Sho couldn't even remember drawing this stuff.
Between meals of plain rice and noodles he and Fukuda had spent the day digging through all the treasures in the Treasure Room. All of the Treasure Rooms. He'd spent the whole looking through room after room after room. There were more treasure rooms in this house than there were actual rooms. He could have spent his entire life, the rest of it, looking through all the treasures in this house.
But he couldn't.
"Well this is a nice….building?" asked Fukuda as he pulled one of Sho's old drawings out of a folder. Dad kept pretty much every single thing that Sho had ever drawn. He kept them all in blank folders, like he didn't want anyone to know that he had a son and that his son was stupid enough to draw pictures of stuff for him. Sho didn't blame him. That drawing was almost as stupid as the kid who'd drawn it.
"It's a birthday cake. See? I wrote down what all the layers are supposed to be." Said Sho. It was such a dumb picture that Sho had to lean over and explain it. Dad had understood it, when Sho had first drawn it. Dad had stolen it and then gotten him all the cakes that he had drawn. Sho didn't know why. When he had been a kid, a little kid, he had told himself that dad had gotten him all of those cakes because he loved him.
He had been such a dumb kid back then.
He knew better now.
Dad saved his drawings because dad was a weirdo and a jerk and this was just his way of being a weird jerk. Even now Sho had to be careful about where he left his sketchbooks, not just the private ones but the normal ones too, since dad still liked to steal his drawings. Dad just wanted to make his day a little but worse. Not a lot worse, not like killing him or anything like that, but a little bit worse. Just enough to be annoying. Dad was such a weirdo sometimes.
Maybe Sho was a weirdo too. He was the one looking through this junk, junk nobody even cared about….well aside from Fukuda.
"Wait, I think I remember this. Your mom told me about-" said Fukuda
"It's not a good drawing." Said Sho before he yanked it out of Fukuda's hand. He held it. This really did suck. His lines were shaky, nothing was the size it should have been, and the types of cake weren't even spelled right. He had no idea why dad had held onto this or any of his old drawings.
"I thought that it was good." Said Fukuda
"Well then you're as big of a weirdo as dad is." Said Sho. Fukuda shrugged. He didn't even argue. Good. There was no point in arguing something that was so clearly true. Sho had seen the tapes. Fukuda and dad had been weirdos when they had been kids. They used to blow up microwaves and ride wagons down mountains and set stuff on fire…also there was that weird kaiju movie they made that didn't get an ending. Dad wound up biting Fukuda and then Fukuda bit him back and then the camera cut out. That was how it always ended, how the tapes always ended. Dad and Fukuda couldn't even say 'the end' they were such weirdos.
"It really was a good drawing." Said Fukuda. He reached over and patted Sho on the back. He twisted away from Fukuda. He didn't need Fukuda to lie to him. He knew that his drawings from when he had been little sucked. Little kid drawings always sucked…well not Mukai's, because she was the best little sister in the whole world, but his definitely sucked. Big sis's had been pretty bad too but she had never gotten that much better so it wasn't as bad.
Sho wasn't a little kid anymore.
"Shut up." Said Sho. Fukuda nodded and pulled his hand away. He sighed, too, like he was sad….he didn't have any reason to be sad. Neither did Sho.
"Alright, alright, I'll shut up." Said Fukuda. He held up both hands like he was surrendering or something.
"Saying that you're going to shut up isn't the same as shutting up." Said Sho. Fukuda wasn't surrendering, no, he was just acting like it. If he had really been surrendering then he would have stopped talking. He did that, sometimes, pretended like things were one way when they were really another. He had pretended for years that he was on Sho's side even now he tried to, but Sho knew who he was loyal to. Dad. Even if he pretended not to like dad he still did whatever he said, went wherever he went, and even called him a friend sometimes. Fukuda was never going to be on Sho's side no matter what he pretended.
