Fmh: thanks for reviewing! No worries for not reviewing on every chapter quickly! I always appreciate them. Yeah, if Severus dies, Charlotte would definitely gonna struggle pretty badly. We'll just have to wait and see because I haven't made my decision between the "canon compliant" and "not canon compliant" endings that I've been thinking about recently. There were originally like 4 endings I couldn't choose between, but I've narrowed it down to 2 and am undecided lol. And yeah, anything happening to Daphne would crush Charlotte, especially if she found a way to blame herself :(

EmilyCMalfoy: Thanks for reviewing! It's great to hear from you again! You don't have to apologize about not reviewing. I mean, I always love reviews, but I understand if you're not able to review all the time. Also there's no reason to apologize for how you used to write your reviews. You were absolutely not annoying; I always enjoyed reading them!

Dreamy-Girl2016: Thanks for favoriting!

CHAPTER 6

Severus's breathing is calm and steady, but I have an obscene about of energy pulsing through me still. The moonlight shines a little through window, just enough to bounce off of his pale, bare torso. I sit up on the bed and watch him for a few minutes, tapping my fingers against my legs, unsure why I feel so antsy. It's not like I have to go to Malfoy Manor in the morning. This is just a normal weekend, and yet I feel almost terrified and I don't know why.

I slide off the bed and make my way to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind me. I pull my hair up to get it off the back of my neck, then splash some cold water on my face. You're in Severus's chambers, you're safe, no one can hurt you.

So why do I feel this way?

I don't know. I really just do not know.

I take a few deep, even breaths and brush my teeth, hoping that the familiar motions might help me take my mind off of whatever is happening. It doesn't really work.

Then I go back to his room and crawl back onto the bed. Why does Severus get to sleep so peacefully while I'm slowly falling into a panic? It doesn't take long for me to lose control of my steady breathing and my breaths to start coming in choppy and short and almost painfully. Finally I reach over and grab his arm. "Severus," I struggle out, "Severus! Severus, help me, something's wrong."

The candles and the torches light the room up immediately, and Severus is upright in the bed and by my side. "Charlotte, what's happening?"

"I don't know," I say, gripping his hand as tightly as I can. "I can't breathe. My—my heart is—" He slides closer to me, his hand on my shoulders, but I shove him away. "Don't—don't crowd me. I can't—I can't—"

"Charlotte, you're fine," he says in a soothing voice, taking my hand. "You're safe, yes? No one can hurt you here."

I always think that, and then something happens. Like Zoe who was killed when I thought we were safe. Like how I want to Azkaban when I thought Voldemort needed me safe. Like how Bellatrix tortured me when I thought she loved me. Like my father who is in Azkaban. I thought he was safe, and look what happened to him. Nothing is as it's supposed to be. I'll never be safe. So why shouldn't I be panicking right now over something I can't even pinpoint?

"Charlotte, you're safe. I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know—I know that, so—why—am I—"

"Stay right here," he says. "Don't move."

Severus starts off the bed, and suddenly the idea of being without him, even though I pushed him away a moment ago, strikes an unexplainable fear into my heart. I can't let go of his hand. "Don't—don't leave me like this."

"I'll be right back." He removes my hand from his and leaves the room. If I had the breath, I might have started sobbing, but I don't. Instead, tears just start flowing down my cheeks while I choke in some breaths. He returns to my side in less than a minute, the mattress dipping with his weight as he closes the gap between us. "Drink this." He places a vial to my lips, and I drink it immediately.

"What is it?"

"It'll help you relax."

I nod and close my eyes, enjoying the warmth spreading over me. Very slowly the potion sets into my system, settling into my bones. Severus slides closer to me and puts his hand on my neck. "Your heartbeat is slowing," he says. He watches me closely for a moment. "Do you feel better? Your breathing is calmer."

"I do, I do feel better."

He rests his forehead against my temple and cups my cheek in his hand. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know—I'm calming at least."

He takes one of my hands and holds it in both of his. "What are you worried about?"

"Everything," I say, closing my eyes and letting myself enjoy the potion running through me. "I'm so scared, Severus." I wrap my arms around him and pull him as tightly against me as I possibly can. "But I'm starting to relax from the potion, so thank you so much."

