Ideal x Answer

by LookItsADoggy

The man once named "EMIYA" realises something in the ruins of Einzbern Castle. No matter the people they meet, the place they're born, or the shape of their body, "Emiya Shirou" will always arrive at the same answer, the same conclusion; at "Unlimited Blade Works". It is a female Shirou who proves the worth of Kiritsugu's ideals to Archer, and is left to wander the Moonlit World.

1. Chapter 0 - Question and Conclusion

Don't have much to say. The bottom will probably be full though. Just three small things.

First: for anyone who reads my other fic, don't worry. It's not dead. Just been occupied with irl stuff. Writing this to get back into the swing of things. Don't expect consistent updates for either this or that.

Second: Why a female Shirou? Just felt like it. No reason in particular. I have no bias for or against whatever, I don't have any particular plans for a pairing or romance or whatever. Wrote this on a whim and said 'hey wouldn't that be neat'.

Third: Prepare for the most awkwardly intense prologue to ever exist. I never thought I'd be writing something that starts at the climax of a character arc. Don't take this as an actual teaser for what the story will be like. Stick around for next chapter.

Anyway, that's all for the pre-chapter AN.

You clicked on this to read something, so here it is I guess.

---

"Ideal" x "Answer"

Chapter 0 – "Question" and "Conclusion"

---

The man who once held the name "Emiya Shirou" was a man who was born with nothing, and eventually left with nothing.

The name "Shirou" was not his true name, the family "Emiya" was not his true family, and that ideal was nothing more than a borrowed fantasy from a dying old man.

Of course, for someone as pitiful as that, there was only one way pursuing that ideal could end.

In utter failure.

He killed and he killed and he killed.

Over and over and over.

To protect that worthless dream.

Eventually, he killed so much for that dream that he had forgotten his own name.

He stayed that way – a nameless machine who killed for the sake of a worthless ideal – for thousands of years, filled only with regrets.

But then… something changed.

He was summoned to "that place" – which had felt so familiar, yet he couldn't remember why – to fight in "that war" – which had brought so much sorrow to him, yet he couldn't understand why – under "that person" – who had felt so important to him, yet he couldn't understand why.

And then he met her.

That 'girl'. If she could be called such a thing.

The very sight of her brought bile to his mouth. He didn't get why.

Soft yet wild red hair, an innocent face, a thin body, and an annoying ever-present hollow smile plastered on that stupid face.

Nothing had gotten the nameless man, "Archer", to react as viscerally as he did right now in the last thousand years.

…Yet, just one look at those eyes…

–A rusted gold.
Far too dim to match the brightness of the sun.
Far too hollow to match the beauty of a bar of gold.

The eyes of a hollow machine, whose life was burned away by a fire.

…

Why did they burn with so much resolve when chasing that worthless ideal?

…was enough to fill him with an intense hatred.

And then he watched.

Watched as that girl fought one pointless fight after another. First Berserker, where she nearly died. Then Caster, where she nearly died again. Then again, against Caster and her master for a second time, where she had nearly died again.

And that was when it had clicked in place.

Observing from a distance as a fire ignited behind those golden eyes, as she called forth the black and white swords; he had realised why everything had felt so familiar.

Why he had known his way around the city, despite never having been summoned here. Why he felt as if his Master was so important, why he could not help but care for the result of this 'Holy Grail War'…

…And above else, why he had felt such utter hatred for the girl named "Emiya Shirou".

Because he was once that same person, "Emiya Shirou".

That girl, whose name was written with "始" for beginning and "滝" for waterfall… she might not have been the exact version of himself that he sought to put an end to…

But it was still painful looking into that twisted mirror of the past.

Everything about her, from the hair to the eyes to the magic circuits to her servant, was the same as that stupid boy named "Emiya Shirou" who had once fought in this war too.

And that was enough for him, Counter Guardian EMIYA.

If he could not save himself from the fate of this ideal, then at the very least, he'd save her.

He'd put an end to Emiya Shirou.

He would not allow the monstrosity that was the machine of 'Unlimited Blade Works' to consume her.

---

Shirou walked slowly through the crumbling hall of Einzbern Castle, Lancer and Saber following behind her.

A stony look is set on her face, and her burning golden eyes hollowed out.

…She knew what enemy awaited her.

His form was visible in the distance, faint and blurry. White hair waved ever so slightly in the cold wind of daybreak. He was standing disturbingly still, his red outfit billowing slightly.

But despite being blurry, she could still see every detail.

And she knew he could see every detail of her.

He was "Archer", but not an "archer". The Noble Phantasms he wielded were indeed Noble Phantasms, but they were also not Noble Phantasms.

A hero but not a hero. A human but not a human.

…She should have realised who that man truly was much sooner than she really did.

The Holy Grail does not care for time and space. It will pull its chosen warriors from every age, from histories that have already passed, histories that never passed and histories that had yet to pass.

Even if he wasn't born a woman, even if his hair was bleached white and his skin tanned, she should have known. She should have known the moment she had seen those dreams, the moment she created Kanshou and Bakuya…

She should have known the moment she looked into those eyes.

The man catches a glimpse of something clutched tightly within Shirou's hands. A chain dangles from it and it flashes red.

…

He scoffed. So she brought it here. What a sentimental idiot.

His eyes narrowed. "Is that mine or yours?"

For a brief moment, Shirou paused, looking down at the pendant in her hands.

"…" She says nothing, looking back at the solemn figure.

She hurled the pendant across the hall, and the man caught it effortlessly.

"…No matter what, a catalyst is needed in order to summon a heroic spirit."

The man looked away from the approaching enemies, instead raising his arm, holding the pendant up to eye level, staring intently at it.

"There is no exception. A connection is required. When you summoned Saber, it was Avalon that called forth the king…"

He fingered the chain, staring for a few seconds at the jewel's light before flicking his fingers upwards, bringing the jewel directly into his palm.

"In Rin's case, there was nothing the summoner had to bind the heroic spirit… so instead, the grail called for a heroic spirit which already possessed something that was bound to the summoner."

…

Rin's words resounded through her mind.

…There's only one of those pendants…

Shirou's life was saved because of that pendant. When she woke up, she held onto it, knowing it belonged to whoever rescued her from death.

…There was only one answer.

"…Emiya…" she calls out. She dared not to call him 'Shirou', as she had no clue how Kiritsugu may have named him, but at the very least, they shared that man's family name.

The two finally came within striking distance of one another, tensely staring at their counterpart.

Lancer and Saber flanked around her, their eyes flickering between the two as the knight in red and the red-haired girl say nothing to each other.

Shirou had allies… friends, even, by her side, but that man…

He had nothing. He stood alone atop the staircase in this destroyed hall.

"…Where is Tohsaka?" She broke through the uneasy quiet.

He answered simply, "You were late. So I gave her to Shinji since he passed by earlier."

Shirou's hands balled into a fist, tightening.

Seeing her reaction, Archer scoffs. "I kept my promise with you. I will not bring harm to her. But I have no concern for what someone else may do."

He didn't need to say anything for her to know what Shinji would do. He was filled with humiliation at his earlier defeat, and that would no doubt transform into anger and lust. And since Rin wasn't just going to bend over and submit, he would be provoked and he would-…

…

Just the thought of it sickens Shirou.

The fact that the man's face was cold and emotionless did not help.

He had held onto Tohsaka's pendant, hadn't he? Wasn't that how he was summoned? If he held onto such a thing, then that meant he cared about her, right? How could he just… how could he just let her suffer?

Lancer sighed, stepping forward, placing his hand on the girl's shoulder.

"!"

Shirou flinches briefly, brought out of her emotions by the experienced warrior.

"Calm down kid… don't get riled up so easily. Leave the little girl to me, yeah? You can trust me to save her. I have my own honour as a hero to uphold after all."

The blue-haired spirit looks up towards Archer for just a moment, eyes flickering with a slight disdain towards his actions.

He breaks his hand away from the girl's shoulder, heading left.

…Archer doesn't stop him.

"Wait, Lancer…" Shirou calls out.

Not looking back, Lancer waves lazily behind him. "Don't worry. This is for my own interest too. I've had a fair share of disgusting orders but at least this much… well, saving a girl I can do."

He paused, remembering something.

He looked over his shoulder, facing Saber.

…She doesn't meet his gaze, instead choosing to stare at the man atop the staircase.

"…Oi, Saber… you good? Are you not coming?"

…

"…No…" A pain is hidden beneath the knight's slow speech. "…I'm staying here…"

"…" Lancer tilts his head, slightly confused. "You sure? That girl's not your master anymore. You should be protecting your current one."

Saber meets Lancer's gaze.

"…"

Lancer sees something hidden deep within the emerald orbs. "So that's how it is…" he mutters beneath his breath.

He sighed.

"Fine… if there's something you need to see through to the end… then go ahead."

Lancer says nothing further, disappearing into the passageways of the castle in a flash of blue.

…And Archer… EMIYA… stays silent.

"…"

Shirou hopped over the rubble, hanging her head low. Memories flashed before her eyes. She knew this place. That little girl, Illya, died here. Her eyes were ripped out right in front her and her heart was removed from her body.

Various emotions welled up deep inside of her. Regret, sadness, bitterness. She wanted to just-…

…No, now wasn't the time for that.

She quelled the rising feelings, lifting her head to meet EMIYA once more.

Shirou is vaguely aware of Saber's words behind her.

"…Why, Archer… why do you seek to kill Shirou?"

"There's nothing to explain." Archer answered coldly, never once looking away from the sorry excuse of a human in front of him. "It isn't complicated at all. When two people hate each other, they will seek to kill the other. I cannot approve of this pitiful thing, and she cannot face her inevitable future. As such, we are destined to seek to end each other."

Saber struggled with something internally. She could not comprehend his motives, or perhaps, she did not wish to understand them in the first place.

"T-that… That can't be true…" And it showed in her words, shaky and diminutive. "Even if you were born a man, you should still be 'Emiya Shirou'… you should still have the desire to become a hero… in fact, you became one in the end… Why would you want to kill yourself?"

"…" Archer inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he does so in frustration. "…That. That is exactly why I wish to kill her. Because she's the same. She is 'Emiya Shirou', and even if she is not the past me of my world and timeline, she is still Emiya Shirou."

His eyes opened, and he looked towards Saber.

Despite the fact that his eyes are no longer on her, Shirou froze at the sight.

She caught a glimpse of something in the back of EMIYA's steely silver orbs.

–Cogs of steel. A never ending, slumbering expanse.

…It's an empty place.

"…The one named Emiya Shirou did indeed wish to become a hero. And he did. Eventually, he reached that goal."

Shirou recalled her one wish, her one dream.

To become a hero. Someone who can save everyone in front of them. Someone who does not need to choose between the few and the many. No matter the disaster, no matter the peril, that person would never retreat…

…EMIYA… did he become such a man?