"Yeah, when you put it like that it does kind of defeat the purpose." Said Fukuda
"So stop talking already and just…just let me do this." said Sho
"Alright…but can I just say one more thing?" asked Fukuda
"This had better not be about how good I am at drawing." Said Sho
"No, it's not about that." Said Fukuda
"Is this going to be about how we have to go home?" asked Sho. Fukuda had been talking about that on and off all day. Sho knew that Mukai missed him. He knew that she had spent the first two years of her life with him popping in and out of her life, how it must have been so hard on her, and he knew that he had finally gotten what they had both always wanted. They were brother and sister for real, now, and they could have fun together whenever they wanted to…and she probably wanted to play with him. She was probably crying right now because he wasn't there to play with her….and big sis…well she was probably happy that he was gone.
"No." said Fukuda
"Then what is it?" asked Sho
"Do you want plain rice or plain noodles for dinner?" Said Fukuda. Well that was…not what he had been expecting.
"Uh…noodles again." said Sho. He didn't want noodles or rice. He wanted poptarts. He wanted ice cream. He wanted frosting on crackers. He wanted ranch, at least, if he had to have noodles. But there wasn't any ranch here. There was just rice and noodles, things that never went bad. Boring things. There was nothing worse than boring stuff, like Shimazaki had always said. He was right. Sho hated it when his food tasted boring. He would have even taken one of big sis's weird cheese curry things…if she still would have been willing to make him dinner after what he'd done to her.
Of course she wouldn't have wanted to make him dinner.
She was probably mad at him. She was probably so mad that she was happy that he was gone. She didn't have to take care of him anymore. Now it was just her and baby sis…that is if she even went home. Fukuda had said that he had seen her waiting for a train but she might have changed her mind and decided to stay with her boyfriend. Sho knew that, if he had been allowed to stay with Ritsu, that was what he would have done. But it was never going to happen. She got to have a boyfriend, not him. It was easier for her because she was a girl. Things had always been so easy for her. Never for him. Ever.
Even now.
"Alright. You want some soy sauce on those?" asked Fukuda. Sho stuck his tongue out. Fukuda liked to cook noodles in soy sauce instead of putting the sauce on later. He was so weird like that. Not even big sis did that and she was a worse cook than Shibata when he tried to make foreign food. Fukuda was so weird. No wonder dad liked him. No wonder he wanted to get back to dad. Sho could tell that it was coming, probably after dinner. Fukuda was going to ask him to go home because he was scared of dad…or because he missed him…and then he would have to go. Mukai missed him. Big sis was mad at him…well it might have passed, she never stayed mad for long…so maybe they were ok. Maybe she missed him…or maybe she had gone back to her boyfriend. Maybe she was off having fun and stuff while Sho was here with nothing better to do than argue about dinner and dig through all of his old junk.
It wasn't fair…but then again life had never really been fair to him.
"No, you always put too much. I just want plain noodles, but only the long and flat ones." Said Sho
"We're out of those. We have thin spaghetti and egg noodles." Said Fukuda
"Why don't we just starve to death then?" asked Sho. He would have eaten anything, even a lemon, above plain spaghetti noodles or egg noodles. The egg noodles were the worst. Big sis knew he hated them, that was why she never got them. She always got him the kind that were long and flat even if they didn't go with what they were eating. She always thought about him like that. If she could remember what kind of noodles he liked then why couldn't she remember what 'cover for me' meant? Why did she have to…to go and….
Because she was big sis.
"Sho, come on, you know that we can't starve to death." Said Fukuda
"Well maybe you can't but I can." Said Sho
"No, I can. Your dad and I tested that. I can go a week without food before I start getting dizzy and…well let's just got with unpleasant. What I meant was that we can't starve to death here. They'd never find our bodies and our spirits would end up haunting the Earth. Not a very good fate if you ask me." Said Fukuda
"The spirits don't seem to mind being dead." Said Sho. He didn't want to die, like throw himself in front of a train or drink the cleaning stuff under the sink, but if he just died in his sleep or something then he probably wouldn't have minded. He would have just left his body and been a spirit, did spirit things. He wouldn't have had to worry about stuff as a spirit and he wouldn't have had as many feelings, either. He saw them all the time, spirits, and they never seemed bothered. They just sort of walked around and stuff like they did when they were still alive. Not that he wanted to be dead, of course, he just…wanted being alive to be more like being a spirit.
