Daniel and Killua spend their alone time, talking about things they needed to prepare for in the further, as well as certain feelings they needed to deal with.
A\N: I don't remember if I got everything lolz… I probably missed one or a few of them 'needed to talk about it' moments. After this, it's the home stretch.
As for the next Arc… *shrug* I legit have no idea what I'm doing. I have a few ideas on where I think I know what I want to do… but they're not fully fleshed out.
Killua was tired after their ordeal. Between discussing their adventure, talking about certain things he wanted to remain hidden… he was ready to pass out. But there was more to discuss, but this time, it was only between himself and Daniel.
They had picked up on certain key details, finer facts through their story that gives them not only a pause for concern… but, details they couldn't hide any longer… thoughts they needed to expand on.
Their biggest concern mainly was, if their connection is unstable, they needed better rules in place if they were going to continue expanding on their connection. It wasn't just about being open and comfortable about each other…
It's also, about knowing where to draw the line…
Killua took off his shirt, using it to pat down his face, "That was so tiring…" He felt a pair of arms wrap around him, holding his figure close. When they started to explore, to trace old wounds, he sighed in relief.
It was relieving to be able to relax, to accept small comforting actions without being judged. But they had a topic to discuss, not to relax, "We need to talk about some of these things…"
"I know…" Daniel stopped his actions as he sighed into Killua's neck, smiling when he felt his partner shiver in his arms, "But it doesn't change what I'm feeling for you right now…"
"Which is…?" Killua raised an eyebrow in concern.
"Maybe later…" Daniel smirked, "It'll kill the tempo we have going. So, where do you think we should start?"
"I'd say we start with Zaikaria… and work our way out. It seems you figured out something about Zai when I mentioned, she had a fear of the unknown."
His partner gave a nod, "What I thought during that time was: she's scared that my boyfriend will turn around and kill me without hesitation. She was so scared of it, she was willing to wipe my memories of him, to turn him into someone I never met… I think it is a little darker than that. If what you say is true, that she has a fear of the unknown, she may never come to accept our relationship… I'm worried that if something happens to me, she'd never, forgive you… even if it's a mistake on my part. You… you don't need that kind of pressure on your life. I'd never want that…"
Killua hummed at the idea, "It's possible, that she may get a raging killer boner for me… if you come home bloody and crying… But, couldn't she just read your mind and see that's…" The boy sighed, "No, she'd be blinded by rage. She had an opportunity to read my thoughts when I was holding you… she didn't take it. Then, who'd you side with, in regards to this case? What if it was an emotional route… where I left you feeling depressed… Alone?"
Daniel's grip tightened around his partner, "Even if you dumped me and I was crying… I don't think she has a right to judge you, from just that moment. Plus, the combined emotional distress of having been dumped we'll say a few days ago… I don't think I could take any criticism of you within that moment. Not, unless I had months, if not… years to recover."
"What if… she tried to forcibly remove your memories of me and Alluka? While I don't think you'll allow her to do it… but in the case of… say my demise, where you'll be completely broken from…" Killua stopped himself. No, that contradicted what he felt about his situation…
But then again, maybe he should say it and preface the argument by saying it's not something he feels could happen, but it's a valid argument to be made, "I don't feel like this could transpire, given with what I know. But for argument's sake, let's assume it's a possibility. What if I died… leaving you in an emotional state of distress? Would you fight your sister if she tried to remove those memories of me?"
Daniel felt himself pausing from the question. What did Killua mean by I don't feel like this could transpire, given with what I know? They did discuss it prior, during Killua's argument about their connection binding them… even in death.
They'll eventually need to work out a method to stop that from happening… but does his partner believe… that it might not even be a possibility to stop it at this point? Is it cemented in their connection… fated to always transpire, never able to be changed…?
He certainly hopes not. He'll need to press Killua on his ideas, because it's something he'll never want "I don't want that… to be bounded to you, even in death. It's not fair for you…"
Killua crossed his arms, pouting at his partner's words. He forced himself to disconnect from Daniel, staring his boyfriend down, "But it's fair to you… if I die, then you get taken?"
"I…" Daniel bit his lip, "I-"
"No…" he forced a finger out, pointing it at Daniel, "It's not fair for either of us. If we die, no matter if it's you or me, and the other gets taken as well… who'd look after my sister? I care about her too… I'd want you to live if I die, so I could die in peace, knowing that you'll look after her for me. And I'd want to know you'd do the same for me… that you won't regret anything… if you die trying to protect me. I'd call you selfish for a time… miss you even… but at least I'd know that you wouldn't be suffering in death."
