Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Original A/N: Thanks to MaeSilverpaws1, who is beta-ing this story.

Chapter One Hundred Forty-Eight

Decision

While Susan and Harry were in the library working on going over the most recent charm's spell, Susan whispered to Harry "You don't seem to study much."

Once Harry and Ron had recovered from their hangovers the previous Saturday, Hannah and Neville joined them on their way to dinner. Hannah went on about girls that she thought would be good for Harry, while Ron sniggered and Harry turned red. Harry then explained to her that he didn't really want help, which seemed to annoy Hannah and had Neville glaring at him for bringing up this whole mess. That all seemed to change the next morning and Harry was pretty sure that Hannah had heard about his talk with Susan the other day. That information seemed to have gotten out, well not really but all his friends seemed to know and enjoyed teasing him about it, which Harry, good naturedly, took in strides.

Harry smiled and shrugged, "I think I know this spell pretty well," he lied. Classwork just didn't seem to be very worthwhile to him in the light of what was going to happen. Really, what was the point in trying hard in his studies when he only had a limit of time left? Of course he was still going to try, but he wasn't going to spend the many hours studying like his fellow fifth years were.

"Okay, then you can help me," Susan said.

"Er … okay," Harry said, hoping that he did know the spell well enough, he didn't want to stop her from learning. She got up and he raised his eyebrow at her, "where are you going?"

"We can't practice here, now can we?"

"Er … I guess not," Harry answered and then followed her as they left the library and walked into an empty classroom. Harry couldn't help but feel rather nervous, not sure what was going to happen while they were alone.

"Well?" Susan asked and looked at him pointedly. "The spell?"

"Er …" Harry said not sure what she wanted and then remembered why she brought him here. "Right, you have to concentrate first," he started nervously, but luckily enough he fell back on how he taught in the DA meetings and was able the help her. He definitely wasn't as good in Charms as he was in Defense, but he thought he did a good job on this.

"Thanks Harry, that helped a lot," Susan said.

"No problem," Harry said.

"You'd make a really good professor," Susan noted.

"You think," Harry said, thinking about how much he actually enjoyed teaching. Then he thought it didn't matter if he liked teaching or not, he was never going to be a professor. He wouldn't live that long.

"I'm sorry," Susan said, and he looked at her seeing that she was frowning at him.

"It's okay," he smiled at her weakly, trying to hide his feelings, even from himself. "Er … I just never thought of that before."

Susan frown morphed, she was still frowning but she no longer looked sympathetic. She looked away from him and then started talking, "I haven't put much thought into what I want to do either. Don't you think it's annoying that they want us to already have a career decided now, as if we should already know what we want to do with the rest of our lives at fifteen?"

"Yeah, it's annoying," Harry said gloomily, this wasn't the subject matter that he wanted to talk about. In fact, this was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

"You don't really like to talk much, do you?" Susan observed.

Harry eyebrows furrowed. "I talk."

Susan's lips thinned but Harry thought that she was trying not to smile, which was odd, since he hadn't said anything funny. "You're very mysterious, Harry," she said, and then added quickly as he grimaced, "not that I don't understand why, it's just hard to get to know you when you don't talk about yourself very often."

Harry sighed, she did have a point; he wasn't good about talking about himself, not about the things he had gone through or the things that pressed on him about his future. He didn't really think that was going to change. "It's not easy for me to open up," he said, which wasn't easy for him to admit.

"I can tell," Susan smiled sadly and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. She was blushing slightly when she pulled away and Harry felt frozen to the spot, his cheeks now feeling warm. "I better go, it's almost curfew."

"Er …" Harry said; her words were hard to understand but he did realize that she seemed to be going.

She was nearly to the door when she turned around and said, "You'll help me study tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, definitely," Harry agreed with a smile as she left. He wasn't sure why she felt she had to leave so quickly but he was glad that she wanted to see him again. He got up and gathered his bag, thinking about what she said about him not opening up. He had a feeling this wasn't the last time he'd hear about this issue but he was glad she hadn't tried to force him to talk right now.

When he got into the common room Harry spotted Ron and Hermione and headed for them, but stopped when he heard what they were talking about.

O

"Ron? What's the matter?" Hermione asked softly, they were sitting in the common room having just finished their potions essay.

"Er … nothing?" Ron said hesitantly, not sure where she was coming from with this question.

"I know that something is bothering you, it has been for quite some time," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Hm," Ron hummed not wanting to talk about this.

"I know you don't have to tell me everything," Hermione went on and added quickly, "and I'm okay with you not telling me everything."

"Are you?" Ron looked at her with an amused expression; thinking of his girlfriend's craving to know everything.

Hermione rolled her eyes at his expression. "Yes."

"So why are you asking and then telling me that something is wrong?" Ron questioned.

"I'm worried about you," Hermione said resting her head on his shoulder so she wouldn't have to look in his eyes. "I know you're going through something … something really bad, and I don't know how to help you."

Ron grimaced, as he had no intention what so ever to say a thing about what was bothering him, he still hated that it made her worried. "You're doing plenty to help me."

