Hide and Drink

by Savage7289

Bella's blood was just too tempting to be ignored. In this version of Twilight, Edward takes Bella on a sadistic journey with his monstrous side. While Edward drags her around the world, barely keeping a step ahead of his frantic family, Bella battles the monster for possession of the gentler vampire inside her captor. EPOV. "There was no other blood like this."

31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31 – Mope and Hope

The feeding frenzy is nearly impossible to describe, even to another vampire who would have experienced it. Vision doesn't fade, but it changes – focuses and narrows until there is only one thing visible – the target and its blood. Hearing and smell follow – focusing on the meal, but also keeping tabs on anything that might interfere or try to steal the kill. There is no true conscious thought, nothing that thinks what the consequences of the action may be or considers any possible regrets. Instinct takes over – completely and totally.

The monster's name is instinct. Vampire instinct at its highest and most finely tuned. He can be uncontrollable. As a newborn, Carlisle taught me how to fight it, but he couldn't have taught me how to fight this. This was no ordinary target and this was no ordinary blood. This was sanity. This was life. This was existence. This was addiction. This was salvation. This was mania. This was ecstasy.

This was love.

Between the smell of her blood at her throat, the incredible thirst, the monster's insistence, and the feel of her internal warmth wrapped around me most intimately, I was almost completely lost.

Almost.

I snarled, barely fighting my way back to conscious actions. One hand reached out and grabbed the buzzing piece of electronic nonsense off the nightstand and pulverized it. My thoughts narrowed and focused…her blood. I needed her blood.

Do not bite!

I couldn't convince my fingers to release her hair, so the hand that destroyed the phone traced slowly up her side, under her arm and next to her breast before my fingers softly caressed the skin at her neck, right at the throbbing artery underneath while the monster screamed from the little post to which he was tethered. The rope looked very thin and fragile, and I didn't know if I could hold him back enough not to kill her.

Kill my Bella.

The thought played around in my head while I watched my body act. Visions of the cabin we recently abandoned and Bella crying underneath me invaded my skull as the nail of my thumb cut through her skin and the arterial tissue beneath.

The tether broke, and the monster fed while I screamed at him to stop.

I was no longer making love to her – I was fucking her while her blood poured down my throat. My fingers reached down and gripped her hip, pulling her against me with every thrust. The sound of her heart's rapid beating was all I could hear. I could no longer discern the tightrope-thin line separating me from the vile, horrid creature set loose the previous January. With every thrust, I sucked her blood into my body, groaning against the skin of her throat. I pulled out, almost all the way, and slammed back into her, never breaking the rhythm. I could barely hear her moaning underneath me.

"Edward…Edward, please…you have to stop. Protect me, sweetheart. Edward…Edward…I love you, Edward…"

Protect.

Bella said I was her protector. I felt my hips collide with hers again, burying me inside of her before pulling out and diving into her again. Blood coated my tongue in another wave of ecstasy. I was killing her. I was going to kill her.

Protect.

Protector.

Protect her.

I felt my arms coil around her back and pull her closer to my chest. With a grunt, my release came, coating her and claiming her and filling her as the sensations trembled through my skin. My tongue lapped at her neck, sealing the mark with venom and closing the wound. I felt every muscle shudder against her, and I collapsed onto her body.

Deep, heavy breaths pulled air into my lungs, and I tucked my forehead against her shoulder, as if I could hide from what I had done. I couldn't speak, and I couldn't move. I held my beloved against my chest and kept my eyes closed, terrified of what I might see if I opened them.

I always told her I was going to kill her someday. Was that day today?

"Please, Bella, please…tell me you are all right. Please!"

My miniscule whisper was met with silence, lasting an eternity in my mind.

I felt her hands against my shoulder blades, but they were limp. She didn't move to run her fingers through my hair, which she did after every time we made love.

The more intact, logical part of my brain registered her breathing and her steady heart rate a moment before she spoke.

"I'm fine."

The growl from my chest was almost reflexive as she uttered those words. I wanted to pull back, release her and maybe run away as fast as I could, but I couldn't move. True to my disgustingly vile nature, I felt myself go hard inside of her, the monster ready for another go.

