Sho would much rather have hung out with Fukuda and Little Sis.

He would much rather have hung out with them than anyone else. He didn't are that it was the first movie night they'd had in a while, this was more fun. He didn't care if Big Sis had said that she would have chosen whatever he wanted to watch for her pick, even Old Boys or Train to Busan or the one with the zombies and all the guy had was his phone and it started off cool but then it turned into a love story and love stories sucked but he would have picked it anyway because she liked love stories and he liked scary movies and-and-and-

-and he was having much more fun sitting right here on the ground playing dolls with Little Sis and Fukuda.

"No! You're not that one!" said Mukai as she slapped Fukuda's hand away. He was really bad at playing dolls. Mukai had given him the dolls that he was supposed to be, he was supposed to stick with those. Girls were weird about their dolls. Mukai had given Fukuda the most boring princesses, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, so of course it made sense that he would have wanted to play with Merida and Mulan since they got weapons…but Mukai had already said that Sho was being those dolls. Anyone without brain worms would have known that you had to be whichever doll your sister told you to be.

Maybe Fukuda actually had brain worms.

You got those from eating pork that hadn't been cooked enough. One time Emmy had sent him this link to this video of the doctors pulling a bunch of really long worms right out of some guys brain. Big Sis had been scared and Fukuda had told him to turn it off because of how gross it was. Sho didn't think that it was gross, he thought that it was cool, and….and he wondered if she had found anything else cool to show him. She used to do that a lot, before her emails turned into long paragraphs in bad Japanese about how much she missed him and how she wanted to know what she had done to make him ignore her…and then near the end she had been asking if he was even still alive…

Maye Fukuda was right. Maybe he should have just had someone tell Emmy that he'd died.

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry about that, Mukai, I really am. Ok, so how about we all go for a ride in the pink car? How about that?" asked Fukuda. Sho didn't know how he could have been so wrong about playing dolls. First of all only princesses with pink dresses got to ride in the pink car, Mukai had decided, and second of all Mukai was the girl and she decided when they drove in the car. Right now they were hanging out in the pot of water that was the pool. Honestly. Fukuda could be so dumb about stuff sometimes. Sho knew more about girls than he did and he didn't even like girls!

Well he had sisters…and he used to have a girlfriend….

Fukuda didn't know much about girls but even people who had brain worms could be right about some stuff. Like how maybe it was better to tell someone that you were dead, even if it was a lie, than to hurt them. Sometimes the truth hurt, sometimes it hurt a lot, and sometimes telling the truth hurt more than hearing the truth. Sho didn't like hurting people, especially not people who loved him, and…and he didn't care what Big Sis said! Breaking up with someone was way harder than being broken up with? What did she even know, nobody had ever broken up with her.

She was still with Shimazaki, wasn't she?

"No! It's not time yet!" said Mukai. Fukuda pulled his hands away from the car like he'd been burnt. Mukai took it away and put it behind herself. There was no way that she was going to let him touch it now. Sho knew her and he knew girls. They took dolls really seriously, it was just how they were. Big Sis used to make him play dolls with her for hours and she would get upset, the Big Sis version of upset, when he would go off the script she decided on. He wondered why girls were like that about dolls…or maybe he had it wrong and it wasn't all girls that were like that. Emmy hadn't liked dolls that much and she had been a girl…well she was still a girl. She was…she had been the only girl he'd ever actually been friends with, that wasn't related to him, and he had just lied to her and….

…and he sucked.

"You suck." Said Sho. There. Now maybe if he said that Fukuda sucked then….wait, no, no. Fukuda didn't…well he did but Sho sucked more. Anyway he shouldn't have said that. For five seconds he had felt better, but those five seconds were over with, and now it was just…there. What he had said. It just sort of hung there in the atmosphere and it wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Little Sis wouldn't let it.

