobby and essentially a resident wall-ornament that also doubled as security. How he actually chased after anyone, not a clue. Could be just the intimidation factor of his enormous size and disgustingness. Disgustingness... eh, Tanner would chide me for that one. I'd keep it to myself.

All that being said, Pojo was a decent guy. Never once did I have a slice of trouble with he or Jonna - the giant dragonfly woman who ran the place. Was good to see them again, even if Jonna only nudged a wing in my direction. Pojo actually smiled - at least I think it was a smile - his mouth opened and enormous jaws of oddly shaped razor teeth jiggled up and down. He said my name several times in what sounded like a joyful tone. Yeah, ole Pojo. One of the few in Kaolin who didn't ignore, walk away from, or hate me.

"Lesedi!"

"Pojo! Long time, haven't seen ya. How's things?"

"Eh, doin' what I do, ya know?"

"I know that feeling. Lookin' good, my friend. Picked up a little heft, I see?"

Not a slam, by the way. He prided himself on becoming larger.

"Always with the compliments, ain't ya, Lesedi? Feelin' large and in charge. Ya shoulda seen me crush one of them rogue troopers durin' that last raid. Crushed 'em right into that far wall there."

He motioned to the rear of the room. I could see the bare outline of a uniform indentation in the wall. Oh yeah, he must have enjoyed that one. Good ole, Pojo.

"Hey, did you guys rent out my old place? I think I left something in the room. Can I check it out?"

Pojo glanced at the fluttery Jonna who flicked her wings in some strange swirling pattern before pressing a button on her desk. That button chimed at Pojo's side.

"Jonna says it's all good. You can go up."

"Thanks. I won't be long. Promise."

That was a lie. I hadn't intended for a stay, but once I'd found the Ronto, things started happening. Memories. Those of the excruciating emotionally heart-ripping variety. Had to love those, right?

The Ronto was just as I'd seen it in my head. Right where I'd left it, or rather, where I'd discarded it. Was it possible to hate myself more than I already did for that horribly weak moment of my life?

I picked it up.

"Stupid, ugly Ronto. Why they even let the kid make something like this in class..."

I held the thing in my hand. Palm-sized. Greenish brownish orangish, no idea what color Kossi had been going for. My fingers ran the curves, the one leg just a shade shorter than the other three, the 'saddle' lump, the smiling face. Stupid, ugly and happily-creepy. It had a weird softness to it though. Made with some substance that I never did place, but Kossi had said the teacher liked to use it for sculpting better than wood or metal, because it was safer and you could keep it snug in your palm - there was some give to it. Of course, these were the same teachers that had to carry blaster pistols on their hips during class and there they were worried about odd, unattractive sculpting projects being safe. Go figure. Kossi had loved the thing and has this big silly grin on his face when he'd given it to me as a gift.

A gift for taking care of him after our folks died.

Didn't matter how stupid or ugly or creepy it was. It was from my baby brother. I loved it.

How I'd forgotten it...

"Dash, can I see it?"

I set the Ronto in Tanner's palm.

"He was so proud of this thing. Took him a couple months to make it. Ugly, huh?"

"No, it's not." Tanner said after a pause. He trailed his fingers carefully over the small creature. "It's got so many details. I saw a Ronto one time. It was huge and weird and had this fat lump on it's head and two horns. Look, that's what those are there." He pointed at the tiny indentations on the side of the thing's head. "The horns. He carved them into the head rather than having them poke out. So they didn't break off, probably. The saddle thing - mostly Ronto's are used to move stuff. Function, rather than form. They pull, push or you just load them up. They are good beasts. Not mean or nasty. The one I met even tilted his head down to let me pet it. The skin is really rough, like Kossi scraped out. So much detail. This is actually quite beautiful, Dash. It really is."

It wasn't. No matter how enthralled Tanner was with it, the thing was still unsightly. But, well, he'd given me more to think about. Apparently, Kossi had put more thought and care into this than I'd ever considered. And leave it to Tanner to know all about the creature it was sculpted from.

"Here." He set it back in my hand. "Keep it close."

"I should've done that before."

I glanced around the small apartment. Tiny rooms, cramped quarters, the galaxy's most hideous decor. There was nothing to this place, but it had been my and Kossi's home for a time before he'd passed. So this nothing was my something. And that's when the memories came flooding back and that's when they about knocked me on my butt.

Not much had changed since I'd left this place with Tanner in hobbled tow. Hunting around, I stumbled on a few things I'd left behind when we'd fled. Tanner caught my stumbles and grabbed any object I'd had my eye on. Didn't matter if I wanted it or not, he picked it up and shoved it into the travel bag he'd brought with him. The Ronto, I'd set into the inside pocket of my jacket. No way I was losing that again. Anything else went right into the bag.

Every object brought with it a memory. A towel. A knickknack. A drinking cup. There was something attached to every single piece.

