Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

149. Cold and Always Yearning

The mail came to the Lexcorp headquarters in bulk, as per usual. Most of it was bills and other finance-related papers.

There was also, however, a playing card. With no address on it.

It was understood to be delivered to the CEO himself. Everyone on staff was aware of this. The card was placed upon Lex Luthor's desk, with no pomp or circumstance.

(Ever since the Joker had disappeared into that device, he'd been inspired.)

He lifted the card up. Flicked it between two fingers. A seven of hearts. Another flick, and like a hologram, it changed beneath the light, its hearts replaced by very tiny text.

Luthor pulled at the edges, and the card magically grew larger. He kept at it until he could read all of the text clearly.

"The littlest showgirl has lost her Drowsy flair! But there's a whole bunch of new players at the table. They're playing opposite side. Bad at the game, but strength in numbers!"

Below that, a list of names:

· Harley Quinn

· Yang Xiao Long

· Giovanni Potage

· Velvet Crowe…

And so on, until every Heathen was listed.

The card was signed the way the missives usually were: "The house always wins!" And a drawing of two squares with dots in their centers. Snake eyes.

Luthor smiled. Then plucked a similar card from a desk drawer with no handle, one only he knew about. He set pen to paper and composed a reply.

...

Hämsterviel had been minding his own business, taking a walk down the hall, when suddenly a hoverbot passed over him, nearly clipping his ears.

"WHOOOOA!" He stumbled, startled. Then began to hop up and down, shaking a fist in rage; "WILL YOU WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING, YOU BUNGLING BLUNDERER?"

Out of habit, Morvok halted the bot, then made an about-face. "I, uh, I didn't see you there," he said sheepishly.

"I demand an apology AT ONCE!" Hämsterviel raged.

Morvok opened his mouth to do so – and then realized that this wasn't a Galra general. This wasn't even a WHAM ARMY founder! He didn't have to kiss the feet of this one in order to avoid getting saddled with suicide missions!

"No," He said smugly. "You're not getting one."

"WHY YOU ARROGANT – " Hämsterviel sputtered. "DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM, YOU SHINY-EYED SHENANIGAN IN SEMI-FELINE FORM? I AM JACQUES! VON! HAMSTERVIEL!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Morvok mocked, "am I supposed to know that name?"

"I am a feared galactic conqueror!" Hämsterviel raged.

"Is that so?" Morvok taunted. "Well, I'm a Galra general with quite a high body count! I'm sure I've caused far more damage and tragedy than you have."

"I have conquered planets by the dozen!" Hämsterviel yelled.

"Well, I've conquered planets by hundreds!" Morvok retorted. "In the name of the Galra, of course, but the work was all mine."

"I am not a miniature potato to be so easily dismissed!" Hämsterviel said. "I will warn you that I have developed over six hundred and twenty-six evil experiments that I have created from the scratching! Each and every one horribly deadly! And I can and will push that number into the seven hundreds!"

Well, it was only a half-truth. Jumba Jookiba had made the vast majority of innovations to that experiment line, and most of them were doing community service now. Hämsterviel couldn't design a new one from scratch without heavy input from a fellow biologist. But he'd definitely had a hand in the experiments' creation, so a little white lie to strike fear into Morvok's heart didn't hurt anything.

Morvok, however, did in fact have fear in his heart now. So he decided to tell a white lie of his own: "Well, I sent the entire population of planet Taujeer plunging into a deadly maelstrom of magma! Beat THAT!"

And really, he would have done so if Voltron hadn't shown up. So it wasn't that far off from the truth.

"Oh, reeeaaaaally?" Hämsterviel countered. (Oh, that sounded bad. He had to think fast to outdo that one.) "Well, I singlehandedly deforested the entire Greema Jungle, and then moved on to the rest of the planet! Now there is nothing but desolate wasteland!"

That one had no truth to it whatsoever. The last time he'd gone to Greema, he'd gotten on the bad side of several killer wasps.

Morvok gasped – then realized he couldn't show fear now. "Well, I blew up Kraydah's entire moon, so there!" Another very blatant lie.

"Well, I sapped the entire power source of Pizton to power my own fleet!" Hämsterviel said. "The planet was left without so much as a single lantern to light its darkest night! The blackout persisted for a fortnight!"

"I downed an entire enemy fleet within the atmosphere of Thayserix," Morvok retorted, "and I watched their ships sizzle and melt!"

"I once held the entire Galactic Federation hostage with an immense network of well-placed lasers, and refused to release them until my demands for exorbitant sums were met!"

"I colonized Reiphod with my own troops!"

"I have yet to return an entire set of encyclopedias to the Intergalactic Library, and I checked them out years ago!"

"I've shoplifted from Vrepit Sal's!"

"I SINGLEHANDEDLY DESTROYED PLANET TURO!" Hämsterviel screamed.

"I INVADED ORIANDE, LEGENDARY MAGICAL REFUGE OF ALTEANS!" Morvok yelled back.

"It seems we are at an impasse," Hämsterviel said, having run out of lies. "I shall let you go with your life, for now, as I am in no mood to commit an impromptu execution. But let this be your last warning!"

"I think I do what I want," Morvok sniffed. "You so much as lay a finger on me and I'll make sure you regret it!"

And then they went their separate ways.

"He is a malfeasant maniac!" Hämsterviel muttered to himself, wide-eyed, once out of earshot. "Gunning down entire fleets? Colonizing magical refuges? Hopefully he does not think to call my bluff! I had best let him continue his asinine antics without further complaining!"

Morvok, on the other hand, was muttering, "Laser cages? Blackouts? Blowing up entire planets? I'd better steer clear of that guy! Who KNOWS what he could do if I really make him mad?"

...

Blake Belladonna, as usual, had found solace in the library. The Radiant Garden shelves were stocked with all sorts of strange titles, fiction and nonfiction, and somehow, all in a language she could read – though she had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't actually the language she'd grown up writing.

It was like picking from a ripe apple orchard. Every time she took out a spine with an interesting name – and there were many – the summary promised adventures within. From Mava's theorems on magic and how it differed from physical energy to Theon's collection of fables, Blake couldn't help herself, collecting a very large stack.

She was so engrossed in the quest for reading material that she didn't even notice when she was about to collide with another, shorter person. And so she did, the impact knocking all her books to the floor.

"Sorry, sorry!" She knelt to begin scooping them up. "I didn't mean to do that. I didn't see you!"

"It's okay!" Moana replied with a smile. "I take it you found some good reading material."

"It never seems to run out," Blake said. "I could spend a year reading everything in this library that looks interesting."

Moana crouched to help place some of the books back in Blake's arms. "I take it you're not picky, then."

"I never have been," Blake admitted. "Books have always been one of the greatest escapes I've had, no matter what. Even the bad ones give me something to think about at my own pace. What about you?"

"Where I come from, things aren't written down this much," Moana explained. "We tell stories out loud, and everyone gets to know the stories of our world. Everything has a story if you look for it. I've always loved listening to stories, from when I was a child and they told me about the Heart of Te Fiti." The last book was placed, and Moana stood up, putting her hands on her hips cockily. "And what happened when everybody thought the curse in that story was only made-up, but I believed in it? Only that I saved everyone."

Blake stood, brushing back her long, dark hair behind an ear. "That's amazing. So far, books – the fiction kind - have only been escapes. Never anything that…helped."

"They will one day," Moana said. "I know it."

Blake smiled. Then shifted her books to the crook of one elbow, precariously leaning, to extend her right hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"And you!" Moana shook her hand. "I am Moana of Motonui. What's your name?"

"Blake Belladonna," Blake replied. Then, without thinking, "Of Menagerie."

"That's your home?"

"The island where my family lives, yeah," Blake affirmed.

"I'm also from an island!" Moana said with a bright smile.

"I didn't exactly stay there, though," Blake admitted. "I got wrapped up in all kinds of things – politics about my people – and then ended up going halfway around the world to try and get better at fighting for them."

"The line where the sky met the sea," Moana said softly. "It called you."

Blake flinched. How many times had she thought those exact words while looking off the coast? "How did you know that?"

"It's always called me," Moana said. "For a long time, I wasn't even allowed away from my village until it became clear that I had to go in order to save it. Then I had a long journey of my own." She beamed at Blake. "Did you end up helping your village?"

"Yeah," Blake said, really taking stock of all she'd done for the first time. "It was rough at first. And I made a lot of the wrong choices. But now I finally got us somewhere. We were able to fight for our freedom – against the people who were using our cause for the wrong purposes."

"That's amazing!" Moana's eyes sparkled.

"What about you?" Blake asked.

"I returned an ancient goddess' heart to her so she could restore our waters," Moana said. "I was sorta chosen by the ocean. The ocean is a friend of mine, actually. But it wasn't easy. I spent a long time denying who I was and what I wanted, and being too afraid of what my father would think to actually do what I knew was right."

"I…" Blake shifted. "I held back because I was afraid of what someone would think, too. But it wasn't anyone I should ever have listened to in the first place. I'm kinda jealous you had the whole ocean to guide you."

"Well, other than that, I had one friend who I had to say goodbye to at the end," Moana said. "And also a chicken. But you came here with friends of your own, right? More than I had. Not that I'm saying Maui and the ocean weren't enough, but…I saw you come in earlier with those other girls. Ruby and the one in white and the one made of metal. I could see how comfortable you felt around each other. They must've been with you the whole way."

Blake's face fell. "Not the whole way. I pushed them away when I shouldn't have. And…there's someone else who should be here, too, and I don't know how I'm ever going to make it up to her, what I did. But…now that you say it, I've never really been alone. Even when I tried to be. I ran away from every friend I ever had so I could protect them from…my own curse, and one ended up just following me back home. It's kind of a miracle that Ruby, Weiss, and Penny forgave me."

"I think that's a good miracle," Moana told her. "Don't take it for granted!"

Blake was now smiling again. "I was going to find someplace to read these…or a reasonable amount of them, anyway. Did you…wanna come along and hang out? You could bring books of your own, or we don't have to read if that's too boring."

"No, it's not too boring." Moana turned to look at the shelf beside her. "I love stories, remember? And I think…THIS title looks interesting." She plucked the book free of the shelf, turning it over to read its summary. "REALLY interesting! It's about a girl who travels a long way to save her kingdom. Now, where have I heard that before?"

Blake made an actual, honest-to-goodness giggle. "Sounds up your alley. Let's pick out a table here and – "

There was suddenly a cacophony of noise below. Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Ruby had decided to try and teach Weiss and Penny how to play Command Capture, and they were laying out the board and calling pieces at the big table.

"Or…not here," Blake muttered.

"Yeah, they tend to make a lot of noise for a library," Moana sighed. "I mean, I'm not really familiar with this kind of library, but Lie Ren told me that they're supposed to be quiet."

"What does he usually do instead?"

"Finds a quiet corner of the castle. That's how he and his girlfriend got together. They hid out where it was quiet and just read together."

Blake smiled. "That's adorable." (Much as she found Yang gorgeous in every respect, a small part of her regretted that Yang wasn't as much of a reader, and that finding a book nook couldn't be part of their love story, if they even still had one.) "Maybe we should do that."

"Excuse me!" A new voice broke in. Aqua leaned around from behind a shelf. "Sorry to eavesdrop. I was trying to mind my own business too before the board game crowd showed up." She sighed. "They do this way too much. Anyway, if you're looking for someplace quieter to read, I have a little hideaway."

Blake and Moana looked to each other, then back to Aqua. "Where?" they asked as one.

As Aqua led them across town to the fountain at the entrance, Blake and Moana told each other their own stories. The tale of the White Fang, and of the Heart of Te Fiti. They'd managed to get all the details down by the time they crossed the threshold to Rosalina's observatory, where Aqua brought them to the small library onboard.

Rosalina was already there, at one of the tables. So was Dr. Doppler. They were whispering, even though they were the only two present. Blake sighed with relief. These people understood.

"Hi," Aqua greeted, catching Rosalina and Doppler's attention. "I brought a couple refugees from the board game invasion down in the castle library."

"Welcome," Rosalina said with a smile. "Feel free to look around!"

Blake was already enticed by all the spines here on this floating building, wondering what she'd find here that could be found nowhere else. But Moana found herself wondering what exactly was on the large paper that Doppler and Rosalina had been hunched over. So she took a step closer to get a better look.

"Can I help you?" Doppler asked.

"I was just wondering what that was," Moana said softly. "If it's private – "

"Oh, no, not at all," Doppler told her. "I'm working on an updated interspace chart based on what I can see from the observatory. It should be more helpful when the time comes to venture to new worlds, or for those who don't often travel."

Hearing that, Blake now approached the table. She and Moana scanned the document, which looked like a great astral ocean, complete with constellations and asteroid fields. "It's huge," Blake remarked once she realized that the worlds were indicated by mere dots.

"And this is only page one," Doppler said. "It could take forever to document everything." His face lit up. "And I hope it never ends!"

"Dr. Doppler has actually found some interesting phenomena by using the Observatory's equipment to scan the spaces between worlds," Rosalina revealed.

"For one, the Waypoints," Doppler said. "Ancient structures that seem to be…docking stations for Gummi ships and other inter-world vehicles. But who built them? Why are they unattended? Was this evidence of inter-world travel long before we all entered the picture? But perhaps even more interesting is the rearrangement of the known Galaxies connected to this very Observatory. The way Rosalina tells it, she in fact experienced two worldlines in succession. An awful tyrant attempted to bring the galaxies she protected to heel, and kidnapped an innocent woman to boot. There was an enormous cataclysm, and basically, everything was reset, with the material that made up the previous galaxies recombining into those usually accessible from this Observatory. Except that by tracking old auras, it seems a number – if not all – of the galaxies from the first worldline either survived or rebuilt in some fashion. They've just changed places!"

"Many of them were made from Lumas I held dear," Rosalina said wistfully. "It would be lovely to see them again."

Moana looked reverently over the map, feeling her heart beat faster. "It's so amazing," she said softly. "There's so much out there…waiting to be found and explored. So many places waiting to meet each other, people to know one another."

"It's calling," Blake realized. "We've spent so much time looking at the horizons from our hometowns. Now we're seeing how big things really are. And…I want to know about the rest of it, no matter how big it is."

"Well, we can get you to a lot of places from the Observatory, if you wanted to go exploring for a bit," Aqua pointed out.

"You could go anywhere you like!" Rosalina encouraged.

