For those of you who will inevitably complain about the lack of an disclaimer: There was a tragic misunderstanding at our birth which led to Miss Rowling become the famous author of Harry Potter and not me. While I spend my life as a well known anonymous man of mystery and good looks, she is condemned to live with a legendary grip of this dratted English language and hopefully loads of wealth and lickspittles, something I am constantly struggling with. All claims to the contrary are naught cries for attention of lesser side characters which you should not waste your precious time with.
Neither do I have any claims on the many crossover characters who keep messing the storyline - It's not my fault that someone else wrote them first!
Gosh this project got longer and longer, there are already 16 chapters written and one - much to soapy - end chapter that does not fit to the story arch anymore. You can vote for the frequency of updating if you click around on my profile somewhere - fancy, huh?
Oh, before I forget. The story is rated M, because I don't know what might short your fuse and I don't really have any relatable inner measure for decency or manners.
Please like and comment - you know, its the small things ... If you feel that the first chapter is to slow for your liking, be patient, I promise wreath and destruction :-) you might like to read my other stories which are kind of prequels to this larger story and have a little more speed since they have a lot of fewer words in them.
~.~
Chapter 1: In which we will meet Harry Potter at the very end.
(military music)
In a galaxy far far away…
After the Imperial Order had taken over
Only the Sith remained
For thousands of years
Their empire ruled with an iron fist
Crushing all initiatives to use the force
Under the feets of their clone warriors
And the endless army of battle droids
Yadadada
… there is no princess in this story.
Meanwhile ...
Many, many years after what became known as the battle of Hogwarts, the magic realm of earth and the technologic world of the muggles had drifted completely apart. The total isolation from the muggle world had become paramount and was enforced by means of memory charms, hiding spells and - after long years of intense magic sciencing - an earth wide magic awareness suppressor field. A field that kept everyone from noticing anything that would not be already known by those who surrounded them.
When the ward stone based field was finally erected, the Wizards were so proud of their invention that the minor downsides were not only ignored but welcomed. The fast technological innovation cycles of the muggles had been too rapid and disrupting anyways. A slower pace in innovation and progress would benefit both sides and was worth the small price of not being able to mentally process anything too alien that would differ too much from what was known already around someone - no matter of being a Wizard or muggle.
Every space traveler who came back to earth noticed the effect and was unable to explain it to anyone as long as being on earth. The consequence was that in the short span of a single century, the human innovation and technology culture had literally fled to outer space together with 90% of the earth population. The space colonies were thriving and progressing their abilities while earth became a place for some to grow up, learn the basics and then leave into the wonders of the space realm where your first shock was that with leaving the earth far enough under your feets, your brain became suddenly a manically overpowered innovation engine.
The vast majority of the first-time space travelers were so overwhelmed by this jump in cognitive abilities that almost all of them choose to never come back, even more when it became apparent that restoring all suppressed previous knowledge after an earth visit was impossible.
The "dumb down effect" when visiting earth became the focus of an entire branch of the Moons "New Science" Academy on the largest and first space colony, the Moon Station Alpha-One. But even the largest Telescopes could not reveal what was happening on earth in some areas, scientific expeditions returned completely mindwiped, recordings were fried or deleted, Telecommunication almost impossible, even written instructions that came back from earth would only contain banalities. After going down to earth even the brightest or trickiest minds of the volunteers would be lucky if they remembered where their Space Elevator was so that they could return home, but all their previous scientific knowledge was reset to facts that were already known before the year 2043 - the year where the trouble had started.
The Magic Awareness Suppressor field had bound the Wizards to earth just like it had condemned technologic evolution to outer space, so the Wizards stayed on earth in blissful ignorance of everything that was more modern than the space elevators - not that they would have been interested anyways. At the moment they had left the space civilization in the dark about the existence of magic, they had abandoned all future spaceborn Wizards and Witches outside earth, a fact that escaped the Wizards of 2043 who were celebrating their M.A.S. victory and the craze that went with the first open Quidditch World Cup since more than 800 years!
It took more than half a century until the first children with "the curse" were born outside of earth. Even if their Squib relatives would have initially known about magic, this knowledge had been erased from their memory by the M.A.S Field when they had left earth. So it took even longer until some of the magic children survived their childhood, mainly those whose magic was weak enough to not destroy life support systems in their first bout of accidental magic. These magic bouts of capable magic children brought down spaceships and whole space stations, leaving thousands of casualties and many questions and suspicions.
Tragically those incidents were contributing to aggravate the rift between the Outer Rim colonies and the inner planets and moon colonies who kept accusing each others of terrorism, just because no other cause could be found. All of which could have been prevented if only the Wizards had explained the existence of their powers.
The scientific community finally, after nearly a century of frustrating research and failed experiments acknowledged that something nonscientific like an unknown force seemed to exist that was not compatible with any form of microelectronics. And that the Earth shield was somehow part of it, just like the unlucky survivors of the few "force" ridden children that had been found.