"You suck! You suck!" said Mukai. She pointed at Fukuda as she said it, in case he didn't realize that she was talking to him. He shouldn't have taught her that, Tsuchiya didn't like it, and if he made Tsuchiya mad then she wouldn't have let Mukai hang out with him anymore. Shibata would have been mad at him, too, as much as Shibata could be mad at a person. He used to always be on Sho's side but now that he and Tsuchiya were boyfriend and girlfriend, they hadn't said anything but Sho could tell, he had been taking Tsuchiya's side more and more…not that Sho needed anyone on his side. He sucked and he knew it.

He was the one who sucked.

"I know, I know. I'll try to do better next time. Sorry, it's been a while since I played dolls with anyone. I'm a little rusty." Said Fukuda. He didn't tell Little Sis off about her language…but that was probably because she was still too little to know what she was saying. Sometimes she just said things to make noise. Fukuda would have known that if he'd had any kids of his own. Sho wished that he did. Then maybe Sho could have had someone his own age to hang out with and talk to stuff. Maybe even another guy, someone who could tell him how to fix what he'd fucked up, someone who knew what he was talking about. Fukuda…Sho wasn't sure if he knew what he was talking about when it came to girls. Telling Emmy that he had died had been a good idea but also Fukuda could be kind of an asshole towards girls too. Maybe he was like those guys who used to be in Sho's class when he went to kindergarten, the 'no girls allowed' guys. That might have been it.

Sho couldn't think of another reason why he had been such an asshole to Big Sis for all of these years…even if she had stolen his best friend from him and stuff.

"Rusty! You're rusty!" said Mukai

"I know, I know. I just said so. Remember? I've been playing with Sho for all these years, I only know how to play boy games. Just bear with me, alright? You're right, I do kind of suck at this but you know I used to play with your older sister. I bet that if I practice I can get right back to fighting form.

"You don't have to practice. Just play the way Little Sis tells you to play. She's the boss." Said Sho

"I'm the boss, me! Mukai!" said Mukai. She pointed at herself just to make sure that everyone knew that she was talking about herself and not some other Mukai. Sho smiled as best as he could and patted her on the head.

"Yeah, you're the boss, I heard you." Said Sho. It would have been easier, maybe, if she had been the boss. If he had just done whatever it was that she wanted to do. She never asked anything of him that he couldn't do. She just wanted to play all day. She was only bossy when it came to playing. She never asked him to…to stop being or…or just…he didn't….he was…he didn't want Big Sis to be in charge of him. She was just…she just made him feel worse. He should have been thinking about how he was going to fix stuff with Emmy or how he was going to take Dad down or even…even how he was going to make it another year with Dad. Instead he was thinking about how weird she had been, the other night, and all the stuff she had said to him….stuff that was probably true…stuff that pissed him off…

Stuff that he didn't even know what he was so pissed off over.

Shimazaki was his best friend so maybe it was that. Sho had been in love with him for a while but now he was out of love. He was so out of love that he couldn't even remember what it was like to be in love. With Shimazaki, anyway. He was really cool and he was always up to do something fun, and he was always up for fucking with Hatori which was never not fun, but he just…he was scared of Dad. Too scared to defect, anyway, but not scared enough to not like Big Sis. The last time Dad had thought that Shimazaki liked her he'd gotten beaten up so badly that he bled. What, did he think that Dad was too old to do it again? Because he wasn't! He beat people up all the time and for much less, too. He was the biggest asshole in the world and he had to be stopped! That was what Sho should have been focusing on! His problems didn't matter, not when he had a much bigger and scarier problem to deal with.

Sho knew that he didn't matter….and he had known that for a while…so why did he feel like this?

"Sho? Why are you sad? Look! Sho's sad! Over here!" said Mukai. She pointed at him…what? Was there another Sho in the room that he didn't know about? Did she think that Fukuda didn't know who he was? Why did she have to…because she was little. She was little, she couldn't help it, but he could. He couldn't get mad at her. He was more mad at himself than anything, anyway….he must have been.