"Just be careful," Doppler warned. "There are infinite threats out there. I'd choose somewhere safer for your first voyage."

"We shouldn't be gone too long anyway," Blake said. "Weiss is still having kind of a hard time, and I wanna be there for her once the board game crew is done."

"Good call," Moana said. "So we should pick somewhere safe, and quick to get to, but also kind of unknown."

"You could look at some of the galaxies that Dr. Doppler realized still exist," Rosalina suggested. "Most of them were harmless, and rather fun places to stay for an afternoon. I would also like to know how much they have changed, if at all, so if you are looking for a purpose to your exploration, you can bring me back reports. Brief ones, of course. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the fun."

"Just a question," Moana said. "How many of them are connected to the sea?"

"A great many," Rosalina responded. "I can give you a few to start."

"That sounds perfect," Blake said. "How about we take a little tour of the beaches, and then if we find a nice one, we can read there for a bit? Knowing Ruby, and from what I hear of Sora, they'll be playing games for hours. We have time to kill."

"I love this idea!" Moana said enthusiastically.

"Then follow me." Rosalina walked back toward the door. "I have an idea of where you can begin."

Blake and Moana shared one more glance, this one filled with extreme excitement. Then Blake realized she could probably only bring one book for this expedition, so she set most of them down on the edge of the table and said "I'll be back for these" before taking off after Rosalina, with Moana in pursuit.

...

Deymos had taken up residence on the couch in the basement laboratory, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Well, that's not entirely true. They could complain. And several people did exactly that.

"Hey, Irmaplotz!" Jack Spicer said as he and Irmaplotz walked through the lab. "You hear something? Because it sounds to me like a TRAITOR practicing his sitar!"

"I don't even hear a sitar," Irmaplotz said flatly. "Just a series of farts that is eerily in tune with a Fall Out Boy song."

"Okay, if you're gonna insult me," Deymos sighed, "at least get it right. This is the Suzanne Vega song that FOB song SAMPLED. Sheesh."

Then came Herb, and he made a very big show out of being terrified of Deymos, flitting from lab station to lab station before he could finally duck back into the engineering wing.

"I don't bite!" Deymos yelled after him.

(Unfortunately, Herb had crashed into a stool that clattered at an inopportune time, and what he heard was "I bite!", which caused a misunderstanding for a comically long time.)

Then Zorg finished up the new innovations he'd been working on, presenting them to their intended recipients: one Quentin Beck and one Dmitri Smerdyakov.

"These holo-cubes will let you store up to one hundred backdrop holograms of your choice," Zorg told Quentin. "Great for parties and gaslightin' alike."

"Or quick stage setup if you don't have time to paint," Quentin said as he held up one of the cubes, watching the laboratory light shimmer off its surface.

"As for you…" Zorg handed Dmitri a belt. "This little fashion-forward accessory will let ya pick out a new face on a dime without the need for all that mask-moldin'. Just scan whoever it is you wanna copy and you get their body down to the last detail."

Dmitri snapped the belt around his waist, then, as a test run, became an exact duplicate of Zorg, given away only by the presence of the belt. "Works like a charm!" Dmitri said – and then flinched. "The voice, too!"

"Well, damn!" Zorg remarked. "Forgot I looked and sounded that fetchin' from the outside! Anyhow, you two can go run wild with your new toys since I trust the two of you to only use 'em for approved evil activity. Unlike some people here who I might mention sold out our leader to the Overtakers in an alternate timeline."

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN HERE FOR THAT!" Deymos yelled from behind him. Then he sank back on his couch, sighing. "What do I have to do to show these people I'm not the same one that sold 'em out? Maybe THAT one would be fine with all this, since he was on his way out anyway, but I'd like to move past this phase of either being insulted or ignored!"

A sigh from beside his shoulder. "Me too."

"WAH!" Deymos flinched, unsure what to make of the sea creature that floated beside him. "Who are you?"

"Hm?" Xerxes looked to Deymos. "Name Xerxes. Mozenrath's familiar."

"Right-hand to the boss-man, huh?" Deymos said with a smile. "That's gotta net you some pretty sweet perks."

"No." Xerxes drooped. "Mozenrath likes new friends better than old Xerxes."

"Aww, that's sad," Deymos replied.

"It okay," Xerxes muttered. "Important thing is Mozenrath happy. Xerxes can just be forgotten about."

This was what Deymos liked to refer to as an "opportunity." "Y'know…I think that whole 'flying nautical' thing you've got going on is pretty neat."

"Nautical?" Xerxes repeated.

"Yeah," Deymos asserted. "You know, watery. I'm all about water. Check this out."

He played a scale, and a thin stream of water formed an infinity sign in the air, flowing unbroken.

"Impressive!" Xerxes recoiled. "What name?"

"Deymos."

"Hm." Xerxes thought it over. "Seem familiar. I know you somewhere?"

"Nnnnnope."

"Xerxes fly to Deymos because music sound good," Xerxes said. "Keep playing?"

"Yeah!" Deymos replied. "And I never say no to an audience."

This was interrupted by a yell of "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

Shego stood beside the couch, hands thrust out to indicate Deymos on the couch.

"Okay," Deymos sighed as he tuned his instrument, "if you're about to lay into me because my AU version backstabbed the WHAM ARMY – "

"What are you talking about?" Shego replied. "Never mind. I don't wanna know. But YOU'RE ON MY COUCH."

"I didn't see your name on it," Deymos retorted. "Then again, I don't even know what your name is, but there was no one's name on the couch, so there."

"The whole point of that couch is so I have somewhere to lay down and not do things while the smart guys use their brains!" Shego argued. "I brought it here in the first place!"

"Then maybe you should've labeled it," Deymos teased.

"At least scoot over so I can sit on half," Shego demanded.

Deymos responded by stretching his legs out all the way. "I'm sorry, did you say something? I didn't hear."

"RRRGGGHHH…" Shego drew back a hand filled with green energy.

Before Deymos could so much as flinch, Xerxes had flown into her face, snapping with a "RAWR!"

"Okay, FINE!" Shego snapped. "I'll just go park it somewhere else! But this isn't over!" And she stormed off.

"He-hey, nice one!" Deymos put up a hand, palm out, and Xerxes slapped it with a fin.

Shego scanned the laboratory with angry eyes. Nowhere else was as comfortable as that couch. She was left with very few options. None, in fact, but to go over and see what Otto Octavius was doing.

"Shego!" Drakken waved her over. "Come see what I've been working on – "

Nope, no options but Octavius.

Otto was deep in conversation with Baron Zemo, who wasn't a regular down here. Shego took a seat at that lab station, inserting herself into their conversation.

"What you're suggesting is a living nuclear entity," Otto murmured, going over a blueprint.

"Not nuclear," Zemo corrected smugly. "Ionic."

"Heeeey," Shego broke in. "Whatcha talkin' about?"

"The Baron has come to me with a proposal," Otto explained. "Seeing as I am the only one who can be trusted with such a delicate operation. He recalled an old ally, a man he referred to as 'Wonder Man.' Such a marvelous mutation. Caused by accident at first. He would like me to replicate the procedure on a subject within the WHAM ARMY, and who am I to refuse?"

"Nice, nice," Shego said with a nod. Then she glanced up to Zemo; "Aren't you that narcissist?"

"Aren't you that sharp-tongued harpy?" Zemo replied.

"Okay, good, so we know each other," Shego said, and Zemo nodded. She looked back to Otto's plans; "So, what, this guy just has to, like…perpetually explode?"

"That is putting it far too simply," Otto replied. "Wonder Man shall be a consistently surging source of IONIC energy that constantly refuels. Ideally, he would be able to pass through solid objects, but also become solid himself and manipulate his body mass."

"So in other words, you're just making a bunch of hot air," Shego teased.

"Those who create much hot air usually have the flames to power the machine," Otto replied.

"Is that PURPLE?" Shego laughed. "What, did you drop this blueprint in grape juice or are you ACTUALLY going through with that color?"

"Would you rather I made him lime green?" Otto taunted. "Such a plebeian color choice."

"Heyyyy!" She was laughing. "You looked in a mirror lately? You're plenty green yourself."

"The color is of no importance," huffed Zemo, who had been the one to submit the purple.

"Yeah, you would say that," Shego chuckled. "Mr. Fashion Disaster."

"Indeed," Otto agreed. "Why focus in on either of our aesthetic shortcomings when we stand before a man whose use of purple and yellow shows blatant disregard for color theory?"

"And what's with that Dalmatian fur?" Shego snickered.

"Your verbal abuse has little effect on me," Zemo snorted. "I know I am far above any insult you can come up with."

"So in other words," Shego said, "you're saying we can keep doing it and it won't affect you."

"I do believe that is the logical conclusion to what he is saying," Otto replied.

"…Very well," Zemo muttered. "I suppose I have to follow through on what I've said. Taunt me to your heart's content. It means nothing."

And with the pass for permission, Shego and Otto proceeded to do that for the rest of the consultation meeting about the Wonder Man plans.

...

The Command Capture team was on match twenty-five out of a planned fifty, and Ruby Rose had been deployed for a snack run. She zipped down to the kitchen, loaded up a tray with candies and crunchy things, took off at high speed back for the library, stopped short before she could crash into Aerrow –

"WHOA!"

Aerrow had instinctively leaned backward; the tray was less than an inch away from him.

"Sorry about that," Ruby said sheepishly. She held up the tray; "Want one?"

"Hey, thanks!" Aerrow scanned the tray, then plucked up a Thundercracker candy with his thumb and forefinger.

"Careful," Ruby warned as he placed the golden candy in his mouth. "Those have a kick."

He felt the sourness snap in his mouth. "It's good," he said. "I wonder if Maki would like it."

"Maki? Who's Maki?"

"Oh!" Aerrow flinched. "I, uh…" He scratched the back of his head. "Actually, good thing we ran into each other. I think we need to talk."

Ruby went pale.

"Um…so I don't know if I've been picking up the signals right, but I think you might…like me?" Aerrow ventured.

Ruby gave him a blank, wide-eyed stare. Knowing this was the part where she had to break him.

"I just feel kinda bad," Aerrow admitted. "I…I met someone, and I really like her. I wanna move from being just friends to actually dating, but I don't want you to think I was leading you on, or that I was trying to two-time. Is it…okay that I'm thinking about seeing her? Or is that gonna be…hard for you? We can still be friends if you want, but I get it if that's too awkward – "

The tension burst when Ruby started giggling. "Nonono, it's fine! Those were – yeah, I don't know where you were getting those signals from. We're just a pair of good friends who like weapons. No crushing here."

"Must've read the signs wrong," Aerrow laughed.

Ruby beamed. Any worries she'd had about having to let him down easy were out the window. That had worked out better than she'd expected. "So her name's Maki?"

"Yeah. Maki Harukawa. I think you and her would be good friends, actually. She's a lot more serious than you are, but she's great with a knife."

"I'd like to meet her," Ruby said. "Maybe me and my boyfriend could actually double date with you two, if she says yes."

"Oh!" Aerrow blushed. "You're with somebody else. REALLY read that one wrong. Who is it?"

"Booster. The space ranger."

"That makes sense. He seems really nice."

"He is really nice."

"I've been meaning to talk to him about how similar being a space ranger is to being a sky knight anyway," Aerrow admitted. "So yeah, you can put us down for that double date."

"Cool!" Ruby nodded. "Okay, there's a board game on hold until I get back with these. Catch you later?"

"Yeah!"

Ruby zoomed off with glee. All was well that ended well. She put a marshmallow in her mouth to celebrate.

...

Kamdor, the Mukhtar, and Zeron Alpha met in the training room. They weren't the only ones there; Shego and an armored Felix were sparring across the room, ducking each other's limbs with the narrowest of misses. (Shego had also happened to mention that if he wanted to even the odds against her superpower, there was an interesting little experiment going on in the laboratory that he might want to look into.)

But it was Kamdor, the Mukhtar, and Zeron Alpha who got in the scene-stealing argument right away.

"I'M the best tracker of the three of us!" Kamdor insisted. "I've hunted down rare artifacts across galaxies for centuries!"

"Artifacts?" Alpha gave a barking laugh. "I've actually made kills. High-profile ones, too. And the only target that ever escaped me had to stab me into remission."

"I have never had a single target escape," the Mukhtar said. "Only targets I released or assisted in the release of, of my own volition."

"I've found minuscule crystals in the magma-spewing valleys of interspace!" Kamdor bragged.

"I've killed ten Voltarians in succession during a thunderstorm," Alpha boasted.

"I have hunted to the frozen poles of the earth," the Mukhtar countered, "into the deadliest wasteland known to humanity."

"Boys, BOYS!" Shego yelled from across the room. "This is starting to get annoying! Can you just stop acting like third-graders and use this room for what it's meant to be used for?"

"No…hang on." Felix pulled away from Shego. "These guys wanna know who's the best tracker? I can put an end to that debate pretty fast."

"How?" the Mukhtar asked.

"Simple!" Felix put out his arms in an exaggerated shrug. "My armor can camouflage. I'll activate it, and you guys give me a ten-second head start. First one of you to hunt me down gets the title. Oh, and don't kill me. That'd be bad manners."

"I say we take his challenge!" Kamdor crowed.

"It would certainly settle the score," the Mukhtar agreed.

"I am not afraid to step up," Alpha said with a canine smirk.

"Okay," Felix said. "Then let's get this party started."

In an instant, he melted away, seemingly becoming invisible. Then, from the air where he'd been visible but a moment prior, his voice said, "Your time starts…now."

Kamdor immediately made a grab for that patch of air, but Felix had already gone, quiet as a shadow.

"That's cheating," Alpha grumbled.

"I don't care!" Kamdor snapped. "Playing by the rules means you lose!"

And he took off running.

"Nine," Alpha said. "Eight."

He and the Mukhtar continued the countdown until "One," then exited the room after Kamdor.

Shego, having the room to herself, started eyeballing the unused wall space to see if a couch would fit here.

Even though Felix had not had a head start on Kamdor at all, Kamdor had still managed to lose him. He knew the warship was too large to simply search at random.

"I need surveillance!" he yelled to himself. "An army that can fan out and find him so I can go right to him! Now, what can do that for me?"

He threw open a door to find a room full of Talon-issue walkie-talkies, telescopes, binoculars, and even a few security cameras.

"PERFECT!"

