There are very few things that I love. In fact, I can count them all on one hand. Cats, imoutos, MAX coffee, and sleeping. I'm saving the fifth finger for later in life.

However, when it comes to things I like, the list is a bit longer.

One of those things are bikes. I like them, I really do. Compared to an unnecessarily high-strain task such as walking or running, they allow you to arrive in a timely manner, all the while using much less effort. At the same time, unlike cars, they're small enough to easily park anywhere without it being too much of a nuisance. It might not be the perfect, but it's a great compromise.

I wish Soubu had a bus. Or that Chiba had a bus stop close enough to my house to make it worth it. The way it is now, I still have to walk a decent distance to get on a bus. Compared to the total distance I have to travel to Soubu, it's simply not worth it.

Unfortunately, as a measly middle-class citizen, I have no say over these types of things. Well, in theory, I could become a civil engineer and install a nation-wide system of closely spaced bus stops for increased convenience…

… but nah. Too much effort. Way too much.

It's a shame, then, that I'm walking. Walking, as I mentioned earlier, takes effort. Each step I take drains me. That being said, I left early so that I could stroll along at my own leisure and still arrive on time.

It's a bit easier when I take my time.

Anyways, hear me out. What if… I had a human bus. Err, person bus. Bus person. Burson. Whatever they'd be called, the concept stays the same. They would always be there awaiting my order, able to carry me around wherever I pleased, whenever I pleased. No effort, no parking, no expenses…

… well, actually, never mind. That just sounds like slavery.

Finishing up my train of thought with another scrapped idea, I looked around at unfamiliar sights. Taking out my phone and finding my location, it seems that I had somehow managed to walk myself further from school than I had started.

Meaning I had wasted time. Meaning I had to walk even further. Meaning I had too waste even more time.

How frustrating.

Suddenly, my mind picked up on the sound of barking and screaming. A dog, off its leash. An owner, chasing after it. A car, behind me, going much too fast.

I stood frozen in shock for a moment, my normally calm mind spinning up to analyze the situation.

The dog wasn't going to make it to the sidewalk in time. It was also a rather small dog, and didn't look like it could survive much more than tripping over its own feet. To top it all off, the car didn't seem like it was going to stop in time.

Before I had a chance to consider the consequences, I leapt into action. My body moved on its own, launching myself into the street and bee-lining towards the smaller creature. I made it there in time, managing to snatch the dog up and hug it up into my chest for protection.

My shoes slipped slightly against the pavement, trying desperately to gain enough traction to push myself out of the way.

Half my body made it out of the way before I felt myself suddenly become weightless. I felt my legs get yanked out from under me, leading to a moment of disconnect as I seemingly floated in the air. My head snapped back from the sudden inertia, coming into contact with a solid, metal surface.

Then, everything went dark.

Bone fracture and a large, open wound. I had to get stitches and a cast.

It could have been worse.

Apparently, I ended up rolling a bit. Luckily enough, as I've been told, the dog flew out of my arms and landed safely on the sidewalk.

This is a sign from God, isn't it? He's mad at me for divulging from my destiny. I could practically hear him.

'If you dare put any effort into life, I'll hit you with another truck.'

I hear you, God. Fear not, for I pledge to further my commitment to being listless from this day on. I shall become a being worthy of permanent relaxation in heaven.

I let out a sigh. In reality, the situation wasn't all that bad. In fact, it was quite nice. With the window open, a nice breeze ended up flowing through the window. That and the multitude of painkillers coursing through my veins led me to feel extraordinarily relaxed. These pillows aren't too bad, either. Stack enough of them up and they create a nice cushion to lean back into.

Plus, you're expected to stay still. You just watch tv and play on your phone all day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. They even bring your food to you. In other words, my daily life without the part where I'm called a lazy bum.

Don't mind if I do.

Looking in the mirror, you wouldn't expect me to be such a listless person. If anything, I was exceptionally fit. Almost weirdly so.

Counter-intuitive, maybe. But realistically, it was necessary.