EMIYA sighed. And his face warped. The man's emotionless façade broke, and the face of a tired, broken man leaked through the cracks.

He chuckled hollowly at a joke only he understood.

"…Yes, I certainly did 'save' some people…"

…That sentence felt off to both Saber and Shirou.

…If he did do such a great thing, if he truly was rewarded for pursuing his ideal…

…Then why was he not happy? Why did he wear such a tired expression?

"…Then…" Saber's words are hollow. She herself does not believe in her words. They're a desperate attempt to grasp a fleeting desire. "…You should have no regrets, right? You made your wish come true, so-…"

…

'So there should be no reason to kill Shirou.' That was what she wanted to say.

But she knew they were in the Holy Grail War. Every person who fought in it had a desire, had a regret.

The fact that man was summoned in the first place spoke volumes.

"…I chased that ideal without regret. You are correct in that much, Saber." The man continued. "No matter how many times people turned their back to me, no matter how many times I failed, I never turned back. It's not the path I walked that brought me regret."

…

Shirou speaks up, "Then, what was it?"

She could not understand it. No matter how similar they are, they are different. Regretting something… she could not comprehend the idea of turning her back on that man's dream.

Archer tore his gaze away from Saber, the woman who, once, was his former servant too, and glared down his female doppelganger.

"It was the end of the ideal itself that brought me regrets. Finally being a hero brought me nothing. All that was left was death. I held nothing but emptiness in the end. That is what being a hero means. That is what gave me regret.

"I killed and I killed. I killed and killed and killed and killed. All just so I can save someone." He spat out those two words hatefully.

"Innocents… sinners… it stopped mattering after thousands of years. If I could save someone by killing another, then it would be done."

Saber shivered.

There was no doubt; in Archer, she had seen a mirror image.

…How many times had she sacrificed something for her kingdom?

A kingdom which had inevitably fallen, just like all things did.

"…Was I even thinking for myself? I don't remember. If there was a conflict, I was there. If there was someone who was crying, I was there. If something precious was in danger, I was there. I do not remember bringing myself to those places, I do not remember caring for those people, all I remember is fighting."

Another hollow laugh rumbled through the hall.

"…That's just how the world is. Humans can never be perfect. Someone will always perish, no matter who I save or how many I save. No matter how many conflicts are ended, new conflicts will always rise. There is no such thing as 'peace'. There is no such thing as an end for a hero. There will never be a day where I can smile, happy with who I have saved."

He no longer sounded like he was talking to anyone in the room. His voice was directed elsewhere.

"…And because I was never satisfied, because there was always somewhere else I needed to be, because there was always someone else I needed to help… I continued. I continued to kill. How many times do you think I did it? How many times do you think I killed someone to save another? …Eventually, the line starts to blur. 'Good'… 'Evil'… whether or not someone did something wrong, whether or not they were truly innocent… at some point, after such a long time, it stopped mattering. They were suffering. There was still conflict. I was still alive. So even if they weren't saints, even if they didn't deserve redemption, I still moved to save them, simply because I was alive."

…

Shirou knew the words that came next. "I just wanted the people I could see in front of me to not cry."

She beat him to them.

…That was certainly her own wish.

Her words brought EMIYA back to reality, and his voice is anchored back in the present world. "…And after everyone in front of you is happy, what then? Will you simply not turn your head? Will you simply just keep that same, narrow view of the world? Will you play blind to the suffering of everything around you, keeping to what is in front of you?"

His words were once again directed to the girl in front of him.

She scowled.

Of course not. That wasn't what she wanted. If someone was suffering, she would help them. She would ne-

"Never stop."

Shirou's thoughts froze. She gaped silently at EMIYA.

"…That was what you were thinking, wasn't it? You would never stop. Your view of the world would expand. After everyone in front of you is happy, then you turn to the left, and now a new set of people are in your view…"

"…"

Where was he going with this?

"…And how many more times after that? After you save ten people, what then? A hundred? Then after that, a thousand? A million? And by then? How much have you left behind? How many others have you sacrificed to ensure the happiness of those few? Can you count them? Is it more or less than those you saved? For every time you take down ten criminals to save one hundred innocents, there is another time you take down five soldiers to rescue one hostage. There is no end. You lose track. Eventually, you stop caring… that was when it became clear, the ideal of a hero is just that… an ideal. A foolish dream, never to be realised, existing only in the hearts of children and idiots."

…No, Shirou refused to accept it. "Why is that?" She questioned harshly.

EMIYA's eyes narrowed. A frown marred his face. "…Are you really asking, girl? As if you have no idea? Even as foolish as you are, as young and inexperienced as you currently are… you should already know."

"…"

"There are fewer opportunities for happiness than there are people. Not everyone can sit at the table of happiness. There will be those left to stand against the walls and sit against the corners. Since not everyone can be saved, someone will be sacrificed. Do you understand, Emiya Shirou, or do you need me to spell it out for you?"

"No." She responded, with coldness and hate matching EMIYA's own. "I get it now."

Perhaps she always understood, but simply refused to see it.

There was the nature of humans and the law of the world, which had stated not everyone could be happy.

And there was the desire for nobody to be sad.

When those two things coexist, there was only one result.

…The statement of her wish, 'I just wanted the people I could see in front of me to not cry', took on a different meaning.

The truth of that ideal was that a hero could only save people when they chose sides.

If she wished to save someone, she would have to turn her back on another. She would have to tear that person away from her view, and look the other way.

And EMIYA… the side that he choose to stand on…

"…And you…" she called out to the shattered reflection of her future. "…You chose to stand with the many, didn't you?"

To sacrifice everything to save just one.

To sacrifice just one to save everything.

When confronted with that choice, to someone like the two of them, who wished to save as many people as possible, there was only one correct choice, wasn't there?

"…" His response was not instant.

A flicker of steel.

Shirou caught sight of it once more. That place behind EMIYA's eyes. The giant, rusted cogs turned once more.

…What twisted memory was the man recalling? What person had he held close to him, only to have to sacrifice them to save another?

"…A hero has to save more people than he condemns, doesn't he? That's what separates them from a villain… So I killed. I prayed for a day where no one had to die, but it could never come. If I wanted to save someone, a seat at the table of happiness had to be opened…

"I turned my back. I said I would never bring despair to anyone in my view, so I turned away from them and left them in the dark to save another. That is the impossibility you face, Emiya Shirou. Can you handle such a burden?"

Even if Shirou's back was all Saber could see, the knight knew. Archer's words were rattling her. She wanted to call out to her former master, 'Don't listen', 'He's wrong', 'He's just trying to demoralise you before your fight'…

But the words would not leave her mouth.

After all, she had once done the same thing. Sacrificing villages to gain a tactical advantage in a war. Leaving knights behind on a suicide mission simply to buy a minute of time.

"…I couldn't handle the burden… It pained me every time I had to make that choice… But eventually, I grew numb to it. To protect my mind and my ideal, I shut myself off from my emotions, and I continued to kill, continued to go against everything that my ideal stood for. I only saved those who were in my view and left everyone who opposed me behind. I allowed 'someone' to be sacrificed…"

"No." Shirou cut in, denying EMIYA's words with all her might.

She would never do that. She would never turn her back on her ideal, even if it was to protect it. She would never stop trying, she would never stop running…

She refused to believe she would ever sink to such a low.

"That's a lie. And even if it were true, you would have chosen yourself to be that 'someone' to protect that ideal."

If it meant she could save someone, anyone at all, at the cost of no-one else… then that would be what she did.

She would give herself up, give up chasing that ideal and her own chance at happiness for the sake of that person.

EMIYA froze at her words, seemingly shocked at something she did or said.

And then he laughed. He laughed as if he's heard the funniest joke in the world.

A deep, haunting cackle bounces off the walls of the castle, ringing in Shirou's ears.

"…I see…" He whispered lowly after his laughter subsided.

"Perhaps I was just a bit wrong… Maybe you and I are even just the tiniest bit different."

His eyes hardened once more, his glare even sharper and filled with even more hate than before. "But it doesn't matter. No matter how much you and I may be different, we are still the same. You still bear the name 'Emiya Shirou', and you still wish to be a hero."

His voice rose, booming across the hall. "No matter how much you strive to preserve that ideal, even if you end up sacrificing yourself, you are still 'Emiya Shirou', a fool to the end. The world will not care for your ideals. No matter how much you wish otherwise, you will still sacrifice 'someone' for the sake of 'another'. You will still kill even if you never regret. You are a tool. A machine which cannot think for itself, only acting for the sake of an idiot's dream."

And as if he had never raised his voice at all, an overpowering, tormenting silence fills the room.

His next words barely qualified as whispers, but they're heard loud and clear by both Shirou and Saber.

"…Someone who does not regret. Who will kill selfishly to save another because they cannot help but long for a child's fantasy. A person who will never turn back, never feel something for themselves, because all that matters is their ideal… You are still that person. You are still Emiya Shirou…"

"…"

…What was she supposed to say in return?

Ignorant to her thoughts, EMIYA finished, "…Such a disgusting creature… If you were to look at it from an outside perspective, wouldn't you wish to kill it too?"

"…So then, what?" Saber whispered back. The same hate that filled Shirou and EMIYA's words to each other fills Saber's too, if only for a brief moment.

"Because the path you walked was wrong, and you were betrayed the nature ideal you had held so closely… you seek to kill a version of yourself to atone for your sins?"

Emiya chuckled again, answering Saber with a resigned voice.

"Don't be stupid, Saber. The creature known as 'Emiya Shirou' is not like you. Did you not listen to what I said earlier? I do not regret the actions I took nor the path I walked. I regret the nature of the ideal itself. I have no sins to acknowledge, nor have I forced such a meaningless concept on anyone, least of all a twisted mirror of my past self."

The last portion of his speech twisted into a cruel whisper.

"Besides, even if I cared to atone for the things I did, I would have already done it long ago. How do you think I died? I was certainly betrayed and deceived many times. Once, I had stopped a war, but ended up executed anyways after the public thought I was its cause."

"…So that was how you died…" Saber said nothing further.

…It reminded her too much of her own past and failures to her people.

Mordred, Lancelot, Guinevere, Camelot…

…

"But even still, I did not care." For some reason, despite no one asking him to continue with his story, EMIYA felt a strange compulsion to spill out everything he had kept locked inside for thousands of years.

"Even if I was betrayed, what did it matter? That was what Emiya Shirou thought. He never did anything to be appreciated. The people he saved were alive in the end, so if they killed him, so be it."

Archer's face scrunched up. There was a mixture of pain and annoyance, tinged with regret and disgust.

"He just wished for everyone to be happy…"

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he tried to relax his face.

"…"

He failed.

"…But such a wish is impossible to fulfil. Even with my death. I will admit, I do regret one thing… one thing and one thing only. I should never have become a Counter Guardian."