They went running out of the storage room on legs, dispersing, every visual device pairing with a walkie-talkie so that Kamdor could have both eyes and ears out for Felix. They fanned into the entirety of the warship, disturbing Katnappé showering, Quackerjack trying to do a ten-thousand-piece puzzle, and Grany Smisse flexing at the mirror in the process.

As Kamdor yelled to his minions that he had no interest in Snipe singing into a hairbrush and wearing only a towel, the Mukhtar breezed right past him. He was following a completely different tactic. Felix might've been invisible and very, very quiet, but nothing passed through an area without leaving some kind of mark.

He scanned, finding nothing until he came to a fork in the hall. Time to deploy a little bit of the proper tool. The Mukhtar pulled out a pouch of a powder he called "revealer": meant to display anything hidden from the naked eye. A small scatter of revealer told him which fork Felix had taken.

He could've just emptied the whole pouch to figure out Felix's exact location, and he knew it, but that would've felt too cheap. He only used it as needed. He was pointed in the right direction, and now he scanned for any sign of a man on the run –

Such as that door right there, which had been kicked open rather hastily to reveal a narrower corridor.

The Mukhtar smiled. "Perfect."

Alpha let the Mukhtar and Kamdor get ahead of him, then pulled aside to a broom closet where he wouldn't be heard. After all, the two of them were trying to figure out the route Felix would be taking. But Alpha, seeing the expanse of the task before him, felt that the best strategy was to figure out not which route Felix was using but which destination he was trying to get to.

If he were on the run, where would he want to hide to prevent three seasoned trackers from finding him? Easy, Alpha realized. Somewhere already filled with other people who didn't agree to be part of this competition, in hopes that the trackers would pass over occupied rooms by force of habit or even be afraid to disturb the peace.

A quick number dialed on his scroll. "What?" Mozenrath droned.

"What gatherings of people are most annoying in the base at this moment?" Alpha asked.

"Well, I tend to stay out of the karaoke room during improv club sessions," Mozenrath replied.

As a matter of fact, there was a very intense improv troupe meeting taking place then and there. Roman was directing a game of Story Death, in which Scarlet, Herb, Yzma, Irmaplotz, Snatcher, Quentin, and Dmitri had to tell a story off the top of their head in turn as Roman selected them, without hesitating, or else.

"Pigtails!" Roman directed.

"Okay," Scarlet said. "So the town laundromat hung out the village laundry to dry, and this included a lot of very silly underwear. There were boxers with hearts and there were striped briefs and – "

"Herb-al Tea!" Roman directed.

"And…" Herb blanked. "Uhhhh…the…the underwear – "

"DIE," Roman told him.

Herb made a show of pretending to choke before flopping down on the ground like a fish.

"Yz-Mom!" Roman directed.

"The villagers were so offended at the sight of the silly underwear that they formed an angry mob and took the laundromat to trial," Yzma said drly. "A woman was so flustered that she fainted and broke every bone in her body. A fashion editor was permanently traumatized and sued for retribution."

From behind Roman, a sigh: "This truly is the bottom of the barrel. What sort of tale is this being told?"

"I never said your name," Roman grumbled at Emet-Selch. "In fact, I'm still working on your name, but rest assured, every working draft is very rude."

"In his defense, I'm not quite sure where this story is going myself," Snatcher pointed out. "It seems utterly ridiculous and I'm not certain how I'd be part of it, really."

"Four-Eyes!" Roman snapped.

"They got fined way, WAY too much money," Irmaplotz said. "Also everyone in town has a lot of injuries and is sick. This is not a good time."

"Archie!"

"I suppose the only natural reaction is for the tale's villain to open up a quack clinic that peddles snake oil to remedy said maladies," Snatcher said drly. "Mm, not a bad idea. Got to remember that one – anyhow, he did so, false doctors and the lot, lab coats everywhere."

"Fishbowl!"

"This story is stupid!" Quentin complained.

"DIE," Roman snapped.

As Quentin took a full five minutes to pretend to die (which indicated that he'd probably just messed up on purpose so he could show everyone how good he was at dying), Emet-Selch shook his head. "How plainly I can see the underdeveloped imaginations of those who lack immortal souls. This is a mummery in more ways than one."

"Why are you even here?" Roman asked through gritted teeth. "Seriously, why?"

"To attend a social gathering hosted by my new community," Emet-Selch said. "After all, we are to be bosom brethren, are we not? It is this level of triviality I must acclimate to in order to truly fit in amongst my peers. The exposure might as well begin early."

"Okay, you think you can do better than this?" Roman snarled. "Then get up there and do it. Turn this story good. No pauses, no breaks, and you have a special challenge: no random twists."

"I've no need to debase myself to – "

"Then I'm gonna have to assume you're afraid," Roman said flatly.

Shaking his head, Emet-Selch stepped up onto the stage, last in line. "Do continue so I may prove your point to be egregiously incorrect."

"Blank Face, let's keep this train moving!" Roman said with two claps.

"An old man was injured in a submarine accident," Dmitri said, "and had to go to the fake clinic. There, they poisoned him. They gave him a miracle cure that made him feel better on the outside, but it turned out the major side effect was – "

"GERIATRIC JACKASS, you tell us what it was," Roman stated.

Emet-Selch would've responded to the nickname, but that would have resulted in an instant "DIE," so instead, he launched right into it: "A slow and almost imperceptible rotting of the organs, resulting in inevitable failure. He who should ingest the concoction would be surely doomed."

BANG. Doors were thrown open on either side of the room, and Kamdor came rushing in one way while Alpha came barreling through another. The Mukhtar wasn't long after Alpha.

While most everyone yelped and cringed, Emet-Selch kept going: "With such a death sentence hanging over one's head, the civilians of the town would have to realize the charade inevitably. When the old man perished, his grandson took it upon himself to commit an act of revenge."

Felix, knowing he was cornered, revealed himself from where he'd been hiding with a cry of "THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY TIME THE STORY'S BEEN GOOD!" Then he squared up to parry the Mukhtar's blade, then Alpha's discs, then Kamdor's kicking leg.

Since Roman was too engrossed by the duel to call the rotation, Emet-Selch kept on speaking. "The villain of our tale, a jaded old man with very little in the way of taste, reveled in the murder of the elderly man. It did not take long for the grandson to be put on his trail."

Roman put up a hand; "TAKING BETS!"

"FIVE DOLLARS ON FELIX!" Scarlet yelled.

"THAT'S A WUSS BET, BUT OKAY!" Roman yelled back.

"FIFTY ON MR. MUKHTAR!" Snatcher called out.

"ONE HUNDRED ON THE ARMORED ONE!" Quentin yelled.

"BE MORE SPECIFIC!" Roman called back.

"BLUE, I GUESS!" Quentin decided, having hoped he could get away with it if either came out on top.

"FIFTY ON SNIPE!" Yzma yelled.

"HE'S NOT HERE, BUT OKAY!" Roman called back.

"TWENTY-SEVEN ON TUBBIMURA!" Irmaplotz called out.

"ALSO NOT HERE!" Roman told her.

"FIFTY CENTS ON ALPHA?" Herb said, unsure.

"NOT EVEN COUNTING THAT!" Roman called back.

"This grandson," Emet-Selch said, "whom we shall call 'Arthur,' wasted no time in acquiring a deadly weapon he could use to slay not only the villain of our tale but all of his henchmen in one fell swoop."

"FIVE HUNDRED ON EMET-SELCH FINISHING THE ENTIRE STORY!" Dmitri yelled.

"No one's going to bet against that," Snatcher informed him.

Kamdor had been shoved out of the struggle, and sought a way to put an end to it quickly. His cybernetically enhanced eyes scanned the room, looking for a spare item he could transform into a warrior.

Felix kneed Alpha in the gut, doubling him over. Then shoved the Mukhtar down to vault over him, making a break for the exit.

An enormous monster that was suspiciously bowler-hat-shaped ("THREE HUNDRED ON MY OWN FUCKING HAT, BITCH!") blocked the door and roared. This gave Alpha a chance to slap a disc-manacle on Felix, binding his arm back, while the Mukhtar sent a bolas to wrap around Felix's ankles and bring him crashing down. Then Felix looked up to see Alpha's, the Mukhtar's, and Kamdor's blades pointing at the face of his helmet.

"Well, whaddaya know?" he said smugly. "Three-way tie. Looks like you boys had no reason to fight after all."

The Mukhtar looked from Kamdor to Alpha and back. "Perhaps it was foolish of us to fight."

"It seems we work better as a unit than apart," Alpha agreed.

"Well, I did most of the work, and I refuse to admit defeat to either of you!" Kamdor balked.

So Alpha just said "Of course you're the best here" and the Mukhtar said "Indeed so" simply to end the argument.

"I'm gonna call that a victory for the hat," Roman decided. "You all owe me."

Emet-Selch cleared his throat.

"What?" Roman groaned.

"As per the rules of your little game," Emet-Selch said…

He pointed to each participant one by one. "Die, die, die, die, die, die, and die."

There was a pause. Then every single participant of Story Death, unwilling to pass up the opportunity, faked a glorious death, and Emet-Selch was really more unironically amused than anything.

...

Lapis Lazuli winged her way across the Radiant Garden sky on water, making her way to a rendez-vous point beside the castle's towers. From the opposite side of the city came Buzz Lightyear on his jetpack.

"All clear on the Northern front," Buzz stated.

Lapis nodded. "Nothing suspicious to the South either."

Suddenly, a third figure had zipped up between them, holding her hands behind her back as an eager smile was plastered on her face. "Saluations!" Penny Polendina greeted. "I see we are flying. Might I ask what we are looking at?"

"Oh, uh…hi," Lapis replied. "We were just doing patrols."

"Evil never sleeps," Buzz clarified. "Especially not in this town. With so much still under renovation and Emperor Zurg at large working with this 'Maleficent' character, Lapis and I thought an aerial view could help us pinpoint any incoming threats before it's too late."

"That sounds like good proactive action!" Penny nodded. "May I offer to help?"

"We're kinda done," Lapis said. "Thanks for asking, but we don't really need it."

"That is a shame," Penny sighed. "The view from up here looks quite beautiful."

"It does, doesn't it?" Lapis smiled slightly. "It reminds me of a certain friend I have back home. He taught me all about how humans are happiest when they stop and notice the little things about their world."

"Oh," Penny realized. "You are not human, are you?"

"No," Lapis replied. "I'm a Gem."

"I am not human either," Penny said in response. "As you can see, I am a fully-equipped battle android."

"And I can already see you're an upstanding young woman," Buzz said with a smile.

"You have known many androids, have you not?" Penny asked. "Am I like the ones you know?"

"Robots are as diverse as humans," Buzz replied. "No one robot's like any other."

"I have never met another robot, actually," Penny admitted. "I guess I do not know much about what it means to be a robot or what it means to be a human."

"But you're yourself, right?" Lapis asked. "That's all you really need."

"She's right," Buzz agreed. "A ranger – or anyone else, for that matter – has gotta be true to themselves first."

"All the same," Penny said, "I would like to know what your friend taught you about being human." This with a look to Lapis.

"All he really did was show me how to slow down and look at things," Lapis said. "We could…take a tour around the city and look at some of the interesting parts, if you wanted."

"I think that'd be a capital idea!" Buzz agreed. "Especially if you wanna join in on our patrols. You've gotta know the lay of the land!"

"All right!" Penny nodded. "I am ready!"

"Where should we go first?" Lapis asked.

"Follow me," Buzz replied.

The three of them flew over the castle district. "This is the heart of civilization," Buzz said. "Where people come to meet, greet, and exchange necessities."

"Look down there." Lapis pointed to the streets. "See how many people there are? It's interesting to watch how many different places they go. Everyone's got different errands to run."

"What is that building there?" Penny pointed to a particularly grand structure.

"All I know about it is that it's been abandoned since the fall of the city," Lapis said, "and that it's something called a 'theater.' But I don't know what that actually means."

"Then we'll have to open it back up," Buzz said. "You can't just never have been to the theater your whole life! We gotta fix that!"

"I think I know what a theater might be," Penny realized. "Is it not a place where people act out events that have never happened?"

"Why would anyone want to sit through that?" Lapis asked.

"Well, for fun," Buzz said. "People like us, we see a lot of suffering and peril. The ordinary person would wanna kick back and enjoy some escapism. Not me, though. I'm always ready to protect the innocent when the time comes."

They flew over Main Street, then to what appeared to be a small fortress. "What is THAT building?" Penny asked.

"A school!" Buzz replied. "Where bright young minds go to get a proper education!"

"They learn all kinds of interesting things," Lapis said, "like the equations that make technology run, and how nature works so they can keep it safe. But I've heard it said that the most important part of a school is the fact that it puts the children into a community where they can make friends."

"I have been to a school," Penny said, "but it was a combat school. This one sounds different."

"Hey, look!" Buzz pointed ahead. "It's Gremlin Village! A real impressive display of mechanics."

Penny glanced over all the machines that studded the district. "Those devices look very strange what are they for?"

"They're amusement park rides," Lapis explained. "It looks like the people who live in that town use them for transportation. But mostly they're just for fun. You sit in a vehicle of some kind, and it takes you somewhere, or nowhere, fast. It's strangely more fun than you'd think."

"I must try one of these amusement park rides!" Penny resolved.

Over Guadosalam, into Crystarium. "This part of the city is beautiful!" Penny cried, watching the sun reflect off the crystal domes.

"Ah, Crystarium," Buzz said appreciatively. "This is where the weapons magitech is centered. Not something you'd want to fall into the wrong hands, but an unfortunate necessity to protect this town from evil."

"I see," Penny said. "Sometimes I do wish all of this combat was not necessary. Could we all not just get along?"

"Tried that once," Buzz told her. "It's not the panacea it sounds like."

"This part of town reminds me of Homeworld," Lapis said. "Where I come from. But before I left that planet, I'd never noticed how the sun reflects off the crystal surfaces and makes little rainbows. See there on the street? They're walking right through a rainbow!"

Over Nine Wood Hill, and then to a rather flooded area. "What happened here?" Penny asked.

"Bog Easy," Buzz said morosely. "Once a thriving district that provided raw material to Crystarium. Then Maleficent showed up. So many homes submerged beneath those waters. So many lives lost."

Penny felt a tug at her Aura. "That is…very sad."