Who could possibly have been mad at Little Sis of all people?

"I'm not sad…ok? So just…I don't know. Keep on playing or whatever." Said Sho. Fukuda was giving him that look, the one that he did when he thought that Sho wanted to talk about something. Fukuda needed to learn to mind his own business, or at least not to be so obvious about it. Maybe the Elsa doll could teach him about the whole 'conceal, don't feel' thing. If he didn't get it then Big Sis could have explained it to him…if he didn't feel like being an asshole to her. Even if he was an asshole she would have still been nice and explained everything to him. She had seen Frozen enough times that she knew about that stuff, concealing how she felt, at least when she wasn't all weird and high…so maybe she was a little rusty too, maybe she needed a refresher…so it was good that they were watching Frozen right now….

He figured.

That was always her pick and since Serizawa always put the same movie she did in the deciding hat then she usually won. Shimazaki was probably going to pick what she wanted, too, since they were in love or whatever….not that he cared. She could be in love with whoever she wanted to be in love with. Even his best friend and the last love of his life. Shimazaki…he had always said that Sho was too young, that he thought of Sho as his kid, but Sho wasn't that much younger than Big Sis. If he was a kid then she was a kid too and…and therefore he shouldn't have liked her….

Maybe it was the boobs. Those were what had kept him with Minegishi for all these years, after all.

"Hey Mukai…how about you go and find the cat? Huh? How about that? I bet that the cat would love to play with you just as much as we love to play with you." Said Fukuda. Sho rolled his eyes and tossed his doll onto the ground. Fukuda could have just told Sho that he wanted to talk, he didn't have to send Mukai away. She repeated everything that she heard but she didn't understand a lot of it…and it wasn't like Sho was keeping any secrets…well any about just himself.

Little Sis didn't know, and couldn't know, that he was planning on taking down Claw…but he didn't care if she knew about the rest of it.

"I'm coming, Meow-Meow! Wait for me!" shouted Mukai. She got up and ran to the cat. It had been sleeping on the couch but, well, Mukai wasn't very good at sneaking around. Between the shouting and the running there was no way that the cat hadn't noticed. It had plenty of time to run away, and it used it too. It jumped up and ran down the hall.

Mukai ran after it.

Sho and Fukuda were the only two people in the living room now. Mukai had chased the cat to Fukuda's room, Sho could hear her shouting at it. He could have gone after it but that would have been pointless. Fukuda would have just found some other way to get him on his own. That was just how Fukuda was. He had decided that he and Sho were going to talk and that was just how it was going to be…even though Sho had nothing to talk about. He didn't see what telling Fukuda what he already knew would accomplish.

It wasn't like Fukuda could turn back time and right now that was just about the only thing, it looked like, that could fix all of this.

"I don't have anything to say." Said Sho

"I never asked-" said Fukuda

"You don't have to ask, I know you. You're going to ask me what's wrong. Well, Fukuda, everything's wrong but that doesn't mean that I want to talk about it. Talking about it isn't going to fix anything…and anyway it doesn't even matter. We have bigger things to worry about than Emmy and Big Sis." Said Sho. Fukuda's eyes narrowed…right, right, he had made the mistake of mentioning Big Sis. One of these days Sho was going to figure out how to make them get along again. This was really starting to get annoying. Sure Big Sis could be weird, especially when she got high, and sure she was a best friend stealer and she couldn't even follow simple directions….but she was still his sister and he still loved her. Just not as much as before.