Daniel tried to reach out, to touch Killua's hand. But the boy promptly slapped them away, "No! Promise me that if I die… you'll look after Alluka, and if you die, you won't suffer in the afterlife without me… Promise me…"
Daniel grabbed Killua's hands, forcing his partner to look him in the eyes. They stared each other down, neither one willing to back away from the other. The boy spoke with a soft, firm voice… "I can't promise that…"
When Killua tried to pull his hands away, Daniel's grip tightened, "I can't promise I won't suffer, whether it's me that dies or you do… I will in both situations. And I don't want to promise that I won't try to kill the person who took your life from me… and Alluka. I can't… even promise that I'd try to live without you, for Alluka's sake."
The boy sobbed, "But I'll make one promise I plan to keep… if what you fear is true… that we're bounded even in death. That I'll… or we… will try to find a way to extend one's life, just so we can get Alluka to safety. Once she's in the right hands, that she's safe from immediate danger… they will be allowed to pass on and join the other."
Killua's hands shook, tears welling up in his eyes, "THAT'S NOT FAIR… for either of us. For Alluka especially… I want one of us to live on for Alluka's sake. She doesn't deserve to suffer without both of us. And what's stopping Zaikaria from removing her memories of us?"
Daniel shook his head, "Nathaniel will stop her… even if she manages to remove those memories… he'll make sure that she finds a way to bring them back. Alluka deserves to remember us… what we mean to her…"
"And if she can't…"
"Then we'll find a way…" Daniel pressed his forehead against Killua's, "We'll find a way to make sure she never forgets who we are… and what we mean to her. I promise… that we'll find a way…"
"None of this is fair…" Killua turned his head aside, lips twitching, "it's not fair to any of us…"
Daniel shifted his hand, pulling his boyfriend's attention back to himself once more, "It's the least we can do… if this connection is running this way. It's the least we can do…"
Killua hugged his partner, grip tightening as his feelings on the matter progressed. He doesn't want anything bad to happen… but considering who they're up against, it might not be possible for all of them to live "None of this is FAIR…"
Daniel found himself smiling once more, pressing a kiss on his partner's cheek, "We'll find a way to stop this… we have friends, new friends to help guide us. Surely, one of them will know a way to stop this from happening."
Killua felt himself being lifted, "Wh-"
Daniel hushed his partner, bringing the boy to the bed.
"You-"
The boy pressed a finger to his partner's nose, "Hear me out…" He then placed his boyfriend on the bed, throwing the sheets over him before climbing in to join his partner as well, "You need to know this in advanced."
The boy brought his partner's hand lower.
Killua's eyes widened, "You're…"
Daniel pressed a finger to his partner's lips, offering a nod at the awareness of his predicament, "I know. I thought you should know… It's because of my fondness for you… because we were being open with each other, that I felt like this. The further we progress, the more I'll… You know…"
Killua took in his partner's flushed cheeks, the sincere smile… the way his eyes diverted, every time he came close to revealing what was happening to him. It's not that he was shy about it…
It's that given what they'll be talking about… the more they were honest with each other, the more his partner will desire him "This isn't helping…" Killua closed his eyes, relaxing before talking about anything else, other than what was happening with his partner.
He found himself stroking Daniel's cheek, drawing the boy's attention to him, "Alright… we'll deal with that later. Right now, we should talk about the things we need to think about… as well as the topics that needed to be addressed. We'll deal with your sister when the time comes… I don't want anyone to lose their memories about the other… I'd want to remember you…"
Daniel gave a nod, feeling his chest tighten from the comforting words. He loves Killua… now and forever, no matter the hardships they'll have to experience from now on.
"Then… if we're bounded together, no matter if you don't want it, you could end up taking me with you… or I taking you with me. Neither of us wants that, but the fear of losing each other may make that possibility come true… we do need to find a way around this glaring issue, even if it means one of us will need to gain some form of immortality, to this condition…"
"How do we bypass it?"
"I say we ask Nathaniel for assistance on the matter. Maybe something in Vastorie's journals can help us. We can also ask Bisky, she may have learned a thing or two about the lover's suicide pact Nen condition."
Daniel gave a nod, "I'll hit my father's journals then… the information we have now. Maybe I can find something alluding to our condition."
Killua shifted, pulling his partner closer, so the boy's head laid on his chest. Daniel in response brought an arm around his partner's chest, hugging the boy tightly, "That's not the only thing… Like I said earlier with Clarisa and Madelyn, this isn't something we wanted in the beginning, it's just a possibility that may transpire… or it's already in the works. Either way, we now must find a way to overcome it, while building on our connection."