"Not the ones who don't know that they're dead. Most of them just sort of go about their lives. I can't even see those, not unless I really focus. Evil spirits, though, they hate being dead. I think that might be why they attack the living. Your dad and I tried to figure it out back when we were a little older than you. We even tracked down this psychic, Mogami, but…well let me tell you, never meet your heroes." Said Fukuda. He shook his head like he was trying to shake out a memory. Sho wished that it worked that way. Fukuda had been talking about back when he and dad had been kids all day. Sho didn't know why.
They'd both seen the tapes.
Dad had been as much of a bossy jerk when he'd been a kid as he was now. The only difference was Fukuda hit him back, back then, and even hit first sometimes. Sho knew that if he had been in Fukuda's place he would have found another friend. He had been afraid of dad back then, probably, just like he was afraid of dad now. Fuck that. Sho wasn't afraid. He wasn't going to let dad ruin any more of his life than he had now. He didn't want to have to shake any memories loose when he grew up and told his son about when he had been a kid.
Or maybe big sis's son since he and Ritsu couldn't have kids and he'd been ignoring Emmy for weeks, now, so she must have been ready to break up with him.
He wouldn't have been even a little bit upset. He was a bad boyfriend. Good boyfriends didn't cheat, and definitely not with other guys. She deserved better. He wondered if today had been the day when she finally decided to break up with him. Then he could be with Ritsu…well no, actually, because Ritsu was away somewhere and Sho was going to have to leave Japan soon. Baby sis wanted to meet Santa so that meant that they were going to some country in Europe, not the North Pole, since Santa didn't really live there. He wasn't even real but nobody was going to tell baby sis that, not even Shimazaki, and he loved messing with people. In a few days or whatever there was going to be a whole world in between him and Ritsu…and he didn't know how long that would end up lasting for….
Too long. He knew that it would last for way too long.
"I mean your dad played his part in that, too. He actually tried to get Mogami to fight him, and only because Mogami called himself the greatest psychic of the twentieth century. He didn't, of course, he just tried to curse us…and then he killed himself a week later. I, uh, forgot about that part." Said Fukuda
"Why'd he kill himself?" asked Sho
"Nobody knows. One day they just found his body and that was it. No note or anything." Said Fukuda
"Did he come back as a spirit?" asked Sho
"No idea, your dad and I never found anything, anyway. We went all the way to Taketomi and even slept in the cemetery. We were this close to digging him up, too, before the caretaker chased us out." Said Fukuda
"That's dumb." Said Sho
"I know but we were kids. We weren't going to let a little thing like possible criminal charges stop us." Said Fukuda
"No I mean that it was dumb because he could have come back as a zombie or something. I mean I don't know if you can turn but dad could have…actually that wouldn't have been so bad. Zombies don't last that long if they don't eat people." Said Sho
"There's no such thing as zombies, Sho, we've been over this." said Fukuda
"But what if he had accidentally gotten buried in the pet cemetery?" asked Sho
"We've been over that, too. Not every pet cemetery is going to bring people back to life." Said Fukuda
"But some of them do. If he had come back as a zombie then you guys would have been fucked." Said Sho. He watched Fukuda. His mouth got really small, like he had been sucking on a lemon, but he didn't say 'language' or anything like that.
"Well then it's a good thing that there's no such thing as zombies, right?" asked Fukuda
"We don't know that. Normal people don't think that spirits are real but they are so zombies might be real. Some people must come back as zombies since there are so many zombie movies. Someone must have seen one and then come up with the idea…or something." Said Sho
"I hope to God that there aren't any zombies. I can't even imagine what that must be like." Said Fukuda
"If I died then I'd want to come back as a spirit. That way it would be like being alive but not really. Like with all the hard parts taken out and I wouldn't have to eat brains, either. I don't like brains, or raw meat, so I think that being a spirit would be great. Like I could do all the stuff I do now but I won't have to worry about stuff." Said Sho. Fukuda, again, looked like he was sucking on a lemon. Sho didn't know why. He hadn't even cursed, not even a little bit.
