Chapter 149 – Second Impressions

Phoenix P.O.V

The sky towards the west was turning vibrant reds, yellows and oranges as another day ended. The waves rolled gently to shore and a light breeze stirred the leaves in the trees between the beach and the Med Bay. The stars began to shimmer in the rapidly darkening dome above me and I sighed out loud as a sense of contentment and happiness flowed over me. There was just one thing missing.

/Optimus/.

He had been in and out of meetings all day. I sighed out loud. In fact, he was in one now in the training hanger, apparently getting feedback from Jazz and Ironhide as to how his team, and especially Sunstreaker, were adapting to being back here. I cast a quick glance back in the direction of the training hanger, tempted to head over just so I could be with him. /No – he made it clear it was a routine meeting and he would come and find me later tonight/.

I stretched my legs out before me and placed my arms behind me, propping myself up. I sighed out loud yet again, frustration beginning to eat away at my sense of contentment. This past fortnight Prime had worked tirelessly to repair and reconnect Autobot and human relations between the various branches of the US Government and military, especially those here on Diego Garcia. I felt guilty having to leave the work to him, but he insisted I continue to rest for now. Besides, he wasn't entirely on his own.

Lennox had worked alongside Prime to help re-establish a sense of trust and commitment here on base and to liaise with Morshower and the JCS during the numerous meetings following Beijing. The first few days had been tense around here, or so I had heard as I had been recovering from my repairs. The Autobots and the human allies they had once fought side by side with, had to adapt to being around each other again. However, according to Lennox, the jitters wore off after a few days and things had returned to normal. Well, as normal as can be expected in a secret naval and military base in the Indian Ocean that played home to giant, transforming aliens from another planet.

A smile flashed across my face as I recalled seeing Lennox again for the first time in what seemed a lifetime. He had called by the Med Bay the day after Optimus and I had reconnected. Having not been aware he was here; I was somewhat shocked to hear his voice yell out as I laid on my gurney.

''I hear you took on a ship and the ship won.''

I had snapped my helm in his direction, and despite his tease, I smiled brightly at him, sitting up. ''LENNOX! Where did you come from?''

He had smiled up at me as he came to stand on the specially built raised platform to the side of the room. ''Heya Phoenix! Long time no see. I had a few hours to kill between meetings so I thought I might come and see if you were still in the land of the living.''

I smiled brightly at him as I sat forward on my gurney and raised my servos in the air, gesturing to myself. 'Well, as you can see, I am still alive and kicking.'' I very gently tapped my helm. ''No brain damage to report.''

He sniggered, ''Apart from what was there previously you mean?''

I narrowed my optics at him, but a crooked smile spread across my dermas. ''Well, you would be the one to be able to identify a debilitating mental condition when you saw one. Ya know, being not quite right in the head yourself!''

He laughed out loud. ''Ha! I must be to willingly come and seek your company! Either that or just bored senseless with endless meetings.''

I shrugged my shoulders. ''A bit of column A a bit of column B….''

He shook his head as he leant on the rail. ''Fair enough Phoenix. Well, as fun as this has been, some of us have work to do. I had best be getting back to Hanger 1. I guess you could say I have to ''bow out.'' He sent me a stupid grin hoping I would get the pathetic ship pun he had just thrown me.

I groaned. ''Fuck sake Lennnox! Perhaps you're the one who should be in here medicated, that was God awful. I can see you are out of practice with the insults and anything resembling an intelligent come back. And to think, you once showed such promise. Pity really.''

He snorted at me. ''Good to see you too Phoenix.'' He gave me a smile. ''Though I may likely retract this statement in a few days, I have missed you and I'm glad you're back.'' He nodded at me and turned to leave, giving a quick wave as he shouted out, ''I'll see ya round – like a rissole!''

I gave a small laugh out loud as I sat on cool earth and reflected on how my life had changed – for the better. Not that long ago I called a desolate, barren, cold island in Siberia home. I was all alone, and I had thought I would likely never get the chance to be back home with my family and the one I loved ever again. I lightly raked my digits through the cold sand. I did not think I would ever get to sit on my beach again under my stars and yet – here I was. /Miracles can happen/.

My sensors suddenly became aware of someone approaching. They seemed to pause as they broke through the tree line, as if debating whether to continue on their path. /Speaking of miracles/.

After a moment's hesitation, the pink and white femme with a pretty face and a small smile on her dermas came to stand beside me, placing her servos on her hips. ''I thought you may have headed to recharge for the evening Phoenix. I can leave if you like.''

I shook my helm and smiled brightly up at her. ''Not at all Elita. You are welcome to stay,'' I added belatedly, ''only if you want to that is.'' Following our initial, tense introduction and brief interaction, I had not really seen her as I had been recovering from my injury and she had been kept busy helping the Autobots settle back in. A small flame of jealousy flickered to life at the thought of her and Prime spending so much time together, but I quickly extinguished it. /Do not be so petty and insecure Phoenix – he chose you/.

