If Miss Suzuki thought that the sky was pretty then Serizawa thought so too.
"It's so pretty here…the sky, I mean." Said Miss Suzuki. She had said that before, twice before, but she was Miss Suzuki and she could repeat herself as often as she wanted to. This was their last day here so maybe she was just trying to take in as much of the sky as she could…or maybe she liked repeating herself. He didn't know and he wasn't going to question her. He was just happy to be near to her.
Even if they had to be under the…the sky….
"It's very nice." Said Serizawa. Not a lie. He knew that the sky was nice, all the colors in it, and the stars. Other people liked it, Miss Suzuki liked it, so he could pretend to like it…even though he wanted nothing more than to close all the curtains and get back into his room and under his covers and just wait until he was back in Japan or wherever they were headed to next. He didn't, though, because that would have been very rude to Miss Suzuki.
She had gone through all the trouble of coming here to spend time with him. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her all alone or upset her or…or anything like that.
"Are you still scared of it? If you are then I could…then we could go somewhere else. Somewhere without windows." Said Miss Suzuki. There wasn't any place around here without windows, windows were the point of this place. This was where people came to see the sky, well that and Christmas things. Lots and lots of Christmas things. Meeting Santa and getting Christmas presents and getting Christmas candy and that stuff that Miss Suzuki was drinking.
He passed her his cup.
She took a drink. That gave him time to think. He had to come up with something that wasn't a lie but wouldn't make her feel bad. If he told her that he wanted to leave this place right now then of course she would have, she was a good friend like that, but that wouldn't have been good of him. He had to be a good friend to her in return and that meant not ruining their trip or anything else. Even if they were about to go he couldn't mess this up…but he messed everything up. He messed everything up and he had no idea how he could fix what he messed up or how to avoid messing up or-
Her hand was over his.
"If you're scared then we can go somewhere else. I have planes…well the plane people have planes. You can fly anywhere in a plane…but not to the ocean…do you want to go to the ocean? I think Mukai does." Said Miss Suzuki
"I-I'm fine. I was just thinking about how I didn't want to mess this up for you and then I thought about how I always mess things up and-" said Serizawa
"No! You don't mess things up! You're great and…and I don't want you to say things like that about yourself. You're my friend and none of my friends are allowed to feel bad about yourself. Now drink this." said Miss Suzuki. She passed him her cup. He took it in his free hand and spun it around so it was away from the part that she had drank from. He didn't really want to drink this, it was made from fruit juice but it didn't taste like fruit or juice one bit. It burned going down and made his head feel all light and weird. He still did as he asked, of course. He was her friend and this was what friends did. Friends did whatever their friends told them to do. Even if they didn't want to.
"See? Don't you feel better now?" asked Miss Suzuki. Serizawa nodded. He didn't feel better…just different…but if she thought that he felt better then he felt better. He wasn't going to contradict her. He had to be a better friend to her than that.
"I feel…a lot better, Miss Suzuki, thank you." Said Serizawa
"See? I knew that you would. Next time…if dad ever lets me throw a great big Christmas party then we're going to have this. Lots and lots of this." said Miss Suzuki
"That sounds…that sounds like a great idea! You always have the best ideas, Miss Suzuki." Said Serizawa. He had said the right thing…at least he thought that he'd said the right thing. Obviously he hadn't. Miss Suzuki's aura came in close around her, like she was trying to hide under it. Oh…oh no…he'd messed up again!
"I-I'm sorry!" said Serizawa
"About what?" asked Miss Suzuki
"I-I said the wrong thing and made you sad." Said Serizawa
"No. I thought the wrong thing and made myself sad." Said Miss Suzuki
"I…I don't know what you mean." Said Serizawa. He had no idea what she had to be sad about. She was Miss Suzuki, she was wonderful! She was smart and nice and the best friend that he ever could have asked for. She was always taking care of him and everyone else but not because she had to, no, but because she was a good person. He had no idea what someone like her could have been sad about. Whatever it was must have been really bad….he wished that he had his umbrella. He could have covered her with it…that would have been a terrible idea. They were indoors. He was so dumb sometimes. He was so lucky that she put up with him. Who else would have put up with someone who couldn't make them feel better? Even if their problems were probably worse than any problems you could possibly think of. Probably.
