Sho hated food shopping.
What was the point? There were poptarts in every country. That was all you really needed. You didn't have to worry about things like food groups and stuff when Fukuda was around so, really, you didn't need to buy any other kinds of food. Food shopping was so boring. That was why they had other people to do it for them. Shimazaki must have known that but he'd brought Sho and Mukai along anyway.
He said that he needed some seeing eye kids.
"Can we go now?" asked Sho as Mukai handed him a can of peapods. He put it back. She didn't like them, he didn't like them, so there was no reason to eat something so gross. She didn't know what she was doing, she just liked putting stuff in the basket. It made her feel like a big kid. She wasn't a big kid, though, she was three and three was a little kid. Technically Sho was a big kid because he was twelve now. He didn't feel like a big kid, though, he didn't feel like a kid at all.
But he still was a kid…at least according to Shimazaki.
"Sho, here. For you." Said Mukai as she handed him another can of peapods. Sho put it back. She didn't like them, he didn't like them, and they didn't need them. Shimazaki had a braille list and Sho could sort of tell by looking what it said. Sort of. He wasn't super sure what Shimazaki was planning on making with all of that…or if he even knew how to cook….
It would have been much easier just to go somewhere and get food…but of course nobody listened to him.
"Little Sis, come on. You don't like peapods and neither do I so let me put it back." Said Sho as he took the can from her and put it back. She didn't know how to read, she didn't know the grossness that was inside. She took the can back and hugged it to her chest.
"I like this." said Mukai as she hugged the can like it was a friend that she hadn't seen for a hundred years. Sho rolled his eyes and let her have it. Fine, she could eat whatever gross stuff she wanted to eat. He pulled her to the side as some people walked by. Shimazaki stepped to the side….and he didn't even hit them with his cane. That was weird, really weird. He was all distracted and stuff and….and that must have been it. He must have been really worried about getting the wrong thing. He must have been making dinner for Minegishi or something since Shibata was only cooking for Tsuchiya and Mukai these days.
"Does she?" asked Shimazaki
"I just said that Mukai doesn't." said Sho as he took Mukai's hand and followed Shimazaki. He ran his hands across the shelves like he was looking for something. It would have gone a lot faster if he had just asked Sho to find stuff for him…or if he had just sent someone else to get this stuff. He might have been high or something, something that made it hard for him to think about pay attention to stuff. He wasn't even paying attention to Sho and Mukai…but he hadn't listened to Sho in a while.
"No, I mean does Mob?" asked Shimazaki. Sho stopped in his tracks. This was…this was for Big Sis? Why? Why would he…because he liked her. When you liked a girl you were supposed to get her things, mostly food. Dad had said that a man's job was to provide for a woman, that was why you had to give girls a lot of presents and feed her a lot. When a girl liked you, when you proved that you could take care of her, then she stayed with you and had your babies and then you were a family. Sho didn't know how it worked with two guys…he hadn't ever gotten Ritsu anything. All he had ever done for Emmy was get her presents and stuff…that hadn't been much of a relationship at all…but it had been one. That was what you did for a girl when you were in a relationship with them and…and Shimazaki liked Big Sis…so…so they were together…
"I don't know, maybe? She's always trying to get me to each all the food groups so…I guess." Said Sho. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about. If he talked about it then he would have to think about it…about how she knew how he felt…about how he felt….about how he used to feel. He…he handed Little Sis another can. It had watercress in it. That was gross too…he felt gross just touching it.
"You really should, you want to grow up to look like me don't you?" asked Shimazaki. Mukai tossed her can on the ground and ran over to him. Sho put it back, he made sure not to look at Shimazaki. If he looked at him then…then he'd think about things and say things…things that he shouldn't have been saying in front of his little sister. Things like 'why are you doing it with my sister' and 'why do you want to be her boyfriend' and 'stay the fuck away from my sister'. He didn't say anything. He didn't even….he didn't even let it show….
"I want to be big and tall!" said Mukai as she jumped onto Shimazaki. He put his basket down and tossed her in the air. People looked, of course they looked, but they smiled. They didn't tell him to knock it off and be quiet…they just smiled. Well of course they did, Mukai was a cute kid. She was laughing. Being tossed in the air was fun…Sho remembered when he had been little enough for Shimazaki to toss him in the air…
He wasn't little anymore.
"See? She gets it. Who gets it? You do, you do!" said Shimazaki as he tossed her in the air. She laughed and…and that was a good thing. He should have been happy that she was happy. But he just…he didn't know what this feeling was but he didn't like it.
"I'm not going to stop growing just because I don't like peapods…and anyway all you eat is chocolate." Said Sho. Mean. He had been mean there…Little Sis shouldn't have heard him being mean like that. If she heard him being mean then she would have thought that it was ok to be mean and…and the last thing he wanted for her was…was for her to be anything like him. For her to turn out like he had.
"I eat other things." Said Shimazaki as he put Mukai down.