"It is," Lapis told her. "But new things are growing from where it fell. See how people are boating across the flood waters? See the houseboats that float there? People have changed and adapted. Gems hardly ever change, and we're built to not need to adapt, so it's always impressive that humans can do that."

Over Olliewood and Shadow Alley and then to a very broken-down district that had no signs of life. "Probably the saddest case here," Buzz sighed. "Soleanna Port. After Maleficent landed, she practically obliterated it while taking the seas for her Rising Falls defenses."

"The sea used to flow up here," Lapis explained. "It was a coastal district. But now you have to look all the way out there to see the sea." And she pointed.

Penny looked out toward the beach. The sun sparkled off the waters. "It is gorgeous!"

"It really is," Lapis said.

"I bet Soleanna Port would have looked gorgeous, too," Penny pouted.

"It would've," Buzz affirmed. "But now we can move on for the memory of the people who lived here."

"And their memories still stay," Lapis added. "Memories are a funny thing. I didn't understand at first how they could be anything more than ways to remember your duties and something that held you back by scaring you. But if you think about it, you can see how lots of people used to be very happy here."

Penny pointed. "That looks like a plaza for some sort of festival! I bet it was wonderful to see."

They circled back around and landed by the fountain wall. "And here's one of my favorite places in the city," Lapis explained.

"It's a thing of beauty," Buzz agreed. "When it's not tainted with gallons of ketchup, that is."

Lapis stared into the water wall a bit too long, so Penny asked, "Is everything all right?"

Lapis blinked. Flinched. "Water has always been a big part of me," she explained. "After…something bad happened, I was afraid to come back to it for a while. But my friend helped me with that. And now…I'm so glad he did." Her soft smile returned. "Because it's one of those little things that I love about living on this world. Listen to how it sounds when it falls."

Penny shut her eyes, taking in the sound of the rushing. "It feels very…I think the word is 'calming'?"

"I think so, too," Lapis agreed.

"So," Buzz asked, "whaddaya think?"

"I can see what you mean now by the little things," Penny answered, opening her eyes again. "This city is made up of many small parts that are beautiful. All together, it is even more wonderful."

"I'm glad," Lapis told her.

"I want to join you on your patrols to keep it safe," Penny urged.

"All the better," Buzz said. "Three pairs of eyes are better than two."

"But also," Penny admitted, "I want to make the rounds so I have an excuse to look at it all again."

"And that's not a bad thing at all," Buzz said with an earnest grin.

...

There came a sharp rapping at the wooden door to the part of the Forbidden Mountain that Arthur Watts called his domicile. The knocking didn't cease until Watts had crossed the room to open the door wide.

"Yes, yes, what is it?" he asked.

He was stared down by a very grumpy Ed Nygma who also seemed to be missing his glasses. "Where are they?" he asked.

"Where are who?" Watts responded coyly.

"I know you have them," Ed replied. "I also know you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I haven't the faintest," Watts replied.

"That's a lie," Ed responded, "because as you can see – " He gestured over his face. "There is something very important MISSING."

"You lost your spectacles? I can hardly see how that relates to me."

"It relates to you because I know you're the one who took them," Ed insisted.

"And how would you possibly know such a thing?" Watts asked, his tone playful.

"I set them down for two minutes in the library," Ed replied. "I know for a fact that's where I had them last, and they couldn't just get up and walk away. Now, once I realized they'd been stolen and ruled out any accidental jostling that could've bumped them under the table -which would've been impossible anyway, as I didn't cause any – I went to work figuring out who did the deed. First, I tallied up everyone who was in the library at that time, and pinpointed their locations. It was already suspicious that you'd managed to evade most witnesses and hardly anyone even saw you there, suggesting you were sneaking in and out. I was only able to definitively say you were even there because the spines of the books that looked disturbed, judging by the dust, align to your interests, thus corroborating your presence. I then used those two factors to retrace your route, and the most likely pattern you would've walked would take you EXACTLY past the table I set the glasses on. That was how I started, anyway. The steps I took to definitively prove it was you would make a bit of a long-winded and technical explanation. But suffice to say you can't hide from me. And I would've been here much faster if I weren't working half-blind."

"Good show." Watts withdrew something from his pocket: a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. "And here I was afraid the famous Riddler wouldn't live up to his reputation."

Ed took back the glasses, settling them on his face. "The only thing I wasn't able to pinpoint was motive," he admitted. "Why target me, and why my glasses?"

"Because I needed to see if you were truly as intelligent as rumor had it," Watts explained. "As it turns out…it was all true. Which works out very well in my favor."

"Explain. NOW."

"I'm putting together a little traveling party for a mission of mine," Watts clarified. "I already have plenty of brawn; I've invited the vampires. What I want is extra brain. You seemed to be compatible with my level of intellect, so I decided to test you and make certain. And while we're at it, why don't you go ahead and invite that Penguin of yours? I haven't tested him, but I'm well aware you wouldn't waste your time on a simpleton."

Ed wasn't sure how he felt about being suddenly invited on a mission without his consent. But he did know how he felt about having his ego stroked. "What kind of mission?"

"For all Ganondorf doesn't seem to blend in here," Watts noted, "preferring more to blend into the background instead, as it turns out, he's offered up a tip on something our forces can use. Something that would give us a distinct advantage in our goal to usurp the divine. Something that could change the entire game."

"And you want us to go hunting down this weapon," Ed realized.

"Well, yes," Watts said. "But first, I want to make a little…side trip."

"Side trip."

"I have someone I need to boast to," Watts said. "After all, I didn't drop Atlas only to miss out on his reaction."

...

Mozenrath and the Huntsman had met up with Yzma and Wuya to discuss what had happened on their various adventures and why it was a good thing that Yzma and Wuya had cut out before Galra Space. This ended up turning into personal anecdote time.

"Anyway," Wuya was saying, "to make a long story short, the boat got stuck sideways in the canal for about a week. Trade was disrupted all over. It was hilarious. And that's not even getting into the Russian oil tanker that got classified as a warship."

Yzma broke into hysterics while Mozenrath said flatly, "I don't see how that's funny."

"Do you hear that?" the Huntsman said suddenly, leaning toward the direction of the noise.

"Of course I do," Mozenrath replied. "No matter how much I try to tune out every new background nuisance that turns up around here, I can still hear them."

"Is…someone singing?" Yzma realized.

"Sounds like it's coming from the karaoke room," Wuya noted. "We didn't miss a night, did we?"

"We better NOT have!" Yzma growled.

"No," Mozenrath said. "There was definitely no karaoke scheduled. Whoever's doing this is a rogue independent operator. I knew this would happen. You give them an inch in the form of scheduled nights they're allowed to sing, and next thing you know, they think they can just sing any old day of the week…"

"I'm more interested in knowing who's singing this song," the Huntsman said. "I…didn't expect to hear it."

"Well?" Yzma urged. "Let's go and see who's stealing the spotlight that rightfully belongs to – I mean see who the annoyance is!"

They entered the room to see two entities and only two in the room. Onstage, Scaramouche was kicking high and pouring his soul into the song he'd chosen. Down in the audience space, Demongo had pulled out a chair and a table so he could sit down and lean forward onto the table with a dreamy look on his face.

"There'll be no one unless that someone is you, you, you!" Scaramouche belted. "'Cause I intend to be independently blue! Blue! Blue! Baby, I want your love, and I don't wanna borrow! To HAAAVE it today and to give back tomorrow! For your love is my love; there's no love for nobody else!"

He continued to dance while breaking down into an epic scat solo, syllables pouring out at unprecedented speeds and matching perfectly the beat of the background music pouring from the speakers alongside him.

"Well, then," Yzma said dryly. "I can see who I'll have to best around here to get back my clout."

"This was one of yours?" the Huntsman asked Mozenrath.

"Unfortunately," Mozenrath responded. "We recruited him for his assassination prowess. He also happens to be musical."

"All right," Wuya urged, "when are you going to stop being an absolute tsundere about having fun with musical numbers? We all know you actually like this, especially when you can complain about it."

"The complaining is an integral part of the enjoyment process," Mozenrath grumbled.

"OH, LOVE ME!" Scaramouche leapt, descending onto the stage in perfect splits, legs a straight line. "OR LEAVE ME ALONE!" He tipped down his hat as the music ended.

Demongo immediately rose and began to applaud rapidly. "Bravissimo, maestro!" he congratulated as Scaramouche stood and looked back out over the room.

"Well, well!" he remarked. "Seems my singing stylings brought in an audience like moths to a flame after all!"

"It was a satisfactory performance," Yzma said dryly.

"Satisfactory?" Demongo repeated, smiling wide. "Does our illustrious Yzma think she can do better?"

"I thought you'd never challenge me!" Yzma said with a wide grin. (She'd already been planning how to execute this phase of the plan without being prompted.) "Wuya, I think you know what number I need to use to take this robot to the cleaners. …The robot cleaners. Is that a thing? You know what I mean!"

"You go, honey," Wuya said, beaming. "Oh, but first – "

She souped up Yzma's wardrobe a little, with more glitter, a few more diaphanous and translucent veils to billow, a feathered headdress.

"Out of my way!" Yzma demanded as she stormed onto the stage, practically shoving Scaramouche off. Wuya shot a jet of green energy at the nearest speaker, giving Yzma her necessary background music.

"Aaaaaall of me!" Yzma began. "Why not take all of me? Baby, can't you see I'm no good without you…"

As she pranced about and sparkled, doing her very best to show up Scaramouche, the latter decided to ignore her, turning away with a wave. The Huntsman, however, needed to confront the kindred spirit in the room, and planted himself in Scaramouche's path.

"There a problem, Huntsmaster of Heinousness?" Scaramouche asked.

"Quite the opposite," the Huntsman said. "The song you chose. You have a good ear."

"Always down for the squeaks of the Rat Pack, babe," Scaramouche replied. "And I get the feelin' you're a connoisseur yourself."

"As a matter of fact – "

Now it was Yzma who had broken into scatting, whirling about the stage while improvising on the bridge. Demongo rolled his eyes at her; "Show-off."

"It amazes me how different worlds have certain songs in common," the Huntsman said. "It hardly seems possible, and yet…you seem to be drawn more to Davis."

"The man's an inspiration."

"I tend to lean more toward Sinatra."

"Is that so!" Scaramouche's eyes sparkled. "Well, that bein' the way it is, we're two halves of a whole 'Me and My Shadow'!"

"I suppose we are."

"Well?" Scaramouche put out his arms. "Should we do it?"

The Huntsman was confused. "Do what?"

"Duet!"

"Now is neither the time nor the place," the Huntsman said.

"Babe!" Scaramouche threw an arm around the Huntsman's shoulders. "Now is the time and anywhere's the place! You don't really think the music in you's gotta stay confined to pre-scheduled karaoke nights, do ya?"

"I am not one to break into song on a whim," the Huntsman grumbled.

"Then be glad you weren't there for Sayu mania," Mozenrath broke in.

"Besides," the Huntsman said. "Spontaneous performing arts are more suited for…well, her."

He pointed up to Yzma, who was whirling around and around like a top, so fast she was just a blur of purple.

"C'mon, you gotta live a little!" Scaramouche encouraged. "What are we in this for if not a little fun? Murder, mayhem, MUSIC! Among pals, can't do much murder, and only so much mayhem. But music? That we can have all day and all night! No, seriously, we'll be here all night performing."

"Neither of us needs to sleep!" Demongo chirped.

"How wonderful," Mozenrath sighed.

"Well, then lemme cut you a deal," Scaramouche offered. "If you can tell me in your heart of hearts that you don't wanna sing your soul, that you don't, deep down, wanna just cut a rug in front of your man right there, then I'll leave it be. But if you so much as have the slightest secret desire to get up on that stage, then you gotta. So look me in the eyes and tell me no!"

Well, Scaramouche had him there, because the Huntsman rather did at least want to show off how well he knew the song, and now he was fighting his own sense of dignity.

"…You win," he sighed.

"Knew you'd come around!" Scaramouche clapped him on the shoulder twice.

No sooner had Yzma completed her song than she became aware of Scaramouche to her left: "Like the wallpaper sticks to the wall!"

And the Huntsman on her right: "Like the seashore clings to the sea!"

"Like you'll never get rid of your shadow," Scaramouche picked up, "babe, you'll never be rid of me!"

"WHAT?" Yzma screeched.

"Let all the others fight and fuss!" the Huntsman and Scaramouche sang in harmony. "Whatever happens…weeeee've got uuuuus!"

Yzma went running offstage with an "AAAAARGH!".

Wuya immediately flitted after her; "Honey – sweetie – "

As the Huntsman softly sang "Me…and my sha…dow," Scaramouche pointed directly at Demongo to warble, "We're closer than pages that stick in a book! We're closer than ripples that play in a brook! Wherever you find him, you'll find me, just look!" Then, letting his mischievous streak get the better of him: "Close as on a seesaw or resentment to Yzma!"

That almost got the Huntsman laughing as he took over, with Scaramouche taking the backup; "We're closer than smog when it clings to L.A.!" Still holding back laughter; "We're closer than cats are to old Katnappé!"

Scaramouche rejoined him to harmonize: "NOT A SOUL CAN BUST THIS TEAM IN TWO! WE STICK TOGETHER LIKE GLUE!"

Now they were getting into it, dancing along to the beat, down to dramatic kicks when it came time to declare that they "RING! A-ding-ding, happy New Year!".

Demongo floated over to Mozenrath. "And here I was thinking your taste was, hrm…insipid."

"He's got flair to him," Mozenrath replied. "You just have to know where to look in order to see it. Meanwhile, your boyfriend's just a show-off at this point."

"Yes," Demongo affirmed. "That is why I LIKE him."

"Life is gonna be whee-wah-wheeeee!" Scaramouche and the Huntsman finished. "For MYYYY! SHADOW! AND MEEEEEE!" And despite himself, the Huntsman struck a dramatic pose to finish it off.

"Are you through?" Yzma spat from the corner of the room.

"Yes," the Huntsman decided, hustling off the stage quickly so he didn't have to process how much fun impromptu music was after all.

"It wasn't bad," Mozenrath told him. "Well, actually, that's underselling it. I could listen to that voice sing a lot more, really."

The Huntsman just gave him a nod, and they were understood. "We had places to be that aren't lingering here all night."

"Oh, trust me," Mozenrath agreed. "If I'm going to pull another all-nighter, it won't be watching two yahoos croon."

