Illusion is Reality
Chapter 150
-Don't be puzzled-
I sat at a small table, sipping my tea. I gave Time Baby my terms for this meeting. If he really wanted to talk, and negotiate for me to actually give a fuck about what he wants, he would meet me here, wearing the vessel I made for him.
And as Linda suggested, I didn't come alone.
My friends were all seated at the other tables at this outdoor cafe on the edge of the Cincrito Belt. The sight of the stat a and nebulas in the sky was breathtaking, really. Soft string music played from the live band and all in all, the ambience of the place was calm and relaxing. Which was the point. I needed everything I could get to keep my cool. A waiter-bot floated over, extending a robotic arm with a pot of tea. [A refill, za'am?] he asked.
"Thank you, I would love a refill. And another two sugar-drops please." I gave him a polite smile. The bot poured me some more Napple-spice tea and two condensed glucose pellets. I brought the cup up to my mouth and sipped. Yum~
"Is he actually gonna show?" Kryptos grumbled, flipping through the menu to see what he might want. To be honest, most of them weren't all that hungry since I made food for them before going to pester Time Baby, but Pyronica was ordering tiny little sandwiches. So small, so fancy. I placed my cup back down. "Well… he would have to show if he wants what he wants from me." I placed my hand down on my table. Correction, on my dad.
Yes. I had retrieved Ax from my afterlife (that sounded weird once I put the thought into words….) and he was slurping down some yum-worms. Nice of this Cafe to have food for pets. I tried not to think about the blasphemy of Ax as my pet. Too weird.
"Why are you even considering giving him what he wants?" Pyronica huffed, taking a huge bite of her meat sandwich. I sighed. "Well, if he wants me to rampage again, and I do want to rampage again, then I might as well get something outta him for it."
"Just tell him he can't make you do his dirty work anymore."
"Dad already talked to him about that." I was in my William form, dressed in a cute little maid dress with a long skirt and puffy sleeves. "Kinda surprised he did…" I glanced down at Ax. He laid there with a blank look on his face. I frowned. "You need a more expressive vessel." I told him before poking his head, modifying the facial muscles somewhat so the vessel would be able to contort and move in a more elastic way..
Ax blinked. His face wiggled and he opened and closed his mouth. Then...
(o ‿ o)
I snorted. "Yeah. You can make expressions aside from bland disgruntlement and sleepiness now. You're welcome."
( ° o ° )
"Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?" I pet dad's head as he went through a bunch of other expressions, testing them out.
(◔ _ ◔) Ax looked up at me. I shrugged. "I dunno. I think it's cool you can actually express stuff now."
There was a sound like air being compressed. And then Time Baby was there. And to my surprise, he was wearing the vessel I'd made for him. Wow. Dude must really have been desperate.
Especially since the vessel I made for him, which was much like the other time we hung out, a human sized baby, was dressed in a maid outfit. In fact, we were all in maid outfits. Even dad.
Time Baby glowered at me, but went shock still at the sight of Ax. He stared incredulously for a few seconds before floating over and sitting at the empty chair at my table. I pushed a plate of Fuwa-Millue at him. "Here, it's creamy and sweet, I think you'd like it."
Just 'cause I didn't like him, didn't mean I was going to deprive him of a chance to try out something delicious. I ate like… three of these damn things already. Real good. It was like a custard filling with crispy wafer-like layers sandwiching it together and some guzo berries. They looked like currants, but the flavor was closer to something between cherry and blueberries. It was an interesting taste. Damn, I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed going out to restaurants or cafes and trying out new dishes...
Time Baby looked like he wanted to refuse the pastry (probably wanted to keep this professional or something) but his gaze kept going back down to it. "WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE AXOLOTL HERE AS WELL?" He asked me, while staring at the pastry.
"Well, if we were alone, there's a much higher chance of me losing my temper at you and that would make negotiations real~ difficult." I sipped my tea. Mm~ if I had to describe this taste… it was like nectar and basil?
I put down my teacup. "So… negotiations. You…" I paused. "Wait, before that, we need to clear something up." I shifted, brushing my skirt down and turning to give Time Baby my full attention. "I want an apology." I said.
He stared. "FOR WHAT?"
My eye twitched. "For all the mean things you've said to me over the years. All the times you've criticized me for doing something chaotic and calling me 'evil' just for existing and doing the things I want to do."
He blinked. "BUT YOU ARE."
"And you're the one who wants me to DO that kinda stuff again."
"YES."
I growled and dad placed a tiny hand on mine. I tried to calm down. I sipped some more tea. Once I was calm enough that I wasn't going to scream at him, I put my cup down and faced Time Baby again. "Well, that really hurt my feelings. And I'd like an apology."
Time Baby looked utterly confused. "YOU'RE SERIOUS?"
"Very!" I glared. "It hurt my feelings, and if you want me to actually help you with anything, you need to at the VERY LEAST apologize and never say things like that to me again."
"IS THIS REALLY THAT IMPORTANT? THE CONTINUED DEVELOPMENT OF THE MULTIVERSE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FEELINGS-"
"Daaaaaad!" I whined. "He's-" I pointed at Time Baby. "-still being mean!"
Ax turned to face Time Baby.
(눈_눈)
"WHAT? IS AN APOLOGY REALLY THAT IMPORTANT?"
(ب_ب) Ax nodded.
Time Baby whined but he muttered, "I AM SORRY."
I was glaring at him with a narrowed eye, but finally I nodded. "I guess I can't expect anything better than that." It was fine. This much was enough for me. I picked up a cookie and crunched on it. "So, I guess we can actually discuss this now."
"I NEED YOU TO DO… WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU DO THAT MAKES PEOPLE DO STUFF."
I, and my friends, all stared at him. "...you have no fucking clue what I do, do you?"
"I KNOW IT IS DISRUPTIVE TO THE PROPER FUNCTIONING OF ORDER, YET… FOR SOME REASON… IT… WORKS?"
I nibbled on another cookie and gave Time Baby a bored look. "Ah huh? Well, you want me to start doin' it again?"
"I WILL TELL YOU WHERE I WANT THINGS TO-"
"Nope. I ain't working for you." I folded one leg over the other, leaning back in my chair. "It wouldn't be genuine if I did. Nor would it be fun."
Time Baby made a frustrated noise, "THIS ISN'T ABOUT FUN! IT'S ABOUT GETTING WORK DONE-"
I laughed in his face. "I told you!" I leaned right into his personal space, leering at him, "You have no fucking clue what I do. You don't know how I do what I do. You've never cared. So shut the fuck up. You want me to do my thing? You don't get to tell me where, when or how I do it." I narrowed my eye at him. "And frankly, you don't even get a say in any of that. I leave your shit alone, you leave my shit alone. And yeah, I tend to interrupt your work, but I've never gone around fucking with the time stream in any major way. So you don't get to tell me how to do my thing."
"...YOU'VE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW I DO MY THING BEFORE."