Here me out for just a moment.

So, I work out for two big reasons.

Firstly, it's to strengthen myself. Simply put, if I were to have a generally weak body, how would I be able to lean on my arm for the entirety of a class? If I stayed static all-day, my muscles would fall asleep and cramp upon any sort of physical exertion. And while I would like to avoid any and all of the aforementioned physical exertion, it's required in some way or another.

Secondly, it's to make me tired. Sleeping is by far my favorite activity of all time. Nothing else comes close to a long, uninterrupted sleep. However, there is an art to sleeping. It's not simply a means for regaining energy in order to go out and make a living. Sleeping is special. Too much of it, and it'll lose it's value. Too little, and you'll live a life devoid of happiness. That being said, sleeping when tired is worlds more satisfying than napping for no reason. I go to sleep easier and wake up feeling more satisfied. If I have to tire myself out anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone.

And so, I work out for about an hour a day. While it always takes an excessively unpleasant amount of effort, I consider it to be worth it in order to keep myself at peak levels of comfort for the 23 hours of the day that I'm still as a stone.

This, combined with my eating habits, has led me to end up with quite the physique.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. I eat once a day, after working out. Eating three medium meals a day takes too much time compared to one big meal a day. That means time wasted. Time when I'm moving, when I could be, well, not. This essentially leads to a daily 23-hour fast.

Healthy? Maybe not. Efficient, most definitely so.

Plus, food tastes better when you're hungry. If I end up trying to eat multiple meals a day, I'll always leave my plate half full. Either I chuck the remains, wasting them, or Komachi saves them as leftovers and I'm forced to eat them again, when they don't taste as good

The result? I'm extremely lean. Not weak, nor skinny, just fit. I don't pride myself on my raw strength, but I'm in undeniably healthy condition.

And no, that's not me inflating my own ego. Even from an objective standpoint, I am weirdly 'ripped' for a boy of my age.

All that aside, my most striking feature would have to be my eyes. As many people have told me over the years, they look an awful lot like a lazy fish swimming in a pond. They're definitely not lookers by any means, but I've been told that they've improved from my old dead-fish ones in middle school. So, hey, it's better than nothing.

But now, I just couldn't be bothered to take anything seriously. Conflicts take too much effort. Moving takes too much effort. School takes too much effort. Effort takes too much effort.

In fact, I'm tiring myself out just thinking about it all.

"Now, you must be sure not to do anything too strenuous in the next two weeks. Otherwise, you could rip the stitches. Also, your fracture isn't 100%, so please be gentle with it" The doctor said to me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but a tug from my side stopped me. I turned my head to look at Komachi, but only received her trademark toothy grin in return.

"Ah, don't worry, Doc. Onii-chan will be fine. I mean, at home, he's way too lazy to even stand up, unless you force him. Or bribe him" Komachi commented cheerfully.

My feelings would be hurt if she was lying. But she wasn't.

The doctor visibly sweat dropped and looked to me for confirmation, to which I simply nodded and shot him a thumbs up. Talking takes too much effort, makes my throat hurt.

"Ah, well, in that case… you're free to go, Hikigaya-kun."

I brought my other hand up to give him a double thumbs up, before tugging on Komachi's sleeve.

"Hmm?" she asked, tilting her head at me.

"Hey, Komachi. Do you think you could grab a wheelchair and just push me back home?" I asked, tapping her shoulder repeatedly.

bonk*

She chopped me. Rude.

I should be anxious. After all, I missed the first three weeks of school. Everyone will have already made cliques. There will be no space for me to socialize.

Ah, how sad! My high-school life, over before it even started…

… nah, I'm just joking around. Truthfully, I couldn't care less. If anything, I actually preferred it this way. Now, I had a solid excuse when I would inevitably end up sitting by myself and making no effort socialize.

Creating and maintaining relationships of any kind take effort. Way too much of it. I'd rather just relax by myself. Oh, except for Komachi. Komachi can stay.