Saber bit her lip, frustrated and confused. "What do you mean? Counter Guardians are those who become heroic spirits after death, sworn to defend humanity for as long as it exists… how could that lead to… this?"

"…" EMIYA gave Saber a look of pure pity, as if gazing upon an ignorant child. A sad, pitying smile slowly rose.

"…Guardians do not protect anything. They are certainly not heroes in any sense of the word. Knowing that… I still accepted the offer to become one, because 'Emiya Shirou' is incapable of thinking for themselves. Even if I knew I could not become a hero that way, it didn't matter. Because it was one more opportunity to save just one more person."

Slowly, Archer started to walk, approaching the staircase at a snail's pace.

"Counter Guardians are an outside force, placing humanity's survival before everything. They stop living their lives. They stop being human. They are completely removed from reincarnation and the cycle of the world, reduced to being slaves… only called upon in the event of humanity's extinction. But that was fine for Emiya Shirou. It was fine becoming a guardian if it meant it could stop humanity's destruction."

EMIYA's painfully slow steps were empty, carrying no weight in them, yet they overpowered every other sound in the area.

"…It was a pointless wish. Guardians cannot save anything. They do not make anyone happy. They are called, they eliminate the threat, and they leave. They do not distinguish between right and wrong and they do not care for the survivors. Anything at any cost to prevent humanity's destruction; that is how the Counter Guardians operate."

His steps drew closer and closer. And as his body came nearer, his voice grew louder. "They do not eliminate despair. Rather, they eliminate those in despair. All to save someone who is already happy… How ridiculous… was that any different from what I was doing before?"

And finally, after what felt like an eternity, EMIYA reached the bottom of the staircase.

Shirou, still, could not look at EMIYA eye to eye. He was older, his body was better built, he was taller. No matter what, she had to look up to meet his eyes, and he had to look down to meet hers.

"…To answer your question Saber, to why I must kill Emiya Shirou… I've told you everything, you should understand now, shouldn't you? Emiya Shirou is rotten to the core. A monster who will never make a difference. He, she… it doesn't matter. No matter what, Emiya Shirou will surely walk down that rotten path, sacrificing everything, gaining nothing."

One last time, he looked behind the girl who brought forth so many painful memories to look at the woman who had once been his own servant. "…You've seen it, haven't you? The only true Noble Phantasm I own, my Reality Marble. It is an abomination that should not exist. A fake place filled with fake swords for a fake person who chases a fake ideal."

His eyes flicked back to Shirou. A thin blue streak of light ignited beneath the skin of her arms.

"…If not because the existence of 'Unlimited Blade Works' is a mistake, if not because Emiya Shirou is a mistake that must be corrected, if not because I simply utterly despise the girl in front of me… Then at the very least, as a Counter Guardian, I should eliminate the person in front of me before she kills countless amounts in a selfish pursuit."

He stopped speaking.

Killing intent flooded the room, choking the sunlight and wind.

Shirou's breath hitched.

…No… she couldn't give in… she wouldn't accept it.

She raised her voice, "Tell me, Archer… you keep referring to Emiya Shirou as a mistake, a monster, an abomination… I wish to hear it one more time in no uncertain terms, by itself. Not to answer a question, not to prove a point, I just wish to hear your honest feelings."

"…"

"…Archer, do you regret being Emiya Shirou?"

"Yes." He answered instantly, certainty filling his voice. "Emiya Shirou should have died in that fire. Emiya Shirou should never have sought to become a hero."

And with that statement, Shirou found something within her.

"I see."

EMIYA blinked.

…What did she 'see'?

"Then you and I… we are not the same. I will never end at the same conclusion you reached. Your 'Unlimited Blade Works' will never come to fruition."

He was not her, nor was he her future.

She had found a reason to fight and stand up against the overpowering foe in front of her.

"I will never regret it. No matter what happens. And so…"

Her circuits blazed, and a fire lit behind her golden eyes.

Somehow, EMIYA's killing intent, forged by thousands upon millions of battles and killing blows, is matched in an instant by the killing intent of a little girl who had only fought a handful of battles.

"I will never approve of you. If you say that you are the result of my ideal, then I'll destroy such an incorrect result with my own hands."

She took the first step forward.

That was how she had resolved herself to live. Even if she was wrong, even if her courage and will was fake, and even if she was nothing more than a shattered fragment of a proper person…

She wouldn't regret it.

"…" Archer scowled intensely, his own circuits activating beneath his red shroud. "That way of thinking is the cause of all of this. Eventually, there will be a time where you stand in the same place as I am right now."

"No, there won't be. I will never let it happen." The blueprint of the two swords Shirou reached out to started to form in her mind.

EMIYA scoffed. "Yes, it won't happen. Because I'll strike you down before you get the chance."

The two empty-handed fighters rushed forwards, meeting in the centre.

She threw a sloppy jab towards the older fighter, attempting to emulate the style of Caster's master.

EMIYA resisted the urge to snort at the move, sidestepping the telegraphed strike without effort and retaliating with his own left, striking Shirou across the cheek.

"Kugh!"

The girl stumbled from the blow, losing her balance. A flash of pain threatens to make her scream…

But it's not from the punch.

A sudden migraine burns into her skull.

'…What… is… this…?'

It felt as if something foreign was trying to worm its way into the deepest part of her thoughts and memories.

Black splotches dotted her vision, and for a second, she struggled to keep her eyes open.

'Next, he'll try to…!'

But for some reason, without looking, without even thinking, she had known what EMIYA would try to do next.

She brought up her arms to defend the part of her body that she inexplicably knew EMIYA would try to strike, but it was a useless endeavour.

EMIYA was taller, faster, stronger. Even if she knew exactly what he wanted to do, she would never make it in time.

EMIYA's fist shot forward, bulldozing through Shirou's rushed attempt at a guard, driving itself firmly into Shirou's solar plexus.

Shirou grit her teeth, stumbling backwards, holding in the pain.

…

What the hell was she thinking, engaging the more experienced man in a bare-handed brawl?

Emiya Shirou wasn't a martial artist. She wasn't even a swordsman.

Emiya Shirou was a being who created swords.

"It took you long enough to understand. To fight against me in a brawl like that is pointless."

Yes… and if the man in front of her was truly 'Emiya Shirou', then the same went for him.

The shells of the twin swords start to form in his hands, brought into existence by a strange blue light.

…They were the same swords she had admired in her dreams and had made herself in the Ryuudou Temple.

"…Trace… on…"

Shirou's prana fired up wildly, briefly sparking into the air around them as her own swords formed.

Twin Chinese dao found themselves in her hands, one black, one white, both adorned with a teardrop-shaped yin-yang symbol connected the blade and the hilt.

…It was a sloppy attempt at Projection. Compared to EMIYA's, it was clear just how unprecise and imperfect her own creation was without even using Structural Grasp.

The wild flaring of Shirou's prana into the air was proof enough that she was wasting her energy.

She held no illusions in her mind; the swords she made would surely shatter in the first clash against EMIYA's.

…

But, still…

She wouldn't let him trample over her ideals.

"HAAA!"

She roared, lunging forward.

EMIYA remained where he was, standing still as the girl moved to swing her swords.

The four swords closed in on each other, as if drawn together by magnetic force.

The same swords, the same strike.

EMIYA had no intent of simply ending the fight in the first blow with his thousandfold-better technique. He was going to reduce himself to her level and prove even then, she was still nothing.

CRACK

It wasn't even a contest.

Despite the fact they moved in the exact same manner, and that they swung the same swords, Shirou could never hope to stand up to the 'ideal' version of Emiya Shirou.

Kanshou broke instantly under the pressure, causing her to slip.

EMIYA barely even acknowledged the fact, moving instantly to slash at Shirou, spiting her with an attack with his own unbroken Kanshou.

"Guhh!"

Shirou barely twisted her body enough out of the way to avoid a lethal strike.

Blood flew across the room, marring the stone and marble floor, splattering on EMIYA's Kanshou.

Da–mn...!

She bit down on her tongue, fighting through the pain in her body and the burning pain in her mind, stepping forward despite her injury, swinging Bakuya towards her foe.

Sparks fly across her vision, and Shirou loses her vision for a split second.

–One step after another.
A man walks towards the apex of the hill of swords.

When her vision came back to her, her migraine cleared for just a second, enough for her to grasp the situation.

Bakuya was destroyed just as easily as its twin.

EMIYA stepped forward, swinging wildly at Shirou with no concern for anything.

"Your Kanshou and Bakuya and mine are not the same. Even if they are the same sword, you and I are not equals in Projection. There is more to Projection than just its appearance and composition."

Shirou stumbled around, desperately swerving around the senseless attacks.

"You cannot even call yourself a 'faker' with that skill. You are a fake of a faker."

And finally, EMIYA made his move.

He stopped his pointless attacks, staring down Shirou as she caught her breath.

'…Why did he… stop?'

Shirou looked up into EMIYA's eyes.

A shiver ran down her spine.

He was going to end the fight in a single attack.

One sword aimed towards her temple.

The other aimed towards her side, to finish what it couldn't before.

In an instant, two more swords projected into reality, and they were hastily brought by Shirou to her sides to defend the places she had foreseen the man attacking.

CLANG

The horrid screech of four metal blades meeting one another rung in Shirou's ears.

It hurt.

Her head felt like it was splitting apart.

The black splotches overtook everything in her vision, and she was forced to close her eyes once more.

…It was that same feeling.

It was the same strain she felt whenever she met his eyes, the same fever she felt every time she spoke to him.

–A warlord. A Dead Apostle. A rogue Magus.
It didn't matter.
One by one. They fell.

The man took another step forward, closer to the hill of swords.

Shirou screamed to let out her fury and frustration and to deal with the pain.

She couldn't see, but still, her body moved.

Shirou lashed out blindly, meeting EMIYA's strikes perfectly every time even without her sight.

SWISH

The blades met once more.

CRACK

They shattered for a second time.

–Someone else.
…He couldn't see their face.
Were they innocent? Were they important? Were they a sinner?

…It didn't matter.

They blended in with the rest.

She reformed them again, faster than before, and parried EMIYA's attacks once more.

CLANG

They cracked, but didn't shatter.

Shirou pushed forward. In the darkness of her eyelids, she could somehow see the form of her enemy. She knew where he stood, where he would move and how he would attack.

She moved forward, stepping in to slash him across the chest with both blades.

EMIYA moved faster than before, taking the fight slightly more seriously, instantly breaking Shirou's attempts at establishing a stable offense.

CRACK

Kanshou and Bakuya shattered a third time.

–They blended in with everyone else he had sacrificed.
They blended in with everyone else he had saved.

…What was even the point? Was there any difference between those two?

She reformed them again.

Shirou didn't let the loss of her swords stop her.

A right-handed stab with Bakuya. An upwards swing with Kanshou to pre-emptively parry against EMIYA's own incoming parry towards Bakuya.

EMIYA's stance suddenly shifted.