"It's nothing." Said Miss Suzuki
"A-Are you sure? Because…because I think that if something is bothering you then it must be important. I mean you're such a good friend and I wish that I could make you feel better and I don't like it when you're sad and I know that you wouldn't have been sad if it wasn't important and…and I'm sorry…for talking so much." Said Serizawa
"No, you talk the right amount. I'm not really sad. Just…ok, a little bit…but it's about stuff that I can't tell you about. If I tell you then you'll tell Hatori because you and him are friends and then Hatori will tell my dad because he and dad are friends and then my dad's going to know and the last thing I want is for my dad to know." Said Miss Suzuki
"I can keep a secret. I mean I can keep your secrets. I mean you're such a good friend to me that I can keep your secrets. I mean I know that you would keep mine, if I had any, because you're such a good friend and I should be a good friend back to you. I mean." Said Serizawa
"I kept your secret." Said Miss Suzuki
"I have a secret?" asked Serizawa
"Yes, about how you kissed Minegishi." Said Miss Suzuki. Serizawa could feel himself turning red. He tucked his head down low. Hatori wasn't listening, he was in the bedroom playing Minecraft with President Suzuki and that usually took his full attention, but…but he could have taken his headphones off and in that split second he could have heard what Miss Suzuki said and then he would have known and…ok, so that was a secret. People couldn't know about that! That was really private and…and it kind of hurt to think about…but it hurt in a way that he had never hurt before. A way that he didn't want people knowing about….aside from Miss Suzuki, of course, since she was such a good friend to him.
"Sorry, I guess that saying it out loud doesn't make it a secret anymore." Said Miss Suzuki
"No, no, that's alright. Hatori is busy anyway and…and….um…it's ok. I mean I don't feel bad. Not about you talking about it." Said Serizawa
"I should be better at keeping your secrets, though, yours and everyone else's. I'm only good at keeping my own…but there's so many of them. It's like when you go shopping but you have too many bags and you can't even use your telekinesis to hold them because there are normal people around and then you pass a Starbucks and you want some warm milk with vanilla in it but you don't have enough hands. Do you know what I mean?" asked Miss Suzuki
"Not exactly…but if you want me to keep your secrets then I will. I mean if I was with you and you had a lot of things to hold then I would have helped you. I'm a lot stronger than you so…so I can carry whatever you need me to carry." Said Serizawa
"But you hate shopping and being outside with people." Said Miss Suzuki
"I do but I would still be there for you." Said Serizawa
"You're really nice, Serizawa. I hope that my baby is a nice as you when it's born…if it's born…if it's even a baby…I mean if it's even growing." Said Miss Suzuki. Serizawa nodded…and then nodded again…and then once more. Her hand was on her stomach, now, like moms did in shows and stuff. She…a baby….wow!
"I…um…congratulations!" said Serizawa. This was great! Miss Suzuki was going to have a baby! She was…wait, did girls her age have babies? He didn't know. He wasn't anyone's dad and he was never going to be anyone's dad so this wasn't one of those things he had to know about. That he had thought he had to know about. She was…wow! A baby! He…had never been around a baby before…but he could get used to it. To the baby. If it was anything like Miss Suzuki then he knew that he was going to love it and…and what if something went wrong? What if he hurt it on accident? They were so little…but Miss Suzuki would protect her baby. She was going to be a good mom.
"Thanks…but don't tell anyone. It's a secret. The only person who knows is Minegishi….and I guess…no, just Minegishi." Said Miss Suzuki. She was still covering her stomach. Did she feel it? Wait, no, her stomach was still really small. He had seen pictures of mom when he had been growing in her stomach. She had been really big…but it took time to get that way…right? He wasn't sure…he hadn't been in school long enough to take that class.