They left, arm in arm. Then Yzma stormed past, jabbing two bony fingers at her eyes and then at Scaramouche; "This means WAR, you know."

"Ohhh, I do love a good war," Wuya said with a shiver, following along after Yzma.

"It is so on, babe," Scaramouche agreed. "You better really bring your A-game to the next round."

"I'll bring A, B, and all the way down to Z!" Yzma declared, pointing in the air as she left.

"She'll do it, you know!" Wuya snickered before exiting herself.

"Lookin' forward to it!" Scaramouche called after him. Then he turned to extend a hand down to Demongo; "Wanna join me for the next number?"

A dark claw hooked into his metal digits. "I thought you'd never ask."

...

"Okay, everyone!" Rapunzel clapped her hands to get the attention of the baking club, which now consisted of herself, Eugene Fitzherbert, Nani Pelekai, Stork, Junko, Sadira, Pleakley, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and new recruits Ruby Rose and Booster Munchapper. "I have a fun idea for us all to do today! Why don't we have a friendly competition? We'll split into teams and bake around a theme, and then we can all present what we came up with at the end!"

"I think that sounds like a great idea!" Nani said.

"Could we do cupcakes for the first theme?" Junko asked. "There's a lot of great stuff you can do with cupcakes!"

Pinkie gasped; "I LOOOOOOVE cupcakes! They're my specialty!"

"Sure!" Rapunzel said. "Why not? Okay, so for the teams – "

"Dibs!" Eugene pointed at her, and she smiled.

Ruby used both of her arms to raise Booster's hand up; "TEAM!"

"Yeah!" Booster agreed.

Sadira turned to Pleakley; "Pals?"
"You know it!" Pleakley responded.

"Applejack!" Pinkie was bounding up and down. "Let's be Team Equestria!"

"Representin'!" Applejack said with a nod.

Junko threaded his arm through Stork's; "STORM HAWKS!" Then Stork slipped his arm out and stood a respectable distance away.

"I'll just go solo," Nani said.

"Nooooo!" Rapunzel urged. "That takes away all the fun! You gotta have a team!"

"You could be on our team," Junko volunteered. "We don't mind!"

"Hmm…" Nani thought it over. "All right. Why not?" As she got closer, she whispered, "Thanks for inviting me before Pleakley could. I know whatever he turns in, it won't be a cupcake."

"Three!" Rapunzel called out. "Two! One! START YOUR OVENS!"

The teams broke off to their individual stations to consult.

"So what do we wanna do?" Junko asked.

"Something deliciously morbid," Stork suggested.

"I've made Halloween cupcakes for Lilo before," Nani recalled. "Though it was actually April when she wanted them. I still remember most of the recipes. Mummies with candy bones inside, vampires filled with cherry pie filling that looks like blood…"

"This speaks to my soul," Stork said.

"Now, I always used chocolate for my recipes, to make them extra dark and spooky," Nani said. "But since you're allergic – "

Stork held up a hand. "We're in this to win. Go for the chocolate. I just won't touch it."

"You sure?" Junko asked.

"I know what I'm signing up for," Stork said solemnly.

"Hmm." Applejack was thinking it over. "Kinda wanna use this as an opportunity to try workin' with a bold new fruit I ain't used before. Somethin' like – "

"PINEAPPLE!" Pinkie yelled.

"Sure, why not!" Applejack brightened. "Pineapple cupcakes! I can do that!"

"And then we dip them in rainbow sprinkles?" Pinkie urged.

"Definitely!" Applejack agreed.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Rapunzel asked Eugene.

"I'm…not sure I am," Eugene admitted.

"RAINBOW CUPCAKES WITH STRAWBERRY FROSTING!" Rapunzel squealed.

"Yeah, okay, I wasn't thinking that," Eugene said, "but it sounds delicious, so let's go!"

Ruby dropped her voice to a whisper; "Okay, so I don't want the competition to hear this, but I had an idea earlier when I ran into Aerrow and he tried his first Thundercracker. I came into this session wondering if I could use Thundercrackers in whatever we made today, and – "

"And we could make popping Thundercracker cupcakes!" Booster filled in, also whispering. "With the candy all ground up in the center!"

"We're gonna win," Ruby decreed. "And not just win. This is gonna be a bloodbath."

"Okay, so here's what I'm thinking," Pleakley told Sadira. "A cupcake is supposed to be a melding of complementary flavors – a dough, a filling, and a cream substance on top, right? I think our optimal choice here is to go traditional."

"Traditional?" Sadira asked.

"You know," Pleakley clarified. "The traditional corn muffin batter filled with pork shreds and topped with pimento cheese spread!"

"That doesn't sound right," said Sadira, who had never actually seen a cupcake but was sure it had to be more like a shaabiyat than anything.

"Trust me!" Pleakley urged. "I know Earth cuisine very well! Cupcakes are most similar to your lamb dumplings!"

"…All right." Sadira shrugged. "But speaking of that, can we sub in lamb instead of the pork? You know."

"Oh, right!" Pleakley realized. "Of course we can!"

Knives chopped. Mixers whirled. Eggs cracked.

Within five minutes, Stork had to admit his confidence was misplaced and his hand was covered in hives. "GO," Nani said, pointing him away from the station where the chocolate dough was already made.

He sighed. "I made my bed. Might as well lie in it."

"You can come over here and work with us!" Rapunzel called to him. "It's a chocolate-free zone here!"

"C'monnnn!" Eugene encouraged. "The more, the merrier!"

Stork thought it over. Was it really a good idea to go bake in close quarters with someone he frustratingly had feelings for? Probably not. Unless exposure would dilute the crush. But was that a risk he could take? What if he ended up homewrecking by accident? What if –

"Are you okay?" Rapunzel asked. "Besides the hand, I mean. You should really put something on that."

He hadn't asked himself what if he just stood there staring at her like an awkward idiot. The only real way to cover for this was to say "Yeah, I'm gonna go do that. Be back in a minute." Implying that he had indeed agreed to join Team New Dream, because ducking out of it would look more suspicious than anything, and at this point it was about choosing the least anxiety-inducing option.

Nani took the first tray out of the oven, with chocolate dough shells ready to be filled. "Now, it's important we get this right," she urged.

Junko pointed to the bowls he'd set up: "Colored frosting for the monsters, cherry pie filling for the vampires, candy bones for the mummies…it's all here!"

Applejack slid her own tray of pineapple cupcakes into the oven; "Now let's get those rainbow sprinkles ready!"

"DEPLOY THE RAINBOW SPRINKLES!" Pinkie Pie sat atop a fridge with an enormous bag of sprinkles, and Applejack knew now was the time to clear the drop zone at the bottom of the fridge; they were about to go all or nothing.

"Okay," Rapunzel asked Stork. "Does this ratio look even to you?" She stared into a cup of blue, purple, green, and yellow dough.

"Needs more green," Stork told her.

So she added it, only for Stork to tell her that "Actually, wait. Now the purple's off. Needs more purple."

"So, fun fact!" Eugene called over from where he was whipping the strawberry icing. "A lot of people say strawberries are an aphrodisiac."

Rapunzel flat-out dropped the spatula, staining her dress with blue as a horrified expression crossed her face.

Eugene realized his mistake – or thought he did, anyway. "Sorry. That joke was a bit – yeah, no, there's no good excuse for that. That was just overboard."

"It's…it's okay," Rapunzel said hurriedly as she bent to pick up the spatula. "I mean, we are a couple, and couples do…things! So it's all good! I was just caught off guard!" She laughed nervously.

Stork turned his attention to the cupcakes, because even he knew that going into a tirade about how intercourse was an unsanitary affair and a good way to spread diseases was absolutely not the right move here.

Ruby popped one Thundercracker into her mouth as she prepared to crush the rest. Then Booster took one for his own mouth. Then Ruby took another, then Booster another…

"We should save some for the cupcakes," Booster said, not really making an effort to stop.

"You're right," Ruby said with a very full mouth.

They ended up needing another bag of candies.

"Mmmm-mmm!" Pleakley took the corn-muffin cupcakes from the oven. "These definitely smell ready for the barbecue sauce!"

"On it!" Sadira arrived with the bottle.

Then, at last, it was time to present. From Nani and Junko's corner, there came a host of tiny monsters with their faces done in icing and candy. Pinkie and Applejack presented pineapple cupcakes that had been severely drenched in icing and rainbow sprinkles (the same way the floor was). Rapunzel, Eugene, and Stork put forth their cupcakes with multicolored dough mingling and sweet berry icing on top – though Stork had talked them into letting him dye the icing black, and strangely, it made the rainbows look even more enticing. Ruby and Booster presented bright yellow cupcakes with extra Thundercracker pieces drizzled on top to match the sour, crackling surprise in the center. Pleakley and Sadira offered up lamb-stuffed corn muffins dripping with barbecue sauce and whipped with cheesy icing.

In the end, they couldn't declare a winner. Even Pleakley and Sadira's "wrong" cupcakes were well-made, and for what was essentially a corn-and-lamb pot pie, they were incredibly delicious. Still, they had tough competition in the tangy pineapple, the mild rainbow, the varied flavors of monster and the crackling Thunder.

The only thing they could really decide was that they had to do this again on another session.

...

Watts knew exactly where his quarry would hide. It was one of the many secrets they'd shared, together, once upon a time. A safehouse in Argus, an apartment hidden among many identical structures.

Under cover of night, Watts arrived to pay his old friend a visit. Of course, he had brought with him several new friends. Ed Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot, Russell Edgington, and Steve Newlin had all tagged along for the ride.

"Gotta say," Russell remarked outside the apartment door, "I'm livin' for this drama."

"I'm still not sure why we had to take the time for a personal errand," Ed grumbled.

"Look," Steve reminded him, "we all gotta tie up those loose ends. Get it out of our system."

"I, for one, am not going to complain," Oswald said. "The clout we'll gain from destroying one of this world's top military commanders will be sufficiently high, and the fact that they won't even know our names will throw this town into a disarray we can certainly take advantage of later."

"Hush," Watts told them all. "This is my moment now. I get center stage. You'll play your part when I tell you to."

He raised his fist to smartly rap upon the door three times. No answer.

"Russell," Watts said, "would you be a dear and get the door as any gentleman should?"

"It'd be my honor," Russell replied.

The door was ripped off its hinges. The apartment beyond was completely dark, the only illumination filtering in from the hall outside.

"Maybe he ain't home," Steve remarked.

"Maybe that's what he wants us to think," Ed muttered.

"Or maybe he's just in one of his…moods." Watts strode into the apartment, looking around. "You must truly be in a low place, to not even react to the first sign of enemy action."

There. Sitting in a chair, facing the wall. A human silhouette with broad shoulders.

"I see you," Watts said. "And I'm sure you're most surprised to see me."

A pause. So long that Watts wondered if perhaps he'd come too late and his quarry had ended it all before Watts could get the chance to do so. Then came a low, gruff rumble: "I didn't want to believe you'd come back. But after Atlas fell, I had no choice."

"There's the James I know," Watts remarked. "Well, to a point. Why don't you confirm it with your own eyes?"

The figure stood. Slowly turned. James Ironwood's expression was almost completely blank; he seemed utterly dead inside.

"Then you know," Watts said. "Who dropped your precious kingdom on the ground."

"Of course I knew," Ironwood grunted. "The invasion was a diversion. The whole time, it's been about you and me, hasn't it?"

"Don't get me wrong," Watts said. "I had nothing to do with the breach you fought. My contingent entered far more quietly and escaped your security system. What you dealt with was a pack of nuisances who lack subtlety. You know how it is…unsavory types tend to war with one another."

"So you came here to end it?" Ironwood said. "I'm the last piece. This is about how you were snubbed. How I turned your project down in favor of Pietro Polendina."

"You always were an intelligent man," Watts replied. "It's what I adored about you, once."

"I see," Ironwood responded. "Well, then. We might as well get this over with."

Russell and Steve bared their fangs. Oswald and Ed drew guns.

"Of course, I wouldn't simply end you without letting you have a dramatic last word," Watts informed Ironwood. "Make it good. You won't get a do-over."

"All right," Ironwood sighed. "I know exactly what I want to say." A long pause, and then, finally: "Thank you."

"Come again?" Watts raised a brow.

"I devoted my whole life to Atlas and its protection," Ironwood said. "I would've been ready to sacrifice all of Mantle and more just to keep it afloat. When you dropped it, I realized I had nothing left. But then it occurred to me: that city was all of me. I'd let myself become consumed by it. Without it – a kingdom full of people I hardly even knew – I was hollow. Without an identity. You helped me realize how wrong I was, this whole time. To give myself over to something that was never going to last. To show me that I never knew who I was."

"Well, that's adorable," Oswald remarked. "Anyway, goodnight!" He raised his gun high.

"Let's see if veterans really do taste SEASONED," Russell suggested.

But Watts firmly put up a hand; "Hold on a moment."

Four faces fell. Four people had wanted it to end in blood. They'd thought the fifth, their leader, had as well.

"Is this true, James?" Watts asked. "You feel…gratitude to me for destroying your very soul?"

"I shouldn't," Ironwood responded. "Maybe it's just the desperation talking."

"You say you would've sacrificed Mantle," Watts went on. "Is that not equal to the destruction of Atlas? Civilization for civilization. The only difference is you were attached to one out of blind loyalty."

Ironwood's gaze dropped. "I see that now."

"You're a cold-hearted man, James. More than I realized. This is why we fit so well together, isn't it?"

"Wait," Oswald realized. "Are we here just to taunt his ex?"

"So long as we get free dinner, I ain't gonna complain," Steve said.

"I know exactly where I went wrong," Ironwood said somberly. "I made two mistakes. One was throwing you away, letting you become this monster. The other was letting you get so close that we're in the situation we are now."

"And what situation is that exactly, James?" Watts asked.

Ironwood finally raised his gaze to meet Watts'. "Without Atlas, without the promise I swore, I have next to nothing. There's only one thing left I care about that even still exists, and as near as it is, it's further away than I can fathom. I shouldn't want it. But I see now it's all I have left. And maybe all I should have focused on."

"Is this going where I think it's going?" Watts asked.

Ironwood nodded. "Do me a mercy. Don't let me die at the hands of your henchmen. Kill me yourself. At least let me have that proximity to you in my last moments. Because you're the only thing that remains."

"Hmm." Watts took a step back, leaning on one hip, a finger tapping his chin. "You know…I'm beginning to rethink this whole arrangement."