Killua brought his free hand to his chin, stroking it while deep in thought, "I don't know how we managed to achieve this state… but the state of your Zetsu has got me thinking. This fear of loss… the fact that in two weeks, there's a possibility of Victor attacking this school… I say we lay low. Let Eifion deal with the attacker if he comes. He still won't be able to use Nen from the sounds of things… but that doesn't mean Eifion will be strong enough to overcome Victor if he attacks the school… but given your father will also be in the area, I'd say we'll be mostly safe."
"I think we should stick close to Eifion, not close enough to him to be seen… but at least close enough to be able to warn him. If Victor wins by chance against my father and Eifion, we need to be ready to run… to run and drag the man away so none of the other students is in danger."
Killua hummed at the idea… "Close enough to not ping the man's radar… but at least close enough to draw Victor's attention if need be… it wouldn't be the safest route for us, but at least it'll be the right way to overcome the situation. I say we approach Luca. The man might know about what's going on, and if he knows our plan, at least he could help pull Eifion away from danger."
Daniel's grip tightened, "I'm scared… that he could still sense me."
"While on the school grounds, his senses should be dulled. Not as dull as when you realised you were covered in blue blood… but in terms of not being able to properly detect others with En. Speaking of which… what was that about? The being covered with blue blood… scared for your life?"
Daniel felt his lips wavered. If he was being honest, he wasn't aware of his mistakes, but he was still able to piece some of those memories of the time "As you know… I went into a blind rage… I was shot at least two times… but it felt like more. Is that why you believe we're bounded in death?"
"Not exactly… I find the situation curious. You felt you were shot three times. One of those times was in the side of the head… the back… and most likely the leg, correct?"
"Yeah…"
Killua gave a nod, "While in a state of panic, you can feel my emotions… my pain. It further proves my point, that we could be bounded in death. Did you feel any pain where you felt like you were being shot? Like… I mean it felt like you were really, being shot at there?"
Daniel shook his head, "I didn't feel pain per se… it felt more like a phantom presence. The impact, but not so much the constant pain that comes with you know… being shot."
Killua hummed, it might not be that they're linked in death… they could feel the other draw their last breath, but it doesn't mean they too, would draw their last breath, "We might be safe for the moment then… if you can feel the action of being stabbed as a phantom presence, but not the lingering wound, the bleeding and so forth, then we might be okay…"
"I guess that's good… a little relieving, to be honest."
"We still have to be careful though. What if our connection allows for that circumstance…? If one gets stabbed, the other does too… we need to set proper limitations. Failure to do so may result in binding our bodies together…"
He knew that option sounded bad, but to be honest… being connected to Killua, bounded to him… it made him feel happy on the inside, relieved. It could mean if one of them was strong, the other would be just as strong. They could grow at twice the pace…
Together…
As one…
Killua sensed the hesitation from his partner, the quietness that followed his argument, "You know we can't allow that to happen…"
"I know… but being bounded as one… It's… relieving, knowing that it's you."
"I know…" Killua stroked his partner's cheek absentmindedly, smiling softly, "I know that sounds romantic to you… it makes me happy that your able to see the Pros, but there's also Cons with this. We need to outweigh the two of them… not just focus on the benefits."
Daniel pushed his partner's hand, moving it so his boyfriend instead stokes his hair.
Killua chuckled before complying, savouring how his partner sighed in relief from the action. Sometimes, his partner could be adorably cute, dorky, but cute nonetheless "Let's hear your Pros…"
"We're bonded together right… so if it causes our strengths and weakness to equalise, there are areas I suffer in, that I could automatically get a boost in, just by you being better at it than me… Like Zetsu, for example. It would also follow, that we could, in theory, grow stronger together…"
"Ahh… I see what you mean. But if we get a clean slate, then we can't find balance within one another. For example, if we're great at the same thing, it gives us no reason to explore… to find something within that same field we can be better at. You're great at weapon combat, whereas I'm better at hand-to-hand combat. If we both suddenly become good at those things, you'll no longer be great at what you do… we couldn't force someone's back against the wall by some well-placed teamwork."
Killua closed his eyes, thinking more on the situation "We'd have no reason to find something that sets us apart from the other."
"I…" Daniel pouted, "I see what you mean. We'd be the same person dating each other… similar likes, skills, tastes… nothing to set us apart, nothing new to discover about ourselves…"
Killua gave a nod, "Exactly… but that doesn't mean I'm also opposed to the idea completely. It'll be good if we can have a power boost in our weakness, like a base level to improve from. Your Zetsu may be considered shit when compared to mine… but that doesn't mean you'll always be crap at it. Saying that… this got me thinking… what if you do have a better base level, it's just I can't tell you're improving… because our connection allows me to bypass yours. It's possible, given that Meleoron didn't pick up on your presence… but I did."