I rolled my eye. "Well, yeah? I think the way you do shit is incredibly inefficient and messy." I shrugged. "But it's your job. It ain't my responsibility." And I don't fucking want it to be. I know how to set up an auto-matic Time pillar now, to pop up if anything happened to Time Baby. I wouldn't have to be the one to hold everything together anymore if it came down to it. But that's simply making sure Time doesn't fall apart. The rest of his job… the manipulation of Fate? I had no idea how to even get anywhere close to figuring that out.
For one thing, I didn't want to dictate everyone's Fate for them. Sure, I wanted 'canon' to happen, so that Dipper and Mabel and everyone else would be born, but that doesn't mean I would know how to go about doing that. I didn't want to touch anything, for fear of fucking it all up.
Essentially… Fate was laid out like some complex dominos with dead ends or intersections. But like if the dominos were all on moving platforms that could bring them to another section, to then knock down the pieces there. And I only had the one eye. Even with my Sight being able to See all at the same time, I couldn't focus enough to be able to See where and when every piece would fall. It wasn't my skill. It wasn't my pillar. It wasn't my purpose. Even when I used the Time sight that Time Baby forcibly gave me, I just… couldn't do it. It was so messy and confusing. So there was no way I'd be able to take over his job, even if I complained about how he went about doing it.
"And even if I hate the way you do stuff, I don't go around telling you that you should stop." I had to look away, I couldn't stand looking at his stupid face. "Or calling you 'evil' for doing it."
"WHY WOULD YOU? I AM NOT EVIL. I AM ORDER."
I made another frustrated sound because Time Baby just didn't get it. He never did. I rubbed my temples, trying to stave off a headache. "Nevermind. You apologized, even if you don't really get it, that's… good enough for me. Anyway, I'm not gonna do what you tell me. If I wanna mess with people, I will. And if I don't, then I won't." I shoved another cookie in my mouth. "Ssho leave me alone." I swallowed. "I'm gonna do what I want. Though, I suppose getting your 'blessing' to go ahead with doing what I do is nice."
Time Baby didn't look all that happy about this. "WHY WON'T YOU JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU?"
"Because fuck you."
The waiter-bot hovered back over. [Any problems za'am? Sir?] He addressed both me and Time Baby. I gave him a smile. "No problems. Just a talk." I pushed the empty plate over, having eaten all the cookies. "Can I please have some more cookies?"
[Of course.] He took the plate and hovered away.
I turned back to Time Baby. "Look, I'm not gonna be your attack dog to be sent out when you tell me to. I don't work for you. And clearly, I know better how to do my thing than you do."
"THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE IT IN THE PAST SEVERAL-"
I twitched. "Because I don't know what I-" I paused. I didn't know what I was allowed to do that would mean I wasn't a monster. But if I told him that… wouldn't he just laugh at me? What am I even supposed to say? Oh, this guy called me a monster and hurt my feelings, so now I don't know what I wanna do with myself? Oh, the way he pointed it out to me made me realize that if my human family knew even half the shit I did, they might not forgive me just because 'oh, it's dangerous in space, self defense and killing to survive is fine'? I didn't only kill in self defense. And I messed with a lot of people. And I liked it. But it was a bad thing. And I was ok with being a villain, but not being evil. I've never wanted to be straight up evil.
And Time Baby always called me evil before, but I didn't… let it get to me that bad. Then Blue's Stanford pretty much all but called me evil, he certainly thought I was. And then I managed to piss off Lee as well and-
...and I didn't want to be evil. I thought I wasn't, but I didn't know anymore. And that Stanford even all but told me that the things I did were bad because I was the one doing them. Something Time Baby had told me before but I hadn't listened to him because that sounded stupid. Rescuing an innocent from a bad situation was a good deed, but apparently the fact that I was the one to do it made it 'wrong'. And I hated how unsettled that made me feel. It couldn't be true, but why did it hurt so bad when he said it?
And I had my children to think of as well. Pyrone and Pynelope were Cyclopian, there was a certain level of 'being ok' with me doing terrible things because they grew up here, in space, with all the bullshit that happens out here. Same went with Quackers and Ammy. Out here… even if I was violent or awful, it was just… a baseline that everyone outside of a pacifist world had to match in order to survive. (Though wasn't that also an issue in and of itself?) But the octuplets were half human, and living on a version of Earth that was at once both safer and more dangerous than space.
And I worried about being able to raise them to be good people. I know Quackers and the others turned out fine, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. Did I raise them right? That… maybe? Maybe not? I don't know anymore.
I suppose… part of the reason I was feeling this way began from Blue's Stanford pointing out things about myself I wasn't proud of, but it just… compounded over time and got worse. Until everything inside me felt all tangled up and uncomfortable. (I felt like I was going to fall apart.)
I didn't want to be a monster.
I wanted to be more attentive of what other people wanted, and respecting those wants. But doing so would mean I couldn't mess with people.
But I had to- needed to mess with people. I had to destroy things. I had to- I closed my eye, burying my face in my hands. Even Time Baby was admitting that he wanted me to do it. My Friends missed going out and messing with people. I missed going out and messing with people.
I… I already got Time Baby to stop threatening me with my friend's freedoms, by asking for Ax to step in. I didn't have to take Time Baby's Deals anymore. My friends were all patiently being on good behavior so as not to cause trouble that I would need to use Favors with Time Baby to get them out of. But that wasn't an issue anymore. (At least it shouldn't be?) And they wanted to go out and have large scale Fun with me again.
And I wanted to do it too.
And I was stuck on the idea of how it was wrong to do so, because using my powers was 'wrong' for getting things done. So I thought to use Tech instead. And that sidestepped the issue but it didn't fix anything. And now Time Baby wanted me to mess with people again and it was all so stupid and frustrating and I just felt so angry and-
"Bill." Pyronica's voice cut through my thoughts. "The whole place is shaking."
I looked up and noticed the way the table rattled. The whole restaurant was vibrating, as if there was some kind of earthquake going on. I forced myself to calm down. The rattling stopped. I sighed. When did I get so messed up? I used to at least know what I wanted. But trying to do what I thought others wanted- respecting other's wants and wishes and such was so-
I wanted to have fun and waste time while I waited for 'canon' to begin.
Because I had a role to play.
And then… I would be killed by my Zodiac.
That was the end goal. That was what I was trying to get to. But I can't do that anymore. No neat little ending where I died and everyone lived happily ever after.
I knew now that a happily ever after doesn't… really exist. Not when other people were all still alive and living their lives with all the ups and downs that came with it. And there were people who would miss me when I was gone.
I loved my friends. And I had still been planning to die. How horrible was that? It would have hurt them. And I had been ok with that, because I figured they would get over it. Get over me.
Then I met Blue. And I realized he would never get over me. But he was also-
I hurt his feelings, I'm pretty sure I did. I hurt a lot of people's feelings over in Blue's set. And they hurt me back. And it was all messed up and so many things were left unfinished and unsaid and all of that was frustrating as hell. Half the reason I was so stuck on this and on Blue was because it was unfinished. There was no closure. He just… left, while we were supposed to be going shopping together, but I couldn't get in. And he hasn't responded to any of my messages. And I just-
"Bill!"