"Is your sister meddling in your life again?" asked Fukuda

"Maybe, I don't know what she does when I'm not around. I don't think that she did anything lately, though, so stop looking pissed off. Big Sis didn't break up with Emmy, I did, and I think that….I think that I fucked up. I think that I might have just been better off pretending that I was dead like you said. That way…that way I wouldn't have hurt her. Big Sis says that being broken up with is worse than doing the breaking up….but I don't think so." Said Sho

"What does she know? She's never been dumped or done the dumping. Don't listen to her, Sho, she just likes to feel like she's in charge." Said Fukuda

"I didn't listen to her…well I tried not to. She says that being broken up with over text is the worst way to be broken up with, too, and I just feel bad about-" said Sho

"What did I just say? Sho, come on, don't put any stock into what your sister tells you. Especially when it comes to the romance department. She's never been in your shoes. She's never had to make a pragmatic choice in her life. She does whatever she wants and with your father's blessing, too, even though I have no idea….the point is that your circumstances and hers will never overlap. You did what you thought was best and, really, breaking up with her over text was the best thing that you could have done. If you had gone to London to break up with her to her face your dad would have known and then you would have had to deal with that. If you had done it over the phone then…well I know you. You don't like to hurt people and I know that if you had actually spoken to her then you never would have been able to break up with her. Trust me, what you did….alright, it can be seen as wrong…but you didn't exactly have a lot of options." Said Fukuda

"Yes…I didn't….but I still feel like shit…but that doesn't matter. I have more important things to worry about than my fucking feelings. We have to worry about how we're going to take Dad down. Taking Dad down is more important than my breaking up with Emmy or how I can't ever go to movie night again or-" said Sho

"Who told you that you couldn't come to movie night? If you sister is trying to exclude you then-" said Fukuda

"It's not Big Sis! Stop blaming every single problem I've ever had in my entire fucking life on her! it's not about her, it's about….it's about….ok, fine, it is about her but now how you think! I can't go to movie night because she's going to be there with Shimazaki and she's his girlfriend now and-and-and I don't even know why I give a fuck about any of this! it's not like I even still like him! I like Ritsu and-and-and since I like Ritsu I can't like him and anyway I'll never see Ritsu again if we don't get back to work so pick up a doll and play the way Baby Sis told you to play!" said Sho

"Sho…alright. There's a lot to unpack there…" said Fukuda

"The only thing you should unpack is Little Sister's doll suitcase. She's going to want them out of their bathing suits soon and girls take the whole 'putting clothes on them' thing really seriously." Said Sho. He used his powers to push Mukai's doll suitcase over to Fukuda. They had to get back to playing. She could have come back at any minute…well he could clearly hear her jumping on the bed….but she would get bored eventually. Sho knew that she couldn't be trusted to be around when he and Fukuda planned out how they were going to take down Claw and that meant that they had to tire her out so she could go to bed early but she wouldn't go to bed, early or otherwise, if she didn't get tired out first….and that wouldn't happen if Fukuda didn't figure out how to play dolls like a normal person!

Fukuda pushed the doll suitcase to the side. He didn't even look at it.

"We can unpack your sister's doll clothes later. Right now I want to unpack everything that you just said to me….but slowly. So from what I understand is…you think that your sister is involved with Shimazaki romantically. Am I understanding that correctly?" asked Fukuda

"I don't 'think' I know. She told me. To my face." Said Sho

"Why would she…what possessed her to-" said Fukuda

"She wasn't possessed, she was on coke she said. She says that it's white stuff that gives you lots of energy and makes your powers listen but also it makes your heart pound and your thoughts race…and also it makes you thirsty, too." Said Sho. Fukuda went through so many looks that Sho couldn't even name them all. He settled on bored, that sort of forced bored that made it look like he was doing an impression of dad. It didn't fit him at all. Sho knew what this meant, he was really upset. He only imitated Dad when something really big was bothering him…Sho didn't see what was so big about this. They were planning on taking Dad down, what could have possibly been bigger than that? Certainly not Big Sis's love life.

"Sho….I need you to listen to me very carefully." Said Fukuda. He put his hand on Sho's shoulder.

