It was actually months later when the lab door slammed closed and there was angry heat hovering over Tetorō. As soon as Tetorō had turned his chair around he was being pulled out of it roughly. He chopped Gareth in the head hard, then grabbed him tightly. "Shhh. Just let it out."

Gareth cried silent tears of utter frustration, when he cried in anger. Tetorō just held him until he pulled away and wiped at his face with his sleeve. "Out. Tonight."

Tetorō stared at Gareth, then slumped with a sigh. "Fine. This time it will be easier to change here, or we'll never find each other. I'll come get you when I'm dressed."

Gareth shook his head. "You've got the more difficult costume this time, figuring out how to be a girl dressing like a guy. I'll come and pick you up proper since it will involve a lot of standing around outside your door and waiting."

Tetorō scowled. Gareth waved and walked off, still too upset to do anything other than just leave.

-:-:-:-:-

They reached the lobby, where KR was lounging on a couch with a book in hand, in one of his lazy hiding places, only about twenty minutes late - although no set time had been actually scheduled. Naotsugu walked in the front door as they headed for it. He gave Tetorō a curious glance, then smiled at Gareth. "Got a date tonight?"

Gareth put his hand on Tetorō's back. "Yup. Tell Tetorō to not wait up for me."

"Sure thing," Naotsugu said easily. KR looked up with a raised eyebrow. Even Tetorō was a bit shocked.

"Ah, hey," Naotsugu interrupted again. They stopped and looked back at him. He was looking at Tetorō. "Take care of him. There are a lot of us around here who care." Tetorō fought hard and managed to give a polite nod. "Thanks." Naotsugu wandered off towards the elevators.

As the door closed behind the two, KR looked over at Naotsugu. "You really are dense aren't you?" The elevator door closed before Naotsugu could ask what it was about.

The janitor finished mopping his corner of floor and rolled his bucket over to KR's couch. Softly he asked, "Little Brother ...that was Tetorō ...wasn't it?"

KR looked up at his brother with a smile. "Yes, and fighting very hard to not kill Naotsugu for calling it a date."

"Why? Why did the American let it seem like one?" Haru was confused.

KR looked at Haru, silent for a moment, then said, "He is one. He's Purrcy-san's ice to keep her from becoming too American in Japan. When he's about to explode Tetorō's his ice, although he'd rather not be. The agreement is Tetorō goes in disguise so he won't get into trouble, so don't tell."

KR went back to his book. "They need better places to hide, though." Haru nodded and thoughtfully started mopping that corner of the main floor.

-:-:-:-:-

Tetorō spouted off about stupid sword jocks for the walk it took to get to the subway station, to get that out of his system. When he was done and they were in a darker part of the street, night already falling under the towers of Tokyo, Gareth wrapped him in an arm over the shoulders and pulled him close so they were side by side and still walking forward.

"I wonder if he thought you were the female or the male?" Gareth asked in an almost suggestive whisper. "He's dense enough to have missed even the female under the male, I get that, but I wonder which it really was? Three layers should definitely be enough to confuse him."

Tetorō glared at Gareth, but did feel better. "He only saw male. He knows you."

"Then at least that part should work fine," Gareth gave a nod and let Tetorō go.

"Are we going straight there?" Tetorō asked. Gareth seemed a bit too angry to just have a simple evening.

"No. I thought since I went to the effort for Visual-K with all these layers and everything, that we'd hit the Visual-K cafe for the meal and to get relaxed. Then we can head on down for after-dinner-drinks. I'm going to need alcohol to finish this round out."

"That bad, huh?" Tetorō asked. He patted Gareth on the shoulder sympathetically. Their train arrival was called and they entered a car. Most people were getting off instead of on this time of day, and those who were getting on were dressed like they were, also headed down for night-time play time.

Tetorō had actually been the first one dressed. He'd gone with the simple loud black and white leggings, long grey t-shirt and long jacket over it, with sunglasses and a baseball cap. He'd combed his hair over one eye to further disguise his face, remembering that Gareth had said hiding the face was the hardest.

There were a few other guys who got on the train a few stops down who were also Visual-K. They moved to stand near-by, like calling to like. Tetorō paid more attention to Gareth, though. He liked what he was seeing tonight, too.

They'd purchased a straight black wig for him. He had the bangs parted in the center and hanging down to frame his face. Goggles that he could pull down over his eyes were on his head, and the pointed face-mask hung at his neck. He was almost Japanese. His skin tone was too sallow, but ...that added to the Visual-K look.