I gasped, feeling Pyronica take my hand. She squeezed. I also felt Teeth patting my back. "You're leaking." Teeth said as he patted me. I looked down to see that even in William's form, my bricks were bleeding black sludge. I mimed a few deep breaths.
"Ok Bill, whatever the hell you're thinking about, take a break. Don't keep thinking about this right now." Pyronica told me. I shuddered, feeling some of my 'blood' writhe and bubble until a little Nightmare dropped to the table. It's face split open as it screamed before I flicked my fingers and teleported it into the Nightmare Realm. "...sorry…" I muttered, turning orange at how embarrassing this all was.
Time Baby stared at me. "THAT'S DISGUSTING." He grimaced.
I bristled. "Says the guy who still shits himself." I squeezed Pyronica's hand. "Look, we talked. You apologized, and now you just need to agree to not touch my friends. That's all we needed to settle. I'm done here." I was just so irritated. Damn, I thought I had calmed down, but I was just upset all over again. "I don't work for you, and you won't fuck with me if I do choose to mess with people from now on. My friends are off limits, you can't use them against me. Agree to these terms if you want your precious multiverse to actually progress."
Time Baby was staring at my chest, where I could feel more blood still oozing out from the cracks. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU DYING?" That got me worried looks from everyone else.
"I'm fine." I grit my teeth and stood up. "Come on guys. Let's go. He hasn't agreed yet but damn at least I know I'll be able to withhold services..." I threw down a few Credit chips. Along with a tip, though I didn't need to. They paid the workers fully, so tips were just a bonus for service. Still, I liked supporting the workers. I scooped up Ax as I went. He was making longing looks at the yum-worm snacks he was eating, so I turned some napkins into a take out box for them. Seriously, dad's been acting so weird since I started taking him out of the Space Between Spaces to do stuff.
I Blinked everyone home and placed dad on a table with his snacks before I walked over to the couch, William's form crumbling away into my normal triangular self and I flopped down onto the cushions. I fisted my hands into the pillow and snarled.
"Bill? You ok?" Keyhole came over to pat my back. "You're ah… still leaking?"
"Fuck." I sat up and wiped at my bricks. Xanthar laid his head against my side. I was pushed against the back of the couch. "Ack! Xanthar! You're squishing meeeee!"
"Are you sick?" Hectorgon asked, making everyone even more worried.
"I'm fine." I insisted. I placed a hand on my bricks. It seemed my bricks cracked. It… didn't even hurt. I felt kind of numb. "I'm just… breaking." The worry spiked. "It's ok!" I waved my hands. "I can heal it! I justneedadistraction-"
"Get the healing foam." Hectorgon told 8-Ball, who nodded and rushed off to tap at one of the wall screens. I groaned. "I swear I'm fine. It just… happens sometimes."
"Yeah, when you hit yourself, sure. But not when you're just… sitting there. Thinking about whatever you're thinking of." Pyronica frowned. "Would telling us what you were thinking, make this worse?"
"I dunno." I glanced up when 8-Ball came back over, shaking the can and pointing the opening at me before spraying the healing foam over my cracked bricks. It was cold, and I flinched. "I think it's just stress."
"..." Pyronica and Teeth glanced at each other. They didn't say anything, but they gave each other a look and Teeth nodded before turning and grabbing Kryptos's hand. He also made a 'follow me' gesture at Hectorgon and Ammy. I frowned. What? Pyronica placed a hand on me and clicked her tongue. "Ok. You gotta sit here."
"Huh?"
"Bill," Pyronica kneeled down so she wasn't towering over me. "Are you dying?"
"No." I shifted, feeling the healing foam bubble along my bricks. I wasn't sure if it was going to work on me, considering it kept mixing with my blood and getting turned into more Nightmares. I focused, to turn them into something else instead. Bleeding out pure chaos and primordial sludge is so annoying sometimes. The Nightmares writhed and shriveled until they went poof and became a stuffed animal. There. Now it's cute.
"Bill… can you die?" Shit, they were actually scared for me. "I don't… really know." I muttered. I glanced over at dad, half buried in the take out box. "Dad set up my Zodiac to be able to destroy me. But they can also bring me back."
"And do you want them to destroy you?" Pyronica narrowed her eye at me.
"...It was sort of something I was… maybe looking forward to?" I wiggled.
Pyronica groaned, "Of course you would." She pouted. "Well, you better not still think that." I looked away and she let out another groan. "Dammit Bill."
"Um… Bill, that is… kinda fucked up." 8-Ball was cuddling with Toobie in his lap. "You shouldn't be looking forward to getting killed."
...the way he said that, so honestly and frankly… I let out a little snort. "I know that." I slapped away Pyronica's finger when she tried to poke me. "I know it's fucked up. I'm fucked up." I paused. "It's why I need psychiatric help."
"...do you wanna talk about it?" 8-Ball's eyes rolled around in his skull as he tilted his head at me. I huffed. "Not really." What would I even say? I thought I should follow the story I watched years ago, about how my life was supposed to play out?
"Why do you want to die anyway? I still don't get that." Keyhole climbed onto the couch beside me. I pulled my legs up and hugged them. "There are a lot of reasons. I kinda cycle through them depending on my mood." I closed my eye, feeling exhausted.
"Well." Pyronica clapped her hands. "Tell us those reasons so we can tell you why they're not good reasons."
"You're gonna try and convince me?"
"Yeah." She didn't seem angry, which lifted my spirits somewhat. It was easier when people weren't mad at me. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I hated this feeling. I used to just… not care. Because I didn't care about most people. I wrote them off if they were mean to me. But I decided to try and care what other people want. And it was driving me crazy.
This was definitely a sort of proof that I wasn't a good person- (Something about all this felt wrong, like I knew it wasn't true but also that it was entirely true-) because if I can't be nice to everyone and respect everyone's wants and stuff, I shouldn't be allowed near anyone-
"Heeey~" I heard Teeth call out. "What do you think?" I look over and burst out laughing.
Teeth grinned back, in a maid outfit. Kryptos was wearing one I'd made for him ages ago. Hectorgon just had the headpiece and a skirt. Ammy had rearranged his blocks to fit into one of mine. Hectorgon shifted in place. "I can't believe you had these lying around in our size…"
"Not actually in your size, you don't fit any of them." Teeth nudged Hectorgon with an elbow. "So Bill~ what do you think~?"
"Ehehehehee!" I waved at them. "You're all adorable!" They were trying to cheer me up in whatever way they knew how. It did help a little, but it wasn't gonna fix my issues. But it didn't make me feel worse either, so I considered that a win.
Pyronica poked at the crack along my front. "Can't you heal yourself?" She asked. I twitched. "Er… this is…" A crack along my energy Self that was being translated through into my physical vessel. It wasn't something I could just heal by knitting my bricks back together. I would have to emotionally heal to fix this. Or knit my energy self back together manually. Or seal it up from within my Mindscape. Plug in the cracks with other parts of myself worked too. Long story short, this was mental trauma made physical. Kinda neat, actually. If it weren't so messed up.