"I-I won't tell anyone! I mean you can trust me! I mean…um…congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl? Do you know when it's going to be born? Who's the dad?" asked Serizawa. Her aura got really bright, there, at the end…and he didn't blame her. He should have thought before he spoke! Asking her who the dad was…that was just the same as asking her who she had done…things…with. He looked away from her. That was NOT something he wanted to think about, especially not when it came to her! She was his friend and she was a lot younger than him and…and he didn't want to think about her like that!
"I don't want to talk about him!" said Miss Suzuki. He had messed up even more than he thought. Obviously she wouldn't have wanted to talk about it. If the baby had a dad then Miss Suzuki would have been with the dad, not with him. Sometimes you just didn't have a dad. Sometimes dads left when you were too little to remember them…or even before you were born. Serizawa took a deep breath. He couldn't get mad, not with all of these big windows everywhere, and not with Miss Suzuki so close. She could have gotten hurt…her and her baby. He didn't know who that baby was but he loved it just as much as he loved her…and he didn't love, at all, who the baby's dad was. He didn't even like that guy. Who could have just left her and their baby? If Serizawa ever became someone's dad then…then there was no way he was ever leaving his baby.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" said Serizawa
"Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. That was mean of me. It's not your fault what happened…it's my fault. Because I'm dumb and-" said Miss Suzuki
"N-no! I mean…that was mean. I shouldn't have…have shouted at you. You're just…you shouldn't talk about yourself like that! You're not dumb! You're wonderful and a great friend and-and you're going to be a great mom!" said Serizawa
"Not so loud!" said Miss Suzuki
"Sorry. I mean you're going to be a great mom." Whispered Serizawa
"Thanks….I…I wish that I thought so too." Said Miss Suzuki
"I know that you will! I mean…you're so good at taking care of your brother and sister and…and how you take care of me." Said Serizawa
"Do you…do you really think so? I just…I don't know. I mean my mom ran away and…and I won't run away but I think that being a good mom is more than not running away, you know? I know what I won't do, the stuff that my mom did, but I don't know what I will do. I don't even know if I'm even having a baby…but don't ask me how I know and don't know. That's a girl thing that boys aren't allowed to know about." Said Miss Suzuki
"I-I won't ask, then." Said Serizawa. He figured that girls knew because they got a lot bigger and, well, had people living inside of them. He wasn't going to ask, of course, since it wasn't something that he was allowed to know about.
"Good, because I can't tell you. I mean I can but I don't want to. You don't want to know, trust me." Said Miss Suzuki
"I trust you." Said Serizawa
"And I trust you…so please don't tell anyone. Not Hatori or…or anyone. It could come back to dad and dad can't know. I mean if I do have a baby then he's going to know but…I just don't want to tell him now! If I tell him then he's going to get mad at me. He got freaked out when I dyed my hair. I don't think he's going to be ok with…stuff. This stuff." Said Miss Suzuki
"I-I don't know why he would get upset. This is good news! I mean you always have good news and…and he talks about it a lot, being a grandfather…I don't know what he's going to be so upset about…and I don't know why he was upset about your hair. It's very pretty. I mean you're very pretty but your hair is especially pretty." Said Serizawa. Miss Suzuki reached over and held her braid in her hand. She looked at it. He looked at it. It was just as red as it had been yesterday and the day before that, too. He was clueless a lot of the time, he knew it, so he just went with it.
"You think I'm pretty in…in just a friend way, right?" asked Miss Suzuki
"I am. I mean…what other way would I mean it in?" asked Serizawa
"Like…in a girlfriend way." said Miss Suzuki. Serizawa couldn't help it, he made the room jump. The whole room shook. The glass in the windows rattled. He reached over and pulled Miss Suzuki close in case the windows broke. He would rather have been cut than her. Nothing bad happened, though, aside from Hatori saying some very bad words very loudly.
"S-sorry!" said Serizawa as he let Miss Suzuki go. She went back to sitting up. He expected her to leave, to tell him that she didn't feel safe, and then…and then she would never come back and he would have to live in this room for the rest of his life and it would have been even worse than his bedroom since this room had big windows and they'd let the sun in and the sun always reminded him about how much time had passed and how much time he wasted and-
A cup was pressed into his hand.