The long black jacket with buckles and zippers was too much. It made a bold statement, but it was supposed to. The layers of long shirts under it with loud prints - kept small because they'd learned first that large prints didn't work - almost faded into the background.

That tickled Tetorō even more, though, because it meant he got his black and white tiger stripes and they worked with the overall effect. The black skinny jeans with zippers inset up the sides were attention drawing as well, and the floppy oversized tennis shoes rounded out the ensemble. He'd had to carry all that in five shopping bags. Tetorō's outfit had fit with room to spare in his bag.

Gareth had also purchased one other pair of tight pants that day. The long shirts could be mixed and matched with the pants they'd already gotten plus that one, and the shoes would go with any of them as well. Gareth had admitted to also getting the last outfit with the jacket from the first shopping trip so he had everything he needed to cover his basics for some time to come.

"You headed to the cafe?" one of the other Visual-K's finally worked up to asking.

"Yeah," Gareth answered easily. "It's my first time, actually. I'm overseas and like the look. Can you give me some clues for what it's really about?" That got them all heavily involved all the way to the cafe. They laughed at him when he put on the display of the role as they directed it on the walk down past the shops.

Tetorō took his own notes. He hadn't had the courage to try that one yet. Most masculine looks were harder for him to approach, which was why he'd gone simple. When he reached for Gareth and pulled him back, as if shy and needy, that got the full attention of the rest on him. They'd been ignoring him for the most part until then.

"So what are you doing? Don't have the courage?"

Tetorō decided to be like Gareth this round. "Actually, no, I don't. It's my first time to cos-play male. I thought I'd better keep it toned down to a more natural feel and look until I can get it. I've enjoyed watching your lessons. I might have the courage to try it next time."

He got teasing looks and some encouragement to try, but mostly they went back to ignoring him. That was fine. It was normal for the two sexes to ignore each other in groups like this. If they were, it meant the female in hiding was working. Visual-K was the male equivalent to the female lolita - meant to be all male to the exclusion of the females. It wouldn't have worked for him to come dressed as a female this time either.

Gareth allowed Tetorō to pull them back just a bit so they entered the Visual-K cafe as just a pair. With relief, they were able to order and sit where they pleased. Tetorō wasn't the only one not in Visual-K, but he would have been the only woman in the room that night, so he stayed just a little nervous, overdoing the casual male.

It was definitely more strenuous to play both and have the natural one the one on top. He managed to get the hang of it half-way through the meal with Gareth's silent pointers and tongue-in-cheek barbs. That also got Gareth more relaxed and out of the office, which was nice. By the desert round, which Tetorō enjoyed immensely, they were into their roles quite nicely.

"I liked not having to pretend like I wasn't hungry," Tetorō sighed happily as they walked out of the cafe.

"You still didn't eat enough," Gareth frowned at him. "Five plates instead of three isn't eating that much more."

"Says the brute who ate twelve. Where do you put all of that plus fifteen cups of water?"

"Fifteen, he says," Gareth groaned. "I hurt from getting up and down that many times to get the refills. In the States that would have been maybe one super-size cup and probably only one large. We drink at least one large with the meal and another one on the way back into work and finish it before we get home. Why you all don't shrivel up and blow away like dust I have no idea."

They both shook heads at each other, but smiled. It was a nice walk down to the hentai cafes. It wasn't too hot or too cold. It had gotten dark enough Tetorō's sunglasses were hooked to his t-shirt collar now.

Gareth took off his goggles and face mask and shoved them into the deep pockets of his overcoat. Tetorō glared a little at him. "I think they'll get in the way of drinking and I don't want to lose them," Gareth explained. Tetorō could get that. "You'll drink light," Gareth warned.

"I don't have to, but I would have to play the very drunk woman. I've seen that enough with Nazuna and Rieze that wouldn't be hard, but I'd rather keep to trying to play the other roles I've got going, I think. What kind of drunk are you?"

Gareth glared at him. "What kind do you think?"

Tetorō stared at him, then spurted a laugh into his hand. "The wet soppy kind that will tell a sob story just so he can cry and get as many in the room to cry with him."

"There you go," Gareth answered. "So don't let me drink too much either. Purrcy's got too many secrets for me to be blabbing them while drunk."

"Ah...that's true," Tetorō was suddenly a little sober just at that. He'd best be remembering exactly who he was watching over tonight and stick to one drink to savor for a long time. "Please drink like a Japanese man tonight. Savor them slowly or it will be a very short night for you."