Moon Station Alpha-One tried to give shelter to the very few affected children who survived their first magical seizures. In the earth year 2140 disused military storage cavern, buried kilometers deep under the moon surface was emptied to build a technology independent environment where the wizard children could survive. The cavern was terraformed with lightning and all life-support systems operating from another cave in a safe enough distance.
At first it was discussed whether this would further the social isolation of the affected population from the rest of humanity, but after only a few years the cave and its extension were the most popular holiday resort of homesick space travelers that didn't want to be memory whipped when visiting earth. Many of the visitors only wanted to walk in the park with the oversized trees due to the low gravity and see the simple living conditions of the isolated force sensitive community. The initial cave had to be continuously expanded and soon hosted a selected mix of animals and plants together with hundreds of large Holiday-Resorts in a safe distance.
The center of the initial cave was dominated by the "New Moons totally nonscientific school for force sensitive humans", which rechristened itself after only a few hours into "Loony Academy", a title that became much more popular, even under their pupils.
After years of utter academically dissent, the "Moons New Science Academy" and the "New Nonscientific Moon Academy" had finally agreed that they were both attacking the same field of unknown, which soon became popular as "the magic force". The resulting scientific bickering and intense holding of conferences in the exquisite hotels of the Moons underground Earth-Biospheres resulted in only few results.
The erratic magic force was incompatible with integrated electronic circuits. It defied the fundamental laws of physics, since it seemed to be able to generate mass or energy out of nothing.
The sad thing was that it could not be exactly measured because it kept frying instruments and the gifted individuals were unable to control it or comprehend it any better.
Nevertheless the scientific community came up with hundreds if not thousands of theories and hypotheses. The scientists agreed that the existence of something so utterly unexplainable and elusive as a "magic force" that could be experienced and was documented beyond any reasonable doubt but was at the same time not measurable or predictable by any means, made an excellent conversation piece for true scientists. It went especially well between sipping a margarita and enjoying the view of the shenanigans of the younger, lesser educated and clothed people relaxing in the Lunar Terraform Parks that stretched in front of their favorite convention centers.
The best scientific explanations for the sheer existence of "the magic force" so far were:
- Adams Law: Science discovered too many of the fundamental principles of reality, so the universe itself decided to level up it's complexity, to keep things interesting.
- It must be something with parallel universes or stuff.
- It must be something with quantum mechanics or stuff.
The worst explanations so far were:
- Bugger off and ask one of those Nonscientific guys, they are too snotty anyways. All they keep repeating is "Told you sou, told you so". Bunch of looneys them, altogether.
- Superpowers, Intervention of God, magic or stuff.
When the powerful AIs Stations from the outer asteroid belts and on Titan finally became self-aware, they were really interested in getting to the roots of the magic force 'problem' as well, but first they focused on fixing some more imminent problems of the far out settlers in their hundreds of thousands of scattered space stations and terraforming colonies.
~..~
Earth Year 2166
The imperial consultancy battleship arrived in earth orbit without any preamble and unceremoniously descended into the earth atmosphere, landing on top of London of all places!
The magic world barely took notice - that was until things began to get annoying.
Earth's muggles did not seem to be too eager to bend their knees and supply the galactic empire with facilities, workers and soldiers which was what the galactic emperor seemed to demand. The Earthers seemed to have problems to wrap their tiny, earthbound minds around the idea of a new order of things. They preferred to continue their routines, completely ignoring that they were now under the protection of the galactic empire.
The colonies on Titan, Mars, Venus, the Moon and the many billions of space settlers in the Kuiper- and the Van Halen Belt were watching in fascination and growing concern as the first contact with an alien civilization looked more and more like an alien invasion of earth.
The theory that the stupidity effect of earth would eradicate any technological advantage of the invaders was soon proven wrong. The telescopes showed that the troops and ships were spreading and the soldiers seemed undisturbed, just like the many battle droids that poured out of the alien ship.
Not that the rather backward population of the magical world would have been concerned by any of any of this. The Quidditch World Cup 2166 was way more interesting than a couple of skirmishes between the storm troopers and some unrelenting muggle scallywags.
With respect to traditions well established, when the Sub-Emperor of the Galactic Imperium demanded to be publicly acknowledged as Imperial Protector only 3 month before the Quidditch World Cup 2166, the magic community did send out their most experienced ambassador to properly subdue this alien emperor and show his so called empire their right place - right next to the ever so annoying Goblins. And muggles.
.
As a first sign of complications, the ambassador never returned from his first meeting with the alien emperor.
.
Well, the wizards were used to deal with dark lords - they did show up quite regularly all around the globe after all - for quite a while - and every time an equally mighty magic savior with a tragic backstory and loads of ethical justifications showed up through some improbable magic feat, or a prophecy was made with an easy step by step instruction of how to beat the next evil overlord.