An upwards knee struck Shirou's wrist, dissipating Bakuya.

Kanshou cracked against EMIYA's swing, but it could still retain its structure for one more attack.

She reformed Bakuya, using it to parry against EMIYA's own, which had taken advantage of the brief gap.

CRACK

Kanshou and Bakuya shattered a fourth time.

–Good and evil.
Right and wrong.

He wished desperately from the bottom of his heart to be able to grasp those concepts once more.

Everytime they clashed, something burned inside of Shirou's eyes and memories.

They were not the same person, but at the same time, they were both 'Emiya Shirou'.

They accepted each other's identities, yet at the same time, they utterly despised the other's existence.

Was it because of such an unnatural phenomenon that this headache was happening?

Shirou understood.

The contradiction intensified every time their swords met.

Every time it happened, Shirou would learn something about him.

His sword techniques. His fighting style. Even his ability to use Projection.

They were the same person after all. Even if he was male, and taller, they were still Emiya Shirou's techniques, as such, they were hers too.

Her eyes bulged open, no longer capable of holding in the searing pain.

"AAAAAAAAGH!"

Her eyelids went numb.

Kanshou and Bakuya reformed for a fifth time.

She couldn't match his Projection directly no matter how much her skill developed, she understood that much now, so it was pointless to try and parry his strikes.

But unlike before, she understood the path of his strikes like they were her own.

EMIYA's Kanshou stabbed forwards, and Shirou boldly stepped in, the black blade scratching Shirou's cheek.

The burning refused to cease, the world refused to let Shirou rest until she has seen everything.

Shirou's swords converged to deliver a blow straight to EMIYA's chest.

CRACK

A brilliant flash of light blinded Shirou as once again, her Projections shattered.

THWACK

"Guh!"

A foot flew across the distance between the two fighters, burying itself in Shirou's stomach.

Shirou is sent rolling away, her breaths laboured.

As she scrambled to get up, she was vaguely aware of EMIYA's approaching steps.

His completely steady, calm voice completely contrasted her own bloody, beaten and shaky body.

"That's five. Your Projection is nearing its limit. Your circuits will burn out soon enough. You have three more Projections in you. I know exactly how much capacity you hold within yourself as well as the cost of each image of Kanshou and Bakuya."

'He's almost close enough to strike.'

Her body almost refused to listen to her.

Both the pain in her bleeding stomach and the pain in her burning mind were tearing her apart.

'Quick. Quick. Quick.'

Shaky hands desperately called forth every remaining unit of prana.

Kanshou and Bakuya appeared one more time.

EMIYA paused briefly.

…

'Is that… disappointment? Scorn?'

She couldn't tell with her blurred vision.

"…You still don't understand… even after I showed you THAT… the inevitable conclusion… Well, it'd be impossible for you anyways with your pitiful current levels of energy. I suppose if anything, I should be glad. That abomination has no right to exist."

…

'What… what is he talking… about?'

Was it that place? The one with endless swords? The place with the infinitely turning cogs?

"It seems your already on your last legs."

Shirou froze.

Her head slowly lifted upwards, her eyes now wide open.

…He was right there.

Standing right in front of her.

"Farewell. You had no chance to begin with. I will not miss you when you're gone, fool."

He swung his swords down.

---

A hellish landscape.

There was no fire, but it still burned hotter than everything. Every step she took was matched with the sound of a slushing red liquid.

Dead bodies, skulls, skeletons. They twitched, desperately trying to rise, but to no avail. They were held in place by a myriad swords.

…

–I hate it…
It's… scary…

The emotions flowing through her overpowered her pain.

It was numbing.

–Is this…
His memory?

…

A man stood alone at the peak. Staring off into nothing.

…

–This is scarier than the pain…
I'm more scared here than I am of dying.

This was the inevitability of the path that 'Emiya Shirou' had followed.

Life after life after life.

Taken and taken and taken.

Life, which was beautiful, became ugly.

Death, which was ugly, became the only way of peace.

They became meaningless to him in his long, long, long life.

Right and wrong, good and evil…

They all melted away.

All those subjective terms which had depended on one's perspective and position faded away.

…And all that was left was the falsehood of his ideal.

Humans did this to each other. They were filled with vanity and trickery.

…Was it worth it to 'save' such 'creatures'? Was it even possible to make them 'happy'?

He didn't care. There was still something he had to do.

–I am the bone of my sword.

Whether it was 'worth' it or not… he had an oath to protect. There was still that ideal to chase.

So even if the world lied to him, even if he had continued to lose everything, he would not care.

When he was betrayed by those around him and by his own ideals, he prayed that next time, at the very least, he would never betray himself.

The grief and pain never faded. He simply learned to live with the emotions boiling in his blood.

–Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.

The blood washed away. And so did the bodies. The unbearable heat and fear which had etched itself into her skin suddenly disappeared.

…

And it was replaced.

A harrowing sense of loneliness and despair.

An endless sandy plain of swords.

Giant rusted cogs, suspended by nothing, blotted out the sun, mechanically rotated eternally, without meaning or purpose.

A never-ending expanse of nothing and falsehoods. The representation of the soul of a machine.

…

Could he be called a human?

He did not think.

He did not feel.

There was just the ideal and he acted on it.

He was a machine to others. A series of cogs that could hold a sword.

He had convenient abilities to people, so he was conveniently used by people.

He was not an equal in their eyes. Just a tool. A machine. They didn't care for him or his ideals.

But that was fine for him.

That machine had an ideal it wished it to protect and acting as a tool for others helped protect that ideal, so he accepted his role.

–I have created over a thousand blades.
Unknown to Death.
Nor known to life.

One by one, the man picked up the swords as he walked forwards, ascending the hill of blades.

…And drove them into his own back.

His blood dripped into the sand below, disappearing beneath the blowing winds.

…

There is nothing left for someone like him. As he walks down the path, he is fated to be alone. He will lose his friends, lose his family, lose himself…

He alienates himself more and more from the 'humanity' he so dearly loves and wishes to save in his desperate attempts to live up to that ideal.

And he is left all alone, with nothing but his ideal.

And he continues to kill. And he continues in his failures to save someone.

And the more he does it, the less he can face himself about his ideal, let alone others.

–Have withstood pain to create many weapons.

And the result…

Emiya Shirou died a fool, never taking a single significant step towards his ideal.

…

The man stopped walking eventually.

His feet were buried in the sand.

He was impaled by swords.

The swords drew all the blood out of him.

There was no more blood to feed his body the energy to move.

…

His body shook, trembling.

His mind was now vacant – if it was ever there in the first place – and his heart was now hollow – if it was ever there in the first place – but still…

But still… his body refused to fall. He still wished to continue walking.

This is his end.
This is your end.

–I won't give in.
I won't feel compassion.
I won't feel compassion.
I won't feel compassion.
I won't feel compassion.

But…

I almost give in, almost accepting this to be my end, too.

…

The man falls to his knees. Nothing is left. Not even his heartless, mindless, bloodless body can continue.

–Yet, these hands will never hold anything.

–The ideal you believed in.
…The ideal I still believe in…

It's a fantasy that has no truths…

But still–

Ṳ̜͚̪͉ͣ̂͛͊͞?͓̻͎͇̻̒ͣͬ̀͂̓ͧ?̶̵̞̪̯͚̮̌ͪ͗ͮ̚ͅÍ̯̯ͦ?̷͖͇̰̞͖̣͓ͣ̂͗?̶̤̯͕͙͇̹̤̅ͪ?̭̟͓̦̼ͯ̾̒ͪ̋ͭ̓ͬ̚͝ͅ?̴̵̩͕͙̦͎̯͎̏̎̏̔̓ͧͦ̚͞D̦̘̤̩̐̇̾ͬͬ̔̕͟ ̝̘͒ͤ̌́ͥ̅͜B̞ͧͦ̒ͭ̈́̿L̗̲̤̰̹ͥ̈́͒͊͋̑͒͂?͍̜͔̖͕̩̖̼̐̀ͩ̚?̶̷̨̦̗̙̠͓̑̊ͮ̿͋͐͂E͊ͬ͘͏̦͇̦̻̼̟͈͔̥ ͕̻̯̫̲ͫͩ̅͒ͣ̐̒̕͠W̧͓̪̭͚̟̺̱̾̈́̒ͨͫ̐?̩̭͇̈ͦ̎̓͗ͫ͌̿?̧̖̹̰̬̮̳̣̖ͣ̓ͬͮ͊̄̔?̵̝̣͆̑ͦ̍̃̒̽̀S̢̗̙̱̬̹̯̖̙̓̉ͯ͛ͮ̐ͤ͢ͅ

---

Kanshou and Bakuya break for a sixth time.

"!" Surprise displayed itself on EMIYA's face.

This time, his hands are empty too, enveloped by blue motes of light that were once his own Kanshou and Bakuya.

The moment quickly faded, and EMIYA raised his empty hand once more.

A sword with a blade that twisted and coiled in on itself. It was a thing that could barely even be acknowledged as a weapon, and more of a warped hunk of metal made solely to inflict cruelty.

"Guh!" Shirou could feel it; a phantom pain in her heart, where she could instinctively feel the blow EMIYA would make on it before it even started.

She channelled prana hurriedly into her legs in a sloppy attempt at Reinforcement, pushing away from EMIYA.

SQUISH

Shirou bit down on her tongue as hard as humanly possible to hold in her screams of pain, drawing blood.

The twisted blade never managed to pierce her heart, but that didn't mean the injury it did inflict wasn't painful.

Shirou clutched the left side of her stomach, bleeding profusely.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to swear and cuss at the top of her lungs, loud enough that Rin could hear it, where ever she was in Einzbern Castle.

–But I can't.
I can't let him win.
I won't admit it's painful.

Not to him.
Not to HIM.

She scurried away in a frantic attempt to create any sort of meaningful distance.

–I won't let him get to me.
I won't let THA-

A sudden sense of nausea hit her.

Her left hand reflexively left the hole in her stomach to cover her mouth, leaving the hole to pour blood onto the floor.

She couldn't stop sweating. She couldn't stop blinking.

Her body shook, her eyes jittered everywhere. Her vision lost focus; everything became blurry again.

EMIYA was standing there with… some look on his face.

She couldn't tell what he was thinking, not with her body and mind like this.

"…I miscalculated… Of course… If both of us are Emiya Shirou, yet both of us reject the other's existence, then a contradiction occurs… it seems the longer this fight goes on, the more of my skills you will inherit."

Shirou rapidly shook her head – ignoring EMIYA's words – attempting to gain her bearings.

Her shoulders heaved repeatedly as her hands trembled, blue streams of energy coalescing in her palms as the twin blades formed once more, slower this time – but more precise and complete as well.

"…But that isn't all you gained from me, is it?"

Shirou's heart missed a beat.

Kanshou and Bakuya disappeared, gone before they fully manifested.