I tried to form more words – apologies, or maybe just begging – I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to say. My body was still shivering in sheer delight at having nearly killed her. I was still so overwhelmed by it all, I couldn't think or act. I wanted to destroy myself. I wanted to do it all over again.

I don't know how long I stayed immobile, lying on top of her and breathing in her scent. I could feel my erection still buried inside of her and had to force myself not to start thrusting into her again. Her blood coursed through my body, and I could literally feel it nourishing me, strengthening me…and him.

Eventually, I lifted my head just enough to turn it towards her.

She was looking away from me, towards the window. She was almost as motionless as I.

"Bella?"

She didn't turn towards me, and she didn't respond. I pulled out of her slowly, the sound of moistened skin and fluids seemed extremely loud in the silence of the room. I rolled over to the side, onto my back and stared at the ceiling. When I couldn't take any more of that, I rotated and sat up on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to say…something.

I wanted to look her over with what medical knowledge I had and make sure I hadn't hurt her…or that I hadn't hurt her too much. I considered calling Carlisle, which made me remember that the phone had been buzzing.

It was now in shattered pieces all over the floor. I barely remembered reaching for it. What else had I done? I had nearly bitten Bella, fed from her before it was time…how much did I take? I glanced back over to her, focusing on her hip where I knew I had to have left bruises. Yes, there they were. Finger shaped and curving around her, they looked back at me and reminded me that I never should have allowed this.

But I told her I would let her decide. How did I know if it was the right thing to do or not?

Because she told me to stop, and I didn't hear her. Or maybe I just hadn't listened. I had to stop thinking about it, because if I kept thinking about the way it felt to take her blood while pounding inside of her too much, I was going to do it again.

"Bella?" I said softly. She didn't respond. I didn't really know what to say to her, anyway. Apologize? Again? Hey Bella, sorry about that whole almost screwing you to death thing. I'd say it won't happen again, but we both know I can't really guarantee that with a straight face.

I looked over to her and watched her wipe tears from her cheeks. She continued to look at the window, so I dropped my eyes down to my feet on the floor, surrounded by bits of cell phone, and continued to say nothing until I just couldn't stand it anymore.

"Bella, please," I started, but didn't know how to complete. I took a couple of deep breaths. "Just say something."

"I'm all right, Edward," she finally said.

"How can you be?" I countered.

"I will be, okay?"

"No," I said. "It's not okay. This is what I have feared since…"

"Edward," Bella sighed and looked over to me. She pushed herself up with her forearms and leaned against the headboard. "I know you didn't mean to. It's all right, just don't…do that again."

Just don't do it again.

Just don't do it again.

Seriously?

I wasn't sure if it was the incredulous nature of her request, her blood running through my system, or just my general frustration level finally reaching a point I could no longer contain, but I was suddenly, completely infuriated with her. Just don't do it again. Did she think I had some kind of choice in the matter? The only real choice I had was to leave, which I did. I protected her that way for nearly half a year. She went off and dragged me back here. She made me drink the first time, knowing what it would do to me. And now she was going to tell me to just cut it out?

"You wanted this!" I screamed at her. I jumped up from the bed and pushed myself against the wall farthest from her. It seemed prudent to not be in her immediate vicinity at the moment. "I never wanted it, and you forced this on me! You knew this could happen – you knew it!"

"Edward!" Bella's eyes widened.

"No!" I yelled back. "I didn't want it. I was away from you where you were safe. It was all I wanted – just for you to be safe and happy. I want you too much – in too many different ways. You made me drink when I didn't want to do it! And now I've…I've…"

I couldn't even put a name to what I had done.

"I wasn't going to stand by and watch you be that way, Edward! I couldn't do it!"

"You could have," I said, my voice low. "You could have just forgotten about me."

"No," Bella argued. "I couldn't forget you. Not ever."

