Prompt: Could you write a Drabble where Kensi and Deeks have to go to a couple therapy during an under cover up? Thanks
A/N: I decided to go the more ridiculous route with this. I can also do a more serious version if someone would like.
"So, Mr. and Mrs. Peterson, what brought you to me today?" Miranda Crosby, couples therapist asked. She looked across the table, making direct eye contact with Deeks, her expression empathetic. Deeks shifted, not even needing to fake his uncomfortableness as Jonathan Peterson, a struggling, unhappy lawyer. Kensi was currently playing his equally unhappy wife, Cassidy Peterson.
The goal was to get Miranda out of her office long enough that they could download all the files from her computer. The entire team had taken bets on how long that would take.
"Uh, I don't know, maybe because she's a terrible wife?" Deeks said, earning a gasp from Kensi. Miranda tried to say something, but Kensi cut her off.
"Terrible? I cook for you, I clean, I dress up so I look nice when you come home," she said, counting off points on her red-tipped fingers.
"Oh my god, and don't even get me started on the cooking. Last week she made this terrible grilled cheese. Like how do you even make a bad grilled cheese? It's literally just bread and cheese."
"Mr. Peterson–"
"And what about you? Huh, Jonathan? You're always staying out late and getting calls from strange women." Kensi gave him a look and crossed her leg, one cheetah print high heel bobbing manically in mid–air.
"They're clients," he said dismissively. Miranda clapped her hands together, her expression that of one who wasn't paid nearly enough for the crap she dealt with.
"Wow! Now that is a lot to unpack. You both have expressed some strong feelings and issues," she said, glancing between them with a fake smile.
"I don't have issues," Kensi said firmly. "He's the problem." Deeks sighed deeply, tossing his head back.
"How many times do I have to tell you I am not having an affair?"
"Then why do you get messages from women who call you sweetie and send you pictures of their boobs?"
"Have you been going through my phone?" he demanded, standing up.
"Well, how else am I supposed to know what you do?" Kensi stood up as well.
"Now Mr. and Mrs. Peterson–" Kensi jerked a finger at him dramatically.
"Do you know that he slept with my cousin? After our engagement party."
"Ok, that was not my fault," Deeks insisted. "She was wearing your dress."
"She's blonde and 4'9," Kensi shouted back at him.
"And 10 times hotter than you." Kensi made an animalistic screech and jumped across the couch at him.
"Oh my god!" Miranda Crosby gasped as Kensi tackled him to the ground, the short purple dress she was wearing sliding up her thighs as she straddled him. She threw a couple of punches at his stomach and he overacted for the therapist's benefit.
"I knew I should have married your brother!" she screamed.
"Well at least then I wouldn't be stuck with a woman who watches Titanic every freaking night while she stuffs her face with ice cream!" he screamed back
Kensi smacked him in the face, her hand making a sharp noise on contact.
"I'm getting security." Miranda didn't wait for a response from either of them and practically ran from the room.
The second she was gone, Kensi slid off him and held out her hand to help Deeks off the floor.
"How did we do?" he asked, shutting the door while Kensi pulled an encrypted thumb drive from her purse.
"Under five minutes," Eric confirmed, sounding impressed. "Callen won."
"I told you we could do it."
"And what about Miranda?"
"Oh, she's got at least another six or seven minutes before she finds the security guard since he's been called to the other side of the building," Nell said, sounding inordinately pleased with herself.
"Nice work," Deeks complimented her, glancing at Kensi who had the thumb drive plugged in and was typing with instructions from Eric. "And I think we were particularly excellent too."
"Mm, you weren't bad. But watching Titanic in front of the TV while eating ice cream? Really?" she said, rolling her eyes at him.
"You know ad–libbing makes it authentic," Deeks said innocently.
"Oh, you better watch it or you'll ad–lib yourself right onto the couch," Kensi warned him. He leaned against the desk, putting on his very best smoldering look.
"Hm, what if I promise to make it up to you by getting your beloved bulgogi?" Kensi looked him up and down, considering his offer.
"I have a better idea in mind," she said, the innuendo clear in her tone.
"Ok, quit flirting," Nell ordered. "She got the security guard faster than I expected." Kensi quickly ejected the thumb drive and put it back in her purse. Deeks laid back down on the floor while Kensi straddled him again.
"Remember this position for later," she whispered, but apparently not quietly enough as Nell and Eric groaned in unison.