"…"

"…Looking at that disgusting face of yours… You saw it… didn't you? That place."

She stopped breathing.

–No. Stop.
Don't say it.
Don't make me remember.
If you say it, then I…

I'll…

?̷̜͍̟̹̬̎̌͗̚͞ͅ ̡̡̭̻͇̜͚̠̩ͪ̓?̘͎̥̻̣ͤ̐͝ͅ?̂̿̾ͥ̔͝͏̣͖̹̰ ̘̫͙͔̯̇ͧ̐́̀?͇̙͚̜͈̽̓̆͘ͅ?̟̞͕̎͂ͥͫ̈?̶̥͍̬̘͈̹̥̼ͣ̀̋ͭͯ̓̕͜

"…What you saw is true. That place… that 'Reality Marble'… it is not just a weapon. Not a part of my legend… That place is the ideal itself."

–A soulless plain of meaningless swords.
Nothing was there.
It was more like the mind of a machine than a human.

…No… even a machine had more meaningful purpose than him.

That place… When Emiya Shirou – the hollow, distorted soul – and the 'ideal' – the fake, impossible wish – collided…

It was the only result.

Space twisted as the sword shot forward, refracting into red and blue light.

She needed a weapon to defend herself.

Quick. Quick. Quick.

Think. What could it be? What weapon out there could stop it?

–My core is twisted in madness.

A replica of the sword – 'Caladbolg', Shirou realises – forms in her left hand.

CRACK

It was barely enough to stop the sword.

Shirou brought her right hand to cover the new hole in her left palm; all that remained of what should have been a life-ending blow.

…She's still a long way off.

Her version of that sword did not even last a single blow.

Just how large was the gap between them?

The sound of EMIYA's shoes clacking on the hall's floor brought her attention back to her enemy.

His arm reached out, calling forth yet another sword she didn't recognise.

A simple longsword with a black blade, adorned with a golden cross-guard with a white gem.

–Durandal.
The sword of a king. Passed to his paladin.
Unbreakable. Unwavering.
What three miracles could it call forth?

She knew what it was before she even had to use Structural Grasp.

He swung, interrupting Shirou's stupor.

She didn't have any time.

–Damn it. DAMN IT.

Her circuits blazed, pushing into overdrive.

–Judging the conc…
Hypo…
Duplicating the com..
Im… skill…
Excelling every manufacturing process.

She skipped over the steps of Projection. She didn't have the time. It was either form the weapon incompletely right then and there or die for being distracted.

A sound akin to shattered glass rung out as Shirou's feeble Projection was destroyed.

Shirou lost the strength to stand up.

Pushed away by the strength of EMIYA's attack, she found herself several meters away from the man.

Her back collided with the wall, painting it red.

…It was impossible to tell the original colour of the wall with how much blood Shirou had spilled on it.

Shirou clambers away from the wall, pushing away from it with her hands and feet an-

She fell over.

Her legs tremble again.

She planted her left arm on the ground and propped her right leg up, standi-

Her leg wobbled. She fell over.

Shirou called out to her circuits. Blue light blazes beneath her skin once more, feeding her energy and-

The searing migraine returns. The energy fizzles out.

…There was nothing left in her body.

"…This is it, Emiya Shirou."

She was barely even aware of the sounds. The world drifted away. The words never registered.

"…I suppose its only fitting that this is how Emiya Shirou dies. Imprisoned by the way of a foolish ideal. You know you won't win, you are only a mindless imitation of your enemy… yet you still attempt to fight anyways… You will die the same way you lived. As a foolish machine."

–What sword was he using this time?
…Was there even a sword in his hand right now?

Shirou couldn't see. She was going delirious from the loss of blood. Her wounds were so deep that if she could somehow muster the energy to, she could probably reach inside of them and pick out her own bones.

"What value is there in such a life? …None, I'm sure. It is wrong for such an ideal to exist. And it is even more wrong for you of all people to strive for it. It is wrong to save simply for the sake of saving, especially when it is done by a hollow soul like yours. You are a fake whose existence was a mistake. You are a human being who was never whole."

Her body had nothing left in it.

Her mind knew intellectually it could not win this fight.

…

But for some reason, her heart bluffed. It told itself it could still fight. It told the body and the mind that it wasn't yet time to give in.

–I have to defeat him.
I have to.
I have to I have to I have to I have to

She struggled to get up.

Even just watching her attempt to stand brought pity to EMIYA.

"It's useless to keep fighting. I am the perfect you. The you which accomplished your goal of being a hero. You cannot match me."

–No… It wasn't true.
That place… That person…

I still… have to… fight…

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Shirou let out one final desperate roar, mustering all her will through the pain. All her nerves burned as blood continued to pour out of her. Her body could barely handle even the stress of standing.

But she bore through it.

–Judging the concept of creation.

There were two swords that she had dreamed of.

–Hypothesizing the basic structure.
Duplicating the composition material.

Swords of a husband and wife. A tragedy that would never end. So long as they existed, the blades would call out to each other, always seeking their partner.

…Why did she always go back to them?

Why did those swords always call back to her?

–Imitating the skill of its making
Sympathizing with the experience of its growth
Reproducing the accumulated years
Excelling every manufacturing process.

"GRAAAGH!"

She stepped forward with no purpose or stance, swinging like a wild animal.

CLANG

Four swords met in the centre.

Archer, standing upright, looked to Shirou with pity in his eyes, locking blades with his own Kanshou and Bakuya.

–Stop looking at me like that.
I won't accept it. Not from you.

His eyes closed for just a second.

"…It's natural, I suppose. More than anyone, you must not accept me. You cannot accept the truth of your ideal. Your denial is the only that keeps whatever remains of your mind intact."

She could barely move her arms. She could barely stand. She could barely even breathe.

But right there, in front of her, EMIYA stood completely unfazed.

His words were calm.

It pissed her off to no end.

Her hands tightened around Kanshou and Bakuya.

"SHUT UP!"

She roared with everything she had, pushing through with her own blades.

"!" For a split-second, Archer wavered, and that was all she needed.

"HAAA!"

Somehow, she overpowered EMIYA, pushing his swords to the side.

Shirou stumbled around, her balance thrown off by the sudden lack of resistance.

"HRAAGH!" She screamed once more.

Wild swing after wild swing.

Matched again and again.

EMIYA did not parry them defensively, but rather pushed her back with his own strikes.

The difference between them was clear.

No matter what she did, she could never match EMIYA.

Strength. Technique. Projection. Ideals.

It didn't matter. EMIYA had an answer no matter what it was.

"…Tell me, fool. Does 'Emiya Shirou' truly wish to be a hero?"

–What?
…What are you talking about…

"I…" Shirou whispered hoarsely.

Her eyes glared at EMIYA with a burning rage.

She lunged forward one more time.

"I'M GOING TO BE A HERO!"

…

EMIYA sighed.

He sidestepped Shirou's pathetic stab, before proceeding to move behind her to lock her swords and arms with his own.

"AAAAAGH!"

Shirou screamed in pain.

She struggled with all her might, trying to break free of EMIYA's hold with whatever pathetic strength remained.

"LET… GO!"

"…" EMIYA closed his eyes.

The two stood in the centre of the ruined hall, back to back. His arms and swords wrapped around Shirou's locking the two in place. No matter how hard she tried, she could never break free from the grip of the older man.

"…Yes. You need to be a hero."

Shirou froze.

Something about his words… scared her.

Her mind went blank. Her body stopped struggling.

"Is that wish even true? Is it your own? Is that wish truly something that Emiya Shirou can call their own? It's the only thing you know. You can neither betray it, deny it, nor fully accept it… Such a wish wasn't even born from yourself."

–Such a wish wasn't born from yourself.

"…Wha-"

The words grabbed Shirou by the heart.

–No…

She tried to shake her head, but her neck had no energy to do so.

Neither her body nor her mind had it in themselves to fully deny his words.

Shirou slightly trembled uselessly in EMIYA's hold.

"…It seems you have some vague idea for yourself… Perhaps you already know, but tried your best to never face the fact… I cannot remember how I felt about it myself."

"Sto…p… i-…"

She didn't want to know.

But at the same time…

She knew that she had to know.

It was at the core of Emiya Shirou. The answer to EMIYA's words held the truth to the central contradiction of Emiya Shirou's heart.

It was the answer to what was wrong with her. It was the answer to why she could never be human.

"…There are things that I've forgotten… Things that I've lost… I cannot remember how I felt about anything anymore… but I still remember the scene itself…"

–A fire that overtook everything.
Buildings crumbling down.
The roar of the flame and the screams of the dying melded into one.
Were they walking of a burned road or a pile of burned corpses?

"I remember walking through that fire, alone. I felt nothing. Not even the pain remained. Not even thoughts were left. I don't remember even being capable of pleaing for help… But even still… he came."

–That man.

"I'm sure you remember. The look on that man's face."

–Hollow black eyes that had lost everything.
A thin, almost skeletal face, barely even considered alive.

…But still, it was beautiful.

Each precious tear that fell down his face, glimmering as if they were each a star in itself.
A smile whose light and radiance washed away the painful burning light of the fire.

A serene grace overtook the emptiness of Shirou's soul.

…One day… could she smile like that?

"It was not guilt. It was not responsibility or duty… It was just hollow admiration. You understood nothing of what he did or why he did it. You just admired him. You wanted to be like him and save somebody because you wanted to smile like he did."

–That day…
She was not the one saved.

She could see it in EMIYA's memories…

That fire was Kiritsugu's fault.
He couldn't have been able to bear such a burden.

He caused that tragedy.
It was him who left no survivors.
So he must have searched desperately.
And he found it. An impossibility.
A survivor that should not have existed.

If one was to talk about miracles…
It would not be the fact that Shirou lived but…

–

She already knew that, to some extent.

She never really cared for his own circumstances.

It was enough for her that he had taken her out of that hell.

Kiritsugu had saved her, a child who had nothing.

So… it was only natural.

"If that was where it ended… it would have been fine. If it was just a child wanting to do what their parent did… well, that would be normal… But he cursed you, out of his own selfishness… I don't even need to tell you what happened, do I?"

–The moon hung alone in the night sky.
The hollow man smiled at the child.

…

The child looked away from the moon and the porch, smiling at the man.

"I'll make your dream-…"

…

"…I'm relieved…"

…

The man, who was even emptier than the child, died.

That was when the impossibility of Emiya Shirou had formed. When 'I' formed.

My will didn't matter. My wishes… my hopes…
For his sake, I would try.
The wish for everyone to be happy…
It was not even 'my' wish… It was Emiya Kiritsugu's.

"Your ideal is not even your own. Your sense of everything is not even your own. Your aspirations, your morals, your decisions. You are not acting as Emiya Shirou, an individual. Your just a pathetic shell chasing in the footsteps of a dead man."

"That…"

Shirou grit her teeth, struggling once more against EMIYA's hold.