"I'm listening, what?" asked Sho

"Do not ever, ever, do what your sister has done. None of it…but definitely not cocaine. The other things she does…those won't kill you. They'll ruin your memory and your life but they won't kill you. Cocaine can…and it can lead you to making some big mistakes and…please, just promise me that you won't ever do cocaine for as long as you live. Alright?" asked Fukuda

"Alright." Said Sho. It was an easy thing to agree to since he didn't even know what cocaine was. Also he never wanted to act the way Big Sis acted the other night. Ever. For as long as he lived.

"Good…and as for…Sho, I never want you to pursue Shimazaki either. Let your sister have him." said Fukuda

"I don't even want him anymore! He's scared of Dad!" said Sho

"Not scared enough, apparently." Said Fukuda

"No, I mean he's too scared to defect with me. When I tried to run away, back when Dad made that earthquake happen, he said that even he was too scared to defect. He said that he was scared that Dad would kill him and me too…and…and I don't love him! I love someone else, someone brave, someone who's not afraid of Dad and…and I don't even care if Big Sis is in love with him!" said Sho

"I…I'm glad that you don't care…but if you did then there wouldn't be anything wrong with that. You spent a long time, many years, in love with him and those aren't the kinds of feelings that just go away overnight. I know…believe me I know…and I know that you're right to feel however you feel. Your sister knows how you feel about him, how you felt, and she knows that those sorts of feelings don't go away. She may not have been trying to hurt you but…but in a way that's even worse. She knows how you felt about Shimazaki but she still pursued him…and that's wrong. What she did was wrong." Said Fukuda

"But I don't care…I don't want to care…" said Sho

"It's fine that you care but…but you need to let this go. I know how you feel, I have someone who I've had feelings for since…well for a very long time. I love her and believe me, if I knew how to get rid of those feelings I would. The thought of her with someone else…it hurts…and you're right to feel hurt by what your sister did to you. You're also right to try and be the bigger man. Shimazaki…you know him, he'll sleep with anyone. She isn't special, remember that, and remember that you're too special for him." said Fukuda. Sho…hadn't even thought about that. Big Sis had said something like she knew what it was like to do…it…but she had been really high then…

Did that mean that she and Shimazaki did it?

That they…right now. Right now she could have been kissing him and touching him and doing all the stuff that Sho still sometimes thought about when he was alone. She knew…she had seen his sketchbook, he had even told her to her face that he had been in love with Shimazaki, but she had just gone and…and agreed to be his girlfriend…and all the stuff that came afterwards…

Sho didn't cry. He wanted to but he didn't. He was proud of himself for that.

"I don't care and I don't want to care." Said Sho. He blinked back tears…but that just made them fall out of his eyes faster. He didn't care. He couldn't care. Like Fukuda had said, Shimazaki did it with everyone who asked. She wasn't special…but that meant that he was even less special than her. Shimazaki had said that he could never like Sho back because he was so young that Shimazaki thought of him as his very own kid…but really he just hadn't thought of Sho as someone worth loving….

That was alright. Sho had bigger things to worry about.

"It's alright if part of you wants to care, that's perfectly normal. It hurts, Sho, I know that it does but just…just think about it this was. Do you really want to be with someone who would be with your sister even when he knew, and he must have known not even Shimazaki is that dense, that it would hurt you? Do you really want someone who would put…that sort of thing…above years of friendship?" asked Fukuda

"Do you mean doing it?" asked Sho. Fukuda made a fist, his aura flared, and he nodded. What? Sho knew what that was, he was twelve, and he wasn't going to sit there and pretend that he was a baby. He was twelve, not two, if he had been two he would have been jumping on the bed with Little Sis instead of sitting here on the floor trying his best not to start crying or screaming or breaking things.

"Sho….maybe don't put it like that." Said Fukuda. He was making the same face he made when they'd had their Saw marathon. What was he so grossed out over? Yeah, Sho knew what doing it was…maybe he was more grossed out by the idea of Big Sis doing it with Shimazaki…that was pretty gross. It was gross and it hurt, too, his heart and his stomach and…and he didn't know why he cared. He didn't want to care.