"That…isn't how it works, you know, dying." Said Fukuda. He rubbed the back of his head a lot. Maybe because he needed a haircut or something. Sho knew he needed one…but there wasn't anyone around to tell him to get one…but when he came back she would make him cut his hair.
"How do you know how it works? You've never died before and you're not a medium, either." Said Sho
"I don't need to die to know that it's nothing like being alive. Sho, spirits aren't like people. Some of them may look like people and some of them might not even know that they're dead but they aren't people. Not anymore." Said Fukuda
"But at least they don't have to worry about shit." Said Sho. He wondered what that would have been like, not ever worrying about anything. Just…being. Just being able to be. Even if it was just floating around it must have been better than worrying all the time or…or feeling like…like Sho gum. Worries and feelings sucked. No wonder dad was always trying to exorcise his feelings.
"But they're dead. Sho…death is permanent. I don't want you to think that death is…don't think about it, ok?" asked Fukuda. His aura was jumping around like he was scared or something. Sho didn't get it…but he didn't get a lot of things about Fukuda.
"I don't think about it that much. I just think about…I just wish that things were easier for me…sometimes. It isn't fair! It's like…like nothing's fair. I didn't even get to see Ritsu and I can't go home-" said Sho
"You are home." Said Fukuda. Sho didn't hit him, he was proud of that.
"This isn't my home. This is just a house." Said Sho
"Sho-" said Fukuda
"It's not home without mom….and big sis….and baby sis, too. I don't care about dad." Said Sho
"You have a point. This place isn't the same without your mother." Said Fukuda
"Yeah…" said Sho. Fukuda got it….someone got it. This was mom's house but she was gone and…and really gone. Gone for real. Gone forever. She'd just left and…and it wasn't like he was any better. Mukai had probably woken up thinking that he'd be there to play with her but then he wasn't and…and she probably cried…and she was probably wondering what she had ever done to make him want to leave her.
"I keep on thinking that she's going to come around the corner any second now and ask us what we're doing or…or tell us that dinner's done or…or anything, really." Said Fukuda
"Stop talking about mom." Said Sho. Fukuda talked about her like…like she hadn't left. Like it hadn't been anything. Leaving…it was something. She hadn't thought about him or…or how he would feel. Fukuda thought that she had but what did he know? Mom wasn't his mom, he didn't know her. They just hung out sometimes. Mom had taken care of Sho for his entire life…he knew her…and he knew that she hadn't given a fuck about her kids. Well Sho gave a fuck. He gave a lot of fucks. He gave all the fucks in the world, the most fucks that anyone had ever given!
"I'm sorry, I know that she's a sore subject-" said Fukuda
"I said stop it! Stop talking about her like…like you miss her! She wasn't your mom, she was my mom. She was my mom and then she left-" said Sho
"She did what she thought was best, Sho, I told you that. She thought…she thought that she was doing the right thing." Said Fukuda
"Well she didn't! She left me all alone and…and she didn't even think about me! You think that she did but-but you didn't know her. She's my mom…not yours….she was my mom." Said Sho
"She's still your mom. No matter where she goes or what she does she's still your mom." Said Fukuda
"I don't care if she's my mom on the other side of the world or whatever. I want her to be my mom right here. It doesn't matter if she's my mom in some other place if I'm not with her. It's like how if a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it then it won't make a sound." Said Sho. Fukuda laughed…he actually laughed!