"I eat carrots and tomatoes and bok choy and bean sprouts and watermelon, and candy canes, and KFC, and-and Panda!" said Mukai as she counted off on her fingers….well sort of. She listed things on her fingers. She didn't know how to count yet….and maybe he should have taught her how to count. Maybe then he could have done something to…to be a good brother to her.
"Damn, KFC and Panda sound good right now….but later, later." Said Shimazaki
"Why not now? Let's get some real food." Said Sho
"In a minute. Right now we've got shopping to do." Said Shimazaki
"Why are we doing this ourselves? We have people that could do this for us, you know, a lot of people. We could get some Awakened. They like to help, they'll do anything." Said Sho
"Yeah, we could get the Awakened to do our cooking and shopping and suck our dicks for us but-" said Shimazaki. Sho covered Mukai's ears…but it was too late. Shimazaki knew she was there, he could tell. She may not have had much of an aura but if Shimazaki could tell where the normal people were then he must have known that Mukai had been right there! She was three and she was a girl! You weren't supposed to say stuff like that around little kids or girls!
"Suck our dicks! The Awakened suck our dicks!" shouted Mukai. Sho almost said 'language' but he didn't. it didn't matter if she said that, she only spoke Japanese, and they were in Beijing. There wasn't any danger of any Japanese people overhearing them and thinking that he was a bad big brother because his little sister was going around talking about….gross stuff…
She didn't even know what it meant so that was ok.
"See? She knows how to live. But anyway, no, I've got to do this myself." Said Shimazaki. Sho didn't think that it counted as 'by himself' if he needed Sho to read every single thing to him and for Mukai to tell him what the pictures were. He wondered what Shimazaki would have done on his own. He couldn't see Minegishi helping, they were too much of a bitch bastard to help anyone. That was why they were losing their boyfriend…to Big Sis of all people…Sho didn't want to think about it. If he thought about it then he'd just end up making himself mad and if he made himself mad then Little Sis would get upset…and that was the last thing he wanted to do.
"How can you do this yourself? You can't read." Said Sho as Mukai handed him another can. He passed it back to her.
"Me neither." Said Mukai as she stared down at he can in her hand. She traced her fingers over the label…maybe that was something that he could do. Teach her to read. Maybe if he filled his whole day with stuff to keep him busy then he wouldn't have had to think about…stuff that he didn't want to think about. Stuff about Shimazaki and Big Sis and just…stuff that he didn't…stuff that was none of his business!
"I can read braille just fine, don't tell me I can't read. If they wrote the labels in braille then I'd be fine…well actually I'd still need help because my Chinese isn't the best, but…I'm doing this mostly on my own, ok? I have to." Said Shimazaki
"Why?" asked Sho. He didn't have to do anything, nobody was making him. This was another one of those weekends that Dad spent in Japan. Dad was the only person that Shimazaki had to listen to. It wasn't like Sho could tell him what to do. If he could have then he would have told Shimazaki to stay away from Big Sis…even though it made no sense. He didn't like Shimazaki so why did he even care what Shimazaki did? Maybe because….because she was his sister and…and the whole thing with Shimazaki was just…weird and stuff…..
"Because women like this kind of thing. Now, you'll never need to know about this since you're firmly on the other side but women love it when you cook for them. If we were living thousands of years ago I would have just killed, skinned, and gutted some animal for her but since we're living in our modern age of grocery stores this is how I'm going to put food on the table." Said Shimazaki. He said that in that same way he explained everything. He wasn't…he didn't care who heard…but this was Beijing. Nobody knew what they were saying…just Sho and Mukai…and Shimazaki knew that Mukai couldn't keep a secret. Maybe because it wasn't a secret. Shimazaki liked Big Sis and Big Sis liked him back….and they were allowed to like each other…
Sho was never going to know what that was like.
He liked Ritsu, Ritsu liked him back, and they were together…but nobody could know. He couldn't just go to a store and surprise Ritsu by making him dinner. He couldn't just…just sneak out at night and do couple stuff with Ritsu. He couldn't hold his hand in public or walk down the street. If Dad knew then he'd have Ritsu kidnapped or killed. Dad didn't want Sho to be happy, he just wanted Sho to live his life according to the rules Dad made up. He didn't care if Sho was happy or not. The only thing he cared about was Claw and making sure that Sho had a son to keep it going. That was why Dad had liked Emmy….that was why the only time Dad had ever been proud of him was when he had been Emmy's boyfriend…he wondered what Dad would do to him once he realized that Sho had broken up with her and now there wouldn't be another Suzuki to take over.
Probably beat him up really bad…but what else was new?
"Panda is food." Said Mukai. That was new. Little Sis was getting better and better at talking every single day. Sho wished that they had been at Panda. He didn't really like orange chicken, or most of what they had, but Little Sis loved it and…and he at least needed to be able to make one of his sisters happy. The other one hated him, she must have since she had been avoiding him, and he…he loved her but he didn't want to hang out right now…
Things would be better with Little Sis.