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my trembling muscles. I was angry at myself, at my nature, and taking it out on her. I wanted to take a deep breath, but her scent was too strong. I moved slowly back to the bed and sat back on the edge of it, still away from her. I looked into her eyes and saw I had made her cry again.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Bella," I said to her. "All of this seems so wrong to me. It can't be right. I can't…drink from you again."

"You will if that's what's needed," Bella said with authority.

"Bella, you don't understand." I shook my head and looked back down at the broken phone bits. "I could have killed you so easily. You're with a vampire, Bella, don't you…"

The sound from her throat was nothing less than a growl. I looked up to find her eyes blazing at me as she bridged the area between us. Bella sat up on her knees and grabbed the sides of my face. I looked into her eyes as they bore into me.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen!" Bella hissed at me. "Do you think I'm so stupid that I don't know what you are?"

I shook my head between her hands.

"Then stop treating me like I am!" Bella's voice softened. "I know you, Edward. I know who you are, and I know what you are. You aren't perfect, by any means, but I don't expect you to be. You are going to screw up. I'm not perfect, and I'm going to screw up, too. I may never forgive myself for leaving you on our island all alone, and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen again. I've learned from that mistake, and you are going to learn from yours as well."

"You may not be perfect," she went on, "but I don't think I have ever witnessed anyone who tries harder than you do. I know it's hard for you – I don't think at this point in my existence I can fathom how hard it is – but you still keep on trying. You go against your very nature to love me and to be with me. Someday it's all going to be worth it. I promise you that, Edward. It's difficult now, but someday everything is going to work out for us."

. . . . .

Walking up the steps did not feel like a homecoming.

It was Christmas Eve. I had avoided my family since our return and my…near miss with Bella. I hadn't tried to drink her blood since then, and had all but refused to touch her in anything other than a chaste manner. We still cuddled in bed, and I still had to have a hand on her all the time, unless she told me specifically to stop. Tonight, Carlisle would draw Bella's blood for me, so I wouldn't have the opportunity to harm her again.

I was still afraid – terrified, even – that I wouldn't be able to control myself around her. Especially during more intimate moments. Despite Bella's insistence that she understood what she was doing, I couldn't help but disagree with her internally, even if I didn't voice it. I was tense, apprehensive, a little annoyed and more than a little embarrassed. I could hear them all clearly as they awaited our return.

Alice said he was better already, and I missed my son so much…if that vision of him punching Emmett comes true, I'm not holding back…calmer, at least, and not so confused…so glad you are both here together…not sure how I can begin testing if they can't keep a strict schedule…it's about time!

Alice threw open the door before we reached the top step and took Bella into a close embrace. I didn't let go of Bella's hand, so her returning hug was with only one arm.

Are you going to be grouchy all day?

"I'm not grouchy," I grumbled back at her, my volume too low for Bella's ears.

Alice raised an eyebrow at me and took Bella's free hand to lead her into the house. The rest of my family was near the foyer, offering happy holiday wishes to Bella and wary glances at me.

"He's better," Bella suddenly piped up, scanning each of their faces. "Stop treating him like he's a leper or something."

"Bella," I whispered. "I deserve it."

"No, Edward," she turned back to me. "I'm not staying here if they're going to do this to you."

"Bella's right," Carlisle interjected. He took a couple of steps forward and hugged me. I also only returned the hug with one arm. "Welcome home, Edward. I'm glad to see you back to yourself."

"I'm not," I said. I rubbed the side of Bella's hand with my thumb. "But I am better."

"He's thirsty," Bella announced, looking straight at Carlisle. "Can we go ahead and get him fed first?"

"Of course," Carlisle replied. "It's all set up in the kitchen."

"In the kitchen?" I said. "Isn't that a little morbid?"

"It's all right, Edward," Bella said. "I think if you consider who lives here, the kitchen is the perfect place."

She started to lead me through the doorway, but I stopped.

"Should I be there?" I said softly, looking into her eyes. I didn't know if it would be a good idea or not. "I mean – while he's drawing your blood? I don't know how I would react to seeing that. The smell alone…"

"All right, sweetheart," Bella said with a nod. "Wait in the living room and we'll call you when it's done. Okay?"