"But they're doing it, right? Like you know for a fact that they're doing it together…I mean if he loves her then I guess that I don't even have to ask you." Said Sho

"He doesn't love her and I doubt that she loves him. Sometimes…yes, sometimes it's an act of love…but other times it's just…sometimes adults do things just for the sake of feeling good. That's fine, it's her right. If she wants to act like some cheap….if she wants to have meaningless….if she wants to go to bed with Shimazaki or some other man then that's her business and you shouldn't pay her any mind. You're worth more than a quick fu-than a good time in an alley. You're better than that." Said Fukuda

"Wait…are you talking about doing it or not? I'm so confused." Said Sho. He hated it when adults used code words for things. He didn't know all the code words, for one thing, and for another he wasn't a little kid anymore! He knew what people did when they were in love…or they just wanted to feel good, he guessed, and….and Fukuda was right. That was Big Sis's business and the last thing he wanted to do was think about his own sister doing it with his best friend…his ex-best friend.

"Yes…I was talking about sex…which she shouldn't even be having…but I'm not her father and I don't want to be. I don't care what she does. I care about you, what you do, and how you feel. I just wish….Sho, if I could take all of his away then I would. If I could take you away from this place and just…just make a normal life for you then I would. But I can't so…so I'm going to do the best I can with what I have." Said Fukuda

"Life sucks…but I don't want to be normal. If I was normal then I couldn't stop Dad…and Dad needs to be stopped." Said Sho. That was what he should have been worried about. Fukuda was right. Sho didn't care about this and he didn't want to care about this…and there was no point in caring about this. Big Sis could do whatever she wanted. He couldn't stop her and, really, he didn't want to. It was so gross, thinking about his own sister doing it, that he felt like he was going to throw up just from talking about it. Yeah…that's what this feeling was about. He just didn't want to talk about Big Sis doing it…it had nothing to do with being sad, feeling this sick….and anyway he had to work through it.

They had important work to do!

"That's right. Your father needs to be stopped and you're the man to do it…with my help, of course. How about we give your little sister back to her mom and then we make some more battle plans. We haven't even gone over what we're going to do if your Dad takes China, first, and not Japan…and before you say anything your father can be pretty damn unpredictable…believe me, I know…" said Fukuda

"No, we can't give her back because it's still movie night and if I go back then Big Sis won't let me leave…and I don't want to be around her right now…" said Sho

"Then how about we have our own movie night? Just you, me, and Mukai. I'll even let you pick the movie and I promise I won't argue with you." Said Fukuda. He had been arguing with Sho less and less so he knew that the promise was good…but he really should have picked one of his old favorites like Zootopia just to be safe. He still liked it even though he had been watching it since he was a little kid….

But he wasn't a little kid anymore.

He liked scary movies, movies with fighting and blood and stuff happening. He didn't want to watch Zootopia like he would have if he had been little. He wanted…he wanted something with blood and fighting and…and zombies were cool. Something like…he hadn't seen Train to Busan in a while….and it would be good for Little Sis, too, since she was half Korean. She could maybe remember some Korean words or something…and he could always cover her eyes when the bad parts came on….

This was a good idea.

"I'll get Little Sis, you put on Train to Busan…and don't worry, I'll cover her eyes when the bad parts come on!" said Sho as he got up and ran to Fukuda's bedroom. He ran faster…he felt lighter. Maybe because secrets were so heavy. It hadn't been a secret, not really, but it had been…it had been something that he hadn't wanted to talk about. Talking had helped, though, so maybe…so maybe Fukuda had been right. Talking about things helped. He may not have had a plan for what he would do about Big Sis and Shimazaki…but this didn't seem like the kind of thing that he could have stopped. He just had to stop caring….so that was what he would do. He'd focus on the important things like his little sister and…and movie night….

Sho would much rather have had movie night with Fukuda and Little Sis than Big Sis and his ex-best friend anyway.