Gareth gave him an impatient look. "Isn't the point to forget?"

"Not for you, not here." It was going to turn into a fight. Tetorō held up a hand. "Look. Let's do it in two parts. Let's keep it to two or three drinks here, to see if I can pass the test and so you can see what the place is like.

"If you even want to go have one drink at each to see if there are differences and which one you'd prefer to visit, that would be okay. I can get a soft drink after the first one. Then we'll take it back home and pick up a bottle or two, or a six pack if you prefer beer, on the way back. You can get as drunk as you want when it's just the two of us and then neither of us will have to worry about getting into trouble."

Gareth looked away. "Fine."

-:-:-:-:-

Tetorō wanted to cry. Gareth was so mad he could barely talk. His longer strides kept making him move ahead of Tetorō. Tetorō would let him just run off, except for his own requirement to keep an eye on him.

They'd done fine at the beginning. Most of the men in the cafe had ignored him as soon as they'd caught the whiff of female. They'd been annoyed that Gareth had brought one in, though, even if it was a cos-play practice. They'd only stayed for the one drink and moved on.

Gareth had asked him quietly on the way to the next place to drop the female if he could or at least tone it down to feminine male. That had brought both of them more alpha suitors than either one wanted and a single drink had been more than enough there also. If the attention hadn't been so high, they probably could have tolerated it a little better since it hadn't been bad.

The third place had been full of wolves. When one of them tried to kiss Tetorō and Gareth had interfered in cold anger, they'd had to flee or start a brawl. It felt like the last time they'd been to the cafe strip, only worse since they really hadn't expected to get the responses they'd gotten and they'd tried harder this time to blend in somewhat. But Gareth couldn't go home this way and if he got any more alcohol in him he'd be the angry drunk instead of the sad one and there would be too much destruction.

Tetorō caught up to Gareth at a stop light that had traffic. He grabbed Gareth's hand and pulled him into the next bus that was just stopping at the corner. He dragged him all the way back to the back of the bus after passing his transit pass over the reader twice.

He made Gareth sit down next to him and quickly scanned the overhead maps. Three stops later, he was pulling Gareth out of the back door of the bus. Half a block and there was a convenience store. "Say here! Don't move!" Tetorō ordered and entered the store.

In short order he had alcohol in hand and was collecting Gareth again. Three blocks down was a city park. Tetorō hunted until he found them a dark secluded spot that wasn't already taken, glad it was a Tuesday instead of a weekend so there was actually an open spot.

He made Gareth hit something other than him until he had the anger out of his system. Then he stood patiently while Gareth grabbed him in a hug and apologized for putting him into such a terrible position so unexpectedly.

When it felt like Gareth was recovering at least a little, Tetorō pushed him down to sitting with his back to the tree they were standing under, opened the first can of beer, and handed it over. It was gone and handed back. Tetorō handed over the next one and it was half-gone and held on to. That surprised him a little. He'd expected Gareth to go though four straight before slowing down.

He was surprised again when the hand reaching up grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sitting next to Gareth. Gareth's arm went around Tetorō's shoulders and the last of that can disappeared down into that super-expandable American stomach. Gareth crushed the can in one hand, dropped it on the ground in front of them and lifted the third open can in Tetorō's hand out of it, but he didn't drink yet.

Tetorō leaned forward and pulled the open bag over closer to him, but he waited to open the next can. He tossed the crushed can into the bag. Tetorō checked on Gareth next. His eyes were closed and his head was resting back against the trunk of the tree behind them. Tetorō let him finish stewing in silence, pulling up his knees to his chest to hold his legs and wait.

"You know," Gareth finally said, surprisingly not slurring at all, "it really isn't all that different in America either." Tetorō looked at him, but waited, resting his head on his knees.

"Everyone is afraid to say it in the open, but for all the hype and open concept, it's only the few who are angry that push it into everyone's faces. When you walk into a bar, if you look gay the rest move away and won't meet your eyes. When you walk into the few gay bars, like L.A. has plenty of, half are playing, some are thinking about it but not committed, a good number are sharks and wolves looking for someone to hurt.

"Trying to find someone who can be a kind spousal sort of partner for life is extremely difficult. It does happen and those few can make it work, though I've seen half of those end, too, as age, jealousy, whatever, gets in the way. Very few make it to the end of a long life together.

"Those rare few are rather marvelous, and the pipe dream of those of us who are just naturally the way we are but can't find the right sort of other person in this huge world. Even in one state you can't find such a partner easily, that's how few we really are.