He kisses my cheek, then says, "I'll be right back." He gets off the bed and disappears into the bathroom.

I close my eyes back and lean heavily against the headboard. What would I do without him honestly? Severus returns a few minutes later and gets back under the sheets with me. He takes my hand. "Are you all right?"

I exhale. "I think so, actually." I meet his eye. "Thanks to you, of course." A grin comes to my face. "So why don't you tell me about this potion you drugged me with?"

"Drugged you?" he asks, his voice appalled. "How dare you insinuate something so horrible? Would I ever do something like that?"

I laugh—I mean, really, actually laugh at him and the look of complete innocence on his face. "You're my favorite person to be around, Severus. I really hope you know that."

"I had my suspicions."

The potion works its magic on me and actually starts to make me feel worlds better. I'm happy and relaxed and as safe as I can be. A smile comes to my face. "Thank you so much. I—I feel better than I've felt in what seems like years. We should keep some of that around all the time. Just in case."

"We'll keep some available at all times, and you can take some back to the dormitory with you in case this happens again and I'm not around."

"I think I should go to sleep now though. I—I'm fairly exhausted."

He nods, and I slide back down on the bed and pull the sheets up to my chin, safer and warmer than I ever though imaginable.

Severus is already awake by the time I get up the next morning, but he's still lying on the bed. He's just staring up at the ceiling, his fingers laced together on his abdomen. I turn toward him and watch him for a moment. "What are you thinking about, Severus?" I ask quietly.

He looks at me quickly, almost startled at the sound of my voice. "I actually wasn't thinking at all," he says. "I'm relaxing."

"Relaxing?" I slide closer to him and put my hand over his.

His head turns toward me. "It will be a stressful day. I have to send you to the Collinses today so that you can get Gideon Collins's hair. I don't care much for the thought because I know what happens once everything is in place, but it needs to be done. Because I know how important it is to you."

"Let's not talk about that right now," I say. "That's a stressful situation for the future. Let's just enjoy our Saturday morning right now, yeah? Have the elves made breakfast yet?"

Severus pushes himself upright, and I follow his lead. "I think they have."

With a wave of his wand, the food appears on the bed, and the candles and torches light up the room. "Good, because I am starving. Panicking wore me out."

"You're young. You'll bounce back. If I can, you can."

"Are you saying you're not tired?" I ask as I take a bite of bacon. He shrugs, and I frown at him. "What potion are you taking to stay lively?"

He watches me pointedly but only takes a bite of toast instead of answering me.

We spend a short time eating breakfast together before I summon parchment, ink, and a quill to myself, then Conjure up a flat surface on my lap for me to bear down on.

This letter should be easy to write, it's only to Rabastan. But I'm struggling. My biggest issue is that I am unsure how to keep everything a secret. What if someone intercepts the letter and everything is exposed? What if my desire to free my father actually ends up destroying everything Severus has worked so hard to accomplish? What if I somehow get Severus punished, if Voldemort finds out that we're inchoates and he takes it out on Severus? That would be unforgivable.

I can't use names because that's too risky, and with a sigh I force my quill to the paper and hope the words flow out of me. Nothing really comes to me, besides a short, pointless rambling. Undoubtedly, the best idea here is not to do anything, not to say anything that could be construed as something against Voldemort and not to hint at anything that implies our attempt to free Rodolphus. Our plans absolutely cannot be foiled right now, not when we haven't even really gotten to try it yet. My father needs me. So I start to write with something that really cannot be construed in any way.

Uncle,

I need to meet with you about your cousin. I know what's going on, and I need to speak with you about it. The next Hogsmeade weekend is the fourteenth of February. I'll meet you in the cottage.

Aurelia

Surely that's vague enough that if anyone were to see it they wouldn't question anything. No one knows about Aurelia, so surely that won't give anything away. I'm just hoping he will understand what I'm talking about and actually be willing to meet with me. And hopefully I'll get an answer from him soon so that I know whether or not I should actually go to the Lestrange Cottage on the Hogsmeade weekend.

I let Severus look over it. "It's vague enough that no one will know what it means should they find it but gives enough information that Rabastan will know exactly what you're talking about," he says. "You should go ahead and send it. Then…head to the Collinses."