Unknown to most of the worlds magic population, the Unspeakables had established a well oiled saviour production process. Whenever needed they gathered all available seers, provided a good chunk of "special potions" to them and mass produced prophecies until one seemed fitting enough. After this, they would awake someone appropriate from their well filled storage of slumbering, proven dark lord slayers from the "magic sleep" they had tricked them into and set him or her on its way to fulfill their fate - once again. Problem solved.
The last dark Lord was banished only minutes after he sacrificed his first unicorn, because the Unspeakables had a small bit of an overproduction of dark lord related prophecies already at hand from their previous years. Additionally, with the dwindling numbers of wizards, the Dark Lords had become a rarity as well as the number of petrified heroes in storage.
~...~
Interrogation room 23, Ministry of Magic,London
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Mr. Potter, I assure you that the circumstances are really dire and that we would never have made harsh decisions like this without following every other possible avenue of actions beforehand. But these are really extraordinary and unpredictable turnings of Fate we have experienced that led us to wake you up."
"I'm not complaining about the waking up part. It's the putting me into a century long petrification part that rather upsets me! And since my memories all seem to be a bit hazy shortly before I entered the Wizengamot, I strongly assume that I was fideliused, imperiused or blatantly lied to beforehand."
"I was not part of that procedure Mr. Potter, so I cannot tell. At that time I was not even born so I suggest that we both try to let the past rest and we focus on the present issue at hand. We could sit here for days without getting any wiser between the two of us, because I know nothing of what happened back then. All I know is that you were agreeing to wait in limbo to fight another dark lord."
"Ahh, I remember now! Waiting in limbo - as you put it - was sold to me as a wonderful opportunity to go to an alternate plane of existence where I could meet my dead parents and all the other friends that had died when I had to put down first Voldemort for SEVEN fucking times in a row for fucks sake and then Malfoys Army of the Undead and after that Lady Trumf, Petrov the Last, the fricken Unending Triumvirate of Rome One, Two and Four and so on. From my point of view it was only two months ago that I came back from China where I banished the Manticore King of Mongolia! Because I strongly believe that the so called limbo was nothing more than a mirror and a Basilisk who petrified me and it took you 120 years to even remember that you had me stored somewhere in an old cupboard.
I thought that I could enjoy a couple of months of calm dead-family-and-friends time to get myself back on track. And now you tell me that the ritual was deeply misunderstood and, and … ". Harry threw up his arms in frustration only to put them back to muster his right hand in astonishment.
"Ah yes, I see you noticed that we could regrow your arm after we could remove the cursed Manticore bite that you suffered there, which would have killed you in a couple of months otherwise. You might not have noticed it yet, but we could even remove the curse that caused the naughty short-sightedness of yours. You do not need to wear any glasses any more!"
Harry was fuming.
"Minister Bladdermole, yes I have noticed that my glasses are missing, not due to my bad eyesight but due to the fact that they were much more than only glasses. I had my eyes healed a long time ago. What you removed was the connector enchantment that enabled me to use the many magic improvements that I copied into these glasses from the remains of an ancient artifact that I inherited from Alastor Moody.
I have noticed as well that you did not give me any of my belongings, my wand, my family rings, my cloak and many more. Nor do you have them with you because I would have noticed the call of my wand."
"Mister Potter all those things are just minor inconveniences that we will hurriedly see put straight right after we come to an agreement between the two of us. I have a prophecy here that tells us in a surprisingly straight way that it is you that has to banish the extraterrestrial Dark Lord."
"Are you aware that a fucking prophecy and its ridiculous over-interpretation was responsible not only for the deaths of my parents, my childhood imprisonment and for the deaths of many many of my other friends?
Prophecies are worth nothing!
They are unclear ramblings of partialy gifted individuals who not understand what they are seeing when they give it. You could ask a monkey to describe what he sees when watching a jet engine and he would correctly answer "Oh behold, doom is near! An entity approaches that sucks at first but goes boom in the end!" I would rather not listen to any other prophesy in my whole life again."
"Mr. Potter, of course you are right although I must admit that I do not know what you are talking about. In general prophecies do not help their main subjects in the tiniest bit. They might help their surroundings to make some decisions that seem rather surprising and against all probability, but the main subject is lost in vague probabilistic references and cryptic descriptions. We have gathered quite a bit of experience in the last century and made it a science to get behind the facts of it. We are sure, in this particular case you would miss out an opportunity to hear the last prophecy that was made. It is quite unique."
With that the Minister brought forward a small glass cube that had only the misty inner impression in common with what Harry remembered from the rather unhandy prophecy orb he listened to more than 150 years ago. The voice of a quite drunk sounding seer could be heard mumbling something untellable when suddenly his voice changed and he shouted roaringly in the unmistakable voice of a true prophecy:
"YOU SHALL WAKE UP MR HARRY POTTER FROM HIS SLUMBER OR YOU WILL ALL DIE!
AT THE SAME TIME!
HORRIBLY!
UNTIL THEN THIS IS THE LAST MESSAGE!
SEE TO IT!"
Stunned silence filled the room for a minute.
"Well that was unexpected"