"How'd you even get hurt? You were just… Sitting there…"
"I was thinking about something that hurt my feelings." I mumbled.
"Time Baby?" ("Hang on, are we just gonna ignore the fact that Bill's feelings being hurt translates to actual physical wounds?")
"It wasn't specifically Time Baby that time." I might not like the guy, but I wasn't gonna have him blamed for something that he actually didn't do this time."
"Then what were you thinking about?"
I looked away. Oh nothing, just wondering if I had somehow pissed off my big brother to the point that he didn't let me visit him anymore. "Something I've been stuck on for a while. It… always hurt, but I guess I reached my limit when I thought about it too hard. It's fine. I can't stay upset forever all the time."
"So… you just… started thinking about something that hurt your feelings badly enough that you started bleeding…" Kryptos said slowly. "When you were fine, so long as you weren't thinking about it?"
"I like being distracted." I evaded. "Guys, please don't make a big deal of… this." I poked at my bricks. "Drawing more attention to it's just gonna make me think about it more and then get more cracked."
I didn't want to think about this. Maybe with Linda… but even then, I didn't really want to tell her either. And frankly, as much as I indulged in pretending to be fine, enveloping myself in love for Fordsie and my children, it was just a distraction. Just me trying to fill the voids inside me that were gouged out ages ago. Even before Blue, he was just the straw.
And I felt bad.
I felt bad about how I couldn't just… be happy. But do I even deserve to be happy? Something inside me just felt wrong. Like I shouldn't be allowed to do what I want, because what I wanted was wrong. On some level, I knew this wasn't entirely true, but part of me wanted to suffer and wallow in self misery, feeling sorry about myself. Because I was pathetic. "I'm going to heal. Please, please just… ignore this for now. I don't want to…"
Pyronica glared, "Promise me something first."
"...what sort of thing?" I was a little apprehensive.
"You don't up and fucking abandon us again just 'cause you feel like shit and can't handle yourself."
A brief stab of guilt.
"I…"
"Pyrone died." Pyronica said simply. "And you left."
I couldn't look at her. "...I did."
"You left and you sank yourself into a new family, living as one of them, limiting yourself to their standards and distracting yourself away from what happened to the point that you can't even-" Pyronica's fire burned brighter and hotter as she went, until everyone else backed up and it was just her, staring me down.
"And that was fine, while you were there, in their world, playing by their rules." She snapped. "But here? This-" She fumed. "You're stuck." She burned. "And I can't help but think that you're going to break under all that pressure. And then you're going to leave again. So, promise me you won't do that. Don't you fucking DARE do that!"
I was cowering, couldn't help it. Her words hurt. Not in the way that dealt true damage, but it was painful. Because she was right. I selfishly left her and everyone else to grieve Pyrone all alone while I had fun playing house with Seb's family. (I loved my human family, but it was 'playing', I was playing a role there. I loved them, but I also limited myself because I wanted them to treat me a certain way- was that horrible of me?)
"...I…." She was right, of course. I couldn't, shouldn't, have left them just because I didn't want to confront things here.
Pyronica softened a little, sitting down and giving me a tired look. "Bill, I understand if you need a distraction to make yourself feel better. But when that distraction takes over your life and makes you not act like yourself anymore, or makes you run away from us, that's fucked up. You know that, right?"
"I know." I flexed my fingers, "I… I won't leave you guys again. I'm sorry."
"It's not something I want you sorry for. Don't be sorry! If you get hurt and fucked up, don't be sorry for it! Just come back to us. You say you won't leave us again, but you just admitted that you were planning to let your Zodiac kill you."
I winced. "I mean… there's a high chance that I'll be brought back, considering what I've seen from Blue and Seb and-"
"But you don't know that for sure." Pyronica stressed. "And fuck you for making me have to be the one to worry about this, because fuck that." She raised a hand and pointed at Hectorgon, cowering behind a table. "Hec, you take over. I'm not gonna be doing the mushy feely shit talk here." She flicked her hair back and flopped down on the couch, right beside me. I blinked at her before moving my eye over to Hectorgon. "Um…"
"What Pyronica is trying to say is that aside from the 'going away to live with other people for a very long time because you don't want to come home' thing, she also doesn't want you to be killed off in a way you can't come back from on your own." Hectorgon said patiently. "Now, before we were sidetracked, we were going to talk about reasons why you want to die, and why those are bad ideas."
"Stupid ideas." Pyronica huffed, folding her arms over her chest.
"Cowardly ideas." Ammy added. "Since a lot of them are merely a result of fear of eventual pain and rejection. Which, while a possibility, is still not something that is definite."
Everyone stared. Keyhole looked between Ammy and me. "So… you want to die… Because you're afraid that someday we won't want you anymore?" He asked slowly.
"Being unwanted is merely one of those many reasons that mother has." Ammy said helpfully.
Wow. When did my son learn to read me so well? Then again, he's been the one with me over on Seb's side, staring and watching and observing me constantly. Actually, he's always observing me. I didn't have an issue with that since I liked the fact that he had found an interest to catch his attention. Though his conspiracy board had taken over most of his room by this point...
"Bill, we're not going to stop being your friend. We had a Deal after all. But even without it, we're still friends." Hectorgon patted my side. I made a soft whine. Ammy tilted his 'head' block. Pyronica was also staring at me. "That's… not what Bill's worried about." She said slowly. She sat up straighter, narrowing her eye at me. "Bill, it's not us rejecting you that you're afraid of…"
I made a quiet rumbling noise.
"If this is about your human family…"
I made a frustrated sound. "Can we just not talk about this? I- I can handle this myself." I stretched out my hands and grabbed the rafters, pulling myself up and away from them. I could have floated, or Blinked away, but I felt like doing something physical. I was feeling restless and irritated again. Pyronica jumped and sat down on another rafter near me. "...have you considered… not caring what they think?" she asked. "You've never cared about what people think of you before."
"I'm trying to care more. Be better." I mumbled.
"You're making yourself miserable and stressed is what you're doing."
"Yeah, that too." I leaned against the rafter. Oh. It's starting to get dusty up here. I need to clean it. I flicked my fingers and condensed all the dust into a little ball, which I considered for a bit before I sent it off to the nearest Federation police station. (Where it proceeded to explode and send dust flying everywhere.) I felt a little better.
"Stop doing something that stupid." Pyronica sighed. "What's even the point of making yourself miserable?"
"Builds character, or something." I climbed above the rafters, to the secret trap doors all across the ceiling.
"That's a stupid reason and you know it!" I heard Pyronica call out before I closed the door behind me.
I huddled in the space between the livingroom and the next floor up. "Why am I like this?"
Everything in my head felt all scrambled and messed up. I wanted- I wanted to do something calm and simple. Where I didn't have to think.
I sheepishly opened the trapdoor again and called out to everyone, "I need to feed my kids. I'm not leaving you all, I'm just going to take care of my kids and-"
"It's fine." Keyhole called up to me. "We get it. Go take care of your kids. We'll be here when you get back."
...what did I do to be blessed with these guys?