"Or do that other way around."

He grimaces at me.

"But, you know," I say, folding up the letter and putting everything aside, "I should probably shower and everything first. God forbid I be seen around Hogwarts looking like this." I slide off the bed and start toward the bathroom. I can almost feel him watching me walk away.

A bit of concern in my gut over whether or not any of this is going to work to get my father out of Azkaban, I step into the Owlery. As always, Milo flies down to me and nibbles at my fingers before coming to a rest on my shoulder. "Hello, my love," I say to him. "Are you ready to deliver a letter for me? It's an important one, and I can only entrust it to you." He flaps his wings excitedly and nibbles at my earlobe. "Wonderful." He climbs onto my hand, and I tie the short letter to his little leg. Every time I see him, he seems more vulnerable, and I find myself wanting to protect him in ways that I was unable to protect Zoe. "Rabastan Lestrange at the Lestrange Estate." I rub the top of his head, and he flies away. I wait until he's just a speck in the sky, then rush down to the second-floor girls' bathroom so I can Disapparate back to Severus's quarters.

He's waiting patiently, fully dressed, when I arrive. "You're running low on time," he says, a bemused smirk on his face.

I cover myself with the Disillusionment Charm. "Yeah, well, you wasted time earlier."

"You didn't think it was a waste earlier," he comments.

"Because you had me distracted."

I hear his laughter as I Apparate away, appearing beside the little pond outside the Collins' house. There appears to be no one inside, but I head to the door just to make sure that the house is truly empty. My heart sinks when I see Mrs. Collins wandering around the inside. Of course. I mean, why wouldn't she be here right now? Where else would she be? It's Saturday night and she has small children. She begins laughing, and that's when I see Mrs. Mitchells with Matthew in the kitchen.

I'll have to plan this properly if I don't want to get caught. I can't be sure they won't hear me because I know that my Apparition is not silent like Voldemort's or nearly as quiet as Narcissa's. (That's something I should probably work on for situations like these—or any situation where being discreet is a necessity. I briefly wonder if Narcissa would be willing to train with me, but not right now. Later in life.)

When Mrs. Collins turns her back toward the living room, I use a quick spell to tip over one of the chairs, and at that time I Apparate into the house, hoping the sound covered up my pop! When no one looks around or questions anything, their being too distracted with trying to figure out what happened to the chair, I take it as a sign that I am okay.

"Is Matthew's magic already acting up?" Mrs. Mitchells asks, pressing a kiss to the top of the young boy's head. "Julia didn't start accidentally using magic until she was almost six. For a while her father and I worried that she might be a Squib."

"She's doing just fine now, it seems."

I dodge into Mr. and Mrs. Collins' bedroom and quietly make my way their bathroom. Two brushes sit on the counter, one with loads of long hair in it, and one with almost nothing in it. I assume the brush with less hair is Mr. Collins's. I pull out a few pieces, then Disapparate once more. I don't care if they hear me this time, considering I won't be in the house to deal with the fallout.

When I arrive in Severus's chambers once more, he is still there waiting for me, almost as if he hadn't moved once since I left the room.

"That didn't take nearly as long as I feared it would," he says.

"Unlike you, I know how to do this quickly, Severus."

The corner of his lip twitches. "Meaning they didn't really expect anything, so it's not like you had to explain anything to them, which means you were able to get in and out without any unnecessary stops along the way."

"Yeah, basically. They might have heard me leave, but they won't know it's me." I hold up the hairs that I stole. "Will this be enough?"

He takes the hairs and slides them into an empty vial. "It's enough."

"Great. I disliked breaking into their house."

"Funny. You had not issues breaking into—"

"It was different when I was at Spinner's End and you know it." I smile at him. "Anyway, it's Saturday, so I might want to make an appearance around the castle at least once. I'll go to lunch and dinner with Daphne and the others." I take a step closer to him. "But could I come back here around curfew?"

"Yes."

I reach up and press a kiss to his lips.

I wave goodbye to my friends after lunch—I avoided all questions about where I was this morning because they don't really need to know that and I'd rather not lie to them—then make my way to Professor McGonagall's office. This wasn't originally part of my plan, but as I sat in the Great Hall and my chest grew tight at Ella's mentioning her parents, I realized that I wanted to ask for her help. So I'm going to her office.