"Okay," I said, but didn't release her hand. I looked down at our intertwined fingers and tried to figure out how we could be in two different rooms and her still hold my hand.

"Let go, Edward."

"I have to?"

"Yes," she said with a giggle.

I smiled down at her, glad I could still make her laugh, and slowly released her fingers. I hated the feeling. I took a few steps away from the entrance to the kitchen, just so I wouldn't see it happen, but I couldn't bring myself to go as far as the living room. Alice joined Carlisle and Bella while Esme stood by my side, her hand on my arm.

"Edward?" Esme said softly. I tore my eyes away from the kitchen doorway and looked at her. "I missed you, son. I'm so glad you are back here with us for the holidays. I don't like having my children so far from home."

I looked into her amber eyes and heard her mental whispers of love and caring and remorse for not doing more for me. I shook my head slightly.

"There's nothing more you could have done," I told her.

"There is always more a mother can do," Esme responded. Her arms reached around my neck, and she held my head to her shoulder.

I gripped her around her back, holding her tightly and snarling as the scent of Bella's exposed blood invaded my nostrils and threatened to do me in. Esme's grip tightened around my neck, her embrace turning into a method of restraint. I felt Emmett's powerful frame move up behind me. Insurance.

I held my breath and concentrated on keeping my hands from shaking. I could hear Bella's life fluids pouring out of her in the next room, and I might have whimpered into my mother's shoulder. I turned my face into her neck and just let her restrain me.

It's going to be all right, Edward. We're going to make it all right. Whatever needs to be done, it will be done. I love you so much. We all do…

It was only a few minutes, but it might as well have been a lifetime. I heard Carlisle tell her it was enough, and I listened to the sound of the needle slowly retreating from her body. I broke from Esme's grasp and ran to my love, cradling her against me. I wasn't sure if it was to comfort her or myself.

A few minutes later, I sat in the kitchen with a unit of Bella's blood in my hand along with – God help me – a straw. I made everyone leave. It was just too odd to have them in the same room with me while I did this completely monstrous act. I took a few deep breaths and just did it.

It didn't taste right, but then it wasn't really the proper temperature. I drained it anyway, because it was still deliciously hers. I had to physically restrain myself from trying to lick every last drop from the inside of the bag. I disposed of it and sat where I was for some time, embarrassed and disgusted with myself. I was probably in there for an hour before Bella came back into the kitchen and stood in front of me.

She wrapped her arms around my head and pulled me against her chest.

"I don't want to be like this," I whispered against her.

"I know, baby," she responded just as softly. "We'll find another way. Carlisle wants to get samples tonight. He already took some of my blood for his tests."

As if on cue, my father walked up behind her.

Let's get this out of the way so we can enjoy the rest of the holiday.

"Fine," I said, a little curtly.

"Edward," Bella chastised. "He's trying to help."

"I know," I sighed. "Sorry, Carlisle. I'm a little on edge."

"Understandably," my father said. "I'm going to take some samples from you first, Edward. I'm also going to get some from Emmett and Esme, just as a control. Venom is the easy one, but I'm going to need something else as well."

"Bella shouldn't be here for that," I said, knowing what was in his mind.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Bella…please."

"I'm not leaving you," she insisted. "You kicked me out when it was time to drink and then you sat in here and mentally punished yourself. I'm not going anywhere."

All right, I wasn't going to argue with her because I told her I would not. If she wanted to stay, I wouldn't stop her. Actually, having her here would make it easier for me…

"Bella," Carlisle said gently, interrupting my thoughts. "I need to get a sample of Edward's ejaculate."

"I'll be in the other room." Bella turned on her heel and scrambled out of the kitchen.

Saved by my father. Who would have thought?

. . . . .

Esme and Alice had decorated what must have been the most gigantic Fir tree ever to be found. It was ginormous, both in height and girth, and it took up a good quarter of the large living area. There were colorful balls, sparkling snowflakes and tinsel all over the sides. Of course, there was a star on top which was blinking and playing tinny Christmas tunes.