It hurt my heart. Everywhere I looked, I saw my lost little brother. I heard him talking to me. Saw that huge brightening smile on his youngest of faces. The matching ebony hair and emerald eyes that marked us unmistakably as siblings. My knees buckled, I slid onto the cruddy ancient couch. This couch had seen it all. Kossi and me memorializing our folks, then planning the difficult future without them. He and I contemplating life, laughing at a silly holo-film, or sharing stories of our days. Then, my suicidal self curled up in a clenched ball of despair to mourn his death. Sobbing for hours - days - on end. Until it didn't matter anymore. And then, it was Tanner and me sitting here together a few weeks after I'd dug him out of a hole in the wall, contemplating our tragedies and where they would take us.

That couch. I'd take the damn thing with me if I could fit it in the travel bag. Sadly, this couch was one of the very few constants in my life in these past years. I guess that's one reason didn't want to leave this place after I'd found the Ronto. As much as I had everything I could ever want staying in Colton's estate house, this place... it brought Kossi to me again, if that made sense. I felt him here. And yeah, that was silly, but it's the only way to describe it.

Tanner and his magic picked up on all of my internal emoting because as I sat with my knees pulled to my chest and arms wrapped around them, he pressed down next to me.

"Dash, if you need, we can stay a while."

Yeah, we could. Probably not the best thing for me. I had enough trouble dealing with Kossi's death on a day-to-day basis... sitting here for too long wallowing in years of painful memories? Bad idea.

But... "Just a few minutes maybe."

"It's okay, you know, like you tell me, to be sad. This was your home with your brother. You'd take this couch with you if you could fit it into our travel bag, I bet."

I snorted. Together just over two years and this kid knew me so well.

"I would. It's not too late to get a bigger bag." Came my response as Tanner laughed softly with me. "Thanks, Mouse. A few minutes and then we'll go."

He left me alone with my couch, my memories and my tears. When he returned, he had a silver and blue necklace in his hand.

"I found this. Yours?"

The necklace piled into my hand. I knew this piece. "This was my mothers. My father gave it to her for a birthday. I kept it when she died. Naturally, I left this here too when I shouldn't have."

"Dash, we left here awfully quick," Tanner said, referring to our exit when we'd run for our lives after Imperial trouble. "Some pieces you forgot. But you found them again. That's what matters. All this stuff, we'll take it home and you can tell me the stories."

I nodded and patted his knee. He was sitting beside me again.

"You're a damn good kid, Mouse."

He shrugged and grinned shyly. "I try."

"One more round to see if I missed anything else. I did have a few hiding places. Kossi did too. He assumed I didn't know, but he wasn't always as sneaky as he thought he was."

Fresh mourning aside, I wandered the apartment one last time. Honestly, I was pretty sure there wasn't anything else I'd missed, but it was an excuse to say a final farewell to this place. Small and dirty and crappy and a mess... but for a moment, it had been home.

A few loose floor boards and a couple indiscernible wall panels later, I scavenged remaining items. Yeah, I'd missed these things. Kossi had sometimes shoved stuff in the floor for no reason other than to annoy me. Or to make me play silly games with him. He liked to play 'find it'. Hiding random objects that held no true value, for no other reason than to engage his big brother and maybe make me feel less worried and stressed over life.

I patted the jacket pocket where the Ronto was resting safely. If only I'd known our future when Kossi insisted on playing those silly games. At the time they were just passing moments.

I'd give up my soul to have those moments back.

But now, now it was time to go.

"Well, Tanner, we've scrounged every inch of this place three times. You ready?"

With his expressive but plain brown eyes, he looked into me. Into that soul that I'd have given up to have Kossi back.

"Dash, you have to be ready."

Right. Me. Ready.

Ready to say goodbye to this place for good. Forever. This monumental piece of my past. Was one really supposed to get so attached to a piece-of-crap apartment?

A final glance around. The last time I'd see Kossi bouncing on the dingy couch or begging me to stay up late to watch just one more holo-film. So he could spend time with his big brother, he'd said. I'd laughed and rolled my eyes at the time, knowing he was only looking for any weak excuse to say up late and eat junk food.

I knew better now. He wasn't conniving me so he could stay up late for himself. That pesky, lovable kid was doing it to spend more time with me. Why in certain moments he was so insistent on it, I couldn't say. Sometimes I got these weird thoughts in my head that maybe Kossi knew he would die young. Things he did or said. They hit differently when I remember them now. At the time, it was just he and I trying to survive. But some part of him, it was as if he knew a secret that I didn't and he couldn't bring himself to tell me because he knew it would rip my soul apart.

Damn kid.

Shaking myself back to the present, I gave a firm nod to Tanner.

"Yeah. I'm good. Weird coming back here. I'm glad I did though. Maybe subconsciously I forgot the Ronto carving on purpose. Rethinking a lot of things Kossi said and his actions. I see some of them in a different light now. So strange. Hey, Mouse, all that magic Force stuff of yours, does it only work for Jedi?"

Odd question, I know, but this had me thinking. Probably too much.