Her small smile broadened as she nodded her helm and gracefully folded her knees beneath her, sitting down off to my left. I had sat up, my relaxed posture giving way to a more formal and somewhat guarded position. One mirrored by Elita. Though we had seemed to accept each other's presence and existence, and there was mutual respect for each other's abilities, there was an awkward tension between us as we continued to size each other up and determine exactly how we felt about the other.

For a moment neither of us spoke as we simply digested the fact the moment had finally arrived. The moment where we could actually talk. No hostility, no battle raging around us – or even so much within us. But just talk and perhaps clear the air. Maybe even connect. The silence stretched out a moment longer before I started to speak…

''Nice night..''

''What a lovely spot..''

We both stopped mid-sentence and turned to look at each other, faces frozen in indecision. All at once I laughed. After a spark beat, Elita followed suit. Some of the tension seemed to evaporate. I shook my helm. ''Well, that was almost awkward.''

Elita's laugh died down. ''Almost. And yes, it is a nice night.''

I smiled before I cast my optics skyward. ''And it is a lovely spot. It's been my favourite place on this island since I first arrived here with the Autobots.'' A small part of me tensed again. ''I love to come here and just look at my stars and have some time out.''

Beside me, Elita nodded and looked up to the night sky. ''I can see why you would be drawn to this place. It is – peaceful. And the stars,'' she sighed softly, ''they really are quite pretty. It is nice to be able to stop and notice them.''

I nodded in agreement, ''Yeah. Optimus and I would….'' I stopped myself short, closing my optics as I silently berated myself for so quickly bringing up the major issue between us. My spark sank.

The silence returned for a moment before Elita's voice spoke again. While there was surprisingly no anger, a sense of regret and sadness tinged her words as she finished my sentence for me. ''Sit out here for hours together, looking at the stars.'' She turned her helm towards me, and I ducked my helm momentarily at the veiled accusation and the pain that briefly flickered in her optics.

I nodded my helm slowly before I raised my optics to look at her again. ''Yes Elita, when we had the chance to, we did. I'm sorry.''

She gave a small, sad smile. ''You know, I never really got to spend time like that with Optimus, at least not as Elita.'' Her smile faded. ''I am sure you know I have not always been Elita One, that I was once a femme named Ariel and Optimus was a mech by the designation Orion Pax?''

I nodded my helm and gave a small smile of my own. ''Yes Elita. Both Jazz and Optimus have told me that.''

She looked out towards the darkening waters. A distant look on her face. ''Things were much simpler in those days, brighter, happier.'' She gave a small scoff. ''I did not have the responsibilities of being leader of the Autobot femmes, and all that entailed, seemingly thrust upon my shoulder struts overnight.'' She turned to face me. ''And likewise, Optimus did not carry the fate of his race upon his shoulders and the burden of saving a dying planet. We were just two young bots in love.'' Elita drew her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms about them. It was as if she was seeking comfort from herself. ''We had talked about a future together, made plans.'' She gave a bitter laugh. ''Plans that disappeared and faded from our sight as the war erupted and countless lives, including our own, were torn apart and destroyed.''

I wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but I was unsure if I should. /Stuff it!/. I tentatively placed a servo on her right arm. ''Elita, I am so sorry for everything. Truly I am.''

She turned her face, her optics staring blankly at my servo upon her arm. Her voice held a hard edge to it as she spoke again. ''My loss is your gain, why should you be sorry?''

Undeterred I left my servo where it was. I knew this was the remnants of unresolved anger and pain rearing their ugly helm. I recognised it from my own battles. ''Elita I AM sorry for all you and Optimus have gone through. For the way your lives were so cruelly torn apart and the love, the bond you had for and between each other, was damaged by distance, time and eventually, by your apparent death.'' She flinched at my last comment and removed her arm from my servo.

My own voice had taken on a slightly harder edge to it too. ''I do not know all that Optimus has told you about us, but here is my side. Yes, I was drawn to Optimus from the moment I met him. I felt a connection of sorts with him, and I wanted to get to know him. But he had put so many damn walls up around himself – kept himself at a very long arm's length – from everyone around him - because of you!''

She narrowed her optics as she stared at me. I continued undaunted. ''It took me over a year to begin to break some of those walls down and get him to let me in as a friend offering comfort. And that is what we were Elita. First and foremost, we were good, very dear friends who found common ground in losing someone we loved very much.''

Elita's gaze softened, and she had the chagrin to look sorry. ''Optimus did tell me what happened to your huma… to Chase.'' I felt my own spark ache at the memory of the man I had loved as OC. ''I bet you miss him.'' Her voice was soft.

I nodded, ''I do. Very much. A part of me always will. But it was not meant to be. It took me a while to accept that and deal with his loss, but Optimus helped me. He was there for me and we grew closer together – we healed together. And we fell in love.''''

Elita flinched slightly before she nodded and made a small sound. ''Yeah. I had someone help me realise that perhaps, while I loved Prime, I was not in love with him. While at first, I angrily denied the thought, in time, while I worried about Prime's safety and regretted how we parted, I came to realise it to be true. They helped me see that perhaps what we thought to be love was more an expectation.''

