pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
It wasn't long before I was sending Cherry off on her first day of school. A blink of an eye really. We took photos with her and Nebel even got involved and had to take some pictures with his sister. I smiled softly behind my children as the pictures were taken of all of us. I had one arm on each as Ruby snapped off quick pictures.
Nebel did in fact make friends. A few other boys and girls who had come over to play every once in a little while. I was proud of him. I told him that he should be proud of himself. It didn't really matter that I was proud. I wanted him to have self esteem and be intrinsically motivated. I didn't want his esteem dependent on me for anything.
Because I was slated for death and I wasn't going to be around for one thing. But for another I thought it was healthier this way. This way he only had to look inwards and see his own inner light to keep going. I was so twisted and dependent on my wives for emotional support. So while I found their embrace comforting I didn't want that for my son. I'd rather he had self actualization.
Same for my daughter. My precious little girl. She was so bright and excited for school. She was ready for the world and I had to let her fly the nest. She was a sweet thing. She'd be easy for somebody to hurt but she'd bounce back. She was more sociable than Nebel and would probably make a good set of friends. Some girls and boys to be close to share things with.
I only hoped she wouldn't break her own heart trying to make friends with those that won't be. She was stubborn and kind. I just didn't want that to translate into a compulsive need to be liked which would get herself hurt.
So I set them both off. Nebel's second year looked bright. When he was a touch older I'd start his huntsman training. I wouldn't make it easy on him. I'd be as gentle as I could be while also preparing him for the world.
And Cherry's first year - well, setting her loose was easier than letting Nebel go the first time when I'd had to. Maybe it was the differences in their personalities or maybe because I'd already gone through it the once with Nebel it was a shade easier to let her go out into that brave harsh world. She left with a smile on her face as she climbed into Weiss's car. She looked ready. She looked bright. My precious daughter was hard to look at in a lot of ways. She was so much like her birth mom. Ruby could be hard to look at too.
I waved goodbye to my son and daughter as they left. My daughter gave me a little wave back. My son remained stoic. We took those though. We absolutely took those. I felt like crying a little. I was so proud. Watching my baby girl set off on her first day of school was enough to melt my old frozen heart.
It was really the exact sort of good I wanted to be doing. Raising my kids and my family while keeping Vale safe was it. It was the pinnacle of good. I loved my little girl. I had to let her fly and try to make her friends. She'd be good at it. That was for sure. She was too sweet to be anything else. But watching her leave and letting her out of my carefully constructed nest was heartbreaking. I wanted to keep her nestled away and safe and love on her. Gods above, she used to be so little. She used to fit in just one of my hands snuggled against my chest. Now she was going off to school and making friends for the first time. Where did the time go? I used to balance her on my leg. I would rock her to sleep late at night. Now she was off to the races. My darling little girl was growing up and all I could do was watch in growing fascination and a bit of horror as she flew the coup. She was too old to stay under her daddy's wing forever. She was too old to keep tucked under a bush. She'd grown too much and it all seemed to happen so fast. I could scarcely remember that there had been a time between diapers and school. It just turned into a blurring haze.
I mean, the same was true for Nebel. My precious eldest son. Now he was off on his second year and he showed no signs of slowing down for the sake of his poor father's mental health. He would keep shooting up and advancing and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I wanted time to freeze just for a chance to catch my breath what with the progress all my children were making. I wanted the time to cherish the remaining moments I had with my family. My enormous family. But I was out of luck. There was no such power or if there was it was lost to me for now and probably forever.
But what was a bedraggled father to do besides wave his best to his children. I mean, I gave them my blessing and provided all the tools I knew how to give. I gave them social skills and taught them and I used to read to them late at night. I gave them as much as I was able. But there seemed to be no mercy from time itself. Time marched ever forward. And with it came the promise of my fate.
Ruby walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"What are you doin'?" I asked.
"Wishing you a happy birthday. Happy birthday," she leaned up at me with her lips puckered. I bent my head down so she could kiss my cheek. She giggled adorably up at me.
I didn't remind her that I didn't have a birth. That would only serve to take this moment from her. Instead I grinned down at her. "You remembered this year."
"I remembered last year too you butt! Just… eventually."
"Right. Right. Eventually." I stroked her pretty red and black hair. She leaned into my touch with tiny sigh of parted lips. I bent low and kissed her gently where she parted and she whined into my kiss. I devoured it and stood up straight.
"Do you want anything this year?" She asked.
"I have everything I can really have. The things I want no one can give me."
"Salem…"
"I meant more time with my little girl. Before letting her fly the nest. I want more time with my children so I suppose it is Salem related but it's also not. I want time to freeze. They're growing up so fast around me. It's not fair. Though it's a little funny. But it's only funny in the way that something sad is funny. I want more time with my Cherry. But I had to let her go. And that's heart breaking."
"I understand. They grow up so fast," she sighed. "Soon they'll all be at school. And you?"
"I'll be gone. But this isn't about me. It's about my babies."
She wrapped me up and hurried her face in my chest.
"Your babies need you. Their gentle father."
"'Gentle?'"
"Don't be a butt."
"Fine. Gentle. Me."