"The are other Force users besides Jedi. And everyone has different levels of ability, even within the Jedi."

"Do you think... no... no, you know what? Never mind. It's silly and weird and just my heart missing my brother. It's good. Let's go home."

"Okay. But Dash?"

Tanner stopped me before I walked out the apartment door. His arms went around me, my chin setting on his head and the tears came immediately. For the whatever numbered time, I broke down for my lost baby brother. Tanner had seen it coming and known I'd needed it. Pretty damned transparent is what I was.

"Ugh, okay," that was me trying to regroup, releasing Tanner and wiping at my face. "Thanks, Mouse. I'm okay. Promise."

Right. Like I was convincing anyone with that line. I was better though. Ironically enough, those few minutes off track got me back on track.

On our way down, I stopped again to see Pojo.

"Last time for me, Pojo. Appreciate all you did for me back then."

Pojo's overly-large and oddly shaped body shuffled as he grumbled up his unique laughing type noise. "Good people, Lesedi. We all gone missin' that baby brother of yours. Sweet kid. No grudges. Always smilin' and wavin'. Don't get much happy round 'ere. That boy always had it. Too damn good for the galaxy. I always told him that, ya know. Hope ya found what ya needed."

I had. Found what I'd come for, and some things I hadn't known I'd come for. And Pojo was right. Kossi had been too good for this galaxy. If a weird blobby security guy at some rum-dum apartment complex had seen it, no doubt everyone else had too.

"I did find it, thanks. And you're right about him. Kossi was..." Nope, couldn't go down that tear-tracked road again. "Ugh. Yeah, well, you know. I'll see ya around, my friend."

I bid a farewell to Jonna too. She flicked a wing at me as Tanner and I left the apartment and walked our way home.

"Everyone knew him, didn't they, Dash? Your brother."

"Apparently so. Who knew so many needed just a smile or happy thought in their day, huh?"

"It's good that you're still here to remember him and to keep him alive. Everyone that knew him, they always mention him. And to be remembered... he made a difference in a lot of lives. You were his brother. You were part of him."

I reached over to ruffle Tanner's growing hair. He thought about ducking, but at the last second, he let me muss it up. Because I needed that. That feeling of a little brother at my side that I loved more than life.

—-

When we got home, I took the Ronto and necklace and other trinkets and treasures and set them all on the lounge table. Each piece held a story. Each piece spoke of a moment. Good. Bad. Sad. Happy. Silly. Tragic. Every emotion under the sun.

Tanner wanted to know all about them of course. The story behind each. And I promised I'd tell him. In time. In those moments when I needed to cling to a bit of my past in order for today to be better, I'd share those memories.

The Ronto, I had a place for that. The window that held a view beyond the terrace, there was mantle there. I set the Ronto on that mantle. I could see it every time I stepped into the room and every time we watched a holo-film and every time I needed to decompress. It would be there in all it's strange multi-colored-carved glory reminding me of the best piece of my life. That little brother that everyone loved and who apparently did everything for a reason. That little brother that spent more time looking after his big brother than I could ever truly comprehend.

And if I ever needed proof of that last one, the Ronto was it.

That stupid, ugly Ronto carving...

Tanner walked to the mantle and touched it gently with a single finger, caressing the shape as if it was the most precious trinket in the galaxy. I saw his mouth move, he'd said something under his breath, I guess to no one. Then he walked over, looked up to me and shrugged.

"Just in case - because you never know about the Force," he said to me in all sincerity. "I told Kossi thank you."

Because Jedi weren't weird enough, now he was talking to my dead brother who was actually dead and not some transparent ghost apparition-type thing like with his desert-dwelling Jedi counterpart.

"Thank you for what?"

"For you."

"What do you mean?"

"He died. You decided to live, for him." True, but it hadn't actually been like that, I'd tried awfully hard to not live. Tanner went on. "You may not see it that way, but there were easier and quicker ways than the high powered death sticks you chose."

He had a point. Blaster. Flying a speeder into the side of a mountain. Vibro-knife to the heart. And on. I'd chosen the path that wasn't guaranteed to end my life. I'd tried hard though. More than once. But could be Tanner was right. A part of me was making an conscious effort to stay alive, because of Kossi. Because the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life was to let my little brother down.

Tanner saw that I understood.

"So, Dash, I told him thank you. And I promised we'd take care of each other. That's all. I like that spot for the Ronto. It fits."

We glanced over to the mantle, then to the window and view beyond. It really was the right place. The perfect place. The sun shone on it at just the exact angle to bring out the shine within the hideous greeny-browny-orange color that Kossi had used. Huh. I was convinced now that he'd made it ugly for a reason. Probably to make me smile rather than cry when I looked at it. Damn kid.

It worked. I smiled.

Tanner patted me on the back and walked off, giving me the solitude I needed.

Just me, memories of a too-good-for-this-galaxy baby brother, and a unremarkable Ronto carving. It was still ugly, nothing would ever change that, but it was a precious piece of my past... one that I'd be sure to never let go of again.

END