"You think it's possible, that I'm improving… even if it's only a little?"
"It's possible… it's also possible, that our connection does want you, specifically, to be found by me… just like I felt you cry out for help. It's a condition you unconsciously set on yourself, via the connection. If that's the case, it means not everything is set in stone… and we can make changes as we go along."
"That makes me a little relieved to hear."
"I can agree… But this now makes me slightly worried."
"How so…?"
"I don't think I'd ever want you to learn to take a life."
Daniel adjusts his position, sitting upright as he looked into his partner's eyes, "Why…?"
"It doesn't…" Killua flicked his wrist, trying to think of a better way to say it. But the more he tried to find a way, the less he felt Daniel fit that mould, "It doesn't feel like you. Those moments you have killed… the way you describe it, feels eerily similar to how Assassin Mode works. You may be tapping into our connection, utilising one of my abilities, to circumvent your fear of taking a life…"
"So, if our bond grows stronger…"
"It could mean we could use other abilities… ones that would cause more harm to ourselves, than benefits."
"So… I need to be careful then?"
"Yes… if you somehow can use Godspeed… I dread to think of the irreparable damage it'll cause you."
"I'll try to be careful then about my desires…" The boy laid back down, resting his head against his partner's chest, "this makes me worried about looking forward."
"You should be less worried, and more interrogative about the limitations you want to set."
"Another thing…" Killua brought his hand back to his partner's hair, stroking it once more, "Remember how I mentioned I became a dartboard, and you said you lost your connection to me?" Daniel made a noise, letting him know he was listening, "The moment the ability ended… and I could sense you coming towards me… I even warned Ikalgo about the possibility of you attacking him. But in that stressed moment… I also could feel your presence. It worries me… that our connection is limited to stress. What if we're in a situation, where we're both stressed. Would our pain and anguish be amplified…?"
"It's possible… I'm not sure how I'd react if I could feel every time you're being hit, and in response, to you feeling me being struck. This is a complicated issue… I understand that. But with the information we now have, I'm not sure what is the right thing to do."
"I believe we should still discuss everything, at least so we can look forward towards a goal that we'd gain benefits from the outcome we've taken."
"Alright… is there anything else you feel like we should talk about?"
"Yes… I think we should talk to Eifion, get his opinion on your Zetsu. But… I think we should also relay our concerns about our connection, to him. As a fellow Nen user, who has trained under your father… he might know something. That's not all…" Killua stopped his actions, "as I said about the way your Zetsu works, there's also the possibility of you wanting to be found by me. You want that… connection, for lack of a better word. You want me to know you're always there, whether it's in-person… or for my assistance. I wanna know why, if this is the case… you'd want that? I asking this… because I'm the closest person to you, I'd want to know why you'd make it harder for the person you trust the most… to tell you, what your weakest at?"
"I don't know… if I'm being honest. But that moment you looked at me, I could tell you're worried about me. I should've gone to you… not after Palm. Not just because you got hurt by her… it's because I trust your opinion. I trust your criticism… I should've gone to you."
Killua held his partner, "I should've made it easier for you to approach me… if I'm being honest. Sure, I was upset at the time with you… but I was also worried. I should've voiced my concerns more often. I mean… for the longest time, admitting you were more than a friend was the hardest thing to do. It's the act of admitting my feelings is difficult… you know…"
The boy paused; Killua then realised who was talking to "Actually… you wouldn't know. You're as bad as Gon…"
Daniel chuckled from how quickly Killua came to realise, he wouldn't know how difficult it was for him to admit his feelings. But that was him currently, he wasn't always like this… coming to realise he had feelings for Killua, that was the difficult part. But for his partner… it was expressing those feelings… that's what he found difficult, "It wasn't always like this… I struggled to admit my feelings at the start. I was afraid you wouldn't like me…"
"And here we are…" The boy in question smirked, cradling Daniel in his arms, "cuddling… Expressing our concerns and feelings on matters, that could affect our future." The boy fell quiet from his words, taking in the moment before once more taking the reins, "But, the outcome would've changed if I stated I wanted you at my side… not to run away… or I was angry at you for hiding something, way~ out of your control."
"Just like you couldn't control your urges around DILF Gon?"
"For the last time…" Killua's cheeks heated up from the accusation, "I didn't want to get fucked, or fuck Gon. He was technically twice my age."