It hadn't spilled. It had jumped but not spilled…he wished that it had spilled. He didn't feel like drinking this. This didn't taste good or make him feel good…but she wanted him to have this. He made sure that he turned the cup around, away from where she had drank, and then took a sip. Too much. This was way too much but…but he had to do what she wanted. He took another sip…and then another…and then one more before she took the cup back.
It was empty now.
"Do you feel better now?" asked Miss Suzuki as she took the cup away. She put it back down on the table, too close to the edge, not that it mattered if it spilled.
"I..I feel alright." Said Serizawa. He felt kind of sick, sick and warm. That was…not good…but she liked it and that was what mattered the most. She mattered the most…but not in a girlfriend way! The only person he liked like that, who he knew in real life, was Minegishi and they didn't like him at all. He never thought about Miss Suzuki like that. She was herself, she was so brave and smart and wonderful, she could have found someone much better than him. Someone her own age, too, someone who hadn't wasted fifteen years of his life.
"That's good. I thought-I thought that I messed up. I didn't mean that I thought that you thought about me in a girlfriend way. Sometimes friends think about you, about me, in a girlfriend way. I mean just….um….can you keep a secret? I mean another one. There's such a thing as too many secrets." Said Miss Suzuki
"I-I can!" said Serizawa
"Ok…um…I think that I'm Shimzaki's girlfriend now. I think." Said Miss Suzuki. Serizawa nodded. That was…good? Serizawa and Shimazaki were friends. Shimazaki just…wasn't the best kind of friend. He could be mean sometimes. Never to Miss Suzuki, which was good….but he already had someone. Minegishi. Why did he need two people? Why did…well he liked Miss Suzuki and if she liked him back then he was happy for her.
Really. He was.
"I'm so…so happy for you." Said Serizawa. He didn't know how else he was supposed to feel. He wanted her to be happy but he just didn't get how it worked. Shimazaki and Minegishi were together…and also…wait. Did this mean that Shimazaki was the dad? But…no, he was not going to think about that part of her life. He wasn't going to think about any part of her life. He was going to be happy for her even if he didn't quite understand what he was happy about.
"I…I'm….I don't know how I am. I don't want to hurt his feelings but…but I don't want…I don't even know what I want. It's like I want to have Shoko, that's her name is she's a girl, but I don't…and…and I want to have someone who loves me and wants to be with me but I don't want to get hurt and-" said Miss Suzuki
"I'll never let anyone hurt you!" said Serizawa. He hadn't even had to think about it, not for one second. If someone hurt her then he would hurt them. He didn't like hurting people, and he had only done it on accident, but he couldn't let anything bad happen to her. She was Miss Suzuki. She was his friend. She was his everything.
"…thank you…but sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes bad things happen and…and sometimes you think that you know someone….sorry. it's not about you, it's about me. I just…I thought that I loved…um…hang on." Said Miss Suzuki. She reached over and took the cup from the table. She didn't bother to turn it around so she didn't drink right where he drank from. She just tried to drink.
It was empty.
"It-it's empty." Said Serizawa. She held the glass up to her eyes and frowned.
"I'll get us more, alright?" said Miss Suzuki. She didn't even wait for him to say anything, she just got up from the couch and left him. There. Alone. His DS was still in his pocket, they had been about to play together before they got sidetracked. He could have picked it up and started playing…and he would. He didn't care what he played, he just needed to play something, but in a moment. Not…not now. Right now he needed….
He needed a second.
He tiled his head back and looked up at the sky. It was too big. It was so big and he was so small. Well he was and he wasn't. He wasn't a small person, he was a lot bigger than Miss Suzuki anyway, but in so many ways she was bigger than him. She was out there every single day living her life to the fullest. She had a boyfriend, even if he wasn't entirely sure how it worked with Shimazaki, and she might been having a baby. So many good things were happening in her life…things that would never happen in his life…but that was ok. His life was better, now, than it had ever been before. He was happy, and he was happy for Miss Suzuki too.
If she was happy then she was happy too….that was how friendship worked.