"I know it is and don't worry, after this we'll go to Panda and eat ourselves sick on orange chicken." Said Shimazaki. He knew that Sho couldn't eat that stuff. He knew that Sho would die…at least he used to know. He might have forgotten. He never hung out with Sho. He was always off with Big Sis and….and Sho didn't care what he said or what he did or-or remembered or…or anything!
"Fortune cookies too?" asked Mukai
"You know it. I'll steal us a big box of them and then Sho can tell us what our future holds." Said Shimazaki
"KFC?" asked Mukai
"We can go to both." Said Shimazaki
"Her mom says not to feed her too much because it makes her have reflux…and anyway why are you making my sister dinner if we're going to Panda? She likes Panda." Said Sho. He didn't want to go anywhere and…and he wanted to go somewhere and…and maybe he just wanted to take her home and be alone….or maybe he didn't want to go home at all. Big Sis was there and Shimazaki would have wanted to do it with her again…and that was gross…so…so maybe it would have been best if they went to Panda.
"Never underestimate the power of a homecooked meal." Said Shimazaki. Sho could and would and…and he didn't want to think about that stuff! He just…he just…Sho wanted to hit Shimazaki and if Mukai hadn't been there then he would have. Shimazaki didn't care about Big Sis, he just wanted to….to do it with her or…or something….something like that. Why else would he have wanted to be with her instead of out having fun with him?
"You just want her to do it with you." Said Sho. It slipped out. He had been thinking it and then…and then he had said it. He braced himself. Either Shimazaki was going to yell at him or Baby Sis was going to repeat what he said and then everyone would know that he knew this kind of stuff about his sister and-
"No, well yes, but no. It's…ok, first of all stop with the bitterness. I thought you were over me." Said Shimazaki with a shrug.
"I am! I don't…it's just weird. She's my sister and…and you always said that you didn't like me like the because I'm a kid but me and Big Sis are practically the same age and…and it's weird." Said Sho
"It's not an age thing, it's a 'you' thing. I think of you as my kid, I don't think of her like that, ok? And, yeah, I know that it's weird but I don't care. Who in the hell is going to tell me who I can and cannot be with? Nobody, and the same goes for you. When you know, you know, ok? You get it." Said Shimazaki. Sho didn't know if there could be any kind of comparing done between him and Ritsu and…Shimazaki and Big Sis. Sho and Ritsu were at least the same age. The age thing would have made sense and…and if it had been the age thing then it wouldn't have hurt. He didn't even know why it hurt so much. He had Ritsu…Ritsu who he never saw…that must have been it.
It wasn't fair. He hadn't seen Ritsu in…in he didn't even want to think of how long….but Big Sis got to live with her boyfriend…and she hadn't even thought about how it would make him feel…nobody ever cared about how he felt….
"You, if for you. It's a you thing." Said Mukai. She was just saying things, she didn't mean to rub it in. He knew that she didn't mean to rub it in but….but she was. Sho felt…he could feel everyone looking at him. He could feel everyone looking at him and wondering why he had to be so weird. Was he in love with Shimazaki or not? No…but then why did it hurt…
"Yeah….I know that. I know that it's a me thing." Said Sho. He could hear just fine. It was a 'Sho' thing. There was just something wrong with him, that was all, and something right about Big Sis. She had been born right and he had been born wrong and…and everything would always work out for her! Why?! Why…he had to calm down…
He had to get out of here.
"Good. It's not personal, I think you're great, and all of that. Now come on, I need you guys to help me find milk. Good milk. Last time I accidentally got her oat milk and she was so pissed…well not pissed like a normal person but Mob pissed. You know what I mean? When her aura sounds like breaking glass and she gets all huffy and she's all 'ok' but not like how she normally says 'ok'. You know what I mean?" asked Shimazaki
"Yes…no….I don't know! Just…here. Have her help you. I have shit to do." Said Sho. He pushed Mukai, maybe a little too roughly, over to Shimazaki. He raised both of his eyebrows and opened his eyes a little. Sho didn't see what was so shocking about that. He had made himself perfectly clear, he didn't like Sho, maybe even at all….fine. Whatever. Sho had stuff to do today anyway.
"Like what?" asked Shimazaki. Sho wanted to tell him that it was none of his business. He wanted to ask Shimazaki why he even cared. He only cared about Big Sis now…everyone only cared about her. She didn't care about him. She just…everything sucked and everyone sucked and he had stuff to do so…so he had to go and do it already!
"Sho's got to go. Bye Sho….bye-bye!" said Mukai with a wave.
"I know he's going but I have no clue what he possibly has to do that's so fucking important that he can't-" said Shimazaki
"I don't know! Ok? Ok?! Stuff! Without you!" said Sho before he turned and walked away. He knew that people were looking but he didn't care. He just…he had to….he didn't know. He had plans to make and hamsters to feed. They were getting stressed out and chewing on the bars of their cage. The needed him to make their house more interesting or something…maybe another layer of bedding….and he had a whole rebellion to plan too and that took up a lot of his time….so if Shimazaki wanted to make dinner for Big Sis or marry her or whatever then that was fine. He didn't care.
Sho hated food shopping anyway.