"The military still has a stigma against gays, too. The guys were patient with me because Mike was. On Theldesia we were around each other long enough they all figured it out, but I was going for keeping it secret my whole stint through. It wasn't worth trying once I learned how difficult it was to find anyone worth being with - and I wanted to fly over the ocean.

"I suppose you could say I was a test subject for them. The guys were rougher on me than anyone else for it. Mike made me his wingman to counterbalance it. Then I could be the brown nose teacher's pet and behind the scenes punching bag of the class. Best of both worlds." He gave a cynical laugh and drank another gulp of the liquor in his hand.

Tetorō understood. That kind of thing happened in the schools of Japan, too, which was why saying things like they were a yakuza gang wasn't funny to them really. They weren't bullies in that kind of sense.

Gareth was silent for a while longer, then he pulled Tetorō over and kissed the side of his head and let him go, putting both hands in his lap to encircle his drink after stretching his legs out in front of him. "You were something a little different and special for a while. I got to see that there were others not so different from me, even if we were one in two billion. It hurt to have you go cold and hard like everyone else - like a betrayal." Tetorō hid his face in his knees.

"Mike and Purrcy explained it to me, though, and I couldn't fault you. I know family is everything here and if family drops you, you're lower than the eel trying to squirm out of the mud. There we can move and make our way where no one knows your name or your family and their name."

Gareth shifted and was quiet long enough Tetorō looked over. He'd lifted the far knee and was resting his arm and head on it. Tetorō looked at Gareth until he had to look away, putting his chin on his knees again. "I know tonight's not about me, but I've been wanting to tell you something about me I've not told anyone."

"I'm listening," Gareth said quietly.

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when my father makes me get married and of the expectations after that." Gareth's hand flipped over, palm up, an offer. Tetorō ignored it for a moment, but his hand slipped into it on its own before he could get any more words out. He held on tight as he talked.

"Back at the beginning of the catastrophe ...when things were really bad everywhere ...I ...was raped." Gareth's hand squeezed back very tightly with his own reaction. "I've worked hard on forgetting and not being affected by it, but sometimes things happen that make it come out again."

"That's why you had such a severe reaction back when you brought Purrcy back from the shrine the second time?" Gareth asked.

"Yeah. I was asleep and dreaming it at the time even, struggling to get out of it with everything I had for the second time. I actually needed real hands on me to wake me up out of it since I couldn't break free of the dream.

"But because that's where I'd been, the guy lost his head and a whole lot more in my release of fear and anger. I really came to despise Izanagi in that moment. I'd mostly forgotten it by then and it remained to keep me in fear for months after that."

"Which saved you from the rest of us," Gareth pointed out practically, lifting his head enough to look at Tetorō.

"Okay. I'll grant that much," Tetorō agreed. "But that's not really where I'm going. Since I was male in a female body it was a far worse thing I think than it could have been.

"When I think of having to sleep with a wife to make an heir all I can do is be reminded of how awful it was to be with a man in that way. I don't want to do that with any woman - or man for that matter - ever. Even if I can marry a woman for my father, I don't think I can give him an heir."

"There is help for that, you know," Gareth said. "It isn't easy to overcome, particularly alone. If you could get to the point that you could be with her on occasion it might be enough."

Tetorō shivered. "I suppose, if any woman could handle not being treated like a wife once she's married. I'd probably lose her to affairs left and right, or tears every night."

"There are some like you who would rather not be touched unless they had to be, but that doesn't mean your father will pick one," Gareth pointed out.

Tetorō nodded, still morose. "I almost wish I could talk to him about it before he does so that he could make a better choice."

Gareth gave him a kind smile. "You could get Hahaue involved. I don't know that she could do much either, but she always tries."

Tetorō shook his head. "I know. I've thought of that, too. Only if the right stars cross, maybe, but she does seem to show up in the right place at the right time, so I've kind of left that alone. She'll show up if that's to be part of the process."

He sighed. "That doesn't help with the fact that I'm afraid to face things after any sort of wedding that I'm the groom of. I suppose I could go looking for someone to help me through the trauma enough so that I can fulfill my duty properly. As a proper son, heir, and husband, I should. I just don't want to have to walk through it again."

Gareth nodded. "I don't think you have to. I think you can just ask for ways to walk through the aftermath so you can be effective in the way you need to be effective." He paused, then said, "Honestly, Tetorō, I have a different concern, if you'll let me say it."