I sat next to Bella on the couch, and tried not to meet any of their eyes. I didn't want them seeing me this way. It was worse than when I couldn't think straight. Their thoughts – their pity – were as painful as being lost, and this time I was fully aware of what was happening around me.

I didn't want to be there, but Bella was smiling and hugging everyone and I hadn't seen her smile often enough. I laced my fingers with hers and just watched her glow in the light of the tree and laugh at Emmett's idiotic jokes.

At least he could tell one properly.

Gifts were piled under the tree for the following morning, and I saw Bella slip gifts she had brought from the closet in my room upstairs in with those Alice had wrapped so carefully. Bella's gifts interested me, because I didn't know what was inside. I usually knew what was in the packages long before anyone opened them.

Esme pressured me into playing the piano. Bella smiled and nodded at the suggestion, so I gave in and played every Christmas song Bella could name, except one she claimed was by The Chipmunks. I had no idea what she was talking about.

Bella sat next to me on the piano bench while my fingers brought O Holy Night out of the piano's chords. She laid her head on my shoulder and I turned to smile at her and place a small kiss on her forehead. I flowed into Silent Night and noticed my family quietly leaving the room to give Bella and me some privacy.

"I remember it now," I said softly.

"Remember what? The Chipmunk song?"

"No," I scoffed. "I remember your lullaby."

I changed the song again and brought this new melody to Bella, the person for whom it was written.

"It's beautiful, Edward."

"It's how I feel when I watch you sleep," I said softly. "You are so beautiful and peaceful. You fascinated me and you captured my heart while you slept."

Bella reached up and placed her lips softly against mine.

"Thank you," she said simply. I smiled and looped the song around, starting over from the beginning. If I could have her kisses and her smiles, I would have played forever. But Bella was human, and as her head rested on my shoulder her eyes began to droop.

"Bedtime for the human?"

"I don't really want to." Bella yawned and stretched. "I might rather just listen to you play a little longer."

"If you prefer," I said, and continued to play her song for a while longer, and then I changed the tune to Chopin. When I felt her weight a little heavier on my side, I lowered the volume of my playing for a minute before stopping all together. Bella yawned again, and I scooped her up into my arms. I took her up to my room…well, her room now, really. Our room? I took her to the third-floor bedroom and tucked her into a bed that hadn't been there in the past. I heard Carlisle's internal desire to speak with me, but I ignored him and crawled in next to her. I had spent enough time sharing my Bella this evening, and for the next eight hours I wanted her only to myself.

She slept soundly while I held her, until her dreams came to me through her unconscious words.

"Charlie…didn't mean to…Merry Christmas, Dad…I'm sorry…"

I was such a selfish creature. I hadn't even thought about Bella's father since we had returned and she told me they were no longer speaking. Again, it was my fault. It was for me that she pulled away from him, and it was because of me he was angry with her. It wasn't right, not now – not during the holidays. She needed to see her father.

She wouldn't go without a lot of persuasion, I realized. Bella was nothing if not stubborn, and I would hazard a guess that she inherited that trait from her father. There had to be a way I could get the two of them back together, even if I had to speak with him myself, and beg for his forgiveness.

Bella's mumblings stopped, and I stroked her hair softly as she lay across my chest. I felt the rise and fall of her breaths against my chest, and of course, the feeling of her breasts pushing against me did not go unnoticed.

I hadn't tried to make love to her since I almost killed her. I wanted to do it, and she made it very clear that she wanted it as well, but I was terrified of the same thing happening again. That didn't stop me from touching her in her sleep though. I loved to touch her, and couldn't really seem to let an opportunity pass me by. I wasn't sure if she knew it or not – I was careful not to wake her up again.

With her on top of me, all I could do was touch her hair and her back and her arms. That was all right with me. I loved all of her skin, and considered it a perfect night if I could just touch her the whole time. This night was no less than perfect on that level. I held her and kissed the top of her head while she slept, and tried to think of a way to get her to see her father. As the sun's rays slowly permeated the room, I watched the hues in her hair lighten and softly stroked her cheek. It wasn't long before Christmas morning began in the most perfect way possible, with Bella opening her eyes and smiling at me.