I made to close the trapdoor but I heard Pyronica's voice. "Running away is fine, as long as you come back. I'll allow that much, you bitch." I hesitated. I shook. I flung the trapdoor open and leaped out to collide with Pyronica's chest. I wrapped my arms around her. "I'm going to come back! I promise! I will!" I felt her place a hand on my back. "I-it might take a while sometimes! B-but I will come back!"
"Yeah, yeah. You'd better. 'Cause the next time you leave and don't come back, I'm gonna track you down and break your legs so you can't leave again."
"How's that supposed to make me wanna come back?!" I laughed, hiding my expression against her chest.
"Well, if Bill doesn't come back, I call dibs on being the head of the family." Teeth laughed. I scoffed. "You mean the mouth?" ("Well I'm already the mouth!")
"Wait, so Bill's the head, and Teeth's the mouth…" 8-Ball looked confused. "What's that make the rest of us?"
"Hang on, why's Bill the head? Sure he owns the house, but doesn't that just mean he's the butt?"
"Wait, why am I the butt?!" I sputtered.
"Cause you're the base?"
"Wouldn't that make me the feet?"
"Only some of us even have feet, so I guess it doesn't apply?" Hectorgon rubbed his chin.
Ammy raised his hand. "I don't have a butt."
"Guys, guys. Bill's the eye! Duh!" Kryptos groaned, rubbing his own eye.
"Um. Like, a bunch of us don't have eyes." Teeth elbowed Kryptos.
"Body stump." Ammy deadpanned.
"So I'm the body stump?" I wasn't sure how I felt about that. How the hell did we get here? I felt Pyronica patting my back. "We'll continue debating over which body part you are while you're away. You better get back soon or else you're gonna get stuck with something worse than body stump."
I laughed. "Ok. Be back soon guys." I prepared to head out my Door, but I couldn't help but add, "Oh right, don't take off those maid uniforms until we actually get to play a round of Maids, alright?" ("Oh come on!" "Dammit. Seriously, no more distractions. We're gonna play Maids when he gets back!")
I cackled before slipping out. Ah… I was so easily distracted. I slipped into Seb's Door and tried to relax. I didn't want to think about how maybe my human family wouldn't like me anymore if they got to know 'Bill'.
They certainly didn't like Blue after being around him for a while.
It really… opened my eye to the idea of how even the Pines' friendly, accepting kindness had its limits. I realized that even Seb and Fordsie got frustrated with me sometimes.
It was something that was bothering me for a while. (And it compounded on top of everything else I was worrying about.)
But I was getting to the point where I've got no choice but to acknowledge that I was a horrible creature of destruction, and I can't be the good child that they wanted. I felt good when I was destroying things. Causing trouble for people. Messing with people. Things that now made me feel guilty for wanting to do. Ugh. Everything sucked.
I had to figure out what I could do that still 'fit' inside the limitations I set. Because I feel bad that my friends were bored. And I feel bad that I was so unsettled.
Well, I made my way back to Fordsie's house and saw my babies lying in their bed. A soothing calm came over me. "Hey~" I was Yun again, reaching down to brush their little heads. I could push aside my worry and existential crisis for now. Just… be with them and not think. Relaxing here and just existing in the moment. I glanced over at the bed where Fordsie was snoring away. I say snore, but he wasn't actually that loud. More of a heavy, deep breath. Steady, strong, healthy. I almost didn't want to wake him up. But he had work in a few hours.
I traced his jawline with a finger and smiled. Alright, I'll let him sleep in for a bit. I should go make him a packed lunch.
I skipped cheerfully out of the room,
What to make for my dear Fordsie~? Well, he was lazy and didn't like to waste time chewing food if he could avoid it. So something soft and easy to break apart would be best. I flicked my fingers, my form shifting back into a triangle as I enveloped the kitchen.
It's time for…
COOKING WITH BILL!
"Hello once again to my show!" I cheered. The set of the show was in Ford's kitchen instead of my usual one, so I couldn't have the confetti flying everywhere. Or could I?
A cabinet burst open and spewed confetti all over me. I yelped. "Why in my eye?! Always with the eye!" I slapped at my bricks, brushing the confetti off myself. "Sorry 'bout that kids. Different kitchen, different areas where the special effects are gonna come from."
I clapped my hands. "So!" I pressed my hands to my 'cheeks' and turned a cute orange color. "Today we're gonna be making a lunch for my darling boyfriend~"
"Awwww~" the audience gushed.
"I suppose I should be making breakfast for him as well. But I'll make that after lunch. Hehehe, making breakfast after making lunch, who's gonna stop me? Nobody! That's who!"
"Breakfast is meant to come before lunch!" A voice called out. I blinked and looked to the doorway with a gasp. "Who are you?"
A man walked in, tall, muscular. "I am nobody."
"Oh. My. Gosh!" I gushed. I turned back to the audience. "Take a look here! Looks like it's our special guest for today, Odysseus!"
The audience clapped and cheered. I nudged Odysseus with an 'elbow'. "So if you don't want me making lunch before breakfast, you should make breakfast for me."
My 'special guest' blinked. "I… cook?" I patted his head. "Have fun dude." Of course, this wasn't the 'real' Odysseus. Just a temporary construct. "What am I meant to make for breakfast?" Odysseus asked. I flicked my fingers and a large egg appeared. And by large, I mean it was the size of a horse. With legs. And claws. And a hissing sound.
"Some omelette would be cool." I purred before I tossed a sword to Odysseus. "Have fun. Try not to die!" The Egg was beginning it's charge as Odysseus raised his sword. The image blurred out as an overhead narrator spoke.
These are trained actors, please do not do this at home.
"Ahhh!" Odysseus dodged and swung, nicking the side of the egg monster. It screeched and swiped at him with its claws.
I ignored the battle to the death happening behind me as I went back to smiling at the camera.
"So. My darling boyfriend's lunch should contain the most important thing, PROTEIN!
So I got some salmon, rolled it in sesame and poppy seeds, and put it in an oven safe pan.
Fish was soft and fell apart easily. And very yummy~
"Fish is actually pretty easy. If you have a large piece like this, simply coat it in something, either seeds like I'm doing, or some kinda sauce, and then pop it in the oven. It's quick and easy and more hands off than trying to cook it in a skillet." I set the temperature to 350. "Since cooking on a skillet would require you to flip and turn the fish while it cooks, and it might fall apart. That's the downside to cooking with such a soft, flaky meat."
I ducked when Odysseus managed to slice off a piece of the egg's shell. The sharp pieces flew through the air and splattered onto the wall. "Hey! Try and fight to the death a little more neatly!" I complained. I slid the pan into the oven and smiled at the audience again. "So, while we wait for that to cook, let's get started on the vegetables."
I pulled out a whole broccoli. "Now, I know most people don't like veggies, me included, but I discovered a way to get around that." I washed the broccoli and cut it up into smaller pieces. Then I took a large pot, filled it with only enough water to cover the broccoli, and put a lid on it.
"First, boil the veggies until cooked. Most species can't actually break down plant cell walls to get to the yummy nutrients inside, but heating and cooking them will destroy the cell walls and release all the parts that people can absorb."