"Yes. Gentle. You. You're so sweet and so kind. I remember you reading to them late at night. That's not the attitude of a cold and distant father. You want to be involved in their lives and love on them. Do you really see yourself as cold and distant?"
"Well… maybe not. But not gentle. I'm always the one who has to take the firm hand to them because you and Weiss are too sweet and darling."
"It shows that you care."
"I just hope my children don't wish I cared differently."
"They won't. They know you love them. The time you spent with them and that's not even counting the training you will give Nebel. In case he doesn't change dreams."
"We'll see how I handle training my son. It's been one thing training other people's children. My own children will be totally different. And of course Nebel might not be the only one."
"You'll do fine. You worry too much. I just think about how I'm going to have to do it without you. I mean… I don't know anything about training hunters. And I'm supposed to take over when you go." Ruby shivered and bit her lip.
"Not for some time yet, love. And I could come back. With you in my corner I could come back."
"Of course," she agreed. "You could. It's possible."
"With you in my corner I can do anything," I informed her.
"Well…" she trailed. She was about to make some counterpoint.
"No. Anything," I refuted. I cupped her cheek gently and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Her hands came up and traced my face ever so softly. She was like that. She was soft. I loved that about her. "I thought I couldn't be a father and yet here I am. All because you believed in me. And being a father… that's got to be just as hard as fighting Salem."
"No," she scoffed.
"Yes," I pressed. "I owe it all to you. You never flinched away from me or any of the horrible things I've done. You never stopped loving me. Even for a minute. Even after I killed Rena and Nora. You never stopped believing in me. You mean everything to me. You're my best cheerleader."
"Well… there's Weiss too…"
"Weiss isn't backing me up the way you do. You're so flawless it's really unfair. And you chose me. I never thanked you for that. Thank you, Ruby. For choosing me. You make me want to be better in so many ways. You drive me forward each and every single day. Your bright smile gets me out of bed in the morning. I cherish you. All I want for my birthday is you. You're so precious to me. You're so sweet and so, so soft. I love that about you. I need Weiss's firmness too but I need how soft you are. You're such a sweetheart. And if I ever forget to cherish you I hope to remember moments like these where it's just you and me. Sometimes I wish I could lend you my voice. Lend you my heart. Lend you my choice. Sometimes I hope for a savior to come. But it falls on me."
I fell to one knee in front of her and took both her hands in my own. I kissed the back of her fingers.
"I couldn't do it without you. Unlucky me. Aware of the pain. Lucky are they ignorant of the true war. Not us. What we have is enough to survive even these struggles and triumph over them. Sometime I wish I could take on a new shape. Sometimes I wish I could lend you my ears. Lend you my dreams. Lend you my fears. Lend you my tears. Unlucky us aware of the pain. All because we are in the know of some very horrible things. Sometimes I wish I never learned the truth about myself. But it falls on us. Just like GaiLong. We're the only ones capable of holding this burden. And I hate to put you through that. But I know you're strong enough for it. I draw my strength from you."
"Cloud… I don't know what to say," I looked into her eyes and saw tears there.
"You don't have to say anything," I hummed. "I've come so far since GaiLong. I got over Pyrrha. I grew our family. And that's all because of you. Yes, I need Weiss too. I do. I need the reminder. The reminder that to be good enough I have to struggle. Sometimes the truth is just my point of view and I need her to crush my heart in the palm of her hands. But I need how soft you are. You were there for me from the start. You're there for me now. Even though it must kill you inside. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am glad I have you for as long as I am able. Our time together has seemed so short since those days I hunted Vernal for you. But it's been the best moments of my life. Sometimes I wish I could change form. Change out some parts and live like the norm. But that life isn't for us."
"I'll miss you," she hummed. "I'll miss you so much. When you go. I'll miss you until I die. I'm never going to get over your death. The thought of it hurts so bad. I remember living without you in Atlas and Mistral. And it hurt. You're a part of me. A part I will sorely miss. And you're right they are lucky who live unaware. Unlucky me. Aware of the pain. All because I happen to have some brain. It's going to tear me up to let you leave. But I have to stay strong for my babies. For our babies. I want someone to come save us. To take it from us. But I know it's you. You're the hero. I love how brave you are. Not everyone could face their death so unafraid. And I know you don't want to die but that's for my benefit. Not yours. I wish there was some greater power willing to intervene and make it all better. I've even prayed occasionally. But no dice. You're the hero of this story and it's my job to support you. Happy birthday Cloud. And here's to many more."
"Many more…" I trailed. "I know I asked to be a hero. I just didn't know what it would cost. I didn't know it would rip me away from your tender embrace." I bemoaned from where I knelt before my wife. "I didn't know. I wouldn't have asked for this if I knew what it would cost. But the gods basically chose me. They won't intervene themselves so it falls on me. Pray for me Rubes. I need it."
"I will. I'll pray for you all the time. Even if the gods aren't listening. I deserve that hope. We all do. Happy birthday Cloud. You mean so much to me. I'm glad to have lived a small portion of my life with you. Our time has been so short but it means everything to me. I'll never get over you. Never. But that's my fault for loving too much. I love you so much. I love how kind you are. I love your smile. I won't forget you. I'll carry a piece of you forward always."
pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
-WG