"Merry Christmas, love," I said, kissing the top of her head.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

"I'm fairly certain from the sounds and the smell, Esme is attempting to cook you a Christmas breakfast," I warned. "Hopefully she has retained some of her human cooking knowledge and it doesn't turn out like any of my attempts."

"I don't smell smoke." Bella giggled and reached her fingers up and into my hair. "So far so good!"

I had thought about it all night, and never did come up with the proper way to broach the subject, so I just spit it out there.

"We should go and see your father today."

"What?" Bella said with a clipped laugh. "Do you want to prove to me you are bullet proof? It's not necessary."

"You need to see him, Bella. Especially today."

"It's not a big deal, Edward."

"Bella, it is a big deal," I said. "I may not remember much of my human life, but I do remember my parents most clearly. Your father is important in your life. Sometimes I think I didn't cherish my parents enough when they were alive, and then it was too late. You shouldn't let me be in the way of your relationship with Charlie. I can't be in the way of something that is so important in your life."

"Edward, he's not going to forgive me for walking out on him. He's not going to forgive me for choosing to be with you. He knows you took me away without…well, without me wanting to go. I don't know how he knows it, but he does. I caused him to worry a lot. He isn't just going to forgive and forget."

"I understand, love," I said, kissing her head again. "But your father will forgive you – he is your family, and you are so important to him. Please, go see him."

I could see by the crinkles in her forehead she was contemplating. I waited patiently while she mulled over the idea and finally scowled back up at me.

"Fine, Edward," Bella finally said. "I'll go, but on one condition."

"What is that?"

"You make love to me tonight," Bella said simply.

"Bella…" I didn't really know what to say.

"Edward," Bella mocked. "I think you need to stop thinking the worst of yourself and realize this can work. Did you really think I wasn't going to notice? You went from wanting sex every nine minutes to telling me I need a good night's sleep every night."

"I didn't think you would notice," I mumbled.

"Please," Bella said, not even trying to hide behind the sarcasm. She touched her lips lightly to mine. "Don't you know how much I want you, too?"

"I'm afraid," I admitted, trying not to let my body react to the touch of her lips. "Bella…I came so close…so close to…to…killing you, Bella!"

"I know you think you might do that," Bella nodded her head. "And I know the possibility is there. But I don't think you ever will. You have had too many opportunities, Edward. If you were going to kill me, you would have by now."

"You don't know that," I argued. "I feel so…out of control sometimes. The urges to feed are extremely strong."

"I know, baby," Bella said, kissing me again. "But you are stronger that they are."

"You have more faith in me than I do."

"Yes, I know that," Bella smiled. "And apparently you have more faith in my father than I do. Deal?"

I didn't think I could really turn down a deal like that, so I nodded my head and took her down to breakfast.

. . . . .

I parked a block away from Bella's house, and Bella took another deep breath. If she kept this up, she was going to hyperventilate.

"Stay here," she said, glaring at me. I had no intention of going inside with her, but I still got out and opened the door for her and helped her out of the car. She gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, picked up the small cube-shaped package containing a new fishing reel, and headed down the street and to the front door. She stood on the porch for a minute, likely trying to decide if she should knock or not. After a minute she reached up above the door and pulled the key out of its hiding spot, unlocked the door and went in.

I could still hear her easily from this distance, but if it gave her the illusion of privacy, I would do my best. I turned up the music in the car, like I told her I would. I didn't want to listen, and I didn't want to hear his muted thoughts, either. Some things slipped through, and when I heard him yell at her, and tell her he would never respect her decision, I almost went to the door anyway.

Somehow, I managed to stay where I was, until I saw movement at the window, and then Charlie Swan's form coming out of the house, down the street and towards my car.

I turned off the music and tried to decide if I should get out of the car all together, or just roll down the window. I opted for getting out, since it seemed more respectful.