"In body… not mind." The boy pointed out, "It was a Nen ability, not a fast-aging situation. He had, as you put it: a hot body, nice chiselled face… I wouldn't be surprised if he had abs for days…"
"He did…"
"So, you did check him out."
Killua wanted to strangle his partner right now, "It's hard to not look when he's ripped… wearing bootie shorts and a crop top. His clothes didn't grow with him."
"Bootie shorts…? Oh shit, does that mean you could see…"
"No, I'm not gonna talk about how big Gon's dick is going to be in the future. His partners can deal with that, not us…" As Daniel was about to open his mouth, the boy once more shut down his partner, "I didn't purposely check out his dick."
Daniel chuckled, "I wasn't going to ask for comparison. I have a legitimate question…" Killua's face brightened, "Be honest Killua… during that moment… when you saved Gon's life… when you saw his arm get taken off… did you wish for a split second, you were faster than Pitou… or that you could go back and make sure you'd never made a mistake?"
"Yeah…" The boy raised an eyebrow, "Everyone thinks what could I have done differently? Even you felt like you could've done something different with me. But there's a reason the past is the past. We learn from those mistakes, and now knowing they happened, we should learn how to improve…"
Killua's expression softened, "I feel like you asked the wrong question. You're hiding the one you really, wanted to be answered… what I can be better at?"
Daniel closed his eyes, "You're right… what can I be better at? I feel like I should say everything, given how many mistakes I made."
Killua chuckled, "All the things I want you to improve the most at, at things that I'd feel are useless."
"Which are…?"
Killua pointed towards his pants.
"Oh…" Daniel smirked, "So you're saying I'm a shitty lover."
Killua burst into laughter, "Nah…" he then flashed his partner a similar gesture, "Mediocre at best."
"You wound me…" Daniel feinted anguish. The two found themselves chuckling at the dumb argument.
Shifting the mood, Killua spoke more comfortably, "If there are places, I want you to improve on, it's your self-degradation. You're being too harsh on yourself… I felt the same in the past when I made huge mistakes. But you give off this… perfectionist vibe. You feel like everyone is better than you. While that's true in some cases, it's not as cut and dry as you think… Vastorie may be good at controlling a battlefield, able to lure people in traps of his own, creation… but he's been a shitty father… a shitty husband. Don't try to be better at everything, expand on what you're good at…"
Daniel shifted from his position, climbing up to sit on his partner's lap. Holding his partner, the two cuddled, Killua placing a kiss on the side of his temple. The two held this position, neither one ready to move just yet.
The boy still had one more question, but he didn't want to sour the mood, "I have one more question… but I feel like it'll make you upset."
Brushing his partner's stray hairs away from his face, the boy simply smiled, "I won't get upset… I promise."
Letting out a sigh, Daniel spoke his biggest concern, "Why did you lie about Alluka's ability?"
Killua found himself pouting, not at the question. Daniel actively helped him lie to the girl's faces, including Eifion's. He did it because it's information he couldn't trust everyone with, "It's because I don't trust everyone with that information. I don't want her powers to be abused. If she decides to tell someone about her ability, and they try to use the friend card on her… I'm gonna get upset at them. But… if they turn around and accept her for who she is… of course I'm going to love them for it… I know trusting someone requires, well… trust, but Alluka is innocent in this matter. She deserves to be respected for who she is… not what she could do for them. I don't want anyone's thoughts of who she is as a person, corrupted by the thoughts of what they could be wishing for. I trust you and Gon… Sakura may also know, but you two… you're the only ones I really, trust with this information."
Daniel gave a nod, "I understand… Trust is earned, not given… plus, Alluka means the world to you. Them, finding out… probing you for more information… it'll only make you more upset. Because you trusted them… and they broke your trust. I'll be careful about it… I won't force you to be open about this matter."
Killua cupped Daniel's face "Good… it means a lot to me."
Daniel leaned forward, pulling the two of them into a kiss. When the boy's hands reached under his partner's shirt, his face blushing from what he was about to admit, he spoke confidently on the matter, "Your confidence has made the issue harder to ignore. How about I improve on my mediocre skills…"
Killua chuckled, "I thought you'd try to ignore it the whole time."
Daniel smiled, leaning in once more, "I trust you… and I want every moment to count. Especially, when I want him so badly…" When the two sealed their kiss, they melted into each other's arms.
The night may be long…
But their adventure together… will be even longer.
No sexy fun times next week. I'll be focusing on how I want to direct what happens next. I know the idea of what happens in between… but it's combining those ideas and making them flow… is what's gonna be difficult.
There may be a delay with the next chapter in that case.