–Even so, I can't give in.

Even so, I can't accept him.

"…You wish to be a hero? How laughable. You wish to help people, to save people? That is not even your wish. Do you truly think SUCH A HOLLOW SOUL COULD EVER HELP ANYONE!?"

With fury entering his voice, EMIYA spun Bakuya around, holding it in a backhanded grip and stabbing it into Shirou's thigh, breaking the two's hold.

EMIYA swung downwards without even giving Shirou a chance to stand back up.

CLANG

Shirou buckled underneath the force of each blow.

He swung again and again, losing more and more of his stance each time he did so.

And with every strike, the blows grew heavier and heavier, filled more and more with the force of his attempt.

He was no longer fighting her with technique and skill, he was just desperate to let out his bitterness and hatred.

Shirou shakily raised her swords to defend herself once more.

CRASH

The blow came smashing down, like a meteor falling from the sky.

It felt like a building was coming down right over her head.

She almost wanted to accept her death, just like that time ten years ago.

CRASH

All the fingers in Shirou's left hand break. The force of the blow sends tremors through the bones in her arm.

Her mind was about to give in. It wanted to resign.

Her body had nothing left.

…But still, some distant part of her denied her defeat with all it's might.

–Don't die.
Don't give in.

It isn't…

It isn't…

?̹͔͔͙̦̥̦̽ͥ͘͞?͖̦͈̩͚͕ͦ́̏̿͗̂?͖̺̟͓̤͕̯͑̿̃͌ͪ̓?͐́̑̌̏͌͋̒͏͏͓͔͕̪̥̺̜ͅ?̲̳̦̤̤̱̗ͥ̅͜͝

CLANG

Sparks dance across Shirou's vision once more as the blades meet.

The ringing of clashing metal was no longer the only sound that Shirou heard.

–The man curses himself every time he strikes.

He once was innocent too. He once believed in that ideal as much as she did.

CLANG

Shirou's vision faded again.

In front of her was no longer her enemy, but a memory of the future.

–The man was no longer standing on the hill of the swords.
He wanted to curl up.
He cursed himself, then he prayed.
He cursed himself, then he prayed.

He wanted to live, too.

The blow comes hammering down once more.

Once again, Shirou doesn't need to see to intercept it.

Because it was her own strike that she was blocking.

CLANG

"THAT'S RIGHT!" He shouted. "I ADMIRED HIS DESIRE TO SAVE PEOPLE BECAUSE IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!"

CRACK

Shirou's Bakuya faded. All she had left was Kanshou. She wasn't even sure if she had it in herself to create another Bakuya.

And again, the man swung wildly.

"BUT THAT WAS NEVER MY OWN THOUGHT! IT WAS JUST BORROWED FROM ANOTHER MAN! WHAT ELSE CAN YOU CALL THAT OTHER THAN FOOLISH? WHAT ELSE CAN YOU CALL THAT OTHER THAN POINTLESS?"

Kanshou cracked. It would only last for a few more strikes.

And Shirou felt something else crack. Her resolve. Every attack that EMIYA made hit her not in her body, but directly at her heart.

"I WAS DRIVEN BY A HOLLOW OBSSESSION TO SAVE SOMEONE!"

CLANG

Shirou's right wrist gave up, bleeding.

…But her arm still tried to move.

"I KEPT RUNNING, IGNORING THE PAIN, IGNORING HOW UTTERLY WRONG I WAS!"

CLANG

–He curses.
Both to his present self and his past self and the self that never was.

…I want to give up every time he speaks.

My body wants to stop moving.

…

But that same body… it won't let him win.

"IT WAS ALL POINTLESS… SUCH HOLLOW ASPIRATIONS COULD NEVER SAVE ANYTHING!"

CLANG

"No… in the first place, I didn't even know what I wanted to save!"

CRACK

Kanshou finally relented, not shattering, but faltering nonetheless.

"HAA!"

EMIYA howled like a wild animal, sending Shirou flying away with one more strike.

…But still, her body refuses to let her lose.

Kanshou – which can barely sustain its own existence in its broken state – digs into the ground, stabilising Shirou's fall.

Her body trembled, leaning on the fading sword as a point of balance to prop itself up.

She brought her right arm over to clutch onto Kanshou, folding her left knee and propping her right leg up.

…To EMIYA, it must have looked like she was kneeling to him.

"…It was nothing more than a fantasy."

EMIYA chose not to approach her, stabbing her with his words rather than his swords.

"The idea that everyone can be happy… It's just a fantasy. And the idea that everyone is more important than yourself… that you would give everything to save just one person, despite being as hollow as you are… If the only thing you can do is hold on to that ideal, then drown in your ideals and die."

He spat as he said the last word, a glob of saliva falling to the side.

–Is… he… right?
…There is no value in me living…

No… there is no value in me at all.

Kanshou faded, causing Shirou to topple over.

…Meanwhile, EMIYA wasn't even scratched.

The match was decided before the battle even began.

There was no way for Emiya Shirou, the inexperienced, naïve young girl to match the heroic sprit EMI-

–No.

Something in me still refuses to give.

Something in me refuses to accept that as the truth.

It wasn't my body.
It wasn't my powers.
It wasn't my skills.

Something in me refuses to submit in defeat against his words.

"Shut… up…"

–Every time he says those words… every time he curses those ideals…
Why does something keep telling me to fight every time he tells me that I'm wrong?

"SHUT UP!"

Shirou's circuits flickered.

A sharp pain pierced through every single one of her nerves.

…There wasn't enough.

–I… don't care…

I don't care if I don't have enough.

If every part of me that's usable is broken, then I'll just use the broken parts.
If every part of me that's broken disappears, then I'll reach out to the parts of me that don't exist.
If my body fails, if my heart fails, if my mind fails… then I'll fight him with the 'me' that is 'hollow'!

A single circuit blazed to life. A serene stream of blue light trailed inside of Shirou's veins.

One last headache forced Shirou to shut her eyes again.

…

–I see him, one last time.
That man standing alone on the hill of swords.

…I don't understand him.

I never will.

I won't ever regret it. Even if its fake. Even if its hollow. Even if it gets me nowhere.

…I won't turn my back on that dream.

…

But… I guess… maybe I should thank you…

…Your pain… you suffered a lot, didn't you?

…Maybe, I can take it on, too… Maybe I can use it as a lesson.

There were those words.

The words formed a phrase, and the phrases formed a sentence.

The sentences formed a line, and the lines formed a poem.

That man used the poem to embody himself.

It was everything that he was, everything that he wasn't.

"I… am…"

–In your place… I'll take that pain.
Your words hurt me.
Your words hurt yourself.

Just as your sorrow and regret became your only weapon.

I'll take this pain and hatred for both of us…
And I'll use it to deny you with everything I have.

"–I am the bone of my sword."

Shirou roared once more, with a voice she no longer had, lunging towards the man on broken legs with strength that no longer existed.

–Please…

One more time…

Answer my call…

Kanshou… Bakuya…

With her circuits that no longer burned, with the image and blueprint that no longer remained, a black Chinese sword formed into existence.

EMIYA faltered, if only for a fraction of a moment.

"…You…" he whispered.

–A rusted gold.
Far too dim to match the brightness of the sun.
Far too hollow to match the beauty of a bar of gold.

The eyes of a hollow machine, whose life was burned away by a fire.

…

Why did they burn with so much resolve when chasing that worthless ideal?

A memory flashed before him.

A young boy, caught in a war he didn't understand.
The solemn king who swore to protect him.
The girl who stayed by his side.

"Even if I didn't want to face it… I already knew it…" Shirou said, dragging her legs over to EMIYA's position.

–It was a 'dream'.
Inherently, it wasn't 'real'.
But that didn't matter to me.
It didn't matter to Kiritsugu.

He knew it was unattainable.

But yet, he still…

He still kept running.
He thought that maybe, if he ran for long enough, the destination that didn't exist would be passed.

And as Shirou reached out to something that didn't exist…

–The knight stood in the shed, answering the call to her master.
"My blade is yours."
They were bound beyond space and time, through the protection granted to her through that sheath.

Even if that contract no longer existed, the connection was still there.

Her protection was still there.

The nothing called back to her.

A fantastical golden light thrummed deep in Shirou's chest.

BA-THUMP

She could hear it. Her heartbeat.

Every time it beat, she could feel… something… flooding her body.

She didn't know what it was. She didn't care.

But it was there, and it gave her strength, so she would use it.

Her wobble transformed into a walk. Her walk transformed into a lunge.

"I don't care if I lose to a servant. I don't care if I lose this war… but I won't lose against you. I won't lose against myself…

"I WILL NEVER STOP BEING EMIYA SHIROU!"

Sparks flew once more as Kanshou clashed against EMIYA's blades.

–The world froze in that moment.

EMIYA's vision faltered.

For a brief moment, all he saw was white.

…

Their connection was not a one-way street.
Just as Shirou would siphon off of EMIYA's memories…
…EMIYA would siphon off of Shirou's.

"HAAAAAAAA!"

Shirou swung again.

–It was a technique that didn't make sense.
Her body was already dead.
Her fingers were broken.
Her arms were slashed.
She wasn't even breathing half of the time.

There was no speed behind the blow.
It had no semblance of strength.

The combat skills that she had absorbed from him were rendered meaningless in her current state.

It was unskilled. Barbaric. Frantic.

…

But still…

"Gugh!"

It is not Shirou who faltered this time.

It was EMIYA.

"Wh–at?"

–Why does that attack, filled with nothing, push him back?

Durandal, the impenetrable, unbreakable sword was beaten back.

His bitterness morphed into surprise.

–Where did she find the strength?
She's weaker than she was at the start of the fight.
She's even less skilled than before.

…

What… is… this?

He scowled, "You!"

His grip on Durandal tightened.

–You… How dare…
How dare you stand up to me with that look in your eyes!

How dare you proclaim that dream out loud!

Durandal fell downwards, intent on cutting straight through the girl's neck.

One. Two. Three. Four.

One by one, his strikes are matched by the girl's lone sword.

…No, they're not matched.

"Hagh!" Shirou stepped into arm's length of EMIYA.

…His strikes were excelled.

They weren't just pushed back, they were converted into an advantage by the girl.

Shirou grit her teeth.

There wasn't enough strength in her right arm to swing.

–Then…
I'll just…

Her left arm rose, broken fingers tightening around her right wrist.

–Iron is my blood and glass is my heart.

Her left arm heaved her right hand upwards.

And just like Shirou, EMIYA understood where the attack was headed before it even started.

Durandal rose to defend his neck.

CLANG

EMIYA's teeth clenched.

If he blocked, he would die.

Defending against those reckless strikes was a death sentence.

He could not match them.

If he wished to win, he had to strike back.

"HAAA!"

"HAAA!"

The peerless blade flashed forward, wishing to cut down the senseless girl.

And the girl frantically swung back.