"Chief Swan," I said with a nod. "Please, allow me to apologize for my actions the last time…"

"Can it, Edward," Charlie snapped. "I don't like you and I don't trust you, so your apologies don't mean a thing to me. What does mean something to me is my daughter. She is the most important thing in the world to me, and I don't want to lose her. She seems to think she's in love with you, and it seems I'm going to have to accept that in order to keep her around."

"I love her, too," I told him. I didn't want there to be any doubt that I returned her feelings for me. "More than my own life."

Charlie grumbled at my declaration and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"You're a bad influence on her," he stated. "She's missed school since Thanksgiving break, and I'm thinking that probably about the time you two met up again, since I know she left town, and I know you weren't here. She's a smart girl, and she needs her education."

"I agree, Chief Swan," I said with a nod. I thought about telling him I had no idea she had been missing school, but I doubted it would have affected his opinion of me.

"She has to go back to school," Charlie snarled at me. "If you thought it was so important, you'd be in school as well. You can't tell me that hasn't been a deciding factor in her attendance. How many times have you shown up on the weekend from wherever you've been?"

"I haven't, sir," I said, shaking my head. I needed to steer this conversation in another direction. "I mean – I want her to finish school as well. I will make sure she goes back to finish her senior year. I'll help her catch back up so she will graduate on time. I'll make sure she gets into a good university – I swear. I will take care of her, Chief Swan."

Sure you will. I bet you have been, already.

"You aren't welcome here," he said as he turned back to the house. "I'll be removing this badge long enough to take care of you if you ever hurt her again. Are we clear, son?"

"Yes, sir."

For some bizarre reason, his words actually concerned me as much as they would have any teenage boy. That night, his words continued to haunt me as I made love to Bella. I didn't hurt her, and did my best to make up for the days I hadn't given her orgasms. She gave me a sly, vindicated look before snuggling back into my arms and sleeping in our room at the Cullen home.

. . . . .

The next week went uneventfully. I drank Bella's blood when Carlisle drew it from her. It never tasted right, though I wasn't sure exactly why. I mentioned it to Carlisle and he couldn't give me a definite answer. We decided the only real difference would be the temperature change from the short amount of time the blood was outside of her body.

I should have realized it wasn't working. I should have noticed the more subtle differences in my thought processes and behaviors before I did. I blew them off, trying to ignore the signs. I wasn't sure if Bella didn't notice at first either, or if she was in the same denial state as I.

By New Year's Eve, we could no longer deny that something was wrong.

How did we know?

Because Bella was touching my shoulder – shaking it, and asking me what I was doing out here.

I had to look around to figure out where out here was.

I was sitting in the dirt at the edge of the river at the back of my family's property. There was a small, flat rock in my hand, which was just right for skipping across the water if it hadn't been moving so swiftly.

I didn't recall coming to this place, and I didn't know why I was there.

Bella took my hand and led me back to the house. She kept telling me everything was going to be okay, but I wasn't so sure. I didn't want to argue with her, so I didn't say anything. I just nodded my head when she asked me a direct question.

Once we were back in the house, Bella took me to Carlisle's study and told him where she found me. I continued to nod and shrug as they discussed the possible reasons for my setback, because I didn't know what else to say or do.

"I don't know what else to suggest," Carlisle said, hopelessness coating his words. "If the time between drawing it from Bella and you ingesting the blood is enough to somehow…change it…either in temperature or some other way, then I'm not sure what else can be done. It gives me something else to look for in the meantime, but for now…"

The blood has to be taken from the source.

I would always have to hurt her.

"Never alone," I whispered.

"What, baby?" Bella's hands found their way into my hair and she held me against her chest.

"Don't let me drink from you when we're alone. Someone should be there to stop me if I can't."

"Edward, you can. You know…"

"Please," I looked up to her, not the least bit embarrassed to be begging for her life. "Please, don't put me in a position to hurt you again."

"All right," Bella finally agreed.

And again, this seemingly unending cycle continued, only this time with an audience.

My path of self-hatred was starting to wear on me.

Nine days after New Year's, I was finally feeling a bit like myself again. Carlisle was at a loss to explain why Bella's blood didn't seem to have an effect on me unless I took it straight from her. He was dumbfounded, I was depressed, and Bella was…resigned.