Some egg guts splattered across the floor. I heard a cheer and a scream of rage. Hm. Maybe I shouldn't have made these constructs for this show...
I ducked another spray of eggy guts. Ew. "And then, you put the veggies in a blender. Add salt, pepper, other spices to taste, and I like to add cheese because cheese and broccoli go very well together. Also add a little bit of the water you cooked the veggies in, because it wouldn't blend otherwise. How much water you add will adjust how thick the result will be. I like my soups on the thicc side."
"And there! You've got a nice veggie soup. Remember to taste it to see if you need more salt or whatever." I squeaked when a large egg glob hit the back of my body.
I stared, eye wide and blank as the sticky mess slid slowly off my bricks and splattered onto the ground.
I could hear the sounds of fighting cut off behind me. There's a quiet, "Oh shi-"
My bricks burned red. I slowly rotated all my bricks around to face them, my back to the camera.
"AUUUGGGHHHH-!" I grew larger, fire bursting out around me as I reached my claws out. Nobody screamed.
The screen blurred out.
And now a word from our sponsor...
The scene changed to a tropical beach. The waves crashed and the sand was clean and golden. A gorgeous man in a pair of swim trunks lounged on a beach chair.
The man had on sunglasses and was holding a large Pina Colada in one hand, a book in another two, and adjusting his glasses with a fourth. "Stressed? Tired? Well stress no more, a tropical island getaway could be all yours with just one easy Deal." He/I stretched lazily, slim muscles flexing along his/my body. The sound board played out 'Wow~' as the camera panned over him/me.
"Simply turn off all the lights, arrange three mirrors around yourself in a triangular shape, boxing you in, and recite 'Bill Cipher' three times around midnight to summon Bill. Then just ask him about our exciting vacation packages. And choose the one that's right for you." He/I laid back against the chair, sipping the pina colada as the camera zoomed out and a voice over began playing.
Cipher Vacational retreats are not for everyone. Please consult a doctor if you are subject to high blood pressure, fainting, vomiting, existential dread at the idea of a greater multiverse dwarfing your existence, or other emotional disorders. Vacation plans are not limited to Earth and as such, may cause certain people to feel homesick when they are sent lightyears away from their planet of origin. Cipher Vacational is not responsible for survivability on other planets. Some restrictions may apply.
The scene faded back into the kitchen. I was heaving as I held a sword in one hand and a severed egg-leg in another. I blinked when I noticed the camera rolling again. I straightened up with a grin. "Sorry 'bout that folks. Well," I tossed the sword and leg to the ground, walking over to the oven, stepping over the other limbs strewn across the floor. "The fish should be done now, so just pull it out, and begin assembling the lunch."
I poured the creamy broccoli soup/chowder(?) into a glass tupperware and then cut up the fish to place on top.
"Needs some color, so I took the liberty to make an omelette as well." I told the audience as I put the yummy eggy goodness into the container as well.
"And….yeah. That's a quick and easy lunch for my dear boyfriend." I waved at the camera, ignoring the blood splattered along my arms. "That's it for today's show. Remember kids, the universe is a hologram, don't add too much salt at a time or you'll regret it, and peanuts aren't nuts but a type of legume like a bean!"
The audience applauded as the screen faded out.
Cooking with Bill Cipher is sponsored by Cipher Vacational. Ask about your free vacation in space today.
Cipher Vacationals is not responsible for any death or harm that may result in you being sent out into space for a vacational retreat.
I gently shook Ford. "Wakey, wakey sweetie~" He groaned, stretching and blinking his eyes open. "...Yun?"
I leaned in to kiss his nose. "Hey~ time to get up. You've got work soon~" I straightened, going over to pull out his clothes for the day, laying them out neatly on the bed. Ford yawned and rubbed his face, getting up to trudge over to the personal bathroom I built for his room. "I had the oddest dream…"
"You're welcome~" I sang as I checked on the kids. A few of them were stirring now. "Morning dears~" I stroked their chubby cheeks.
Ford brushed his teeth and took a quick shower. I gathered the children and moved them from their crib to Ford's bed so I could settle in to feed them once they all woke up. It was a routine. It was easy. It was calming. I didn't have to think about it. I didn't have to worry about it. I knew I could do it and do it right. I just had to lie there and feed my babies. No worry about morality or questioning my purpose in life.
I heard Ford close the door as he came out of the bathroom while towel drying his hair. I smiled and went over to nuzzle against his chin. "Ready for another day?" I asked, brushing his damp hair back. Ford hummed. "I'm assuming you've made breakfast?"
"Of course!" I checked on my babies real quick, still mostly asleep. I flicked my fingers to make it so they wouldn't roll off the bed while I was gone, and turned back to Ford. "Come on, let's feed that belly of yours."
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were fattening me up." Ford rolled his eyes. I cackled as we made our way to the kitchen. "Well~ I do think you'd look adorable even thiccer~" I purred, watching the way his butt moved as he walked. Mmmm~ Cake~
"You're very strange sometimes." Ford laughed. He paused when he entered the kitchen. On the dining table were bowls and plates filled with omelettes, quiches, eggs benedict, deviled eggs...
"How many eggs did you use?" Ford asked slowly. I shrugged. "I had a surplus."
"...well, those eggs Benedict look good." Ford sat down to grab a plate. "How early were you awake to cook all this?"
"Oh Fordsie~" I purred as I wrapped my arms around him from behind, leaning over the back of his chair to rest my head against his shoulder. "I don't need to sleep if I didn't want to~"
"Well, you certainly enjoy sleeping." Ford reached up to ruffle my hair. I leaned into his hand. "It feels good to sleep."
"I wonder how useful it would be to not need sleep." Ford mused. "I could get so much work done if I didn't have to."
"Sadly, your cute little mortal biology would go all out of whack if you didn't get rest. Human brains use sleep to process and commit the things you've learned while awake into long term memory." I threaded my fingers through his hair. It was still a little wet, but my hands were warm and I brushed his brown locks and helped them dry.
"How does it work for you? Memories?" Ford tilted his head back. "Since your true self is pure energy, not a complex meat sponge with electrical signals connecting emotions, concepts and knowledge into each other to form one's own Self?"
I blinked. "Ehhh, stuff is embedded into my Mindscape. And it gets lost. I have too much shit up here. I lose track of stuff. But it's here, somewhere. Embedded and encoded right into my Self. I can lose memories, if I use up that information, like… if I spend it out instead of keeping my Self separate from the energy I'm using to make shit happen?" It was a little hard to explain. "It's about keeping 'me' and my output of energy use separate?" I thought about it. "I prefer to alchemize things that already exist, over creating things from scratch by converting my energy into physical mass. Because using my own energy in that way requires me to separate it from any memories tied into it. I generally just use my emotional energy for this type of conversion because it's not my 'memories' even if a small part of it is connected to it." Memories are tied in with the emotions one feels during that memory after all. I keep that. I didn't want to lose that. Because it was important to me.