"DON'T DO IT," Ed warned.

"Actually, do it," Russell encouraged. "Like I said. I'm here for the drama."

"Wouldn't you like another chance, James?" Watts asked. "Something else to swear your loyalty to and help protect? Something as arbitrary as the choice of a kingdom over a slum? Something that couldn't be destroyed, that would allow you to rise back to a position of honor?"

"What are you suggesting?" Ironwood asked.

"What ARE you suggesting?" Ed echoed.

"Certainly nothing moral," Watts told Ironwood. "You would be responsible for slaughter. Suffering. Horrific acts of violence."

"There's nothing more you could ask me to do that's worse than what I've already done," Ironwood said. "I saw the kingdom and the slum fall to the floodwaters. Under my watch. Because of a bridge I burned. If you're asking me to do worse…that's not even possible."

"So what you're saying is that you'll commit atrocities," Watts clarified, "any number of atrocities, in order to have a purpose again."

Ironwood took a while to answer. "Yes. I suppose I am. It's that, or the end."

"Then I propose a new chapter," Watts told him. "You join MY cause, this time. You do what you failed to do all those years ago and LISTEN to me. You keep me happy so I don't break any more of your toys. In return, you'll have a modicum of freedom, and, more importantly, a raison d'etre. Join me – join US – and find a home amongst the blackhearted. We intend to challenge the very gods and win. The gods who damned this world to its miserable half-existence in the first place. If you remain on good behavior, then you will have a place at my side. But under no circumstances will I allow you to ride my coattails without credit where it's due a second time. Are we clear?"

Ironwood didn't answer, this time.

"Either that," Watts said, "or I could grant your first wish and simply shoot you. It would bring me less pleasure to do so than initially thought, but it's completely doable."

"…Fine," Ironwood relented. "I'll walk beside you. Give me a reason to live. That's all I ask."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Ed yelled.

"With all due respect," Oswald said, "what the HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Acquiring resources," Watts replied.

"And gettin' some on the fly!" Russell said while beaming. "Proud of you, my friend! So proud of you!"

"Awww, it's kinda cute in a messed-up way!" Steve cooed.

"And if your boyfriend decides to betray us?" Oswald countered. "What are we supposed to do then?"

"What we were going to do when we initially arrived," Watts said. "Or do you think one simple cyborg can stand up to the might of every last Overtaker?"

"…He has a point," Ed realized.

"So that's it," Ironwood said. "It's come down to this. In the end, I would rather be your toy than dead."

"Is it all bad, though?" Watts asked.

"No," Ironwood admitted. "Like I said. You're all I have left." He was trembling, so slightly. "And even knowing what you did…that you caused this…the only refuge I have is the memories of you."

"You know," Watts said, "I think you do have a heart."

"Arthur." Ironwood's tone was pleading. "Please."

Watts knew what he was asking. He strode closer. "How I have missed this."

They sealed their alliance with a kiss.

...

Weiss had thought that maybe, if she could get away from Remnant, away from Atlas, she wouldn't have to think about it.

She'd been completely wrong.

Over and over, her childhood replayed. Faces and places and memories that were really only nostalgic because of her youth. Parks and theaters and school acquaintances, all of which were either broken or –

She'd been reticent to participate in Radiant Garden life. Ruby had managed to convince her to come out of her room for a round of a board game that was apparently popular here, and she'd enjoyed it, but after the party had broken up, she'd found herself desolate again. And maybe she'd been desolate even while pretending to care about collecting properties for the white token. Despite her earlier implications, she'd told Kazuichi that they'd be taking a rain check on anything intimate. And what had his response been?

"Hey, it's fine. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?"

Was she?

Now she was lying back on her bed, hands folded on her stomach, looking directly up to the ceiling. No lights on. Fully clothed, shoes and all.

Thinking about Winter and Whitley and Klein and thank the gods they were okay.

Thinking about everyone who wasn't.

A knock rapped at her door. She considered just ignoring it, but something at the back of her mind ("Just make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?") pushed her to at the very least answer "It's unlocked."

"Unlocked does not mean we can come in." That was Penny's voice. And…"we"?

Weiss sighed. "I'm not gonna stop you."

"CLOSE ENOUGH!" That voice was Ruby's, and then the door was flung open in a flurry of rose petals. Ruby hurried into the center of the room, clad in a long, loose red garment and a floppy beach hat. "Don't just lie there!" she urged. "You don't wanna miss it!"

Weiss groaned, looking back up to the ceiling as several other sets of footsteps were heard entering. "Miss what?"

A familiar voice saying "We're going to the beach, baby!" caused her to look again at the room. Kazuichi had been forced to carry several poles and a length of netting; he was clad in a ragged bathrobe.

"Please do not say no," Penny urged. The volleyball in her hand finally shed light on the paraphernalia Kazuichi had. She bore a baggy dress of green, quite plain in comparison to her usual clothing.

"I know this phase," Blake said. "You can't just hole up and worry. You need to at least talk to your friends about it." She was also wearing a long black garment, a loose dress.

"I don't wanna make you go out of your way," Weiss mumbled.

"Well, we decided to do this beach trip, and we'd be doing it even if you weren't sad, so we're not going out of our way," Ruby said earnestly.

"I don't even have anything to wear to the beach," Weiss protested.

"Got it covered!" Ruby flung a pair of white garments at Weiss. One of them landed on her face. "And don't worry. The boyfriend wasn't allowed to have a say in what we got."

"Yeah, I deserved as much," Kazuichi admitted. "Though, uh, not that I'm looking forward to seeing you in it or anything, but…"

Weiss sat up, gathering the bikini and taking a look. The fabric shimmered.

"Take this, too." Ruby handed Weiss a Garment Grid with a Dressphere installed. "It's a cover-up for the way there and back."

Well, now Weiss didn't really have an excuse not to go. And she did want to go. It just felt like there was a very large weight keeping her pinned to the bed from the inside.

She lingered just long enough that Penny asked, "Is now a good time for the kidnap protocol?"

"No!" Weiss spat, sliding out of bed. "I'll go, okay? Just get out of here so I can change!"

She practically singlehandedly threw Kazuichi, Ruby, Blake, and Penny out of the room, locking the door.

"You're thinking about her naked, aren't you?" Ruby asked.

"No," said Kazuichi.

"No," said Blake at the same time.

After a beat, Ruby turned to Blake and spat, "WHAT?"

Weiss emerged in a flowing white cover-up garment, and off they set.

"We have to take the train to get to the beach, right?" Weiss asked.

"Wrong beach," Ruby told her.

"What do you mean, 'Wrong beach'?" Weiss huffed.

It all made sense once Lyrae had blasted the five of them through interspace to reach one of the galaxies that Blake and Moana had scouted out earlier. They landed on a soft sandbar beneath sapphire skies as Blake explained, "Moana and I checked this one out on our run. It's actually not the best one for quiet reading – that one's the Bigmouth Galaxy – but I figured this would be a more fun place to pass the time."

Penny blinked. "That is the thirty-second time you have mentioned Moana since we agreed to this beach trip. Did you want to invite her?"

"No," Blake said, looking away. "It's fine. This is a Weiss trip. Moana and I can hang out later."

"You made a new friend?" Weiss probed.

"She likes stories and the ocean," Blake replied, fidgeting with her hair. "We've been doing some mild adventuring together. But seriously, this is your day."

"Get a load of THIS!" Ruby pointed at the vista before the quintet. The Sea Slide Galaxy consisted of a circular river of salt water that hung suspended in interspace, with small islets dotting it. Another small planet was visible in the center of the river's negative space – though "planet" might've been generous for what was essentially a sandy asteroid with some water. One of the islets on the river had a sizeable white fortress with turrets constructed on it while another sported a towering tree.

Ruby flung away her red cover-up garment, revealing a black one-piece swimsuit with her rose emblem stamped upon it. "So here's what I think," she said. "We have to race around the circle at least once. No, at least twice – once for Semblances-allowed and once for not. We also need to climb the huge tree. Don't ask why; we just need to. Then we'll need to set up the volleyball net somewhere, and I kinda like the looks of the castle."

"Who sits out to make even teams?" Blake asked.

"Silly Blake," Ruby replied. "We already have even teams. You, me, Kazuichi, and Weiss versus Penny all by herself."

"I am volleyball-ready!" Penny flung away her garment, revealing a copper-colored bikini that shimmered in the sunlight.

Blake also discarded her garment, wearing a one-piece swimsuit of pure black. Then Kazuichi dropped his bathrobe to reveal the infamous camouflage-patterned swim briefs, now offsetting the freshly refinished robot leg, and Weiss completely lost her train of thought, feeling a flush come over her entire body.

"You look – " She sputtered. "Nice. That's the word I'm looking for, I think." Her very pink cheeks suggested what she was actually thinking.

"Are you saying that to spare my feelings because it's dorky," Kazuichi asked, "or to save on embarrassment because it's sexy?"

Weiss just nodded, reddening.

Now Kazuichi was blushing as well. "H-hey…thanks…but you know, you won't be able to swim with that floaty white thing still on…"

"Right," Weiss said, a mischievous smirk reaching her lips. "I won't. I think I've kept you waiting long enough." She gave a dramatic pirouette as she flung her garment away, then made a motion like a grandiose curtsy once she was clad only in the bikini.

The look on Kazuichi's face was priceless. Weiss smirked. "You can go ahead and say it," she told him.

"Holy SHIT," he sputtered. "You – you're GORGEOUS – I – you're so HOT - "

Blake leaned over to Ruby. "I know this is Weiss day," she said, "but can I please make them cut the flirting short?"

"No," Ruby replied.

"Now that we are all dressed for swimming," Penny said, "I suggest we begin the race! Shall we use Semblances or not?"

"Wait," Kazuichi realized. "You're…you're waterproof, right?"

"Of course," Penny said. "So is your leg. Atlesian robotics are built to withstand heavy water submersion."

"Good." Kazuichi nodded. "Also…I'm not trying to be a creep here, but I seriously have a ton of questions about how you work…"

"I would be happy to answer!" Penny said with a grin.

"I thought you said he might ask to take her apart," Blake told Ruby.

"Well, he's very definitely monogamous now," Ruby replied. "I'm sure that's playing into it."

"Well?" Weiss put a hand on her hip. "Semblances or no Semblances?"

"I say we use them," Blake urged. "Which honestly is probably going to put me dead last, but it'll be fun to watch Ruby try and outgun Penny's jets."

"Try?" Ruby repeated mischievously.

"Yes," Penny told her. "Try. And fail. …That is how trash talk works, is it not?"

"You're doing great!" Ruby encouraged.

They lined up on the sandbar. Whoever made it back to that bar first would be crowned winner. "On your mark!" Penny called out. "Get ready! GO!"

They all hit the water with a splash. Ruby and Penny, of course, outpaced everyone else. Weiss didn't keep track after that. She was using a poised breaststroke to move through the deep water, feeling it on her skin, comparing and contrasting it to the heat of the sun above.

(Atlas was also underwater, right now. Her family home, horrible as it was, was underwater. Maybe she should be swimming to it instead.)

When she came up to the fortress islet, hopping up onto its ramparts for a breather, she realized that somewhere along the line, Kazuichi had outpaced her, too, because he was here. Talking to Ruby. Who definitely shouldn't have been this far back. And Penny. Who also shouldn't have been this far back.

"The cores power the limbs," Penny was explaining. "They can be separated, and as long as they are kept intact, I can be rebuilt. Though I'm not certain how far you can separate them before you would need to withdraw my father's Aura again, so I would rather not find out." She stopped, smiling at Weiss. "Salutations!"

"Um…Penny?" Weiss asked. "What are you doing? We were racing, remember?"

"I had, uh, robot questions," Kazuichi said.

"I also had robot questions," Ruby added.

"We must have gotten distracted!" Penny said in what sounded like a very automated tone.

Blake surfaced from behind, stepping up onto the platform. "Okay, what?"

"Wait!" Weiss scowled. "I see what you're doing! You guys are slowing down on purpose to let me win!"

This was met with a chorus of "Nooooo" and "No way!" and "Of course not!" and "That'd be stupid!" and "What do you take us for?" and "We would never!" and "Maybe" and "Okay, sorta?" and "How did you figure it out?"

Weiss let out a long, slow breath that hitched into a growl.

"It's just that I know you have a really powerful Semblance that can come close to beating Ruby and Penny," Kazuichi reminded her. "But you didn't wanna use it, so I figured you were still in a funk, and I signaled the girls to slow down."

"Just because it's my day doesn't mean I want you to let me win on purpose!" Weiss snapped.

"Were they supposed to let you lose on purpose, then?" Blake inquired. "Because that's what was happening. You weren't even trying. I should've been in the dust."

"…You know what?" Weiss realized. "You were right. I was still in a funk. And it's going to be a while before I'm completely okay. But I WASN'T trying. So for the rest of the race, I will. And I'll beat you. No more Ms. Nice Weiss."

"All right," Ruby told her. "But you better deliver."

"C'mon, Weiss!" Kazuichi encouraged. "I know you can kick my ass at least! Now show these other two what you're made of!"

She nodded. Then took off running for the edge of the fortress.

"The race is BACK ON!" Penny declared, taking off with her rocket feet. Beside her, Ruby manifested as a red blur, shooting off over the waters.

Weiss didn't dive, this time. She focused on the surface of the water ahead. Its surface rippled, and there, at her will, glowed a bright white glyph. When she leapt, her foot hit it, and she was propelled forth with a burst of speed that put her on Ruby and Penny's tails. Just before she came down, she conjured another, and for a brief moment, she'd burst right out in front of Ruby and Penny before they started catching up again.

In this way, she rounded the course not by swimming at all, but by running on water, using her glyphs to propel herself forward. In the end, it looked like it would be a close call, or perhaps even a three-way tie. No matter how many times she sprinted ahead, Ruby and Penny came flanking, and they were just around the large tree, meaning the sandbar was in sight.

All thoughts of Atlas were gone, for just a moment. All Weiss wanted to do was give her all for this competition. She recalled how, before Raven Branwen had taken her hostage, she'd defeated a horde of wasplike Lancer Grimm.

A Lancer made of white light ballooned beneath her, and she rode it as it sped ahead, carrying her to victory. Her steed vanished the moment she planted down on the sandbar; Ruby and Penny halted beside her but moments later.