Like she always was.

It wasn't anywhere close to being happy, which is what I wanted for her. I longed to know what she was truly thinking, now more than ever. I knew she loved me, because what she was doing for me was far beyond something like friendship or obligation. It was far beyond pity, even for a self-sacrificing soul like Bella. But was she actually okay with our...arrangement? Could she be satisfied by our relationship as it stands? I had difficulty believing she would choose this existence for herself. As my faculties improved, I had also begun to dwell on Bella's life expectancy, and what would happen when she was gone.

All the options I could imagine were dreadful. It all came back to one thing – someday she would be gone, and I would go mad, and it wouldn't be from lack of blood. I'd be insane the moment life left her body. How could I doom her to a life such as that? How could I allow myself to live in such a way, regardless of her desire to sacrifice for me? How could any of us allow it?

I leaned back in the overstuffed chair next to the bookshelf in Carlisle's study. I had been fiddling with one of his more obscure reference texts on blood disorders, but drawing nothing from the pages of any use. Bella had gone out with Alice for groceries or clothing or something, and they both insisted I stay behind, which I didn't like. This concept of "girl time" was not only foreign to me, but completely unnecessary. They could still talk and be together while I was in the room holding Bella's hand, and I wouldn't feel so tense and anxious for her return.

Carlisle had spent weeks going over the tissue samples he had extracted from me, comparing and contrasting his own and those of Esme and Emmett as well, looking for anomalies. I was trying to stay out of his thoughts and focus on my own research, but my mind kept dwelling on Bella's absence and my eyes kept darting up to the clock.

I was, in a word, fidgety.

This is interesting. Edward, come here.

I tossed the text onto the coffee table and went over to his desk.

"There is something here, Edward – look," Carlisle said as he pushed the microscope in my direction.

I looked through the eyepiece at Carlisle discovery, but saw nothing of interest.

"It's just a DNA sample," I said with a shrug.

"Yes, it is," Carlisle agreed. "Now look at this one."

"It is the same, but there's an anomaly on this one. The protein structure is a little different."

"Both are from you, Edward," Carlisle said. "The first one I took from you at Christmas. The second one I took from you in 1921."

"My DNA has changed? Mutated? Can that happen?"

"Apparently, yes. By the addition of a single protein."

"How is that possible?"

"Now look at this one." Carlisle placed a new slide under the oculars.

"This is a blood sample," I said, shaking my head.

"See anything interesting?" Carlisle carefully blocked his thoughts, wanting me to draw my own conclusions without tainting them with his theories. I stared into the ocular again.

"It's the same protein."

"Yes, it is."

"I don't recognize the amino acid combination."

"Nor do I," Carlisle said. "As far as I know, this protein is completely unique."

"This is Bella's blood," I said, slowly putting it all together. "Her blood...or this protein in her blood, rather, has combined with my DNA?"

"I believe so, yes."

"And changed me?"

"Yes."

"And you've never seen this before in any other human?"

"Never – not in a human or a vampire."

"If it is unique to her, then I can't be cured any other way. There's nothing we can do."

"No Edward – think. If this is what it seems, then it's not Bella's blood that causes your problems. It's not her blood causing your…addiction, for lack of a better term. It's this protein, or lack of it, that affects you. All you need to ingest in the protein."

And proteins can be synthesized.

My brows furrowed as his thought poked around in my head and attempted to lodge itself in the part of my mind that could still form logical conclusions. It took longer than it should have, but it slowly crept over me, and I tilted my head up from the microscope to look into my father's eyes. If this was right, I could be cured without continuing to drink from Bella. I could remain intact, as she needed me to be without harm to her. I could be for her what she was to me. Do I dare believe it to be possible?

So much for hopelessness.

Chapter End Notes:

Extra Extra! Read all about it! Possible cure for Boobward! :)

So - what do you think? Could it possibly work? Can Carlisle synthesize a protein and save both Edward and Bella? Is there *gasp!* hope? Hit review and let me know what you think!