"...if it's that dangerous…" Ford said slowly. I hummed. "I'm fine. I can use magic instead, which doesn't require me to use my own energy. Though it's not as efficient as micromanaging it myself." But it was easier to do, and I was feeling lazy. Tired. Dunno why I've been so tired.
I pushed that thought aside. Nope. I was in Seb's set. I was with my darling Fordsie. I was going to just enjoy myself. No worrying about shit right now.
"...Just be careful, I don't want anything to happen to you." Ford turned to give me a worried look. "I'm fine Fordsie~ But for your peace of mind, I'll be careful." I insisted. He looked skeptical. "Look, even if I ended up using up a lot of my Self in something, I've got backups. I can get them back. I can put myself back together." I've had to do that a lot over the years. And ok, maybe I have lost some parts of myself over the years, but I don't think they were too important?
Ford smiled at me, making me feel all fluttery inside.
I dunno if I can really explain it. Just… the trust in his eyes… I craved it. I loved it.
Even as I worried over what might happen to make those adoring eyes turn cold and angry.
When Ford finished eating, I handed him his lunch and kissed his chin.
"Bye Fordsie~ have a nice day at work~" I sang as he put on his shoes. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Are you going to be alright by yourself?" he asked.
"It's fine. Soos is home. Abuelita is home. Melody is home. And I won't be too bored, since I've got so many mouths to feed."
"...just try to relax, alright? I'm a little worried about you working too hard."
"I'm fine Fordsie." I grinned, straightening his lab coat. "Now go out there and have fun~" I made a shooing motion.
He chuckled. "Alright, I'll see you tonight." The door clicked shut behind him and I allowed myself a little sigh. Alright. Boyfriend fed. Now to head back to the bedroom and feed my children.
"Whoa doods! Where'd all these eggs come from?!" I snorted at Soos's incredulous voice. "Yummy though." I could hear him eating. Ah, never change Soos you wonderful human bean.
I settled onto the bed, my children waking and crawling their way up to me, already demanding food. I allowed my worries to leave me. Here, I was needed. Here, I was wanted. Here, I could indulge in the simple, pure love of creatures who'd never known hardship. I worried a little, for what the future would hold for them. But that was for the future. And I would be here to protect them from it all.
(Or should I? It hadn't helped Pynelope any. Then again I should have prevented her from dying to begin with. Even despite her protests. Perhaps if I had disregarded her stated wants…)
I shoved the thought away and locked it into a random closet within my Mindscape.
And it was then, while I was placing my children against my breasts so they could feed, that I felt it.
Something I hadn't felt in years and years.
I raised my head, eyes going wide.
"...brother?"
- (The Blue Returns Arc will be posted separately from the main fic, so readers will not have to suffer through Blue's toxicity and MizBill's worsening depression and anxiety as a result of it.)
...Blue came back.
Rather, he noticed I hadn't followed him into his Set and came back to Seb's to look for me.
And while for me, it had been years and years and years since I'd last seen him, for him, it hadn't been more than a few hours. I was surprised Blue was here, after all this time (from my point of view) and I was excited to introduce him to my children. I wanted to connect with him again, fill him in on what he'd missed from the ridiculous time disparity we'd experienced. Surely, now that he was back and we were together again, I could ask him about what had happened to my Door and we could work something out between us-
... He… wasn't happy to see the children.
It hurt. Feeling like Blue disapproved of them, of me. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt i͙͚͔̹̰̲̯͠t̠̟ ̱̮͎̳̺̼͖͠h̶͖͈̭u͖͕̳͙̤̹̳r̜̝͍t̩͈͉͙̪̗ ̢̻̬̮͙i̥̪̼t̞̺̟̺̰̮͈͞ ͉̫̬̩̬͕̠h͏̗u̲r̼͕̥̭t̡̬̺͈̫̲ i̠̻̗̗̻ͅt̡̻̯͔͉̣̐̎ͦ̈̄̒ ̘̖̖̙ͮ̔̉ͤ͂h͕̬͔̙̟̱̔̐̓͞u̢͈̫r̆ͩ̑̅͠t̗̥ ͎̩̙̭̖͈̥̏͛ͦ̎͛ͧͮi̻̜̲̤̮̇ͤ͐̆ͣͅt͙̮̮ͤ͑́͌̓ͭ̊ͅ ̨̘̥̒ͦͩh̰̖̳̓ͦͧū̪̺͕͇̫̙̘͆̈r̩̗̣̜̥̜̀ͣ͛̈t̲̺̺͌̄͘-
I was sure he hated me now. That he didn't love me now. That he wanted nothing to do with me now. After all, he and Lee only stayed long enough for Lee to low-key accuse me of- whatever it was that they thought I'd done wrong (?) because it was somehow my fault that I chose not to follow them into Blue's set for the shopping trip-
And then Blue and Lee left. And I watched as the Door was purposely shut in my face and-
And then I cracked worse and worse.
Until I tore myself apart again, as I went back into the Void of Doors and struggled once again to open Blue's Door. And once again, it didn't so much as budge.
And I fell apart.
Things after that weren't… the best. Blue did come back to find me, and even put me back together. His touch was gentle, he was always so careful and caring-
But then why did it hurt so much to be around him?
I wasn't in a good place, emotionally and mentally speaking. But… Blue still tried to help. He still put me back together so I didn't die. That meant he still cared, right?
And we had a talk. And I feel like… maybe we'd finally reached some sort of understanding.
I was still hurting, but… there was a small measure of hope.
I was told that I didn't have to shut out all emotional Empathy. I could still passively feed on emotions if I needed to. That it wasn't wrong to want to do so. That… was a bit of load off my back. I didn't have to feel guilty for wanting it anymore.
I was still confused, and hurt and not in a good mental place, but I had a bit of hope to try and get better. A bit of hope that Blue and I could fix whatever rift had started between us. I wanted to try. I wanted to be able to be with him again. To love and be loved by him.
He was my big brother.
We'd decided we would find some other set to hang out in, for some combat training. So I would be able to defend myself when I went to his Set and happened to meet any of the Demons they had there. Because Blue worried about my safety. And it would ease his worries (not that he put it like that) if I was less helpless.
(I ignored the way it hurt to be all but told I was pathetic and weak and inferior. That wasn't what he said, I just happened to interpret his words like that because I'm an idiot.)
He also talked me around to the idea of how even if someone doesn't want me to do something, I should do it anyway if it would result in making the situation safer and better for others.
...so I went and allowed my rage to rain down on a certain someones. I even got Mabel to go along with it. And I felt better afterward, having indulged in the darkness within me. Mabel's boyfriend, Max, was not happy about what we did. And having him mad at me hurt, but I didn't want to regret what I did.
My human family noticed my mood. Fordsie worried over how upset I was. I didn't tell him what caused it, thought I did pass out the purchases Lee and Blue dropped off to everyone. And I'm sure Ford could make a very good guess as to why I was in such a terrible mood. And eventually, I managed to feel better.
And once I wasn't feeling like shit anymore, I finally went back to my own Set.
"The sale at the grocery store is only going to last until the end of today." I told my Maid group as we sat around the board. "And since you spent three hours trying to get to the store, you only have two hours left to get your shopping done before the store closes."