"YES!" Ruby squealed, rushing to hug Weiss. "YOU DID IT!"

"I'm glad I did," Weiss replied. "That actually put things in perspective."

"Now we should wait for the slower ones to catch up!" Penny laughed.

And wait they did. By the time Kazuichi got to the sandbar, there was already a minor sand castle being built by Ruby, Penny, and Weiss. By the time Blake got there, Kazuichi had given it battlements.

"Okay," Blake panted. "So shadows are exactly as useless as I thought for this. But I'm ready to crush Penny at volleyball."

"Thankfully, you cannot hit the ball hard enough to crush me," Penny replied.

"She just means beat you," Kazuichi clarified.

"Beat me with the ball?" Penny asked, still confused. "That might hurt a normal person, but – "

"She wants to win, okay?" Weiss huffed.

They hopped over to the central planet to set up their net, finding out to their surprise that gravity held them there no matter where they stood, even on the bottom. Nor did it at all feel like they were upside-down, though the view of surrounding scenery said otherwise.

"Okay, we are so doing upside-down volleyball," Ruby declared.

The net was set up where the water was wading height, meaning the game would result in a lot of flashy splashing. As Blake, Ruby, Weiss, and Kazuichi arranged themselves on one side of the net, Penny gallivanted to the other, ball in hand.

"I look forward to our friendly competition!" Penny declared. "I will be the first to serve!"

"Okay, but are we serious about this?" Kazuichi asked. "I mean, I'd get if she had one partner versus the rest of us, but there's no way she's powerful enough to – "

With a sound like a thunderclap, the volleyball impacted the water between the four of them hard enough to cause a massive splash that also dislodged the sand beneath, splattering all four.

"That is one point for me!" Penny declared, doing a little victory skip.

Blake wrung out her hair, muttering, "I really need to cut this."

"Okaaaay," Kazuichi realized. "She's tough." He steeled his resolve. "But no match for the KazuWeiss Power Couple!"

"The what?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, I, uh – " Kazuichi flushed. "I was thinking of what our ship name would be if we were manga characters."

Ruby stuck out her tongue. "Boooo! Sounds boring! You guys need to be 'Soda on Ice' and not just because I thought of that name on the ride from Haven to Atlas."

"We weren't even DECIDED then," Weiss reminded her. "…But I do like it. Soda on Ice."

"Then that's us!" Kazuichi declared. "And we're gonna bring Penny DOWN with the help of our pals!"

Weiss braced for battle; "Let's do it!"

...

Because Gwendolyn's access to the warship was limited by her stature – something that would be remedied once the WHAM ARMY had ahold of a territory that had an outdoors to it – most of her social interactions came in the form of others staying over at her apartment. She'd put out invitations for a Girls' Night Slumber Party in hopes of attracting some company.

Then had realized that inviting the humanoid members of the WHAM ARMY was equivalent to a human having a slumber party with several bacon-wrapped shrimp. To avoid any accidental devourings, the event was reclassified as a Girls' Night Slumber Party and Pig Roast. Gwen could put away a whole pig by herself, so Wuya made sure to bring two, as well as a host of "accessory meats" in the form of chickens and ducks.

Gwen's stovetop was just the right size that one could hoist a spit over a burner and use said burner like a fire pit. So Melanie, Wuya, and Yzma roasted one pig and several birds over one burner while Tala, Irmaplotz, and Miltia took the other burner and Mim made hand puppets out of the pig heads over on the corner of the range.

Once everyone had a decent helping of roast pork slathered in hoisin sauce and five-spiced, they arranged before the extra-big-screen television with their dinner plates.

"Really, it's so nice of you girls to come pay me a visit," Gwen said sincerely.

"Not like we have anything better to do," Melanie said with her mouth full.

"Melanie, shush," Wuya scolded. "We're happy to be here. It's not often we ladies get time to do girly things without the men turning everything into a disaster."

"I'm Miltia," Melanie said flatly.

"It is very refreshing to engage in more female-oriented activities," Tala agreed. "After all, as handsome as our men are, they couldn't keep up with our taste in cinema."

The title screen for the first film in a bloody slasher horror series splayed across the enormous screen, and everyone cheered.

"Nothing like a good chick flick," Wuya sighed as she leaned back into Yzma's chest and nuzzled.

The first kill occurred, and Mim decried it as amateur work. Later kills met her standard a little more. Tala spent most of her time hoping a particular character who reminded her of Lex Luthor would be next to die, and vocally declaring her death wish for him. Melanie took it upon herself to roll her eyes harder at each jumpscare while Miltia tried to hide her visible cringing. Gwen was made hungry by the bloodbath and had to go back for extra roast pork. Yzma couldn't stop criticizing the necessary stupid decisions made by the protagonists in order for the filmmakers to drive up body count, as it would've been far more interesting to show a killer talented enough to get to you even when you did everything right. She also bemoaned the lack of poison in any of the murder scenes. Irmaplotz decided right away she shipped the slasher with his second victim, which set Miltia into a casual rage and prompted a debate between the two of them that Yzma had to put a stop to by threatening to throw them both out. The credits rolled, and Mim declared that it had been a very heartwarming film overall that moved her to tears of joy.

"Can we, like, move to the makeover stuff?" Melanie asked. "I need a recharge before the sequel."

They sat in a circle in the living room with a sea of nail-polish bottles between them. The Malachites almost cracked a hint of a smile when they realized they could work together to paint Gwen's dinner-plate-sized nails like little canvases, with flourishes and details.

"All right, the obligatory question," Wuya said. "Who was your first kiss?"

"Bold of you to assume I remember," Yzma replied.

"Valid," Wuya told her. "Mine was one of the first apprentices my father ever recruited and also one of the first apprentices my father ever killed after a week of disappointment."

"And we wonder where she gets it from," Tala teased. "What were they like?"

"Edgy," Wuya said. "An emo boy a thousand years before emo boys were supposed to exist. A 'takes his coffee black like his soul' type, but all talk, no walk. Probably dodged a bullet when my father threw him from the topmost tower."

"I'll say," Yzma agreed. "I've had my taste of more than one of those. They always manage to ruin the mood at the worst possible time."

"Oh, he was such a sweet boy," Gwen reminisced. "He made fun of how large I was compared to him, and he laughed when I cried about it."

"That's…that's not sweet," Irmaplotz pointed out.

"I think it is," Mim broke in.

"Oh! I should've clarified," Gwen said. "He made me so angry, I ate him. He TASTED sweet. Like a gumdrop."

"I wish I could vore stupid boys," Melanie grunted. "Anyway, mine was a girl I met in a club when I was super drunk. Really tasty cherry chapstick. And that's how I found out I'm bi."

"Kissed a guy to distract him from my friends breaking into his dorm and raiding it for blackmail material," Miltia said. "Didn't regret it."

"Mordru, Lord of Chaos." Tala blushed, raising her shoulders and clasping her hands. "He taught me a few useful spells and a few new ways to use my tongue."

"Merlin," Mim huffed. "For the purpose of annoying him. It worked."

"He who must not be named," Irmaplotz grumbled.

"What," Yzma asked, "Dave the Barbarian?"

"I JUST SAID HE MUST NOT BE NAMED!" Irmaplotz insisted.

There was a sudden loud CRACK, and Drake Stone and Draco Malfoy arrived in the middle of the circle. The expression on Draco's face read that he either hadn't wanted to come on this journey or hadn't wanted so many people that he in fact did want to.

"Ah, there you are," Drake said to Wuya. "Out of silver nail polish. The stuff that shimmers."

"How is that my problem?" Wuya responded, brushing an iridescent black onto her nails that gleamed a prism in the changing light.

"Well, you're painting nails right now," Drake pointed out as Draco turned almost beet-red and tried to avoid meeting anyone's gaze. "Can we sit in?"

"Rule number one," Irmaplotz insisted. "No boys at a girls' night."

"Ah," Drake replied. "Well. That's an easy fix."

Draco's eyes widened. "Drake Stone, don't you DARE – "

There was a flash. Drake and Draco now appeared as much curvier in figure, with cascading blonde manes of hair, their edited bodies clothed in dresses with long and flowing skirts.

"There," Drake said. "Are we in?"

"Uhhh, no," Miltia said. "You're still guys even if you have the lady parts. So get out."

"THANK YOU!" Draco spat in a voice that was now much higher than usual. "YOU GET IT!"

"I dunno, Miltia," Melanie countered. "That's totally true, but also, this brings up how much we're gonna gatekeep Girls' Night against people who ARE presenting as girls."

"…Thank you?" Draco wasn't sure how to react to that one. "That's…also a good point."

"I say we let them in," Mim decided. "Rules were meant to be broken either way." She was proving her point by painting the carpet rather than her nails.

"I agree," Gwen said, "but on one condition." She chuckled. "They have to pay the truth tax. We have to hear about THEIR first kisses."

"I can agree to that," Yzma said. "All right, sit down."

Wuya passed the silver nail polish over to Drake, who set it aside as he conjured a nail file from nowhere and used it to go to work on the hands of a silent and quite embarrassed Draco (who really couldn't pretend anymore that he hadn't agreed to this). "You know," she said to Draco, "no offense, but I didn't take a proud Slytherin pureblood to be Mr. Trans-Rights."

"I wasn't," Draco muttered. "Not at first. But I had my mind changed. A friend."

"Ohhhh?" Irmaplotz asked.

Draco weighed the options. On one hand, he'd promised never to out her. On the other, he had no plans to introduce her to the WHAM ARMY, ever. "…She was the only one who understood when I…needed somebody to talk to most," Draco admitted. "I found her after I'd been given the assassination assignment. She listened to me, so I listened to her. They always used to tell her that she couldn't use the girls' room, due to how she was born. They teased her and bullied her, and I've got nothing against a bully, of course, but not when it came to her. It's horribly ironic, though, about the girls' room, because that's where she went to reassure herself after they'd been particularly rotten, and then…well…that's where she died."

"Oh," Irmaplotz said with wide eyes.

"Downer ending," Melanie remarked.

"No," Draco corrected. "That was before I knew her. She was a ghost."

"An Aghoul situation!" Mim chirped.

"Frustrating at that," Draco grumbled. "The thing what killed her, I wanted to use to set the school back in line. Makes me all the angrier that it wasn't ME in charge of it in the end. I would've used it to put the fear into the actual nuisances, like Potter. Not the one friend I had who I could talk to about things like Death Eaters and assassination. Dead people tend to have a morbid streak, you kn – "

"WE KNOW," Wuya and Yzma groaned in unison.

"Right," Draco realized. "Of course you do. The point is, if a person listens to you ranting about your power plays and how much you do or don't want to do them, then I'd say they should be spared!"

"We all have that one weird hero friend," Irmaplotz agreed.

"No we don't," Mim countered.

"This girl doesn't sound very 'heroic' to me," Yzma remarked. "More of a sympathetic neutral."

"Okay, but, like, what does this have to do with the kiss?" Melanie urged. "Was she the kiss?"

"NO!" Draco spat. "She was permanently twelve! Little sister at best! No, first kiss was Pansy Parkinson because she wouldn't leave me alone and I wanted her to bloody shut up."

"In the whole tsundere way," Drake asked, "or did you actually hate her?"

"I'm not a sun-whatever-it-was!" Draco whined. "For the last time! When I say I hate people, I hate them! And right now, you're on that list, Stone!"

"He's aware of how he's undermining his own point, right?" Yzma asked as Drake began to paint swaths of venomous green on Draco's nails.

"Anyway, my story's rather funny," Drake said with a grin. "Had this best friend in school. He and I'd both never been kissed by a girl, so we agreed to kiss each other in front of everyone else just to get people talking. No publicity's bad publicity, after all. It sure got people's attention, all right. Wasn't until a few years later I figured out that wasn't the only reason I'd brought the idea up." He wheezed a laugh that the trained ear would realize was forced. "Turns out I'd had it quite badly for him and NEVER any of the girls, except the funny part is it turned out he was straight, and he thought that was disgusting and he never spoke to me again and I think he's married now. Anyhow, that's the story."

"That wasn't funny," Draco grumbled. "That was depressing."

"You're one of those 'hides his pain with fake positivity' people, aren't you?" Miltia asked.

"No," Drake replied. "Don't know what you're talking about. Anyways, is that hoisin sauce I smell…?"

...

After spending several hours cheering up at the Sea Slide Galaxy, Weiss had made the decision to return to her room. Only this time, she'd invited Kazuichi along.

She was ready to make good on that rain check.

Her nightstand held essentials – contraceptives, lubrication, purchased discreetly at the Radiant Garden market but moments before. One of the rainbow cupcakes with strawberry icing, in case it was an aphrodisiac after all. Lights were mood-settingly low, but still bright enough for both interested parties to see one another in full detail.

Which led to Kazuichi and Weiss rather awkwardly staring at each other while sitting on the edge of the same bed.

Weiss cleared her throat. "So, first of all. Rules."

"Rules?"

"Don't get me wrong," Weiss said. "I think your sharp teeth are adorable. That said, I don't want them anywhere near my…" She gestured.

"Oh." Kazuichi nervously tousled his own hair. "Yeah, I can see that. Anything else?"

"Safewords. I know we're not doing anything really risky, but…"

"Oh, yeah!" Kazuichi's eyes lit up. "See, I was thinking about that earlier. We should have a code for when to stop and when to keep going. So I was thinking that to stop, one of us would mention brakes, like, 'hit the brakes,' and the other would quit. But if you wanted to keep going or go harder, you'd say, like, 'hit the gas,' and – why are you laughing?"

"Because you're a dork," Weiss said. "Which is exactly why we're doing this. I like it, anyway. Brakes for stop, gas for go."

"Sweet! Anything else?"

"You haven't given me any rules," Weiss pointed out.

"Don't think I have any," Kazuichi replied. "Maybe I'll get some after a few times, but for now, just…anything's cool."

"All right." Weiss nodded. And then it was back to awkward staring.

"Why was this so much easier at Terra and Saph's place?" Kazuichi blurted.

"Because we didn't have enough time to psyche ourselves out then," Weiss said flatly.

"You're still in, though?"

"Yes. You?"

"Oh, you KNOW it." Kazuichi thought it over. "It's just…I'm kinda nervous, y'know? The last time I did this – yeah, wasn't great." (He needed to absolutely not think about Junko Enoshima. That was a sure way to ruin all this.) "I want this to be perfect, but it's like, how do I even do that?"