"Hm," Hermione sighed. They stayed quiet for a few moments and Ron thought that she had given the subject up when she said, "This has something to do with Harry doesn't it. That's why you're not telling. He said something to you after he …"

"Hermione don't," Ron said through gritted teeth.

Hermione bit her lip to keep herself from saying more, though she knew she was right judging by Ron's reaction. She looked at him to see how angry he was that she was pushing him, having known it would have been better not to say anything. It just was killing her knowing that Harry was going through something and that he had turned to Ron and that had greatly affected Ron as a result.

"Sorry," she said and Ron looked away from her.

"It's all right," he mumbled.

"You don't want to tell me," Hermione stated and Ron groaned. "It's not that you can't … you don't want to tell me."

"I thought you were going to drop this," Ron complained.

"Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong," Ron said. "Well, expect I really can't tell you." Hermione didn't say anything and Ron grew more and more uncomfortable about that. "I'm worried you're going to hate me for not telling you."

"Don't Ron," Hermione said leaning back on his chest, his words were teasing her curiosity, seeming to beg her to try and get him to tell her what he knows. But she couldn't do that to him, he would be the one that ended up hating her in the end.

"Hermione, I wan …" Ron started but he stopped quickly. "Harry! Hey what are you doing there?"

"Er … I'm just coming back from the library." Harry answered.

"Really? Were you studying on your own, or was someone else there," Ron said, raising an eyebrow and smiling at him, though the smile was a little force as he didn't feel much like smiling. Still, teasing his best friend was something he could enjoy a little even now.

"That's none of your business," Harry said turning slightly red.

"He was definitely not studying alone," Hermione said.

"Well obviously," Ron agreed.

"Whatever," Harry grumbled, and then he started walking towards the stairs, "I suppose you two want to be left alone."

"Yep, that would be nice," Ron smirked at him, though he ready didn't want to go back to the conversation that Harry had just interrupted.

Harry did leave them alone and walked up the stairs to his room, thinking about what he had just over heard. He had just heard the tail end of Ron and Hermione's conversation and he couldn't help but wonder if they were talking about him. Again he wondered how hard the burden of his secret was playing on Ron. He felt better after talking with Ron, having his best friend know the truth had given him someone to talk to as well as a way to get his mind off what must eventually happen. Harry wasn't sure what it had done to Ron though, as Ron always seemed cheerful. He knew that most of the time his friend was forcing said cheerfulness, though luckily there were other times that Ron was genuinely happy.

He knew what he needed to do now, but actually doing it would be difficult. He couldn't help but think of Ron's face when he had told him that he was a Horcrux, and how hard it had been to actually say the words out loud. He wasn't sure if he would be able to do that again, as Susan had pointed out he had trouble talking about himself, and this issue was the hardest thing he had to talk about. Still, it was Hermione, and he had never kept anything from her, at least nothing like this.

O

Harry felt apprehensive all day, trying to find time to say what he wanted to say, but always rationalizing that it wasn't the right time. He tried saying something that morning before breakfast, but he reasoned that saying something before their lessons wasn't a good move. Then he thought maybe after lunch would be a good time, since it was actually one of the days that they didn't have a lesson after the meal, but easily gave that idea up when Hermione suggest that they do their essay. Ron had given Harry an odd look at his eagerness to agree to do an essay, which he ignored the best he could.

After dinner though, Harry knew he couldn't put the conversation off any longer. He didn't want to go through another day thinking about this, as it really was making him more and more anxious and he was spending too much time thinking about the limited amount of time he had left. He also realized as much as he didn't want to talk about this, he did want Hermione to know. He knew this because as much as he didn't think there was a good time to talk, he never faltered in his decision to tell her.

"Hey, can I talk to you guys," Harry said as they walked back to their common room.

"Yeah, go ahead," Hermione answered easily and then noticed his look. "You mean in private."

Harry nodded his head, as they entered the common room and then head to the boy's dormitory.

"Did something new happen?" Ron asked looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"No, not really," Harry looked at him pointedly and Ron's eyes widened. They reached the door then and Harry opened it, allowing his friends to walk inside. Hermione went in immediately but Ron waited at the door.

"I don't think this is a good idea," he said.

Hermione looked between them, seeming to put together the subject matter they were talking about, though of course she had no idea what the actual subject was.

"Look, she deserves to know … I should have told her sooner … I should have told you together," Harry said. "Now get in here."

Ron glared at Harry having half a mind of turning and walking away, but he couldn't. If Harry was serious he couldn't just leave, Hermione was going to need him afterwards. Ron walked into the room and Harry closed the door and put several charms on it to make sure that no one could get in or overhear them.

"Hermione," Ron said in a tense voice, turning to her in a panic and trying to stop this conversation before it could start. "Trust me; you don't want to know what he has to say."

Hermione looked terrified at his reaction, the pleading in his voice. She wanted to know what was going on with Harry, but the fact that Ron was reacting this fiercely made her scared. She believed him when he told her that she didn't want to know, but that didn't stop her from wanting to hear the truth.