"Well if SOMEONE could actually make their driving checks…" Teeth muttered. Kryptos rolled his eye. "Not my fault I kept getting ones."
"Guys, I think we should split up to get all the items we need on time." Hectorgon interrupted the glaring contest between the other two. Ammy was shuffling through his notes. "I call dibs on the meat section."
"I'll check the fruits and veggies." Hectorgon looked at the layout of the grocery store in the mini set I built. "One of you needs to be at the bakery section and the other one in the shelves for the spices and sugar and… what else did we need?"
"We're out of flour." Ammy helpfully pointed out.
"Kryptos, you're on shelf duty."
"Oh sure, give me the hardest one."
"The four of you enter the store. To your left is the flower section. To the right is fresh produce. The registers are ahead. There are shelves off to the far diagonal right." I narrated. Ammy raised his hand. "Where's the meat section?" I looked down at the board. "You don't know right now. What do you do?"
"I will circle around the store to see what all the sections are." Ammy stated. "From my experience, the meat section should be in the back of the store." He moved his character off to begin her search.
"I will head for the shelves. Gonna go through the aisles one by one and find stuff as I need them." Kryptos said, adjusting his skirt. Yes. We were all wearing maid uniforms still. Not gonna take 'em off until this session was done.
"Well, I already see the fruits and veggies, so I'm gonna just start looking." Hectorgon seemed to think he had the easiest one.
Teeth sighed. "I'm gonna ask one of the cashiers where the bakery section is."
"There's a young multimur boy standing at the nearest register. He looks bored."
"I go up to him. I ask for where the bakery section is."
I cleared my throat and spoke in a lower octave than usual. "We ain't got one."
Teeth paused. "Um… what?"
"We used to have one. But it was closed down. We got a bread section on the shelves back there. But we don't have any fresh baked stuff anymore."
"...why did it close down?" Teeth asked. The others also paused in their own journeys to listen in for the Lore.
"New bakery opened right next door. Corporate decided it was too much trouble to have our own section competing with them. We kept losing money since no one was buying any of our stuff. So it cost more money than we gained from having the section."
"That sucks." Teeth muttered. "Hang on, so can I just go to the bakery next door to get the bread?" He consulted his shopping list. He needed three large crusty round loaves for making bread bowls. Some bagels, a pack of cupcakes and a cake since the young master's birthday was coming up soon.
They'd been planning to bake a cake for him, but after Ammy blew up this kitchen too, they decided it would be safer for everyone to just buy one.
"You could." I told Teeth. "But the bakery next door isn't gonna be on sale."
"Shit. And our funds are a little low after that stunt Kryptos pulled."
"My character responds to stress with buying things to fill the emptiness within her heart, I was being in character!"
"You snuck into my room to steal MY money just to-"
"Are you two going to be starting combat?" I asked dryly.
"We're on a time limit, so no." Teeth groaned. "Fine. I"m gonna try to see how much I can get at the bakery." His character left the grocery store. Hectorgon waved to get my attention. "I want to search for my stuff."
"Roll for it."
He tosses his dice, three d6s. "Five." He said, after adding them up. I hummed. "You find most of what you need, but the store is out of the eik roots."
"Fuck."
"Ok, Kryptos, what are you doing?" I turned to him.
"Can I roll to search too? We've spent way too much time on this shit." he grumbled.
"Alright. Roll for it."
He got a seven, which was pretty great. "You can find everything except the banilla powder." I told him.
"Ugh." Kryptos leaned on an arm. "Fine. I ask a worker if they have banilla powder."
"Nah, we're sold out." I made the worker stocking the shelves say.
"Dammit this is so frustrating! Do we really need to role play this whole shopping scene?" Kryptos let out a frustrated sound. I sighed. "Well, none of you are thinking outside the box here."
"What box? There's no box?!"
Ammy raised his hand. "I'm going to get the snow ribs and ground klork."
"They're out of ribs." I told him. I heard Hectorgon and Teeth groan.
Ammy stared at me. Then, without missing a beat, he said, "I wish to search for another customer, who might have ribs in their cart."
I straightened, grinning. "Ok, now we're talking."
Kryptos stared. "Wait. We can do that?!"
"This is an open world game. You can ask to do whatever you want and I, the GM, get to decide if it will happen or not. Reality is at my command and you are all my story prompts!" I slapped the table.
Teeth made a sound of realization. "I would like to haggle for the bakery items, to bring the prices down."
"I will sneak into the back rooms to see if they have more eik roots that they haven't put out yet." Hectorgon added.
Kryptos frowned before he asked, "Can I also look for a customer who might have some banilla powder?"
It took a while to get to everyone's scenes. Ugh, the issues with splitting the party.
So Hectorgon and Kryptos managed to get the items they were missing. Teeth flirted shamelessly with the manager at the bakery until he got the prices reduced by 30%.
...And Ammy killed a 'Karen' enemy during a battle and took her ribs.
...And I was ok with that. He even hid the body in the back freezer without anyone noticing the murder and butchering. Seriously, I'm not sure how he rolled so well. Oh wait, I do know.
We all glared at him. Ammy seemed quite happy to have the ribs. Teeth sighed. "Can't you give him dice that he can't just roll in the exact way he wants to get the number he wants? This is getting ridiculous."
"That would be cheating." Ammy cradled his dice protectively.
"You being able to control the roll to whatever number you need is cheating." Kryptos muttered.
"Still can't believe Bill let you straight up murder a woman…" Hectorgon muttered.
"Look, at least it's just in a make believe game and not real life." I muttered back. "Plus, with how many people you've all already killed in these games, how is this the murder you're worried about?"
"...Oh right."
We continued playing for a few more hours before I decided it was a good place to stop.
"So, to summarize. The young master's birthday party went well, which is a first for you guys. Congrats. No one discovered the dead body, you get off scot free. The water slide you installed in the yard fell apart but luckily no one died from it, though the garden is utterly destroyed and we're probably gonna be using next session to fix that."
"My poor zinnias…" Hectorgon sighed.
"The ancient undead civilization was unearthed but you managed to de-curse them before the zombies finished clawing their way out."
"I told you guys that mummified pandeen foot would come in handy." Kryptos was so smug about this.
"And you're all aware 3 Favor points." I finished. Everyone cheered. Teeth picked up his character sheet. "I'm gonna level up my Athletics."
"So… we're done?" Kryptos asked. I nodded. He cheered and lifted his skirt, pulling his dress off and tossing it onto the couch. "Thank vertex for that!"
I smiled at them, glad to see they enjoyed themselves. "Anyway, I need to go now. See ya."
"Come back soon, Bill." Hectorgon smiled. I waved and Blinked away.
I reappeared in my penthouse room. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. It was hard to notice through my glowing, but the cracks were still there. I was a little better, but I wasn't healed. I sighed. But it was better. A little.
So maybe I would be alright to head out again. To my Void of Doors. To find another Set where Blue and I could hang out. Because I still wanted things to work out between the two of us. And I think I'd taken enough time to heal to be able to try again with him.
I only hoped I wasn't making another mistake.