CLANG

EMIYA, once more, is blinded by the flash of sparks.

–How long ago… was it?
He had lost many things.
He had lost friends. Lost family.

He was someone who would never 'gain' anything.

…So then… why, in the first place did he-…

Shirou fell back. The force of EMIYA's retaliation completely threw off her balance.

She stumbled back for almost over a second, nearly falling down several times…

But she continued.

The girl struck again.

Seeing the girls attack, EMIYA internally breathed a sigh of relief.

The girl had no strength.

She was literally half dead.

–His mindless body continued to move.
He continued to fight.

…What kind of idiot was he?

…Why was he so scared of that half-dead girl?

Why did she carry seemingly limitless power?

Shirou wasn't conscious.

She wasn't aware if she was even alive.

She had no idea where the enemy was, or what the enemy looked like.

She wasn't aware that she had nearly fallen over, she wasn't aware if her attacks had done anything.

Her body froze, lacking the blood and oxygen to act.

"It…"

It was nothing more than a faint whisper, yet the singular word overtook all of EMIYA's thoughts.

"isn't…"

–Three words.
Those three words are all that fill my head.
…That's right.

I am a fake. My ideal is a fake. I will never be a hero. Not in the way I wish to be.

As long as I continue to dream of such a thing, this man will be the future that awaits me.

…

But still…

"It isn't…!"

Shirou's frozen arm moved.

–I know its impossible.
I don't even care for myself. I can never save anyone.
But does that make it-…

…

In the end, it's still…

"IT ISN'T…!"

CLANG

Somehow, the blow filled with the strength of nothing threatened to tear Durandal out of EMIYA's grasp.

–Once, he had a thought.
Upon seeing that smile.

…

'Wouldn't it be great?'

"IT ISN'T…!"

Those three words were all that drove Shirou.

Neither of the two hear the other's words.

All that mattered was that they would clash swords over and over.

…

The girl's hand was attached to the sword. It had no choice. If it were to let go, she would fall.

Knowing that, the girl held it together with her left arm. But even that was broken. If she were to let go of that, she would fall.

Every time the girl swung, the impact of the blades would transfer directly into her arms.

Even just twitching her arms would kill her.

If he were to retreat, she would fall forward and die on the spot.

EMIYA scowled at the sight.

He blocked the incoming attack with Durandal.

That sloppy stance, that pointless resilience… it was getting on his nerves.

All he had to do was retreat. All he had to do was take one, single, tiny step back and it would all be over. It would be his victory, just as he wished, as simple as that.

But…

"…!"

His scowl intensified.

How could he think of retreating?

It was shameful, admitting she was strong by having to block her attacks…

But it would be even more shameful to have to turn his back on them.

CLANG

Shirou made another straightforward attack without thinking.

If EMIYA were to just avoid an attack instead of parrying it, she would self-destruct.

–He can hear it every time their swords meet.
The words she's repeating to herself.

Over and over and over.

He wants to scream to shut it off. He wants to run away to not have to listen to those three words.

…But he can't. He can do nothing but face them.

…For some reason, he had the instinct that if he were to retreat, he'd lose something much more important.

EMIYA swallowed the thoughts and feelings.

No matter… the enemy was not past her limits, she was even further beyond that. She had passed her limits before they even met at daybreak.

She would surely fall after two more blows at most.

CLANG

One.

CLANG

Four.

CLANG

Nine blows.

No matter what, no matter how many times that EMIYA thought that surely, the next strike would be her last, she never fell.

"…!"

The girl said something.

He did not hear it.

"…!" He shouted something back, but once again, he could not hear it.

Shirou's left eye was closed, and her right eye was long dead.

No matter what, she would refuse to fall.

Not to him.

Not to what he represented.

She would never fall to the idea that her ideal was…

Was…

–I have overcome a thousand battlefields.

Emiya looked into Shirou's eyes.

…A mistake…

For a moment, he falters, and Durandal is blown back.

"…that figure…" He whispered.

–A boy runs forward. Ignoring the pain.
His arms are broken, his legs are broken.
His mind has already given in.

But still his heart refused to stop beating.

He reached forward, holding forward a single black Chinese dao.

Shirou's arms threatened to fly straight off her with every swing.

All she had left is that one sentence.

"…ISN'T!"

–There were things that I had lost.
There were things that I had picked up along the way.
There were things I could not save.

So I swear… not to you, EMIYA, but to myself, Emiya Shirou…

I…

–Never once retreating.
Never once being victorious.

"IT ISN'T!"

The words echoed in EMIYA's ears.

–How long had it been?
There were things that he had lost…
Things that he had dropped…
Things he had forgotten…

"IT ISN'T!"

Shirou roared, unsure of who she was shouting those words for.

–I will never forget this one fact.

'To be a hero'…

Even if it's not my wish…

Even if it's nothing but a hollow aspiration from a distorted child…

"IT ISN'T!"

–I didn't have to accept his dream.
That night, on that porch, I could have just let him pass in peace.

But I didn't…

Because I…

I believe in those words…

So even if the world disagrees with me… even if you, Emiya Shirou, curse me… I-…

–I lie here alone, forging iron upon this hill of swords.

…

Emiya realised.

The attacks will not end.

Even if the girl were to die right there, they would not stop.

…

The girl would not stop. She was not capable of it.

She was attacking with all her might, but it was not to defeat the opponent in front of her.

If he was not even in her view, then how can he claim to win this battle? Victory was impossible.

The thing that girl was trying to defeat was the ideal. The future and self she had proclaimed as false.

She would swing and swing and swing, until she had finally proven herself right.

"GOD DAMN IT!" He roared in annoyance, swinging Durandal again.

WHY DID SHE KEEP CHALLENGING IT? SHE KNEW THE TRUTH, SHE KNEW SHE COULD NOT WIN AGAINST THE WAY OF THE WORLD, SHE KNEW THAT THERE WAS NO MEANING HER IDEAL SO WHY…!?

…So… why…?

–Eventually, rusted gold would fade to a steely silver.
But even if their colour changed, their fire did not.
That same resolve remained.

He would, no matter what-…

…Why did he wish to see how far that girl would go?

The fatal strike that EMIYA was sure would connect was deflected without effort.

The girl, who only minutes ago could not even scratch him now repelled his strongest attacks without even acknowledging it.

–You… girl…

Why are you…

EMIYA reclaimed his balance, prepari-

He froze.

…The girl's eyes…

They…

---

Every time the unbreakable sword clashes against Kanshou, Shirou felt her broken bones fracture further and further.

And she could feel every single bit of it.

The pain was unstoppable. It stopped her from thinking and breathing.

Her body was out of water. She could not sweat. Her throat was dry. She could not even scream.

…Right there, in the moment that EMIYA had hesitated, there was an opportunity.

She could have ended the fight.

But no such thought crossed her mind.

The only thing she was thinking was…

–It isn't…

It isn't…

EMIYA stared openly.

…He could kill her right there.

Her attack is sloppy. Durandal was stronger than Kanshou could ever be. It would be a simple matter to block her attack.

"IT ISN'T WRONG!"

It was her final blow; both with her sword and with her words.

–Even if I am a fake. Even if that dream is a fake.

I know this much to be true.

For everyone to be happy. For someone to save them from their moment of despair.

Everyone has such a thought.

Even if it's impossible.

Even if it's childish…

Does…

Does that mean it isn't correct?

…

I won't back down…

I won't back down because…

–My life needs no meaning.

–This dream…
It's…

Impossible attack after impossible attack.

Clumsy parry after clumsy parry.

They came and went, turning into hazy memories.

…

More than anyone, EMIYA knew.

–A hero cannot exist.
I crumbled under that fact.
…It's impossible to be one.

You will be swallowed mercilessly by your dream.

But… he wasn't the one who was winning the fight.

That girl was. The girl whose body was broken. The girl whose mind was empty.

Her being is hollow, yet her attack carries weight.

She was nothing more than a corpse.

…Still, she tried to strike him.

It couldn't be real. He had to be dreaming. His eyes were fooling him. It was all just another delusion caused by his madness and loneliness.

The girl said she didn't want anyone to die meaninglessly.

She was going to save everyone who was in trouble, simply because they could be save.

…

How ridiculous.

It's a meaningless hypocrisy. She couldn't even save herself, nor could she truly save Kiritsugu.

A dream where others hold more weight than yourself and thus your own dream is not one that should exist.

…

–But…

EMIYA stared into Shirou's eyes.

–An unwavering gaze.
She will never turn back.

Faults and lies.
Mistakes and wrongs.
Shaking off everything.

…Running without stopping–

A boundless plain, infinite in scope. The sky went on and on and on, with no end in sight.

To him, it should have been a place of infinite loneliness. Representing the unbearable weight and the impossible path.

…

But hers… her sky was clear. It was bright blue, free from clouds. The sun hung lazily in the sky, shining over the endless land, smiling relaxedly as it continued its journey.

Its light refracted wonderfully off each sword planted in the softly waving grass, their colours brought to life by the landscape.

The swords were endless…

But they were not empty, unlike his.

Each one was planted with purpose, with meaning, with weight.

…

–So that's it…

The girl frantically screamed at him.

He did not need to hear the words to know where the girl's motivation came from.

–How cruel…

A dream like this…

Its like looking into a bad, old mirror.

…Once, he had believed in something,

There was something he swore never to surrender.

Something he never did surrender.

…

–Once, did I too, not dream that such a thing was beautiful?

–Unlimited Blade Works

---

A young boy and a man sit together on a porch, staring up at the stars in the sky.

"I'll become one for you."

The man turns to look at the young boy.

They smile together, one last time.

The boy moves his hand to hold the man's hand.

"So just…"

–What an ugly thought…
…Something beautiful to struggle for…

"…leave your dream to me."

---

…

EMIYA stood still, Durandal still raised above him to intercept the girl's final strike.

…

Shirou's body was buried inside EMIYA's own, Kanshou piercing straight through his heart.

…

"So that…" EMIYA solemnly whispered.

"…Is your answer…"

…

"…" Shirou said nothing, simply closing her eyes in response.

EMIYA chuckled, his laugh filled with remorse and self-pity.

"…I've lost, Shirou…"

…

"…And it's my victory, Archer…"

Liquid splashed on the ground.

Shirou assumed it was her body bleeding.

EMIYA knew better.

A lone tear rolled down his cheek.

–Never once retreating…
Never once being victorious….

…Is that your oath, Emiya Shirou?

…Your Unlimited Blade Works…

…Unlike mine… yours…

It's beautiful.

Something tingled down his spine.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted a golden projectile launching towards him.

FWOOSH

He pushed Shirou out of the way.

He looked into the girl's eyes one last time, smiling.

She's confused. Her body is broken.

But the beauty of the fire behind her golden eyes does not fade.

He smiled and closed his eyes, resigning himself to his end.

–Emiya Shirou…

I wonder what type of hero you'll become.