I raised an optical ridge at her comment. ''Wow. That is insightful. Who helped you come to that realisation?''

Elita smirked at me. ''Ironhide.''

My optics widened in shock for a moment before I shook my helm and smiled. ''Good old Ironhide hey. Ya know, for someone who prefers to let his fists do the talking and comes across as somewhat standoffish, he is a deep thinker and has a spark of gold.''

Elita laughed at my description of Ironhide. ''That sounds about right Phoenix.'' Her smile faded and she lowered her helm. ''He was the one who also tried to reassure me when I felt as though Optimus no longer cared for me now that you were in his life, that he did, and he always would.'' She kept her helm lowered, seeming to be embarrassed by her admission.

I chanced placing a servo on her arm again. She didn't remove it. ''Oh Elita! Prime loved you. He mourned you deeply and though you are both on different paths now, he will always care for you and you will always be in his spark, make no mistake about that.'' I squeezed her arm. ''I think Prime's spark is big enough to care for the both of us, don't you?''

She turned her helm to look at me and gave me a small smile and nodded her helm, ''That is kind of you to say Phoenix. Especially after the way I reacted when we first met.''

I chuckled at the recollection. ''It was nothing less than I expected to be honest. In fact, I thought you were rather restrained. I half expected you to kick my arse!''

It was her turn to laugh then. ''Don't you mean ''try to kick your arse?'' I watched you become the Phoenix. I'm kind of glad I didn't.''

I flashed her a huge smile and removed my servo, stretching my pedes out in front of me. I had relaxed slightly. ''Anyway Elita, as long as you know Optimus and I truly thought you had died or there is no way we would have happened. You know Prime Elita. Just as well, if not better than I do, and you know he is nothing if not loyal.''

She slowly nodded her helm and seemed to become – uneasy. Looking away from me. She ev-vented. ''Phoenix. There is something I need to tell you about what happened between…''

I gave her a crooked smile. ''I know you kissed him. Well, he kissed you to be accurate.''

She snapped her helm to me; her dermas open in shock – both at my admission to knowing and the seeming matter of fact way in which I acknowledged it. ''How do you know? And how are you okay with it?''

''He told me Elita. Two weeks ago, when we first got to speak to each other after I awoke in the Med Bay. No secrets between us. Despite an initial upset, I am okay with it Elita because that is why I left!'' I smiled at her. ''As I said to you. I AM truly sorry for what happened between you both. I know how much Prime loved you and I wanted to give you both the chance to pick up where you left off. To give you back what you had taken from you.''

I looked out across the waters. ''I know one of the things I was angry at the most about Chase's death was the fact I was robbed of the chance of a life with him.'' I turned back to face Elita. She was staring intently at me, studying me. ''I had the opportunity to perhaps prevent Optimus – and you – from feeling what I felt. I didn't want him to experience what I did because…'' I paused as I let the thought sink in. ''Elita, I love Optimus. With all my spark I love him, and I wanted him to be happy. That is all I have ever wanted. For him to be happy – because his happiness makes mine complete.''

I had said my piece. I awaited her response. If any.

For a moment all she did was stare at me. It was a similar felling to Optimus in the way he seems to stare right through you, into you. Slowly, a smile spread across her dermas and she reached out and placed a servo on my arm. ''Phoenix. There is something else you should know.''

I raised an optic ridge and braced myself. ''Which is?''

''After Prime and I had our talk and cleared up our misunderstanding, I told him I would decide whether you were worthy of his spark. He told me he expected nothing less but that I would ''not be disappointed.''

I shifted uncomfortably on the spot. /What else do I have to say to this femme!/.

She gave me a massive smile. ''Phoenix, I can see why Optimus fell in love with you and I am grateful he found someone like you to support and love him the way he deserves.'' She paused a moment and gave my arm a squeeze. ''I could not have borne losing him to anyone less worthy.''

I did not know what to say.

While I had hoped to somehow, eventually, make peace with Elita and come to some sort of understanding, to have her speak to me in such a way caught me off guard and was profoundly humbling. My dermas slowly began to work. ''Elita.. I… I.. thank you.'' I smiled brightly at her, covering her servo in my own, squeezing it back in thankful recognition and appreciation. ''You have no idea how much your words mean to me. How honoured I am for you to say such a thing.''

She smiled back at me and gave a small laugh before she removed her servo and sat with her pedes stretched out in front of her, causally propping herself up. ''You have no idea how hard, and yet how easy that was for me to say.''

I mirrored her posture, and I gave a chuckle. ''Oh, I think I understand. But I thank you all the same.''

There was a comfortable silence between us this time as we both sat under the stars, lost in our own thoughts. After a moment, I heard her speak once again. Her voice held a mischievous tone to it. ''Phoenix?''

''Yes Elita?''

''Did you really call Optimus Prime a… bloody idiot?''

I burst into laughter. ''Absolutely! Though in my defence, he deserved it!''

''I'll bet he did Phoenix. I'll bet he did.''