"That's…kind of how I'm feeling," Weiss admitted. "I haven't gotten to do this in a LONG time."

"You…worried it might not be everything it's cracked up to be?"

"A little." Weiss smiled. "But…we won't really know until we try, will we?"

"Right," Kazuichi agreed. "So, like…I've got an idea. What if we just kinda start stripping? That's gotta get us somewhere, right?"

"Better than just sitting here," Weiss said.

She shrugged off her half-jacket, and he undid the top half of the zipper of his jumpsuit, letting the fabric flop behind him like a cape as the pants remained on for the moment. Then Weiss reached up to the pin in her hair, and Kazuichi suddenly said, "Hey, can I?"

Weiss was taken aback. "Yes," she said softly. "…Please."

So Kazuichi reached over to undo the pin, spilling Weiss' hair down over the comforter she sat on. He ran his fingers through it; "You have such beautiful hair, Weiss. It's white as snow and so smooth and soft, and it's just like a big pillow, and it smells so good, too – "

She leaned forward and suddenly pecked his lips. Then stayed where she was so he could lean back into her, lips locking against lips. And once that was initiated, hands started moving, tentatively yet actively.

He started out with a hand at her chest, and she'd expected that. The sensation was getting a different part of her riled up, however, and in a display of confidence that surprised even Weiss herself, she seized one of Kazuichi's wrists to move his hand down between her thighs.

She ended up lying back, him moving atop her. Briefly, they paused, eyes locking.

"Kazuichi?" Weiss said softly.

"Yeah, Weiss?"

She smiled. "Floor it."

...

A small, sleek Gummi ship just big enough for the six passengers inside careened toward the floating fortress: a bastion of thick stone and brick in the midst of interspace itself.

The ship was actually only a five-seater, since supposedly, Watts hadn't intended to actually bring Ironwood along. Oswald had tried to get Ironwood relegated to sitting in the aisle, and somehow, this had resulted in Oswald being confined to the aisle instead.

"Ah, yes," Watts remarked as he pulled the ship alongside the main gate. "Here we are. The Galaxy Reactor. Or Galaxy Generator. Really, he's meshed together the Generator and the Reactor for round three, so we've got double the work cut out for us."

"Give me a fly-by view," Ed demanded. "I want to see what I'm working with."

The ship scooted around the fortress. It was tightly walled, but some gaps allowed Ed to see the obstacles that awaited on the interior. A telltale burst of red caught his attention.

"He's using lava as a main defense," Ed noted. "My initial idea still holds. Somewhere in that fortress is a gate to the Reactor. We deploy the vampires as foot soldiers, you two get to that gate, then send us the coordinates via headset so we know where to break through."

"Sounds simple enough," Russell remarked. "Which means it probably won't be, but I won't say no to a challenge."

"I think this is gonna be fun!" Steve remarked with a grin.

Watts steered the ship close to the nearest battlement. "Approaching dropoff point."

Steve and Russell were deposited on the ledge, where they could see a route inside. Even more lava awaited them.

"Doctor," Russell said into his headset. "I believe we had a particular arrangement about this part."

Watts let out a long, low sigh before relenting. "Very well."

The ship had an external speaker, and a loud one at that. With a few keystrokes, Watts soon had that speaker blasting a grungy seventies guitar followed by a distinct synth riff.

"May I have this dance?" Russell extended his hand.

"Oh, darling," Steve gasped, "always!"

Their hands linked, and they took off at blinding speed, entering the fiery stronghold as a thumping beat outside the fortress wall backed a singer begging for some hot stuff, baby, this evening.

The keeper of the fortress had arranged lava in almost every possible way to make a defense. Pools, geysers, lakes bridged by erratically-moving platforms, sprays like a yard sprinkler. Vampiric strength and dexterity kept Russell and Steve moving on light feet, leaping from safety point to safety point as they bopped to the thrumming beat still audible (if muffled) from the ship.

Eventually, they came to a wide lake of bubbling red, one that couldn't be crossed by simply leaping to the next safe spot. "Phooey," Steve grumbled. "Looks like you're goin' this part alone."

"Not if I have anythin' to say about it," Russell replied, giving Steve a coy look.

Before Steve could finish asking "What are you – ", Russell had swept him up into a bridal carry, leaping into the air and taking flight. Steve could only look at him with an utterly dumbstruck smile.

Shortly after the landing, they came to a massive gate – suspended in the air, obviously a portal into a pocket dimension. It was held with giant chains that were quite easily ripped away by a pair of vampires – vampires who decided to get a little silly, dancing with the chains like feather boas, shimmying with them draped over shoulders and around waists. Then, on the last chorus, the chains were raised high, whipped around at blinding speed, and hurled into the nearest wall, blasting through and creating a large egress.

"We're here," Russell declared into his headset. "You'd best catch up."

Ed smiled at a screen upon which Russell and Steve's locations were marked with blinking lights. "Coordinates locked."

In came the ship, and they passed through the gate – Russell and Steve on foot, the ship still steering.

On the other side, the pocket dimension was a lot less cohesive. Mechanical and glass plateaus studded the interspace area, lining the way toward a rather large star.

Russell and Steve recoiled immediately, both hissing. They hopped back to the other side of the gate, with Russell demanding, "The HELL?"

"Is there a problem?" Watts asked.

"Yeah, there's a fuckin' problem!" Russell growled. "You see that big glowy thing in the center of it?"

"The star, yes," Watts said. "It generates the power for the reactor's mechanisms."

"That star could ALSO power a whole goddamn solar system," Russell growled.

"Yes?" Watts replied. "And?"

"And what exactly do we CALL a star that can power a whole goddamn solar system?" Russell snarled.

Watts understood, then. "Damn. I didn't think I would need to account for supernatural technicalities."

"What's wrong?" Ironwood asked.

"Vampires, you know," Watts replied. "As in the old legends, they can't be anywhere near the sun." He gestured toward the star at the reactor's core. "THAT is a sun, and we still need someone to run the last obstacle stretch to it in order to give the ship landing coordinates that avoid dragging us through any of the death traps."

"Well, if I may," Oswald reminded the group, "we do have a certain guest along for the ride who still needs to prove his loyalty. Of course, for him, it would be more of a canary-in-a-coal-mine situation."

"I'm right here," Ironwood grumbled. "But I'll do it. You just need someone to run the obstacles and tell you where I end up, right?"

"That is the idea," Ed said. He passed Ironwood a small device; "This tracker will tell me where you are. So don't get any funny ideas. To have to backtrack for someone more loyal to run the course would be an inconvenience, but not a complete sabotage."

"I'm not planning on running away," Ironwood reminded him. "I have nowhere to run to, if you recall. If you have a problem with what I'm delivering, then you can terminate me."

"Please don't do so prematurely," Watts said. "It would upset me greatly, and I think we all know what would come of that."

"We already know you dropped an entire kingdom on a slum the last time you got upset," Ed said with a nod.

"Well, at the very least, I can put an end to THIS." Watts slammed a button, and "Hot Stuff" ceased playing. "Very well, James. Let's see if you're still as spry as I remember."

The landing point was a broken ledge of stone, walls extending in a perpendicular direction from it. Blue beams of energy adjusted the gravity, sweeping in a searchlight pattern, offering a moving spot for a person to glue their feet to the vertical wall – but no safety if one left the beam.

"All right," Ironwood said as he glared up at it. "The next step."

He leapt into the nearest beam, keeping pace with it perfectly to run along the wall. Shooting jets of flame threatened to impede his progress; he leapt and sidestepped every one, ascending until a new beam brought him to another small satellite made of boiling lava. Tiny platforms offered stepping stones.

Ironwood gracefully hopped across, then leapt from wall to wall to ascend a shaft of crystal that built itself from the atmosphere only as he proceeded through it. He barreled through a tunnel of lava (or perhaps this was magma, given that it was inside of something), ducking crushing stones and bounding across bridge platforms and shooting down the tiny kappa-like creatures and sentient mushrooms that threatened to push him into the burning end.

(Was this what he'd been training for all along, after all? It felt so natural.)

And then he stood on the threshold to the throne. Before proceeding, he radioed in; "Come to my location. And be careful."

The ship arrived, and now Watts, Oswald, and Ed descended onto the checkered walkway. "Just so you know," Ed reminded them all, "this next part was ALSO for the vampires."

"I welcome the challenge," Ironwood said, and he took the lead, walking briskly down the aisle.

"I see what you see in him," Oswald told a smirking Watts. "Truly, I do. However, he is overstepping his bounds by leading the charge."

"What," Watts mocked, "can't keep up?" He turned to stride after Ironwood.

"THAT IS – " Oswald sputtered. "Ed, keep my pace!"

At the end of the walkway, there rested a circular stone dais, with the glowing sun in the background. At the far end of it, on a massive throne, sat the tyrant who'd built this complex: a thickset, bipedal and dragonlike creature, his back bearing a turtle shell studded with menacing spines. He threw back his jaws, baring his fangs to laugh as he saw the four tiny humans approaching.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asked in a gruff tone.

Ironwood and Watts stopped before him without a word. They waited for Oswald and Ed to catch up, and when they'd done so, Oswald took the place he'd wanted at the head of the group. "Bowser, is it?" he greeted.

"King Bowser," Bowser corrected. "No…Nemesis King Bowser!"

"That's nice," Oswald replied. "We have come as emissaries of Ganondorf, who I understand was a business partner of yours in the past."

"HAH!" Bowser pounded the arm of his throne. "That partnership sank like a stone after that winged glow stick showed up and hijacked our plan! But with this new Reactor, I'll be able to take over all galaxies at long last! And I DON'T intend to share!"

"That's the thing," Oswald said with a mischievous grin. "Ganondorf doesn't intend to share, either."

Ironwood took the lead again. "We're taking your Reactor," he stated coldly, drawing his weapon. "No arguments."

"Then how about we FIGHT for it?" Bowser leapt off his throne, landing so hard on the dais that it shook. He gave a feral roar as he towered over Ironwood.

Ironwood's mettle kicked in. His brow furrowed. "I'm glad you suggested it."

Bowser ran at him, and Ironwood immediately targeted his soft spots, ramming limb after limb and then his firearm into the Koopa's gut. Roaring once more, Bowser opened his jaws wide – Watts and Ed had dragged Oswald back into the safety of the walkway. Bowser belched orbs of pure flame out over the dais, and Ironwood dodged each one by a hair, powering through to make a high leap and bring the butt of his gun down on Bowser's head. With a disgruntled roar, Bowser tucked into a ball, all spines like a mace, and set about rolling hard and fast with the intent to crush his prey.

Ironwood's Aura crackled. He caught Bowser by two spines, pushing him back. Yes, this – this was what he had been meant to do! All the Grimm he'd fought and lost to, the scars on his psyche – and here he was winning! Perhaps he'd wasted too much time trying to play hero.

That thought gave him the strength to lift Bowser up by the spines he gripped.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Bowser yelled, uncurling.

Ironwood heaved him into the air. Then fired a single shot at the spiny shell, blasting Bowser out of the orbit of his little planet – and into the orbit of the blazing-hot sun.

"NOOOOOOO!" The Koopa king bellowed as he braced for his end to come. Then, much to the dismay of Ironwood and his audience, it didn't. An airship shaped like a pirate galleon, or a toy version of one, blasted past, its pilot hooking Bowser by the hand and throwing him on deck.

"GET US OUT OF HERE!" Bowser bellowed at the ship's driver – a tinier version of himself. His son, in fact.

"Righty-o, Dad!" Bowser Jr. chirped, taking the ship away as fast as he could.

Ironwood was ready to launch into the atmosphere, to chase them while using his own gun as a propulsion force, but Watts got to him first, putting a hand on his shoulder to force him to stay in place. "We've got what we came for," Watts assured him. "And you did very well. I daresay this is your true calling."

Ironwood allowed his hackles to come down just a bit. "I was starting to think the same. Blasphemous as it is."

Watts' other hand on his other shoulder. "If he comes back, he's all yours. For now, the facility is ours. And oh, the things we'll do with it that he could never even have dreamed of."

Ironwood gave a snort. "You know we usually do this the other way around."

"Quite." Watts let go, walking around front of Ironwood, and on instinct, Ironwood did reach out to grasp Watts by the shoulders, holding them gently as Watts surveyed his new territory.

Oswald and Ed caught up. "We've taken the fortress," Ed said. "Now could you do what I've been asking since the beginning of this trip and tell me why you need it?"

"The Galaxy Reactor is a unique mechanism by which we can produce marvels the Forbidden Mountain would never allow with its limited capabilities," Watts explained. "I intend to use the combustion of this sun to build some…useful devices that I've been tipped off to. With several improvements, of course."

"So in other words," Oswald realized, "you just needed a bigger mad scientist lab."

"And what is so wrong with that?" Watts teased.

"I'm…" Ironwood faltered. His tone grew hushed, serious: "I'm looking forward to seeing you at work again."

"Well, if you react to it anywhere close to how I reacted to seeing you throw that boor into the sun," Watts responded, leaning back into Ironwood's touch, "then I daresay we'll have a very good time indeed."

Just outside the borders of what had been Bowser's galactic stronghold, Bowser Jr.'s ship had crashed into a small moon, emitting columns of thick black smoke and essentially trapping both father and son there. "NOW how are we supposed to achieve galactic domination?" Bowser growled.

"Pardon me, sir!" a jaunty, gravelly voice came from behind him. "Maybe I can be of some help with that!"

"Huh?" Bowser and Bowser Jr. turned to see a lanky figure with quite an unusual head, bouncing up and down to an unheard swing beat.

"Name's King Dice," King Dice greeted. "No need to introduce yourselves; I already know who you are. My boss's got a special interest in the two of you."

"Hey, Dad!" Bowser Jr. chirped. "I'm pretty sure this is one of those guys that's been working with Mirage and the nightmare people!"

"Oh, no, no, no, you got me all wrong!" King Dice said. "That's just my side hustle! A good way to keep my snake eyes on things from all six sides! I'm talkin' about my REAL boss. The fella who shares your taste for power."

"Real boss?" Bowser repeated. "I'd like to meet this 'real boss' and see if he's all you're cracking him up to be!"

"Then right this way, gentlemen!" King Dice gestured to a shuttle parked not too far away on the isolated moon.

A shuttle branded with the logo of Lexcorp.