"Hey!" said Sho
"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. You just…that was funny. That's an age old riddle but you figured it out." Said Fukuda
"Well, yeah, what's the point of a sound if nobody's around to hear it?" asked Sho
"Not everything has to have a point, you know." Said Fukuda
"Yeah…I know. Stuff just kind of happens….good stuff and bad stuff….or whatever. Big sis gets all the good stuff and I get all the bad stuff. That's how it's always been. Don't try and tell me that it's not." Said Sho
"Sho…I won't fight you about this. Your sister has an easier life than you but…but that life comes with it's own problems. Ones that you'll learn more about when you get older. You at least get to be a kid so treasure that for as long as you can." Said Fukuda
"Yeah, I'll put it in the Treasure Room." Said Sho sarcastically. If Shimazaki had been around then he would have thought that Sho had turned into Minegishi. Not in the good way, though, not in the love way…not that he wanted anything to do with love. Not unless he was with Ritsu.
"I'm serious. You need to treasure this time. One day you're going to wake up and wonder where the time's gone. You're going to look back at this time in your life and think about what you could have done with this time. Before you had the weight of…adult life…on your shoulders." Said Fukuda
"Being a kid sucks. You can't do anything and nobody takes you seriously and…and I wish that I could just grow up already. Then I could take the world from dad…I could take Claw from him. I'd be bigger and stronger…I'm still too little…" said Sho
"That's…that's good….that's a good idea. Waiting until you're old enough to inherit the world." Said Fukuda.
"No, I didn't mean inherit it. I meant take it from him. I'd beat him up so bad he couldn't move and then…then I'd take it all from him. Since you won't help me." Said Sho. Fukuda just sighed and patted him on the back.
"It's better than your last idea." Said Fukuda
"No, not really. It would have been better if I had help…but you won't help me. You're too scared of dad. Everyone is. They're either scared of him or on his side." Said Sho. Big sis would never have helped him. Baby sis might have…if he got her on his side…but the others were too scared. Even the bravest person he had ever met in his life. The first person he had ever loved….he couldn't believe he had ever been in love with someone who was scared of dad.
"Sometimes it's hard to understand people, Sho. It's not as simple as being scared of your dad or not…or being on his side or not. Things get complicated when you become an adult. Me, your parents, your friends…it's all very complicated." Said Fukuda
"Mom and dad aren't complicated. Dad's a jerk because he was born a jerk and mom left because she didn't give a fuck about me. You think that she did but I know that she didn't. She's my mom, I know her, and she wasn't complicated." Said Sho. Fukuda's aura flared as best as it could. His face stayed the same, it always did. The only way to tell what he really felt was by watching his aura, kind of like with dad.
"Well…you were a very little boy when she left. I know that it must have been hard on you and I know that you probably have a lot of anger towards her. But you've got to know that she loves you. No matter where she goes or what she does she still loves you." Said Fukuda
"Why couldn't she love me from right here?" asked Sho. He wiped his eyes. Fukuda tried to help him. He slapped his hand away. He didn't need help. He wasn't a little kid. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't Mukai. She was still little enough to cry. She was probably crying right now. She didn't know where he was or why he had left her and…and he still loved her, there wasn't anything that could ever make him stop loving his little sister, but she didn't know that…she was way too little…
She was way too little to feel this way.
"Sho, how many times do I have to tell you that-" said Fukuda
"When are we going home?" asked Sho. Fukuda's jaw actually dropped. Sho didn't know what his problem was, he was the one who'd been going on and on and on about how they had to get home before got there.
"You…what, now?" asked Fukuda. He looked like he was going to faint, if he even could.
"Home. You know, that place where my sisters are?" asked Sho. He didn't know what was so shocking about that.
"You…you actually want to go home?" asked Fukuda
"I have to." Said Sho. He wasn't mom. He wasn't going to run away from his family. He wasn't going to make big sis feel the way mom made him feel. He didn't get to run away from home, not when he had people who needed him. He had people who, sisters were, a little sister who needed her big brother. He didn't get to run away from home. He wasn't mom. He didn't known why she had run away and it didn't matter. He wasn't her. He was Sho and…and he had to be better than that.
He had to be better than his parents, to get better, like he had gotten better at drawing.