She calls for me to enter after a short knock, and I push the door open. "Good afternoon, Professor," I say with a smile. Why does it feel like it's been so long since I've spoken to her?

"Good afternoon. Do you need something?"

"Actually…yes." I take a seat in front of her desk. "Something happened last night, and I have some questions about it." She furrows her brow. "I—I woke up in a panic. I mean, I couldn't breathe, and my heart was racing. This—it's never happened before. And then, at lunch just now, Ella starting talking about her parents, and my chest grew tight, and I almost went into that panicked state again."

"What did you do last night to calm down?"

"I—took a potion, actually. But I don't know what potion because Se-Snape gave it to me. I went to him to get help, him being the Death Eater in the castle who doesn't actively try to harm me. So I was wondering—well, would Madam Pomfrey know what he gave me? Would I be able to take any of it down to the dormitory with me so I don't have to find him?" I know, I know, Severus was gonna give me some anyway, but part o fme just wants to talk to her McGonagall about my problems without framing it that way.

She watches me for a moment. "It's probably a better idea to figure out what exactly is wrong with you rather than—"

"I know what's wrong with me," I say. "I'm stressed and beginning to panic because of everything the Dark Lord is doing to me. Not to mention the fact that every time I think I'm safe, something happens: my father is thrown into Azkaban, my mother admits that she's fine with—" I stop and shake my head. My mother is fine with me dying, and I just want confirmation from someone I think of as a mother to tell me she'll do whatever it takes to save me. But I can't say all that aloud. "I can't fight the Dark Lord because he's just going to hurt me worse." And that's not even touching the subject of my death. So tell her about that—it'll make you feel better to know that someone like her doesn't want you to die.

I can't do that. I can't do that to her. Why did I even come here?

"Rodgers—"

"I'm sorry, talking about it made me realize what I have to do. I just have to confront it." I'm never going to confront Voldemort or my mother, I just know don't want to talk to her about this anymore. It was a mistake to come in here in the first place. I'm too cowardly to actually talk with her like I need to. "Besides, I've only experienced that panic once, so I doubt it's serious. I had just—I had just—I'm fine. I'm sorry to have bothered you with this."

I spend another hour in her office, dodging questions she asks about what I've just said. Slowly she begins to realize that I'm truly not going to talk about it, and she eventually lets it go. So we simply "chat" or whatever. I do my best to convince her that I'm fine, but despite my cheery tone and my smile, my heart is heavy. And I know why. I don't want to die without at least warning her that something is going to happen to me.

But I don't care.

So when I leave her office, I go down to the common room immediately and pull Daphne aside. She follows me up to the dormitory, leaving our confused friends behind. I crawl onto my bed and pull the curtains around the two of us. Then I wave my wand to keep our conversation as quiet as possible.

A tear slips down my cheek before I even have a chance to speak. "So there's something that's been weighing in my chest that I need to say because I can't tell McGonagall and my own mother doesn't care and I don't know how to handle this. I mean, some people know but it's not the same because my own mother is—"

"Charlotte," she says gently, reaching out and taking my hand. "What's wrong?"

I take a deep breath. "If the Dark Lord succeeds in impregnating me, he'll kill me after I've had the baby."

Her face drops. "What?"

"You heard me," I whisper. "I'm going to die."

She slides closer to me and wraps her arms around me. "Charlotte, you can't be serious."

I hide my face in the crook of her shoulder. "My mum didn't care," I cry. "She didn't care. She's happy—proud that I'm going to die for him."

Daphne holds me tighter. "Is there anything—"

"My father wants to help me."

"And he's in Azkaban."

I nod against her, unable to speak.

"I'll do everything I can to help you," she says softly. "I will. I hope you know that. I'll help you run away."

My own mother doesn't care as much about me as a friend does. A friend I only met a few years ago. My mother doesn't care about me half as much as Daphne does. Why does she hate me so much? Why doesn't she care about me at all?

"You won't have to die, Charlotte. We'll find a way to smuggle you out of Hogwarts if it comes down to it. I'm not planning to have to bury my best friend."

But if I disappear, Voldemort will likely punish those I care the most about. And I can't do that to them.

I have to die.