That's not an excuse, either. I don't secretly want to make friends, or enemies. I am simply the most comfortable when alone, with no responsibilities. Nothing to worry about, and therefore nothing to hold me down.

Anyways, I had finally made it to school for the first time. Oh, and I'm only a month late, how nice.

Making my way through the gates, I activated skill 17 of 108: 'Stealth Hikki'

I've been working on it for quite some time. It's not perfect, but it's getting there.

The basic premise is that I make my existence so incredibly insignificant that the artists don't even bother to draw in my face. Sometimes, if they're under a deadline, they don't even draw me in at all.

After all, I'm just another one of the extras.

I parked and locked my bike at the rack, before hefting my bag up onto my shoulder and trudging my way to class.

I knew which class was mine. I didn't know exactly where it was, but a bit of searching and I was quick to find it.

Waiting for a gap in students, I slipped into the classroom. Most people simply ignored me, and those that didn't soon returned to whatever they were talking about with their friends. Finding the only open seat, I assumed it was mine and plopped down into the chair.

I crossed my arms and put them on the rest, creating a makeshift pillow. After another quick look around to make sure nobody was staring at me, I settled my head on my arms and let myself to release a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

Infiltration: successful

I fiddled with the bread packaging, trying to get a grip on the seam to rip it open. It seemed that whatever idiot designed the packaging decided to make the seam both small, and slippery due to the lack of serrations.

To top it all off, when I did get a grasp, the glue holding the plastic packaging open was too strong and my fingers just ended up sliding off.

Truly, it was an annoying situation.

Mumbling in frustration, I eventually gave up and just leaned my back up against the chain fence. On the bright side, it was a nice day out. I had no idea this spot would be so comfortable when I first found it. With the sea breeze making a full appearance, the world seemed so calm up here.

Compared to the busy hallways and classrooms of Soubu, it was just so peaceful… so comfortable… so… sleepy…

… I was woken up by the bell signaling the end of lunch.

I looked down at the packaged bread that I had somehow managed to roll over in my sleep. It was still shut tight.

Damn. Now I'll be hungry during class.

Math hurts my brain. Initially, I thought that I stare at it hard enough, I'll suddenly understand it. I'm sure that the 49th time I read over the question, it'll all make sense…

… as if. Now, all I've gotten for my troubles is a headache.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a bottle of minor painkillers. Pulling the cap off, I found a note stuck inside. Opening it up, I saw that it was from Komachi.

'Keep going, Onii-chan!'

Ah, by beloved imouto. The only hope for the continuation of the Hikigaya family name.

…

Leaning down, I pressed the large grey button and angled my mouth to the right.

Only for the stream of water to miss completely and end up splashing all over my cheek.

Note to self: this hallway's water fountain is a 9/10 in terms of strength. However, it's only a 3/10 in terms of coldness.

How unfortunate.

…

I woke up to a familiar sensation. Well, one that I was growing acquainted with as the days went by. It seems that I have, once again, gotten smacked over the head by a rolled-up wad of paper.

Damn, it seems Sensei got me again.

The running score is…

… ah, I forgot.

I'm pretty sure I'm winning, though.

And just like that, the year passed. In an environment full of attention-seekers, it wasn't hard to keep to myself in the background. I put in the bare minimum amount of effort required to get by academically. I went about my life day-by-day, doing how I pleased. For the most part, people simply left me alone. A couple people tried to approach me during the first week, but all left soon enough.

Just like they always do.

I wasn't worth interacting with in their eyes. Or my eyes, for that matter. I wasn't so conceited to believe I deserved their attention, nor did I particularly want it. I understood that relationships go two-ways, and I wasn't good at holding up my end of the deal.

Time came and went. Seasons passed. Then, before I knew it, I was a second year.

My first year went by smoothly, and I got by in relative comfort. There's no reason why the second year should be any different.

Right?

I've been sitting on this idea for a bit, and decided to put out the first chapter. Boring, yes, but it'll get better (hopefully).

Re-written 11/7/20