One last vision flashed in his closed eyelids.

A different girl.

–Rin…

Take care of her, would you?

---

A year passed without further incidents.

The rest of their year group had already gone home, thinking about their next step in life; jobs, universities, families.

FWOOSH

One lone soul remained inside, looking through the windows as the soft purplish orange light of sunset.

"Ah."

The swishing sounds ceased.

A girl with hair and eyes that match the vibrancy of the sun stops sweeping the floor with her broom.

"I guess this classroom is done, then."

Shirou smiled, placing the cleaning gear back in the closet where it came from.

Turning to face the door, she paused.

A smile rises on her face.

"Tohsaka."

The aforementioned girl waves to her from the doorway.

Sparkling aqua eyes shine kindly upon her. A gentle breeze from one of the open windows blows past Shirou, and Rin's black hair tied-

"Ah…" Shirou blinked. "…You look good with your hair down."

Rin beamed at her. "Oh, you like it? I figured that now that we've graduated, it's time for an image change, what with me going to the Clock Tower soon and all."

"Mm." Shirou hummed. "It's just a bit weird… I've known you for nearly two years now and I've never seen you with your hair down."

Rin giggled lightly. "Well, get used to it. I can't be going around with the image of a perfect, cute young girl in the Clock Tower… I'll be representing the Tohsaka Family in its entirety."

Rin beckoned Shirou out of the classroom with a tiny gesture of her fingers. "Come on… Let's go make dinner at your place."

Shirou nodded in response, joining her best friend as they walked down the hallway in silence, taking comfort in the other's presence.

Rin's fingers wormed their way around Shirou's, linking their hands together.

Shirou flinched minutely. "T-tohsaka?"

"Rin." She responded matter-of-factly. "We're adults now. We can call each other by our first names, and we've been best friends for nearly two years. You can handle a bit of hand-holding can't you, you big pushover?"

"…" Shirou simply smiles softly. "Thanks… To-… Rin."

…

"…Say, Shirou, what are you gonna be doing next year? Following in your dad's footsteps?"

Shirou's eyes wandered off to the side, out the windows and into the distant sky.

"…Hmm…"

…To be honest, she hadn't put much thought into it.

"…I don't know, really… I suppose I was just going to wander the world, trying my best..."

Rin chuckled. "That's just like you… idiot… you should really put more thought into this stuff, you know? Your future is really important. If you don't take care of yourself and think it through, you might end up like him, you know?"

"…I guess…"

Rin's eyes joined hers, looking off into the distance, past the sunset.

But unlike Shirou's, Rin's knew what they were searching for out there.

"You know…" Rin whispered softly.

Past the sun, she saw a silhouette.

The man's back was turned to her. His red cape billowed in the wind.

"I made a promise… to him… I would take care of you… make sure you would never walk that path alone, that you would never turn into him."

"…Is that so? …Thanks, T-… Rin."

…

"You should come with me."

"Eh?" Shirou reeled back slightly, blinking. "…Where?" She asked uncertainly.

Rin's hand came up to flick her in the forehead.

"Ow…"

Rin sighed. "To the Clock Tower, you doofus."

By now, the two already exited the school gates, wandering the streets of Fuyuki as they found their way to Shirou's home.

"I can take you in as my apprentice. Teach you how to be an actual proper magus. They'll let you in as my assistant. I mean, you'll have to hide your reality marble and all, but that should be easy enough."

"Hmm…" Shirou considered it. "I… don't really want to be chained down in one place though."

"You could try to become a Freelance Enforcer… like your father."

"…Could I?" Shirou tilted her head.

"…Yea… I'm sure with your capabilities, as long as you stick to black keys and mundane Mystic Codes and not any of the bigger Noble Phantasms, you'll make it in easily… and if not, I'm sure Bazett would be willing to do us a few favours to help you in, given what we did for her last year."

"Hmmm…" Shirou pondered upon it to herself.

Suddenly, Rin broke her hand away from Shirou's, running in front of her to meet her eye-to-eye.

"So, how about it?" She smiled with a hint of mischief.

"…"

Rin bended forward a bit, tilting her head. "Well, come on, don't go silent on me now. I need an answer, you know?"

…

–Beyond the sunset, I could still hear it.

The sounds of clashing swords.
Memories of that day.

I recall the man who stood in front of me that day.
His solemn figure.
His regretful, hateful words.

And I remember his past. Every action and regret.
And most of all, I remember his final smile as he pushed me away.

…How much has changed since then?

How much has stayed the same since then?

Shirou looked off into the distance once more, finally able to find what it was she was searching for.

–"So that is your answer." The man smiled.

…Was that my answer?

…To be honest, I still don't know.

But I'm sure…

Shirou turned back, smiling at Rin.

She reached out with her hand.

–If I keep on walking…
If she keeps me on track…

I'll end up at the place you once stopped.

And there, Archer… I promise you.

I'll give you a proper answer at that time.

---

My past and present tense is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

Welcome to the bottom of the chapter, folks.

I'll just get this out of the way before I say something else because I really don't want to have to bring this up later. No, this is not an original version of Archer and Shirou's fight as 70% of you probably think. I don't blame you if you thought it was but it isn't. This is basically just a rehash of the original Visual Novel's version of the fight. The specific emotional beats, motivations, realisations and conclusions are different, but the flow of events and choreography basically follows the VN exactly. I could be wrong but I imagine most people are only familiar with the anime's version of the fight.

I bring this up because it'd be very awkward if someone were to compliment me on this scene.

I mean, not that that would happen because this is by far the most awkward prologue to ever exist in the history of ever. Like seriously. What kinda story starts like this lmao. If you were immediately turned off by this story starting like this I won't blame you, but I would like to ask for you to stick around at least until next chapter where the story actually starts.

As for why I started the story like this in the first place?

Well number one, because whatever i guess lmao i wasn't thinking.

And number two, you're free to disagree but I personally feel as if this moment is Emiya Shrou, for lack of better phrasing. This exact conflict and realisation is what makes a post-UBW Shirou such an interesting concept in my eyes. And unless I wanted to start all the way back at the beginning of the Fifth Holy Grail War, this is the only way I can bring these ideas to the forefront and make them a key part of Shirou's journey from the very start of this fic without awkward mid-arc flashbacks.

(basically i suck at writing. feel free to bash me for this incredibly awkwardly placed fight.)

Okay, now actually, welcome to the bottom of the chapter, folks.

This is a thing now. Welcome to "Ideal" x "Answer" I guess. That is if you somehow made it past the awkward prologue.

What you are witnessing is the prelude to a horrendous attempt at fusing together the Nasuverse and DxD. This surely won't go wrong at all. I'm sure nothing at all will happen and I'm definitely certain that absolutely zero people will scream at me for the things I get wrong.

It'll become clear exactly where in the timeline for DxD this is next chapter. Whenever that is.

Also, I'm just gonna say this right now before it pops up in a fight scene later:

If you want to complain about powerscaling between two parties who originate from the same story/work/universe, sure, go ahead, those are valid complaints. Those two characters were created to function under the same laws and world and probably wouldn't fall too far apart from each other on a scale. But if you want to talk about powerscaling two individuals who are from different sources of fiction I'm sorry but I am going to ignore you. Characters from different works are made by different writers who made different worlds whose laws function differently from each other and their writing drives different purposes in different stories.

Yes, Suspension of Disbelief. I know of it. That's an actual valid arguement. If you want to bring that up you can and I honestly won't have anything I can retaliate with.

I won't hold anything against you if you end up doing this later down the line. I'm not actually bothered by the arguements that this type of crossover causes in the review section (well, for all the like, three people who decided to click on this story, anyways). It's just that fights and proper power scaling is very far down on my list of concerns for what I want this story to be. If it comes down to it, I'll listen to you guys but the goal of the story is to avoid situations where such discussions need to be had in the first place.

Sorry about that rant. That made me look like a dick, didn't it? I swear I'm not this pissy usually.

Uh, anyways, back to the story itself.

Why a female Shirou? Well, like I said above not really any reason. I don't have any particular direction I want this change to go. I literally just woke up one day and decided to write this story with Shirou being a girl. I could have made Shirou male and it would have made basically no difference with how anything turned out.

Actually, no, that's a bit of a lie. There is one sorta significant change that this brings to the table that will probably somehow be touched on at a later date. And that being the relationship between Archer and Shirou. To Archer, it is very evident that this timeline's Shirou is not him. He does not operate under the miniscule hope that ending her life will somehow change his; he just does it out of hatred for the life he has led up until that point as well as disgust for the person he used to be. Same goes for Shirou: she knows that he cannot possibly be her direct future, but that doesn't matter. Causality and temporal shenanigans and specific events were not what caused Archer to become Archer. It is in the nature of Emiya Shirou's ideal itself. And that is why this Shirou fights against Archer.

Makes things like 0.1% more intense but it doesn't really matter. There's also the neat side effect of 'same-but-different' but i have no clue how I'm supposed to talk about what that does in this A/N. You'll probably see it come up later in the story itself. Eventually. Hopefully.

Also, why did I not change Shirou's name to make it more evident that she's... well... female here? Well, I did change it in a sort-of-kinda-technically-but-not-really-but-i-pretty-much-did way and that's with the Kanji the name is written in but this story is in English so that doesn't really matter lmao.

The main reason is because I'm somewhat of a stickler for linguistics and naming and there really is no actual Japanese-viable female alternative name that sounds decent for 'Shi' (Warrior) and 'Rou' (Son) (something like Shiko just sounds dumb to say, and what even is a Shirouko, warrior-son-child? you get the point. the list goes on), and we also don't have the privelige of being 'Naruto' and having a name that is easily convertible into a female's like Naruko, Naru or whatever the cool kids go with these days.

basically im lazy.

thats it.

im sorry lmao

Uh. Right where was I. Oh, yeah, the story itself. As for what this story is actually going to be about, well... For the first part of the story it's just gonna be Shirou wandering around the world like a bum on various missions as an Enforcer (as well as other miscellaneous stuff) before she slowly gets entangled in the deep end of the Moonlit World and gets caught in all the fun DxD shenanigans. the events of DxD itself will be later down the line. We'll get there when we get there.

Also; writing style.

If it wasn't clear, I'm sorta trying to emulate the style of the VNs and its a new experience. Its a learning experience for me as much as it is for you. And it's really fucking with my past and present tenses. Like holy shit its bad. I wonder if writing like this will make my problem of word bloat better or worse.

Who knows, maybe I'll just decide to keep it for actual climactic moments and write like a normal human being in most chapters. I dunno. Like I said, unlike my other story, I don't really have much of a plan for this one. Sorta just writing it on a whim.

I don't really have much else to say. I guess I'll repeat once more that I hope you don't judge this story based on this prologue; I wish I didn't have to do this too.

That's all for now. See you next time.

---

Next Time: In England, A King and His Knights