Tetorō wasn't sure, but they were already into this rather deep so he gave a nod, although he looked away. Gareth squeezed Tetorō's hand. "It's this. The fact that you are a lot more woman inside than most people of Japan can handle in a man.

"You locked yourself up real tight and got super-scolded for it, and it looks like you're doing better, but once you're married, will a wife of that class be able to help you when you need this?"

Tetorō shook his head. "It's highly unlikely. I might get married to a mouse who would love to just cuddle when we're at home, but that's a long shot. I could deal with that kind, I think."

He laughed just a little. "I need a Raynessia. Bored, completely disinterested, obedient to a fault, and knows how to hostess perfectly regardless. Then she wouldn't mind me ignoring her until we had to obediently produce an heir."

He sighed. "I've thought of this, too, actually." He went silent for a while, then picked up one of the cans still sitting next to him. He opened it one-handed and took a drink.

"I think, I will become a broken old man early," he said lightly. Gareth tisked at him. Tetorō continued to ignore him. This was hard, to say things aloud, even if they needed to be said.

He leaned back into Gareth's chest to pin him against the tree so he couldn't move. His heart beat hard with the fear these thoughts and words brought up for him, to actually say them aloud. "You are mine. ...I wanted to say those words so many times this night, to see you talking to the others even early on. I was using it to play the role, but it was a lot louder this time than last time." Tetorō scowled to let his emotions out so he could keep talking. "It's irritating to be jealous for you when I don't want you and don't know how to even make that work.

"I don't like you being forward because it pulls out my fears and disgust, but when you are quiet and strong like that ...it is hard to not be the jealous girlfriend." Tetorō could feel his face going hot. "It's most annoying." Gareth's breathing had increased in speed and had gone shallow and he was holding very still.

"I think if you were to stay, I would be able to have someone to hold me, but it could only be when we were very alone with no one to see or understand, not even my wife and certainly not my children. It would be very difficult. I haven't been able to resolve it. Particularly when you want more than I'm willing to allow or to give."

Gareth's head landed on Tetorō's head. "You are so impossible. I don't even know why I stay around. My heart beats and I have to restrain myself so hard. Then you abuse me and send me away coldly. And then you will do this and I want to kiss you, knowing if I do you will only beat me again and run far away again. It really isn't fair, you know." His drink can crinkled a bit as his grip tightened on it.

"I've been trying to see if I can stand by you without touching you in ways that will make you run and truly hate me. It is so difficult when you then do this and become too vulnerable." Gareth took a deep breath. "I think if we could find a balance and stay in that place it would be possible.

"When you need to be too vulnerable, if you turned to your wife with those emotions, perhaps you and she could then find it possible to be husband and wife. But when you needed the more simple restraint and holding for comfort and understanding in greater measure than she could comprehend, I would be able to provide that without becoming dangerous."

"Is that kind to you?" Tetorō asked. "Can you withstand for the rest of your life in that way?"

"Tetorō," Gareth said slowly, "...that's what I was trying to tell you. I haven't expected it to ever happen for me. It was already only a dream even with you, one I wasn't surprised to have spurned."

Gareth let go of Tetorō's hand and wrapped that arm around Tetorō's shoulder and chest to hold him tightly in place. His head turned and he pressed his lips on Tetorō's head. "If I could even just do that much, I would be content." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I already don't want anyone else."

"I think you'll be miserable," Tetorō answered.

"I think you'll let me decide that," Gareth answered, refusing him the right to care that deeply.

Tetorō frowned, but had to admit in the part of his heart that was being honest tonight that he'd prefer it that way. If he cared too deeply, he wouldn't be able to do what he needed to do. There was a part of him that hurt, that he had to give that level of relationship up, that he had to be something other than what he himself wanted to be.

But a greater part of him relaxed, comforted with the thought that Gareth could continue to stand with him. "Then...when I am called away from Log Horizon to return to my father, will you come with me and stand as my personal guard and assistant?"

"If you can learn to not put me into the dangerous zone, then yes, I will come with you," Gareth answered.

Tetorō sighed. "That means right now, too, doesn't it?"

"Yes. That's why I'm holding you. If I don't we're both in trouble. Just hold still and drink your can while I drink mine. When I can move without taking you here and now, we'll go back." That was enough of a threat that Tetorō just sat quietly, enjoying the peaceful feeling of having a strong protector at his back and a warm arm around him.

Gareth's victory song: Blackbird, written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. See the TechnoMagus Playlist: patr(e)on dot com slash posts slash 38313670