Ron turned back to Harry and spat, "why are you doing this?! Things have been better lately … you don't need her to know … not like when you told me …"

"You do," Harry responded.

Ron just stared at him for a few seconds and then shook his head.

"I thought I was being selfish when I told you," Harry said softly, "and I was, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize that I was being worse than just selfish. I was able to get everything off my chest, talk about my fears and worries and everything else, and I knew that was a horrible thing to do. I didn't think that you'd need someone to talk to, and that I couldn't possibly be that person. Not really."

"Look I'm fine," Ron said. "I don't need to talk about it."

"Do you really believe that?" Harry asked him and then looked at Hermione, who was leaning against Ron's bed, watching the two boys' talk, her eyes mostly on Ron as he tried to talk Harry out of telling her something.

Ron looked at Hermione too; he could see the longing to know the truth, mixed with her longing to help him. It was only the night before that she had told him that she knew how troubled he was, how much she wanted to help him. "You heard us talking yesterday, didn't you?"

"A bit," Harry admitted. "It helped me see how hard it's been on you …"

"So your solution to putting me through crap is to make Hermione go through the same shite?" Ron hissed.

"It's not the same," Harry said, though the doubts he hadn't felt all day started to come with those words.

"I'll be fine, I don't need to talk … you know me, I'm not much of a talker anyways," Ron said, noticing Harry faltering.

"But you're not doing fine," Hermione said softly, inserting herself in the conversation for the first time. "If I can help you … I should know whatever it is you're talking about. I probably know more than you want me too, there's only so many things that Harry could have learn that would make you react this way and none of them are good."

"Hearing and thinking are two different things," Ron said grimly, but he knew he was defeated. Last night he had an excuse for not telling her and now here that excuse was standing wanting to open up. The bloody wanker. "Just say it already," he growled at Harry as he walked to his bed sitting down next to where Hermione was standing. She sat down next to him, looking at him for a moment. He was looking back at her, his expression changing, the fight fleeing him and he now was concerned. He nodded his head towards Harry and she turned, slowly. Thinking and hearing were two different things, he had just said. She has been thinking about what was wrong with Harry, and that was bad, actually hearing was sure to be worse.

"I'm sorry," Harry said to both his friends, and then started explaining what had happened. The story came out as if he had been thinking about saying this for a while now, and maybe he had. He told her about the vision and his talk with Dumbledore. "… and now I know I'm a Horcrux," he finished his story; he was looking at her eyes when he said this, and watched the flurry of emotions that crossed her face as she gaped at him.

"How … what … does that mean …?" she splattered, but she knew what he meant. He was one of the pieces of Voldemort's soul that was keeping that monster alive.

"I can't survive if Voldemort is to die," Harry said simply, it was easier to say it this way.

"There must be a way …" Hermione started to say, her cheeks wet with tears and she felt Ron squeeze her hand, which only then did she realize he was holding. She looked at her boyfriend and he shook his head. Hermione turned back to Harry, getting off of the bed and walked over to Harry, embracing him in a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her too as she cried on his shoulder for several moments.

Harry felt tears brim in his own eyes. He thought he had gotten past crying over his fate, but seeing the pain she was in over this brought all his own feeling to the forefront.

"It's not fair," she whispered.

"It's not fair," Harry agreed, holding her tighter to him. He wasn't expecting it, as more tears leaked down his face he felt better. He had been afraid for so long that this was exactly how Hermione was going to react to the news … he hadn't realized he actually needed this. Having Ron know had helped him so much, but it wasn't like he could cry on his best mate's shoulder or even get a comforting hug.

Harry broke the hug after several minutes, stepping away from the still very tearful Hermione. Ron immediately got up to take his place, wrapping Hermione in a tight embrace that she returned.

"Er …" Harry said after he stood their awkwardly for a few seconds, "I think I should go … I'll let you two talk …"

"No, Harry you don't have to," Hermione started to say.

"Yeah, there's something I still need to get off my chest," Ron said, letting Hermione go and glaring at Harry again.

Harry gulped and then asked, "And what's that?"

Ron took a step closer to him and he wanted to back up but he kept standing where he was. He didn't even have time to raise his arms as Ron took a swing at him, hitting him in the jaw and knocking him to the ground.

"RON!" Hermione gasped and rushed over to where Harry was, "are you oaky," she asked him and then turned to Ron and demanded, "what are you doing?!"

The two boys ignored her again as they looked at each other.

"Are we good?" Harry asked rubbing his jaw.

"Yeah, we're good," Ron said reaching out a hand which Harry took.

"Ronald, what did you do that for?!" Hermione demanded again.

"Just getting rid of some of my pent up anger," Ron shrugged.

"I wish you could have done that a different way," Harry grumbled, "that bloody hurt."

"Well maybe if you didn't set things up like you have, I would have," Ron complained.

"Fair enough," Harry said. "I still think this was the right move."

"Fair enough," Ron echoed dryly.